The Illusion

Club Nora.

Hardcore fan here dropping by with another comment for Club Nora.

A good, solid start that throws us straight into the action, good characters and a descriptive tale told with smooth pacing in a clear narrative voice; what more could you want?!

On my shelf and staying there! :-)

Emma.

Your book is really good. I looked up Cahows, thought to be extinct for 330 years, wow! The language of your characters, your knowledge of history and your excellent writing skills made this a most enjoyable story. I only found one mistake, although I may have missed some because I was engrossed in the story. You wrote in Chapter 3 "younger that our Sam." It should be "than." Your book left me not wanting any more. It was perfect. I didn't have any questions about plausibility, pace or word choice.

I will give you six stars and I will back your book as I get room.

Bravo. Well done.

Just finished Chapter Three and I think you have a solid story here. The writing is strong and so is the pacing. You have a real feel for the romance genre style and framework. I like the characters and that you've already set up a bit of friction between the two eventual antagonists; Bartholomew and Avery. Sam, however, seems more like a puppy than a young man. He appears to be led much too easily. Another nitpick, is Alex's assertion to Sam that there was not as much violence aboard ship as most people think. In reality, there was much more. I'm researching 18th century pirates and have learned a pirate's life was a short one. Short and bloody. But, that's a minor quibble.

I"ve added it to my watch list and will be back to read more. Great job!

Kathy

Just read your first three chapter. I think you have an interesting cast of characters. Alex and Bartholemew, Trent and Sam, I feel are all going to be your central focus. Great instant action first chapter. You manage to fill in the background in ch. 2 while maintaining interest with the small romance and antagonism between Bartholemew and 'Trent. Nice smooth writing. I only picked up one typo (not that I'm very good at editing!) no apostrope needed in Averys when Trent and Bart are talking and Trent's father arrives.

I read chapters 1-7 and really enjoyed them. You have a nice easy feel to your writing, it flows very smoothly and I didn't feel any friction at the change in narrators between Trent and Alex.

I know I'm only a few chapters in but the one thing I would say is that some of the supporting characters feel a little thin. Sam in particular seems very easily convinced into theft and piracy, he never questions Alex or seems to even suspect the truth of her gender. I don't have any sense of his motivations or desires - which makes him ideal for Alex's second in command but a little uninteresting to me. Johnson on the other hand is really well drawn with a mysterious past and an unusual hobby. Sam's just so nice and friendly and easily led, it just seems like there has to be more to him.

I really like the contrast of Alex's life with Trent's. And obviously these two are destined to be together. I like that Trent immediately saw through Alex's disguise but it did make me wonder just the disguise entailed - is her chest bound? Does she keep her hair long or short? Did she have to work out a new routine on how to hide when she started sharing a room with Sam? A few more details could be helpful to know...

You have presented a really vivid world that I really enjoyed reading about. I look forward to reading more.

A thoroughly enjoyable romp.It sounds authentic and totally believable and had me reading with a smile on my face.
Andrea
The de Amerley Affair

I think you have been very clever here with your characters. I found myself supporting them all near the start of the book. This in itself draws me in and makes me stick with it weather I wanted to or not. The story is cool and I think you have thought this out well before you started writing. I am interested to watch this from the side lines as I really do want it to progress. Well done and I loved it.
Sean Connolly. British Army on the Rampage. (B.A.O.R).....Please consider me for a read or Watch list wont you? Happy New year. Sean

Hi there

I read the first two chapters so far. They are so polished and well written I forgot I was reading on authonomy and not an already published book. I really liked chapter one, you things up quickly and smoothly, and I quickly liked the MC simply for being feisty.
I'm not a huge fan of books that follow more than one POV, but the second chapter flowed perfectly. I did sort of feel the second chapter lacked a little originality though, as if I'd read that story line before. Well respected man, with the ladies smiling and swooning at him, and him bored with it all. It felt predictable, and I would have liked something a little unexpected thrown in, like maybe Christiana was faking fainting or something, to emphasise how artful and devious she might be.

That's just one opinion though so take it or leave it. Apart from that I felt the writing was really professional and I am intrigued enough to come back for more when I have time!

Kata
Twell

Hello April,
Mark asked if i might back you, which i will with pleasure.

JS

Club Nora Chap.1-2 Critique:

Nice writing style, easy to read, excellent pacing. Characters revealed so far are clearly drawn, though no connection between Alexandra & Trent Avery has yet been made [though reader gets the impression there will be one]. Good setting description. Assume they figure prominently in storyline.

On my bookshelf for present.

Chrysta Mane

Hi April - HFRG read
As another 'piratess' I've been looking forward to reading 'The Illusion' and have not been disappointed. I've read the first 3 chapters and will be reading the rest.
Your first chapter is perfect - straight in to the action, realistic, exciting and I was immediately hooked, especially as Alex's secret is about to be revealed.

I have spotted a few minor copywriting errors in the next couple of chapters, although looking at your comments you probably know about them by now. If you would like me to message you with the one's I've found, - please let me know and I will be happy to do so (but as per one of your comments, you are quite right with your description of a sloop - they had usually one, and sometimes two masts - and the terms 'brig' and 'schooner' were not coined until the early 1700s. Also 'we could hang for that' is correct - people hang or were hanged - meat is hung.)

I like your dialogue, description and language, plus the alternate point of views. This is extremely well researched, yet the detail is not overdone - you have the balance right - well done.
6 stars and I'll be back to read more. This is staying in my WL until I can put it on my shelf (I'm reduced to rotating backings at the moment, and reckon this will be making more than one appearance.)

I would be very interested to hear what you think about An Ill Wind at some point if you have time:
http://authonomy.com/books/48436/an-ill-wind/
Thank you
Karen

April
I found myself really engrossed in your opening chapter. Very well written and not an extra word need nor adde. Great descriptions of the scene and actions. I took to Alex straight away btu felt sorry that she had been exposed as a girl so soon. But I guess that's what got me hooked to this piece in the first place. This is a book I would like to sit and read on holiday abroad to help with the atmosphere of the sea. Very well done indeed. I will now have to ditch someone from my WL to make room for your work because it deserves to be there and on many shelves.
I wish you all the best.
Brian.
PS six stars from me.

Dear April,
your book is like a breath of fresh air from sun-kissed Bahamas with their turquoise waters and white sandy beaches. The scenes are very vivid, very real.You are a real master of visualizing your characters, their dialogues and feelings. The theme itself is intriguing and promising. Four chapters are not enough, of course, to satiate my appetite, that's why I ask your permission to have your wonderful Illusion on my watch list a bit more.
To be helpful (if I at all can) I dare pay your attention to:
Ch.2.
"Trent turned to see the bearer...and was surprise.' ( "surprised?)
Ch.3.
1." She'd gotten the idea of bring him along" ("bringing?")
2."Sam placed his hands on his hips as his eyes wandered over the ribs of the sloop" Till the hull is rigged you can hardly tell whether it will be a sloop, a brig or smth. else. Of course, you are the author and you know exactly what it will be. I believe that Sam knows too. But we don't. Say then "future sloop"or smth. alike.
3."I mean it'll be rigged like one, but of course it has two masts." Sloop has three masts, dear April. Two mast ships are: brig, brigantine, maybe schooner or some others.
4." ...we could hang for that." (could be hung?)
5."Trent sighed and began to walk to his father's estate"
"Turning the key... Trent unlocked the door of his father's estate"
"his father's estate" repeated twice in the neighbouring sentences sounds a little odd...
But it's just my vision, so feel free to pay no notice to all these "helpful" hints.

All stars, dear April and my best regards!

Valentine But
Escape

Yo ho ho

A great start - lots of intrigue and a super plot. A very enjoyable read

David

Club Nora Ch. 1-2 review - The Illusion

Back for the Club Nora read. Found it just as fascinating the second round! This action packed story is polished and well crafted. The first scene sets the stage, showing the dangerous lives the pirates live.

Alex is a feisty, strong-willed young woman posing as a male pirate, and we don't know why that's the case, but it will make for some interesting twists later on. She is injured by a bullet, and the doctor on board finds out that she is a woman, and the captain decides that she must leave the ship because if his men find out...it would not be a good thing. Alex is taken off the ship and transported to another place, where she meets a young man. Will he be her love interest?

Just when we think that might be the case, in Chapter 2, we are introduced to another man, Trent, a doctor that appears wealthy and desirable to females. Yet, he is gentle and kind, and almost too nice to the young lady flirting with him. He doesn't seem interested in her.

So that brings us to the next question, if he's Alex's potential love interest, then how are they going to meet? This is a good ending to the second chapter, for you definitely want to keep reading on to find out.

I have rated this 6 stars!

Best,
Patty
The Greek Maiden and the English Lord

I love this. I've read a few pirate stories on the site, some with women, but this one really drew me in. The opening chapter is well paced, well told, and I found everything in it to be believable. I loved Alex's determination, even hardness (which might perhaps soften over time, perhaps due to meeting a good man? lol). If there is anything in need of critique, well, I was so into the story that I must have missed it. :)

This is a book I would love to have on my shelf one day, and if it is available somewhere, let me know so I can get a copy.

Best,
Dyane
Wolf's Bane
The Purple Morrow

I love this book! The start is most interesting and eagerly I turned the page. Your writing is elegant. I love historical fiction. I will put this on my watch list and come back soon!
Blessings Roslyn
"I Am" Through the Ages

Club Nora-R2

Your characters form so quickly in my mind. You portray them so well, in their appearance, with their dialog, and their emotions. You describe all these with wonderful sentences and comparisons, with real insight and feeling.
The tension between the three men was tangible, and i felt an instant connection with Trent, to the point that when another said something that had angered or disappointed him, i'd felt it before i'd read it.
I thoroughly enjoyed this read, and can't wait for the to stories forming to collide as i'm sure they will, and with your writing so beautiful and strong, only fireworks can be awaited.
All the best,
Emma :)

Club Nora Ch.1 and 2 Review

April,

What a wonderful read. There is nothing that comes to mind I can nitpick on. I may have missed something because I enjoyed this read so much. Your writing is very beautiful. You don't waste time on unneeded details, and the words you write are wisely chosen. I can't wait to read how Trent, Alex and Capt. Bart are all connected, because I have a feeling they are :). Once again, this was lovely storytelling that took me away from the present and transported me effortlessly into the 17th century. Thanks for sharing your work! You've been placed on my WL, and high stars.

~Aries

You shared one great pirats novel with us!
I can´t criticize because I love everything on it.

Dear April,
Enjoyable story, lovely characters and much fun!
Wishing you all the best with the book.

Club Nora preview- The Illusion

Dear April
You start your story with The End. I find this amazing because it made me curious. There is a lot action in the opening and atmosphere is great described very naturalistic. Alex is on the ship in disguise. This is amazing idea for me. Surgery reveals she is a woman and captain doesn´t want any woman on board. She stays on the board with her secret awaiting what captain will do. This awaiting is great written with all the thoughts. Later Alex meets Sam shipwright. The end of the chapter with the Captain´s decision is simply amazing again. I am looking forward to read the next chapter.
Duty - We meet Trent here a young doctor. This character you worked out very well again. Surrounded by ladies he seemed to be bored. Miss Christiana Winscot tries to keep him company. Trent comes to interesting talk with Capitain Bartholomew. Captain is sure an interesting personality. We also learn from the talk with Trent´s father that son doesn´t always agree with his father. I love the part with Lizars and Cristiana. Made me laugh. The part with the parfume made me think.
So I had amazing time with an amazing story. You made me laugh, you made me think and I couldn´t stop reading. You are very gifted author. You have great characters there. The plot is perfect too and descriptions and dialogue as well.
Thank you for sharing your beautiful work.
I wish you the best with it.
6 stars

Club Nora round 2:
Hi April,
I just read CHs 2 and 3. I really liked the introduction of Trent's character. I was surprised and glad the captain didn't tell Alex's secret. You did a good job of making Bart unlikable, and I have a very strong suspicion that sloop is going to see action against him!
I particularly liked the interaction between Trent and Johnson, which gives a hint at a romance to come.
Well done! I did not see anything grammatically or with the flow that seemed awkward, I thought it was moving along at a nice pace.
Looking forward to reading more!
Mindy

The Wishing Place
Glory

Club Nora

Hi!

So, since I'm not a professional in critiquing, I'll just let you know my general opinion.

This ones for the first chapter.

I liked your opening chapter, makes me want to read on, which I definitely will. I'm intrigued as to where you'll go with this.

I already like Alex as a character. Seems like a strong woman, just the kind of female characters I like... I also love it that she's not a drama queen but accepting everything with a rather cool demeanor. Not like she can do much about it but her future.

In my opinion, the chapter could flow a bit more smoothly. Tripped over some short sentences, seemed like they're cut a bit. Might consider merging some of those into one. Maybe have less sentences starting with And and But. Just my opinion on what could improve the reading flow of it.

Anyways, general impression is a very positive one and I'm looking forward to reading more. :)

Cheers,

Maya

"Yo ho, yo ho, a pirates's life for me!" Great opening chapter and chapter two was none to shabby either.

Character driven novels with compelling but frail main characters always score high with me. The characters bring the story along rather than we get pulled to a contrived plot point.

Pace of the narrative was excellent. Action packed and a real grabber from the word jump.

Dialogue was crisp and believable. You didn't stretch the honesty of the characters and kept them true to who they are so far.

You are running several plot twists already which shows the complexity of your writing April.

Good stuff and I'm going put this on my shelf.--JL "The Devil Of Black Bayou", "The Wings of the Seraph", & "Shadow Ghosts of the Moonlight"

Ahhh poor Alex is just dumped on land after all she's been through because the captain has found out she's a girl. It was nice of Captain Matheson not to divulge her secret and give her the chance to continue working, though not at sea.
I've never commented before that something reminds me of something else, but I will this time. At first it was Black Adder's Bob, which was so funny that it sticks in my head. Then there was a film about a cabin boy that was actually a girl. I saw it when I was really young and can't remember what it was called. Then the Carry On film that I also can't think of. So it's a very popular premise even though it's been done many times before. There's just something fascinating about it and I'm sure it's every sailors dream.
Chapter 2 You capture the thrill of the dance and the historical sense of the scene well. Like the sentence: The speech invoked a sharp intake............. It describes the women perfectly.
I think the premise and the first chapter will really appeal to young readers, though the second chapter may leave them a little confused by the language. This would suit older readers into historical fiction. Then again, who doesn't enjoy a good pirate story.
Alex is an incredibly brave girl who is bordering on mental, with her plans.
Chapter 3 is again written to inspire the young and rebellious.
Chapter 4 leaves us on a hanger. Has Trent actually sussed that Alex is a girl? Another great page turner.
Chapter 5 is all action as they steal the ship and may have to fight for the right to be free.
Time got the better of me as usual. I will read more of this though when I get a break.
I wondered why the title isn't as exciting as the book. I know the illusion is probably to do with Alex pretending to be a boy, but I may be wrong. I think you could have a much more adventurous title.
I only spotted one error which is fantastic, it was: She'd gotten the idea of bring him along.
Well done and high stars. I'll get back to you soon with further comments when I've time to read more.
Take care Jesamine.

Club Nora Critique
Dear April,
Wow I like it, girl power! Jack Sparrow as a woman. The story quickly develops, but at a good pace. The characters are described well and the setting is easy to imagine.
A really enjoyable read.
Best wishes Emma

Club Nora - The Illusion by April Gray

I'm sure you're sick of hearing lines like this, but I have to say it 'cause it's true: I normally shy away from pirate stories and/or anything with 'historical' in the description. I'm more of a contemporary gal, but I'm glad I joined Club Nora so that I could be treated to your wonderful writing. I completely enjoyed your first chapter. It was never boring, well-paced and very well-written. Great cliffhanger chapter ending. I will definitely be back to read the rest when I've met my other reading obligations. Good luck!

♪ Nina ♪

Club Nora Critique

Hi April

I'm not a fan of pirate stories but yours grabbed me from the get-go. I like that you have chosen a female MC and your story certainly throws us into the thick of the action. You have a great hook and I like the way you have called your first chapter The End. Is piques the reader's curiosity. Your MC's secret is discovered so she is being offloaded in the caribbean so now instantly the reader wants to know what is going to happen to her. You writing is fluid and you have a good narrative voice that suits your story.

I noticed a couple of typos 'Lemmee' should probably be 'Lemme' and when she is being carried to the surgeon you say 'as they lifted'. I would personally put 'her' after that.

Overall, a very tight, well written first chapter.

Melanie
La Vie en Rosé

Hi April; I have just read your first chapter.
This has a most unusual opening with a great title, (appropriate to the circumstances) and is all the better for it. You really get across Alex's desperation to not be discovered for what she is. The whole thing feels right and has a good flow to it. The final line, with the realisation of what is to happen to her, really hits home.
Not only does your opening create the desire to find out what is going to happen to Alex but also to find out what has happened to her. This is quite unusual and a testament to the quality of the writing.
Good luck with what looks to be a top read. Starred well.
RMA
The Snow Lily

Chapter 1 - is titled The End?

I'm always most critical of the first paragraph (trying to think like an agent or publisher).

You picked a compelling place to come into the story and I applaud you for that. However, the wording doesn't flow as easy as it could. You have repeated the word "down" in back to back sentences and while I'm not usually picky about that, it alerted me and I went and read it over. It just doesn't have a good rhythm to it. Also, "warm, sticky blood" is an overused description. You would do better to come up with something more original.

"It all seemed far away;" This could also be worded better as I am a little confused about what the "all" is. How about "She felt removed from all that was happening"?

"Scuffling footstep" Should this be footsteps?

Captain not the abbreviation of Capt.

He asks if someone, a he, is dead. Then Alex has a thought in italics, pondering if she, herself, is dead. It would be more effective to only put the word "she" in italics.

I just picked up on something. Sometimes it's hard to tell on the site and if I'm wrong, simply ignore this, but you should be placing two spaces between a period and the beginning of the next sentence.

"Her head cleared and the day's events crashed over Alex." This sounds better: "Alex's head cleared and the day's events immediately crashed over her."

"Blood soaking into the thirsty deck." That's really amazing in a gross sort of way. Tap into this, I want to see more descriptions like it.

Her blood shouldn't be separated from the previous paragraph.

"And it was her...And Alex remembered." It's not really proper to begin a sentence with And, although in certain cases it's effective and necessary. Decide with statement it makes stronger and cut it out of the other.

quarter master, quartermasters pistol .... Quartermaster, Quartermaster's pistol.

Place a comma between baldric and primed.

"Alexandra had spotted it quicker..."
Alexandra spotted it before the rest and threw herself at Matheson, knocking him to the ground in a thump. The bullet, meant for him, burrowed into her flesh."

converged around her, not on her.

"They'd find out her secret." or Her secret would be revealed? It's a little more dramatic in my opinion.

"Lemmee"? Le'me? Lemme?

"Someone grabbed her legs and another put hands under her arms." - Someone grabbed her legs and another put his hands under her arms.

"Pain, like a hot torch," or Pain reminiscent of being seared by a torch?

"guarding this secret" should be "guarding her secret"

The sentence that begins "Precious few times," is a bit wordy. Perhaps break it down into two sentences, maybe three. In any light, simplify it.

I'm beginning to notice that you switch between using had and 'h.. for instance she had vs. she'd. Except for in dialogue, I think you should be consistent with which one you use.

"Thet arm will be useless till it heals." should be, "Your arm will be useless (until or 'til) it heals."

"Yer a brave bonnie lass." Suddenly I feel like I'm in Ireland and the men are all wearing kilts, instead of on a ship. Just be careful with implying accents, making sure they fit and are appropriate to the character.


"benefit the Company" I'm not sure Company should be a proper noun.

"He laid side the instrument and clasped hands traitorously showing discomfort at his back, clearing his throat." What? Traitorously showing discomfort at his back? What does this mean?

"Once the crew find out" Once the crew finds out.

I think your chapter should end with "Alone was how she liked it best." It's a good way to give the reader a minute to reflect on what's happened, since a lot has, before moving onto the next scene.

"She'd been cloistered in the surgeon's cabin..." I know this word has the right meaning but, wouldn't quarantined or confined give more of the desired effect?

Again, Captain, not Capt.

I can really feel her resignation as she sits on the beach, absorbing her surroundings. Well done.

Why does she so willingly admit to a stranger that she's a pirate? It doesn't seem very realistic to me.

Okay, I finished the first chapter. It's well written without too many errors. I can see a good story unfolding. Very nice work. Send me a message if you would like me to proof read further.

Club Nora Review of Chapter One
April:
Hook - is very nice. Short and sweet and certainly making us want to crack open the book (so to speak).
Opening - is very intense into the action. We are quickly drawn into the story which takes a sharp turn through the chapter.

Conflict & Plot - Don’t quite know where we’re heading as yet, but there are a lot of questions about where Alex will go from here.
Setting - Romance is so much easier in the Caribbean, isn’t it? Is it the waves, rum, clear waters... ahh, I can feel it all now...
Characters - I am very intrigued with Alex. Must have a great story yet to tell as to how she ended up with pirates and where she will go from here.
Dialogue - is very natural and well done.

Style - The style is clean and easy to read.

Technical - Did not find any typos or issues.
Pace - We are thrown right into the action and are eager for more!
A very enjoyable read! I definitely want to find out what will become of Alex on her new adventure.
All the best,
Christina
Modern Adventures in Sherwood Forest

Hi April,

Here for a Historical Fiction read. Read up to Chapter 9, and intend on returning soon to read more. Great job! Loved the reading so far!

Quite an entertaining read, with Alex acting like a man, showing confidence and knowing what she wanted, which was to steal Trent's ship and become a pirate. In order to do that, she had to convince Sam to join her and help her, and he did. Of course, he thinks she's a man, but how long will that go on? Curious to see what happens with that discovery.

Several adventurous passages with the taking of the ship. Very good descriptions, and I particularly liked the crew that Sam had picked, the albino and the orphaned boy. You describe your characters very well, and some chuckles earned. Makes for interesting characters and they filled the pages when the ship took in water, but after that, didn't see much of them. Would have liked to have seen more of them.

Trent, a doctor, relies so much on his wealthy father's money to help him, and at times appears weak, sometimes too weak. His character is very well written although I expected a little more anger on his part when he found out his ship had been stolen by Alex.

Suggestions/Nitpicks:

Ch. 8 - mentioned that the guard had been stabbed, but previously, Sam had sent the knife between the guard's legs as a warning. Was this the same guard? Maybe check for consistency.

Would have liked to have seen Trent a little more masculine and Alex a little less masculine. I feel as if their roles are mixed and it's hard to picture them getting together, at least now. But it does make for intriguing reading..

Overall a wonderful read and will back it soon. Will return for more reading.

Best,
Patty Apostolides
"The Greek Maiden and the English Lord"

Hi April,

A Club Nora Chapter One Critique:

I love a good pirate romance, and extra bonus points for going with a female pirate MC. So fun!

Overall:
- love the concept, can't wait to see how it turns out
- Writing style is clear and easy to read
- text flows well from one scene to the next.
- The only time I felt confused (and felt pulled out of your story world) was near the beginning when it wasn't clear who had been shot and who the intended target was. For a split second I thought it might have morphed into a ghost story. I think the confusion was intentional, but, on the off chance that it wasn't just me, consider making the your wording choices as intentional as possible.
- good balance of dialogue to narrative and static narrative to action

Plot/Pacing/Conflict:
- love that you've started the story with "The End", right in the midst of what might have been the climax of a traditional pirate story
- pacing felt comfortable and appropriate to each scene
- story problem and MC's internal conflicts are well set up, seeds of a satisfying ending are planted
- love that the chapter ends with the start of the new story (rather than dragging the end of the old one out)

Character:
- all the characters encountered thus far seemed believable to me
- like that you've used a combination of narrative, internal thoughts, dialogue, and action to bring the characters to life. Also appreciate the lack of backstory in this opening chapter.
- good use of dialogue - words spoken felt natural and appropriate to the character. Each has a unique voice in my head. Also appreciate that dialogue tags are kept to a minimum.

Setting:
- setting thus far has been fun
- like that descriptions are minimal, details that are given are well chosen
- like that scene pacing matches the setting

No real suggestions for improvement. In my opinion, this opening chapter is very well done, and I'm looking forward to coming back to read more.

Marcie

Club Nora Critique

I was instantly transformed to the 1600's by the writing of the first two chapters. Good job! You must have done a lot of research...Can't say it's my favorite genre, I like contemporary. But the pitch is interesting and I may have to read more.

Eileen
Craving the World

Club Nora Critique:

This chapter was action packed, well written, fast paced, and quite polished. All my senses were literally used with your well crafted words. Also, the ending of this chapter was intriguing enough for me to want to read chapter two.Good work!

Just a few questions popped up as I was reading:
1) Why was Alex interested in pirating? There were no explanations given.

2) For Alex to risk her life for the captain suggested that she had feelings for him, but the way he dumped her showed that he didn't reciprocate her feelings. He could have talked to her, at least showed the reader why he did what he did. We know it was because she was a girl, but I would have also liked to have seen more dialogue with him, more of his character (what was it about him that she felt so strongly about to save him?) to justify her rash action to save him.

Overall a wonderful read and highly rated. Will put on my WL for future reading.

Best,
Patty Apostolides
"The Greek Maiden and the English Lord"

Club Nora Review.
Hi April, i love your premiss and the way the reader is immediately thrown into the thick of the action. Flow seamlessly with great editing. Highly ranked and on my WL.
Abbie

April,
Adventure on the high seas told with such finesse. With her love of piracy, April had to find a man after her own heart to complete the picture. Enter Trent whom she engages in a duel and the romance blooms. Your descriptives are meticulous, your dialogue true to the moment, the pace unrelentingly brisk, leaving no room for boredom. Thank you so much for this highly intoxicating read.

Kenneth Edward Lim
The North Korean

This is really excellent, and I'm looking forwards to reading further. Your style is very polished, and the one or two things I've picked up for correction are typos. I'm going to read on tonight for the fun of the story, and will report back at length when I've got something useful to say. I tried to return to the top, but it seems that once you've started a comment you have to stick with it until you submit, and you can't even copy and paste, but will write down some notes in future.

Wow, a powerful opening chapter. And the dialogue couldn't be more real.
The narrative encouraged me to say a massive audience await its release.
high stars and recommended

This is a lovely tale. The action grabs your attention quickly and holds the reader's interest throughout. Very well written with crisp dialogue - lovely imagery and description. Highly starred.

Meg Wearing
A Shamrock On The Verandah

The illusion. An Hist.Fict.Group read. A dramatic start, encapsulating the essence of your story in one action packed scene. But havent you used the word Alex rather too often?
Love that place where a black door promising release appeared, and she escaped.
And the sentence where Matheson's boots scratched against the deck, shifting the sand strewn over the sole to keep the surgeon from slipping in the blood of his patients. You have a wonderful way with words.

Ch.2. Do you want nits? That sentence likening a torrent of bitter wind is a mite clumsy. Maybe change the phrases round?
You satisfy different senses - it isnt often that a writer mentions scents to such an effect.

Ch.3-4. Another teeny nit. Watch out for words repeated too close together: 'close' in Ch.4 where Alex revelled (sp) in every moment.

Ch.5. Great imagination, introducing an albino cook into the equation - and I enjoy your humour. More dramatic events unfold, but I must tear myself away.

Your story appeals to me immensely. The romance and the adventure of the period, and your easy flowing style make me not want to stop, and I'll be back for more.

Have you thought of submitting it to a publisher like Knox Robinson - who've published two of our forum members' books already?

Maxi-starred, and waiting for a space on my shelf...
Jane.

Club Nora critique:

This is a wonderful read. I have read two chapters and look forward to reading more. Your writing is very descriptive and you seem to capture the time and place very well, which I love. I never thought I would be hooked on a story about pirates. High stars on watch list, well done. Olive.

Hi April,
I’m here for our read swap. So sorry it’s taken me this long to get here. I’m playing catch up on reads. My comments below are just humble opinions, so please take them for whatever they’re worth. You know your story best, after all.
Chapter One
Interesting way to start the chapter with The End. I like it.
Some minor punctuation errors (mostly with commas), but nothing big and certainly nothing that would hold this back from catching a publisher’s eye.
“It all seemed far away,” is great! “her mind seemed fractured” is less so. Kind of delves into telling, and it’s unclear what this means. Does it seem fractured because of the MC’s inability to comprehend what’s going on? Or is it because of pain? I’d do away with this part, or add some clarity.
“blood soaking into the thirsty deck” Great imagery.
I love the way you introduce this story, but I have a problem with “All the ship’s company” paragraph. It’s too much of an info dump and slows the pace of the story. I’d consider sprinkling this throughout the paragraph with a little more subtlety.
The sequence doesn’t make sense with Alex’s escape. First, you say she shakes herself free. Then, someone grabs her legs and another under her arms. I assume these are hands trying to help her (though I’m not following what she’s escaping from. Has her identify been found out? Needs to be clearer, I think.). These details are too essential to the moment, as it seems like Alex understands what’s happening. The reader should too, or perhaps I’m missing something essential. Just something to chew on.
“Alexandra awoke in a haze.” A literal haze or the haze of returning to consciousness?
“He’d called her lass,” should be “He’d called her ‘lass’” or “He’d called her lass.” Otherwise, it reads as though she possesses a lass.
The dialogue is excellent, though sometimes I wonder if you might want to consider amping up the imagery amidst that dialogue. Communication between characters is more than just the words spoken. Gestures and expression and reactions go a long way.
The “Day’s later” part almost seems like part of a new chapter. The previous sentence would be a perfect way to end the chapter. Of course, it might not be possible, so I’ll leave that up to you.
This is a strong start. Your pacing and dialogue are your greatest strengths. That along with powerful imagery. My biggest suggestions are to be careful of over telling when it comes to back information dumps. Not that it’s a problem, but there are a couple spots where it was noticeable and a bit of a distraction. Also, and this is so, so small, punctuation ought to be cleaned up. Again, this are the nuances of writing. The story’s great and the MC is extremely likable.
Highly starred and best of luck.
Phil

Club Nora Critique-

Very good gripping beginning. I like how somehow Alexandra was able to disguise herself for so long. I find that if you tell us a little bit more of how she was able to do this. Say put some more details such as she cut her hair or wore it up underneath a hat or something along these lines, that would help. Unless you do this later on in the story.

This is the only thing I find that could be added other than that this is superb writing on pace, and dialogue and characterization.

-Elora

Your book is really good. I looked up Cahows, thought to be extinct for 330 years, wow! The language of your characters, your knowledge of history and your excellent writing skills made this a most enjoyable story. I only found one mistake, although I may have missed some because I was engrossed in the story. You wrote in Chapter 3 "younger that our Sam." It should be "than." Your book left me not wanting any more. It was perfect. I didn't have any questions about plausibility, pace or word choice.

I will give you six stars and I will back your book as I get room.

Bravo. Well done.

Club Nora

I really think you've begun with a bang. (Pun Intended :)
The small amount of confusion and not really knowing whats happened and why it's happening, slowly unravels and understanding soon follows with the revelation that Alex is a girl. This is all done really well and you've set the reader up to want to find out more about Alex, and more about why she felt this strongly about choosing a different life.
Alex is a strong, interesting Character and i'm looking forward to reading what challenges come her way.
Good Start, Emma

Club Nora Review.

Firstly I liked the pitch and the plot sounded very exciting and interesting. Although it's not my normal reading, as it's historical fiction.

You have a nice writing style and it's easy to follow the story. Although, for me the pace, could be slowed down a little.

Overall, I enjoyed reading the first chaper and would maybe read onto chapter two.

Club Nora Critique:

Oh, a woman disguised as a pirate? I love it! Great opening hook, as was taking a bullet to save the captain, who turned out to be a typical male of the time and dumps her at the nearest port-of-call. Excellent flowing dialogue, really good writing style. Though I would have like a little more of the back-story of why Alexandra was masquerading as a pirate in the beginning, but I will read some more to see who this starts to play out.
At under 100k, you certainly have room to stretch where necessary, most historical romance counting between 100k to 120k words.

Will shelf when space opens up.

Chrysta
Heart's Desire & Love Me, Love Me Not

Dear April

I have just read the first two chapters of "The Illusion". I very much enjoyed your pitch, which left me impatient to get started. Well done!

I also enjoyed the first chapter, which is well written, fluent and feels assured. There are times when I felt that you could have expanded more, just a little, for depth, though I notice your overall word count is fine. I realise this is going to be something of an epic, and I am encouraged by the confidence of your writing, in slightly dated style which suits the setting.

Beware of not explaining enough to your readers. We have not spent as much time as you have, with your characters, and a bit of time taken to describe them more fully, just in a sentence or two, would do much to offset some of your very clever and imaginative dialogue sections, such as those in chapter 2. Not everything can be high flown and witty. I feel that perhaps on occasion you could do with some more - how might I describe it - ordinary background, to give the bright stuff a bit of extra sparkle, much in the way that a piece of jewellry is shown at its best against a dark background, which needs to be there but does not compete for attention - and to allow the reader to relax into the reading. Not banal or boring, but relaxed....so that we get the feeling you have all the time in the world to lay your story out for us.

Say you throw caution to the wind and write another twenty thousand words, setting the context and giving your narrative time to unfold. Then you might worry that your word count would be too high. But your editing could cull other parts, or trim them, so that we have a mix of light and shade, some relaxed, some tight, some moving, some gentle and closely observed. It is this mix of pace and focus, as well as the story, that makes reading interesting.

Your writing is excellent overall, and your grasp of a slightly ironic period drama is very good, so in many ways, you have the most important aspects in place. Editing now, so that you smooth, clear and trim, will really allow you story to shine.

All the best with this. Highly rated.

Fran :-))

Very well written book. interesting!
very rapid pace and with good flow.

Club Nora Critique:

Hi April,
I just read your first chapter and frankly, I just couldn't find anything to critique. I like your premise, I like your character. I thought you showed a wide range of emotion in this chapter, from bravery to fear, from the intimacy of being treaed like a son to the isolation of her secret and then the disappointment of abandonment. If I had to make a suggestion, I think I would expand the opening a bit. Play with the actual unthinking instinct to save the Captain. Show the whole scene from Alex's POV.

I don't like giving a single chapter critique, I just don't feel like I know enough about the story to make adequate suggestions, but I am looking forward to reading more of this one!
Mindy
The Wishing Place