Book Jacket

 

rank 5918
word count 10354
date submitted 17.06.2012
date updated 17.06.2012
genres: Fiction, Chick Lit, Historical Fict...
classification: universal
incomplete

Thorn

Jessica Olonovich

For three years the Black Rose lurked in the shadows, taking what she wanted. Now the shadows threaten to devour her with her own secrets.

 

At the end of the Middle Ages, Roseanne Winter struggles to climb out of poverty. Persecuted by Lord Swindlehurst and his wife, she fights to keep her grandmother out of debtor’s jail and escape the clutches of a marriage of convenience. But the Swindlehursts are relentless… The Black Rose plays a dual role for the poor of Devonshire. She is both avenger and patron, stealing from their tormentors and scattering the spoils freely. For three years she’s lurked in the shadows, taking what she wanted and what others needed. But now the shadows lurk around her, threatening to devour her with her own secrets… The Silver Eagle gallivants through England, bringing justice to ruffians and criminals. Rumors circled around Devonshire claim that the Black Rose has mocked the Law and tempted the inevitable for too long. His hunt has begun, and the Law doesn’t care if he takes her alive…

 
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tags

black rose, medieval, thief, thorn, young adult

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10 comments

 

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junetee wrote 666 days ago

Thorn.

Nice idea - a female Robin Hood.
You write beautifully, with a comfortable pace and some unusual and attractive descriptions. Sometimes your sentances needed turning around, and a comma was needed here and there, but I can see with a bit of editing this will make a wonderful book.
But I feel there are a number of problems, nothing that can't be easily remedied. One being the date its set in, which comes across as centuries later than the middle ages. Maybe you could change this to suit. It reminded me of the date when Pride and Prejudice or some of the other classics were set.
.Another is a few words you used, like 'oh sure, now you wanna go back'. This isn't correct English, and isn't your story is set in England?
I hope you don't mind me mentioning these things, take my opinions or leave them as you choose, its up to you in the end. I'm no expert.
Overall you have a great book. Its compelling to read, and I enjoyed it very much. High stars.
junetee
FOUR CORNERS.book one.The Rock Star

Mumsie 1 wrote 672 days ago

Jessica;
I finally got around to take a look at your work. You have an easy flowing writing style and I like how you set your scenes.
I can see this appeal to the YA market as well as history lovers.
Your main character is very likeable and you know how to hook your readers and make them come back for more.
Nicely done. Highly starred.
Elke
'Ella In Between'

Isoje David wrote 673 days ago

This is interesting. I see the relationship between a daughter and a Grandmother with fact, trying to put her on the best scene fro what she wanted and thought. Money and power was another good themes to look at it. I love books that have good themes, not only entertaining. Well done.
Six stars

Isoje David

Animals In Paradise.

Isoje David wrote 673 days ago

This is interesting. I see the relationship between a daughter and a Grandmother with fact, trying to put her on the best scene fro what she wanted and thought. Money and power was another good themes to look at it. I love books that have good themes, not only entertaining. Well done.
Six stars

Isoje David

Animals In Paradise.

Wanttobeawriter wrote 675 days ago

THORN
This is a good mystery. I like the contrast in the beginning between a simple scene of a girl picking berries and then suddenly the fire. Makes Roseanne a sympathetic character because she’s not only lost her home and family but Lord Swindlehurst wants to rip her favorite necklace off her neck. The whole idea of the Black Rose, a female Robin Hood, is good plotting. The near escapes and frantic runs into the night are exciting. A small thing: You might think about Lord Swindlehurst’s name; it seems too close to what he is to sound real. Either way, this is a good story. Highly starred and added to my shelf. Wanttobeawriter: Who Killed the President?

Cyrus Hood wrote 675 days ago

Hi Jessica this is Cyrus,
I have read a couple of chapters of your work, who is it aimed at? it reads easily and the style is interesting. I have made a few notes, tell me to shut up if you don't want comments.
In the prologue you write about the determined snorting horses that had to be goaded- this is a paradox and it the flow stumbled because the reader has to revisit the sentence to understand.
although you don't say so, I assume that this takes place in Europe or England, I think you mention European Beeches a couple of times, and the repetition is a hurdle to the flow of the story.
'matching brown eyes' didn't quite work for me, what are they matching?
'Stretch coins like elastic' - careful, rubber, sic elastic was not introduced to Europe until the 18th century.
Otherwise an interesting and thoughtful work that will surely find a place on the site.
Nice cover by the way.
i have put you on my watch list with plenty of stars to get you going

good luck


Perhaps I can tempt you to look at Hellion 2 - a tragic romance that unfolds in occupied Normandy- not so much a war story, this is part 2 of a series of 4 but it can be read alone. i would appreciate a comment.
thank you
regards
Cyrus

femmefranglaise wrote 675 days ago

Hi Jessica, lots of promise in your writing but as daydreaming has already commented, I was a bit confused about the historical period it was set in. It sounds far more renaissance than Middle Ages. I know one followed the other but the feel is definitely more 16th century and some of the dialogue sounds very modern. That said, I think this will pan out to be a great story and I'll be back to read some more soon. High stars in the meantime.

Melanie
La Vie en Rosé

Neuravinci wrote 676 days ago

oh no! Put up the other chapters please! I just finished 8 and really want to know what happens! :)

Neuravinci wrote 676 days ago

I just have to wonder how the grandmother figured out about the money...I think that may need to be worked on.
Some of the secrets tend to be revealed a bit too quickly in the story. Perhaps stretch everything out a bit. Maybe the Black Rose identity: don't make it known as quickly as you did, but toss in suspicions and then maybe in a later chapter than you did, reveal her identity as Roseanne, assuming I have the identity correct :)

Neuravinci wrote 676 days ago

Hmmm the Black Rose is Roseanne, then? I thought so from the beginning, but then I thought no. But now I'm not so sure. BTW I'm only commenting as I have just read chapter 2-Rumors and Robbery :)

I am liking the fast-pace of your story and the fact that there is much potential for intrigue. and Swindlehurst---Oh how I hate him! Such a dolt indeed!

But...the story seems to have a good plot so far, and you have a good set-up for characterization in the sense I can get an idea of the personalities of various characters, etc. The pace is fast and there are layers to the story being set up in these first chapters. I would say, overall, a good job. I will now go back to reading more! :)

-Rania Hanna

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