Book Jacket

 

rank 2376
word count 51290
date submitted 08.06.2012
date updated 11.07.2012
genres: Romance, Historical Fiction, Fantas...
classification: moderate
complete

The Forgotten Alamgir: The six secrets

Al-Harth Chauhdhrey Muhammad Abu Bakr Ejaz Jutt Guddarah

Every picture has 2 sides. But what about Aurangzeb, the greatest king of India? He might be the greatest sinner despite_of his religious reforms.

 

Every picture has two sides, negative and positive. Every man has two dimensions, the visible and the hidden. But what about Aurangzeb, perhaps the greatest king of India. He might be the greatest sinner of his time, despite of his extreme religious reforms. He might have committed those things in the darkness of night which he prohibited in the light of day. Nobody knows...

The book is set on Aurangzeb, the great Alamgir of India. It is not an Aurangzeb in accounts like Aurangzebnama. It is an Aurangzeb who manages to escape his deathbed.The book starts off from the deathbed of Aurangzeb. Aurangzeb is shown as being in an extremely desperate state. At once, a statue-dwelling spirit appears, to whom Aurangzeb owes much. The spirit dies in Aurangzeb's place and he escapes his deathbed...

Aurangzeb does not be able to believe it, he has 329 years to live! But the six mysteries disturb him a lot and he is not able to escape from the curiosity originating from the strangeness of the mysteries. If you are to discover what are the answers, you must read to the last chapter... (All 52 of the 52 chapters readily available)

 
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tags

aurangzeb, fantasy, historical-fiction, horror, india, mughals, pakistan, romance, supernatural

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28 comments

 

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Jennwith2ns wrote 556 days ago

I think this story can be fascinating. It seems like you've done your research, and there are some really wonderful metaphors, turns of phrase and underlying ideas in this book. I do find it difficult to read, however--the trains of thought shift rapidly and the style does, too, which makes it hard to settle into the story. I recommend finding someone to help you edit it so it can really shine, because it deserves to. It would be wonderful to read it in its final form.

c1030 wrote 642 days ago

You have done a nice job. You must be proud of yourself. I read many chapters of your novel and found them swift and nice and attracting as they make you read more and more.
Though from the religious point of view i do think that it should be the point where you should reconsider certain points. First of all Aurangzeb lived a simple life; life of a sufi and second he had no objection from anyone's religion as he provided that freedom to his people. I have read these stuffs and so i am telling you though i might be wrong.
Another thing at few places you tend to slip from you language and it becomes weak like 'a weak hindu' - that does not make any sense. though your vivid description of nature are lively and beautiful.
Good luck with your book.
C1030/http://authonomy.com/books/45630/the-greatest-emperor-rise-of-kohinoor/

fatema wrote 643 days ago

Very abrupt, swifts of themes, and era.
Started with a great narrration, created an intriguing read. Then on wards, you probably rushed ahead.
The time line events and swifts are very incomprehensible, though, interesting and funnny to read.
Wellldone.

fatema wrote 643 days ago

Very abrupt, swifts of themes, and era.
Started with a great narrration, created an intriguing read. Then on wards, you probably rushed ahead.
The time line events and swifts are very incomprehensible, though, interesting and funnny to read.
Weldone.

fatema wrote 643 days ago

Very abrupt, swifts of themes, and era.
Started with a great narrration, created an intriguing read. Then on wards, you probably rushed ahead.
The time line events and swifts are very incomprehensible, though, interesting and funnny to read.
Welll done.

All of you please not that farangi means British in Persian language and that the Zainab in the first 5 mysteries is the Queen Anne of England. The writing uses many India words to look realistic

lisa85 wrote 646 days ago

Hi, Al-Harth, and sorry for the delay :)

- I really like the idea of the opening paragraph. Your descriptions are so colorful and unusual, like real poetry. Yet, you need to work on your style, make it smoother, because the text itself deserves to shine its brightest!

- A really beautiful metaphor with the river. But why is it written so dryly, as if it not a fiction but an article in a magazine or something?

- The appearance of the spirit is too abrupt. Who is he, why lover? Whose lover, the king's?

- The exchange of bodies is very interesting but unclear, too fast.

- King's rebirth in the new body: what did he look like? How the others reacted to the change?

- Then the story advances rather chaotically: many new names and places that seem irrelevant.

- The fruit basket metaphor. As a fellow author, I was killed at spot. Beautiful, unusual, incredible, absolutely unheard of for us western people... But I found it a little unclear in the terms of the hierarchy. Why one fruit would be better or worse than the other?

Overall, I think that you have an incredible poetic gift. Your book is a firework of metaphors intertwined with the old Indian traditions. Spirituality is leaping off the pages. However, you need to improve your writing, make it clearer and more organized or it'll ruin the beauty of your imagery. Good luck with your work.

rikasworld wrote 648 days ago

I'm not quite sure what to make of this book. To begin with it is quite heavy going and historically factual. It has superb imagery. I very much like the idea of his sins being like red Papayas, spoilt fruit, a nice image. I also like the way you have named the mysteries and his possible connection with the Ferangi, very intriquing. There seem to be genuine religious passion in his repentence. (Couple of typos para. 3 should be I had born it and the ghost bit 'Thank god, you are here')
Later the style seems much lighter, rather like a romance when he meets Queen Anne (I'm glad you gave her some fun. I read that the poor lady had fourteen babies none of whom lived. That is a terrible thing. It made my heart bleed for her!) 'Hey what's the big deal' is very, very anachronistic though, definitely only used in the later part of the 20th century.
You have a richly atmospheric story about a period of history that not many people know about -which is always good for originality. (Though I see someone also knows the period and the king)
I hope the book will do well for you and you will enjoy authonomy.

SWORDMUZIC wrote 652 days ago

Hello Al-Harth,

I read Chapters 1 to 7 of “The forgotten Alamgir- The six secrets”

You have an inimitable style and enviable knowledge of history.

And the way you have explained your own long name,especially Guddahra,astounds me no end.
It is quite obvious that you have done extensive research into the subject matter before embarking on the project.

While I am amazed at your grasp of even subtle historical facts , their historicity remains questionable.But , okay, it is a paranormal story with no pretense of historical authenticity.

Glorifying Aurangzeb as the greatest king of India(in the pitch) ,is tantamount to reading history upside down,to say the least.

One who had committed the most heinous act of parricide, Aurangzeb's greatest sin, perhaps, was the incarceration of his own sister ,Begum Jahanara( you seem to have forgotten her!)with their father Shah Jahan.History has it that she was condemned to spend her entire lifetime tending to her father in the prison ,eventually dying old, while still being a spinster. Can anybody be more callous ?

Unlike his ancestors he was the nemesis of art and literature, I believe.He was known as a religious fanatic ,a bigot and an eccentric character all rolled into one .

That he slapped Jezia , discontinued earlier by Akbar, on non-muslims is a pointer to the fact that he was less popular with his subjects.Also the Mughal dynasty never saw any strong inheritor after Auragzeb strengthens this argument.(Imposing Jeziya on Hindus in India is akin to levying tax on Muslims in Iran or Saudi Arabia or like forcing Christians to pay tax in Israel-the place where the respective religions were born).Of course every ruler comes under political and religious compulsions which prompt them “ showing others to be a deeply religious man, but from inside a sinful heart”as you have made Aurangzeb say in Ch#2.
To his credit, it must be said that he was a devout Musalman:he made hand- written copies of the Holy Quran , stitched Topis(hats) to earn the money to meet his personal expenses.

Speaking of Muslim rulers who were considered great, you have Giazuddin Balban, the first ruler of the slave dynasty(Who , for your surprise , never laughed or smiled-I do not know why) , and Shersha Suri(Whose roars during wars could paralyze enemies even several miles off ! ), both able administrators and warriors.Then there is Akbar the Great,the clever politician and diplomat who was also a Powerful Emperor. Beyond the subcontinent, Haroon –Al-Rasheed of Bagdad, needless to say, would make an undisputed hero.

In Ch#2, Auragzeb says.” Yet not a weak Hindu”-that , being one who believes in Sanadhana Dharma-or Hinduism,I find to be objectionable.It is the circumstances that make people cowards or valiant.The fact that Alexander the Great faught his last war in India stands testimony to the strength and valor of Hindus( It still is a debatable point as to whether Alexander defeated King Porus or not).Further, Chandragupta Maurya , the forefather of Ashoka the Great, defeated Sellucas Niketor , Alexander’s Satrap, and ,even married the latter’s daughter, receiving 1000 elephants in dowry! FYI ,Chandragupta Maurya’s kingdom had extended upto Iran, which qualifies him to be the Greatest King India ever produced.

Having said it all, you are well within your rights to interpret historical events the way you wish as many famous writers have done.In a writer’s deft hand a hero becomes a zero and vice versa.He can denigrate or glorify any personage at his will-that’s literay license.(In the latest best seller, ‘The Achilles Song”, the protogonist is shown to be a gay.Oliver Stone’s Alexander ,movie , I think, has the eponymous hero indulge in homo-sexual romance.The Christ of Khazandth Zthachis(or Martin Scorzeze' s film) ‘ The Last Temptation of Christ ‘ is not the one Jesus we had heard of )

Ther are a few malapropisms and typos which could easily be fixed in you next edit.Some of them are:-

# In the Pitch- ‘Auragzed DOES NOT BE ABLE to believe it>>>>>>>>>(could not believ it)
# In ch#1 …..I had BORE it>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>(BORNE?)
#making other TO cry >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>(‘to ‘ not required)
#OUTSKIRTS of my eyes turned red>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>(outskirts of a city is okay, but…)
#In Ch#2 , the start of my January was on 4 Nov 1618>>>>>>>>>>>>(you mean ‘journey?)
#Chenghis was semantist?>>>>>>>>>>>>>(I heard he was a follower of the pagan cult of Mangolia)
#In Ch#4, ‘ADOBE of RELIGIOUS priest>>>>>>>>>>( abode of Christian missioneries)
# The last sentence of Ch#4 seems incomplete.
# Ch#6 ‘ So immense was the intensity>>>>( although not incorrect ,sounds tautological)
# IMITATED HER IN HER CRYING >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>(was he trying to mimic/copy her or fool her by doing so? Was he sincere in doing so? If yes , imitate is a wrong choice)
#When Auragzeb says that he was the Mughal King of India , Nargis was not at all taken aback ?

Your Auragzeb is at times remorseful and introspective which puts him in a totally different light.

The romance between Auragzeb and Annie has been so cleverly depicted that nobody will find it necessary to check the facts.And that is the triumph of a writer.

The motif of Papaya tree is aptly used to spark curiosity.And the six secrets of the Emperor-they are really fantastic and speak volumes for your gifted imagination.

Aurangzeb’s exchanging his life, at the deathbed, with that of a ghost is a good idea and you have developed it very well.It reminds one of the ‘transmigration of soul’ done by Adi Shankara in 800AD when he left his body in the care of his deciple while his soul resurrected a dead king by entering his body miles and miles away.

The second paragraph of Ch#1 as well as the first paras of other chapters could be outstanding for their wonderful use of metaphors ,provided they are subjected to a minor editing.

The flow of the narrative and therefore the readability of your work are praiseworthy.

I had always been a searcher of strange historical anecdotes , particularly the missing links and those discrepencies that still lie unanswered .I ,too, liked to read between the lines in historical texts.In you , I can see more than a match for me, that too at such a tender age. You have done an excellent job of writing a book packed with so much startling facts and fiction that It heralds the rise of a young new voice.

And a salute to your knowledge of Geography!

All the above points are only my personal views and not intended to challenge or offend you in any way whatsoever.

Five Stars!

Thx & Rgds
SWORDMUZIC

I wanted to say that, as AZurangzeb is a pretty important and well-studied personality, it would not amke any sense to cover the days before his :escape from the deathbed" and if i did that , it would be copyright violation. So i decided to give the readers a fast description of Aurangzeb and his background and personality in the first two chapters as to lay the emphasis on the five mysteries in all the later chapters so that the rest of the book does not tilt outside the plot.

My side of our read swap:
I liked your story pitch, pointing out that everything has two sides to it, and that though this king has made religious reforms that does not stop him from having another, darker side to him. Intriguing.
I read the first few chapters and you have a very lyrical, literary style of writing, using a lot of vivid metaphors. It’s almost like reading poetry. It is also original sounding, very uniquely yours.
You’ve also chosen an apparently important historical figure to use in your work, which could help you gain the attention of agents/publishers if a novel on this subject has not already been done.
There are two main areas which, in my opinion, could use a little work.
The first is really minor—there are a few typos throughout (which always show up in every work): “you are hear” should be “you are here” “with he English” should be “with the English” “Are you from India” should have a question mark after it, “I advice you” should be “I advise you” etc.
The other area is the pacing. It’s slow in my mind because there’s a lot of summary and not many scenes, and those have a slightly rushed feeling. For example, in chapter one you start off with several long, abstract descriptions and then have a brief scene where the ghost gives the king more years to live. This scene could be really slowed down, let the reader see what the ghost looks like, let the reader experience with the king what happens here; it could easily take up a chapter.
After this brief scene, you go into backstory, the listing of the five mysteries.
In the second chapter you summarize what happened in the first chapter, that the ghost gave the king a longer life and that he has five mysteries to look into. The king’s personality and history is told.
In the third chapter his actions and travels after the ghost’s death are summarized into a few paragraphs. And then you have another scene in which he is invited to become a secret agent for the queen of England. It seems a bit unbelievable that this person would choose a stranger at random to be considered for this task.
Overall, it reads more like nonfiction than fiction in that fiction is made up of scenes with some connecting summary, while nonfiction is mainly summary with a few brief, anecdotal scenes.
I hope this doesn’t sound too negative or anything, I think you have a very powerful story and a wonderful writing style. I hope you find success with this book

Debbie Coope wrote 655 days ago

Al-Harth,

I found your book difficult to read at first, and had the feeling of rushing to give the reader too much information, too soon. Having said that, the idea for your story is very good.

What I did enjoy were the analogies that you used: how sovereignity is likened to a river; a hand to a soul, etc.

Kayla H wrote 656 days ago

My side of our read swap:
I liked your story pitch, pointing out that everything has two sides to it, and that though this king has made religious reforms that does not stop him from having another, darker side to him. Intriguing.
I read the first few chapters and you have a very lyrical, literary style of writing, using a lot of vivid metaphors. It’s almost like reading poetry. It is also original sounding, very uniquely yours.
You’ve also chosen an apparently important historical figure to use in your work, which could help you gain the attention of agents/publishers if a novel on this subject has not already been done.
There are two main areas which, in my opinion, could use a little work.
The first is really minor—there are a few typos throughout (which always show up in every work): “you are hear” should be “you are here” “with he English” should be “with the English” “Are you from India” should have a question mark after it, “I advice you” should be “I advise you” etc.
The other area is the pacing. It’s slow in my mind because there’s a lot of summary and not many scenes, and those have a slightly rushed feeling. For example, in chapter one you start off with several long, abstract descriptions and then have a brief scene where the ghost gives the king more years to live. This scene could be really slowed down, let the reader see what the ghost looks like, let the reader experience with the king what happens here; it could easily take up a chapter.
After this brief scene, you go into backstory, the listing of the five mysteries.
In the second chapter you summarize what happened in the first chapter, that the ghost gave the king a longer life and that he has five mysteries to look into. The king’s personality and history is told.
In the third chapter his actions and travels after the ghost’s death are summarized into a few paragraphs. And then you have another scene in which he is invited to become a secret agent for the queen of England. It seems a bit unbelievable that this person would choose a stranger at random to be considered for this task.
Overall, it reads more like nonfiction than fiction in that fiction is made up of scenes with some connecting summary, while nonfiction is mainly summary with a few brief, anecdotal scenes.
I hope this doesn’t sound too negative or anything, I think you have a very powerful story and a wonderful writing style. I hope you find success with this book

Hello. I am to tell you that Aurangzeb was somehow the greatest Mughal emperor of India and the last one of the Mughal emperors who could claim control over india. He was a religious man as well as one with great military skill. He is, for all the Muslims across the globe, a hero.

Hi Al-Harth "the guardian", Magnificent writing! .. especially for someone from another country & that is meant as a true compliment! Very philosophical .. full of interesting life comparisons! I can't believe you're only 18! Your writing conveys the maturity of a much older writer. A few observations .. only as a result from being from another country, I'm sure!

Chapter 1 .. Thanks (Thank) god, you are hear (here)

haulted = halted

After this my heart took me took the thought? not sure if you actually meant to change this to my heart took thought

adapted child (adopted?)

Chapter 2 .. Love the way you compare life with the months of the year

Not sure I would put "Read on to find out how I discovered the secret ..etc .. It doesn't fit for me.

mysterious tree that I see in dreams .. etc.. link with he (the)

interesting religious lineage ... hindu, christian, muslim

Glancing at the beginning of chapter 8 .. I'm not familiar with Zameer so looked it up ... awakening of a soul?

I think you should consider dividing the chapters into authonomy chapters instead of having the 1st 9 all on Chapter 1.

I've read the first 4 chapters. Parts of the story was hard for me to follow since I know very little about Indian history. I don't know who Aurangzeb was but I think you've got the right idea choosing historical figures. Keep at it! You're young & I think sure to become a published author. Be patient & keep honing your natural writing skills. Great job! You have a good eye for detail & telling a story! Lots of stars,

Jane Lawry
The Genealogists: On Holy Ground

Searcher wrote 659 days ago

Hi Al-Harth "the guardian", Magnificent writing! .. especially for someone from another country & that is meant as a true compliment! Very philosophical .. full of interesting life comparisons! I can't believe you're only 18! Your writing conveys the maturity of a much older writer. A few observations .. only as a result from being from another country, I'm sure!

Chapter 1 .. Thanks (Thank) god, you are hear (here)

haulted = halted

After this my heart took me took the thought? not sure if you actually meant to change this to my heart took thought

adapted child (adopted?)

Chapter 2 .. Love the way you compare life with the months of the year

Not sure I would put "Read on to find out how I discovered the secret ..etc .. It doesn't fit for me.

mysterious tree that I see in dreams .. etc.. link with he (the)

interesting religious lineage ... hindu, christian, muslim

Glancing at the beginning of chapter 8 .. I'm not familiar with Zameer so looked it up ... awakening of a soul?

I think you should consider dividing the chapters into authonomy chapters instead of having the 1st 9 all on Chapter 1.

I've read the first 4 chapters. Parts of the story was hard for me to follow since I know very little about Indian history. I don't know who Aurangzeb was but I think you've got the right idea choosing historical figures. Keep at it! You're young & I think sure to become a published author. Be patient & keep honing your natural writing skills. Great job! You have a good eye for detail & telling a story! Lots of stars,

Jane Lawry
The Genealogists: On Holy Ground

Betty K wrote 660 days ago

This is beautifully written in a literary style that is enhanced because you are writing in your second language. Some of the narrative is extremely poetic although difficult to read quickly. One would have to take time with this book and I would hope to get back and do some more.

Sentences like "She was the sister of Satan, I thought in my heart," are wonderful to behold. This is not a book to read quickly but to keep on your bedside stand and read a few chapters each night for it's poetical qualities.

My one suggestion is that you have included too much in this first "chapter" I would break it down into only two or three chapters in each section. Otherwise it is cultural overload for people.

Love the time period you are writing about. It coincides with my book.

Best wishes in getting this to the top.

Betty K "The Merchant's Dilemma"

fictionguy wrote 661 days ago

I like your unusual style of English and you have a way of explaing the secrets of your world. I only read two chapters but will come back and read the rst. five stars so far

Jack Bilworthy wrote 664 days ago

Oh great! I love topics regarding Indian History! In fact, I studied Indian History at England. The Work is superb and I would say that I loved the unique plot of the story.
Well done, Mr. Long name

Christopher D. Abbott wrote 664 days ago

As requested I spent a little time reviewing. Sadly, It was far too heavy going for me and not to my taste at all.

The concept of the story is excellent. The descriptions were extremely heavy, although this may be the genre norm. I can certainly see the hard work you've put into this and I wish you every success with it. It's uniqueness should give it the edge you need for publication, once you polish it up a bit!

Kind regards,
Chris

janbeelandman wrote 664 days ago

Amazing stuff. Your style is still very raw but it has a wonderful, almost haunting rhythm. Other commentators have already remarked that the story is sometimes hard to follow for readers unfamiliar with Indian history. This is true but it also adds extra intrigue.I like this very much. On my watchlist and liberally starred.

jbl

patio wrote 664 days ago

You have something fabulous here. Wow, you have me hooked from the start.

Two chapters done. I'll continue but high stars thus far

Why did you take the book off your backlist?

interesting story that you write very well indeed, with excellent narrative; which is well paced and descriptive.
backed.
read: SEASONS...

Amy Smith wrote 666 days ago

This novel has a very unique plot, and i admire that you're trying to tell such a story. I believe this book could really stand out from others of its genre. However, being unfamiliar with Indian history, i did find it a bit heavy going, so it might be worth considering explaining the historical aspect of this novel as though the reader has no knowledge of Indian history. There are also some typing and gramatical errors, so i think it needs editing a bit in order for it to be more polished.
I sincerely wish you the best of luck with this.
Amy

Dear Mr. Olefish... I will be looking into these problems sometime soon. Actually I wanted Aurangzeb to have an audience with Queen Anne in some way so i assigned him the duty of hers secret spy.

It is very interesting. It's bit dense to read though. Most people in the west are not familiar with Indian history, so they will not know what you're talking about most of the time. I'm somewhat able to follow your work because I have visited Agra. I toured The taj Mahal, the Agra Fort and Fatenpur Sikri, between the visits to the sites, I got a crash course on India history. I have to say, Auranghzeb didn't strike me as a sympathetic figure. I found his religious intolerance upsetting.

Anyway you need write this with a lot more detail in a such way that the reader is gently introduced into the alternate setting. Assume your reader knows absolutely nothing about india history and start from there. Think of it as writing a fantasy novel but with a historical setting.

Also I enjoyed the poetic opening paragraphs. However the plot seems to be convoluted and somewhat unbelievable. This man whom no one really recognizes as king anymore gets an audience with Queen Anne? That is quite unbelievable. Also the dialogue is really really sound bad. It sounds very stilted. You use dialogue to infodump, which is a nono. Dialogue should be to show character and move plot forward.

Su Dan wrote 669 days ago

interesting story that you write very well indeed, with excellent narrative; which is well paced and descriptive.
backed.
read: SEASONS...

olefish wrote 670 days ago

It is very interesting. It's bit dense to read though. Most people in the west are not familiar with Indian history, so they will not know what you're talking about most of the time. I'm somewhat able to follow your work because I have visited Agra. I toured The taj Mahal, the Agra Fort and Fatenpur Sikri, between the visits to the sites, I got a crash course on India history. I have to say, Auranghzeb didn't strike me as a sympathetic figure. I found his religious intolerance upsetting.

Anyway you need write this with a lot more detail in a such way that the reader is gently introduced into the alternate setting. Assume your reader knows absolutely nothing about india history and start from there. Think of it as writing a fantasy novel but with a historical setting.

Also I enjoyed the poetic opening paragraphs. However the plot seems to be convoluted and somewhat unbelievable. This man whom no one really recognizes as king anymore gets an audience with Queen Anne? That is quite unbelievable. Also the dialogue is really really sound bad. It sounds very stilted. You use dialogue to infodump, which is a nono. Dialogue should be to show character and move plot forward.

soutexmex wrote 670 days ago

I checked out chapters 4, 5 & 6. If you want to be taken serious on this website, then take some time out and break out the chapters into their own individual postings. I actually thought the description of the book is better than the three chapters I read. Too many 'I's'. Makes it amateurish. Go back and take out many of the 'I's', polish it through an edit or two. I did the same in my novel as it is in first person as well.

JC

Hello! I forgot to tell you all that the book is from Aurangzeb's narrative.

maretha wrote 672 days ago

Dear Muhammed, Your book has a very interesting plot and will most certainly interest many people. I commend your great effort and enthusiasm to tackle such a difficult genre.
All the best on Authonomy in the days ahead
Maretha/African Adventures of Flame, Family, Furry and Feathered Friends

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