Starshy

Thank God. A real writer. This is brilliant. Backed, top rated.

This is a book which hits all the right notes for its target group. A fine achievement and very much a turn pager. Lara
A RELATIVE INVASION

Hi Evie,
Every time I try to sit down and leave you a decent comment, my life goes crazy and time slips away from me.
So, I have decided to keep the following review short and to the point.
Here goes...
I have read all that's posted here and bloody love it.
This here book be awesome.

Simon (SPW)

How often do I give 6 stars? Like, hardly ever.
Great story, great pace, impeccable writing. To be backed.

Hi Evangeline,
This is a YARG review.
Wonderful read, thank you. I know I'd continue on if you'd more chapters up, so that's a real good sign.Parallel universes, Orcs, a child not knowing they're special....what's not to like!!! It's clever , crisp and engaging. This book doesn't need any help so I just have one or two nit picks.
In your blurb, it reads 'Watch our for..' instead of watch out for....
In chapter 14, why didn't he put down his coffee cup before walking Mary Anne to her bed room? It seemed very awkward and not a normal action. And in my head the last sentence in Chapter 19 wants to read just 'He once had a sister.' No matter how many times I read aloud and quietly it seemed better with one had. There - told you they were only nit picks!! I wish you tons of luck with this. I really don't understand the system here very well, does your medal mean you got to editors desk? If so , how did you get on?

Great book! Can see why it has a medal. Look forward to reading more. Hope you can take a look at Gypsy if Vilda. I am uploading chapters today. :)

KmM

brilliant say no more

This is a great story! I've read three chapters so far and really like it. I'd love to read more as soon as I finish a couple others on my watchlist I have started. I have no negative comments you have obviously done very well in this site! I however am still trying to get someone to read and comment in my novel! So I would love you to be the first or second or even third! I just really need some support. :/ so great book and hope to hear from you. :)

Hi I am interested in reading your book. If u would take a look at my profile and synopsis for y book I would appreciate it :) I will be uploading the book soon.

I really enjoyed the firs chapter think its got me hooked well done

Dear Evangeline
I have been away for a little while and what a delight to see that you have done it. Congratulations to you. It makes a fine reading. God bless you.

I've really enjoyed reading this - I've read all of the new chapters and an eager to read more of the new draft. I really like that it wasn't magic, but I want to know more about the science. I will admit I felt a little cheated when we didn't see Boyd's initial reaction to the Twins' reveal.

One thing I would say is that I'm not sure if you need chapter 17. Chapter 16 ends so dramatically, with the reveal of the storm riders, but then they don't really come up again until chapter 18. I know there's some dialogue/explanation in chapter 17 that feels key, but I'm sure you could find another home for that, and then keep the momentum set up in chapter 16 by going straight into the action in chapter 18. Anyway, feel free to ignore if you disagree, it was just a thought.

Hi Evangeline,

What an exciting book 'Starshy' makes.

Your brilliant writing is a real inspiration.

Congratulations with getting to the Editor's desk with it.

Carol Jefferies
(A Prince Unboyed)
(Love for Lilian)
(A Kinsman's chattel)

Great sense of your character and genre. Well done.

Ms. Evangeline, I have worked with and taught teenagers for over ten years. I am always trying to find a book for kids who hate to read. I'm not a respecter of genres either. I would definitely recommend this book to any of my students. Honestly I feel like I pulled this off the shelf in the school library. The characters are reachable. So far the pacing is perfect. The short chapters are nice for impatient readers or readers with a short attention span. The story line is engaging. I'm sure you've received plenty of accolades, but this is great. superb. My husband and I wrote our first young adult novel. You definitely have talent. I would love any advice/feedback you could give our novel...Prince Eli.

Sicerely,
M. Padilla

YARG review:
From just the first chapter you can tell that this is shaping up to be an original, interesting and enjoyable story! High stars!
Abby
Sacrifice
and
The Sharpest Lives

No vampires, no nonsense. Real writing for young adults. Backed and enjoyed.
Candy

Very well written story, with fun and engaging characters. The short chapters help you glide right through the book, and offer a benchmark for remembering details easily. It's also not a chore to go back and re-read if you feel you've missed anything.

The storytelling is done with skill, and the writing is detailed but easy to read. Although they're not particularly disruptive, there are a few minor grammatical issues, but the quality of the story does however work well in making you ignore these issues in favour of enjoying this quite entertaining piece of fiction. I also enjoyed the author's playful language in both narrative and dialogue. It really helped demonstrate the culture and age of the characters, especially at the beggining of the book, and I'm sure would help in connecting to the target audience.

Punk rock Yoda would give it high stars, and so am I.

Well done.

Hi Evangeline,

YARG

Just read Ch 2 and 3, saw a couple of things which really stood out for me. Brilliant description of 'she had a smile that could stop hearts or maybe launch a fleet of aircraft carriers.' It reminds me obviously of the classical reference to Helen of Troy, which is then repeated in Ch 3. Also (and this may just be me) but there seem to be current pop-culture references weaved in, 'purple trousers on green leather' reminds me of the colours of Marvel's Hulk and 'Men in Suits' is close to Men in Black. This mix of classical and popular references gives the story a good grounding.

Using the book title 'Starshy' at the end of Ch 2 brings the reader to a good close by introducing the gig, and reinforces Boyd's feelings towards Mary Anne which we quickly assume to be a major plot-line.

Although it was a small detail I really liked Boyd's description of how he learned to knock on the door, given the trouble in hearing him. This really made it accurate and described the scene excellently without the need to paint a picture of the scene.

Hopefully I'll get round to reading more of this story!

Robert

You have written a pretty unique story here, I loved reading the fight scenes! Boyd, as the protagonist, works very nicely and the kick ass ninja girls are cool. Thoroughly enjoyed it.

So far, so good. Shame about the lack of vampires (joke!)
Very well written.
B

I must say, I look forward to continuing. I just read Ch.1. Great character development.
The paragraph that begins Anyone else her age...I think maybe you left out the word too, as in know all too well.
A great read so far, in fact, I keep forgeting to critique..lol.
This is well written stuff!

Hi Evie, I feel slightly intimidated commenting on this given its in the top spot - but I've read the first few chapters so thought I'd let you know what I think. It's defintely got me asking questions and wanting to know more and I think the wrtiing is really good. I like the way you play with descriptions, lifting mundane events into something fantastical with the language you use. You're obviously a hugely capabale writer and show case it with every sentence. My only slight thought is whether if you held back a little at times with the play on language and descriptions it might help you have even more impact at the points at which you really want to add to the drama. A question I have been told to ask myself so one I thought I would share in case it gives you a new way to read your writing.
In any case - I can see why you're up there - good luck with everything that happens next!
Kind Regards,
Caroline.

Well I can see why this is so highly rated and starred. Well written in active voice. Pulls you immediately into the story. I instantly want to ask what the heck is going on and want to read to find out. Compelling. One small critism is that I'd cut the last line "Just for a moment." I think it sounds better if we just read his heart stopped again. But other than that it read very well. Great flow and like I said earlier nice active voice, puts the reader right into the story.
Excellent
Frank

Hi,

I really, really enjoyed reading your story and will give it many stars in a second. I took quite detailed notes as I was reading because I'm in a Diploma of Writing course and have been doing workshopping. I hope they're helpful, otherwise feel free to ignore.

The title and blurb - really good and hooked me right away.

Ch. 1-3 - I like tone and writing style and the hints that there's more going on than we know (hints of fantasy elements), especially in ch. 3

I like the terms you use for people - The Vulture, Raven Red, LRG - you do it unselfconsciously and don't clutter the story with explanations or over-thinking them, but they all make sense in context. esp. the Vulture and Raven Red race in the coffee house in ch. 1 and the Wendy train going down the stairs in ch.3 - concise, effective imagery

Ch. 5 - Did you mean to reference fifty shades of ... (when Body's in the sewer)? YA readers won't have read it, but will know the title and know it's something naughty/sexual

Ch. 6 - 'Boyd's day kept getting better' - missing period

near the beginning of Ch. 7 - when he's eating at the Chinese place it says, 'Lucy and Eliss has been playing their cards too close' - do you mean Wendy?

Ch. 9 - did you mean to refer to Barrel as a ‘little big man’ (when Boyd and he are on the catwalk at the show)? A bit of a confusing image, maybe it's just me.

Good ending to ch. 10, I want to keep reading even though I told myself I would stop and go do dishes - really liked the twists and turns of the whole chapter.

Ch. 11, great sentences - ‘An odd smile, feral and frightening. She looked like she expected to enjoy this.’

End of ch. 12 - I stopped because I needed to do chores and my husband came home from work. Now I should go to bed, but I want to see what happens next.

Beginning of ch. 14 - they’ve parked the van and are walking west. It says, ‘The four of them together in a close knit group.’ - There are six characters all together in this scene, it’s a little confusing.

Ch. 14 - At Riverside Dr, cutting through the park - why does Boyd worry about a mugger targeting the twins after he’s witnessed them kicking so much ass already?

‘Good evening, ladies, gentleman’ - as they get on the floating palace (nice description) - wouldn’t it be gentlemen since there’s two males - Boyd and Barrel?

End of ch. 14 - I think the action is inconsistent - Mary Ann gets Boyd a cup of hot chocolate, then later he’s drinking coffee; it seems to say he did walk her to her room (and they’re standing outside it talking maybe), but then she’s got goosebumps and he gets her a blanket and then Eliss comes back as they were standing to leave.

Middle of ch. 15 - ‘Not today’ - missing period

I love that they’re doing a powerpoint presentation about ‘what the hell is going on’ - very funny!

Excellent, dramatic ending to ch. 16

ch.18 - I love the image of malevolent dragon-like beasts riding a storm.

ch. 18 - During fight with storm riders - ‘nothing couldn’t stop the flight of the beast’ - The double negative sounds awkward.

ch. 19 - missing period - ‘On balance, he thought, he’d rather fight an Orc’

Overall, your story has really good pacing - moments of action and tension, then slower times, calm in between. It's really engaging. Thank you for sharing.

Thank you for letting me relive my pet peeve, my wife holding on to grande coffee for hours. I most certainly can relate.
How many times have I been in a situation when I considered whether giving up my chair to someone was the right thing to do.

So far this book is real, i feel like I'm living the story.

I really liked the first bit of chapter one. I was able to get a sense of Boyd’s personality without knowing his background or even who he really is, which was kind of cool. The bit of time in the coffeehouse where he was waiting for the call was interesting and made me want to know what was going to happen next. After he leaves, however, the Vulture and the ‘emo girls’ race for the seat he was previously sitting in, this seems drawn out and unrealistic. I can’t imagine two teenage girls basically fighting with an old woman for a place to sit. I couldn’t take that part seriously; it seemed more like something you would find in a TV sitcom than a book. Unless this particular seat and/or this race/fight scene contributes to the plot, then you might want to consider taking this part out or shortening it to be more realistic and less like a battle to the death.

Chapter one definitely grabbed my attention and it was fairly well-written, even though there were a few things that I either didn’t understand or seemed like they should be reworded. For instance, as he’s leaving the coffeehouse you have these sentences: ‘When Boyd paused at the door, he realized he’d left his cup on the table. That was unforgiveable..’ Okay. Hold on. Unforgivable? Really? Did I miss something? Is there something about this that I'm for some reason just not getting? Because I'm pretty certain that leaving a basically empty coffee cup on a table at a coffeehouse is not unforgivable….

(Now I would like to go back to the two ‘emo’ girls at the start of the chapter. You may want to think about your wording a bit more. In the book they are being called ‘emo’ simply because they are wearing a lot of black/dark colors and have piercings. I don’t think it’s quite right for them to be categorized by their looks. To be able to confidently call them ‘emo’ or even ‘goth’ you would have to know more about them and their personalities. Instead of calling them emo you may want to describe the type of clothes their wearing and the way they act, which will give your readers more room to see these girls as actual people and not ‘two emo girls/cuties/chicks’.)

There were a couple sentences that didn’t seem to fit in with the sentences around them causing whichever paragraph that sentence is in to seem… disjointed.

The book sounds interesting and is written well enough that I want to continue reading. :) I wish I could read more but I don’t have time right now. I will definitely put this on my watch list and come back for more later.


~Sammi

Vivior

I just read a few comments in the forum that slam generic comments as unhelpful. So, I'll elaborate a little. I really liked your pitch. Esp. the promise of new werewolves vampires or demons (you might have added zombies, but I get the point.) You have a type-o in the the last line of the pitch - "watch ouR for Hrodhrom." Truth be told, I am a throwback sort of reader whose own favorite YA books often happen to be those written before anybody called them YA. I really believe that this is the kind of story that my daughter and her friends love (romance, cool kids etc.) so I am backing it. It is not something that I would likely buy and read myself. (I'm 47, do you care?). One small point, you used "pale' as a verb - "he paled." I know you know pale isn't a verb and you are writing in a lively, inventive style but this is the kind of thing that throws me, like people who talk about "gifting" when they mean "giving." (Throwback, remember? I worship at the altar of E.B. White). Good luck to you.

I have a fifteen-year-old daughter. I think this is just the thing for her and her reading friends.

YARG

Thought I'd return the read you gave me and so glad I did!

Wow, this is amazing! I've read to chapter 6 and have to stop for dinner but definitely want to continue to see what happens :o I love your narrator's voice. It's funny and smooth: there wasn't one moment where I stumbled. Only made a few notes on bits that I really liked because, to be honest, I kept forgetting and was just reading it like I would a new book I'd just bought:

'...until then let the old woman's bony butt suffer...' Funny

Copacetic -- what an awesome word. Yeah, I totally said it out loud a couple of times.

'Boyd had all the rhythm of a broken grandfather clock.' Again, funny :P

This really deserves its number one spot. Don't think you're in danger of slipping off but high stars from me and a backing too. Plan on reading more.

Arriane

Hello,

Firstly I have only read a few chapters and I can safely say that I am loving what I have read so far. (Can't wait to get a few moments to myself to be able to read some more.)

I do have to say that I love your style of writing which makes your novel so easy to read and I mean that in a good way.

I am interested to see where it goes and how things progress.

Erika - Jayne

When I Die - http://authonomy.com/books/50048/when-i-die/read-book/#chapter

Quality writing, an intriguing opening chapter. I will rate this highly.

This is so well written, easy to read, yet complex too. I really love the characters. It seems to me that it is perfect for the young adult audience (as well as older adults, too). Very happy to back this.

YARG

This is exceptionally well written. The details are vivid, the metaphors wonderfully phrased... I thoroughly enjoyed what I've read so far. The dialogue was realistic, and the characters relatable and likable. I absolutely LOVE the way you've phrased certain sentences. Well done!

Lily

Well I read all 19 chapters, sad to say that you don't have anything more posted. It was great though, I really enjoyed it and hope that you will be able to post some more in the future.!! Fast paced like a movie.!!

chapter 15

and into quantum physics we go. . . the string theory has always fascinated me.

Evangeline,

Finally got to your book. Sorry it took a while.

Copious cool points to you, my dear. The book is very well written and the dialogue easy to read. Action started quickly and kept me tied in. I found I sympathized with his frustration with not getting the truth. I was glued all the way and when the next page loaded and it said "End of new draft." I said,"Wait... there's ... no ... more...BOOOOO!"

Favorite section - the race to the open chair at the coffee house.
Favorite line - "A line backer with a grudge..."

There are many questions floating around in my head regarding certain lines and choice of wording or concepts etc but I know they will be answered/tied in later chapters - so I worry not :)

Chapter Six "Barrel signed, don't take this lightly..." Your style of mixing internal thought with dialogue is clear and works well throughout the book, this paragraph (for some reason) the flow was slightly off. Perhaps it was the "What?" mixed in. This, however, could just be my own brain malfunction (I tend to have many). Feel free to disregard.

I understand why this book has done well in the ratings and look forward to more. High stars for hard work and stellar prose.

Keep up the great work.
Robyn

chapter 14

those twins do seem to know a lot.

chapter 13

the plot thickens.

chapter twelve

ohhhh, exploding men.

chapter eleven

do I need to say awesome fight!! those twins kick ass.!!

chapter ten

-oh now things take an unexpected twist, nice nice!!

Chapter nine

I guess that throwing pop cans can be an effective method, I would think shaking one up and spraying would work as well.

Chapter eight

-Starting to get intense!!!!
I do like me so css, "Lets me make love and listen to death from above" one of my faves.!!!

Chapter seven

-Of course he would have to rebel and go off on his own, typical teenager. I know, I've done it myself and ended up in a butt load of trouble. Not nearly as much as Boyd I would presume.

Returned review for Tune My Heart.
The flow of words is good and keeps things going. No flaws that I could see in what I read. Easy read.
The characters are rounded well.
Several ideas in here are so very new, I would never have thought of for any book. That intrigued me to read a bit more. Such as the band of girls. The ninja skilled guitar players. The assassin end of the ninja's original background in real life, is portrayed a bit differently in here. Unique.
The plot was okay, but to me there was something that lacked or needed more. I'm not sure what it is, but something is just missing.
Anyways cool job in making the desk.
Toni [Cavern of Time]

Just a quick glance, but happy to support this fine writing.
Best wishes,
Marija

Chapter six

Is that Lord of the Rings Extended edition?

Chapter five
Sewer gross.!!! but totally believable.

Chapter four

Haha the men's way of being clean, just shake it out and spray it.!! nicely fast paced, like a movie!

Dear Evie,
I read all nineteen chapters in a day. The book moves very fast and keeps the reader interested. You write very well, and your descriptions are exceptional. However, you created so many question that you avoid to answer, intentionally I am assuming. Perhaps that is your invented mechanism to keep your readers going. I would not be surprised if your work is published sometime in the future. Good luck. Backed, though you do not need it since you reached your goal.
Maria
Midday Drawing

i enjoyed the chapter overall . The dialogue, the setting is stellar. And interesting word choice. But personally i don't think it works as a first chapter. Not enough to hook me enough to stay for the long haul, if not for your pitch. i will say this, your characters a re quite unique, and I'm interested in finding out more about them. But there was a distinct lack of conflict in your piece. A lot of things were hinted at, but only just hinted. Your first chapter is where you reel in your readers, so you have to pay your beginning special attention. For instance, it is obvious Boyd has a problem, but without you going into some detail about the stakes involved, why the Men in suits are so hateful. More showing, less telling. Also a little bit of history on Boyd's relationship to Mary Anne. Why does he consider her so special? Why like her , when he can like either of the twins? Some imagery here would be appropriate.
But overall i like your premise. And I would read more.

This is a good read, i like the portrayal of fear and sense of belonging by Boyd. Its a true reflection of modern society. Well done.

Just finished reading the first 18 chapters of Starshy straight through. If I'm not finished the other 18 tonight, I will be tomorrow. And I have one thing to say. PLEASE don't leave us hanging too long for the rest of the story.