Book Jacket

 

rank 1458
word count 37250
date submitted 08.05.2012
date updated 14.03.2014
genres: Fiction, Romance, Fantasy, Young Ad...
classification: universal
incomplete

Guardian

Laura Hibbins-Leece

When the mysterious Forest Folk come to play, a prophecy in mind and two half-human sisters in their sights, what will their future hold?

 

When Tatiana learns her little sister is more than human - things change. Her volatile family erupts, their mother evicted and their father controlling what little freedom they have left.

An arranged marriage, a forbidden love, strange, otherworld voices, snippets of advice and visits from unexpected and unwelcome forest forces...

When thrust into a journey she's unprepared to take, Tatiana finds herself pursued through the deeps of the forest, scaling abnormally large trees, and using powers she never suspected she had.

 
rate the book

to rate this book please Register or Login

 

tags

, adult, fantasy, fiction, forest, guardian, historical, journey, laura, lhleece, romance, ya, young

on 3 watchlists

16 comments

 

To leave comments on this or any book please Register or Login

subscribe to comments for this book
Soulhaven wrote 121 days ago

Chapter 1.

Note: I nodded, "yes, Father. I will." shoud be: I nodded. "Yes, Father. I will."

The rest, though, very tidy. Loklyan sounds like a right little monster. I don't have a sense of how old Tatiana is, yet. Clearly a good few years older than Daisy.

So far, so good on the developing premise. I'm interested, and I do care for the characters.

Soulhaven wrote 121 days ago

Nice Prologue. Dream-like quality. I love your use of poetry. Still looking forward to getting into the "meat" of the story...

Violet Ivy wrote 520 days ago

There are many books here on Authonomy that are either poorly written or just rubbish. This book is neither. A fantastic storyline for young adults. Not even my genre but I loved it.
The dialogue is well chosen. The voices of the kids are clear and distinctive as well as age determinate.
Description detail is enough to make the reader's mind envision your characters and surroundings but not so much that you force them to only see it one way.
This is so publishable. I really enjoyed what you have put up so far.
Best of luck
Violet Ivy

scargirl wrote 625 days ago

this is an overall good ya-fantasy. there aren't many surprises here, but the writing is strong enough to make the story work.
j
what every woman should know

Kayla H wrote 635 days ago

Chapter 8:
I liked Tatiana’s uncertainty of how to explain this mess that she’s in the middle of. And the flashback about her mother is insightful, definitely makes me wonder what happened to her.
Very tense end to the chapter.
“capable young lady Tatiana” should have a comma after “lady”
“My mother, who had no desire to provoke her husband kept silent” should have another comma after “husband”
“Growled my father” “Growled” should be capitalized.
“unadulterated fear” is missing punctuation at the end of the sentence.
“spiral like” should probably be “spiral-like”
“Can you Tati” should have a comma after “you” and the dialogue tag here shouldn’t be capitalized.
Chapter nine:
Very dramatic scene, well-written and with the well-placed surprise of who the men serve. Also, Tatiana decision of who gets left behind reveals much about her character; she truly is brave.
“your mind Tatiana” and “say to you Tatiana” “ pursuit Tatiana” “a choice Tatiana” “more of you Tatiana” “brave Tatiana” “this moment Tatiana” all need commas before “Tatiana”
“leave us be” is missing quotation marks
Chapter ten:
I liked the bit of humor you worked into this scene with Tatiana’s sewing mishap.
“doesn’t matter Sean” should have a comma after “matter”
“less of you Tatiana” should have a comma after “you” same with “it is you Tatiana” Commas are also needed for: “Sit Tatiana” “to me Tatiana” “understand Tatiana” “warned you Tatiana” “crucial Tatiana”
Overall, I thought these chapters were great. Again, I love your characters. The story keeps moving in unexpected ways—I definitely didn’t expect Tatiana to end up back at home so soon.
One possible downside is Iona. While she is obviously cunning and malicious, she just doesn’t seem that powerful for an antagonist. She lets Tatiana and Kieran and Loklyan escape together when Tatiana refuses to stay. Later, when she catches up to them, instead of forcing them to return she stands around talking so Tatiana has time to help the others escape. You might want to consider ways in which you can make her more threatening. Just a thought.
Great story; I’ve really enjoyed reading it and am very curious as to whether Tatiana can find her sister and her friends.

anthrax wrote 639 days ago

Yarg reveiw – you are Yarg aren't you?

Laura, these are the notes I made as I went along.

I like this prologue a lot, and not just because it reminds me of my own. The atmosphere it creates is intriguing without it being anything like an info dump for the story to come. What a prologue should be.
‘It’s kind of ironic, actually.’ This phrase felt a little off target, didn’t sit well with the poetic quality of the rest of the prologue.

Chapter 1
Carefree is one word.
The Guardians are ‘good’ in this story. You don’t explain what they are, except that Daisy is one. I like the way you don’t spoon feed the reader, letting us wait for an explanation when it’s necessary, and not before.
‘eerie stillness’ you’ve already used eerie, maybe find a different word, like sinister.
The name Loklyan rather sticks out as the odd one. Is it a real name? I find it hard to pronounce in my head, is it like Lochlainn?
I love Loklyan’s ‘approach’ to Tatiana, very inexperienced, clumsy young boy. Not surprising she wants to steer clear of him.
‘You just watch me you wench!’ I think you need to qualify wench (something like insolent wench) as on its own it isn’t an insult.
You portray a grim, uncaring father in very few sentences. Your characterisation in general is convincing.
‘Last week it had been Loklyan, who knew whom else he had queued up at the door waiting…’
I think I know what you mean but this sentence needs a bit of tweaking.
“She pointed one quivering finger at the poor woodland elf at her feet.’ I wouldn’t use poor, it’s superfluous since the elf is dead, can’t get poorer than that.

Chapter 2
Nice set up of future complications. Loklyan can’t be written out of the story, Tati is going to have to bear with him for longer.
I’m not sure about the phrase ‘he’s not the trouble you think.’ Sounds a bit too colloquial for a forest dweller, who I imagine speaking rather more formally.
‘I couldn’t really tell if I was overly presentable.’ You don’t need the overly, she’s worried about being presentable enough, not too presentable.

Chapter 3
I’m glad you have Loklyan apologise. It makes his character more believable, and less predictable.
I thought Kieran was mean? That Daisy liked Loklyan best? In this exchange Kieran with his smiley face sounds like the nicer of the two brothers.
The bit where Loklyan says:
‘I just wanted to show you. Your father said that –‘
‘My father said?’ I asked shocked but not overly surprised.
It isn’t obvious why Tati should be shocked, nor how she could know what Loklyan was going to say. What follows is pretty unpleasant, but I wouldn’t have thought Tati would have imagined her father saying something like that about her. Her reaction possibly isn’t strong enough.

This is a very well written, well thought-out story. I’m not sure I agree with the comment that your world isn’t different enough from our own. There are no ground rules that I’m aware of, you make it as different or as like as you want. There aren’t too many elves in the woods round my way, so it seems pretty otherworldly to me!
Will read on, I’m enjoying this. Top stars for the moment and will stay on my watchlist for future backing.

Kayla H wrote 640 days ago

Chapter 5:
Tatiana’s worry and confusion are conveyed well. I especially liked the dynamic between her and Daisy—Tatiana wanting to protect her and feeling that things are getting out of her control and Daisy innocently trusting and interacting with both Iona and Tisane.
A few really minor points:
This sentence read a bit awkwardly: “but for to now invite people from the other world into our home—it was not on.”
In the paragraph with “Daisy continued, not paying attention” the repeated use of Tisane’s name is a little bit much.
“as you do Daisy” should be “as you do, Daisy”
“her best friend Iona at her side” should be “her best friend, Iona, at her side”
“her mother was her career”--?
“she does not age Daisy” should have a comma after “age”
Chapter 6:
Loklyan is becoming much more likable as he warns Tatiana and makes an effort to help her.
Also, very smart place for a chapter break—definitely made me read on.
This sentence seems to be missing something: “We had a fun time of hanging them again the tops of the windows stood head and shoulders above my head” Maybe: “We had a fun time of hanging them again since the tops of the windows stood head and shoulders above my head” Or: “We had a fun time of hanging them again; the tops of the windows stood head and shoulders above my head”
“’We’ll need a lamp,’ the hangings,” Should probably be something like: ‘”We’ll need a lamp,” I said. The hangings,’ Or: ‘“We’ll need a lamp.” The hangings,’
“I lent closer” is maybe supposed to be “I leaned closer”?
Chapter 7:
Very interesting that Daisy is able to use her abilities to hide them; it makes me wonder what else she can do.
“soon enough Tatiana” should have a comma after “enough”
“come on Daisy” should have a comma after “on”
“Chirped Daisy” probably shouldn’t be capitalized and the dialogue proceeding it should probably have a comma at the end instead of a period. The same with “Asked Kieran”
Over all so far:
One of my favorite things about your story is the complexity of your characters. Daisy is a Guardian and is central to the conflict and yet she is an innocent young girl. Loklyan starts off seeming to be one of the antagonists but now seems to be helping Tatiana. Tatiana’s father seems to have secrets of his own. Tisane is intriguing and seems to want to help Tatiana, but Tatiana knows so little about him she is not sure she can trust him. Etc.
Your writing style is very clear and easy to follow. Your dialogue is good. You have also created a lot of mysteries and intriguing events.
The one possible downside is in the pacing/plotting. And please keep in mind that this might just be me. A lot of the scenes seem to lack much build up or after affects which takes out some of the tension.
For example, after Tisane’s mysterious appearance and warning, the next chapter begins with Tatiana waking up and then putting the hangings back up on the windows and playing with her sister. It isn’t until later that she thinks at all about Tisane and what he had told her; I would think that this would be something she couldn’t get out of her head and she would be fretting about it while trying to keep Daisy from worrying.
Tatiana never seems to wonder why her father would introduce her to one of the Forest Folk who seems to be on her side, not his.
Iona threatens to separate Daisy and Tatiana, but seems unable to follow through after Tatiana merely says no. And then the issue is never brought up again.
When they are fleeing, an arrow suddenly appears, striking a tree. They hide, but there seems to be no further threat/pursuit at this time. Whoever shot the arrow is not even seen. There could be a lot more suspense if this scene went on a little longer or the threat seemed a little more real.
I think you might want to consider how you can get everything you possibly can out of the elements you have introduced into the story. Again, just something to think about, and the story is very good as it is.
I’ll be reading more.

Kayla H wrote 649 days ago

YAL review:
I read the prologue and the first four chapters.
Your prologue is nicely intriguing—it makes me curious as to how Tatiana got into this situation and what will happen to her, and who the “angel” is. I like it when a story doesn’t confuse me but gives me questions.
I like your use of line breaks for emphasis; it’s not something I see much outside of poetry.
A really minor point, but this seemed a little redundant: Tatiana thinks: “I want it to stop. I want it to stop!” And then she says, “Stop! I want it to stop!” Perhaps consider having her just think it or say it; having them right after each seems a tad repetitive.
I really liked the main chapters and all of your characters are quite complex. Daisy is smart and kind and good at getting her own way and has no idea of her own importance. Tatiana is equally smart and dedicated to the protection of her sister, but she bows to the will of the men in her life, especially her father. Loklyan seems like the antagonist in the first chapter, but then tries to convince Tatiana otherwise and it is not certain how sincere he is.
The only real fault that I can find is a number of punctuation glitches:
Chapter one:
“Tell me please.” Should be “Tell me, please,”
“Tati you must see it” should have a comma after “Tati”
“yes Father. I will” should be “Yes, Father. I will.”
“I promise I will be Tati” needs a comma after “be”
“my sisters tiny waist” should be “my sister’s tiny waist”
“nice elf Tati” should be “nice elf, Tati”
Chapter two:
“Can you hear it Daisy” should be “Can you hear it, Daisy”
“beat her too it” should be “beat her to it”
“What is it Tatiana.” Should be: “What is it, Tatiana?”
“play a game Daisy” should have a comma after “game”
Chapter three:
“I really am Tati” should be “I really am, Tati”
“but so it the part” should be “but so is the part”
“Come on Daisy” should have a comma after “on”
“I like the pretty butterflies Tati” should have a comma after “butterflies”
“I love you Tati” should be “I love you, Tati”
Chapter four:
“never listened to your father Tatiana” should have a comma after “father”
“Get up off the floor Daisy” should have a comma after “floor”
“Come here Daisy” needs a comma after “here”
“I hate him Tati” should be “I hate him, Tati”
“you say Daisy” should be “you say, Daisy”
“As if this was the reaction, he was hoping to get.” I don’t think you need the comma in there.
“their hands clasped before them and their head bowed” “they blended in with the grey wall behind them” “The stranger opened their mouth” I know Tatiana isn’t certain if the stranger is a male or a female, but the use of “they” and “their” is kind of awkward here. How about something like: “The figure stood cloaked in a corner, hands clasped and head bowed” “The stranger’s mouth opened”?
Other than that, really well done and I’m definitely going to read on.

Earl Carlson wrote 649 days ago

Your prologue sets up the story nicely, and the body of the story flows well, revealing new information at just the proper pace to keep the reader involved. The world you have created is believable and interesting. I noticed only one easily corrected problem: you mis-spelled Prologue.

Nice read; I thoroughly enjoyed it.

Earl Carlson wrote 649 days ago

Your prologue sets up the story nicely, and the body of the story flows well, revealing new information at just the proper pace to keep the reader involved. The world you have created is believable and interesting. I noticed only one easily corrected problem: you mis-spelled Prologue.

Nice read; I enjoyed it.

Gefordson wrote 689 days ago

Laura,
I’ve really enjoyed reading ‘Guardian’ and can see that you’ve put in a huge amount of work to try and create a compelling story. I find the narrator’s voice convincing and often surprising.
Given that this is fantasy the two things missing for me both have to do with feeling that I’m not in a completely realised alternative reality. I would like to know more about what the world Tatiana lives in is physically like – is it like Avatar or Game of Thrones. Similarly it would be great if this different world were reflected in the dialogue – and I don’t mean by that you need to invent another language. It would be great if the conversations were different enough from our world to feel like we’ve stepped into another world. (Does that make sense or am I just being stupid?)
The story works and you have a flair for language. I’d like to see you really let yourself go and use that flair.
I’ll keep coming back to this. Best wishes.
Gefordson
Nothing you can do.

Wavy3 wrote 707 days ago

Brilliant opening - we get a good idea of your MC's voice, some compelling imagery, and your description of the silence is eerily seductive - great sense of suspense, too. I think since it's a prologue you can get away with the cool poetic thing you've got going on. We don't really know what's happening, but you dish out just enough detail for me to be curious. It's all very pleasing to my reader's eye, that's for sure.

The descriptions of the setting you add in are just right. Tatiana's relationship with Daisy is very sweet and well-drawn. I'm having trouble finding specific things to say, because I love almost every aspect of this. Your writing is just beautiful. The last two sentences of chapter one flow so smoothly I could drink them.

Also, Daisy is adorable. She reminds me of myself when I was little.

Awesome!

-Krista
Wrong

Wavy3 wrote 707 days ago

Brilliant opening - we get a good idea of your MC's voice, some compelling imagery, and your description of the silence is eerily seductive - great sense of suspense, too. I think since it's a prologue you can get away with the cool poetic thing you've got going on. We don't really know what's happening, but you dish out just enough detail for me to be curious. It's all very pleasing to my reader's eye, that's for sure.

The descriptions of the setting you add in are just right. Tatiana's relationship with Daisy is very sweet and well-drawn. I'm having trouble finding specific things to say, because I love almost every aspect of this. Your writing is just beautiful. The last two sentences of chapter one flow so smoothly I could drink them.

Also, Daisy is adorable. She reminds me of myself when I was little.

Awesome!

-Krista
Wrong

Kenneth Edward Lim wrote 709 days ago

Laura,
You start with a poetic drowning, giving the reader a sense of your introspective style. Tatiana in her first person POV is an engaging character full of inner passion that bubbles up in her words and deeds. Certainly the forced love for Lokyan, the burden of being minder to the forest guardian, the mystery of the lost mother, spice up the tale considerably, opening up a host of possibilities for the reader to speculate on. Thank you so much for the captivating read.

Kenneth Edward Lim
The North Korean

patio wrote 709 days ago

I love the story your prologue told. I thought, "This author is good"

Karamak wrote 710 days ago

Hi Laura, I have just read your first two chapters, this is beautifully written with flair and I found it engaging. I have highly stared you and will be back to read more.Karen x

1