Back to You?

Hi, just added this to my bookshelf after reading the first chapter, and I'll do a critique of it for the Romance Critique Group. First chapter is good, though a couple of errors (easily corrected; such as "the car winded its way along" - should that be wound its way? - and "I went blondly into the interview....": I suspect you meant "blindly", though I could be wrong!). I love the description of Jean-Claude.

Will read the rest of the book before doing the full review.

Regards, Vicki (My Unintended)

Dear Odette, I just want to thank you for your lovely comments about my book, 'The Severed Cord'. Somehow I missed your comment or it may be that I confused the names, in any case I'm sorry not to have replied before now. I will read yours soon and get back to you with comments and stars!
Kind Regards, Pamela Crabtree.

Sorry it has taken me so long to get back to you.
So far I have only read the first 3 chapters, but this is a good piece. It evokes feelings of loneliness, and unhappiness with middle aged life quite well. I like how the MC has a under current of misery to the, despite how hard they try to mask it. The relationship with the son, and also the dog, were highlights for me.
There are a few things i noted, but all of them have already been brought up in other comments. They are only minor things and are readily solved.
Well done and good luck.
Andrew

I have put your book, Back to You, on my watchlist and will read it as soon as I can. Janet

Hello Katherine!

I read the first and second chapters and I have to say that your descriptions were lovely. I also enjoyed the dialog. I thought it complimented/supported the character's personalities well. The only suggestion I have is reuploading chapter 2 because the italics is hard on the eyes to read for that long.

Good Job!
P.C. Lipscomb

Hi Katherine,

I would recommend you spend more time on your blurbs. These need to be witty and fun. What you have up there seems too mechanical and disjointed for my tastes. A great site for learning more about his is agentquery.com. Lots of great examples and people.

Best of luck!
Scott

Dear Katherine,
I read parts of your books, they're both good but not my cup of tea. Or should I say Greek coffee.

Hi Kate,
Thank you for your comments on Chapter 1-Ten Deep Footprints. I will be uploading the new version of the first two chapters today and I look forward to your comments on Chapter 2, as well.
I read the first four chapters of your book and I have to say that I loved the way you describe human feelings. It's so real. I understand that you are also good at observing people and their reactions to the daily happenings around them. This is my kind of book and genre! I'll definitely stay in touch.
Talk soon,
LCF QUARTET, Lucette Cohen Fins
TEN DEEP FOOTPRINTS

I really like what you have here, the characters are well developed and they're really easy to become attached to.
You actually care what happens in their lives and want to know how the story will further develop.
I found this story to be very inspiring, like it's telling you not to give up on love.
To be completely honest I spent my whole time reading it thinking that it reminds me of "Life After You" by: Daughtry, a song that I personally find quite inspiring.
I found your descriptions to be quite vivid and well done as well.
You are definitely a talented writer.
Kudos

High stars.

- Bree

Hey Kate, I began to read your book and I hope to finish it. I like it so far. This book could be classified as an inspirational romance novel which is what my book is as wel.

HI Maria,

thank you very much for looking. i shall look at your comments tomorrow. i havent actually re editid this one yet. but fully intend to once off the rails has been finished. I will add your book to my watchlist and have a good read of it over the weekend. happy to make comments

Kate

off the rails and back to you. Do look at the other book. its really very different.

Back to You?
by Katherine Loverage
Dear kate,
I read chapter one of your book, and i think you have a good story with well defined characters. I have a few comments about the long pitch and that chapter, but please understand this is only my opinion and i am not a professional editor, just a fellow writer who loves to read.

"Maddy is a forty something single woman, for her first love might have been forgotten but not buried altogether."
I didn't understand how being forty something, had to do with her forgotten but not buried first love.

"In her job as a Marriage Magistrar she sees a ghost, her first love Stefan and Dutch man who she hasn't seen since she was 18."
A comma is needed before and after, Stefan, and i presume you mean he is "a" Dutch man. Also, remember to spell out all numbers from 1-99.
In chapter one:
"I am a real hat women "woman".
"She looked at me with despair and a huge smile on her face." Two opposite emotions that need to be clarified.
I look forward to reading Off the Rails as soon as i have more time.
If you care to, perhaps you can take a look at my book and let me know how i can improve it.
Cheers, and happy writing. :)
Maria x
The Path to Survival

Really enjoyed ch 4. So intimate, flowing with such hopeful youthful dreams of lasting romance. It brought me my own share of memories. Your writing continues to be as beautiful and descriptive as in the previous chapters.
Donna
No Kiss Goodbye

Thank you very much Paula,

I hope you do enjoy the rest. I enjoyed writing it as it shows the other side of life. it needs rather a lot of editing i fear!

Kate

Well Kate, I am stunned. This is so different to Off the Rails but none the less as gripping. Only a few chapters down but I promise I'll be back tomorrow. Paula

A delightful story so far, I really enjoyed your descriptions of the weddings. Maddy is a well drawn character who is instantly familiar and likeable. Your attention to detail brings the book to life. A constellation of stars awarded and your book has been added to my watch list. Yours Bea

Thank you Colin,

i appreciate anything.... i will certainly re look at chapter one.

I am Editing my other book with a afellow writer from here at the moment OFF THE RAILS if you fancy giving that a go.. i would appreciate your comments as the more you read into it the more the story twists.

I will Re edit BACK to YOU shortly.

Thanks Kate

Good start to this novel, which catches well the distraction of the Registrar.

Excellent attention to the details of the marriages featured, particularly the clothes and social attitudes of the guests. This theme will appeal to many readers. The writing is clear and engaging.

I felt that ch. 1, however, did not provide sufficient clues as to the direction the novel is to take. I felt it needed something else at the end of the ch. to get the reader to continue reading. The narrator, on the surface, appears well-balanced and happy. I would suggest that the author just disturbs this impression a little to provide the necessary page-turning hook to the reader, which I didn't feel is there at present.

Some minor typos noted in ch. 1:
'Great these too [two] are so photogenic...'
'I' is shown in lower case: i on a couple of occasions;
commas missing in places, e.g. after 'silence'.
No apostrophe in photos (as it is used in the plural here).

I liked the opening paragraph. She's lost in thought. Disconnected from reality. You immediately start character building and connecting us to Maddy. Based on the three chapters I've read, this is a character driven story. I like your descriptions, i.e., "wet with glossy shine rather like melted chocolate." Good dialogue. You create a sense of mystery about her from the fact that she's preoccupied with the married couple. The writing flows nicely. The plot sounds intriguing. My best wishes!
Donna
No Kiss Good-bye

This book strikes a chord as I married my first love. :) Nice, gentle narrative.

Hi thank you very much I will go and look at the lines you say .....

I shall have a look at your book over the next few days if i can.. Kate

Back to you...... Off the rails

Hello,

Here is my RCG review :)

1) Pitch.

The pitch was nice. Had a couple of mistakes in.

2) Plot.

A nice plot. recalling first love, and how it can be rekindled given the chance. I also like the idea of throwing the long distance relationship into the mix.

3) Pacing.

The pace was fine, everything flowed smoothly and easy to follow.

4) Voice/Style.

I found the style very chatty, and like that it was from Maddy's point of view. It really allowed you to get into the story, and what type of woman she is.

5) Characterization.

I really liked the attention to detail, how Maddy described things. It was lovely.
I think you get a very good idea of the characters and they all seem very likable, and that you want to read more about them.

Overall, I liked the start of the story, and will continue to read on :)
The on thing, I would point out, is your layout, there are a few sentences that are on two lines instead of one. I don't know if this is to do with your file, that you've uploaded or something.

Great story!

Hello,

Here is my RCG review :)

1) Pitch.

The pitch was nice. Had a couple of mistakes in.

2) Plot.

A nice plot. recalling first love, and how it can be rekindled given the chance. I also like the idea of throwing the long distance relationship into the mix.

3) Pacing.

The pace was fine, everything flowed smoothly and easy to follow.

4) Voice/Style.

I found the style very chatty, and like that it was from Maddy's point of view. It really allowed you to get into the story, and what type of woman she is.

5) Characterization.

I really liked the attention to detail, how Maddy described things. It was lovely.
I think you get a very good idea of the characters and they all seem very likable, and that you want to read more about them.

Overall, I liked the start of the story, and will continue to read on :)
The on thing, I would point out, is your layout, there are a few sentences that are on two lines instead of one. I don't know if this is to do with your file, that you've uploaded or something.

Great story!

Hi Kate please, and i will up load the next chapters as i am online tonight. Kate

Katherine: I think that you have nailed down feelings very well. We never forget our first love, but, unlike Maddy, usually outgrow it at some point. Here, stefan hasn't seemed to outgrow his either. What happens next?jack hudson

Katherune: I think that you have nailed down feelings very well. We never forget our first love, but usually outgrow it at some point. Here, stefan hasn't seemed to outgrow his either. W#hat happens next?jack hudson

Katherune: I think that you have nailed down feelings very well. We never forget our first love, but usually outgrow it at some point. Here, stefan hasn't seemed to outgrow his either. W#hat happens next?jack hudson

RCG Review
I like the premise for your story but to get any useful feedback you need to tighten up your writing and go through with a fine tooth comb to rid your work of the frequent spelling and grammar errors. I appreciate that you probably want feedback on the plot and pace, etc, but when the reading exprience is slowed by errors it makes it hard to see the story.
I would have liked more dialogue to avoid 'telling' the story rather than 'showing.'
Why did we switch into italics a short way in?
I wonder at your description of the one sided conversation with the parent, only then to summarise the content. Why not just have the conversation?
I read through to the end of ch3 and did feel that the story didn't really hook me in until almost the end of that section. Could you re-jig to have a better hook?
I really like the fact that the lead is old (being in my 40's myself) and your basic plot definitely has potential. Best of luck.
Lesley

inspirational romance. potential here, but the story needs tightening, it is verbose. i think this is a story a lot of women will identify with, especially in the mid-age bracket....
j
what every woman should know

I will put it on my self and read. i am away this weekend will do my best to read the first chapter Kate

I've heard from an editor that you mustn't begin with I too often. But for the rest of the chapter it seems okay. Will give some stars. Hope you'll read mine.

I've heard from an editor that you mustn't begin with I too often. But for the rest of the chapter it seems okay. Will give some stars. Hope you'll read mine.

Hi Thank you very much for the help. THis is my first attempt, i havent had any feed back which has been useful and to the point. i will go back and tighten it as you suggested, the rest i shall put up in the next day or two.
Kate

RCG Review

Title - it's short and to the point. It tells me Maddy does go back to Stefan (as does the end of the LP) but that leaves no mystery, no unanswered questions to draw me in. A question mark at the end of the title and using the pitch to ask me whether she goes back to Stefan would be stronger hooks for me. There are some errors in the LP - like 'She is as a marriage registrar' - think that should be something like, 'In her work, as a marriage registrar, Maddy sees a ghost...'

There were opportunities where you could use more dialogue to break the narrative and therefore show the reader what is happening rather than telling. For example, when the photographer tells Maddy that he'll take shots as they walk down the aisle, we could have her reply rather than been told she's using her teachers voice to make everyone take their seats.

You start off with a normal font but then switch to italics, which continue until almost the end of chapter four - not sure why.

Some tightening up is needed, within the punctuation and sentence construction. For example, in chapter two, 'Magic the mess in the kitchen was mine and mine alone...No note on the side, so conclusions was all that could be guess.' This sounds a bit clunky and is harder to read. There are also some typos (which we all suffer with and some repetition - for example, in the first paragraph, repetition of realised).

Maddy's working relationship with Ruth, and friendships with both Ruth and Gem work well. Her closeness to Ruth and the easy-going nature of their relationship comes across well.

I'm not certain of her relationship with Dylan - are they distant - he doesn't leave her notes, she doesn't know where he will be? Or, is he just supposed to be the typical teenager racing about in his own world. How does she get on with Dylan's father?

Having read the five chapters currently uploaded, I felt chapters one and two, provide an insight into Maddy's life and backdrop to what point she is in, but I felt the story really began in chapter three. I'd be very tempted to make it chapter one. Chapter one needs to grab the reader and show them some glimpses into the hooks of the story, using later chapters to wind in backstory. Stefan's arrival back into Maddy's life is the core of this story, according to the pitches, so the current chapter three is where the story really begins.

I like the concept behind the book. I've explored the idea of how your first relationships affect you and what happens if a lost love returns, so the idea behind Maddy and Stefan drew me in. The idea of him returning to Amsterdam and her too afraid to follow at 18 feels plausible so now I'd like to see how their brief love affair has tainted the rest of her life and why he stills means so much to her. There is a hook in that.

I read chapter one. Its neat and crisp and packed with punch lines to keep readers hook.