The Jolly Bloodbath

Hi, Tim and Jason: I've read your uploaded chapters and really enjoyed them. This is a very delightful, unique pirate tale with children taking the helm of the Jolly Bloodbath! Many parts of your book are simply hilarious - even for this older reader - and I found myself laughing out loud at some of your lines.

Excellent plot that moves at a quick pace: the starving children of Brakem Academy, not really an academy but a slave hovel, eat the master's feast and then steal the boat of his brother to ride the high seas before returning to the home of one of the children.

Vivid, imaginative, well-described characters: Captain Murderer who kills nuns in a rowboat as well as his own crew for pleasure; Hiss, his assistant; Dr. Bertie Bruit, director of the 'academy' and brother to Capt. Murderer; and the precious children of Brakem Academy: Beatrice Bollingbrook-Drivelington, Jolly Roger, Katey Cross, Sam Skulley, Davy Jones, and the twins, Ronnie and Reggie.

The reader is quite anxious for the children to get away from horrible Dr. Bruit and steal the Jolly Bloodbath which they do only to be pursued by Capt. Murderer, etc. on another boat. Finally, though, the children beach the Jolly Bloodbath near the home of Beatrice's father and, as the final uploaded chapters come to an end, we see Queenie, Sea Hag ruler of the Sirens, planning to enter a talent contest.

Children will love this book! And it would be wonderful to see it illustrated (what colorful pictures all of the characters would make as well as the ships and the academy and the sirens). I can just see a librarian surrounding by a group of children reading this book aloud and showing them the accompanying pictures. Come to think of it, your book would make a good disney movie! Best wishes on its publication and success among readers! An outstanding book for children.

Well, shiver me timbers and avast and ahoy, Captain Murderer is amongst us and he isn't getting nuns out of the habit, oh no, he's blowing them up! Thus commences one of the most anarchic and enjoyable reads I've had here on Authonomy. The dialogue is crisp and witty, the characters wonderfully larger-than-life (especially, for me, the ghoulish Dr Bruit, who knocks Dicken's Mr Bumble into a cocked hat!) and the narrative a masterpiece of knock-about fun. This gets 6 stars from me - a comedy masterpiece in the making.

Joe Kovacs
Ginger the Buddha Cat

LOVED Hiss, btw - he's like a cross between Hook's Smee and Rowling's Smeagol, but even oilier and more unctuous, lol!

CHIRG Review

Tim and Jason,

Your story leads us into a world of laughter. A place where we, robotic thinking and scheduled driven humans, can sit back and smile. Tim and Jason, you have accomplished a black comedy story for kids. And as horrible as some of the things were, I laughed until I almost cried. Anyone, young and older, should be able to identify with at least one of the characters in the story. Your character, 'Hiss', was remarkable! And Jolly Roger, we have all been him at one point in our lives. My hats off to Beatrice. :) She saw the worst in people and still was sweet and brave. A good read guys!

"And if ya other folks don't like the story, we'll threaten to keel haul um."

Sara Stinson
Finger Bones

This is a long-overdue returned read. I don't have time to give proper feedback at the moment but I enjoyed the mad energy of this and I'm surprised that it isn't on more bookshelves so I'll be backing it for a bit. Good stuff!

Not one for the squeamish. Blood, guts, and various body parts blasted around the ocean. And what a thrill Captain Murderer got with the killing of the innocent nuns.

Should life time in your long pitch be all the one word....lifetime?

I love the children. They are all unique with their own different personalities. It's easy to picture them. You present them very well.

Three and a half days wasn't actually too long for Beatrice to dig the grave. Probably take me three and a half months, so well done Beatrice.

That is a quirky way to name your chapters.

Great stuff.

Alice.

OK, Blood Brothers, I've read all that you have posted and I have no viable criticism to offer. Reading as an adult of sorts, I can't claim to know what appeals to younger kids - except Phineas and Ferb - but I think this is close to perfect. It's the close that's the problem for me. There are some spots where I (as an adult of sorts) would rewrite and fine tune and occasionally just say Oi! No! but this is so splendidly all over the place that I think my usual rules don't really apply.

So, my recommendation, for what very little it's worth, is to take this to kids direct. For example, if it was my book, I'd be asking my kid's teacher if I could read to the class. And then I might "workshop" it with them.

I'm no help at all, am I?

Sorry

Evie

Oh yes, this is brilliant. Much more fun than the Lemony Snicket ones. I'll buy it for my grandson when it comes out.
(Incidently, I live near Dotheboys Hall.)
I don't have any crit. to make. It could do with a few more commas in places I think, but couldn't we all?
I'll back it at the weekend.

Completely ridiculous! Plenty of slapstick humor and absurd characters to make fun of. I appreciate your silliness, and I expect kids would even more.
Critique-wise, the only thing I noticed was that I would drop paragraph one and start at paragraph two, which is more active. But that's just me.
Anyhow, good stuff! Please continue with the buffoonery!
Best of luck with this! And if you have any interest in children's literature, please do come visit the Lost Wink.
Thanks!
Tod
http://www.authonomy.com/books/40646/the-lost-wink/

Hello Tim and Jason,
How wonderful to get into the 18th century on the waves of ocean.
You are very strong in your plot, my imagination can well work out your characters.
You have me as fan and I am sure children will love this adventutous tension with laugher.
I wish you the best luck with it talented brothers :)
Thank you for sharing.
6 stars from us and place on our watchlist.

Hello Brothers!

This is a disgusting book. The violence and the despicable situations are horrific. I loved it.

Someone described this as delightful which only leads me to conclude that they hadn't read it - and perhaps not even the title! It's simply gross and glorious and everything a children's book should be.

I could talk about a couple of missed commas but what's the point when you've written a perfectly pitched effort. In the first four chapters I found nothing to criticise. I loved the cartoonish action, your mix of quirky characters, the fantastic names and irreverent twists - Captain Murderer instantly killing his crew was a highlight.

Your pacing is superb and the short chapter structure really keeps you reading.

I want to read all of this and I want to put it on my shelf but I have a stupid rule of backing books to the desk. Still I'll tell people about how great it is and give you six stars and promise that you'll be the book after next to grace my desk.

best of luck with it

Benedict

CHIRG Review
Hi the Brothers Quinn
This is a long overdue review of a pirates tale aboard the Jolly Bloodbath, that shivered me timbers and made me wish I only had one eye so as I could wear and eye patch
Great names with Hiss, Murderer and Beatrice Bollingbrook-Drivelington  Not to forget Sam Skulley, oh and Davey Jones who finally put to rest the meaning of Bon Appetite as I don't know! A giggle a minute tale of the water fed kids of Brakem Academy, exactly what all good schools aim to do.
A joy to read, even when cleaning ship, heads were rolling from behind barrels. Six stars and a Bon voyage for the future, see what Davey Jones makes of that one guys.
D.J
The Ghost Shirt

The Jolly Bloodbath

What a great title! There’s nothing wrong with your smart and appealing front cover either.
Both your pitches are well-written - I especially like 100 % hero free. Nuns! would make a nice addition to the list.

Chapter The First - that’s a pretty good title!

“Buccaneers” shouldn’t be followed by a semi-colon. Both parts of a sentence split by one of these must make sense in its own right. A colon would be a fine alternative.
“Captain Murderer” is a very funny name for a pirate. Made me laugh out loud. Probably not one of the good guys?
Not sure about “cutthroats” all as one word. Makes me read cuth-roats. Maybe it’s right, though.

Chapter The Second

You may know I like a good character name. Beatrice’s surname is fabulous.
“drone out the sound” is close to “drown out the sound”. I’m not sure if it’s a mistake or a pun. He doesn’t sound like he’s droning though - he’s jolly.
I’m jealous of “will make a man out of her.” That’s brilliant - wish I’d thought of it.

Chapter The Third

“quail’s eggs” should be “quails’ eggs”, unless, of course, the one quail has been busy. Same for the plover.

I really like your humour and big characters with silly names. I’d have loved this when I was younger and I enjoyed it very much today. An easy six stars.

I can’t help you with a backing at the moment although your work is just my sort of thing, I haven’t got space. If you are looking for more readers, reviews and backings, can I recommend you join our children’s reading group? Just message me and I’ll send you the link. We have a whole bunch of members ready to jump on something like this. Well done!

Lucy

I can't resist a swashbuckling pirate novel - could almost visualise Errol Flynn flying through the rigging!
The only crit for me is this - add more nautical words, reference to clove hitch's, splicing the rope, oakum , walking the plank, keel hawling etc... but having said that, I love this. AJB

ps there is a book called 'When A Canon Flogs A Dead Horse There's Devil To Pay' - Olivia A Isil - look it up on Amazon, this book explains all seafaring words

Well, shiver me timbers and avast and ahoy, Captain Murderer is amongst us and he isn't getting nuns out of the habit, oh no, he's blowing them up! Thus commences one of the most anarchic and enjoyable reads I've had here on Authonomy. The dialogue is crisp and witty, the characters wonderfully larger-than-life (especially, for me, the ghoulish Dr Bruit, who knocks Dicken's Mr Bumble into a cocked hat!) and the narrative a masterpiece of knock-about fun. This gets 6 stars from me - a comedy masterpiece in the making.

Joe Kovacs
Ginger the Buddha Cat

LOVED Hiss, btw - he's like a cross between Hook's Smee and Rowling's Smeagol, but even oilier and more unctuous, lol!

CHIRG Review

Tim and Jason,

Your story leads us into a world of laughter. A place where we, robotic thinking and scheduled driven humans, can sit back and smile. Tim and Jason, you have accomplished a black comedy story for kids. And as horrible as some of the things were, I laughed until I almost cried. Anyone, young and older, should be able to identify with at least one of the characters in the story. Your character, 'Hiss', was remarkable! And Jolly Roger, we have all been him at one point in our lives. My hats off to Beatrice. :) She saw the worst in people and still was sweet and brave. A good read guys!

"And if ya other folks don't like the story, we'll threaten to keel haul um."

Sara Stinson
Finger Bones

The Brothers Quinn - The Jolly Bloodbath
I only intended to really get stuck into a proper read next week, but I've started and actually couldn't put it down. It is rather funny. I understand why the scholars at the "Academny" had to leave, but life remains tough for them. I'm reading on, but giving you very high stars for a wonderful sibling effort in the meantime, which is till the weekend when I hope to read more ;-)
All the best on authonomy in the weeks to come.
Maretha/African Adventures of Flame, Family, Furry and Feathered Friends

Hi Tim and Jason, I read chapter 4. I wasn't sure what to expect and was pleasantly surprised, you have crafted an excellent story here. I enjoyed the subtle comedy... 'You can eat outside... with the hounds' and '... they say it's an ill wind... Who says?'. It's comedy without trying too hard, very clever. I hope to return at some point and read more backed and starred. Well Done.

Kind Regards and Best Wishes
Lenny Banks - Tide and Time: At The Rock
I would appreciate a return read if you are able to find the time.

What a wonderful tale. I can see my 9 year old grandson loving all the blood and gore. The kids are a delightful lot who find the best ways to cope with lousy lives. You should win over a bounty of readers with this delightful story!

Hi, Tim and Jason: I've read your uploaded chapters and really enjoyed them. This is a very delightful, unique pirate tale with children taking the helm of the Jolly Bloodbath! Many parts of your book are simply hilarious - even for this older reader - and I found myself laughing out loud at some of your lines.

Excellent plot that moves at a quick pace: the starving children of Brakem Academy, not really an academy but a slave hovel, eat the master's feast and then steal the boat of his brother to ride the high seas before returning to the home of one of the children.

Vivid, imaginative, well-described characters: Captain Murderer who kills nuns in a rowboat as well as his own crew for pleasure; Hiss, his assistant; Dr. Bertie Bruit, director of the 'academy' and brother to Capt. Murderer; and the precious children of Brakem Academy: Beatrice Bollingbrook-Drivelington, Jolly Roger, Katey Cross, Sam Skulley, Davy Jones, and the twins, Ronnie and Reggie.

The reader is quite anxious for the children to get away from horrible Dr. Bruit and steal the Jolly Bloodbath which they do only to be pursued by Capt. Murderer, etc. on another boat. Finally, though, the children beach the Jolly Bloodbath near the home of Beatrice's father and, as the final uploaded chapters come to an end, we see Queenie, Sea Hag ruler of the Sirens, planning to enter a talent contest.

Children will love this book! And it would be wonderful to see it illustrated (what colorful pictures all of the characters would make as well as the ships and the academy and the sirens). I can just see a librarian surrounding by a group of children reading this book aloud and showing them the accompanying pictures. Come to think of it, your book would make a good disney movie! Best wishes on its publication and success among readers! An outstanding book for children.

Would you be interested in a read swap?

Fantastic name Beatrice has! Think you need another comma after 'gloomy, crumbling...'

Love the idea of the father leaving her at that place! And not at all concerned at the promise to make a man of her. Just leaves her there. I love this... 'It's a real nightmare but you've got to laugh, haven't you.' and finding out how long it takes an 8 year old girl to dig... reminded me of the old maths questions. I'm so enjoying this. I'm watchlisting it now and will shelve it when I next change. What a breath of (foul, stinking?) fresh air.
Cariad.

What a hoot! So much blood and guts - and blasting a rowing boat full of nuns into oblivion? What dastardly deeds! Hehe. The kids I work with would love this - and so do I. Have only read the first couple of chapters and haven't found any problems - would it be 'spines' at the start, if it's people? Not important. Thought it was a great read, shall star and watchlist and come back to you when I've read a bit more.

Hello , from a fellow Pirate biographer , Strachan Gordon, author of 'A Buccaneer' , though I'm playing it straight , I enjoyed your take in the great tradition of 'Captain Pugwash' and Robert Newton . Watchlisted and starred. Hope you can take a look at the first chapter of my book, best wishes Strachan Gordon.

Hello , from a fellow Pirate biographer , Strachan Gordon, author of 'A Buccaneer' , though I'm playing it straight , I enjoyed your take in the great tradition of 'Captain Pugwash' and Robert Newton . Watchlisted and starred. Hope you can take a look at the first chapter of my book, best wishes Strachan Gordon.

great style; narrative, and dialogue makes this a very good book...
backed.
read SEASONS...

This is superb, witty, fresh. Well done. I love a good pirate book, but I really love the great ones. Your knack for characterization shines through even in this brief, opening chapter. I "opened" the book in the first place as I was utterly fascinated by the notion of the Brothers Quinn. I encourage you to make the most of such a name. There is very little here that I would suggest editing... perhaps the Captain's name (I'm partial to Mordrid and it means basically the same as his current name).

Watchlisted and highly starred!
SW