Promise You'll Remember

I loved the prologue/intro. It was a brilliant hook.
It was weird but I thought at the start it was a woman MC, then I realised it was a man! Anyway, my idiocy aside, this is going along nicely. The dialogue is fine, the storyline is interesting and your writing is smooth. My only suggestion is to 'tighten it up' a bit. There are many words and phrases used when one could do. It needs a good edit, really, being brutal and slashing out bits but it is worth looking at because your writing is good and there is no reason why this cant get published. High stars!
Andrea
the de Amerley Affair

I loved the prologue/intro. It was a brilliant hook.
It was weird but I thought at the start it was a woman MC, then I realised it was a man! Anyway, my idiocy aside, this is going along nicely. The dialogue is fine, the storyline is interesting and your writing is smooth. My only suggestion is to 'tighten it up' a bit. There are many words and phrases used when one could do. It needs a good edit, really, being brutal and slashing out bits but it is worth looking at because your writing is good and there is no reason why this cant get published. High stars!
Andrea
the de Amerley Affair

Hi Kori,
I have read six chapters. You have a good story going here. I wish you much success. I have written down a couple of things that may help. Use what you want and delete the rest.
Chapter One
* The disappointment in his voice was enough to know that if I looked at him, I would (see) it there too.
Perhaps it would work better if you wrote something about hearing the disappointment here.
* I turned my head in the general direction, it (was) her on the other side of the room
* and maybe make up an excuse why I was staring at (hr) -- her
Chapter Two
* see through my eyes (to) easily. -- too
* "Dean, I don't..." (I held my hand up to stop him.) -- I believe the sentence in parenthesis
* On second (though), I needed to get out of his incredulous scrutiny. -- thought
Chapter Three
* As (a) grappled with words that wouldn't come, I knew calling -- (I)
* I knew calling (has) not been the smartest thing -- had
* I guess I never let myself, to be honest. -- I believe it should be (had never)

Caller ID in America -- On a land line the person's name will come up on the phone if they have not made it private. Now, a cell number will not show up, but a (a house phone) or land line will name the person.

* Chapter 5 and 6 are the same.

I am stopping here. I glanced at some of the later chapters. I am so curious to know how this is going to turn out with the way all of Dean's past relationships have gone. Your writing is clear and your characters are strong. Some mystery mixed with a love story. Great Job. I will return to read more. High stars!
Sara Stinson
Finger Bones

Hi Kori,

You've labelled this as a romance but is there anything else you could add? Even just "fiction"? I say this because Romance can put some readers off yet your pitch and opening hint at something more, that things turn sour and that this isn't just another love story.
As for your opening I think it's a clever way to get the readers attention, particularly for those who like a bit of a mystery. The opening is intriguing and allows you to move on with your story with that in the background as a hook. That's not to say there aren't other hooks, but this acts as a great backup of the reader is less engaged by the romance elements.
The mystery deepens (perhaps tag it as a mystery?) with Kate's willingness to get close so quickly, and her need for a lawyer that is mentioned in chapter 3. There are also hints toward your MC's state of mind after his failed relationship, again leading us to wonder how this will develop to the point covered in your opening.
Just a couple of logistical points; did Max know Kate as a client when she came into the coffee shop? And ignore her so as not to identify her as a client? If he did know her I would have expected some indication of recognition. Just a minor thing though and possibly I've missread something. Secondly, caller ID. in the UK caller ID will give a number but only a name if you have that persons number stored. Is this different in the States? Also, if Kate tracked him down this way what was the relevance of her bumping into Max at the coffee shop? I just think this short paragraph needs a little tweak.
Overall this is well written and even though it is a romance I think you've been smart with your prologue and the little touches that hint at more. There's a good sense of realism about your characters and dialogue and I genuinely hope this does well for you. Feel free to drop me a message if anything I've said seems a bit odd as I'll happily amend my post if need be.
Best wishes,
James

PS I'll award you a fair few stars tomorrow, the damn phone doesn't seem to register them!