Book Jacket

 

rank 5919
word count 11053
date submitted 04.07.2012
date updated 11.07.2012
genres: Fiction, Literary Fiction, Popular ...
classification: adult
incomplete

LIAR!

Andy Dufre

When being nice doesn't work out, Jamie Smith tries being a little ruthless, but the more ruthless he becomes,
the more successful he becomes...

 

Jamie Smith is a nice guy. The kind of person that would lend you his last ten pounds. He would do anything to help anyone. But when he inexplicably gets fired from his job. He realises that he is actually a loser, that nice guys come last and spirals into depression. With the aid of a night time epiphany and a strange dream, Jamie realises for the first time in his life that being nice isn't a characteristic which lends itself to success. He decides to become a little selfish, a little bit meaner and a little bit more assertive. Jamie soon learns to be completely ruthless, but he's also more successful than he could have ever hoped. Dying from his injuries in a serious car accident and experiencing the five stages of grief, Jamie looks back on his life, unfolds the events that led to his accident and explains how he ended up lying at the bottom of a ditch in India.

 
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tags

, fiction, india, life, manchester, work

on 3 watchlists

5 comments

 

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JCS87 wrote 605 days ago

Your manuscript is creative, for sure.

But I think you might want to read this out loud to fine tune it.

I'm not attempting to offend your writing in any way, but that's what I do when I'm editing.

Hopefully that's helpful, and when the times presents itself, I'll return to read more.

Good luck with your manuscript.

JCS
Anguished Immortals Trilogy

Colin Neville wrote 656 days ago

Good story, and one that many people, alienated by their work, will relate to.

I read the four chapters loaded and liked the alternating structure of the novel. Chapter 1 connects all the reader's senses to the aftermath of the accident and you made the reader see - and smell - the scene in a graphic and realistic way. This was a powerful opening chapter, although at the end I felt the 'So in conclusion...' opening to the narrator's thoughts was a little too formal, given the circumstances.

Chapters 2 & 4 catch the alienation of many modern, souless workplaces - with the politics, gossips, clash of personalities - and I caught myself nodding in agreement or recognition, particularly about the characterisations. In ch. 4 the shock of the narrator's unfair dismissal is palpable and made very real for us.

Some reservations:

I felt the message on the side of the shampoo bottle, 'I want £250.000 a week...' was a little OTT and I can't see any manufacturer doing this as it would alienate more than it would persuade.

I thought your writing was clear and unpretentious and easy to read, but felt you could sharpen it a little by eliminating as many 'that' words as possible. Most could have been knocked from the text without loss of meaning. You tend to use the expression 'by the fact...' a few times and this sounds rather too formal.
I felt ch. 2 needed a little more dialogue, as it felt a little flat compared to ch. 4.

Overall though, an interesting and engaging story that will stay on my watchlist, and I would certainly be interested to read more when loaded.

Colin Neville

LittleMiggy wrote 657 days ago

Hi Andy, I saw your short pitch and was intrigued by your book. I have read your uploaded chapters and no doubt, as your book is read, there will be a lot of people relating to the personality of your character. Chapter one set the scene well - i found it very believable. The thoughts running through his mind certainly convey his confusion then awful realisation of his situation - very good use of emotion and train of thought. From there your book continues very well - and even though i found chapter 4 to be a dark chapter for your character, the standard of writing doesn't slip - the intense feelings that build here, throughout just gather momentum. Your character is very much at the end of his tether, and momentarily, i thought he would go through with it! I thought the way you were describing him shouting at himself to end his life was very effective, you could almost hear him screaming with his desperation. Good luck with this book. I shall send you some stars and put it on my wl. Regards, Little Miggy.

RMAWriteNow wrote 657 days ago

Hi Andy; I read the first two chapters here and was very impressed, particularly by the first which is the most important one. I found your retelling of Jamie's accident to actually be quite harrowing. You presented the desperation of the accident and the confusion of thoughts going through Jamie's head, very well indeed. It was very surreal and made you wish you could help him. Chapter two was more straightforward. It gave us a nice insight into Jamie's everyday life. I could tell this was written some time ago by the footballer only being on two hundred and fifty thousand a week (Ha! Ha! Only joking.) You have the beginnings of a good book here which is well written and has a very good short pitch. I shall watchlist and hopefully comment again.
Good Luck
RMA
The Snow Lily

SteveSeven wrote 657 days ago

dear Andy,

Congratulations on your book. The opening is stunning with the description of coming to consciousness after the car accident. The reader is automatically pulled into the scene and develops an intimate empathy with the narrator.

The second chapter is equally as stunning - full of hooks and characterizations that are real and fresh. Down to earth and eloquent at the same time.

The overall theme is something that many people can relate to and is one of the saddest aspects of life This alone would make the book a winner even if your writing wasn't as captivating as it is. Well done!

I will read the second half as soon as I can. Well done.

SteveSeven
(The Purpose of Pain)

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