Unspoken

I don't read chicklit - it tends to make me gag. I physically threw Bridget Jones' Diary across the room after four pages, then ran after it, stamped on it and then literally tore it into bits and spat on it in the bin. Yeah, it's that visceral for me. But you, YOU, have taken the bones of that genre, the confessional, matey, talking to a best friend type narrative and clothed it with real characters, with real breathing feeling women and men who aren't ciphers and then blown air into its lungs with self-deprecating humour.
I am suffering today, a bad case of the afternoon after the night before, and so this was just THE perfect medicine. I read the whole thing, from start to finish...and that is VERY rare for me as my eyes don't do online very well.
Okay. Comments. Snags. What didn't work. The hopefully useful bit.
A few incidents read like stand-alone vignettes somehow - the hypnotherapist for some reason I can't quite put my finger on, and another bit later on, much later on which, very unhelpfully, I haven't noted down - but it's somewhere just before they meet up with her ex - cos that's the next note i made.
I was a bit suspicious of her getting the audition for the TV show Just Like That.
I felt Trudi's character needed oomphing up a bit. About half way through I re-read the synopsis and hadn't realised she was quite so major...I hadn't got a really strong impression of her and what she's like.
I also felt you needed to torture them just a bit more - rack up the stakes a bit. At the moment I'm not believing they won't make it (Lyd and Des) - I'm too relaxed somehow...they're both maybe just too sensible, too reasonable, too grown-up. But, hmm, then again, it's an age thing, isn't it? When you're twenty, it's all All or Nothing, all grand gestures and arms being flung in the air and stalking off in high dudgeon. At forty or so, people tend to be wiser. Or do they? Do they really?

Not sure how helpful this is, at all. You write a dream - you really do. I didn't snag on any of the usual grammar or wotnot. It's a smooth, accomplished read - you're obviously good at this game. :)

Like I say, if someone had told me I'd spent a Sunday afternoon reading a middle age romance, I'd have laughed them out of court. But I did and, God help me, I loved it!
Superstarred and will back when I get a chance. There's a bit of a holding pattern going on right now. :)

Ah-ha finally some funny/entertaining/enjoyable/touching- I’m running out of adjectives, chick lit. Best chick lit I’ve read here in a very VERY long time. Proper voice for the genre and the writing isn’t trying too hard to be witty, it just is. Very natural voice and bloody good fun.
Lydia is the typical heroin. Flawed yet so likeable and Des is a very good best friend creation. Perhaps he’ll end up gay or trying to get into her pants, or perhaps he’s just the really good guy that we all wish we knew, but whatever it is, the chemistry is there from the very beginning and I really enjoyed this. Wish I had time to read more.

Janny :)

This is a fun read. I'm up to Chapter 16 so far. It's smart, well-paced and cute! (I don't mean to sound trite, but it is!) Have had quite a few giggle-moments (like meeting Max Mesmero - great name! - and the giddy gushing teenagerish moment where Lydia attempts to reply to Josh Greenwood's agent and gets all finger-tied at the keyboard...).

The dialogue between the characters is really natural, I haven't stumbled over any of it and it all feels plausible.

Really enjoying Unspoken and the unfolding of Lydia and Des's story. Looking forward to reading the rest and have already given high star rating.

Kirrily
(Having & Holding Ellanor)

Lilian, I've read up to chapter 7 so far and I'm thoroughly enjoying it. I've not read much chick lit, but this 'hen lit' is perfect for someone of my age. It's so realistic, I half feel that you're writing from experience. I mean, obviously you're writing from experience, but I mean actual experience of this whole story :) The characters of Des and Trudy are perfect accompaniments to the leading lady. Lydia is worldly wise without being cynical and has all the traits I love in a genuine friend. I know that some will say you had Lyd and Des have sex too early, but I disagree, this isn't Mills and Boon, it's life for the over 40's and we don't have a formula :) You're a very talented writer, Lil, and there's a huge market for this type of novel, I'm sure it will do really well. I will definitely read to the end, but great stuff, I'm loving it. Julie xx

Lilian:

I'm not a chick-lit kind of guy, but I like to keep an open mind about things; so I decided to give your book a try. I'm glad I did. It has an interesting premise, Lydia is an engaging character (as are her friends), and the pacing of the story--what I've read of it, at least--is well done. Most important for me is the writing. Yours is an unpretentious prose employed in service of the story; it doesn't unnecessarily call attention to itself. Most important of all is that you've crafted a book that makes the reader (me) want to keep reading. And however did you get "The Action Plan" to upload like that?:)

Best,
Rob

Wow! I don't want to say much more than that for fear of spoilers. I've just sat and read your whole book from front to back. My eyeballs feel like they've been microwaved, but I just had to see what happened at the end. Great story.

You have a deft hand with dialogue, something I always struggle with, and your characterisations are sympathetic and believable. I only have one useful observation for you:

There are a number of places throughout the book where you place Lydia in particular settings, but you really don't give the reader much guidance about how those places look. For instance in Chapter 34 "a steel foundry at one time...the photos were certainly lovely." That's all very well, but I haven't seen the photos and I want to know what the place looked like! Taking some time to describe a location adds to the reader's enjoyment, it will make your story flow better, and it will increase your word count without adding anything unnecessary. Descriptive passages don't have to be flowery, but done well they add atmosphere and draw the reader in.

I have no hesitation in backing Unspoken. Good luck. Yvonne.

I'm going to start out with a secret, shh...
Simon recommended this to me, and I am beginning to think that he needs to change his avatar from that red car to an image of Jiminy Cricket. Or maybe a fairy godmother... *ponders*

Anyway, whether he knew from my style of writing, my sense of humour through our messages, or he really is some kind of magical being, he got it exactly right in recommending this to me. I love it. Usually, here, I read through two chapters at a push, but I'm at the end of Chapter Six in one sitting and if I didn't have to actually do some work today (I know, hard life) I would sit and read to the end!

You have such an easy to read, engaging style. I'm 27 years old, so reading a chick-lit romance about people in their forties was not what I expected to be so drawn in to, but I can't stop. I connect and relate to Lydia, and Des is wonderfully attractive as a rounded character.

I am pretty sure that Lydia and Des will end up together, that her targets will make her realise that Des was always there for her, and that she loves him... but the fact I am already 90% positive on where the story will end up does not bother me, I love it. I love that squishy, gooey feeling that I'm heading toward it. And let's face it, Chick lit is meant to do that.

This is wonderful, I love it. And it's going right on my shelf!

Chele

Beautifully tied with a great big lovely bow. This was such a lovely read Lilian, a feel good story with enough ups and downs to keep your readers hooked and hoping. I liked the way that we could see the truth before Lydia did, it felt rather fly on the wall. It's very well written of course and just as good as anything out in the books shops and a darned sight better than much. I wish you the very best with this as you start to submit and query. I look forward to buying my copy. Cheers - Diane

Almost, almost there. Can't wait to see what your "fingers" decide to write for the final chapter, but whatever it is it will be as perfect as the rest of the book.

xx

I've thoroughly enjoyed the first three chapters I've read this evening; it's chick lit with a difference because of the writer's voice and the depiction of characters. Lydia is a likeable MC whom the reader cares about and she is strong enough to carry the story. The writing is polished and the pace just right.

High stars and place on my bookshelf.

Maria (Georgina's Family)

Well, Lilian,

That was surprising. When I read the pitch for your book, I realised it wasn’t the kind I would start reading by choice. You probably know I only did so because you’re an old ‘virtual friend’. I didn’t mean ‘old’ in a derogatory sense, of course, but happy birthday, by the way :)

I thought I would read a chapter, but read three. The style is concrete until that point, in fact, it kind of begins in a staccato, yet faultless manner, and begins to pick up pace naturally.

I laughed out loud a few times, and especially enjoyed the hypnotist’s attempts at curing Lydia’s fear of flying.

So, I would imagine those who are attracted to the book by the pitch alone will find themselves delighted with their find!

All the best Lilian,

Martin X

The story is written in a style that flows well without stumbling. For chick lit, I prefer your narrators voice to the usual handbags and Gucci shoes at fifty paces type of read. Lydia is easy to empathize with from the get go.

With the amount of divorces in the world, there are many women who will identify with her predicament. 45ish is a particularly hard time for either sex to find themselves single, so I can imagine a male audience enjoying the read as I did. If I had a concern it would be the opening line in the pitch as you are speaking directly to the reader with the 'you'. I paused at that and wondered if maybe someone older would take it personally as not being able to identify with the premise and may not read on, thereby reducing your potential audience - just an opinion.

To get the other nits out of the way, and I apologize for my presumptions as I am no editor and therefore could be wrong. In any event, I don't know which style guide you use and if it's an in house style. When I first came to the read, the double quotes had me thinking it was American, until I reached the 'bloody' which puts it firmly the British camp. That word for me comes too soon in the dialogue and I would delete to replace with something more international, because an American may put the book down they would otherwise have bought. Again at the end of chapter 2 you have 'fifty-quid', which could easily be replaced with an empty purse. Another clue was that you had a space before and after an ellipse and American would not have a space. The only other thing that had me scratching my head was .... likely-looking courses in the first chapter. I always thought that with words ending - ly- you didn't need a hyphen. Like I say, I could be wrong, but thought it worth mentioning. I use break-in, and I'm not sure if you should do the same with broke(-)in ?

My overall impression of the read is that the dialogue is realistic. The characters are worth following, including Trudy and Dez and the story flows well keeping your attention, interspersed with just the right amount of humour.

Declan Conner, The Journey.

Hi. I've read 6 chapters so far and really enjoyed them. Your writing is easy to follow, so good i feel like i'm reading the real published article. I love chick-lit so this is right up my street. I look forward to reading more, high stars from me.
MIchelle
Long Lost

This is a cosy, warm read. Lydia feels real and natural, and I want to know her story.
I read and enjoyed much of this a while ago and have now read the whole in order to give you some crit. There is little I can fault, so the following is me being really picky:

I didn’t feel that I knew much about Lydia and Des before they were in a relationship. I think you could take the beginning more slowly and let us get to know them. Although I want Lydia to end up with Des because it is what she wants, I’m not sure that I like him for himself. I’m a little worried that you might be committing our lovely heroine to a miserable fate! Of course, this could all be part of your plan for further chapters. I found his 'good girl' and 'babe' phrases grating at times. That said, I had no problem with 'honey', so the issue may well be mine!

I didn’t like Trudi until C.25. Until this point I didn’t feel that she was a very good friend. I would have liked her to have more character before this.

I felt the ‘Alice’ incident needed more exploration to make the conflict more believable. That situation may have been enough for me to react like Lydia in my twenties, but I’m not convinced I’d buy into that so readily in my forties. Would she really give up so easily? And would Des not email/text/voice message her an explanation?

Alice and Tess both eager to be helpful? – I’m not sure. I wonder if one of these is a wasted opportunity to create some tension and dilemma?

These are just my thoughts. I tend towards gloom in literature, so I’m probably not the best judge of an upbeat, romantic tale. None of the above prevented me from enjoying your writing and your story. Your main character is sympathetic and likeable and your style is engaging, bright, witty with a sense of frankness.I would definitely read on if you had more posted.

Best Wishes,
Maisie

Hi this is a great chick lit read, love lydia and dez and how you cover there now awkward relationship. and I understand the feelings that you get looking through old teenage memory boxes all to well. I like the little secret thought of Lydia it make her more real. Great read, Allie (Loved and lost)

A smart, snappy, sassy read! Love the characters you've drawn up, very clearly defined and memorable.
Your book goes up on my WatchList and headed for my bookshelf as soon as space opens up.
Of course I'd appreciate a return read of "Tucker's Way."
Good luck.
- David Johnson

I read a few chapters a long time ago now and I am so glad that I have re-read it all. Such a lovely story and a terrible thing to do to us Lillian, leaving us hanging like this! It was easy to read, I love the characters and going to shuffle my shelf to give this a much deserved place.

Really enjoyed this, Lilian. You managed to capture the reader right away. Lydia has a great voice, humorous, not full of herself and totally natural. You managed to get the balance of everyday clumsiness which lead to comical mishaps and heartfelt sympathy for Lydia and her opinionated mind perfectly right. One wants her to succeed with her mission, feels the right amount of sympathy, but not so much for her to lose respect. The dialogs are very true to life and you are so able to get the setting just right. I personally would like to see Des better, he is a little grey in the beginning, but then I suspect you are going to colour him in later on.
I am still reading and want to congratulate you. It's excellent in every way.
Stella

Lilian, I am still smiling after reading Des coming to the rescue. I must admit he reminded me of my Neurologist (I have suspected MS) and he too has a goatee beard and he looks like a magician! Loved your writing style and it is very much the kind of book I would choose to buy. Best of luck with it - will be highly rating it!

Michelle Richardson - 43 Primrose Avenue

I have started reading this – I have added it on my WL to continue to work my way through all the books I have been recommended.
Keep up the great work!

I remember reading this before but don't know whether I commented as it was a long time ago. I love this book. It's such fun and the characters are brilliant. I giggled at the end of the hypnosis scene and I liked the sex writing scene very much. I would read all of this in book form. Has it been published yet? It should be. I love the style, the pace, everything about it. Highly starred and once I get a space on my shelf I'll back it. Thanks for a great start to my day.
Fontaine.

I've read 3 chapters and just love the MC. She's very real ! You depicted her fear of flying so well, flying on a seagull's back. Then the mention of Cary Grant and Frankie, something i can definately relate to. Not to digress but i had a young lady read my Ch 9 I mention the movie Witches of Eastwick: poor young lady had no clue! I find your book very entertaining, the dialogue and situations are so real to life.
Well done.
MC
Exposed

Hi Lilian,
This is truly a great story very well put together...After reading your pitch -which I think is very attractive-I delved into your book to have a feel of your writing style. I liked it very much. The way you play with words and the way you describe emotions and thoughts are entertaining.

I liked the dialogue parts as well, as they move the plot further with ease.
Highly starred and best wishes,
Lucette- Ten Deep Footprints

Hi, I stumbled upon your book and having read the pitch, it sounded very interesting! I've read to the end of chapter 3 and written some notes as I went along. I hope they'll help making something great even better!

Chapter 1
- Good opening sentence – creates interest for the reader
- I really like the reference to a sell-by-date, as if our lives are less worth the older we get
- You early on create a very believable and likable voice for your MC, and your subtle mention of Bob is professionally done!
- I don’t know if it’s intentional, but you change tense in ‘He always knows the right thing to say’
- I’d make it ‘(we’d) been great mates ever since’, cutting the ‘had’
- I’d actually like to know around what age Des is, if they’re close in age or not
- Ooh, I like the SMART idea!
- Tense change again in ‘Kelly’s Heroes always cracks me up’
- Not easy goals, no, haha. I did think there would be more of them, though. Maybe a couple that were actually a bit more achievable. Something to start off with. :)
- Okay, so you’ve got my attention and interest. Great start!

Chapter 2
- Tense change in ‘Being a natural slob, I’m much more at home in jogging bottoms’
- What does Max’s house look like? What kind of neighbourhood is it?
- I doubt it would be so easy for her, even in hypnosis, to enjoy a ride with a seagull. Maybe after a few minutes, when she realises that it’s not dangerous, but not as soon as they take off.
- I like how it turned out! Still afraid of flying. It’s not that easy to cure one’s fears, is it? :)

Interlude (which actually confused me a bit when I saw the title)
- More tense changes in ‘I hate Wednesdays’ and ‘Trudy and I go way back.’
- I like their relationship, and how natural you make it seem.
- Haha, ‘Ms Fair, Fat and Forty-something’. It's weird how many people DO want to see that...

Chapter 3
- Tense changes in the full first paragraph.
- Occasonal tense changes throughout, so take an extra look at the chapter.
- I like how Des is teasing with her, guys like that are great fun!

Okay, so I really like this! Your characters are highly believable and likable, her voice is lighthearted and amusing, and the whole idea of the story interests me. It's a feel-good story, the best kind, if you ask me. :)

High stars from me, and I'll get back to this when I have more time.
I'd very much appreciate a return read, if you have the time.
Thanks!

Sabina Frost
Annie Get Your Ghost

This is really entertaining. After reading the first chapter, I had to make myself my own SMART action plan. Mine has Kevin Costner in it so the Action part is not so realistic.
Anyway, this is fun. I should get this book as gifts to some of my girly friends.

R

Okay, still good, but it felt a bit rushed to me. (Ch 27)

There were a few stoppers, so I thought I’d read it with a critical eye and make some notes. Hope you don’t mind? Feel free to ignore, though.

‘Now I’m sorry’ ? Now? I’d cut that. And possibly change peruse too. Bit too stuffy for my liking.

Josh laughed and I felt stupid. I think I might be tempted to play this out, say something on the lines of ...
I could quite easily have slipped under the table and died a slow and agonising death. Maybe not that, but something similar. It feels as if you are rushing it.
OMG! She’s getting in a helicopter!

Woohoo!

I would take another look at this chapter. IMO, from what I've read so far, it's not your strongest. I think you are capable of better.

xx

Read three of your chapters. Interesting stuff and funny. Her goals are also amazing. I wonder if she will reach them?

Thank you for sharing and I hope you could take a look at my book: Return to Eternity,
Alexandra Mahanaim

Love this. But you know that. On my holding shelf for the time being. :D

You are a writer and a damn good one. Don't stop. You are real and relatable. Is your book available for purchase?

Hilary
Killing Karl

I think you are going from strength to strength with this, Lil. Another great chapter. (26)

Lillian, this is such a fun read. Flawlessly written. I just started it but I'm already up to Chapter 7 and am hooked! Top Stars!

Jane Lawry
The Genealogists: On Holy Ground
http://authonomy.com/books/44825/the-genealogists-on-holy-ground/

Chapter 6 & 7

Still loving this. Can't believe it has taken me so long to come back to it! Your characters are believable, and i really like them to be honest. Theres nothing better than a book where you cn relate to the MC, I feel like i know her ha ha.

I honestly didnt notice anything that i could give any advice on, it was tight and polished and flowed really well. I'm doing a huge edit on Limerence now that i've completed it, but when i've done the first copy i'll do some random chapters for you and see if i can be of any more help that way.

High stars- still

Kind regards

Claire C Riley
Limerence

Chapter 25,
Wow! That's a bit of a cliffhanger! I love it! Hurry up and write 26, I can't wait to find out what happens next.

First off, I'd like to thank you again for your lovely comments regarding What, the Elf. They were very much appreciated.

Admittedly, I haven't read a ton of chick lit in my time, but I thought this was a really fun story with a charming voice and a quirky sense of humor. It's very well-written and personable, and I can certainly see why it's doing so well on the site. A few of the references flew over my head here and there, and this was the first time I've heard a voice referred to as “dark brown,” but I thought you did an excellent job with this, and the first few chapters definitely left me interested in reading more.
High stars.

Mike
Arrival of the Ageless
What, the Elf?

So I sat down to read this, thinking I'd hate it. Now I sort of wish there was more of it loaded. Left us on quite a cliffhanger there...

Good work, easy reading fun.

Loved this book, light hearten, sometimes funny, sometimes surprising. This is a book that has a good story behind it and you have written it very well. You have made Lydia out to be someone that is believable and thus making the story also believable. You set up the scene which is her life very well, to be honest I could not find fault with any part of it and I have read everything you have upload. Well done I hope you do very well with it, top stars from me.

Regards Neil

Unspoken is poignant, pertinent and absolutely true. For those thinking this is gong to be all heavy duty, you will be in for a big surprise because this engaging story is tinged with bright humour throughout. It rarely gets sugary or that tearful, and never falls into that oh so over familiar cliched chick lit/romance idiom which has been done to death for the past 20 years on both the silver screen and the written word. Highly starred and will eventually hit my bookshelf when complete.

Clive Radford
Doghouse Blues

This is hilarious, so glad that I found it. Top stars!!

There was something I couldn't put my finger on..
The I did: ok:=


MiloRossi the editor:=

I read you first chapter..
And..
I'd REALLY begin with a bang:
START WITH

"Why don't you just go for it?"
"What do you mean"
"The list-why not do"
I loved the optimsim..etc..etc..(that whole paragraph)...
THEN
Stick in (the original beginning):=
It all started in October till 'He always knows the right thing to say '

THEN CONTINUE NORMALLY with

"I'll help you . We can do this.."etc.e.tc...


--------------


This way, it's read much faster..and it's intriguing right away. Like right away.
----



Nonetheless.
It then becomes intriguing.

The miloopinion.

This is my kind of book (I'm writing a chick lit novel too). I've only read the first couple of chapters but Lydia is a great character and her voice really comes through in the story - definitely important in chick lit. The list is a fantastic idea....I think we all had things like this on our lists when we were fifteen.
Best,
Melissa
'Reconnecting'

I had a tough time getting into the story from the beginning because it sort of throws the (blind) reader directly into the story. It didn't hold my attention. I was confused about who the characters were because there was no introduction that gradually added the characters into the story. I think that throwing a reader into random events and characters tends to take away meaning and purpose of the story. However, I think your technical writing skills are great as there were no grammar errors, and the sentences flowed nicely.

So different for me but so believable. I found myself wanting to read so much more. It reads so well as some books are missing that readability. Very well done. I think you may have some male supporters now.
Sean

Thank you for taking the time out to read my short story, i appreciate it very much and have taken note of your comments.

I like your informal style. It seems to be an amusing story.

I stopped at the third chapter as I have to write as well as read.

I could find nothing wrong with your writing.

I'm not into this genre as I'm basically a sci-fi writer, time travel and so on.

I thought I would try my hand at something more macabre, true life in fact.
If you read on to the end, where Helen tells her story, you will be reading facts and not fiction.

My cardiologist, who had been treating me for five years tried to "kill me by proxy" he sent me home when I was having a heart attack, so I hope he will be prosecuted as I have presented the police with the neccessary details.
This occurred after I wrote the book.

My MC is not a psychopath but a sociopath. Raped by her father, a drunk, who she pushes down the stairs after the death of her mother. She wants to hurt people, she wants to get even, she hates male dominance and man's supposed undeniable right to assault women either physically or verbally or even rape them at will.
Do you think I should hint that she is female in some way at the very start?

This was written for English speaking readers. The translation is written in a different manner, there is no way you can write English in the German fashion and be understood.

Some people like this story, others find the unnecessary deaths awful. Some were amused, some found it helpful (as research for their book).

No two writers write the same, that I have learned, and no two readers see a book with the same attitude: you can't please everybody, but you know that.

Best of luck with this.

This is great. I was swept away reading it. I read eight of your wonderful chapters and I'm begging for more.
Isn't Lydia great to attempt to do the things on her list. I reckon if anyone else came across a list like it after all that time having elapsed they would probably throw it in the bin. Of course it could become a costly endeavour if chapter one is anything to go by.

You have a nice tinge of humour dispersed throughout. You also have a nice fuzzy, feel good way to engage with the reader.

Des seems to be Lydia's rock.

Chapter 6. We had both developed an aversion to the sofa.........a very apt sentence and nicely included.

Chapter 7. No! It couldn't be research, could it?

Chapter 8. Good, it wasn't research.

I hope whatever happens whether it's good or bad that Des and Lydia will become an item. They are so suited to each other.

I have no suggestion for improvement. Your writing is flawless. All I can do is give you top stars which I will do now.

Very good luck with this. I'm sure the outcome for this story will have positive results all round.

Alice.

Oh...I so enjoyed this! I'll enjoy it even more when you post more for me to enjoy! (hint)

You've created delightful, real people that I've come to enjoy being with today. Your conversations flow easily and I love that list she's so determined to check off. Wonder what Des went home to fetch...

High stars and a hope for more...
Linda

Hey,

OMG, finally I have found a writer who writes a bit like me! Its easy to read, written as if the person is actually talking, edgy, modern and I really like it. Why do books have to be complicated? The reason we write is surely to make the reader feel involved, connected and for them to get completely wrapped up in the story.

I look forward to reading more of this. ****** + on my shelf. I hope this does well because then I know mine will.

Leesha - Abriya & Clarence Becoming Aware - The Urban Paranormal Romance.

Lilian
I have read the first four chapters and really enjoyed your book so far.
It has the feel of a very polished story. The premise is great - didn't we all have a list of what we were going to do with our lives? I think readers of a certain age will definitely be able to relate to this. And those who are fortunate enough not to have yet reached that age, will still enjoy it.
I liked the description of the hypnotist and the scene where the chivalrous Des comes crashing in to Lydia's rescue.
Great idea of having Des turn up with his 'sex scene' to edit. I laughed when Lydia discovered that 'Position Impossible' was not so impossible after all.
End of chapter four ' ... convinced I'd just lost my best friend.' I particularly like this line.

You have a really good balance of humour and pathos in this. The chapters are short and snappy. The characters and dialogue are warm and believable.
Spotted no typos and could read on for another four chapters if the family didn't need feeding.

6 well-deserved stars.

Debbie
'Speedy McCready'

Hey, Lil

This is just lovely! I have been grinning as I read the first few chapters and I thank you, most sincerely, for cheering me up this morning. You seem to have been editing too? The flow feels better than it did. All the parts fit together well.

And, I have it in mind to work on my sex scenes...

Still on my WL with an updated rating and hopefully a shelfie before too long.

XX :)

I don't read chicklit - it tends to make me gag. I physically threw Bridget Jones' Diary across the room after four pages, then ran after it, stamped on it and then literally tore it into bits and spat on it in the bin. Yeah, it's that visceral for me. But you, YOU, have taken the bones of that genre, the confessional, matey, talking to a best friend type narrative and clothed it with real characters, with real breathing feeling women and men who aren't ciphers and then blown air into its lungs with self-deprecating humour.
I am suffering today, a bad case of the afternoon after the night before, and so this was just THE perfect medicine. I read the whole thing, from start to finish...and that is VERY rare for me as my eyes don't do online very well.
Okay. Comments. Snags. What didn't work. The hopefully useful bit.
A few incidents read like stand-alone vignettes somehow - the hypnotherapist for some reason I can't quite put my finger on, and another bit later on, much later on which, very unhelpfully, I haven't noted down - but it's somewhere just before they meet up with her ex - cos that's the next note i made.
I was a bit suspicious of her getting the audition for the TV show Just Like That.
I felt Trudi's character needed oomphing up a bit. About half way through I re-read the synopsis and hadn't realised she was quite so major...I hadn't got a really strong impression of her and what she's like.
I also felt you needed to torture them just a bit more - rack up the stakes a bit. At the moment I'm not believing they won't make it (Lyd and Des) - I'm too relaxed somehow...they're both maybe just too sensible, too reasonable, too grown-up. But, hmm, then again, it's an age thing, isn't it? When you're twenty, it's all All or Nothing, all grand gestures and arms being flung in the air and stalking off in high dudgeon. At forty or so, people tend to be wiser. Or do they? Do they really?

Not sure how helpful this is, at all. You write a dream - you really do. I didn't snag on any of the usual grammar or wotnot. It's a smooth, accomplished read - you're obviously good at this game. :)

Like I say, if someone had told me I'd spent a Sunday afternoon reading a middle age romance, I'd have laughed them out of court. But I did and, God help me, I loved it!
Superstarred and will back when I get a chance. There's a bit of a holding pattern going on right now. :)

Zinged by your writing. Unique, funny, clear, and punchy. You challenge several conventional notions of writing style/structure. good for you and great job being original.

I am adding you to the Zinger list in the forum of Recommeded Books.

Best as you climb the charts. JK

I guess it would be kind of depressing to find a list of everything you wanted to do thirty years after you wrote it, only to discover you hadn’t accomplished any of it . . . and Lydia's attempt at overcoming her fear of flight didn’t go so well, did it? It was funny. Lydia and Demond are so sweet to each other. This is a fun story actually. The karaoke and storytelling groups especially sound like a lot of fun. The pitch, though, says that Lydia is 'stumbling from one disaster to another'. I didn't really notice anything disastrous happen, unless it's yet to come . . .

This is a refreshingly straightforward, highly readable book, especially for the genre of chick lit, and I'm quite sure men can enjoy it as much as women can. I haven't got far into it yet, but I can tell it's worth reading to the end.

Bill

**sigh** I love a good chic lit book.
I actually fell asleep reading this last night!
I cant offer any critique other than, why the hell isnt this in the shops yet? Its as good as any chic lit book that ive read, and i have read a lot. The characters are endearing, the plot fun and sad all at the same time and the writing is wonderful.

highly starred

Claire C Riley
Limerence

Hi Lilian,

I just read the first two chapters. The premise of the book is very interesting. I like your style of writing; it's quick-paced and flows well.
I do have a couple of suggestions:
First, everything that happens is very fast and straightforward, especially in the first chapter. As a reader, I thought it would be better if you could ease into it a little and provide a little background and characterization first, instead of stating Lydia's objective right off the bat. It would help the reader to better identify with her and understand what's going on in her life when she decides to do this. You make it clear in the first paragraph that she's experiencing separation from her husband or boyfriend, Bob, but you don't make it personal by going into any details or by mentioning it again later, so I'd kind of forgotten about it by the time I finished the second chapter. You also make it clear that she is upset that she hasn't achieved anything from her old list, but I felt like you could delve into this even more. What has she achieved instead? What does this mean to her, personally? Does she remember when she made the list - what she was doing, what was going through her mind? Going deeper could help characterize her even better at the beginning.
That's about all I have at this point, and it's just a couple of suggestions that you can use or ignore as you feel works best. Overall I really like your style of writing and the basis for your book. Keep up the good work, and best of luck with this!

Laura
Life According to the Dead