The Circle of the Frealings

Club Grimoire Review
The Circle of the Frealings
What an amazing world you have created! I have taken my time this afternoon and read Chapter One. I drew a map of the Territories and wrote about the different clans. Your world is so imaginative and unique. Would be neat to see the map in the front of your book. I am curious to see what these beasts look like with their hooves and horns. I can see The White Fells in their white furs in the winter with the snow falling around. They are strong and swift, so the winds are no problem.
Your writing style is quite remarkable. The names of your characters are perfect. The dialogue is strong. I plan to read more. With the background you have provided, I am ready to see what happens next.
Grizzlebacks are some interesting creatures. I really want to meet the White Fells. I think they will be cool. High stars and will definitely return!
Sara Stinson
Finger Bones

Club Grimoire Review

I love this. Great style and a very original story. You use traditional story telling language and it works, great descriptions and scene setting but you keep it interesting with the action and dialogue. 'Speak for yourself' made me laugh. It was surprising and worked well in the more formal style. There is an interesting story starting here and I will keep it on my watchlist to read more later.
Niggles 'Many moons have passed' - cliche. I also was not sure about 'For a while had peace' though I loved the way you started with the poem, very neatly filling in the background and creating a sense of foreboding.
High stars and a very appealing read.

Club Grimoire Review:
Prelude:
Nice—reminded me quite a bit of Beowulf in style/theme. Definitely a good opening.
Chapter One:
This is very smooth and easy to read. The style brings to mind Tolkien and I can see this book being appreciated by fans of his work.
Much of the imagery is very vivid. I liked this line: the trees “unrolling into the distance”

The twins are very intriguing, with their immortality and the differences between them—Deorwine claiming to not need food, while Deored does.
The grizzlebacks are very interesting creatures—I like the name. And they are very original creatures, not quite like anything I’ve come across in fantasy before.
Some nitpicking:
“over the boom and hiss of the waters” this is probably just me, but I don’t really care for having “boom” and “hiss” italicized. It just looks odd to me and adds an unnecessary emphasis to the words.
“By the time both broke off their efforts the day was broad” I’m thinking you might need a comma after “efforts”
“Deorwine looked at the bone, troubling.” This wording kind of struck me as odd. Maybe “Deorwine looked at the bone, troubled.”?
“according to the tale” is missing a quotation mark at the end of it.
I’d think Deorwine and his brother would ask why the grizzlebacks moved much sooner than they do; it seemed a bit odd to me.
“the twins repaired within the cave” “repaired” didn’t seem like quite the right word.
Other than that, I thought this was really great; excellent job.

CG review
Hi Daniel M,

Prelude/Prologue.
I like the format of an ancient poem - it sets the tone for the chapter to come, and fits perfecty with the overall
themes of heroic, epic fantasy. Tweak it if you must, but it fits.

Overall impressions:
You have a vision and a style for this story, as far as I can tell so far. My personal belief is stick with it. Although the archaic language maybe a bit of a shock to some readers, others will be familiar with it, and will embrace it fully. Write for you first, then only if absolutely necessary change anything that amounts to 'style'. This type of reading demands a little concentration from the reader - which to my mind is not a bad thing - but not all readers will be after that.
To be honest, there were parts that were a little heavier-handed than others in the use of that style, but at no point did I find it difficult, or out of place. All writers are influenced by other writers and story-tellers - including JRRT with LOTR, as you have pointed out. Stay true to what influences your writing. (Even LOTR was called 'unreadable' by a certain literary critic when it was in it's first days of release last century).

That being said, all WIP's need polishing, and I there are a few spots that perhaps you could check back on for clarity. But I found the twins engaging in terms of their personalities, their mysterious nature - i.e. are they semi-divine, magical? - and their interactions and dialogue with each other as well as with the grizzlebacks quite believable in this fantasy setting.
The one thing that did puzzle me towards the end of the chapter was that despite the brothers asking about the nature of the creature that had been plaguing the grizzlebacks - nightly - they are given no clear answer. Surely the grizzelbacks would have at least provided some sort of description? or the twins would have pushed for one?

Some of your descriptive passages are truly lovely - I could envision the view from the top of the waterfall perfectly.
Overall, I'd say this book will definitely attract and hold alot of fans, and shows real potential. Well done, and thanks for the read. Minor niggles below...


‘...clinging refreshingly to his skin’. Something about this is just a tad awkward. Maybe something like ‘A cool vapour enshrouded him, the clinging drops refreshing his skin’?

For these tough, norse-style characters, the use of the word ‘charming’ felt a little out of place - perhaps the scenery is not dramatic enough to be ‘breathtaking’, but perhaps magnificent or maybe even bewitching? “The charm was rudely lost...” would still work with any other choice.
‘agelessly’ - weird kind of created adverb - might be better to keep it as an adjective and say ‘while he....watched on, ageless,...”
‘yet there is no sign of them yet.’ - I think leave out the last yet, and maybe go with ‘Yet still there is no sign...’
‘soil-brown hair’ caused me a moment of confusion - I had thought they were twins, and so assumed they were physically identical as well - not sure if it’s really a problem, but it did force me to go back and check if I’d missed something.



I’ll keep an eye on this one, for sure.
All the best
Kim
The Seventh Gate

Hi Daniel,
I'll admit that at first the style of this threw me - I guess I've become too used to 'modern' fantasy (much of which is repetitive and frankly boring re-hashing of the same current trends). Yours is not. As I read on through chapter 1 I got into the rythm of the language, and found myself really, really enjoying this.

The brothers are great characters and for some reason i could picture them so clearly - I loved the way they interact, and that even though they are twins, the come across as two very different personalities. The grizzlebacks I had a harder time 'picturing' - mostly I think because they actually start talking to the brothers - but once I got over that surprise, again the story carried me along. I think that the things that at first caught me by surprise are actually what makes this so enjoyable - you have stepped out of the current mould of what fantasy 'is' and are doing something different and original, and I think you are doing it well.

The high language here is definitely reminiscent of Tolkien. I thought it was great how you started off with action and adventure, and you could definitely get a sense of the key role the brothers' relationship would play in later chapters: nice foreshadowing. The characters were interesting and the world was too. Great read!

Criticism: if you're trying to get your book published by traditional publishing houses, the length might be an issue. Because it's high fantasy, you'd be allowed to get away with longer than 100,000 words. But, because you are a first-time author, they don't know how it will sell and might see printing a 156,000 word manuscript as too big a risk. If your looking at epublishing, however, then obviously length doesn't matter.

Hi
I've read the prelude and the first few chapters. Although I enjoyed Tolkien, I'm not a great fantasy person but I have a few observations for what they're worth. I liked the two brothers and I felt they worked really well. I found the archaic style a little off putting and whilst I think you have some really good descriptive sections I think you could tighten up a bit on those. I felt that not enough tension was built up in chapter one and it might be a good idea to split it and end it with a hook regarding the whereabouts of the grizzlebacks.
There is a lot to recommend your work - sorry that sounds like faint praise but mainly because I'm not a fantasy buff.
Good luck with it though because you're doing a good job of creating a special world.
Derek

You have a great talent for storytelling. Circle of Frealings is an artistic display of words that paint a poetic fantasy. The frightful adventure of these mystical characters is reminiscent of the darkness in our own world.

MiriamNConde
The Immortality Experiment

Very creative writing with a flare to take it one step forward. This is easy to read and follow. It has a great flow about it. It's not my normal genre but I enjoyed reading chapter one. I think you'll do well. Thanks for sharing your story with us. Would love if you took a look at any books of mine that may interest you. I think i'm out of your genre, as well but thought i'd give it a try:)

-Lyn

Daniel,
Wow, what an amazing story! Your descriptions, and the world you have created left me in awe. I could feel the rock underneath my hands as the brothers climbed.
I was unable to put this story down. I lost a lot of sleep trying to plow through the chapters to see what was going to happen next. Thank you for inviting me into your world.
Bravo and best of luck!
Elle

Thoughts on the Prelude and First Chapter:

Disclaimer: Fantasy is not my personal preference.

You have a very nice and easy-flowing style, which makes for a pleasant read, and the descriptive passages are excellent. Your narration has a consistent voice and style and does a good job at setting the appropriate tone for this style of novel.

While overall the writing is very clean, it could benefit from a second set of eyes to do some minor editing, as there are the occasional grammatical/punctuation errors that are a bit distracting.

Read the first chapter, and have been impressed by the power of the descriptive writing and the way you draw the reader into the action - characters literally on the edge of a cliff! Fantasy is not really my genre, preferring social realism, but the world you create is believable and beautiful and I can see it appealing to the teen/young adult market.

My only negative comment would have been on the chapter length of your opener. For me, a logical break would have been when the twins reach the top of the cliff. That is their initial goal, and the reader is wrapped up in whether or not that would be achieved. The second chapter would then start with the quest for the grizzlebacks. If your readership is the teen/young adult adult sector, shorter chapters tend to maintain interest, particularly if there is a good hook at the end of each one.

I wish you every success with your novel and you are on my watchlist.

Kathryn W
Highway Code

Daniel,
Not being a big Tolkien reader I can't compare you're story to that. With that said I wouldn't see why you would want your work compared to any. You have a great basis for the plot and the characters are refreshing. You showed that even though the brothers are twins each are different of the other, each brother having strengths and weaknesses. I have read only a few chapters but I will keep reading. Thanks for asking me to read your work.
Bryon Decker

Daniel,
Thank you for inviting me to read your work. I was taken back to my childhood and my devouring of Tolkein's works. You are developing a voice very like his and it suits your story well. You do a great job using action and dialogue to reveal your characters' purpose and nature. This is no small thing and you do it well. I found very few instances of you 'telling' us about your characters, you effectively 'showed' us what we needed to know. Your dialogue flows beautifully and is not cluttered with excessive business. You have established story problems effectively, foreshadowing the Curse and the beasts who have frightened the Grizzlebacks. But more than that, I'm interested to know more about the frealings, who they are, why they guard the Grizzlebacks. All of which draw me on to read more.

Your voice suits the story, but at times it can distract and jar. For instance, "fruity voice," made me stop reading and try to figure out what you meant. I would recommend editing many of your modifiers. Strengthen your verbs and let them do the work.

Nicely done. I hope you will have time to read a few chapters of Three Wells of the Sea.

Terry
Three Wells of the Sea

Daniel,
Well written with well rounded characters. Typically, I read 3-4 different books and then come back and comment on and rate them one after the other. However, after reading 3 chapters of Circle, I'm going to continue reading your book this evening.
Rated, WL'd and shelved it too.

Jon Schafer
Dead Air
Dead Calm
Normal Is A Washing Machine Setting

Daniel,
Well written with well rounded characters. Typically, I read 3-4 different books and then come back and comment on and rate them one after the other. However, after reading 3 chapters of Circle, I'm going to continue reading your book this evening.
Rated, WL'd and shelved it too.

Jon Schafer
Dead Air
Dead Calm
Normal Is A Washing Machine Setting

The story reads archaic, which I personally found difficult to follow. This is just my own preference. I did however find it entertaining. The names of your characters seem fitting. I am sure you will find plenty of readers who will thoroughly enjoy the book..
The best of luck
MC
Exposed

I’m wary of reading ‘Tolkienesque’ - I just think the great man is such a hard act to follow, but I have to say, Arnbjorn, I was very impressed. Your writing is clear, the story flows beautifully and the descriptions really do open up a fantasy land.

It’s a nice idea to start with the climb of the falls - such a view from up there - what better way to introduce the world to the reader? With Grizzlebacks, the Scirfell and the ageless, this has all the makings of an epic. I’ll be dipping in again to follow the adventure further. In the meantime, 6 stars and happily backed. Well done!

Amazing story, incredible world, great writing style. I have to say, I got more than I expected and your plot is simply amazing. Let me start with your prelude, it was a wonderful way to put it, like a beautiful poem, its allure made me want to turn the page and get into the plot. Then, to your characters, Deorwine and Deored, what an amazing way to introduce them in the first chapter. They bring life to your story and make it believable. Your dialogue though archaic, some might say they find it hard to understand, but from what I read, you seem to have made it simple and understandable yet retaining the archaic tone.
I must say, I enjoyed your story, as you seem to know exactly what to write and I'm looking forward to finishing it.

Ugo-Peter

The Chronicles of Old-Earth

I have added your book to my watchlist. It may be a while, but I look forward to reading it.

Kristi

Hi Daniel,
I read through the first chapter of the book and have some initial impressions: It is an interesting story. I read some fantasy tales, and loved Tolkien, and feel that you have a fairly good command over setting the scene. However, one thing that struck me was the lack of drama and peril, especially in the opening where the two twins are clinging by fingertips to a sheer escarpment. It felt to me like they were almost lackadaisical in their climb until the end where the dialogue expressed the only sense of urgency and frustration. Also, the sentence length is long and cumbersome and added to that ho-hum effect. As a suggestion, and do with it whatever you wish, I would recommend varying the sentence length more so that the words don't blend so much into one another. Again, as they are going through the grizzleback lair, the brothers seem more unimpressed despite the obvious peril of pick through a bear's cave when its possible the creature may return. I also noted that there was a word choice error at one point with a sentence ending "they have fallen to some ill." Since 'ill' is an adjective, I found myself wondering, 'ill what?'

On the whole, I think you have an interesting and entertaining tale here. But, in my humble opinion, I feel that it needs just a little technical finessing to make it a little easier on the eyes. Thanks so much for sharing and good luck moving forward.

Scott

The Disappearance of Charles Abbott Hart

Arnbjorn,

This is an absolutely phenomenal piece of work - a great entry into the tradition of epic fantasy! I'm envious! You employ Old English and Scandanavian diction to brilliant effect, and yet it doesn't feel like you have copy and pasted Tolkien, which alot of authors do!

I myself have used this Old English (Anglo Saxon) tradition myself to hint at an old/magical world in 'The Door in the Mountain' - but you have really expanded it into something grand.

The characters are interesting and the dialogue is sharp - it has just enough archaism to it to be intriguing without being completely onerous. THe world is engrossing and beautiful - it has been a LONG time since a fantasy world convinced me after Middle Earth, but Northlond and Mistwood have engaged me!

This is getting 6 stars and backed. Simple as.

Well done Sir !

-Joseph Sale

Wolf Rising

My review
The Circle of the Frealings
This is great story to fell the void left to us as Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings are both drawing to a close. The characters are very inventive and truly fascinated to watch over throughout the story. I love the names and the way the world seems to draw you in. I would recommend this book to everyone I knew and I read it constantly because I just couldnt bring myself to put it down. No one could deny that books like this deserve to be published. I hope you keep writing books like this but good books can be few and far apart.
Partygirl recommends this story to the publishers and people of the world!
Partygirl recommends this book to the publishers and people of the world!

My review
The Circle of the Frealings
This is great story to fell the void left to us as Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings are both drawing to a close. The characters are very inventive and truly fascinated to watch over throughout the story. I love the names and the way the world seems to draw you in. I would recommend this book to everyone I knew and I read it constantly because I just couldnt bring myself to put it down. No one could deny that books like this deserve to be published. I hope you keep writing books like this but good books can be few and far apart.
Partygirl recommends this book to the publishers and people of the world!

My review
The Circle of the Frealings
This is great story to fell the void left to us as Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings are both drawing to a close. The characters are very inventive and truly fascinated to watch over throughout the story. I love the names and the way the world seems to draw you in. I would recommend this book to everyone I knew and I read it constantly because I just couldnt bring myself to put it down. No one could deny that books like this deserve to be published. I hope you keep writing books like this but good books can be few and far apart.
Partygirl recommends this book to the publishers and people of the world!

Hi. I just read the prelude and the first chapter. Really like it so far. Obviously you have spent a lot of time thinking about the background of this world. I will be back to read more.

Hey,
I just read the prelude and the first chapter. Loving it so far. Really feels like you have thought long and hard about the background of this world and the people / creatures that occupy it. I'll be back for more.

You clearly articulate the surroundings and the valley. I got a real sense that I was there. I think, as some have suggested, a map would be great, giving a physical world for reference. I know it's not possible on this site. The dialogue was well constructed and believable. Some of your descriptions and word play are fantastic. The boom of waterfall etc.
Crits: I thought the opening chapter was long. Just my preference.
I think some of the language can feel a bit 'heavy', but that could be my lack of expertise in the fantasy genre.
That's all I could find fault with however. You are very talented and of all the books I've read so far, this one is up there with the ones that I could see in print. Really well done
Mark01684

This is really epic writing at its best. I can see this type of book doing so well although it is not my normal read, I read four chapters early Saturday morning and found myself dying to get back to it. It has a lovely flow to this book and just with that alone you will get the reader so hooked. It is another book I have found today that I would say has been given so much prep and planning time. I have enjoyed this one so much. Well done and good luck with it.
Sean Connolly. British Army on the Rampage. (B.A.O.R) Please consider me for a read or watch list wont you? Happy New Year. Sean

Daniel, I think you can write - this is a little too lyrical for my tastes - though I preferred the dialogue between your characters to the descriptive elements, which were a little too 'wordy.' Sometimes taking a word or two out of a sentence can actually make it sound more profound. As I mentioned, I thought your dialogue was strong. Some parts of this first chapter were excellent, but I felt my mind wandering at other times too. Obviously, we all have different tastes, and I'm sure that's playing a big part. Probably my fault rather than yours.
M.J
The Magpie King

I loved it by the first line. You have a great way with stringing one word into another, effortlessly, freely. Nice way you make the genre your own.

jim

What a wonderful imagination you have. I just love it!!

I read the firstr two parts and though this is usually noty my kind of reading, I was takwen in by the story and wanted to read moree. You have copied the ancient style of writing well and makes it seem real like the classics, which is good. I will come back and read the rest to see where you are going with it. High stars

Tolkien would be proud. Your gift for setting a scene and description is amazing. I've read the two chapters and it is very engaging. The world you create really wraps itself around the reader as only great fantasy could. Wonderful work. I'll continue reading. Hope you take some time to read my story, "The Soldier's Whisper".

NC

Hi Daniel!

I have read the first chapter of The Circle of Frealings and have to say that I came away slightly dissatisfied. Perhaps if and when I get around to reading a little bit more, this will change. To explain my overall view, here is a more detailed critique:

1. Cover Design *****
Simple and effective, quite evocative of the overall tenor of the book so far.

2. Short and Long Pitches ***
I love the short pitch. It pulled me in. The long pitch however had the reverse effect, full of long complicated sentences.

3. Content ****
I am in awe of those who have the ability to create a whole world in their heads. That being said, after the first chapter, I do not yet have a clear view in my own of what this world looks like. Perhaps that will come later. Although I do not expect finite descriptions, I do not have enough information yet about the brothers or the beasts to fully conjure them up and that is the main downfall for me personally.

4. Readability ***
I found my concentration jarred from time to time by the language and sentence construction and had to go back over the text to discern the meaning. Sentences are often long and convoluted. I realize that this may be a deliberate style choice but I found it nonetheless distracting.

5. Spelling and grammar ***
Perhaps it is intended that past tenses of verbs are misused, perhaps not, but I find it
inharmonious and it detracts from the flow of the work. Also sentence structure and
punctuation seem incongruous and laboured at times.

6. Overall rating ****
To be fair, I find that reading snippets of books here on Authonomy is not always the
best way to critique a book. If I start reading a book from the library or bookstore,
I would rarely stop at the first chapter. Here I am practically forced to do so because
there are too many to read and not enough time to perhaps do them justice. Judging by
others' comments I feel sure that if I continue reading at a later date, I will appreciate
this work more...

Roy Wallace
w3junkie
Eeny, Meeny: Proof that the Gods MUST be Crazy

Hi Daniel
You obviously have a very vivid imagination and have created a captivating world. I don't usually read much of this genre but I wish you well with it. I will be honest with my comments as I would wish others to be.
Whilst others clearly love your writing style, I found it a bit of a struggle at times, eg, the opening sentence I would have swapped around to read, ' The rockface D clung to, still to receive the warmth of the morning sun, felt damp and cold to his touch. ' This feels less clunky and gives more immediacy to the opening. You have a good story to tell but as with Tolkien, the language involved in the telling is the key. It is adored by some and not others.
There are some puctuation and sentence structure issues but you have created a vast world that many will enjoy.

Teresa
Love, Suzi x

Daniel,
I've read your opening chapter and am humbled by your elegant writing. You've created a fascinating world and do a superb job at engrossing the reader in it. I love the twins and am eager to learn more about them and to join them on what promises to be an exciting adventure. Thank you for sharing your craft and creativity!
Brian Ritchie
Anointed: The Chronicles of Ascension

What a strange imaginative story-line, that captures the readers attention from the beginning. I will put you on my watchlist, and will star you when I've read a chapter more.

Engrossing read and great for wet afternoons. Well done :)

Amazing story! I've only been able to read the first couple of chapters but will definitely read more once I get the chance.
This is a genre that I love to read, and your story is amazing.
Could I ask a favor? If you get a chance, could you look at my story, The Ramcher and The Flower? It would be much appreciated.

Sweetie, I'll have to be totally honest with you here...I'm so much a fan of stories about real people and their relationships and foibles that I have a really hard time with this fantasy genre. (I did read Harry Potter for my kids when they were little, but that was different). What I can tell, is that you can weave a tale and that you a truly gifted writer. It's no fault of yours, rather mine, that I can't really get into the story...It's like asking me to read something in French, or a car repair manual...I don't have the interest. I'd be willing to be you'd say the same thing about mine. But please take away from this what I said about your talent as a writer. I would think fans of this genre would find this story and your writing remarkable.

It has been many, many years since I read the works of Tolkien and CS Lewis or Asprin. Your work reminds me of all this. You have the gift of combining poetry in your writing; there is a flow to your words that is reminiscent of lore. My son has been writing and building a country of his own, and is hoping one day to publish a work similar to yours. I will refer him to your books. Your writing skills are good and I think you will do well as an author.

Daniel I've read your prologue and the opening chapter. I am happy to congratulate you on your writing. You are clearly in awe of JJR Tolkien . That's not a bad thing as I'm a fan too. He is what is called a local writer, like Ian Fleming andf CS Lewis. There must be a market for fans who want to read the huge epic fantasy adventures and maybe this might be one of them.
But saying all that things change and I 'm wondering how you cope with change. The hard copy seems to have been overtaken by the e-book and kindle has come into its own. I wish you the best of luck with your writing> Hope you pubish this novel
Best
Cleveland

Hello! I'd love to offer some comments...

Beautiful writing style. I love the wide variety of words used, mixed into sentences and phrases that I would never consider myself. I would describe my vocabulary as basic or barely literate next to your well-written prose. I love your writing style although it is not necessarily an easy read for simpletons. Your story reminds me of many stories that I have loved dearly but took a few reads before I truly understood the finer points of the characters/plot/history.

In the opening scene, my heart was pounding in worry. I was afraid that you were going to kill off one of the brothers. Climbing that cliff seemed awfully treacherous. Those slick rocks would not make the best scaling conditions! I admit that I read much faster only to be satisfied when you kept them both alive (for the time being). The hunt for the creatures continued to be interesting, although slightly less dangerous than climbing the cliff.

You definitely have the art of conversation mastered here. I like the way the characters talk to each other. The words you choose fit perfectly into the story and world that you are depicting (more of a medieval way of speaking). I am hoping to learn from your work to improve the dialogue in my own story. It is important to stick to a style of speaking once one has been established for a certain character. After all, the way we write is very different from the way we speak. I am not sure if I ever use full and complete sentences in my personal conversations.

The dialogue you use is well chosen and does not waste space. A book has valuable amounts of space and I have learnt to not "lose a reader" by going on and on with boring conversation that doesn't add anything to the story.

I know that I have had some comments on my book, ERACIN, that suggested I improve the conversation aspect. Do you have any good tips or recommendations for getting the dialogue to be consistent with the character and fit well inside the story?

Hello,
Sorry it took me so long to get to your book. I've finally been able to read chapter one and I must say it's a very beautifully written fantasy story. You have great vivid details depicting the world you've created. Nicely done. On the critique side I only have a few minor notes, which you can take or leave:
"Then Deored managed" Maybe remove the "then". Flows a little better.
"head of the falls and thinking how" maybe more like "head of the falls, thinking how"
There is an asterisk after "with pride" Not sure what that's about, maybe typo.
Again, these are just opinions. You write wonderfully and I gave you many stars. Best of luck to you.
-Julie Rainey
The Journey Home

Very discriptive, I felt I was there on the cliff with them. Wonderful to read this and by on a journey with the brothers. Great job. H.D.Okeefe

Daniel, this is a really epic piece of work. I loved it. Well-developed characterisation and some truly poetic descriptions really lift this story above the ordinary. The style of dialogue worked very well - in my opinion - this type of tale demands that kind of voice. Some vividly imagined creatures as well. You've obviously worked long and hard on the 'backstory' as I feel that you know even more than you've written down. Great names as well - I'm a big fan of names with meanings.

I will be back to read more - this is definitely a story to savour. Wishing you much luck.

Eva H
Children of the Raven

PLEASE PUBLISH THIS SO I CAN READ IT IN BOOK FORM!!!

I love this. I have always loved epic scale quests, adventures and worlds.
I've read the first chapter. I definitely want to read more and will do this when I'm free over the weekend.

The tone you use has that simmering promise of an epic adventure that you can settle down with and enjoy the journey.

Going on the shelf. High stars.

Chase

A beautiful poem to kick things off. I am always envious of people who can craft their words in such an artistic way.

Not my usual preferred genre, but as you asked me to look I was happy to do so. You have a lovely, poetic turn of phrase. I loved the Prelude; I love old languages, too. This is beautiful and I can see what you are trying to do and say. It works. Excellent. The initial descriptions of climbing under the waterfall are immediate and real; I could feel the mist,hear the boom. I think your writing style in very clear. As the content is obscure to me (no, I could never get into Tolkein or Harry Potter, sorry!) I can't comment on the story but I believe that if something is well written, it doesn't matter what the story is, it will capture the imagination. This is first class.
Andrea
The De Amerley Affair

Hi Daniel,

I must thank you a million times for introducing me to this book. (I must admit I'm no big fan of greek gods, immortals, supernatural powers and such)

My gratitude is regarding the quality of your writing. I like your attention to details. As you explain these twins and their suroundings one finds himself paying rapt attention. I'm able to picture everything.

The characters in this book are magnificent. (By the way, now I know who the real Arnbjorn is.) Deorwine and Deored seem like the pair one would like to spend a day with. The narration is very captivating. The settings appear real and tangible.

It will be a real traversty if I don't back this book. As for your inspiring me, you'll get 6/6 stars.

Hi Daniel,

You asked me if I would take a look at your book, 'The Circle of the Frealings,' although I don't usually read fantasy books.

I think the prelude is well done, and inspires the reader to want to know why the ancient, wise offspring met with a terrible end.

I read some of Chapter One which is very long. It was exciting to see if Deorwine and his twin brother, Deored, actually both made their climb up the rock face.

You give the reader a good sense of place with your descriptions, which I think is vital for a fantasy world. I also liked the way your described the time of day.

The meeting with the Grizzlebacks is full of suspense as the reader is unaware of what kind of reception the two brothers would have, or what type of creature a Grizzleback even is.

I would be very grateful if you could take a look at my work, 'A Prince Unboyed' by Carol Jefferies. The genre is historical fiction, but I've tried to reduce any politics.

Good luck with it,

Carol

Daniel
Whilst this genre is not one that I normally choose to read, I can comment on the wonderful writing. The dialogue, structure and confidence of your work is quite excellent and a perfect example of good storytelling.

David

Really enjoyed this fascinating story. Only read the opening poem and the first chapter and feel now that I have to read on. Your style is perfect for the story although a good editing would not go amiss. I have already backed the book and am now awarding it a flurry of stars. I will read more when time permits.
Rosemary Peel
Time Line