Book Jacket

 

rank 5885
word count 81278
date submitted 28.05.2012
date updated 01.06.2012
genres: Fiction, Literary Fiction, Thriller...
classification: adult
incomplete

The Monster Within

Lyn Theron

He who sins must die. Repent for we are your judges. Ominous messages written in blood on the walls of a gruesome crime scene.

 

The wild ravings of a mind that has slipped deep into a dark abyss where only monsters dare to tread. A serial killer is lurking on the streets of Walkerville, preying on young, innocent, and defenceless teenagers. Using the tragic circumstances of their abused lives, a self-appointed leader forces them into a cult type existence where they become his personal slaves. There is only one way out – death.

 
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tags

cult, love, mystery, thriller

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5 comments

 

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LynT wrote 379 days ago

Thanks Cas - Crit taken with humble appreciation. LOL - the new book down load suffered the gremlins of an unstable internet. The Dark Passenger is now up for a quick read and oppinion.

Thanks a mill

Lyn

Casimir Greenfield wrote 379 days ago

Lyn - came for your newest book, but it has disappeared mysteriously into the night...another crime to solve?

Great, gritty beginning to what promises to be a thrilling read. I found the descriptions of the cop a bit too much too soon...after the first description of Saunders and his road map of a face, that was enough for me. A few throwaway lines would have informed his character enough.

I would also use the blood written words to open the piece. Almost as a quote before the story begins.

And the great read-out-loud thing. This is something we should all do. Not in your head, but OUT LOUD... My books are between 60k and 95k, but each and every word is read out loud many times. For me it's the only way to get the flow right, the all important rhythm of the piece.

So, great promise, needs a tough and tight edit...get that pathologists scapplpel to work and cut out the excess. Less can so often be so much more...

Just my humble opinion of course...

Cas

Neville wrote 383 days ago

The Monster Within.
By Lyn Theron.



I like the way that you give the reader a good description of each of your characters.
Detective Blake Saunders, a big man, seen it all, done it all with a wealth of experience behind him when it comes to murder….’his face like a roadmap of painful experiences’.—says it all!
Good portrayal of the murder scene as Blake pushes through the media crowd milling around for the latest gory details for the early edition or late news on TV.
Then we have, Detective Stan Hobbs, a giant of a man. I rather like the following.
…The cruelty of age had caused a powerfully built man to soften around the edges like a block of solid butter left out for a short time in a hot sun…
I like the way you’ve switched to the scene of Sarah Jacobs chained naked to a rickety old bed, I could hear the springs squeaking as she fought against the chains that bound her.
There’s plenty of tension here again as she tries to fathom out who her captor could be—could it be Star, her latest friend with psychological problems like her own?... I doubt it myself!
Your book is a real treat to read, exciting, mysterious and a compelling read.
I’ve read a couple of chapters and dipped into others.
I like what I’ve been able to read so far. I do like a good thriller—this is one of them!
Pleased to star-rate the book high and will be back to it later. On my list for backing.
Well Done, Lyn!!

Kind regards,

Neville. The Secrets of the Forest – The Time Zone.

LynT wrote 384 days ago

Hi
Thanks so much for the advise. The Monster Within is a completed novel and I will post more chapters as I get a chance. I will take a look at your book - with pleasure. Still trying to work my way around the site.

regards
Lyn

femmefranglaise wrote 386 days ago

Hi Lyn and welcome to Authonomy. I've read your all important first chapter and enjoyed it. You write well and have created a good, rounded MC in Blake. The plot hints at a good police thriller to come and I'll look forward to coming back and reading some more. I'd recommend using contractions in speech as it makes it sound more authentic. When we talk we generally say 'he's' rather than 'he is'. That sort of thing. One of the best pieces of advice I got when I started out on Autho was to read my work aloud. That way you can see what doesn't sound quite right and where the punctuation should lie.

This has the makings of a great book so well done. I hope you get a lot out of your time here. I know I have. If you have a moment to have a look at my book, I'd be grateful.

All the best
Melanie
La Vie en Rosé

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