MY RHAPSODY

Love this! Given it 5 stars. It had sone funny parts and I liked the eavesdropping in coffee shop. Great writing you do. Thank you so so soooo much for the comment on Facing the Truth. Much appreciate it

MY RHAPSODY
Simone Marie

I read the first two chapters. I enjoyed reading both stories, they kept me interested and that is important. The stories moved very fast and that was because of your style of writing, it's not that overly flowery language that some other authors use.

All in all, I liked the book and will leave some high stars. Will add to my watch list and watch your progress.

I spotted a few nitpicks, nothing very serious.

You use joke and joked in the same sentence.

... cigars looked liked sticks, the wrappers ...
Change liked to like.

“You just don’t get it, Julie. You’re not coordinated, not like the old pilot, “ my father said.
No space before the second quotation marks and change to 99 closing version.

“I won’t trick you. Just relax,” She said..
Lower case for she

In chapter two.
“I can’t take care of you anymore,” He simply announced one day.”
Lower case for he and remove third quotation marks.

Yasmina Knightley
The Secret of Netley Abbey

Hello Simone

I liked the read. I've given it 5 stars. I've read just a little since I'm returning the favour for those leaving comments and reading my work.

I wish you the best of luck

TM Patel

Dear Simone,
This time I picked up your 6th story to read, which is after the divorce. Your writing style is dynamic as always, and easy to follow. I liked reading about Chuck, Dad Bill, Kalief , Dana and Louise. Julia is hilarious, not to mention!

"What's his type?"
"Not you." (I loved this dialogue.)

Oprah's quote summarized the core concept behind this chapter, and I hope you'll upload some more of these stories soon.

6 stars remain and I send you my best wishes,
Lucette- Ten Deep Footprints

My Rhapsody is a multi-faceted autobiography in progress touching on the key issues and factors expected in a rites of passage or coming of age novel. The early chapters range between highly personal family situations and external influences which impinge on the main characters, principally Julie the main protagonist. The story is well paced and handled with care. When completed it should make for an interesting end to end read. Highly starred.

Clive Radford
Doghouse Blues

When I read the first chapter, I thought you had put so much into it like it was the background to your story. Marriage, divorce, jobs, family relationships, different driving instructors over a number of years etc. It worked well and I felt that I knew quite a lot about this woman by the end of it.
The following chapters I realised that we're not continuing from that point and going into the future, but we're back as a teenager and looking at other things that influenced Julie's life and personality.
You have a fantastic sense of humour that I find rare with American writers. Not that American writers don't have a sense of humour, it's just different.
Some bit's that really had me chuckling were:
“I noticed she had a tattoo on her shoulder. Is she not very bright?”
The car caught fire. I got a ticket.
When answering Karen- “I like men.”
...his oversized plastic cunt that he kept in the attic.
And The Hitler Youth as an outrageous name for a band.
There are loads of these wonderful little giggles in your writing.
Jail bait babysitters sounds like a half porno, half horror film. Excellent.
I did notice a few typos and I hope you don't mind me pointing them out. It will speed up your editing process.
Father's joke was, “.......” he joked. -I don't think you should use 'joke' twice.
…..not like the old pilot, “my father said. -The quotation mark has slipped out of place.
I won't trick you. Just relax,” She said. -she said.
He simply announced one day.” -Stray quotation mark.
“I think it's beautiful,” He replied. -he replied.
“They're in m top vanity drawer.” -my.
“Oh hell,” She said. -she said.
Dewad laughts. -laughs.
...UF of A.” Duncan shouts. -comma after A.
“How can you say that to me?” How did Daddy every love you. -I'll leave you to sort that one out.
On the whole it's a really well written story, well paced and edited.
High starred and it's already on my shelf. I'll read the last couple of chapters when I have more time.
Take care, Jesamine.

Hi Simone,
I'm back to read another story and here are my comments on I LOVE LUCY.

First of all, you have a unique voice and the authenticity of your style is obvious here as well.

The rich characterization of the story (Arnie, Sal, John and Julie) in addition to Lucy's world was reflected in a contemporary approach, a point I give credit a lot. I love your dialogues.

So far, everything seems right. 6/6 stars again!!!
Best wishes,
Lucette- Ten Deep Footprints

Dear Simone,
I read the first story, and all I can say is that you have a remarkable first person voice here, along with a great story telling skill through dialogue and shortly infused paragraphs of description. Very well balanced.
In a few pages, you managed to get me hooked in and gave me all the information I needed to know; the family's back-story, her friend Amy, the super Father, the fiancé-husband and ex-husband Merick, the brother and Cathy.

Cathy should have been an only child.
I loved this one.
Your writing style is clear and the use of language is very well put together with strong sentences.

I'll send you a comment on each of the stories and wish you all the best.
Lucette- Ten Deep Footprints

Dear Simone

I bumped into this when I was just browsing the site, but I am rather glad I found it. I like the idea of writing your story, in short stories. I think life is like that too, I tend to write the same way, and it is a technique that says a lot in a small space. What you write is so engaging, I am really enjoying reading, and I can really picture your characters so well, especially your dad! What a guy!

There is room to tidy up your presentation a bit, but then, we can all say that about our writing, and in any case, what you write about is so readable, I don't feel too worried about it, somehow. Your voice is loud and clear, and very honest, which is just great!

High stars for this, and on my watchlist. I shall read more soon, probably on Monday. Meantime, all the best of luck to you.

Fran Macilvey.

Dear Simone,
How good we all know broken relations in families and the cage they close.
I am also grateful for the attention you pay to the illness beacuse it opens reader´s horizons.
I wish all the best for you and Julie.
Thank you for sharing this wonderful book.

I'm reading "My Rhapsody," Simone, with pleasure and admiration. Number 5 impressed me especially, as I identified the illness when the protagonist thinks the strangers discussing the weather are speaking critically of her. I've known people with that illness. Apart from a few typos (which you'll find on your next edit), your stories are character-driven, clear, deep, and insightful.

I'd like to know what you think of my novel "Call Home the Child." --Best wishes, Bill

Yet another approach to that universal problem, bizarre relationships and dysfunctional families, needing love and appreciation and acceptance and failing to receive it., hope and loss and disappointment, errors of judgment and failure to fulfill goals,. So many of us face these awful facets of life. Many write about it with varying degrees of success. You have managed to express and convey the pathos and despair inherent in this kind of situation and you have done it with expertise and flair and a beautiful prose style. Good for you! I feel compelled to follow this book through to the end. On my watch list for now, five stars and I will back it in a while.

Lynne Heffner Ferrante
An Untenable Fragrance of Violets

Simone, I've read chapters 1 and 4. I must admit to being surprised that your excellent work has not received more attention on the site. Your incisive prose is lean and spare, and there is an integrity to your stories that is commendable. I found the sad relationship between mother and daughter in chapter 4 particularly moving. High stars.
I did notice a couple of typos in chapter 4, and a couple of syntax or punctuation issues in chapter 1 you may want to look at.
'In exchange for legal services, one of my father's clients who had a leasing agency provided my father with a car free of charge.' I think this might be clearer: 'One of my father's clients had a leasing agency, and provided my father with a car free of charge.'
'All these years, later, my father retired now, shuffles when he walks and is stoop shouldered.' You don't need a comma after 'years'.
The typos are: 'How did Daddy every love you?' I think you mean 'ever'.
'I will not take if back, missy, because its true.' I think 'if' should be 'it'.
Hope this helps. I will try to read more when time permits.
David
MASTER ACT: a memoir

This is an intemit portrail of a life struggling to make it in the modern world, beset by poor parenting Julie is someone most of us can identify with. The easy pace and clear language makes it well worth a read. Wonderful discriptions, such as "elevator eyes" gives added depth. Simone, I like particularly liked the use of the 'car' in chapter one as literally a 'vehicle' that transports the reader through Julies early life.

All the best and welcome to the site
Adam De-Thurstman

IS ISRAEL REAL

Simone - what a delightful set of stories. I was enchanted from chapter one. Your easy, conversational style put me in mind of Garrison Keiller's storytelling.

Great to read of life told like this - almost like eavesdropping at the next table in a coffee shop where you're telling an old friend just what happened that day...

Good luck with your work - it deserves to be read. Cas