Devils in Disguise

Distinct writer's voice with a great flow. I'm impressed. Visual descriptions. Great pace, too, almost a staccato style, quick moving. Before I knew it, I was inside the apartment, inside his head, about to have oatmeal that almost resembled food. I love it when characters come to life in the first chapters, that's what you did. On my WL for now. Enjoyed it very much!
Donna
No Kiss Good-bye

Thanks, TDonna. It was a riot to write. Hope you get a chance to read the book in it's entirety. I'll look up one of your books, as well.

Eric Beach
'Devils In Disguise'

Distinct writer's voice with a great flow. I'm impressed. Visual descriptions. Great pace, too, almost a staccato style, quick moving. Before I knew it, I was inside the apartment, inside his head, about to have oatmeal that almost resembled food. I love it when characters come to life in the first chapters, that's what you did. On my WL for now. Enjoyed it very much!
Donna
No Kiss Good-bye

Read the first three chapters and liking it very much. I love noir books, and yours has great feel to it. The prose is tight and muscular, doesn't waste any time.

If I can make only one observation...a part of me would have liked to have somehow "seen" the bodies that were being discussed in Chapter Two, especially the one stoned to death, instead of hearing about it passively over the phone. I know as a reporter, that's how he gets his info...i think maybe I would have liked to have him somehow visually see it, see how bad it was. I don't know why i have to see the corpse. I'm a sick reader that way. :)

But anyway, it's going great so far. I look forward to reading more. Thanks for posting it.

Hi Noirinator / Eric, I read chapter 6. This was a breath of fresh air in the way it is written, it reminded me of Dragnet or Dead Men wear plaid and all I could do was imagine Dan Ackroyd or Steve Martin narating the story, maybe this is a preminition !. I found it very entertaining, especially as it touches on religion in places and this amused me. Where you have 'pause', maybe you could add someting to create an atmosphere? It feels like a bit of the sentence is missing.
Excellent work, Well Done and I wish you Luck
Kindest Regards and Best Wishes
Lenny Banks - Tide and Time: At The Rock
I would appreciate a return read, if you are able to find time.

Thanks, Lenny. I didn't realize what a hybrid of genres I was writing when I started. But now I do. It's a hard things to balance: noir, crime, religion, Kierkegaard, etc.
Looking forward to reading some of yours.

Eric

Serious page turner. Beach's noir feel is highly effective. I felt like I was reading in black and white while rain streamed down my bleary office window. The intersection of religion and violence is eerily reminiscent of the contemporary (and sadly quotidian) temper of our time.

Thanks, tj. Appreciate the comments and thoughts.

Hi Noirinator / Eric, I read chapter 6. This was a breath of fresh air in the way it is written, it reminded me of Dragnet or Dead Men wear plaid and all I could do was imagine Dan Ackroyd or Steve Martin narating the story, maybe this is a preminition !. I found it very entertaining, especially as it touches on religion in places and this amused me. Where you have 'pause', maybe you could add someting to create an atmosphere? It feels like a bit of the sentence is missing.
Excellent work, Well Done and I wish you Luck
Kindest Regards and Best Wishes
Lenny Banks - Tide and Time: At The Rock
I would appreciate a return read, if you are able to find time.

Serious page turner. Beach's noir feel is highly effective. I felt like I was reading in black and white while rain streamed down my bleary office window. The intersection of religion and violence is eerily reminiscent of the contemporary (and sadly quotidian) temper of our time.

Eric Beach - Devils in Disguise
I started reading with the intention of doing my duty for a swap read, but the plot thickened all the way and I've enjoyed what I've read up to now. I still wonder why the mc has a thing about his father - no doubt if the plot keeps moving at the rate it does throughout the story, I'll find out. Your dialogue is very entertaining. I hope Jed makes it as a reporter. High stars for what promises to be an excellent thriller.
All the best on authonomy
Maretha/African Adventures of Flame, Family, Furry and Feathered Friends

Thanks for the read, Maretha. You find out more about the father issue as the story goes (and I recently finished uploading the rest of the novella. Glad you like it. Looking forward to reading more of yours.
Eric Beach

Hi Eric,

As a fan of noir I was hoping to really like this; I did! :-)

It is a great example of the genre: stylish but economical writing; a first person, wry, weary, deadpan voice with just enough playful one-liners; a fast paced story with bags of intrigue, a colourful assortment of supporting characters; and that essential build up of noir atmosphere. I liked the short chapters, too, with the pithy sign-offs. And the ping-pong dialogue is also very much at home.

I couldn't find much to fault as I got carried along with the story.

A reviewer below spotted some nits on caps which I did too.

In chp1 I spotted a few 'fragment' sentences, or 'run-on's as they are also called.

As a personal pref I would like to have seen more of the storyline as you introduce us to the MC. Just a few asides to the murder he has written about as it is a bit too much atmosphere and character study at the moment. Whereas ch2 is all storyline.

One other thing - the reference to his editor and the religious angle wasn't too clear to me.

Hope that helps.

I loved it - top stuff.

Terry

Thanks, Terry. Yeah, I think I might have to adjust Ch. 1. It's pretty different from the rest of the story. Some have even suggested scrapping it and starting with Ch. 2. I'm kinda attached to the character development there, but am sure I can make Ch. 1 leaner so it fits with the rest. Thanks for the read and comments.
Eric

Hi Eric,

As a fan of noir I was hoping to really like this; I did! :-)

It is a great example of the genre: stylish but economical writing; a first person, wry, weary, deadpan voice with just enough playful one-liners; a fast paced story with bags of intrigue, a colourful assortment of supporting characters; and that essential build up of noir atmosphere. I liked the short chapters, too, with the pithy sign-offs. And the ping-pong dialogue is also very much at home.

I couldn't find much to fault as I got carried along with the story.

A reviewer below spotted some nits on caps which I did too.

In chp1 I spotted a few 'fragment' sentences, or 'run-on's as they are also called.

As a personal pref I would like to have seen more of the storyline as you introduce us to the MC. Just a few asides to the murder he has written about as it is a bit too much atmosphere and character study at the moment. Whereas ch2 is all storyline.

One other thing - the reference to his editor and the religious angle wasn't too clear to me.

Hope that helps.

I loved it - top stuff.

Terry

Eric Beach - Devils in Disguise
I started reading with the intention of doing my duty for a swap read, but the plot thickened all the way and I've enjoyed what I've read up to now. I still wonder why the mc has a thing about his father - no doubt if the plot keeps moving at the rate it does throughout the story, I'll find out. Your dialogue is very entertaining. I hope Jed makes it as a reporter. High stars for what promises to be an excellent thriller.
All the best on authonomy
Maretha/African Adventures of Flame, Family, Furry and Feathered Friends

So glad to have read this, it reminds me of a favorite film; 'Dead men don't wear plaid' and loved the comic turn though out chapter one, that had almost imediately, once started, the drull yet rye humourous voice of Steve Martin ringing in my mind. Thank you for that and I'm sure you can find your demographic on here to help you along. Keep up the editing and I hope this will do very well. Oh! and get a cover up loaded asap - making sure that books name is nice and big to see clearly.

Adam De-Thurstman
IS ISRAEL REAL ?

Thanks, junetee. I had so many different style options to choose from I went for the more basic. Good eyes.

Thanks for the praise, Will. I miss the writing group so much.

Pithy and driving. Full of one-liners like "didn't keep her around for her wit," "hatred of religion and coffee...never took the time to figure out which," and "low-jack for pets." I hope that you continue to flourish as a writer, student and professor. You are an inspiration and a welcome reminder to why writing and reading are worthwhile endeavors.
-Will

Devils in Disguise.

A nice start to an excellent crime thriller.
Its well written with a fast pace. Nice easy reading short chapters of crime and suspense.
A great storyline. Wish I could have read much more.
A few minor issues with capital letters. p.r - P.R i.d - I.D etc. Also later on Bishops, Cardinals, Pastors. I believe they should all be capitals - could be wrong. However you have written all of them both ways. Best to find out which is correct.
Hope these corrections have been of some help, take them or leave them - I am no expert.
Overall this is a fast paced crime thriller full of suspense. Highly starred.
junetee
FOUR CORNERS.book one.The Rock Star