Liminal Lights

Oh I love the idea of the Limninalsand your whole world. Veyr magical as is suggested in the name. High stars and best wishes.

MR

I enjoyed reading chapter one and let myself be carried away by the flow. There is a certain amont of 'something' that grabs our attention to make us read on. That's good. But as a development editor I also felt you needed to tighten up on some long sentences to make the writing more directed. When everything is is place, plot, characters, plot threads,setting, etc that when to look for other things to make the writing stronger.Se when name are introduced, how back story might be handled better, and whether the shape of the chapter one ticks many of the boxes.. Imagine a hard- boiled editor reading your work. Then that thought will be enough to make you think. Keep writing and well done.
Cleveland
House of the Skull Drum

Hey Jen, chapters one to four read and reviewed, lovely stuff, will be back... hope this helps - :DJ

Chapter One:
Lovely opening. Clearly drawn with beautiful imagery. Love the line “scattered shavings”
The opening section felt like a prologue to me, is that the case just for here or is it just me, no biggy, I just thought it felt like a nice prologue.
The council in the willow is evocative with a touch of mystery and even danger.
“I have three exceptional youth(s) I’ve been following.” – missing the S here
Great setup with the supernatural/human edge and the Liminals – but are they all as passive as our MC?

Chapter Two:
Harvesting sounds sinister… is it I wonder? Quite spooky towards the end with the boy and his senses and the girl not quite breaking out. Really good page turner here so well done… on we go… There is a real sense of the intricate links and differences between the two worlds now.
Brighter hue that makes them transparent… interesting.
Drops from the sky is nice, gives the feel they are fluttering along.
Nibbles at top lip – I imagine the bottom lip better here… do you have a top nibbler at home?
I like the bit that we don’t spend much time with children – so true, and here you are writing and reviewing others!
“…as far as I’m concerned she’s caught up (in) Liminal folklore…” – I think the IN is missing here

Chapter Three:
I’m beginning to think that your lead Liminal is a bit dim-witted. Again though you leave us with a tease which is nice. I like the interaction between the two human teenagers. I’m interested to learn what her drawing power is and why the boy knows!
“I tug on her pants…” – didn’t actually imagine them with pants!

Chapter Four:
So Tissa feels uncomfortable with Jake – interesting, but we’re not getting into Twilight territory here are we – where the girl is clueless and the boy knows her as if he was In her mind! No its all a ruse and the teenagers are playing games with the seemingly clueless Liminals – nice twist… have… to… read… more…
A few notes…
“Mozart – WERE ALL names synonymous with…” the sentence seems to be missing the two capitalized words I’ve inserted here. I had to read the sentence twice…
“…but time and poor practice have…” – first line that bothered me… seems too human, too public service! I think it needs to be more magical, but then I have a lot to learn about these creatures, so I could be all arse about!
“blond girls in red…” – should this be blonde?

So Jenny let me read Liminal Lights to the very end in return for some minor editing, including parts not posted on authonomy. Excellent book! Looking forward to reading the second story. I want to know more about the Liminals, there's more to them than we realise. And more to Jake, as well.

Scott Butcher (The Merlin Falcon)

Hi Jennifer
I love this eventhough you do not have much dialogue in it. I think this would be perfect for an aduld to read to their children (which I hope they'll do with mine too). I see by some of the other comments there are a few errors in it but not being an expert in grammer it looked perfect to me as it is. You have a wonderful narrative voice and tell a wonderful story. What more can I say because I could not see anything to critiqe. High stars from me and on my WL.
Brian.

Hi Jennifer - I have enjoyed the first seven chapters of "Liminal Lights". It is a nice story with likable characters and lots of potential. I especially like the fantasy elements and the way you develop "Liminals" as a race of magical beings that secretly interact with humans.

"Any minute now the world could tilt, shifting the shadows and leaving my kind to drown in the dark." - Ah, this is nice. I can tell that I am going to enjoy your metaphorical style.

I especially like the way you are able to create fantasy in a real world setting. The Liminals are interesting- you introduce them at a proper pace and make the reader believe there is a population, living side-by-side with humans- that they are a real but magical species. The different colored wings, that they can hide within light, that they have young and old, it is all very nicely done. And the Liminals are not just tiny people with wings; they have their own unique characteristics. I am not sure I understand the "permissions" thing, but it is different and cool. Plus, you have given them motivation (the fading of their magic) that can be used to explain, at least in part, their actions. So, I like it. This is shaping up to be something special.

Harvestable magic - an interesting premise. I have conflicted emotions about these Liminals- I am not sure I like the idea of them exploiting humans. "I guess it all depends on how you look at it, Bean." Yes, good. You intend for me to feel this way, don't you?

Ch. 1, paragraph beginning with "This doesn't make any sense..." - You mention teal eyes glowing with suppressed anger twice in quick succession. Probably a mistake.

Tissa is a good companion for Bean. She is curious about the names of the humans. She wants to know all about them. Bean would have us believe that she cares about Nadia's well-being, but really, it is Tissa that is the caring one. But this is good writing. Although we are seeing the story unfold through Bean's eyes, we are able to filter her perceptions and see her as she truly is, a well-meaning but flawed character having the potential to grow. Good!

And the addition of Pritt is brilliant. We now have a team made of three distinct personalities. The possibilities are endless.

"Besides, humans have a tendency to look down, not up. If only they had some idea of all the wonders floating above them." - This is great! I like this style of writing.

The conversation between Nadia and Jake, in chapter six, overheard by the three Liminals, seems somehow wrong to me but I am having a hard time putting my finger on the problem. Indeed, this seems like the proper point in the story for the human characters to step up and take on a bigger role, but it seems that Nadia and Jake have it all figured out and are too accepting of the existence of faeries and the idea that they "take something from us". Nadia's mild protests are unconvincing. Or maybe it is my sense that your voice has changed- where is the metaphorical style of chapter one? The prose now seems a bit flat to me, prosaic, when I would prefer that it remain fantastical. I wish I could be more specific but after reading it twice I am still having a difficult time putting my feeling about it into words.

"What if the faeries are really the monsters in our closets?" - I do like this, though. It is a good ending for the chapter.

Can I make a couple of suggestions? My sense is that there are two problems with Liminal Lights. First, there is a single plot- the main plot- and nothing else. It is a good plot, to be sure, but if the only thing that Bean, Tissa, and Pritt have to occupy their time is following the children around, then it might get a bit monotonous. A solution might be to add a sub-plot or two, something to momentarily divert the reader's attention. For example, maybe Bean and Pritt are involved in a competition of some kind, trying to solve some little mystery or something that causes conflict between them. Another alternative is that you periodically shift the focus to the fantasy elements, describing the Liminal world and all of the various activities that take place there. What exactly do Liminals use magic for, anyway? Well, you could show us and in so doing would add a nice element of contrast to your story, a contrast between the world of humans and the world of Liminals.

My other suggestion is that you add a villain. There needs to be conflict. As suggested by your LP, maybe there is another type of creature, a dark version of a Liminal, that also wants to harvest Nadia's magic? Or something. But the villain needs to make an appearance earlier in the story. I think it would add a sense of immediacy to the story if this happened.

But the book still has a long way to go- a work in progress, as they say- and I am confident that you will shape it into something great. From the little bit that you have posted, it is obvious that it has potential. I enjoyed reading it- thanks for sharing and good luck!

SJ

CAN review

Hey Jen,

Wanted to come back and finish Liminals. Really enjoyed reading the first four chapters, so I thought I'd come back for more. Can totally picture Tissa sitting in their home with a book as big as herself and trying to decipher letters. Okay to editorial comments:

Chp 5: "...from where she has sprawled on the floor..." sounded strange. Maybe "...from where she was sprawled on the floor..."

When Tissa is explaining the words she didn't know, you should separate them from the rest of the text somehow or other. Maybe italicise them or something. Also "...that i thought might be important are: " colon needed.

"...our talents no longer useful to them." should be "...our talents no longer of use." or "...our talents no longer useful for them."

Don't quite understand the end of chapter 5, why doesn't Prit just come straight out and say what happened? It seems a little round about, and when did they leave their home to check the kids? It seemed like something was missing there. When was the decision made to run off and check them? Maybe they should just look at one and other (Bean and Tissa) panic takes hold, and then they race off, without Pritt having the chance to fully explain.

Chp 6: "...pierces the silent of the night..." should be "silence" not "silent".

"The essence of a person..." very long paragraph, I think you can separate out the beginning of it into another paragraph, with the second paragraph starting at "I know that child...".

"I didn't think of her as being Liminal." not sure what that means. Do you mean Nadia? She's not a Liminal. You mean she didn't think of her as anything more than something to be harvested. No personal connection, but that sentence doesn't quite do it.

"...to other for fear of being ridiculed." should be "...to each other for fear of being ridiculed."

Chp 7: "Which leads to the question of if there..." awkward sentence needs tightening.

"..of these liminal pairs." Okay, so what is a liminal? Why are these now liminal pairs? Are the charges liminals too? I thought the little winged creatures were the liminals. So confused.

"At night they meet in the shadows..." change of tense from the previous part of the paragraph. i think it should be "met". Other tense problems in this paragraph.

"...Pritt and I have to spend ways to keep her busy..." maybe "find" instead of "spend".

"speed-soar" was that meant to be a note to yourself to decide which word to use?

Bugger, another good story I won't get to read to the end of for ages! Well done Jennifer. But where's the rest?

Cheers, Scott Butcher (The Merlin Falcon)

CAN review

Great concept and amazing imagination. The idea of humans having magic and not developing it further because of faeries (sorry I lumped the Liminals with pixies, nymphs and sprites) stealing it for their own magical pool is excellent. It really makes you think about all those people with special talents, and then those with less. Hmmm… the Liminals didn’t get me! Hahaha.

I would like to know what makes Liminals different from pixies, nymphs and sprites. I am so very curious about how they harvest the humans’ magic. I suspect it is explained in further chapters.
Ha! And now I understand why my teenage kids are awake until the wee hours of the night! Which leads me to… how can the children be liminal? This is where I feel a little more of an explanation on Liminals is needed.

I love your characters, especially Tissa. She’s really something and brings a playful tone to the story. I don’t feel Liminals are scary. As a matter of fact, I find them rather sweet. I wonder if that changes further on in the book as humans become more aware of them.

Jenny, Liminal Lights is truly unique and beautifully written. I read all you posted and am looking forward to more.
L- xx

Here is the rest of my review.
I did promise after all. ^.^

Chapter Five- Alright, I broke down and googled liminal. XD I had to see. What I found was interesting… ‘in-between’, ‘hidden’. Hmm… Impressions- I didn’t see any repeats, so that’s good. It was a little slow in the beginning, right after she’s done drawing the letters out, and Pritts speech was a little longwinded. But it was a good chapter.

Chapter Six- Jake knows! They’re stealing our awesomeness. Imagine how amazing we’d be if the stupid things weren’t stealing from us! God, they are actually making me angry. Impressions- I was surprised how angry this chapter made me. In a good way… I just got angry at the limerals. Again, I didn’t see any repeats. But the conversation between the humans was the easiest thing for me to read in the entire book. Maybe because I can relate to how he is feeling. They’re thieves!

Chapter Seven- Good, question the evil you are actually doing. Oh… the humans are fighting back! AHAHA! Impressions- I can get into the story now. I think it’s because I want to fight against the limerals.

Alright. I did it! I read all you had posted. Nothing really stood out grammar wise, so that’s a bonus. You have a really good story, even if it isn’t really my thing. It would be interesting to read about how the human-limeral thing works out because I really am on the side of the humans.

Great job. I’m giving you 5 stars ^.^

L.

I was going to write up a CAN review for you... but I got nothing...

read everything you've posted and loved it all... you had me at the Liminal called Bean.

I love your phrasing... I love your 'action' - I love that you kept my interest despite your scenes lacking in dialogue... (like the opening chapter for instance)

and this "Impatience is written all over Tissa's face"

see? your phrasing is awesome. 6 stars and a bunch of love... sorry I don't have any lengthy crits to offer, but I truly think this is perfect as is

x

Jaclyn
My Life Without Me

As promised! Here is my review of Liminal Lights chapter by chapter.

Alright, I’m going to be completely honest, because you are not asking me to read it so I can fluff up your ego. At least, I don’t think you are… so here is my honest review! Please don’t hate me if you don’t agree. I don’t want to miss you on my thread if I offend you. :(

Chapter 1: The first half is just littered with descriptions. Holy poop. It’s great, it really set the scene. But holy poop! About half way through the speech I zoned out and struggled to jump back in. About half way down you repeat ‘teal eyes with supressed anger’ within two sentences of each other when describing Pritt. Probably only need it once. Cool ending. Makes me want to read more. Impressions- it was good. Not normally my things, but this is a children’s story right? Keeping that in mind, the first half was really freaking long and didn’t really show much. You described it for a really long time and while it was beautiful, it took a bit of effort for me to get into.

Chapter 2: You repeat the phrase ‘if possible’ within a few paragraphs of each other in the beginning. Maybe reword one. What the beejeebee’s is up with this boy? My goodness. I wish to know. Impressions- Alright, a bit more interesting than chapter one and the pace has picked up a little bit. The little sister is interesting, my little sisters don’t really act like that… so it’s interesting. Some of your sentences confuse me, they just seem a little jarring and disrupt the flow.

Chapter 3: I like how the ‘spark’ the two felt between them was magic. Nice little tidbit. ^.^Impressions- Now they have more things to deal with. By the way, you don’t really describe what they actually are… I mean you sort of do, but maybe you could add a little bit of a description on what they are. Unless you explain them later in the book, in which case ignore me. ^.^

Chapter 4: Aw, the two humans sound cute. She should not avoid him! I’m a hopeless romantic XD Part of me is really starting to hate the limerals. It’s horrible, and I think I’m supposed to like them… but I really would not feel anything if they died. Which is probably what you are trying to avoid… Impressions- Lost interest about half way down, when she lost her charge. Then I forced myself to keep going. The interactions between the three of them are interesting, but their dialogue can be sort of awkward. Would they really say it this way?


Alright, I’ll keep reading later, but I need a break. So far it’s pretty original. Not really my thing, but very interesting in its own way. I could see some kid enjoying it.

L.

Just finished chapter 7. I want more! Where is the rest? I think you have a winner here Jenn, and I want an autographed copy when (not if) you get published! Aside from a few minor punctuation or spelling errors, which will be taken care of in the final edit, I see not thing one wrong with this wonderful story. I would like to have seen a bit more about their competition...you know the 'other' magic harvesters. Now this is not a threat...but if you don't put up more chapters I will be forced to organize a boycott of this book! hahaha.

Jennifer, This is a really good read this. You have a natural voice for this book and this genre. I can understand there are a few tiny issues below but I see good things ahead with this. So far away from what I would normally read so I was made up that I could read it. There is a nice flow to this and you set the pace and maintain it throughout. If it slows you just increase your descriptions to match. So well done and good luck.
Sean Connolly. British Army on the Rampage. (B.A.O.R) Please consider me for a read or watch list wont you?? Many thanks. Sean

Jenn. I'm continually amazed at the talent here. Chapter 1, for me, who knows nothing about Liminals, I found I was a bit lost. Even though you explain a bit in your pitch, I thought a brief explanation to start the chapter would have been nice. I also found that there were a lot of characters introduced and all of them with strange unfamiliar names. For this reader that was a bit confusing, but that is just me. This happens all the time when I read fantasy type books, but I'm sure as I read on, I will get to know them much better. I like the fact that each Liminal have their own color and intensity of color. I'll start off with 4 stars and on my watch list. My only regret is I didn't read this until now. Bad Lockie!!

Hi - I enjoyed this (see my review below). I was just wondering of you wanted to return the favour and have a look at my offering 'Green Hour'? If you do, though, perhaps you could do me a favour and start at Chapter 7? I know that this is a weird request, but most of my reviews have been from people who have read the first couple of chapters only - there are some twists later on that I would like people to get a feel of...

I hope that you find time to have a little look at it,

Adrian

Jennifer...This is enchanting and filled with visuals that will capture the imaginations of all those that read it. It's one that I can imagine on screen as well. Great work, high stars, and a place on my watchlist.

Linda
Daniel Simmons Journey
and
Children Walking with Jesus

CAN review.
Awesome story. It held my interest very well and I'm excited to see where it goes!
My one suggestion is that you try to slow down the pacing of the story just a touch. Try to spend a little more time on descriptions fixing the story in place before you jump on to the next point.

CAN (Canadian) review

Hi Jennifer,

I must admit I do like books on faeries and magic. I had to have a look at yours. I'm just saving this between chapters for now.

Okay I had to go as far as chapter 4 before I found anything to comment on. It was all totally enthralling. Here it is. The one typo I found. Where's the drum roll?

"..those scribbles human place so much value on." should be... wait for it ... "...those scribbles humans place so much value on." My existence is vindicated. I have made a difference by finding a dropped "s".

Another one! "..it's obviously he can discern our shapes." should be "it's obvious he can discern our shapes." Very proud of myself.

Now I've got to ask, is Tissa not able to decipher the word faerie, written by Jake, because he writes fairy? What's the world coming to?

All levity aside, this is a brilliant book. Really enjoyable. All I can really do is give it six stars. Excellent work.

Regards Scott Butcher (The Merlin Falcon)

nice story. Engrossing narration. highly starred and on my watchlist.

venkatarama
Ozoneraser

Really nicely written. You sustain the present tense narrative (which can become tiresome in less skilled hands) very effectively and build an intriguing, well-realised world - the type of world that the reader can become absorbed in and want to find out more about. I also like the way that the plot unravels gradually - it keeps the reader interested and points towards possible later developments. There is a lot of originality here and, for that alone, this is worthy of note.

Adrian

Hi Jennifer,

Liminal Lights, what a delight! A strong narrative, Nadia at the helm introduces us to her magical friends. The tension builds in the story as the Liminals try to sustain and build their power to preserve their race. I'd recommend your book as a very good read for children and young adults alike. Backed.

Kathi Kenner (mysterious orchid)
author--The Bedroom Tapes: Repercussions, Book One

Oh my I love this.

A very original idea, and very well written.
Your opening scene with the girl drawing is simply magical, and I really like the voices of the Liminal's.
I wish I had more to say, but there's nothing to suggest.

Excellent job,
God bless

This is perfectly lovely. Beautifully written, engaging characters, a charming idea and clever, too. Deserves success!
Stars and on watchlist or my next bookshelf change.
Andrea
The de Amerley Affair

What a great opening chapter.
I liked the image of Bean pressing her nose against the cold glass of the window as she watches her charge. We are taken straight into a 'fairy' world where there are imminent changes waiting to happen as 'the moon has begun its tilt'.
The idea of fairies watching over selected children with a view to harnessing their powers as they emerge certainly engaged me.
The Liminals are on the verge of destruction and Bean is given permission to help her charge find her power.
A great storyline is emerging early on. I think that Bean's annoyance when her charge destroys the picture she is drawing at the beginning would benefit from a little explanation.
Bean is a likeable m/c and Pritt adds a good balance of danger with his controversial ideas.
This is engaging, with good pace and good characterisation.

There is a strong feeling that something big is about to happen at the end of this first chapter. A great pull into chapter two.

High stars and wishing you well with this
Debbie
'Speedy McCready'

Hi Jenny,

Thanks for suggesting I read this - I read and enjoyed the whole extract. It's a very interesting book that's well written and an original take on the fairy tale. You mentioned that you thought there might be a problem with the age group, so I thought I'd tackle that.

For what it's worth, I don't think there's a problem with that - it's firmly in teenage (YA) territory, given that the writing style is quite sophisticated, and that Nadia and Jake are teens. The fact that it's a fairy tale doesn't make it for younger kids - there have been some startllngly graphic fairy tales for adults. In any case, the reader's age is determined by the sophistication of the material. There is some confusion in the book about how old Nadia and Jake are, because the narrator refers to them as children on some occasions, and as teenagers on others. Because we only know what she tells us, if she's confused, then we're confused. But that's easily fixed.

One thing I would have liked to see was more actual magic. Bean comments a lot on the magic in Nadia's drawings - but what does this mean? Do her drawings have some kind of power? Or is the magic her growing talent as an artist? Why is it a problem if she rubs some of her drawings out? And how are the fairies shaping this power? They talk a lot about it, but it would be nice to see the power in action. At the moment, it feels more like the fairies need the life force of teenagers, rather than a form of teenage magic.

The characterisation is, for the most part, very good. Tissa and Pritt are both strong, as is Jake. Jake's pretty interesting, actually, and the story really comes to life whenever he's on the scene.

I was trying to work out why that was, and I think it's because Jake is the character who has the most motivation and determination. He has a real goal he's pursuing - he can see fairies and he wants to find out more about them. Pritt is also a character who is action oriented - he goes and shows himself, in a quite daring escapade. Tissa sets out to learn to read. They all have things they want, and they decide to go after them. Their actions make them very engaging.

I found the narrator quite problematic, simply because she is observing and not taking action herself. In fact, she's a bit miffed about those who do take action - Tissa and Pritt. To be honest, she comes across as a kind of career bureaucrat fairy, who spends all day thinking about her job and how it should be done correctly, with no time for young upstarts who come in and think they know everything.

What does she want? Obviously she wants to stop the fairy race from dying out, and obviously the plot turns on that, but what does she want for herself? Does she want to prove herself? Show the others how it's done? Really make a top job of shaping these kids' magic? What motivates her? The reader enters this world through the eyes of the narrator, but in this story, the narrator is the most passive character. That means the reader is stuck watching everybody else having a good time, but not being able to join in, because the head the reader is hitched to (the narrator) isn't taking strong action. If any of that makes any sense.

The other thing to be careful of is spending a lot of time explaining how the world works to the reader, either through speeches being delivered at the fairy meeting, or through the characters reminding each other of things that they already know. For example, Tissa remarks that there are few fairies who can decipher written texts.

If you think about us, we don't go around telling each other things we take for granted about our lives. If we walked past an old churchyard that has Latin inscriptions on the wall, we don't turn to one another and say - it's a dead language that lots of people used to speak, but which only academics and the pope use today. We just go "pretty, isn't it?" if we notice it at all. Likewise, it seems strange that an experienced fairy would have to be told that teenagers are nocturnal - she's an old hand, so she should know that already.

You sort of have to throw the reader into a fully formed world and let them work out what's going on and how it all operates. This actually makes it a more exciting read. The reader will understand what's going on through the character's actions, just like we do when we're watching a fantasy or sci-fi film. We pick it up pretty fast.

Having said that, I did really like Bean's observations about human life. Some of her notes were gorgeous, like her wondering why humans wasted time changing into different clothes all day, when they have such a short life span, or wondering why they bothered to lock things up.

Finally, your pitch suggests that there will be dark creatures involved in the story. Given that those sorts of characters and threats add tension, it would be good to see them much earlier on.

Basically, I think this is a great story with some very strong characters, that needs the explanations pared away in favour of letting action and urgency through. And the narrator needs some goals of her own to pursue. This is all pretty easy to do, if you think these comments are worth anything. You've got everything there, it just needs a bit of pruning and shaping.

It will be interesting to see where you take this next.

Annabelle

CHIRG Review
Hi Jennifer
I have made our first chapter swap a review, as I ended up reading 3 chapters.
You have a great way with words and turns of phrase. For example...'his words echoed the inexperience glowing in his wings' this phrase also highlights another charming aspect of your writing how the Liminals glow in different colours and intensities depending on their moods and feelings. The ideas of harvesting magic from unsuspecting humans and watching over their charges until the show signs of their powers is also a great idea. The way you weave to two worlds together, watching Nadia at school and meeting with the boy who is perhaps 'the one', whilst flitting back to the world of the Varian and the shelter made of bird feathers and twigs works flawlessly
You manage to build good atmosphere and put a lot of emotion into your scenes and have nice hooks at the end of chapters to pull the reader along.
I did however feel that it is weighted towards the Young Adult reader rather than children, words such as 'palpable' are quite advanced.
On the grammar and writing front this feels well edited and I did not pick up on anything odd or out of place.
Five stars and a place on my shelf when it gets near the top, and that extra push is needed.
D.J
The Ghost Shirt

Hi Jennifer,

Joe Cool suggested that I read your book. A good start, so far, and I have more to read.

Kathi Kenner (mysterious orchid)
author--The Bedroom Tapes: Repercussions, Book One

Hello Jennifer,

I love fairies! I thought the 'Liminal beings' is a great idea. They have powers and magic, but their not exactly fairies. You being able to come up with a totally different new being is brilliant and I'd like to commend you for that.

You have the ability to weave such a beautiful story, giving your readers nothing but entertainment. Your attention to detail is impeccable. From the first chapter up the last was a great reading experience for me. Because of that I give you 5 stars and wish you all the best!

May I invite you to read and rate my book as well? Thank you in advance for your help!

D
LEO & ROVER: THE PURPLE MARBLE ADVENTURES

Club Grimoire Round 2 Chs. 3 to 7

First of all I think this is beautifully written. I didn't see any typos and more importantly there were no words or phrases that jarred at all. It really is a fantastically original idea. I liked the relationship between Tiss, the impulsive younger sibling and Bean . Pritt seems to become less annoying as the book goes on, even quite helpful at finding missing teenagers, even though he makes Bean's wings go a funny colour! Their view of human life is interesting, wondering what was wrong with her first choice of foot coverings. Bean is an interesting character with her patience and perseverence skills. I enjoyed the hint that Jake will be something quite special and the added dimension of the children being aware of the faeries and tring to avoid being followed by them.
It's an interesting read. Nothing very dramatic happens - except for poor Persa and her death/fading reminds us that there is a serious crisis for the faeries. I don't know how much it would keep children reading, but it's a lovely gentle story with wonderful detail. Probably it's more young adult.
I haven't really any crits to make. Top stars definitely.

CHIRG Review
Hi Jennifer,
Thanks for giving me the opportunity to read and review your work. Firstly, I loved the story and the detail you have put into the opening chapters. The reader can quickly see how the Liminals are working and learn a huge amount about the tale and what is happening. A great start!
I'm not certain what age this story would be best for though..some of it is quite advanced for the younger child.
I enjoyed it though and I'm sure it will do well.
Regards

Steve
'Merlin's Cave'

Chapters 1 to 7

I like the idea of the Liminals harvesting and controlling the magic in humans, and needing the magic to survive themselves. Looking at it from Bean's point of view is interesting and helps us care about the fairies, especially Bean herself who seems unsure and vulnerable. I like the way Bean adds little asides which give the reader insights into her personality (eg in Chapter 4, when Pritt and Bean talk in unison, Bean thinks "I hate that we are starting to think alike.") She soon begins to feel like a well rounded character, with weaknesses as well as strengths. I cared about her.

I think you are especially good at painting pictures with your words. I could see many of the scenes very clearly (especially at the opening of the story) and I'm sure this would have a big impact on children who read it.
You introduce danger fairly quickly and in Chapter 7 you leave the reader with a sense that things are getting out of control and that Bean and her friends do not have the experience or power to cope. I wanted to read more.

My suggestions: I think perhaps your writing may occasionally be too challenging for younger children, but I'm not an expert on this. Also, perhaps you could introduce the dangers a little earlier and be more explicit as to what this would mean for the fairies? I think this would help keep the younger child involved.

I enjoyed the read and I will place your story on my shelf when I next have a space.
Cherry
The Girl from Ithaca

You have a great opening. I was gripped straight away, especially when the "Silly human-child" got mentioned. Max stars but still reading

I really enjoyed reading Liminal Lights.
At the end of ch7 I wanted to read further. If you post more please let me know.
High stars for now.
Cas
The Wind Maker

This is really adorable. I would have loved this when I was a kid.
Sorry I don't have more to say about it; I just read all that was here and enjoyed it!

Great book so far. I am putting on my shelf and giving a very good rating. Hope to comment in the future.

Club Grimoire Review

Wow. Just wow.
This was amazing.

I love the whole concept of it - fairies harvesting the natural magic of children - and that you have chosen to tell the story from a fairy's viewpoint. That's original. You get extra points for the fairy's name, which when spoken aloud sounds like my name! (Zebeana - Sabina)

Your writing is flawless, easy to follow, and I like the MC's voice. It's very natural-sounding, and we already feel for her and what she is supposed to do. I loved all of their names, unique but yet so fitting for fairies.

This is a great children's book, but would also suit an older audience (seeing as I like it too and would very much like to read on and find out what happens!). Overall, it's got a lot of potential and I wouldn't be surprised if this is published in the near future!

Great work!
Sabina

Hi Jenny,

I've been meaning to look at one of your books for a long time but wasn't sure which one you wanted feedback on. I went for Liminal lights and I hope that was ok.

This is a great read. Not the cutesy sort of fairy story I was expecting at all. Your book is serious and very well written. The characters are convincing and the fact that we have everything narrated to us from the perspective of the fairies rather than the more common practice in children’s fiction of having the children discovering the magic as the focus, makes this extremely interesting and original.

I also like the fact you have a rather imperfect narrator in Bean. She is slow and responsible but surprisingly may be in the wrong with some of her decisions, it is a very unusual thing to come across such a complex narrator in fiction for this age group and I was very impressed.

The moments where you describe magic are fantastic, extremely exhilarating in the context of the slower paced narrative. Similarly, your command of language is highly impressive and I came across hardly any genuine errors in the text. I did wonder at times whether some of the language was a little too sophisticated for children but I can’t really say that this is a failing.

In terms of plot, the biggest thing I questioned was Bean’s seeming unfamiliarity with the human world. She’s spent 14 years following Nadia and doesn’t even know her name and questions the need for schools, locks, clothes and possessions. I know you want her to be seen as distant and disinterested but I found it a little too much at times – surely she’d have heard Nadia’s name thousands of times. I also questioned how – if as we are told the fairies can possibly be seen by humans – they aren’t. I think you should make it clear that they can go fully invisible.

Anyway, these are minor observations and do not detract from the quality and originality of this wonderful opening. I made some notes on minor things I came across in the first three chapters. I hope they’re helpful.

, she is fragile; unaware of her power
-semi colon or “and” needed

whizzes past, IGNORING my window altogether.
-to avoid the repeated sound “pass”

The girl returns, dressed in loose fitting pants and a fitted t-shirt
-again you have the repeated sound here and it’s jarring for the reader and knocks our concentration – does it have to be a fitted t-shirt, couldn’t it just be a t-shirt or a pink t-shirt?

own charges, waiting for changes, hoping for transformations
-similar thing here, it’s like a mental mouthful – charges and changes – could it not be change instead of changes?

Another rash comment from an untried child.
-untried in this sentence is not very clear, UNTESTED?? Maybe?

Pursa’s voice drifts over me and I can hear HER DISAPPROVAL
-avoids repetition of voice

wondering why I was chosen FROM among so many
-I think is more correct
-also, doesn’t she know the answer, they told her it was her charge not her talents that they picked her for.


an adolescent version of Tinkerbelle
-if you mean the character from Peter Pan it’s Tinker Bell

already started to walk along the ROAD towards her school
-you might think I’m being really picky about these kinds of repetitions but editors and publishers really do care about this sort of thing. I have a guide to self editing I can e-mail you if you want it, it’s quite interesting.

He said that you can teach me a lot,
-not clear here who “he” is, I don’t think.

Tissa is my youngest sibling
-perhaps you should have mentioned this before??

labelling items, as though they have so much that they need to catalogue everything in order to keep track of it all.
-found this sentence a little clumsy and abstract – so much of what?

, not to mention THAT this is a very public location
-in written form you need the that here

if we could produce such wonders? It makes me THINK MAYBE we should try—”
-the repetition of wonder with the two different meanings is very jarring.

so stop passing JUDGEMENT on things you know nothing of

She is overly critical.
-not necessary as we get this from her words

magical drought
-I think it should be magic drought as it is a drought of magic not a drought that is magical.

the distraction must be Pritt, searching for a way to GAIN ACCESS to our conversation.
-less formal

People tell me I look very much like he DID before his beard turned white with wisdom.


A really great story which deserves all six stars I will give it. I'd happily find space for this on my desk in the future and hope that, once I've finished returning reads and have my gold medal! I'll have time to finish reading this wonderful book.

Best of luck with it,

Benedict

Club Grimoire Review

Chapter One

Pitch - I liked the pitch. As well as the story, it introduces us to the concept behind the book, of the relationship between faeries and humans and the relevance of human magic, which I think would entice many browsers for its uniqueness. The first sentence works really well as a question.

Chapter One

I thought this started off really well. Visually its evocative, with the girl through the window drawing by lamplight. You introduce us to the faery powers and the barriers and differences between them and us (eg the daydreaming, the changing of clothes). By the way, I thought Beana's bemusement about why humans change their clothes all the time despite living only short lives was quite poignant!!!
The whole concept behind the book is intriguing. The magic of humans and its necessity for fearies to survive, and how that magic ripens for the taking. I think the reader could be better enlightened to it though. For instance, you tell us about the boy whose powers didn't emerge till he was 16, but say no more. Who was he? How did the delayed emergence effect him? And when his power came, in what form? The same with the girl you mention next. I was left a little confused as to 'interference' and what this was exactly. Does it mean faeries showing themselves to humans? If so, tell us, and tell us what happened before when interference took place. It would create more suspense for what is to follow. I was also a little confused as to what is meant by humans 'evolving' and 'shifting'.

I like the idea of the supernatural being paradoxically natural - a little secret only the faeries know. The moss and the mushrooms that Beano weaves past to get the the front is a lovely touch. It gives us a perspective of the tiny faery folk. More would definately add to this chapter. Maybe a sleeping bat inside the willow or something. Another touch worth praise is the idea of the faeries being able to actually see emotions, eg the passions burning bright.

Thanks for the read

Arnbjorn

Club Grimoire Review
This is great poetic writing. The first paragraph creates an intant visual image of the child in warm light with it glowing on her hair and Bean outside in the dark pessing her nose against the window. You get the explanation of what is happening in neatly, through the meeting. Pritt creates a little tension and I like the image of his turquoise wings humming in frustration. Again there is the urgency of their failing magic to drive the story along.
I like the originatlity of the reversal of roles, so that the 'fairies' are the viewpoint we are given.
The only thing I am not sure of is what age group this would suit. Not younger children certainly. Not sure, have you thought about this at all?

Hi Jenny, come at last to take a look at Liminal Lights. As always, whatever I say is just my own opinion and you're free to do what you like with it.

CHAPTER ONE
Good opening, if a little over-written for my taste. But then that might be the narrator's voice.

You've a great style and the narrator is very easy to form an attachment too, but I do wonder if his eccentric tone might be a bit heavy at the start for your target audience. A trim of the odd word here and there would easily fix this, if you feel it could be a problem.

Otherwise it's well-written and plays the set-up nicely.

CHAPTER TWO
I am finding it more difficult to relate to the narrator here. While you've got the perspective of an older overseer done well, I think you may run the risk of distancing us from the human characters too much. This is perhaps quite a radical suggestion, but would it be possible to intersperse the narration with Nadia's point of view? Or perhaps even start with Nadia. It might help strengthen the reader's connection to her, which is something the narrator and the reader can then share. So far, other than Nadia's art, I feel no reason as to why she is anymore special than any other Liminal charge, and this is making it hard for me to empathize with her. This is undermined even more when you introduce the boy, who has been an 'unnoticed gem', which further downgrades Nadia's 'special-ness'.

Perhaps a little more comparison to what Nadia does that is different to other charges Bean has had might make up for this. She needs a bit more 'uniqueness', I think, especially as the Liminals appear to be pinning their hopes on her, and yet there doesn't seem any reason why they should pick her over anyone else.

CHAPTER THREE
Again, keeping up with the strong narrative style, but I think there needs to be a little more driving this. What would happen if the Liminals lose magic? Why can't they interact with humans? Just something outlining the stakes, in a very broad sense, would up the suspense a bit. I'm not really getting a sense of impending doom, or last hope, which your pitch and Bean's musings seem to indicate. And I think the shock over Jake's involvement needs to be taken up a notch. This story happening now is different to the previous Liminal encounters, and highlighting the differences would strengthen the plot's drive somewhat. Even if Bean doesn't know what the eventual outcome might be, she needs to reflect on the desperate times, and what failure for her would mean.

So, the writing, characters and voice are all there in copious amounts, but I would like some more oomph to what is driving the plot, and how this is different to what has gone on before, and the risks etc this involves, just to keep the tension going.

I'd definitely read on :)

Cheers

Sam

What I've read so far was wonderfully written and very imaginative. I've seen similar stories, but I'm more familiar with yours as it's subtle, and not over the top.

I have a thing for faeries, and I always have, so it was a joy in reading this!

I have no complaints and will continue to back this little gem.

Good luck with your book :)

JCS
Anguished Immortals Trilogy.

Club Grimoire Review
A nice smooth piece of writing - I did hesitate a little over the 'gold ribbons of sunshine' in the girl's hair and even more when her pencil sketch was called an 'etching' but both are easily dealt with.
The situation - the liminals approaching extinction, the humans with magical abilities that they are unaware of, the difficult task assigned to the narrator - is intriguing, but if this is intended for younger children I would suggest that it would benefit from shortening and tightening so that something positive happens sooner. I am a (much) older reader and I was tempted to skim a little
All good wishes.

Club Grimoire Review of "Liminal Lights" by Jennifer Bogart [aka Jenny-B]

***I’m putting a disclaimer here: my husband and son have chosen to play Minecraft in the same room as I am (and talk loudly about it), thereby distracting the ever-loving heck out of me. I’m hoping all this makes sense, as my lucidity and coherence are coming and going in waves! >_<***

Almost instantly you paint a scene of a world draining of magic. There’s an undercurrent of melancholy that surges beneath the words, giving this a sad and even dangerous feel but with a spark of hope within the girl.

I’m instantly intrigued by the girl and the sketch, and I’m wondering if this is a form of her latent magic. Is she able to make the drawings come to life? Can she obliterate a new life (or the potential for it) with just an eraser? A sense of loss comes across very strongly here. You’ve done an excellent job setting a stage for a tough assignment with just two opening paragraphs.

Pritt makes me nervous right away. Is he capable of bringing nightmares? There’s something about him that I don’t know yet, but judging by Zebeana’s reactions he’s up to no good. I’m curious as to why she would need to protect her charge from him.

The way you’ve set up this unseen society with rules, a hierarchy, and a chosen assignment have given a great sense of realism to the Liminal world. (I love your choice of the word “liminal” by the way, it feels solid, like something that really exists. I don’t know why. It just feels—realer.) I don’t like how Pritt covets Bean being chosen for the assignment, and I wonder what he’s going to do.

I don’t read the other reviews, so I don’t know how much I’m echoing here, but this is very well written (flawless, so far as I can tell) and a fascinating world to be drawn into. It makes me feel young again, and you’ve captured what it felt like to believe in fairies.

~ Shelley

Jenny,
Finished the rest, the tension mounts up wonderfully, as does the interaction between Bean, Tissa and Pritt.
I can see kids everywhere wondering about motes of dust dancing in the light after reading this book.
As the story progressed, I could see my younger kids age 9, being enthralled, the only problem being that they would have to persevere through the first and second chapters which I felt were a little complicated for them. Maybe I am wrong, I might get the more competent reader of the two to have a look. Well done

I have read three chapters and will be back to read more tomorrow.
My first comment is you have a terrific imagination. You are turning the tales we have all heard about fairies in our childhood into life. Your book has a good flow, each chapter sucking you into the next. Paragraphs are short and succinct, letting you absorb details well.
I like the familial relationships between the fairies, I think it helps make them more real to us.
I love the way Bean knows she has a job to do, but she is protecting Nadia as much as she can, even without knowing her name. Bean seems to be a kindly soul, it makes me drawn to her.
One thing I thought might help the flow though, is that most of your speech appears in long paragraphs, I wonder if you split it out into single lines, might it draw the readers attention to it more. Just a suggestion, I am only a novice and could be talking baloney.
I see you have pitched this as a children's book but to be honest, I think it would take teenagers to be able to follow it, I know my 9-yr olds wouldn't, but my 13 year old would. Not sure if there is a teenage box on authonomy.
I noticed a couple of typos, and as I hate editing, I love when other people point them out so here they are:
Ch 1 "three exceptional youth," should be youths
Ch2 not a typo but overuse of the word: bright, brightly and bright appear in one short paragraph
Ch3 "pictures that dancing to life on the page" should this be are dancing?

I am baffled by Liminal Lights, I love it but can't exactly explain why.
I don't usually like first person narratives, and the present tense usually throws me straight away - not here. I enjoy strong dialogue-driven work and find myself skipping over the descriptions - not here.
I do enjoy the contrast of Bean knowing all the important details of her charge's existance except her name etc..
This is a fascinating work probing just deep enough at a time to draw the reader forward, I am reading this constantly asking questions, hoping I get rewarded at the end.

Well written tale with plenty to engage the fantasy fan of any age, except maybe the younger reader. Bean and co are believable characters and there is enough info to ground the reader without overwhelming them. Plenty of potential here for a good read.

Club Grimoire Critique

Hi Jenny

There were very few nits to pick in this, and here they are:

‘His comment doesn’t faze me.’ Faze seems inappropriate to me.
‘The natural progression of human time created this haven.’ Not sure I follow here.

Otherwise, the only thoughts I had were on style. Not that there’s much to criticise, just a few suggestions. Funny, I never thought this was written for children, despite the subject. The language is rather too abstract and formal for the very young. I’d have classed it as intelligent YA. The character of Bean is appealing, even though she barely says anything. She has a quiet perceptiveness that contrasts with some of the other Liminals.

I enjoyed your writing style – literary but not pompous. Occasionally it slips into the didactic, occasionally I thought I’d rather have seen what was being described (like Bean’s attempts at nurturing the magic of other children, or Pritt being a pest) than be told about it. There’s a lot to take in in this first chapter, and I can see some readers asking quite a few questions. What exactly are the Liminals waiting for? Why are they there/here, if they’re not supposed to be? What would happen if one of them interfered (if you can say that) with a human, and what form would this interference take?
There is perhaps a case to be made for taking this opening section at a more leisurely pace, to bring in the meeting in a second chapter and spend the first setting out the relationship between Liminals and humans. The idea of the ‘permission’ is vague at this stage, and without knowing what it involves, or at least to have a hint of it, it’s difficult to get excited about it.
This is certainly a well-written piece of work, and it is a beautiful example of the exact opposite of dumbing down. Many stars from me, well-deserved.
J

Wow, good plot. Excellent read for anyone, not just for children. I really can see this being a special story shared by many for a long time. Your writing was very good and you explained everything in the first chapter, answering all the questions that I had when I read the pitch, which did draw me in. I know that Pitt will be a trouble maker and I want to know the "magic" that's harvested.

Very good. Many stars.

Abby

I like your characters especially the cute faerie Bean. I would have loved this when I was little. Really pleased I found it.