Book Jacket

 

rank 5849
word count 12751
date submitted 12.07.2012
date updated 12.07.2012
genres: Fiction, Literary Fiction, Fantasy,...
classification: universal
incomplete

Blackened Butterfly

Abby Miller

Somehow, being selected the first girl warrior changes everything about Tia's planned, perfect life in her phalanx.

 

The world is different now. In Tia's world, there are communities called phalanxes. Each are strong, independent, and completely productive. Everyone looks and dresses the same- there is no conflict anymore. There are exactly 2500 people in each phalanx, and five phalanxes in Tia's area. There is no need for any disruption from her perfect world.

That is, until she gets to be selected as a warrior- the first girl warrior,ever. As her life starts to unravel around her, she quickly finds out that not everything is as calm and peaceful as it once seemed.

 
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tags

fantasy, fiction, ya

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SteveSeven wrote 314 days ago

Hello Abby,

I love the world that you have created and the idea of the phalanxes carries a lot of symbolic depth with the way that you describe everything having originated in the centre. You catch the reader from the first paragraph and the plot and your writing style are interesting. Keep up the good work. Kind regards, Steve

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KMac23 wrote 314 days ago

I really enjoyed reading your three chapters, and thought you have a good story going that moves along at a good pace with great dialogue and interesting characters. Tia is always questioning, searching, and going against the grain, an edgy character with grit. I think it is interesting to see what will happen after her going deeper into the forest, and how she will get out. There are a lot of unanswered questions which keep the suspense going. I'd like to read more in the future and give you high stars for now. Backed by me!

I hope you get a chance to look at my book and possibly find room for it on your shelf. Thanks!

Kara
A Gate Called Beautiful

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scargirl wrote 315 days ago

solid writing. i just keep asking myself with phalanxes 2500 people only and always, what is happening with newborn babies? this seems impossible to manage and i must read on to get the answers...
j
what every woman should know

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DWBrown wrote 315 days ago

Really enjoyed your first chapter. Your writing is strong and this is a great story. I like Tia's spunk already.
I'd suggest: You used "happy" twice in the same sentence and this tends to catch a readers attention right off; suggest changing or removing the one at the end of that sentence in the first paragraph in reference to the center phalanx.
Also: A third held "the" quiet production center, when Tia's reading about the center phalanx.
These are minor editing things and I'm sure mine will have way more...great work here. many stars.

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