Book Jacket

 

rank 504
word count 76806
date submitted 17.05.2012
date updated 05.03.2013
genres: Fiction, Historical Fiction, Scienc...
classification: universal
complete

PUNCH THROUGH

JAMIE TUBBS

‘Punch Through’ is an immensely exciting and highly explosive rollercoaster ride throughout.

Consider it as Time Travel on Epic Proportions.

 

Imagine thousands of invading German Warplanes from the 1940's jumping through time to attack the United Kingdom seventy five years later in modern times.

Hitler, who is joined by a scientist from the future, uses a worm hole device to Punch Through and continue WWII in our time.

Three British Pilots, who are accidentally caught in the jump, end up in the present. Forced to land in separate places, they struggle to blend in and try to reach their arranged meeting location, if it still exists. Picked up by the military, they assist with the gallant fight against the vast multitude of Nazis.

The excess presence of Germans leads inevitably to three impacting battles that occur at the same time, on the ground and in the air, producing the tenet of Chaos Theory known as The Butterfly Effect. The actions that take place will have complex reverberations that resound in a succession of echoes changing history for our own present time.

 
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action, adventure, aircraft, attack, battle, comedy, drama, epic, family, fantasy, funny, history, horror, mystery, outstanding, roller coaster, scien...

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111 comments

 

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DJ-Gargoyle Chronicles wrote 352 days ago

Punch Through – Review – Chapters 1 – 2

Interesting start, no time travel, but a terrifying jump. Not what I expected, but that’s OK, I like a few surprises, but what could be next? Quite nicely written so far. Not sure if it needs the chapter breaks within the chapter as they all seem to be the same thread. Perhaps just a spacer. 1944… unexpected… pretty good wrap of a battle and then the slightly expected suck and spin into another time. Good action so far and know I need to know what happened to them all and it is passed my bedtime… I wil return.

:DJ
The Maia Calendar
To See The Sun

Some notes for you…
Chapter 1:
“He knew deep… of sheer emptiness.” – there are a couple of tense issues in this paragraph. I think the HAVE and HAS should be HAD…
STARE should be STARED

Chapter 2:
Toilet stop – LOL
“…get caught up…” – should be GOT
WHIPED should be WHIPPED
SPLINTER should be SLINTERED
Would they know about a black hole in 1944?
Gin and tonic line – cute

junetee wrote 379 days ago

'Punch Through' IS an exciting story. I read the first few chapters and I really believe you have an interesting book and as a script would make a great film. The butterfly effect is an exciting theory and the three battles would make some brilliant action scenes. You write well and I hope that your book gets seen by someone soon.
junetee
Pillars of Sand. Poems made from Dreams.
+ Four Corners.The Rock Star.

JAMIE TUBBS wrote 404 days ago

Thanks to Eric of Bures for your interest in Punch Through.
May your book continue to bigger things.
Jamie.

JAMIE TUBBS wrote 404 days ago

Thank you Luisa for the brilliant comments - I'll make sure I will constantly help your book rise up too.
Good luck with getting to the top!
Jamie.

eric of bures wrote 409 days ago

Hi Jamie, Really brilliant ideas for a story. I love to see the work of people with real imagination, you. Keep it up. Eric (Fat Fairy).

Dr Hawkes wrote 409 days ago

Hello there,

Firstly, an intriguing pitch which caught my interest! So far from what I have read it is an enthralling read- with a wonderful mixture of action and humour.

You paint scenes very well and It appears you have a solid plot.

I will add to my watchlist- I'd very much like to see where this is going , high stars too!

Dr Hawkes, (The Reluctant Adventures of E.Q.)

ibholdvictory wrote 413 days ago

Hi Jamie
I have find time to read your book and got up to Chapter 3. I love it. It is so entertaining and I have not laughed this much before. I presumed because I have loved films on war pilots and planes. I was entertained by the conversations of the pilots, and I could not help but keep waiting for more of their entertaining remarks. Its funny, breathtaking and a very good read. Would make a brilliant film. Good Luck.

I have added you to my watchlist. I shall move you to my shelf as others leave. I hope you would find time to read my book even one or two chapters and comment. Though I have finished; I could still edit with constructive feed back. Lots of best wishes.

Catherine,
If Only You Could Tell.

HariPatience wrote 418 days ago

Hi Jamie

Your story is compelling - the idea of pilots falling through time is an interesting one indeed. I read the first 2 chapters and enjoyed them.

I've got a few niggles that you mug want to take a look at.

'Unfortunate Steve,' threw me - is it his name or nick name because if so it's not used again. Did you mean it to be 'Unfortunately Steve'?

You have a few grocer's apostrophes - German's, Fokker's - in the second chapter. You also use "whiped" when it should be "whipped" and while I'm not sure of whether this is the case the pilots' use of "way too" seemed like a very modern (or possible American) bit of language to me. I felt that "far too" might fit better with the era.

There's a few tense issues, which I know always trip me up because I come from a screenwriting background too. You often seemed to describe things in the present tense, then used past tense ( like said or commented) when describing dialogue. Editing for tense is always a pain, but it really took me out of the story so I would suggest you fix it ASAP.

I liked your dialogue - the banter between the pilots was well done, but it did feel like every line had a description on it and that slowed down the pace of the dialogue a little. Sometimes dialogue can be unattributed - especially if you're trying to show quick fire argument or teasing. I know this can be hard when the conversation is between three people because it's not clear who is talking but you can use reactions to show that. I.e. the reactions of the two people listening make it clear it was the third person talking.

How did they know it was Britain at the end of chapter 2? Did they recognise a church or the landscape? It would have been great to have a few more details here - especially as so much has changed since 1945 so you would think they would be thrown by the appearance of motorways and industry rather than instantly knowing they were home.

Hope that helps

Best wishes

Hari

JAMIE TUBBS wrote 419 days ago

Kat,
I really appreciate your enthusiasm for my novel.
Thanks for the positive feedback, it's always overly appreciated.
Jamie.

JAMIE TUBBS wrote 419 days ago

Charles,
Thanks for the expansive set of comments for Punch Through.
I always take note of any advice and will try to fix any problems with my book next time I make an edit.
Jamie.

JAMIE TUBBS wrote 419 days ago

Hey Suzi,
Thanks for taking the time to read Punch Through.
I will take your helpful words into consideration.
Jamie.

Suzi F wrote 469 days ago

Hi
An interesting concept. I wonder though, if your opening would have more immediacy if you started it with the last papagraph 'What am I doing? Steve asked himself...' This way the reader is drawn straight into the dilemma along with Steve. Good luck with this. I will come back to read more as time permits.
Teresa
Love, Suzi x

Charles Knightley wrote 469 days ago

Punch Through

Interesting story. I’ve always liked time travel stories and certainly liked yours. Your start to the story is good and you can feel Steve’s reluctance. I’ve read a large part of the book as I wanted to see the progress of the story and I sneaked a look at the last chapter (just when you think it's over you find out it's not!)

Spitfires in 2012 – I grew up close to where the Spitfires were assembled!

In chapter 2, the year is 1944 and Arthur says: ‘It feels like we’re being sucked into a black hole or something?’ How did Arthur know about black holes? I thought the term “black hole” was first used in 1967. Before that, the idea existed but stars from which light couldn’t escape were known as “dark stars” or “frozen stars”.

On the whole the grammar is good but there were some recurring issues.

You often mix the past tense with the present. For example in chapter 1: ‘He thought he was safe, but terror fills his whole body as he peered up in front of him, as his eyeballs were filled with a looming fixated dread.’ “fills” should be “filled”.

You often use ‘!?’, either ‘!’ or ‘?’ is sufficient. In one line you also have a full stop. “‘We’re going into the waterfall!?’ yelled Harry. !?”

Sometimes you have a misplaced comma in speech. For example in chapter 2: “’… south of Germany at the moment’, he spoke …”.

In chapter 3 (and elsewhere) you often use a question mark when it’s not always appropriate IMO. For example: “‘Er? Yeah, it is?’”

In chapter 4: “… they may receive quite a few odd looks from whomever owns the airfield, or the fuel.” I think “whomever” should be “whoever”.


Charles Knightley
The Secret of Netley Abbey

Kat_2012 wrote 482 days ago

This is really interesting! I enjoyed the detailed scientific arrangement you displayed here. Very thorough... I look forward to reading the rest!

JAMIE TUBBS wrote 483 days ago

I've added your books to my Watchlist.
Further Thanks for reading Punch Through.

JAMIE TUBBS wrote 483 days ago

Thank you both tons for your excellent reviews - I will try to return the favour as soon as possible.
I'm overly joyed that you enjoyed it.
Much appreciated!
Jamie.

himani rawat nayal wrote 485 days ago

Hello Jamie,
Spitfire and Meteor jet in 2012 sky, that’ll be something.
I have absolutely enjoyed reading your work. The opening chapter was gripping and thrilling, I myself want to try Para jumping, shit scary thing for some one who can’t even do the swing. Anyway, further chapters takes you on the ride on war birds of WW II which then get thrown into year 2012 and a Boeing 747 find itself in hostile air space of 1944 rendering the auto pilot useless….god save ATC .
Utter chaos and I Love it; hope you get it published soon. High stars, keeping on my watch list, backing for sure in few days.
Himani
She Was

halliwell4 wrote 486 days ago

just finished chapter 4 and I have to say that you,re detail is remarkable in the description of each of the war pilots trying to land their planes, Imagine trying to land a fighter plane on a highway or a school yard? Very interesting so far and I'm switching this book from my watchlist to my bookshelf. The only problem I have is some punctuation,,,at the end of some quotes you have question marks when the quote wasn't a question, but a simple statement, Sometimes it makes it hard for me to follow that way, 'cause I read it as a question and then it doesn't make sense. The other thing I noticed is that when you have a character saying something, you are using single quotes instead of standard double quotes...intentional? Other than that, very intriguing so far...the idea of two different time periods intertwining like that is definetly an interesting idea!
Erin--the power of 3

CarolR wrote 496 days ago

Hello Jamie,

Great premise. This novel got off to good start with Steve torn between jumping and not jumping. Then just as he's finally enjoying himself, horror hits. I must say there were plenty of details that made Steve's situation feel realistic. It's got all the makings of a great scene. However, it still needs a good tighten up, I feel, as some bits are overwritten and sometimes the info dump takes over, throwing me, as a reader, out of the story.

For example. The opening line could easily finish at "but he had no choice." It's obvious from the text that he's making a fateful decision, so telling me this makes the narrative voice too intrusive in the perilous nature of the action about to unfold. In paragraph 4, you might want to think about weaving the information in via a more natural manner, as if Steve is thinking, instead of the info just intruding on the action. eg, Maybe something like: " Steve imagined that if he'd slept better in the past few nights he might not be so jittery. Sweat might not be dripping down his neck like it had when he'd woken up shouting out hoarse panic from his dried up throat. Now, when he closed his eyes, all he could see were images of his wilted body dropping through vertical layers of open air without a parachute on his back, falling constantly and endlessly to never reach the ground. So much for the excitement of jumping for charity. He should have been watching this exhibition, not taking part in it." (Or something along those lines -- same information, but woven into the story, instead of intruding).

Also watch out for tense changes. Mostly it's in past tense, but occasionally it lapses into present.

Also in the final paragraphs, I'm not totally convinced of Steve's terror as it's mostly told. As a reader, I'd like to see, feel, hear, maybe even taste his reactions without using words like "horror" to tell me he is horrified. Instead, think about giving me a glimpse of what is horrifying him, even if it's a dreadfully confused glimpse. So that when he screams, I know why, because I can *feel* his horror too.

Finally, Part 3 chapter 1 slips out of Steve's point of view into a kind of omniscient point of view. You might want to think about how it will read if you keep us in Steve's point of view, showing us how the transition appears through his eyes. This will add mystery to the situation, leaving us with even more of a cliff hanger, knowing that Steve is in trouble, but needing to read on because we're not sure why. It will also help me sympathize with Steve more. Also remember, when the action is getting fast paced, a good idea is to keep sentences real short to give the impression that everything is happening at once. Just my opinion though.

Hope this helps, but wow, what great idea and beginning. Loved the banter between the pilots in chapter 2. The details sounded authentic and that's half the battle (pardon the pun :) of getting the reader to suspend their disbelief in science fiction and fantasy. Well done.

Cheers,
carol.
"Heart Fire"

Celine Zabel wrote 498 days ago

Jamie,

Great plot, great action, as I read through chapter 2. I presume you are a WW II buff, and have all these details in perfect order! I am left wanting to read more to find out what happens to all these chaps.

Upon a self edit you'll find some stuff to correct. But notibly, at the beg of Chap II, they were flying in clear skies, and then they were in clouds and in banks of clouds. That disoriented me as a reader. Also be careful with the us of the word "pretty". It is easy to use that is every day language, yet doesn't translate well in the written word.

Great start Jamie! Good job. And best of luck to you going forward!

Celine Zabel
Lives Shattered: One Mother's Loss at the Hands of the Legal System

Alice Barron wrote 498 days ago

A very good start to your book. Steve wanting to but afraid to do the parachute jump. Scary but alluring at the same time. Anyway he decides to go ahead with it and then your vivid imagination kicks in. Steve is being pulled away by some sort of magnetic force and looses control of the parachute. He gets sucked up and we are left to wonder where he is gone.
Reginald, Harry and Arthur are in their planes fighting the German planes when they experience the same sort of force. A jumbo jet whizzes past and all of a sudden the three guys find themselves in the year 2012 and the jumbo jet is in the year 1944.
The chapter where the guys try to land their planes is good. And when they look for clothes to wear is also good.

I see you have completed the book. Good. I can come back to it again to read on.

Highly starred.
Alice.

JAMIE TUBBS wrote 499 days ago

Let's just say I have a really overactive imagination!
Thanks for the Comments guys, it's always appreciated.
As always, I will make sure I add your books to my watch list.

Seringapatam wrote 499 days ago

Jamie,
Very good. I wouldnt normally try and read something like this but I got drawn into it. I an only afford time for a couple of chapters fro each book, but may be coming back to this one.
Where did you get the idea for this book from. Very intelligent writing.

JAMIE TUBBS wrote 499 days ago

I thought I'd just add a quick message to explain the intent of my story: Punch Through.

I've purposely wrote this with the aim to entertain those who've always enjoyed a great action movie.
In result of this is a read which I hope you all find to be classified as Fun.

I know a lot of elements may be considered as unexpected or unnecessary, but that's the whole idea.
Most people don't go to the cinema to be bored and over talked to - They go to be entertained.

Thanks for reading.

Jamie Tubbs.

Cathy Hardy wrote 499 days ago

I like your pitch very much and have placed you on my watch list and will be reading more. Thanks for the friend request. I would also like to make my book into a film and am submitting my story very soon. Still working on the editing, which is a complete and utter night mare. All the best :)

Cathy

Pam B wrote 511 days ago

Hi Jamie

Just read the first chapter, whilst your story is intriguing, your descriptions colourful and insight into the first character engaging, you do seem to have a few grammatical problems.

I'm no good at remembering all the correct terms but I do notice errors as I read, so here are the ones I picked up in the first section, I hope you find them helpful:

'Unfortunate Steve' - are you purposefully giving him this as a title or did you mean 'unfortunately Steve' which means something else entirely.

'which was absolutely perfect conditions' - should rather be 'which gave' or 'which provided'.

'... was the images' - should be 'were' not 'was'.

'an endless bubble ...walloped ...'- whilst I appreciate the imaginative turn of phrase, I do not know whether or not a bubble could be said to wallop anything, isn't it too soft to give a proper hit? I'm sure it just needs a bit of extra thought to get right.

' ... he could easy congratulate ...' - should be 'easily'.

And you could do with replacing or rephrasing the whole sentence that starts with, 'He had to decide ...' perhaps you could say something like, '... sensible will that held him back, or to proceed by launching himself ...' - reread the whole sentence & I'm sure you'll see what I mean.

Like the rest of us, you just need to work at it as I'm sure you've got the seeds of a great story here.

A return read & comment would be good.

All the best
Pam Balsdon
The King's Blessing

Christina in AZ wrote 604 days ago

Jamie:
I have only read the first two chapters of your book. It seems creative and interesting, but clouded by problems with flow and consistency with tense. I was always advised against single sentence paragraphs of which you have many (in dialogue it's OK). You need to bring thoughts together in cohesive paragraphs with purpose and method. Sounds like a great premise, but needs attention to detail.
Christina
Modern Adventures in Sherwood Forest

Jennwith2ns wrote 615 days ago

I like time travel, and I enjoyed the "backwards parachute" concept, but honestly, I'm finding this tough to read. I should probably not be pointing this out, because I tend toward wordiness myself, but I feel like you use a lot of descriptors which make it tough to follow what you're actually saying (eg. "magnetically alluring anomaly"). Also, while I enjoy reading works that use the vernacular conversationally, I feel like there are a lot of cliches in here, and you mix formal English with slang English a lot, so it's confusing what kind of tone you're going for. And your verb tenses are kind of all over the place . . .

I like the premise of the book, but I think probably some outside editing would help with this one.

Jenn
Favored One

Tarzan For Real wrote 623 days ago

Jamie I like the whole time travel concept of this and I will tear through the pages shortly. From what I read so far it's kicking pretty good. I just pray my internet holds up through the Bermuda Triangle.--JL"The Devil Of Black Bayou"/"The Wings of the Seraph"

JAMIE TUBBS wrote 626 days ago

Henry,
Yet again, I send you a massive thank you for reaching the finale of Punch Through!
I cannot tell you how much I truly honestly respect your effort in reading the entire story.
Also, a huge cheers for the extra star and all of the positive comments.
I will be continuing with your intriguing novel Tomorrow hopefully, to return the favour gratefully.
Thanks again for all your support.
Jamie.

Henry E Allan wrote 627 days ago

Hi, Jamie, Henry Allen again, I just finished "Punch Through",
Parodoxes are in time travel are always interesting, attention getting and sometimes mind bogling. An excellent story.
It seem's as though it could use polishing up in several places. My best advise would be for you to take the time to read it again and self edit. also I think that there might be a place for a final short chapter, rather than leave the ending to the readers imigination.
Having said that, Instead of more compliments on a great story, which could become a great movie script etc.
"How about a place on my Book Shelf and another Star"

Wishing you the Very Best, Henry E Allan.

Henry E Allan wrote 629 days ago

Hi, Jamie Henry Allen, here, I just finished chapter 21, enjoying it so far, However I do have a suggestion, rare for me, but take a look at Helium vs Hydrogen as gas for Zeppelin's, which are lighter than Air, Craft.
Heilum is used in place of Hydrogen for ballon's and such, because it is, inert, clear, oderless, tasteless, and non flaimable, it doesn't supply the lift needed for the Zeppelin's.
Hydrogen is much lighter than heilum, has a very low flash point, and is the reason that the Hindinburg burned so fast and easy. I believe that Hydrogen is what the Germans used in their Zeppelin's.
Check it out, and be sure that I am right before making any changes. also Hydrogen and Helum are the two lightest of the elements, with Hydrogen being the first and Heilum second.
Again, wishing you the best, Henry;

JAMIE TUBBS wrote 630 days ago

Henry,
I'm really pleased you've managed to get to chapter 15, which is one hell of a lot of reading.
Don't worry - The British do get into the skies to give the Nazis their marching orders, but I'm not going to spoil the story for you.
Thanks for your interest in Punch Through.
Hope you reach the exciting big ending and find out the huge twist in the last scene.
Jamie.

Henry E Allan wrote 630 days ago

Hi, Jamie, Henry Allan here, have read through chapter 15, am enjoying your story. Incidently I read almost only for pleasure and working at a full time job keeps me from spending as much time reading as I would like. Having read several comments I find that "Punch Through" is rather well liked and it is keeping my interest, however I was beginning wonder how long it was going to take for the British go get ihto the air and show of their skills to the German Pilots who would be, "No words to express from me what their mind set might might be other than, Pure Horror".
To put it simply, you have a great imagination and a talent with which to put it into words.
If you get the chance take a look at my Novel and give me an opinnion.

Thanks, and Wishing you the very Best, Henry E Allan----"Before the Beginning".

JAMIE TUBBS wrote 633 days ago

Thanks a million Chancelet.
I will give you a return read as soon as I've stopped working so many hours in my new job!!
Jamie.

Chancelet wrote 635 days ago

Hi Jamie, I had started your book days ago, got distracted, and then forgot with the whirlwind of this site. Well, I’ve found you again, friend!

Great chapter 1. Like the buildup of fear and mystery. One criticism is to understand when to say “farther” instead of “further”.

Chapter 2 reads well. Great dialogue, characters and descriptions of the fighting! Don’t like the double punctuations, exclamations and question marks. A lot of the times, I didn’t see where it was a question. And sometimes you incorporate the present tense.

Chapter 3. Love the humor.

Your story is very compelling and kept me reading more than I intended today. I look forward to reading more. Very good ranking!

N. LaRonda Johnson
http://www.authonomy.com/books/45790/anticipation-of-the-penitent/

JAMIE TUBBS wrote 637 days ago

Thanks a lot MajorPain.
I will have a look at your book in return.
Jamie.

MajorPain wrote 638 days ago

This is a good story. It could use a little work but for the most part it was entertaining. The whole concept of using a worm hole to invade the future is a cool idea. Good job.
Steven

JAMIE TUBBS wrote 638 days ago

I'm presently in the drawn out process of re-writing my next novel called 'Tempesta'.
This story has so many huge prospects, and is very relevant to the state of present times.
I'll let you all know a little more about it when I eventually finish it...
Jamie.

JAMIE TUBBS wrote 638 days ago

Thanks for all your excellent comments.
As always, I really appreciate any feedback.
I will make sure I keep on helping with your books.
Jamie.

leeconnor wrote 639 days ago

Jamie...how did you think this up?!?!?! I read the blurb before reading and it really did make me want to dive in and 'see' what you meant. Storyline is great and you've got the language down to a T when it comes to the time travelling. I guess what I also like is you've avoided the typical time-travel story and brought the past to present...keeps it more relevant to the reader as they can engage with the surroundings so big thumbs up for that.

I've kept this on my bookshelf to come back for more!

Cheers, Lee

PS...thanks for the great review on 'Elton'...you 'got' exactly what I wanted to get across, i.e. avoiding typical African stereotypical characters (and the rest) :-)

TDonna wrote 647 days ago

Jamie, good start, grabbing and interesting. Good flow and descriptions, i.e., "wide open spaces of sheer emptiness." (I thought at first those were chapter numbers, but I think they're page numbers?) Anyway, suspenseful chapter ending. My one suggestion is to check your use of adverbs, too many become speed bumps. I'll be back soon to read on.
Donna
No Kiss Good-bye

AdamCian88 wrote 648 days ago

Very interesting. I feel like i am learning while enjoying the spontaneity of the story. The science fiction aspect is there obviously, but it feels subtle. Some small errors (I have many large errors in my story) but very enjoyable. Will hopefully finish the story this week. looking forward to reading more

Adam - Into The Dark

JAMIE TUBBS wrote 648 days ago

Thanks Sara,
I will look into fixing each of those silly errors.
I'm still really chuffed you're giving your opinions and reading probably further than most.
Jamie.

Sara Stinson wrote 649 days ago

Jamie,
The story continues to be extraordinary! You have an exciting and action packed story in Chapter 8!

I found a few spots you may want to look at. This is just what I see and is just my opinion. You can decide.

Great writing!
Sara

CHAPTER 8
* I would rewrite the first paragraph. I would make it into at least 2 sentences.
* Initially, he was just sat there enjoying the surprisingly conversation with the lorry driver, (Reword)
* at their most dangerously closest to the bus. (The 2 adverbs sound awkward)
* The driver peered his pupils upward (drop the 's')
* The last paragraph before 39. I would shorten the sentences to make it more clear.
* Reginald poked his head against the passenger window, to peer upward (drop the 's')
* He watched a cluster of planes separate from the main league, to coast downward (drop 's')
* The driver veered hid pupils upward

JAMIE TUBBS wrote 650 days ago

I'd like to send out a great big 'Thank You' to all the latest positive comments given about Punch Through.
It would be amazing to switch on my PC and find my book straight at the top of the Authonomy Charts, but as always I remain constantly hopeful.
Congratulations for those who have already reached the pinnacle position.

Jamie Tubbs.

Wanttobeawriter wrote 652 days ago

PUNCH THROUGH
What a great addition to time travel stories: German planes and English pilots from WW II arrive in 2012. I like you begin this with a simple parachute jump for charity. Seems so easy and uncomplicated – then suddenly weird things begin to happen and nothing is simple any more. I also like the way you’ve broken this down into short segments. You need to do a lot of description in order to make the 1940 settings seem real and keeping them short as you do makes them still easy to read and digest. A very suspenseful story, I’m starring this highly and adding it to my shelf. Wanttobeawriter: Who Killed the President?

SteveSeven wrote 653 days ago

Hi Jamie,

I like this book and agree that with the other comments that the suspense grips the reader from the outset. I love the sentence 'A charge of terrified static shook his backbone'. I would like to see a bit more intense imagery with original descriptions like this that send their own shock to the reader.

Generally the time sequences merge well from chapter to chapter and you handle this well by referring to the pilot and co-pilot rather than adding too many faces in the fourth chapter.

I do think, however, that it would help to have a little bit more stitching between the sequences as you have so much happening that it is easy to get a bit lost. Perhaps you are banking on the suspense making the reader trust that all the threads will come together and for most people I assume that is how they will handle it.

This is really an interesting theme and you have obviously done a lot of research - WWII is something that I know well and I can't fault anything of your details.

A really inventive work with great potential as a best-seller.

Kind regards, SteveSeven
'The Purpose of Pain'

E.R. Yatscoff wrote 654 days ago

Good stuff! I like stories that begin with action.

RMAWriteNow wrote 657 days ago

Hi Jamie; I have just read the first two chapters of your book and must say what a fantastic and genuinely inspired idea you have here. Chapter one was not what I was expecting at all. I was gripping the edge of that plane myself. You conveyed the sensations of the jump and the amazement of the anomaly really well. The whole waterfall effect is a great concept and the way you transformed the same principle to the world war two dogfight was smoothly done. You managed to blend the science fiction element into normal and past times exceedingly well. I would definitely recommend your book to my friends on the site.
High Stars
RMA
The Snow Lily

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