Book Jacket

 

rank 3176
word count 126487
date submitted 23.08.2012
date updated 10.09.2012
genres: Fiction, Thriller, Science Fiction,...
classification: moderate
complete

Iacet

James Vokkon

A forgotten man slowly finds his world crumbling after escaping from a human experimentation facility.

 

Iacet, a sci-fi, adventure novel tell the story of a broken world and Rewin, a sarcastic and unstable but intelligent man and his survival. After most of the world falls into a triple dip recession, the leading governments and rulers go bankrupt. Iacet, a company formed by some of the richest businessmen in the world, are formed to bring stability and create a private state having its own laws and security forces, which they accomplish by buying land from the rulers. As Iacet go bankrupt themselves, they create a human research facility in the middle of the Nevada desert, where they perform services for those with the money. Many years later, Rewin is kidnapped by them after he is framed for murder and his prison bus disappears in the middle of a transfer. Now stuck in a living nightmare which threatens his nature, Rewin fights for his life in both mind and body, before an opportunity for escape appears right under his nose. However, stuck in a loop of paranoia and revenge and finding himself in a futuristic land he doesn’t remember, he slowly finds the remains of his world crumbling around him.

 
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tags

atomic, broken, car chase, couple, creepy, cruise, death. bomb, experimentation, flame, forest, forgotten, friend, funny, getaway, hometown, hopeful, ...

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14 comments

 

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Seringapatam wrote 117 days ago

James, When I first started reading this I thought it was going to be far too much for my pea sized brain, however, the more I read the better I felt. The way you think of the reader is brilliant. It looks as if you have read and then amended as you went along building this book. I loved it near the end and enjoyed the flow of the book and the character descriptions. Good luck.
Sean Connolly. British Army on the Rampage. (B.A.O.,R) Please consider me for a read or watch list wont you? Happy New Year. Sean

superostah wrote 117 days ago

This is one hefty piece of work here, in a good way. Although this is science fiction, it carries a detail toward characterization that many hi-sci-fi pieces lack. But the sci-fi aspects are what really pull the reader in, I believe. There's so much going on right off the bat that the reader can't help but become incredibly curious. I know I am. And you raise the stakes immediately as well, stating that your MC will die in less than 2 days. That's a fantastic way to ensure that the reader has to move forward.
Anyways, I have to read more of this, so I'm adding you to my watchlist for when I have more time. For now, high stars!

Mark Cain wrote 166 days ago

A tense, action-packed story. There is some impressive command of the language in the four chapters I read.

Oh, I liked MC, Nikki and Hut as characters, so you have done a good job with characterization.

Also, being able to write action isn't easy. You do it well. You also show some talent for description. I really didn't know you were as young as you are, but if that's so, keep writing. If you're this good now, by 30 you'll be fabulous.

I've been writing for 30 years, and yet I've never written as long a work as you have here. The discipline required to create a novel is incredible. The fact that you've written a fairly long one (first novels are usually around 100,000 words) is extremely impressive.

I know I'm rambling, but this has a good deal of potential. And you, well, you have great potential. Thank you for the opportunity to read your stuff.

Mark
HELL'S SUPER

Vokhunter wrote 209 days ago

Fifteen? Your writing is stellar for fifteen. Sure, there are things to work on here, but I'd hate for it to drag you down. At this early stage in your career, the most important thing is to keep churning it out, reading books you love, getting inspired and writing some more. So you are totally on the right track. You set the tone really well, and you establish a grim, intense situation right out of the gate. You're also very articulate, and have a good sense of what the YA audience wants -- plenty of action. You deliver that.
Best of luck with this!
Tod
The Lost Wink
http://authonomy.com/books/40646/the-lost-wink/



Thank you very much for the kind words, and I'm really happy that you think I showed promise! I'll be sure to give your book a look. Thanks again!

Tod Schneider wrote 210 days ago

Fifteen? Your writing is stellar for fifteen. Sure, there are things to work on here, but I'd hate for it to drag you down. At this early stage in your career, the most important thing is to keep churning it out, reading books you love, getting inspired and writing some more. So you are totally on the right track. You set the tone really well, and you establish a grim, intense situation right out of the gate. You're also very articulate, and have a good sense of what the YA audience wants -- plenty of action. You deliver that.
Best of luck with this!
Tod
The Lost Wink
http://authonomy.com/books/40646/the-lost-wink/

J C Michael wrote 235 days ago

Having just read your first chapter and scanned your comments my two pence worth is this;

You undeniably have a vivid imagination, and a story to tell, but in all honesty I think the former gets in the way if the later. There's so much in chapter 1 but do we need to know it all? If it is all vitally important information then slow things down a touch and weave it in, or strip it out and weave it in later. If on the other hand it isn't important then I'd be tempted to just strip it out. I note that you want to have an impactfull opening and that's why you are rattling through so much early on but rather than this pace giving the story impact it is, to my mind, just bogging it down and having the opposite effect.
There's probably a good story trying to get out here but I get the impression you've thrown everything you could think of at it when you'd be better of focusing on your more important ideas.
Having said all that I'm no expert and could be spouting a load of rubbish, but that's how I felt as a reader. By the end of chapter 1 I genuinely felt as though I'd read loads, yet the story had barely progressed.
If all that sounds overly critical I'm sorry, all I want to do is give you an opinion and if it helps you improve your work then that's great as developing your writing is the biggest benefit of this site and feedback is a big part of that.
James

PS to reply to a comment its better to hit send message than reply. That way the person to whom you are responding is more likely to see your response.

Vokhunter wrote 246 days ago

I'm sorry, but this story needs work. I can praise the obvious imagination and creativity that spawned it and I can say I think the writer has the heart for this, just seems to be lacking in a little education.

Recommendations:

First, if you have the ability to get into a college class on writing, do so. Second, sign up with these guys: http://www.critters.org/ They're a writing workshop that works on a system of required feedback, so you WILL get feed back.

You're main issue that I see is speed. This story move incredibly fast for the amount of material it has to cover. In the first chapter, every paragraph pretty much had a large amount of back story and technical information to go over, all of it told in passive writing. (Note to author: look up "active writing") The second chapter was better, but by the time I got there, I felt like the main character had said so much so quickly about so many things, I had never gotten much of a feel for his personality aside from being a source for exposition. Thus I didn't understand why he acted the way he acted towards any situation.

My immediate advice is slow down. If that means your main character has to spend a longer time in the prison, so be it, but his escape moved so fast, I could follow, but it felt like I was just being told about something that happened somewhere, not experiencing a story. Remember, you story is about your characters, not your time period, technology or world. Focus on letting us see how the characters operate and progressively, through their eyes, show us their world.



Thank you for the comments, and I see where you're coming from with the issue of the speed of the story, but I always intended for the beginning to have a very fast speed. The thing is, I put so much back-story there because I found it fitting that the main character would look back over his decisions and his time there when he has become little more than a husk. I wanted the beginning to also be quite hard hitting, to really put into perspective just how quick the events happened and how little control he had over them. If this doesn't come across clearly enough though, then that's something I definitely need to work on.

patio wrote 257 days ago

Your opening paragraph is different but interesting

I will continue reading.....

Torkuda wrote 260 days ago

I'm sorry, but this story needs work. I can praise the obvious imagination and creativity that spawned it and I can say I think the writer has the heart for this, just seems to be lacking in a little education.

Recommendations:

First, if you have the ability to get into a college class on writing, do so. Second, sign up with these guys: http://www.critters.org/ They're a writing workshop that works on a system of required feedback, so you WILL get feed back.

You're main issue that I see is speed. This story move incredibly fast for the amount of material it has to cover. In the first chapter, every paragraph pretty much had a large amount of back story and technical information to go over, all of it told in passive writing. (Note to author: look up "active writing") The second chapter was better, but by the time I got there, I felt like the main character had said so much so quickly about so many things, I had never gotten much of a feel for his personality aside from being a source for exposition. Thus I didn't understand why he acted the way he acted towards any situation.

My immediate advice is slow down. If that means your main character has to spend a longer time in the prison, so be it, but his escape moved so fast, I could follow, but it felt like I was just being told about something that happened somewhere, not experiencing a story. Remember, you story is about your characters, not your time period, technology or world. Focus on letting us see how the characters operate and progressively, through their eyes, show us their world.

Su Dan wrote 261 days ago

good writing, good book....backed...
read SEASONS...

A Nerdy Rogue wrote 263 days ago

Wow the plot is very interesting and well thought out. The characters were well written and I really found myself enjoying Rewen; he was easy to relate to because of how his flaws were shown so accurately through his mannerisms.
The descriptions were really good ad not overdone.
I found your plotline to be rather intriguing and look forward to reading more about this experimentation facility when I get more time.

high stars :)

- Bree

Adam Thurstman wrote 263 days ago

This is technically well written and the intriguing plot, outlined in the pitch, delivers as suggested. Darkly Kafkaesque in style, the writer clearly displays their intentions and skill through a plot narrative that is psychologically driven. Although this did not do it for me, it’s a case of it’s me not the writer and the genre this is for should attract a following on here in its own right. There is a real human depth that emanates from the main character too, which adds to the books over all worth. A well thought out piece.

Julie_Undead wrote 268 days ago

Wow, this is powerful. It has an amazing 1984 feel about it that I cannot resist. I will absolutely read the entirety. Your MC describes the horrors he has faced and will face in such a detached, clinical manner, but then is so believably human, crying when he is afraid, feeling sorry for the others, his friendship of a sort with Hut. The description of watching tv with his parents, seeing the missing persons report add a fantastic element of background that I hope continues in the remainder of the novel. The inventiveness of the cafeteria scene is unbelievable...the different meals for the tests, the fact that the guards are as much prisoner there as the prisoners themselves. I also like that you address the possible loophole of why the test subjects are allowed to eat together at all...he just doesn't know. Perfect. You cover all your bases.

I would definitely break these chapters up some, and some of the paragraphs within. For instance, your 2nd paragraph I would personally end with "...assured death." New paragraph start with "Even though..." I would single out the line "With any luck..." and start a new paragraph with "Out of the corner of my eye..." I also feel as though your second paragraph has more impact than your opening one, and you may be able to switch them without much backlash. It's just so powerful.

I have you on my watchlist waiting for a spot on my bookshelf. It is much deserved. 5 stars, and I am a big fan.

KMac23 wrote 269 days ago

A very gripping, suspenseful tale to be sure. It gave me a sick feeling of wanting to escape as I read through your story! I think you've done very well creating an intensity in the reader and keeping the story moving at a very good pace. Your characters were believable, and I felt for Rewin and wanted him out of this place. It would be very interesting to see what happens afterwards to both Nikki and him. You left a lot of great hooks and riveting action. It always shows up as 4 stars for anonymity on the site in the beginning, but I gave you 6 stars for this! Very well done!

Kara
A Gate Called Beautiful

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