Book Jacket

 

rank 352
word count 18365
date submitted 24.08.2012
date updated 14.03.2013
genres: Fiction, Literary Fiction, Comedy, ...
classification: moderate
incomplete

In a Cat's Eye

Kevin Bergeron

When a young woman is found dead in a locked room, three friends search for a missing figurine--and find a killer.

 

The Morpheum: a small hotel located on the edge of society. When the heroin-induced death of a young woman in her locked room is ruled a misadventure, three friends—a mentally limited young man at loose ends, a retired military officer, and the victim’s cat—follow a twisted trail of clues in search of a missing figurine.

The Colonel--formerly a top-level undercover operative--emerges from retirement to head the investigation. His young friend Willy casts a dragnet over The Morpheum, interviewing a rogues gallery of eccentric suspects. The victim’s cat Mr. Winkley enters and exits locked rooms, evading Elsie the landlady as he prowls the dark corridors of The Morpheum in search of his lost mistress.

Evidence that seems to incriminate Willy shocks the Colonel into an unresponsive catatonic state. With his mentor now out of commission, Willy puzzles over the curious circumstances of the missing figurine and Mr. Winkley’s mysterious comings and goings, and finds a connection that makes the seemingly impossible crime possible. Evidence points to the door of a fearsome and seductive killer, whom Willy must confront and defeat in order to avenge his friend Nancy’s death and restore the Colonel’s confidence.


 
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tags

character centered, crime noir, crime-noir, fiction, humor, mystery, offbeat

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51 comments

 

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Tornbridge wrote 6 days ago

In a Cat’s Eye by Kevin Bergeron

It’s always nice to stumble on a gem and I have to say this is rather good fun. It plays out like, well, a stage play with a lovely balance of story development and wit.
It cracks along pretty quickly and the dialog and characterisations are well drawn.

By chapter five, I was really quite engrossed. I knew from the pitch what was going to happen and thought the build up was very well done.

This get’s five stars from me. Well worth a read.

Best of luck with it
Tornbridge
The Washington Adventure

I’m pretty rubbish at spotting these but one correction I noticed.
“I guess. You don’t want (to) burn your soup.”

Lauren Grey wrote 25 days ago

Kevin, your book came recommended to me by Cherry on my, I’m Looking...thread

This was a first-rate read. I found your writing, narrative and dialogue, to flow in a most realistic manner and the unhurried pacing was perfect, further enhancing the subtle dry humour throughout. The character of Willy did confuse me initially as I thought he was much older in the opening. However, by the time I got to chapter seven I was totally engaged with his very distinctive personality, brilliantly done in how you slowly revealed this multilayered character to the reader.

I loved the revelation about Stanley in chapter seven; this really adds another dimension to the already well-developed storyline further hooking the reader, well done.

There was only one line I stumbled over, and that was in chapter five, ‘It appears to me as how you are very interested in that statue...’ This sentence doesn’t read right to me. I think perhaps needs rewording or a word was dropped in editing?

All in all, this is a most enjoyable read, and I am so glad that I popped in to have a look. Very well done and high stars.

Janet/Helen wrote 30 days ago

In a Cat's Eye. Chapters 6 to 11.

Thoroughly enjoyed chapters 6 to 11 and really got drawn into the mystery of Nancy's death over the last four chapters. It is the case that you express things a little oddly at times - but I believe this is part of the humour that comes off the pages so well. No errors that I could see. Let me know if you download more. In any event, will back in the future when I have some room. Janet

Janet/Helen
The Stranger In My Life

Lara wrote 30 days ago

Cherry recommended this expecting me to like it, and indeed I do so far. I think you could work on your language - i.e. the way you express things - but the dialogue and visualised scenes are convincing. Good characterisation.
Hope to read more at some point. Well done. Rosalind
A RELATIVE INVASION

Michelle Richardson wrote 30 days ago

In a Cat's Eye - There was something very current about this but at the same time it could be set in the past. It reminded me of Breakfast at Tiffany's for this, which I really love. Sharp use of words and a thoroughly likeable read.
Michelle-43 Primrose Avenue

Janet/Helen wrote 31 days ago

In a Cat's Eye. Chapters 1 to 6.

This has cheered me up no end this morning. Recommended by CherryG - I love the humour and the way it's written. The characters, the storyline, the settings - eveything works for me. No errors that I could see. I have problems with internet access at the moment so have only read up to 6 but will return tomorrow to read to 11. In the meantime 6 stars and onto my watchlist for backing when I can. Janet

Janet/Helen
The Stranger In My Life

Cherry G. wrote 32 days ago

Read all you have uploaded here and I'm left wondering what will happen at the party. Are you going to upload more chapters, or will I have to wait until it's published as an ebook? Please let me know when it's published as I will certainly buy it.
Great characters, with convincing atmosphere and dialogue, this is full of humour, mystery and down on luck hardship. I enjoyed reading it so much, I've given it 6 stars. I have a backlog with books on my shelf, so won't be able to back it for a few weeks yet, but I hope to have it on my shelf by June.(Apologies for the delay.)
Just one typo I noticed, in Chapter 1 when Elsie is talking:
"...and she('s) only twenty-one."
Good luck with publication and sales. It deserves to do well.
Cherry
The Girl from Ithaca
PS. I like the title!

Nichola Hunter wrote 42 days ago

It's easy to see why this book has been selected for publication. It reads very well...the humor is dry and the writing flows like honey. I love the sparse yet detailed observations of the narrator and the matter of fact way he presents the story. It makes for an extremely comfortable read, if that makes any sense. It's nice to see such a polished work here. I look forward to reading the whole thing when it becomes available as an ebook. Bravo for excellent writing!


Nichola(Victoria) Hunter
Ramadan Sky

djchorus wrote 57 days ago

When I read your long pitch, I thought I detected some tongue-in-cheek and wasn't disappointed when I read your book. You've done nicely something that is not easy, conveying rather hard hitting, harsh events with a brush stroke of dark humor, perhaps even irreverence. Some might be turned off by the style, but others will love it.
Good for you!
Up on my Watch List and headed for my Bookshelf soon.
-David Johnson
"Tucker's Way"

Su Dan wrote 64 days ago

your simple, straight narrative voice is a breath of fresh air- it flows and gives your story a real edge and quality...great work...
backed...
six stars******
read SEASONS...

gingerknucklehairs wrote 72 days ago

This is a very humorous read.
Willy's paranoia and his attitude about Francisine brought many smiles to my face.
Chapter three could have got very complicated with the amount of characters all talking at once, but you've managed to keep it clear and at the same time creating the chaotic images of the situation in my head.
I knew from the beginning that I was going to like this. I know these type of accomadations and the characters that live in them.
Some of the flow at the beginning seemed a bit jerky and could be ironed out.
I didn't spot any typos and found it well edited.
High stars for making me chuckle. I will back this and read some more. I want to know more about the dead body. I won't be able to shelve it for a couple of weeks, but I definitely will. I've added it to my watch list, so I can't forget.
Take care, Jes.x

carol jefferies wrote 80 days ago

Hi Kevin,

I just read the first three chapters of your book 'In Cat's Eye,' and was drawn to read it by your pitch.

The story has a dramatic opening with the mention of someone's death.

The setting of the hotel 'The Morpheum,' which seems to offer accommodation for losers is well painted, as are the characters you write about, especially Elise, Stanley, Howie and Stanley.

It took me a while to realize that Mr Winkly was in fact, a cat. I don't know if that was intentional but it was a good idea.

The dialogue is brilliant and from the start it captures the undercurrent of emotions between the characters.

I like your tongue-in-cheek writing style.

Willy's character is gradually revealed to the reader, and he comes across as a street-wise, sly character but with mainly good intentions if they don't interfere with his own needs.

Well done and I am backing your book,

Carol Jefferies
(Love for Lilian)

Nigel Fields wrote 92 days ago

Kevin,

I enjoyed your first chapter. Fantastic opening line! Love it. I enjoyed your approach to beginning this story, the dry humour is refreshingly good. In a Cat's Eye, a snappy title. Good pitches.
Nit: "You don't want burn your soap." I'm guessing you mean 'to burn'?? Maybe it's a phrase I'm simply unaware of. I'll try to pop back for more of a read soon.
Regards,
John Campbell (A Lark Ascending)

Kevin Bergeron wrote 92 days ago

In A Cat's Eye. Kevin Bergeron. 14/02/2013

Hi Kevin,
This is the first time I have read and completed in depth notes on a complete MS. I think we exchanged comments, comments on comments and played with ideas for both stories for about a month. Perhaps this is the ultimate in the Authonomy process. For me it allowed, and sometimes forced me to justify what I had written and quite a few times accept that things were not as I deduced. I learnt a lot and would gladly go through the process again.

I believe that you are on the verge of having your story 'take off.' It's so satisfying to read something which departs from the popular car chase, gory murder, erotic relationships and the usual razzmatazz. You have, for me, combined a number of realistic characters who represent a vulnerable underclass which many people will never meet. I suppose this reflects the number of people one has come into contact with over a period of years. The off-beat characters and their environment hover around, Ken Kesey's 'One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest,' Charles Bukowski's world and sad backgrounds described by Graham Greene. As I remarked once before, I see them all in some unpainted visual by Edward Hopper.

Most important are that your characters are such that each one has the potential to raise tension and introduce conflict; not in the usual confrontational way but in everyday behaviour such as 'That's my chair you're sitting in; You said this/that; the really simple everyday events that we all experience and sometimes end up as full blown problems. Your MC, Willy, at times gives us a great depth and understanding of his world which begs the question, 'Who's crazy?' But your main achievement is the 'fantasy' portrayal of Mr Winkley who is – a cat! Not just any old cat but one who is sometimes friendly, sometimes aggressive and has a way of passing on messages/hints to those he wants to. This combination of harsh reality and fantasy is terrific, simple and offers infinite potential.

I've already remarked on ways which I think can progress and develop the story so will not repeat what we have discussed over the past four weeks. It's obvious to me now that although there is a lot to be said for reading just the first few chapters and commenting, to find someone who is prepared and committed to a whole MS is invaluable and probably a rare occurrence.

Last of all Kevin, thanks for all the work you have put into reading and commenting on my book, from the comma, apostrophe and spelling to long discussion on complex issues and inconsistencies relating to chronology and...

Chris. Sorting it Out.



Chris,

Your comment is one of the most gratifying I received, particularly because it homes in on the very things that I intend the book to convey to the reader; the concepts, characters, and atmosphere came through to you. This can only happen when both the writer and the reader contribute their efforts. Sometimes I like to believe that I write for myself, and that a book has a purpose and life of its own apart from the reader. But really, it only lives when somebody's reading it. You're the only reader so far that has mentioned the thematic idea of "who's crazy," which for me is one the major themes in the story.

I agree that the second half of the book is not as strong as the first half, and I'm working on that now. I also agree with your comment that Willy needs to be more proactive. I'm putting him in more danger, so that he is forced to make decisions, take actions, and learn some lessons from his experience. You observed that the characters are sometimes inconsistent in their speech and behavior, and that indicates that they are still being developed. Bringing this process to a conclusion will, as you say, probably add about 10,000 words to the book, which would probably be a welcome addition since the book is now at minimum length for a novel. I really need to pin down these characters. The truth is that I don't fully know them myself, not yet anyway. The MC is particularly difficult in this way. There is an inconsistency in his character that may stretch the reader's "willing suspension of disbelief" past the breaking point. I'm still getting to know him.

Kevin

InquireTheOrigin wrote 93 days ago

You know, it's funny. I find stories like these to give me a tear and a serious page turn. I really adore the play of words and the simple suspense in the first chapter. Not too much, not too little. This has become an absolute favorite. I really do enjoy the characters, I feel they've become personal. Very personal...
I love the humor and consideration between the characters. It has a sense of charm. I like the flow, it's really smooth and it comes across as a great read. Your choice of words and visuals are creative.

Best Of Wishes
A.D. Reid

wekabird3 wrote 100 days ago

In A Cat's Eye. Kevin Bergeron. 14/02/2013

Hi Kevin,
This is the first time I have read and completed in depth notes on a complete MS. I think we exchanged comments, comments on comments and played with ideas for both stories for about a month. Perhaps this is the ultimate in the Authonomy process. For me it allowed, and sometimes forced me to justify what I had written and quite a few times accept that things were not as I deduced. I learnt a lot and would gladly go through the process again.

I believe that you are on the verge of having your story 'take off.' It's so satisfying to read something which departs from the popular car chase, gory murder, erotic relationships and the usual razzmatazz. You have, for me, combined a number of realistic characters who represent a vulnerable underclass which many people will never meet. I suppose this reflects the number of people one has come into contact with over a period of years. The off-beat characters and their environment hover around, Ken Kesey's 'One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest,' Charles Bukowski's world and sad backgrounds described by Graham Greene. As I remarked once before, I see them all in some unpainted visual by Edward Hopper.

Most important are that your characters are such that each one has the potential to raise tension and introduce conflict; not in the usual confrontational way but in everyday behaviour such as 'That's my chair you're sitting in; You said this/that; the really simple everyday events that we all experience and sometimes end up as full blown problems. Your MC, Willy, at times gives us a great depth and understanding of his world which begs the question, 'Who's crazy?' But your main achievement is the 'fantasy' portrayal of Mr Winkley who is – a cat! Not just any old cat but one who is sometimes friendly, sometimes aggressive and has a way of passing on messages/hints to those he wants to. This combination of harsh reality and fantasy is terrific, simple and offers infinite potential.

I've already remarked on ways which I think can progress and develop the story so will not repeat what we have discussed over the past four weeks. It's obvious to me now that although there is a lot to be said for reading just the first few chapters and commenting, to find someone who is prepared and committed to a whole MS is invaluable and probably a rare occurrence.

Last of all Kevin, thanks for all the work you have put into reading and commenting on my book, from the comma, apostrophe and spelling to long discussion on complex issues and inconsistencies relating to chronology and...

Chris. Sorting it Out.

wekabird3 wrote 121 days ago

Feedback 2. 23/01/13.

Hi Kevin,
Carrying on from last feedback. Just for info, the UK correct terminology is 'Learning Difficulties-Social model,' or 'Learning Disability, medical model.'
LP. I notice you have worked on this. Am still unsure regarding the 'investigation.' I'm assuming there would be some kind of enquiry, either Coroners Office or Police or both. Maybe the Colonel has doubts about the findings and could take it on himself to make his own investigation...something like that.
However, in relation to the SP/LP they are mainly to satisfy requirements of Authonomy. (In my opinion they can be a useful tool in making the author locate/focus the story). But it's the story that is important. The SP/LP has the role of attracting the potential reader.
I still think the last para of your LP is great.

Chapter 3. (Your writing is polished so mainly I will offer suggestions as to tightening the story up).
1). I know that Willy is speaking but the sentence 'She unlocked the three locks etc. Three things:
a). Maybe, she freed the locks etc.
b). Maybe, replace the first AND with a comma. 'the three locks, opened the door.
c). Would she ask 'who's there?' before freeing the locks?

2). 'The truth is...' I like this sentence because it shows that Willy has positive mental attributes.
3). Practical Issue here. It would take longer than 10 minutes to remove hinges, find somewhere to work on door, deepen rebates etc. However, as we discussed before, this 10 minutes may be Willy's immediate response. Just a point. As an afterthought, the reader should be able to work out the latter so maybe ignore. There is a lot of depth in this story. I feel that I ought to write out a profile of Willy and pin it behind my screen.

4). I note the Thunderbird. I used to drink it. And Night Train, and settled brasso. All cheapo stuff. (In the UK).

5). Your depiction of the characters is simple and allows me to visualise and, to some extent, understand them.

6). Cat's in my room. (I thought Francine had taken him to her room?).

Chapter 4.
1). I wonder how many people recognise the truth/reality regarding 'the hanging of the coat?'

2). When Willy picked up the table were the glasses and dishes on it?

3). The observation regarding the Bluebird? Fantastic.

Chapter 5.
'Mr Wrinkley went to sleep.. Maybe try for an smoother link to the next para. Where the words Mr Wrinkley was in the hall, meowing. I had to read it twice. Maybe something to do with the tenses. IT'S locked vs Mr Wrinkley WAS.

Kevin. It's obvious that you have polished this up to a high standard and I'm not going to find many examples of how to suggest improvements – which is great.
In my opinion you have captured the general conditions both physical and mental of the downbeat characters and of where they live. Your prose comes over as 'beautiful descriptions.' Maybe more so if the reader has' met' some of those characters. I visualise a kind of 'Hopper' canvas.
It really stands out (at present) that Willy has another intelligent/observational side to him. How he uses this will unfold.

I am more than happy to carry on with this as I find it captivating.

Having said that, I will put it on my bookshelf.

Chris. Sorting it Out.

Andrew Esposito wrote 127 days ago

In a Cat's Eye is mystery full of quirky, interesting characters. I really liked the 'chatty' dialogue, written clearly and stamped with the character's personality. It has a Nathaniel West ring to me, with a setting that is reminiscent of a bygone era. I liked Willy and I liked the how the reader learns more about the principle characters from various conversations of the 'residents'. The over-all feel of the plot to me was one of sadness. The story is full of broken people with ailments and flaws, trying to cope with life or trying to promote an outlook that is false to bolster self-esteem. Francine is one tragic example. Willy fits a now long tradition of flawed characters with redemptive traits crafted by writers like Steinbeck and Salinger. Kevin, I think a lot of thought and planning has been undertaken to create an engaging storyline that is simplistic on the surface, yet deep with social issues. I've rated In a Cat's Eye highly with stars and I wish you much success. Best regards, Andrew Esposito / Killing Paradise

Seringapatam wrote 127 days ago

Kevin. This is excellent. I would just write a book about characters if I was you...You have a brilliant descriptive voice and the way you chose to describe the depth of these characters at a time when you wanted to get the reader even more involved is genious and will serve you proud in whatever book you write. I loved this style of writing and give this full marks. I could get lost in this book anytime. So well done.
Sean Connolly. British Army on the Rampage. (B.A.O.R). Please consider me for a read or watch list wont you. Happy New Year. Sean

wekabird3 wrote 127 days ago

In A Cat's Eye. By Kevin Bergeron. 17/01/13.

Hi Kevin, As one ex-machinist/toolmaker said to the other...Anything I note you can take with a pinch of salt. For me, it's about being able to improve the story/book. So, here goes.

SP. Okay.

LP.
1). Location on the edge of society. That statement gets me thinking. Although not a physical description it could be anywhere in/around the town or city. Gives the reader lots of imaginative scope.
2). 'Three friends, a mentally challenged...' I used to have lots of contact with social services and the super-political correct language jars with me. It's like describing an obese person as being horizontally challenged etc. (just MY opinion).
3). At the moment I am unsure about the reason for the 'investigation.'
4). I like the last para. This is, for me, the draw.

Chapter1.
1). What do you mean by nice?
2). What are a 'lot' of friends?
3). 'Legs down for her...' (a little jarring here. Maybe: to suit her/comfort or something.).
4). 'and furry slippers..' (Maybe: knees: feet stuffed into furry slippers..)
5). You use 'always' twice in para 2.
6). Maybe do a frequency count on WAS words.
7). 'I fixed the rabbit ears?' Don't know what that means. (UK).
8). Maybe when using the second FIX, try another word.
9). Same with SAT.
10). AH! Apologies. I have reached para beginning: 'I never liked Roy..' I can now see and recognise Willy therefore many of the above comments are inappropriate because this is the way Willy thinks and speaks.. I should have remembered the LP info. However, I will leave the above comments because it has taken me this far to recognise the individual styles of your characters.
11). I like the way he returns to the soup.

Okay. Having read this chapter, I believe you have the words used by the speakers, spot on. You are writing as people speak which is great so, I'll go to chapter 2 and probably a lot less comments as I now see what the book's style is. Finally, at this point I have a great empathy with Willy and Elsie.

Chapter 2.
1). 'Some guy tried to jump me...' Good introduction to one aspect of Willy's mental state (paranoia).
2). 'I headed back...' Another great para re his mental state. Both the above paras create an vision of pathos.

I'm going to stop here Kevin because this may be the kind of feedback you don't want. (I only get about one in five return reads and sometimes no acknowledgement at all).
Now, after reading previous comments left by readers, I notice you have plenty of positive feedback so I will try not to duplicate.
I think your depiction of Willy is first class, especially so if the reader is close to someone like Willy. I would definitely read on because somewhere along the line his 'other mental abilities' are going to 'complete the man.' This obviously raises questions regarding who is mentally unstable and who isn't and lots of other issues relating to human behaviour. Interesting.

Hope this is useful,

Chris. Sorting it Out.

Michael Matula wrote 134 days ago

Excellently done. A great, understated sense of humor, and a really likeable, quirky protagonist. I laughed out loud a few times in the first two chapters, and there was some terrific, zippy dialogue on display in the scene with Willy and Elsie. I also loved the exchange with Willy and Mr. Winkley, although I'm still trying to decide if I'm just really clueless, or if I wasn't supposed to know that Mr. Winkley was actually a cat. (Looking at the Long Pitch, I'm a bit concerned it's the former.)

I didn't have many critiques to mention, as the writing seemed very clean and polished to me. Two lines in the opening paragraph (“The Morpheum was a nice hotel.” and “I had a lot of friends there.”) didn't quite grab me right off the bat. I wanted a bit more from them, though this is probably just personal preference, and other readers will likely feel differently. Also, after he leaves in chapter 2, I felt like some of his actions--like wandering around town, and getting knocked into the river--were a bit too rushed. This could be fine, as it seems to be for comedic effect (and I did find it funny that he gets dumped into the river so casually), but I did wonder a bit why some details were included if they were being glossed over.

Overall, I thought this was a really fun book so far, and a pleasure to read.
High stars.

Mike
Arrival of the Ageless
What, the Elf?

CATHERINE SHAW wrote 137 days ago

This is a wonderful piece of work. Reading on, I find I need to know what happens next, as it is so gripping. Hope you get it published. xx

Thomassino wrote 159 days ago

I read this style a long time ago, it's a little vague, short on description and you spring Stanley on us as if we know him already, and then we find out about the cat.

It took some time to get used to your style and I think that after a little polishing here and there and a few additions for clarity this could turn out to be a real head slapper - a good mystery, in other words.

Best of luck with this.

Sneaky Long wrote 164 days ago

Hey Kevin,
I like your story so far. You have described your characters and environment very well. I can see everything; a good thing. Because Nancy seems the most innocent among the crew; she has to be the one to die. But you describe her so well and make her so vulnerable; I DON'T WANT HER TO DIE! But then we have to have a story, don't we? You captured my interest and kept it. Good job!

Nit-pics First paragraph, ..."some us who'd..." should be "some of us who'd" you wrote "Willy, has Roy..." You should drop 'Willy" since it is Willy talking. You wrote "I figured that Nancy felt..." Don't need 'that'. You wrote, "... trouble with one arm that he didn't..." Perhaps consider dropping 'that' and replace with semi-colon. "...trouble with one arm; he didn't... I am a 'that' addict and tend to overuse it. Perhaps, when you next edit, you might consider if you need as many 'thats' as you have. The next paragraph is a good example; you write "I'll tell that Roy he had better stay away from her if he knows what's good for him," I said. I never did like that Roy. Perhaps instead, "I'll tell Roy he had better stay away from her if he knows what's good for him." I never did like Roy. (That's all I'm going to say about "that".)

You write in the third chapter, "...the hinges and receipts I told you about." Are you speaking to the reader? If you are, you should delete it. We are watching the story. We don't know that you know we are here and we shouldn't.

I thought the end of chapter 3 was a little lame. You might want to make it more realistic. Nancy has already agreed the door is fine, so when Willy says "Right now?" Nancy only has to respond, "Give me a few minutes to freshen up." or she might want to give a time "Give me ten minutes."

These are suggestions. You have a good story brewing. I know Nancy is going to get killed but I hate it. She's nice and I wish I could get to know her better.

For now, high stars and watch list. Good luck with your story.

Sneaky Long

Jane Mauret wrote 165 days ago

Hello, Kevin
I read the whole of this book after seeing it promoted in the Site Blog.
It is the only time I have read a whole book here and I have to say I did not want it to end.
I loved the voice of Willy which was mesmerizing and innocent all at once.
I liken this writing to stories by Ruth Rendell that are not out and out murders as per Inspector Wexford.
She often writes like this, where inner self-talk leads the narrative.
Like her, you have produced a slightly off-centre character, whose thinking is sometimes skewed, but they have a goal and they are going to achieve it, no matter what.
I could picture all the eccentric characters very vividly via your expert use of a few words and their dialogue (so plenty of showing over telling).
I can't understand why there are not more backers; how can we get word out!
I did not notice any grammar or punctuation issues which is great, as often good writing is spoilt by sloppy presentation.
I hope you are now writing a further book and I look forward to the opportunity of reading it.
Thanks and bye for now.
Jane Mauret
I CAN LAUGH - NOW!

Stark Silvercoin wrote 167 days ago

In a Cat's Eye is an amazingly well-told, old fashion mystery with lots of modern pizzazz and flair making it anything but old in style. What can be more classic than a locked room puzzle? How about adding in some quirky main characters who step up to the plate when the police refuse to act? Did I mention that one of this motley crew is a cat?

In truth, author Kevin Bergeron has added several dark and serious moments in the story, but these are punctuated with a sort of dry humor that brings everything back to an even keel. There is great balance in the book, so the reader is able to follow the crescendos of the story quite naturally, just like real life.

Characterization is key with any story, and probably more so in mysteries, with readers wanting to be amazed by the detective. Only here, we don’t have a Sherlock Holmes, we have some well-fleshed out characters with serious character flaws. This is a more modern way to tell a story, and today’s readers will readily identify with it.

The only suggestion I might have is to add more period detail to give the setting as much flavor as the characters. In this way, the setting and the time frame can become almost like a character of its own. I know this is supposed to be the 60’s, but I got a much older feel when I read it. Your chosen time-frame works just fine, but bring forward more details about it up-front, like an episode of Dragnet or Adam-12 would do, so readers don’t craft a different look of The Morpheum in their minds only to have to rebuild it a bit later.

Mystery books with quirky characters are white hot right now, and In a Cat’s Eye is as good as anything I’ve pulled off the shelf recently. I wouldn’t be surprised if Bergeron is able to capitalize on the pending success of this novel to carve out a niche of eccentric not-quite-mysteries in the future. I think once Cat’s Eye is published, that would be a workable plan for this talented newcomer.

John Breeden II
Old Number Seven

patio wrote 181 days ago

We watched TV with the sound off...giggles

But seriously, this is a sad but beautiful story with a brilliant opening chapter. I was hooked from the start.

Max stars but still reading

levielm wrote 187 days ago

Kevin, I give. Stuck in the great short sentences that pack a punch with the ability to draw characterization a of people and scenes. At first, I balked at the style and voice, but on repeat readings, I find your style vaguely reminiscent of Hemingway.

Much of your mastery in building a story lies in your ability to give readers the stark and simple effect of words and sentences built on a straight and simple platform. You show skill in descriptions of scene and character. Your dialogue usage is stellar, maybe at time a bit much for me, but hey, it's your story.

Other writers should take note of how you build sentences.... Note, no superfluous, crafty, over-the-top, flowered, noun-zapping adjectives or verb-killing adverbs.

Nicely done. I am adding you to my Zinger list in the Recommend a manuscript forum. JK.

Sharda D wrote 188 days ago

Hi Kevin,
A return read for your support of ‘Outsiders’. Thanks again.

I liked your pitch, but perhaps a few more paragraph breaks wouldn’t go amiss. It also seems to give too much away, perhaps a shorter pitch which just teases the reader to open the book, rather than one which summarises too much of the plot.

I like the narrative voice, a convincingly deep POV and a very likeable main character in Willy.

I love Elsie! What a great character. I could really hear her voice and see her too.

Fantastic dialogue throughout. I read the first three chps. But I felt it was slightly too dialogue-heavy. Some more description of the settings would be good (in the wonderful voice of your main character, Willy, everything seen through his eyes would really add something). Also felt you needed a few more smells, sounds etc, to help to draw your reader into your world.

A wonderfully written story, Kevin, I really enjoyed this and will keep it on my WL for further reading. Will also think about a future backing when I have some more space on my shelf.
6 stars from me.
Sharda.


Mr Echols wrote 190 days ago

My Dear Kevin,

I've backed this story for some time, and I think it's high time I came clean on why! My apologies for writing this so late - I wanted to wait until I had enough time to do the story justice.

What can I compliment that hasn't been said already? A sleepy, laconic tone? Check. Elements of detective noir and, as KayChristina notes, a whiff of Tennessee Williams, or Harper Lee? Check. Clever mentally challenged POV which hides some facts from us in plain sight? Check, and check.

I think, at its heart, this is a very sad story. It's almost as if there is no real mystery to be solved - and everyone in the Morpheum knows it, but they allow Willy to conduct his 'investigation' almost as part of his grieving process. That does not mean I didn't smile and chuckle frequently while reading In a Cat's Eye. Your wry, offbeat selection of down and out lodgers all had charming and distinctive voices, who argue, as we all do, about the strangest and pettiest things.

But all these fine words don't really help unless I can give you some useful critique. I think there are a number of 'tension points' in the narrative that aren't followed to their maximum potential - more left as fraying loose ends. The first are the nasty scenes of Willy almost burning the cat's eye out with the cigarette, and his sense of guilt making him believe he is the murderer. This is never manipulated by others or forced to any form of crisis. The second is Willy falling under Roy's spell, and acting as his lackey for a while. It seemed Willy never did anything truly terrible, or was forced into making an uncomfortable decisions for Roy or against him - Roy's influence just seemed to peter out. Similarly, I was expecting an excruciating grilling at the hands of the police officer - but Willy seems to be let off the hook almost immediately. I feel that these three elements have the potential to be combined into a real edge of your seat third arc - which would make Willy's maturation and peace of mind at the end of the story all the sweeter if he has to struggle just a little more to get there.

So good luck with this fine story sir - I'll be backing you all the way to the editor's desk.

Regards,
Gitano Dragonetti

Andrea Taylor wrote 200 days ago

This was mesmerising from the start. Dialogue really good and the descriptions were lightly but expertly handled. Can't see why this shouldn't make the ED! I have put it on my bookshelf. Good luck with it.

c.carrig wrote 203 days ago

I have read the first chapter of your work. I enjoyed the voice used, it creates a familiarity with the protagonist that allows you to invest in what they say and feel.

You obviously have genuine talent and I enjoyed reading the opening of this slightly gothy thriller!

dlfowlernovels wrote 204 days ago

Great story, great characters, great writing. You have obviously worked hard at your craft. 6 stars!

ShirleyGrace wrote 210 days ago

Kevin:
Poverty...near hopelessness...survival...escape. I like the way you share your characters. I could 'see' the landlady sitting there in her chair giving advice. I like the way the cat takes almost human qualities. I kept getting the feeling I was watching a play. It's true down to earth writing with a lot of grit. High stars from me and more later.
Shirley Grace
The Devil's Stepchild

John Philip wrote 211 days ago

I do not have time to read the complete book right now but I certainly hope to return to it later ,as it is the kind of story I like to see through to the end. Meanwhile I have contented myself with dipping into the story, to see if the style and momentum are maintained and, as far as I am concerned, it passes both tests. You have a good writing style, with just the right amount of dialogue. Not too much descriptive stuff which tends to slow down a work of this genre. Altogether a well rounded and well thought through piece of writing.
John Philip

findingbooks wrote 211 days ago

Hi,

I am the Executive Editor of ROMAN Books www.roman-books.co.uk . We are interested to consider your novel for publication. If you are interested, please contact us by e-mail at response@roman-books.co.uk.

Thanks!

Kindest regards,
SUMAN CHAKRABORTY.

jenniedavidson wrote 216 days ago

Hello Kevin,
The characters in this story have a strong realism to them that pulls the readers into their lives. They are erratic, strange, a different kind of people and I so love that. It's their personalities that make the story, which by the way you nailed. I absolutely LOVE Mr. Winkley. Elsie, the landlady seems strangely familiar...hmm. A different kind of world written in a one of a kind voice. I will read more when i have time but so far... a great story. I can't wait to see what happens next.
Thanks for writing.
Jennie

Kaychristina wrote 217 days ago

Kevin, I haven't read anything like this - ever. It's extraordinary, addictive storytelling. Willy's voice is just mesmerizing in its simplicity, its truth - even if he does tell the odd little ol' white lie to Elsie, and who can blame him fooling Howie? As for Nancy, who can blame the boy?

Humor and pathos, and now, by chapter 6, heartbreak. Yet readers, I think, will be so immersed in the lives of all these characters who live on the fringes of society, they'll fight, along with Willy, to find the rotten core among them. You've planted some clues, maybe some red herrings, and planted them well.

A few minor nitpicks thus far, hardly worth mentioning... I wasn't sure if Stanley runs the diner or is the one working there. And Roy... I guess I'll find out where he fits in - or not. I also felt this was more *Depression Era* than '69, not that it matters. I think it's because it has the sheer class of those earlier writers all over it - yet it has a style all its own that'll appeal so much to today's readers. It's such a great story, and of course I have more to read - up to 6/7 at the moment..

Your style - not even a style, because I think your writing comes simply from the heart, is what it is, is utterly unique. I am put in mind of a Tennessee Williams, even Harper Lee. Kind of a Streetcar Named Desire at this Morpheum Hotel, but with characters far more diverse, larger than life and yet, strangely real. You have, too, that ever-fascinating puzzle of a crime, here a body, in a locked room. You also have a body we know and care about, one who always wanted to see a bluebird. Above all, you have Mr. Winkley, and I love him.

A certain Mrs. Winkley from next door has just come to purr her approval...so I must away for now. And all I can do is give six stars to this superb book of yours, and a place on my shelf shortly.

Kay Christine
(The Ragged Yellow Ribbon)

Abby Vandiver wrote 218 days ago

Congrats on being on the One to Watch blog. This is nicely written (and I love the length of the chapter). The dialogue is good. It tells a lot about your characters. I like the voice it's written in reminds me of Joe Friday. Good job.

Abby

boskolon wrote 225 days ago

Very fluent writing,excellent dialog. Wish I could offer some constructive crits but your writing is too good for me. Don't wait for H-C to pick up your story. Start submiting it to other publishers. It has potential.

bdl

Kenneth Edward Lim wrote 237 days ago

Kevin,
You cobble your characters together from the ranks of the underprivileged and come up with a briliant detective story, like building a motorized vehicle from salvaged parts. Your Sherlock Holmes is an ex-con, your Dr. Watson a retired soldier whose mind is going, the victim a factory worker, the villain - well, I won't give away that part. You use mundane aspects of a fleabag hotel setting as building blocks for your plot. Your wording is simple and clear in both narrative and dialogue based on the undereducated mind of your protagonist using his first person POV. Thank you so much for the intriguing read.

Kenneth Edward Lim
The North Korean

N J wrote 239 days ago

Hi, Kevin

I've been reading whilst at work, not an easy task, but that's life!

Love the 'voice' in this - Willy is an excellent character. Up to chapter five and I'm merrily moving along with it. I'll come back with some more meaningful comments when I'm done (might be a while:))

Technically, I couldn't see any problems. Flows well. Quite slow moving for a thriller but I don't think it detracts from the story, at all. I'm actually enjoying getting to know the characters.

I'll be back.
Neil

BeaconCityTourist wrote 240 days ago

Kevin

Excellent opening chapter. I particularly like stories that really draw out the characters mannerisms and characteristics. You do this very well. The writing is paced perfectly. Not too much info but enough to keep us reading. For me this is how a good story should start. I didn't feel bombarded with back story or description or prose. Just simple but very effective writing. I'm interested to find out more about Willy and Roy. I imagine Willy to be far from the nice and easy going person we meet in the opening chapter. Or at least I hope so!

The only line that jarred with me in chapter 1 was 'casued enough trouble with on arm that he didn't need another.'

Maybe you could change to '...there was no reason to feel sorry for Roy. He'd casued so much trouble with one arm he didn't need another one.'

Don't worry I won't look for royalties if you decide to use it :-)

The good news is I've been looking for a good read like this to add to my shelf so I'm happy to back you.

Will return for further reading when I get a chance.

Good luck!!

Eddie
Broken Up, Breaking Down.

Shelby Z. wrote 247 days ago

In a Cat's Eye by Kevin Bergeron.
Very creative writing. You have a unique style and pulled the reader into your story.
The flow and development of the plot is very well paced. Also Your characters become real as the book moves along. The plot real does start to thicken from the start. You lay your layers very well to set the foundation for your settings and plot.
Good work you have a good talent for writing and mystery.

Shelby Z./Driving Winds

P.S. Please read my pirate adventure Driving Winds.

rikasworld wrote 257 days ago

I really like the laconic style of this. It reads very much like Steinbeck - Cannery Row I think. Sorry, I see you are getting compared with all sorts of other writers - they are good writers though so it's a compliment.
I like the deadbeat but vaguely amiable feel to this. Didn't realise about Mr Winkley until ch. 2 though I did wonder why he climbed in Nancy's window, I thought perhaps it had to do with the door sticking. Funny! You have an attractive cast of characters. I enjoyed Howie and the hinge money.
High stars from me.

Colin Neville wrote 264 days ago

I liked the ways things are revealed slowly to us, the reader/observer, as if we have just come on the scene and are piecing together the lives of others around us. There is a 'Carson McCullers' feel about this book, although the author has his own distinct voice, and the McCullers theme as chronicler of the isolation of social misfits is certainly to be found in this work.

The novel catches life and social mores in a small US town, and in particular the lives of the residents of a down-at-heel hotel. I particularly liked the way this work highlights the foibles and personalities of its residents: the feisty, irrascible, but essentially decent landlady, Elsie; the insecurities of the young main character, Willy; and the faded grandeur of the Colonel. Their personalities are revealed in subtle ways - through Elsie's direct ways; the Colonel's formal speech patterns; and Willy showing off his strength to Nancy (c4), and his response to 'Mr Winkley', Nancy's cat - as eccentric as the other characters.

This is essentially a novel that focuses on character, although Nancy's death gives an edge and direction to the work. Dialogue is excellent. The short chapters encourage online reading.

I was initially thrown by the encounter Willy has (ch. 2) with the guy in town. "... I didn't like the way he said it...I figured he was planning to jump me. I smacked him and he pushed me into the river', and had to read it a few times, and later in the context of Willy's one-sided 'conversation' with the cat, to make sense of it - and interpret it as part of Willy's impulsiveness and bravado. I thought the period: late 1960s could have been brought out more in the story than it was through the use of period detail, e.g. what was showing on the television; sounds of contemporary music, and so on.

This is not a book to be rushed, as it reveals itself slowly by degrees, but it is certainly worth the effort. The writing is subtle and interesting; the characters well-observed and very real.

Colin Neville

Mommy Lynn wrote 268 days ago

Kevin,

Sorry I didn't post my comments yesterday. Authonomy was giving me trouble.

Anyway, I read chapters one and two, and thought the premise was intriguing. I loved the voice of your narrator. It's like the voice of a narrator in an old, black and white, detective movie; and it pulled me right into the story.

Now, your writing style is very different from mine, but I did have some thoughts for you while I was reading.

Chapter 1:

- Paragraph 2, sentences 2&3: These two sentences each have two separate thoughts that don't seem to flow well when connected. I would perhaps reconstruct the two sentences into three or four sentences.

- I think "but" would read better than "and" in the last sentence of paragraph 2.

- Just a personal preference, but I would use "usual chair" instead of "the chair I always sat in" to tighten the sentence a bit.

Chapter 2:

- Paragraph 2: One of the main crits I get is when I use one word multiple times in a sentence. For example, the first sentence has three "I"s in it. The third one can be eliminated. It does nothing to strengthen the sentence.

- OK, here's my harshest crit: Chapter 2 just feels flat to me. It feels like an account rather than part of a story - a lot of telling instead of showing. At this point I'm wondering if it's even needed or if you've just placed it there to pass the time. If it is needed, then I would expand on the guy jumping him - put some action in there.

Overall, I think you've got a good start to an interesting story.

Lynn
Surviving Sunset

Patricia Laster wrote 271 days ago

...just checking back to make sure your fantastic book is moving in the right direction! all looks good so far!
......(\/)
.....( . .)
..c( ")( ")

Julie_Undead wrote 273 days ago

This is just so classically written, reminds me of Frank Norris. The ease of conversation, the simple and clean introduction of characters, the measured way the MC speaks, is all reminiscent of a vintage mystery novel. This is mystery at its best, smooth and perfectly paced. 6 stars, and my compliments to you on a stunning piece of work that awaits my bookshelf.

Patricia Laster wrote 273 days ago

oooooh, this is such a sweet, sad, sad story! It starts off light and funny and a bit offbeat and is written beautifully. As a reader, I especially enjoy character-driven novels and this one is delightful.

The story is based on the residents of the Morpheum, a small, slightly seedy hotel. Elsie is the landlady and her brother, Stanley, runs a diner nearby. The key characters are Willie, Nancy, the Colonel, Mr. Winkley, and Stanley. Sadly, Nancy is murdered (I was hoping she had just run away) and Willy, along with Colonel, another resident, search for the Virgin Mary statue missing from Nancy's room.

Stanley seems like a strange person at first, a stalker, and the reader suspects him of the murder. But it turns out that Stanley is a friend and it's Roy, the one-armed suspected drug dealer, who killed Nancy. Willy discovers who the murderer is with the help of the Colonel and Mr. Winkley who pushes open a loose panel showing them how the killer get away.

I adore Mr. Winkley, the one-eyed cat, although he is a bit fearsome, and laughed out loud at Howie and Francine and Gladys when I first read about them. Your plot moves along smoothly and has some really interesting twists that leave the reader with a lot of questions: was Nancy addicted to drugs? How did Stanley figure into the fire? How did the Colonel know Stanley's secret? Did Roy have anything to do with Nancy's death? Roy is a very suitable villian and his involvement with Nancy was quite a mystery until it was discovered that he was the murderer.

This is one of the most delightful, suspense-filled, captivating mysteries that I've read in a long time. Although it ended so sadly with Willy building the birdhouse to put beside of Nancy's grave, it was well worth the read. I've no suggestions because I didn't see any flaws. I loved your characters, your plot had amazing twists (which I like), and your dialogue was natural and authentic. Outstanding work and you have my very best wishes for publication and the success of your book.

Sincerely,
Patricia Laster
Breaking Free

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