The God String

I've always wondered what I would do if this happened to me. So glad it hasn't; athough sometimes I think it would be nice if the world just went away. But then I'd get bored and lonely, especially as I like to talk (its the old ancient Irish ancestry I expect). I digress. Loved this. Amusing, well written and an interesting premise.
Andrea
The de Amerley Affair

The book was great ..well until the end...I feel like there should be more..you could keep going for a few more chapters at least...What happened???

Thanks for the read! The book is the first in a series, hence the cliffhanger. The second book is coming soon.

The book was great ..well until the end...I feel like there should be more..you could keep going for a few more chapters at least...What happened???

The God String.
By Montgomery Thompson.


Well what can I say? This is a great Sci-Fi mystery right from the very first page.
You have given the reader some vivid detail as Rand wakes to find his girlfriend, Moira missing.
The usual check around the house brings up nothing, it appears that she’s not been gone long though, she can’t be far surely.
A quick look out of the window tells him there’s been an accident outside, could she be hurt?
Vehicles strewn across the street, horns blaring out here and there, tell him something different—there’s no-one about...anywhere.
You paint a good picture of the deserted streets as Rand tries to find Moira.
I could feel the tension and worry as he checks upon the local hospital and comes up zero.
The phones are all dead so there’s no chance of getting any questions answered.
I think this is a brilliant read, right up my street, so to speak.
I can see from your profile that you’ve introduced some of your own background into the book...nothing wrong with that...it’s great.
I’ve not finished reading it yet, but I can say safely that I will do, it’s to my liking.
Many stars and best wishes with this, Monte.
Well done!!

Best regards,

Neville. The Secrets of the Forest – The Time Zone.

Hi Monte,

I got to your book rather sooner than planned. The Preface is sweet - melt-in-your-mouth stuff - like fairyfloss. A whisper of teasing words full of meaning, yet whisked away in a breath. I like it.

I've only read the first chapter, but it was quite captivating. I like the way you write and the pace suits the plot. Six stars and I look forward to reading more.

Kerrie Price
THE GOD PLEASERS 40 day Study Guide

Bob, thank you so very much for not only reading the whole story but giving detailed corrections. I will definitely make those changes.
The story gets a comb through once after it's written. Then it goes for a read to my gf, dad, brother and sister-in-law. They usualy come up with most of the corrections thatI I miss and come up with continuity. Then I wait a month or two and give it one more scrubbing.
It's funny you mention Life AFter People. I watched the whole series and made notes as I went. I only used a few things because most of the information I needed was centered around plot locations.
The internet also has a lot of information regarding apocalyptic subjects that was extremely useful. How the heck did writers do their research before Wikipedia? Hard to fathom.
A very helpful part of the process was geting the story fact checked. The man who fact checked the flight information was the test pilot for Boeing's new Dreamliner. Again, lucked out on that one!
It's very difficult, as you know, to get someone to read the whole story and give feedback so again, thank you so much! The One True Bank is next on my list!

Well, I haven't said this very often in all the time I have been here on Authonomy...

But I have read every word you posted, in one sitting.

Truth be told, you caught me at a good time, I am stuck on my arse, recovering from an unfortunate encounter with a horse ( http://www.authonomy.com/forums/threads/99337/dadoo/ ) , so unusually I have the time to give this book proper consideration.

I do believe story is king, and you have a very good story here. Enough of a story, to keep me reading until the end. I do admit, I'm a bit of a sucker for "survival" type stories, and I like the way that your main character made potentially fatal mistakes on occasion. Obviously he couldn't think of everything, and those mistakes balance out his usual thoughtfulness.

Have you seen any of the tv series " life after people" the documentaries have a similar premis to your book, in that people suddenly and inexplicably disappear, then follows the consequences in the hours, days, months and years. Everything from feral dogs to nuclear meltdowns. The show is very meticulous in showing the consequences and timeline of what might be working or not after the people who maintain it suddenly disappear.

If you haven't seen it, I would suggest you watch it, only in that it is carefully researched, and may give you some more ideas on situations which might increase the tension in parts of your book.

This is not to say that your book isn't tense as is. Some people may prefer more action in some parts of the book, although I thought it was just fine.

I dearly hope you have spent many hours editing, and correcting the inevitable mistakes that creep In when quickly writing a novel.

If you have not, then you are a bastard and I hate you forever :-)

Not really of course, but while I was reading for pure enjoyment, I must say that very few actual errors jumped out at me. Here are my notes. I am offering them, not in a nitpicky critical way, but honestly to help you quickly fix a few things that drew me out of the story. They are not critically important, but they may be of some assistance. I always appreciate when an extra pair of eyes spots things I missed in my manuscript...

Chapter two, when your mc decides he needs to learn how to fly a helicopter...

  Rand had flown in small aircraft several times growing up in Montana. He had a doctor friend that used to call and invite his ( should probably be him ) to fly. He would let Rand take the controls and go through training maneuvers. This had piqued Rand’s interest in flying and though he couldn’t afford to get his license he had spent a lot

Chapter six, right after the mention of " miracle day"

    Rand slept in the hospital bed next to Elsie’s. She woke him up several times during the night for help getting into the wheelchair so she could go to the bathroom. Her color had vastly. (vastly what? Improved?)

Chapter seven, in the ikea lunchroom.

‘Because you’re saying things to give me an open door to get away from you ( for clarity, I would put a comma here, I had to re read this sentence a few times before I 'got' it ) like you will do something that will make me leave anyway. You think you did something to make him have an affair.’

Chapter nine, just before they leave on the black ops mission...

He looked (at?) her.


That's it. If you write that well on the fly, you have a brilliant future ahead of you ( and you are a bastard :-)

The best compliment I can give you is that I enjoyed the story very much. It took my mind off the pain for a whole afternoon, and for that I thank you. When you have more that you are willing to post, please let me know. I would gladly read more.

Bob

Pat thank you for much needed and appreciated feedback!

Fantastic book to be written in such a short time period and, obviously, a brilliant author to accomplish this feat. This is an altogether unique, captivating approach to a story and it is a remarkable early draft. I've only a few minor suggestions:

1. Your chapters are extremely long. I really think, to keep reader interest and to speed up the pace of the narrative a bit, they could be broken down into several chapters. Let me give you an example from chapter one. Out of ch. 1, I would begin a new chapter with each of the following sentences:
a new chapter beginning with: "Rand (omit "also") loved music and started playing guitar at just 10 years of age."
a new chapter beginning with: "Faux weathered walls gave a homely feel to the room.:

2. On revision of your manuscript (as each of us has to do repeatedly), take care to watch for wording and the correct use of parts of a sentence. i.e. You have a sentence that ends: "bare feet still holding his tea" - it sounds like his feet are holding the tea mug.

The prologue is great: it establishes a dark, moody feel for the book and the reader knows that it will come back to haunt the story in later chapters (as, indeed, it does). I loved the dog!!! As an animal lover, I found this to be a wonderful, wonderful addition to your story! Good work! You show a real gift at being a storyteller and a writer. I hope you go on to revise and edit your story and get it ready for publication. Supported with a bunch of stars! Blessings, Pat

Thanks for the add. Good observations all, here's the answers: The reason for Rand's inability to wake is one of the prevailing myteries of the series and is foreshadowed in the preface. More is revealed later in the book and in the series. I wantd the realization of the changes to his world to be slow and sleepy, again the reasons have to do with what was ahappenning befoe he awoke. The soccer vs. vollyball reference is more to do with his state of mind. I can remember my mother getting upset at me as a kid and calling me by the names of my siblings, sometimes all three before she got mine right. I do the same thing when my mind is going to fast for my mouth. All nouns become 'thing' and people are 'that guy'. It seems I should have spent more time making it clear that his slip was caused by his state of mind.
All things to work on. Thank you so much for the observations and the read!

GOD STRING
This is a book based on an interesting concept and what all of us sometimes wish would happen: what would the world be like if everyone but yourself disappeared? Rand is a good main character; he’s likable and sympathetic and puzzled. A small thing: if all the cars crashed into each other and the alarms went off, wouldn’t Rand have awoken to those sounds rather than just the chirping of birds (and wouldn’t that make an even more dramatic beginning?) And a small thing, but wasn’t Tom Hanks talking to a volleyball? Either way, this is a good read. Highly starred and added to my shelf. Wanttobewriter: Who Killed the President?

Welcome to Authonomy. This is phenomenal, considering you knocked it out in a few weeks. So nice when the muse strikes! I think the writing and the story concept are strong; your descriptions are solid and your main character interesting. (Hey, he sounds a lot like you! Probably a coincidence.) If I was to tinker, I might introduce the dog early on and bring him along on the walk to give your main character someone to talk to and break up the monologue a bit. But that's just my humble opinion. I think you're off and running. Good luck with this!
Tod
If you have any interest in Kids' literature, please have a look at the Lost Wink. http://authonomy.com/books/40646/the-lost-wink/