Book Jacket


rank 5904
word count 22075
date submitted 12.06.2012
date updated 12.06.2012
genres: Science Fiction
classification: universal

The Sword and The Prophet

Missy LaRae

Lily and Tyler are twins fighting for survival. Their own, their world's, and their species. Will they embrace their destiny?


Lily and Tyler are hurt. They're hurt by their perverse and abusive mother, and they're hurt by what life has handed them. They bravely escape from their mother's house to seek out their paternal aunt in hopes that she'll take them in and take care of them. Their hopes are soon dashed when they realize that their new aunt and uncle aren't who they seem to be at all. In the darkness of the night with the light of the moon surrounding her Lily is dramatically transformed into something that both fascinates and scares her. With time running out they twins try to escape but are thwarted at the last minute. With the strength of their new bodies Lily and Tyler finally manage to escape and come face to face with a smooth talking teenager named Talon with fire in his hands and an otherworldly aura. What he reveals to them about who they are and their place in the world shocks them to their very core. They have to decide whether or not they're going to continue to run and hide or if they're going to embrace their future.

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aliens, amatia prime, brother and sister, prophet, science fiction, sword, syren, twins, young adult

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beany wrote 669 days ago

Great start to what promises to be a thrilling children's adventure. I like that the story starts right in the action and my heart is pounding from the beginning.

The pitch has exactly the right kind of content for this book but you might want to space it into paragraphs to make it more readable. Also, there is quite a lot of word repetion with "hurt" "hope" and "escape" which could be avoided with some creative restructuring. However, this is a problem with your pitch only as the descriptions in the story itself are very good.

I also like the voice you have established for your main character. It is told from a young veiw point and this comes across well as does the accent. I would however restrict the substiution of an apostrophy for a "g" (eg. headin') to the speach as it is a bit distracting in the main body of the story.

Overall, I think this has real promise and I can see why your children enjoy it so much.

Good luck with the rest of the story!
Cheryl x

MissyLaRae wrote 672 days ago


Thank you for the comment, it's not uploaded with a bold font so no idea how it shows up as bold on here.

Thank you,


Shelby Z. wrote 672 days ago

This is a creative story plot and characters.
I really like the way that you open it up your book. it has a good pacing to keep the reader interested to read more.
You have a good development here too.
One thing I would suggest is making your font not bold, so it looks more professional. Otherwise it is really excellent idea.
You have a good imagination.
Good work.

Shelby Z./Driving Winds

P.S. Please take a look at my pirate adventure Driving Winds.