Up The Hill Backwards

Hey Jes,
10 chapters in and I'm compelled to say 'thanks'.
The insight to write of the resulting mind and personality changes that come from ritualized psychological and sexual abuse is not seen much. Like her mother, Maria's personality, thought patterns and entire life had been tailored to suit survival with a psychotic sadist. The fact that she dwells on the things that the court is not interested in is a scream in society's face that these things are as important and life-altering as the physical sexual encounters that the court will pry from her lips and memory.
Who knows how many philanthropists, scientists, creative geniuses, school teachers, loving mothers or fathers, . . . etc. were on their way to blossoming into who they were supposed to be only to be uprooted and crushed beneath the selfish, heartless boots of a self-gratifying pervert.
Kudos.
NMA
Pretty Penny
(Read it or don't . . . yours was most definitely worth it.)

Hi Jesamine
This is the most powerful and captivating 9 chapters I have read on here. Real, raw, powerful and a frightening insight into the life and mind of a young abused girl. The terror, the control, the invasion and abuse of trust are there in a way that I have not seen for a long time. From the tale of the Gingerbread man, to the hallucination after sniffing the stollen pot of YTS glue of the crocodile and the baby, the underlying parallels are great. The effects of disassociation and abuse are documented through survivors stories but few have the power that your descriptions bring. The timing in and out clock the use by Richard of his trigger phrase 'nut rag' and the other children relaxing as it wouldn't be them that time gave me the heaviest of feelings in the pit of my stomach, like watching a car crash in slow motion. The way Tex and the fisherman became dilutants for the abuse and the feeling of control the sexual encounters gave back to the child you.

Excellently written (I got too caught up to look for mistakes) a well deserved six stars and will stay on my Watch List for now. You say that you have been struggling with a title. Why not listen to Ziggy and just call it Scary Monsters Super Creeps. It fits so well in my opinion.
D.J
the Ghost Shirt

Jesamine,

I've read the first three chapters, and it's refreshing to come across a harrowing story that doesn't beg for sympathy like so many on this site do. The narrative is excellent, and as you say, it's written in a cold way with snippets of humour. Adding humour to anything unpleasant is a great way of getting the reader's attention and sympathy. The dream sequence to begin the story sounded very authentic, and certainly something I'd envisage an abused person experiencing. I also liked your 'gingerbread man' analogy. I remember that story as a kid, and how sad I felt after reading it. The part of the third chapter where 'Richard' is hiding behind the door (presumably masturbating) was really chilling, and the mother's complete obliviousness to what her daughter was saying really gave the impression she was on her own.

Everything about the small part I've read sounds completely genuine, and well done for taking a different angle on a difficult subject. I'll keep this on my watchlist, and in the meantime give it a worthy star rating.

Just a couple of points:

Near the end of chapter 3 - "...and she asked me if (I) liked Richard."

A person's age should be hyphenated - i.e. 'six-year-old.'

Best of luck with this, I can see it picking up a lot of support.
Pete

'Nothampton, Lime and Time Alone' by Jesamine James.

This is a startling, harrowing, shocking read. I had a feeling that I would not be able to put this down and how right I was, reading all 9 chapters in a sitting.

It is a must-read, unequivocally.

There is absolutely no doubt in my mind that this is the true story of an abused person. It should be read by anyone and everyone, as an education of the manipulative behaviour of the sexual abuser and the complex web of damage wrought by abusive behaviour. I was both appalled and compelled by the character of the mother, refusing to listen to the merest hint that her beloved Richard could have harmful intentions and siding with him against her own daughter. The palpable fear of the mother of being deserted again; one can almost hear her cry of "don't dare take him away from me", she is willing to destroy her own daughter to keep him.

Anyone who believes that the world is made up of simply abusers, victims and innocents *must* read this. Many people might read of the young man fishing in the park and think he just got lucky in his whirlwind encounter with Maria, his look of disbelief being so vivid. But what of the impact of the experience of casual stranger sex on this ordinary, mild-mannered, hobby fisherman? What impact on his expectations of future teenage girls who happen to wander by? Of all women in his later life? it's a powerful example of the real butterfly effects within our complex society.

This is a book about the ripples of one person's drowning and survival, within a whole ocean of storm.

It seems trite to speak of WL and stars, but this book has six from me and a place on my shelf to follow.

Joshua Roebuck
The Sea People

Just a word on the ethics of telling Maria's story: If this is truly her words, then why not award her authorship, via a pseudonym if necessary? If the story is fictional (or at least the character, because there is no question that the source of this story is first-hand experience) then the LP should make this clear.

One other small issue: the spelling, punctuation and grammar need a good edit. This didn't deter me, because it goes without saying that the m/s would be polished prior to publishing. However, it seems a shame not to sort this sooner rather than later, to neutralise the diluting effect on the quality of feedback that your excellent book receives on this site.

I disagree that this novel is in anyway a "rant". This amazingly insightful story is exactly as it should be in terms of emotion. You portray the consequences of the daily terror of living with child abuse with such clarity it rips at the readers soul, and it should. The ability to tell it how it is concerning the effects of child abuse is rare. You have this ability and I would implore you NOT to tame work down.

There are many moments in this work where I was challenged. Monitoring my inner world for clues to why I felt challenged I was reminded it is easier to "attack" the victim than empathise with her.

I love the details you highlight which, perhaps, would go unnoticed to some. "I even had to go to town to a watch shop with Richard and pick the watch that he insisted that he was going to buy me because that was what I wanted." Is one example of highlighting the absurd re-working of reality by abusers. Another was the details in the garage with the bread bags as well as the bizarre, "I have to ask this question," shop keeper selling the glue.

Another moment which causes anger is the idiotic callousness of the doctor who doesn't even consider the Eye blinking might have a psychosomatic origin! It reminds the reader of how many lost opportunities there are to save a helpless girl if it wasn't for deliberate ignorance.

The Idea to dilute Richard by being "Fucked" was heart wrenching and bludgeoning, yet again highlighting the much ignored aspects of the effects of child abuse.

The Ignorance of the daily life of an abused child in the general milieu is commented on with the statement “I can't understand why the kid never says anything at the time.” and the succeeding paragraph. An insightful comment.

The complicity or Mother, although not fully elaborated, is touched upon from the start when in the bubble car mother seems to blank the truth from existence. Deliberate ignorance?

There is much to be applauded about this work. I Applaud you for writing this work exactly as you did. No glossing over the reality of living with the consequences of child abuse to spare the reader or parents or anyone else! Thank you x

Congratulations! So excited for you!
Todd Farnsworth

HUGE CONGRATULATIONS JES - you were destined to be published!
Geoff Green - Paying for the Past

Really compelling writing, very interesting subject matter, I can't wait to read more.

Jes,
I've read through 12 chapters. I have been a mental health clinician for over twenty years and your story is believable in every facet. People don't like to believe that there are really people as evil as Richard in the world, but unfortunately there are.
You've done a good job of describing how a child oftentimes copes with abuse and "gets lost" in their world of escape. I feel great empathy for your main character and regret that I've not read all your manuscript to find out what happens to her.
The endless mind games - oh my goodness - how many times I've heard people describe such behavior. And that is the biggest damage done, to the mind.
The mother's complicity is played especially well.
A suggestion, unless Marie is developing multiple personalities and you are laying the groundwork to describe that phenomenon, I don't think it is necessary to introduce Marie's "other voice" as if it were another person.
I would describe your writing style as stark, naked and unadorned, which makes it perfect for revealing this horrific story.
Much appreciation to you for taking on the challenge of writing this. Good job!
- David Johnson
(I think you will find it interesting how I depict a life of abuse in my book "Tucker's Way.")

Hi Jesamine

This makes for very uncomfortable reading, I felt a little too much as I read. More exposure to the secretive world of abuse is needed. When a light is shone on abusers they scuttle back towards the dark like cockroaches.

Well done. High stars and backed.

Tammy

Hi Jes,
I'm loving the 14 chapters I've read so far. It's so refreshing to read someone with their own style, instead of the same old literature rules being used.
I have to deal with abused children in my job and you are spot on with everything.
You even had me tearing up at one point.
I hope you get to the No. 1 position in the next couple of days, you deserve it for sharing such an emotionally charged experience. And I hope you publish this so other victims/survivors have a chance to help themselves through their experiences with your cathartic view.
I will be leaving your book on my bookshelf for quite a while.
Well done and all the best for the future, Jason

I saw this posted by the author on a thread in the forum 'If anyone wants to read a 'Misery Lit' book, without any 'misery', or a story about 'child sex abuse' without any scenes or descriptions of 'child sex abuse' THEN READ MY BOOK and wonder how it is possible'.
At first I was a little put off by the subject matter, but I came back to it after an initial read a couple of days later - I wanted to know what happened.
I was fortunate enough to have read right through to the end, or certainly what I perceived the end to be, and I'll tell you how it was possible - Well constructed, skillful writing. Pure and simple. To echo Jesamine's words: Read it, you might learn something.
If this story only prevents/saves/rescues one other child from abuse, it will have been worth the telling. I suspect that when this books finds its way into publication it'll save thousands, and in this sense the book has no ending. As for the author of this brave book? Read her story.
Good luck at the desk.
Max China
The Sister

Wow, great work Ginger! i feel scared just writing the 'ginger' now!! Seriously though Jess, this is a fantastic start, I like to make notes of any errors but was instanly drawn in by the story and spotted very litte wrong.

ch 1

speech ' get ot of my': you WANKER!! might emphasise better, or at least an exclamation mark.
would italics work better for the dream section? just to seperate it from reality...

Great start, very intimate and very real and personal, you've captured the horrors and reality of being a 'victim' beautifully.

ch 2

scary stuff, I can't find any faults, I don't think there are any!

Brilliantly written and no surprise at all that you have so many backers, what a great start to a dark and foreboding tale. It's written so well that you vanish into her world instantly. What a wierd and creepy man we have in 'Richard' too... shudder!
I don't like the way Mum seemed completely unaware or uncaring of any danger but it's happened so many times in reality in just this way.

Great read that I look forward to coming back to,

Good luck, Roy.

This account reads as if you are inside Marie's head. The most frightening is how she is ignored by her mother. From this account it is easy to see how abusers get away with their actions. They are bullies and must be stood up to. I hope Marie gets her day in court and that Richard is imprisoned for life.
The book is unfinished at Chap22 but I hope it gets published in full.Still not sure the tiltle is the best description; I'm struggling with my title too. Jane Law

I'm backing this because it's a very powerful and compelling story, extremely well told, and will touch something in many people's hearts and minds. In the main it's well presented, though would benefit from sensitive editing. A few minor grammatical niggles, early on "children that" which should be "children who".

In Chapter 2 we are told twice in quick succession that Richard was "there all the time", which could be rephrased. I wondered about "hadn't gotten". I'm no expert on Black Country dialect but have always associated gotten with USA and Scotland.

I was getting so gripped by the narrative and by Richard's never-ending mind games I rather forgot to note any more, or where they occurred, but I do remember a strange mixing of tenses: "...part of what paedophiles do. They didn't just.."

Have given high stars and backed this and hope it gets the read it deserves and can be taken forward from there. Lots of luck with it.

Tottie Limejuice
Sell the Pig

It is a very difficult read. It is realistic and punishing. It is disparaging. It is seemingly hopeless and really tests my wherewithal to continue through these four chapters and on to the chapter 12. Without hope people perish. I find myself as a reader feeling the same. What compounds this dilemma is that it is non fiction.

If there was not some glimmer, something cherishable, something sacred, and secret that remained in Marie and got her beyond these chapters, then I have to accept that. But if there was, please reveal it. What was the heart beneath all these scars, and what prevented it from stopping its beat?

I want to be cognizant and respectful of the fragility of this story. I also want to be cognizant and respectful to its tenacity.

About the misspelled words. There were none. It was English, and I thought it was intentional, and in reference to the character flaws of richard.

Teb

'Good now go away." chapter 10

I think your story compels the reader forward because of the narrators drive to get justice and to be avenged. Marie's compassionate make-up is relevant with how she responds to her sister in the drill SGT sequence. More of these demonstrations would make the bond with the reader and writer stronger, and I think would be helpful. In subtle ways.

Teb

Jes.

Well I made it up to chapter 10, and I stopped at this. the static charge he creates has even gone out of the house.
Maybe "even the static charge he creates has gone out of the house."

The metaphoric and horrid are mingled and it is a hard book to read.

The hardening is present and palpable.

As hard as it is to read, I can't imagine writing it.

Your a strong person.

Teb

Jesamine, I've read two chapters so far, and as compelling as it reads I have to stop. It rings too much like my own story of physical, mental, and sexual abuse growing up, and I haven't worked through those problems yet. I've added it to my Watchlist (I'm new here, so I'm still learning the ropes.), so I can come back to it later. Because I read some of it, I feel obligated to tell you my first impressions.

The details of the inner workings of a child's mind are (excuse my language) freakishly accurate, and I have to wonder if you're not telling your own story under a different name as a means of catharsis. If you are, I applaud you for being able to be so raw and vulnerable. If not, you may have a future career in psychological case management or as a guardian ad litem. (Or a writer who can resonate with characters on a deep and intimate level.)

As of now, I wasn't looking for errors. (Usually I read a few chapters to see if I'm interested in the story idea before going back to the beginning to look for edits.) When I'm ready to read it again (assuming it's still posted), I'll provide more constructive criticism and comments.

Cayleigh

These are the last typos as promised.

Chapter 20
Tiny little typo - Paragraph beginning, ‘I stop for breath and realise . . . ‘
‘God,will something . . . ‘ - no space between ‘God,’ and ‘will’ (there’s a wise saying in there somewhere!)
* *
Paragraph beginning, ‘Welcome Jes . . . ‘
Richard the captain is speaking then there’s a “Thank you” Is that Jes speaking? If so it needs to be in a separate para.
* *
Paragraph beginning, ‘I follow her through to the front of the boat . . . ‘
“There are three young men and two other girls at the table their heads down.” - it needs a comma or ‘with’ before their heads down.
* *
Paragraph beginning, ‘Waiting a while to be sure . . . ‘
“I try to image that it would be like . . . “ do you mean to say this, that you are creating an image? Perhaps ‘visualise’ would sound better. Or just change to ‘imagine’
* *
Paragraph beginning, ‘Wandering from door to door . . . ‘ - you use that expression again. “I walk up and down the aisle and try to image my wedding day”

There, all done xx

If you want me to go over the first few chapters too, I’ll start tomorrow

Grace x

Hello Jes,
My final comments on Up The Hill Backwards
One thing I hadn’t mentioned before was about how often you thought about your own death. How familiar that is to me and probably most children who are abused. But you were able to plan how you’d kill your abuser, and that was something I didn’t dare do. I assumed my mind could be read as well as being constantly watched. The danger you were forced to bear is something that most people would find hard to comprehend. On a daily basis, month after month, year after year. No wonder you developed such an acute ability to lie easily - thinking on your feet was an essential survival tactic.

I’m so glad I was able to read your story Jes. I look forward to you posting the rest of it.

x Grace

Hi Jasmine
I have only read your first chapter so far but am in awe of you for having the guts to write your story. It was recommended to me buy one of your supporters, who asked me to back it and I will, for my own reasons. I think there are far too many perverts who get away with their abuse because the children are not believed. It is a touchy subject but one that needs to be told. I applaud you for doing so. It is going straight onto my shelf to see if you can make it by the end of the month, don't worry if it doesn't, it will stay on my shelf until it does.
God bless you.
Brian.

This is powerful and affecting writing, which stayed with me long after I had finished reading. The narrator is so likeable and easy to empathise with, and the way she copes with her day to day life whilst having flashbacks and dreams expertly handled. The childhood sections are particularly effective, really conjouring the horrific ordeal from the child's perspective. I have not finished reading yet, but really want to know if she finds some peace and resolution to he terror which still invades her life. That is the brilliance of the storytelling.I hope you do so well with this book, 6 stars.

Kate, Blood Family

It is not a normal book Jes. I have never read Harper True Life. I understand abuse. I have never experienced it this way personally. I have worked with youth and adolescence in programs and understand cycles. I sat in hallways and kitchens and observed in communal setting the idiosyncrasies and nuances of perpetration and victimization. It is so damn slight; Grooming behavior. I worked in a program for a few months before I was hired full time at another that was focused on Behavior Modification. That was over twenty years ago. I remember about thirty faces and ten names. All the dynamics never leave. I see them all the time now. They are all around us. Grooming, or looking to groom. Taking pictures of kids in Walmart, pretending like they are trying to make a call. "Hey, what you doing there."

My wife is reading this with me now. She works at a school. She works in the Special Ed. Department. Just a few months ago she ran into an issue. We talked about it after reading your story. She talked about it with me. There was a boy, and he was trying to pull a girl into a cardboard box, a big one and he was touching her when my wife intervened seconds later. The little girl didn't know why she listened to the scrum. He was gone three days later, for some other issue.

The girl is gone too, now.

They moved. issues with a mothers boyfriend I guess.

The girl said something.
My wife said something.
The girl said something.
My wife said. wait here.

The police got involved.

Your book is not published, and it is important Jes.

This is important. Your a hero.

Get better. Get strong. And advocate.

Your story did. Tonight it did; with my wife and I.

We hear you.


This story is bigger than you. Thank you for being strong enough to tell it. I honor you.

I see through most, and I honor few.

Teb.

chapter 3-6

I liked the imagery in the bike sequence. Marie alludes to the abuse sequence. I'm sorry. I liked how you used Richards evasive presence with time. I like the way you expose the mental tactics; turning family members against you. You report and demonstrate the distress and dwindle of social and interpersonal and nonverbal carnage that, must be exhumed. I like the hope and guts and grit of the character. It gives me hope as a reader, that this Richard guy....long for dick. (names are important) is going to meet his match. I hope you find a voice, that is healed, mature, and forgiven; a voice that is forgiving and strong. A voice that heals others and covers others. I hope I hear it in chapter 24-29 or further down. I need that. I want to see something purple and majestic come from this. Not this essence of something taken from you, and never regained. It is going to happen. If this is real life, I have seen it time and time again. Where richard doesn't win. Last chapter ends in victory. I am not sure, but if it doesn't, It will end in victory. Every richard ends in destruction and Bitter ends in sweet. (Marie means bitter.) Names are important Jes.

Chapter three. Each chapter seems to carry different facets of the horrible whole. I don't know what to expect. Its good. The voice is consistent. Centered on one age, as if frozen in process. I hope it grows.

Oh Jes, I finished reading your book. I just sat there stunned, heart broken that you were going back to that house, horrified that nobody missed you, eager to know how you finally escaped. That was some ride.

Your pitch says it’s incomplete. Have you written the end? I want to know how you got from returning ‘home’ to the opening chapter, when Richard was arrested. That’s the mark of a good book, that it stays with you, that it stirs up thoughts and feelings and becomes part of your life.

Harper Collins are bound to snap it up Jes. Your writing has pace and honesty, drawing the reader in to experience everything as you did. Perhaps that’s me because I was abused and desperate to escape. That’s why ‘Up The Hill Backwards’ needs to be out there, in the shops, helping others to reach their inner feelings, the deeper ones that they haven’t been able to express.

Thank you for sharing your story Jes,
With love,
Grace ♡

Hiya Jes, some more from Grace x

Chapter 17
On your way to escape hell, paranoia kicks in. Oh boy do I know how that is. You describe it so well, live and raw. Your legs like jelly that will not work, poor thing.
Then . . . “Walking out of the arcade I catch the chill of the air around my legs, but the sun is shining and I am free.” Made me cry.
* * 

Chapter 18
The comical scene with the Scottish soldiers made me chuckle. Some light relief, so natural, and a surprise after the tension of making it to Birmingham.
I’m amazed at your integrity Jes. When fighting for your life and very survival, you have such self respect.
* *
Tiny little typo . . .
Chapter 17
Paragraph beginning, ‘How many times I think this before . . . ‘
“I am away, at last .” - there’s a space before the full stop

x Grace

Jes
You have written an amazing book.
Your writing style is clear and fluid. You paint a very clear picture of your characters.
I could trawl for typos and punctuation but from the two chapters I read I wasn't tripped up by anything. It flows really well.
I know it's important to you to get up that chart and you are very close. I really hope someone at HC sits up and takes notice of you.
If they don't there are other places you can go to get someone to listen. Will message you separately.
Gave you 6 stars. It's got a spot on my bookshelf.
Good job. good luck.

Suddenly it’s chapter 16 and I haven’t written any notes. The scenes go racing by and that Richard returns, creates more terror and hatred, chaos and confusion, and mystery around the paperboy. What is Richard planning?

Up comes a typo in chapter 17
Paragraph beginning, ‘I can’t believe what I’m hearing . . .’
“Someone is trying to do me a favour and at the very worst time moment they could pick.”
Delete ‘time’

Jes, this is beautifully written x
♡ Grace

Some linguistic issues, which gives some adult tells in Marie's voice. Richard carries the title of father, which, to me denotes honor. Would dad fit better? his dad. versus his father. in reference to Earl and the throwing of poo.

more tommrow.

Teb

I tried to start chapter three. I keep coming back to chapter two. It is ground zero for me. This is important. This is an important book. It tests steel, that chapter chapter one deflects and deters. I don't read well, but I feel perfectly, sometimes. I am afraid of chapter three, but am angry enough,as a man, to rush into that house, ablaze with fire. That's what you want as a writer: Revolution.

I gagged.

To be honest, I gagged in chapter two. And now i run. If it kills me. I run into chapter three.

I see your typos. Most of them are pefictly placed.
Teb

It is a very important chapter. I grieve.

OK so here we go . . . . .

Typos
Chapter 13
Paragraph beginning, ‘Not knowing how to respond . . ‘
“I pick up my bag out and leave” - delete the ‘out’

* *
Paragraph beginning, ‘Arriving at the home . . . ‘
“I knock the door” - add ‘on’ = “I knock ’on’ the door"

* *
Chapter 14
Paragraph beginning, ‘He stops poking me, . . .
“I image that I’m not there” - do you mean ‘imagine’?

That's all for now but I'll make a note of any more xxxx Grace

This story is breaking my heart, I had to read what happened in the end after 4 chapters. Really, really feel for you. I just wanted to say that. I've put your book on my bookshelf for later.

Annie

I have no criticism to offer.

Your narrative technique of focusing on the details of Marie's psychological abuse at the hands of her stepfather, her rage and resentment, and her self-destructive coping mechanisms, rather than on the details of her sexual exploitation makes her a compelling and sympathetic protagonist. Technically speaking, I spotted no typos, or obvious grammatical errors. The pace and flow are both excellent, and both contribute to keeping the reader involved in the story.

Kudos. Your book deserves to make the editors desk. I'm giving it six stars and a place on my bookshelf.

Regards,

Thom Stark

I have no criticism to offer.

Your narrative technique of focusing on the details of Marie's psychological abuse at the hands of her stepfather, her rage and resentment, and her self-destructive coping mechanisms, rather than on the details of her sexual exploitation makes her a compelling and sympathetic protagonist. Technically speaking, I spotted no typos, or obvious grammatical errors. The pace and flow are both excellent, and both contribute to keeping the reader involved in the story.

Kudos. Your book deserves to make the editors desk. I'm giving it six stars and a place on my bookshelf.

Regards,

Thom Stark

Harrowing.

Your storytelling technique of concealing the details of Marie's sexual abuse, and focusing on her stepfather's campaign of psychological abuse, instead is tremendously effective in conveying the depth of her rage and resentment. It also makes her extremely sympathetic, precisely because she refuses to wallow in self-pity, or to ask for pity from the reader.

I spotted no typos, grammatical errors, or awkward phraseology. The narrative flow is excellent, each transiiton feels natural, each segment well-paced. I think your book deserves to make the editors desk, and I'm backing it, and awarding it six stars.

Holy smokes... This is good. Fantastically fleshed-out characters, crisp dialog, and at times deeply disturbing, personal, intimate. This is the kind of book I could get lost in.

I suppose the only constructive criticism I could give is that the mounting tension in the very beginning seems a bit uneven. It feels as though perhaps there ought to be some narrative gradient between "I can't look at him" and "I don't want to go home." Perhaps that's just a matter of taste, though.

Really, I couldn't have been more engrossed in the chapters I'd read, so any room for correction is marginal. Well done.

Chapter 12
“There is something really satisfying about cleaning and washing up. I love pulling the plug out afterwards and watching the filth and shit get sucked away down the plughole.” You see, anger gave you energy. Mine got sucked away down the plughole with all the shit.

Setting clocks and watches at the wrong time . . . a protest against time, clocks, and that Richard. I STILL DO THAT! Mine must be a protest against time, clocks, and my dad. He was always so bloody early - enough for me to be shaking in my little shoes.
Diluting Richard’s acts - that is so real and raw. And I feel how it worked effectively. I wondered too about that Chinese girl. Was abuse the underlying reason behind her challenge? She achieved notoriety for it. I remember the news item. I wonder if she knew herself.
You probably have given the answers to the points I make, later in you book. I will come to them eventually.
Feeling more love for you as I read,
Grace

Chapter 12
“There is something really satisfying about cleaning and washing up. I love pulling the plug out afterwards and watching the filth and shit get sucked away down the plughole.” You see, anger gave you energy. Mine got sucked away down the plughole with all the shit.

Setting clocks and watches at the wrong time . . . a protest against time, clocks, and that Richard. I STILL DO THAT! Mine must be a protest against time, clocks, and my dad. He was always so bloody early - enough for me to be shaking in my little shoes.
Diluting Richard’s acts - that is so real and raw. And I feel how it worked effectively. I wondered too about that Chinese girl. Was abuse the underlying reason behind her challenge? She achieved notoriety for it. I remember the news item. I wonder if she knew herself.
You probably have given the answers to the points I make, later in you book. I will come to them eventually.
Feeling more love for you as I read,
Grace

My dear Jes, I finished reading all you have on-site, but obviously there is more to your story than what is posted.

No one should have to go through what you were forced to endure. My heart truly goes out to you. I hope you have found peace and know you were the innocent victim of a horrible person. That is no reflection on you. All of your own actions (and anger) were defense mechanisms enabling you to survive. Children are resilient. Thank goodness for that!

The decision to leave out details of your abuse was very wise. It makes your story more relatable, as other victims of abuse can “read between the lines” with details of their own experience. It is not exactly what happened that matters; it is the impact it had on a life that matters. Each life is precious, and it is unfortunate there are those who are so twisted they will put their perverse needs above those of an innocent child.

It is difficult for me to critique spelling and grammar, since I would do so from an American viewpoint. So when I see something spelled differently, like “kerb” for “curb,” I realize that is probably just how it is spelled, “across the pond.” But I did find this: In Chapter 21, the fourth paragraph from the bottom, it reads, “Killing myself is a worthy option, but the words ‘committing suicide’ make we want to fight back.” Did you intend to say, “…make me want to fight back.”?
Well-written and compelling.
Hugs,
Stella

Leaving content aside, look at the style of your writing. You consistently place a quote followed by an explanation. Try switching the order up a bit. This will allow you to identify the speaker and vary your writing. i.e: Colin climbed into the car. "Did you enjoy the show?" She lit a cigarette and turned to him. "yeah, I..."
Also- you often over-explain your protagonist's motivation, summing up what you've already alluded to.i. e; 'I am a chameleon - The two lions engage in a vicious fight.' If the descriptions are adequate, you can trust your reader to reach their own conclusions.
Best of luck.

Chapters 10 - 11
So much in these two chapters, I thought I’d do an update.
Jes, that numbness that you had when you burnt your leg by the fire. It may seem a strange thing to do - but I identify with it.
And your planned revenge, such simple targets; to paint the grandfather clock pink, to deface the sundial at the bottom of your street. Touching and raw.
You stare at the ceiling, scanning for familiar shapes. I know several ceilings. I can bring them to mind in a flash and see the shapes that I saw as a child waiting for abuse to stop. I’ve never read that before. You brought it back to me.
The neighbours’ party you watched from your window, you had no idea how to behave with others in a social setting - the window that Richard fastened with screws. My heart aches with all this.

In chapter 11 you find you could cycle far away, into freedom, a thrilling feeling. But you don’t. Because your family would suffer. And you fear he will hunt you down, punish you, kill you. Many readers would wonder why you didn’t just keep on going and never look back. I understand how fear traps us, how sick perpetrators manipulate our minds and emotions. So we return, again and again. You feel he is watching you. I didn’t realise how common it was to feel that way until I shared it with my therapist.
Re-ordering the paper round, uncertain whether the shopkeeper might sack you. You had no idea what was wrong or right. Oh Jes, I’m right there with you, right back as a child myself. Cruel cruel people messing us up. I still don’t know if I am safe with people, whether they will turn on me for something I don’t understand. That’s partly why I set up the forum group. It may help me, it may help someone else, who knows. It's practice, that's all.
Reading on,
With love from Grace

As promised I said I will make further comments while you were close to the final countdown.

I´ve taken another look at your layout and I think it looks pretty much ready for publishing. The chapter headings are eye catching and the layout looks clear and inviting.

The whole purpose of having that all important chapter title is to get people to turn the page. As I mentioned in my previous comment ´ Up The Hill Backwards´ moves at a fast pace and that is what publishers are looking for plus of course a compelling story of which you have both.

What I think will definitely count in your favor Jess is your ability to get the story going right from page one. When I read your manuscript I kept clicking onto the next chapter and in the end I had read everything you had uploaded at the time.

I think you have done yourself proud. Not long to go now. So good luck.

Hi, Jes.
Up the Hill Backwards has got me tightly wrapped around it's pages and although i have to quit for today, i must come back and read the other fifteen chapters. It'll give me satisfaction to read about Richard's day in court and I would have loved to have beenn there to cheer you on and dry your tears.
It's admirable that while telling such a horrific story, you managed to instill some humor(although bitter) into the writing.
Some of your phrases are brilliant, and here is one we can all identify with.
"I think i'm going to puke up all the blackness that has been festering inside of me for years."
Good luck with this, Jes. You have all six stars and a spot on my shelf.
Adria x

Hi Jesamine,

Have just gone through the firts five chapters of your book and i really enjoyed it. You depicts the world of bullying and abuse in such a way that'll make the reader show strong empathy for the character. Thanks for sharing, ill come back for more as time permit.

Tim Templer

The Journey

Chapters 5 - 9
I am nowhere, but everywhere and utterly bewildered.
This I identify with - so well.
Jes, at first I was fascinated by your anger and hatred. I suppressed all mine. As the story unfolds and that monster of a stepfather tortures you and your siblings, my own rage begins to surface.

You go to Tex’s flat and clean it for him. You feel that you need to be useful, so that he’ll put up with you. Pleasing others is safer than being ourselves.

Then diluting Richard - your body not being yours anymore. Such a terrible thing to have to do. You describe it so well. As abused children our essence was stolen. No wonder we hated ourselves.

That Richard monster. I wanted to kill him too, gouge out his eyes and stuff Brussell-fucking-sprouts in the sockets.

Jes, your story is horrific. You say it as it happened. I would like to share some aspects of it on the forum. Would you be okay with that?

Reading on . . .
Love to you from Grace

Well, what can I say Jess that hasn't been said before - a very moving, powerful, yet inspiring lifestory. I read all 22 chapters (is there any more?) and at no point felt as if I wanted to finish early. The attention to detail is exemplary, even when you escaped from your house of hell and fled to pastures new and the creepy evangelists! (I think I might have befriended that lot on Facebook!).
There are around 5 or 6 errors in the book that I found. Please accept my apologies for not keeping a note of them as I was too entranced with your book. I do remember however, that you used the word 'image' several times. I would have used 'imagine' but I suppose it's a personal choice. If you go over the book once more you will easily spot them or if you can wait for now I will do it for you.
I know you wanted some constructive criticism but it's really difficult to fault what you have written, after all if a book holds your attention throughout then it has done it's job, regardless of the content.
However,If you are determined to make the book 'better' then obviously further use of similes or metaphors would enhance it, particularly in regards to your emotional state during the abuse. I do know that nobody could ever truly feel the personal pain and anguish that you endured but I do feel that you could have perhaps described your feelings in a more intense way. For example, in Viktor Frankl's moving biography of his time spent in a Nazi concentration camp he describes how he was awoken one morning by a man who was enduring the worst nightmare imaginable. Viktor added that just as he instinctively reached out to wake the gentleman from his terror, he suddenly decided not to wake the man up, believing that no matter how bad this nightmare may seem that he would invariably be waking this man to an even worse nightmare!
I can never imagine what Viktor or yourself went through but powerful words will always have a traumatic effect on anyone's understanding. As a therapist, I have listened to many of my clients speak of the horrors of child abuse. They all stated that the fear of the unknown was the worst part of the abuse - not knowing what was coming next. I felt that when you returned home after Richard had finished his course that you might have been at your lowest, but it didn't come over to me in as much as I expected. This is where I would have used all my writing skills, metaphors, similes, everything - I felt the book had built up to this crescendo where you couldn't take anymore, but somehow the emotions of the moment didn't quite come over to me as much as I thought it would. But, as I say, it's difficult for me to be critical as this is real life - and not something we can simply play on words.
A couple more points before I summarise:
1) The cover to me is not good enough - please change it as soon as possible, trust me. The title is great but it needs a photographic image. Don't wait for a publisher to change it - take DB's advice.
2) Ask around, if you haven't already done so, if the use of David Bowie's name would be a problem. Many American publishers will insist that you have permission from any living person named in a non-fiction book. Easily changed if need be, but using his name worked well for me.

I've given you top marks, backed the book and hope you get the review and critical acclaim that you deserve. I'm sure that this book will be published. It's as good, if not better written, than many of the published books previously wriiten by victims of abuse. The market for this type of book is also huge - women's magazines, daytime television shows etc would fall over themselves to feature your story. It all depends on whether you want to take it to that stage. Whatever you decide, I wish you the very best. I also hope that you are in a good place right now, that you have found some sort of method for controling your emotions after your ordeal. If you would like to chat about it then visit my website and send me a message. www.spiritcounsellor.com

Stay safe and be proud of Marie,
David (New Mediumship).

Oh Jes, I'm reading your book again . . . chapter 4 and I'm right there with you. I guess I'm in a better place this time - not so muddled and can take it in. Your flashbacks, so real, unfolding in the writing as they unfold in you.
Beautiful writing of a harrowing time.
More comments to come ♡
With Love,
Grace

Ha!
I'm quite pleased something about Shared Skies stayed to make you think of it!!! Any how at some stage in chapter three, (I think) before she leaves , her dad gives her a mobile and has bought one for himself too!!
J.

Hey Jes,
10 chapters in and I'm compelled to say 'thanks'.
The insight to write of the resulting mind and personality changes that come from ritualized psychological and sexual abuse is not seen much. Like her mother, Maria's personality, thought patterns and entire life had been tailored to suit survival with a psychotic sadist. The fact that she dwells on the things that the court is not interested in is a scream in society's face that these things are as important and life-altering as the physical sexual encounters that the court will pry from her lips and memory.
Who knows how many philanthropists, scientists, creative geniuses, school teachers, loving mothers or fathers, . . . etc. were on their way to blossoming into who they were supposed to be only to be uprooted and crushed beneath the selfish, heartless boots of a self-gratifying pervert.
Kudos.
NMA
Pretty Penny
(Read it or don't . . . yours was most definitely worth it.)

Hey Jes,
Followed you from your friends request and have read your book. Would I pick it up and buy it in a shop? I don't know, as I think I was holding my breath most of the way through it! It is certainly compelling, as to stop reading would have felt like abandoning the child.

I can't help with grammar or punctuation, I'm useless but I can comment on points that I noted as I read and hope they may be of some help. This is one of the few books I've read through to the end in one go. On this site, that's an achievement!


Chapter 1: I wanted " I have never seen a live comedian..." to read "I'd never seen a live comedian.." Because at the time of speaking, of course she had! It doesn't matter with"I have never laughed so much" because that's a well used phrase. It could just be me nit -picking, but it jumped out at me straight away.

The dream sequence, I feel is a bit long for an opening chapter. The reader knows it's a dream and isn't really invested enough in the character to do much in depth wondering about its significance.

Chap 2: I truly wondered if a seven year old would give up so finally on her mother after only being ignored once. In my experience children want to forgive and excuse their parents until it's no longer possible. It made me wonder was there more to it than this? Was it possible the mother had been an un-fit mother for much longer and this was the last straw?

Chap 3: 2 I keep waiting for some physical description of Richard. Just something a child would fix on, bushy eyebrows, starey eyes or even a smell.

Chap 4:"That hall clock.....us" I thought the part in brackets was unnecessary.

"Every time I hear that name" I'd lose what's in brackets here too : )
Great ending to five, unexpected.
Chap 6: Realizing too late, perhaps rather 'abruptly realizing'

Chap 7:
I wasn't sure who went to the movies and it kind of matters to the mood of the chapter whether Richard took her off on his own or the mother went .

Chap 8: The introduction of the voice is a brilliant coping mechanism for the girl and also a great narrative device for giving info. I would have liked to have seen some development of it. How it started , how she regarded it etc.

I was wondering if she felt any protective urge towards her sister , she tried to answer the questions , I know but physically? Try to say any thing? Especially as they share the same bed.

Chap 9 I could live with that might read stronger than , I can live with it.

Chap 10: The lists are good but maybe could be cut a bit.

I felt like cheering for her at the end of 17
I'm stopping here, there's not much more really but I'm a slow typer!
If these thoughts are any use to you I'll gladly go through the rest.

Jesamine, you clearly don't need my backing as you're a shoo in for the ed's desk and I'll try pushing others up the ladder. I'll watch list and full star you , which is good too. If hiwever, there's a point where you think one more bookshelf will make a difference, let me know and I'll put you on in a heart beat.
Cheers,
Josephine.
I