The Hidden Stage

This book is so well written I just sat back and went along for the ride. I love the tight plot and vivid details. I'm very impressed and look forward to coming back for more.

The website is very cool as well--love the animation!

Wonderful. Well written and captivating. Backed with pleasure
Abel Kane
The Alchemists' Cookbook

Fabulous book - excellent writing - wonderful plot. Should be getting much more attention. Have given it to many 10-13 year olds - they all loved it.

This is a great story! Why isn't it in the top five? Come on everyone. Let's get him in the top five! I'm backing this book.

This is a great story! Why isn't it in the top five? Come on everyone. Let's get him in the top five! I'm backing this book.

Another comment from an eleven year old!
What i like about the story is that there is someone called Alex in it and it is funny and interesting. i think you could improve the story by adding just a little bit more action into it. I think the story gets going quite quik and that is good.
iI think the 'blurb' is good and tells you alot about the story. My friends would like this book because it is a mistery story and thats what my friends like. Overall i think the story was great and i love it.
mario

AI2(aged eleven) wrote:
This book has a good storyline, although some parts could be better. i have only read the first chapter but i would like to read on. It could be made better by making the opening quicker. It was a long time before we actually got into the story. if you change some parts i would mark The Hidden Stage 10/10. So as you can see I highly praise your book. And i hope you get it published. Good luck

From a child this age, this is real praise.

Hi, apologies for delay but very glad I'm finally here. Good story, had me hooked right from chapter 2 (chapter 1 still wouldn't open) to the end of chpater 7. All your characters are cool, Alex is a typical teenager! I can see nothing to correct, the writing flows well and I didn't trip up over any passages. A really great story that I'm thoroughly enjoying.

Hi, apologies for delay but very glad I'm finally here. Good story, had me hooked right from chapter 2 (chapter 1 still wouldn't open) to the end of chpater 7. All your characters are cool, Alex is a typical teenager! I can see nothing to correct, the writing flows well and I didn't trip up over any passages. A really great story that I'm thoroughly enjoying.

Dear John, You do both the school and the theatre very well, and your imaginative updating of the Cinderella story is not only fun but touching. I also like Alex and the supporting cast: even the minor characters are distinctive (I’m reminded of Dickens). You would have a fine book even without the supernatural element. With it, your book is quite special.

I admire how you maintain Alex’s point of view while writing precise, vivid description not even a precocious thirteen year old would be capable of. I think you manage that partly by blending words and phrases he would use with those he hasn’t learned yet. You’re also doing something else, which is harder to describe, but it’s almost as if the narrator is an older Alex reflecting on his early adolescence. In any event, you’ve found a way of writing for a younger audience without talking down to it.

“Alright” in Chapter 4 should be “all right,” but aside for that minor slip the prose is impeccable. Maybe it’s just me, but the title doesn’t seem to do justice to the book. I understand it: the “hidden” element is the supernatural, and “stage” of course evokes the theater. But the title doesn’t begin to convey how exciting the story is. (Maybe you need an adjective that evokes the supernatural more than “hidden” does.)

I’ve enjoyed the brief discussion of gargoyles in your prologue. I’m surrounded by them here in New York City, but I never tire of them. The joke about the pigeons, which I’m also surrounded by, is clever and funny.

Your book is on my shelf. Maria

Hello John,

Good title, cover and blurb. All the power play on the bus is realisitc, with the jockeying for a superiour postion and the fear of seeming foolish. And the tales of the haunted theatre - lots of them are allegedy haunted, so your story rings true.

Use the postivie voice - instead of 'never failed', change to always. It makes the sentence stronger.

Love your description of Cinderalla. You overuse adjectives. I'd suggest you cut - both hand ( hands is plural therefore it's both hands. Cut to his horror - the following sentense is stronger without horror.

But very good and I'm sure many will identify with this.

On my watch list.

Joanna

Hi John, It's been on my watchlist since my first few weeks at Authonomy and I'd shelved it then but kept it to watch because I wanted to read more carefully the the second half. I still like the sturdy style and think it's probably very readable for the young audience. Lasers and poltergeists, that all was as technically neat as the stage. You maintained the protagonist's personality without stealing the stage from your other characters. I thought I would shelve it again.

Hi John.
I thought this was very well written, you captured Alex's extreme embarrassment especially well. The prologue had a nicely menacing touch and your descriptions of the kids on the bus were great. I would definitely read more of this given the time, I really want to know how Alex copes after the play!
Just a couple of nitpicks:
Prologue: 'in days of fear from natural disasters and unnatural ones..' fear *of* natural disasters?
Ch1: 'they found him..' this makes it sound as if the actor was alone when he tripped. When they reached him?
'medusa-like..' I love this description of Celeste's hair but I would cut 'like'.
Ch 2: 'pushing past the flabby arm of Ms Zubansky..' past Ms Zubansky's flabby arm?
That's it, I didn't see any other glitches. I'm shelving this, John, because I would read on if I had the time.
Best of luck with it,
Cas.

Hi John. What a cool book for kids to read. You do a great job setting atmosphere right from the beginning that is suitably ominous. I also like the pacing as you establish the characters and setup the first sighting of the ghost. Also, your references to Shakespeare are great, especially for a book aimed at young readers as it may make them want to read his work as well. All-in-all a good read.

What a great idea - I really like your set up here and your characters.
This is really well written and I had no trouble getting into the story.
Re what you've said below about Alex, could you introduce a bully who picks on him - not a big character but just enough? Someone who is maybe really cool and good-looking with a crowd of followers but who is really mean? This might help children to empathise with Alex and feel a bit sorry for him, especially if you make the bully easy to hate. And bullying is something we all come across...just a thought.
But I really enjoyed this and it's on my shelf ;-)
Good luck with it!
Best wishes,
Annabelle
(Aelaide Short)

Very good point about introducing a new bully, and that's just what happens as Alex gets his comeuppance in chapter 3 and he is replaced by Luis.

What a great idea - I really like your set up here and your characters.
This is really well written and I had no trouble getting into the story.
Re what you've said below about Alex, could you introduce a bully who picks on him - not a big character but just enough? Someone who is maybe really cool and good-looking with a crowd of followers but who is really mean? This might help children to empathise with Alex and feel a bit sorry for him, especially if you make the bully easy to hate. And bullying is something we all come across...just a thought.
But I really enjoyed this and it's on my shelf ;-)
Good luck with it!
Best wishes,
Annabelle
(Aelaide Short)

Cheers John,
Yes it's sensational, yes, it's compelling, and yes, it's well written. I will put this exception novel on my shelf in the next day or two. Congratulations, J.

This is really an interesting challenge for books like The Hidden Stage. The point of the book is to take a truly unsympathetic character, one who in this case is trapped inside his anger and his own popularity - essentially the kid that many of us "bookish" types hated in school - and take him on a journey that ultimately humanizes him and sets us all free. The tactic I took on this was to supercharge the plot, keep things moving quickly, and provide signposts in the beginning that set the context of why our hated hero, Alex, is so angry and ugly. (The trick is getting those in there without turning Alex into an "Artemis Fowl" - evil but cute. Alex needs to be a true prat in the beginning, or the through line falls apart.)

I'd love any thoughts on how to address this here without going to the classic, "baby-hero's-parents-have-just-been-killed-and-now-he-must-fend-for-himself-in-a-cruel-world," option. ;)

I've come back and re-read this with my kids and they were divided. Here's the stuff they agreed on:

The pace was really good - their attention never wandered.
The scenes were really well set - they could picture everything.
It was pretty darned (I'm trying to write in American) exciting - especially the whole swinging-off-the-rope bit. That was truly gripping.

The divisive issue was... character. Neither of them warmed to Alex. They didn't really like any of them - not Alex, not his friends, not the girls, certainly not the teacher whose name now escapes me. I think they were hoping Alex was going to get mauled when he fell off the rope. I suspect that's a bit of slightly younger British kids intimidated by the tough, slightly unsympathetic American character (the sense of place comes over really well, by the way). They were waiting for him to get his just deserts. Which helped keep their interest, but I'm not entirely sure it's the kind of reaction that'll carry the average reader through the story.

Me, I like the kid. I'm putting the book on the shelf!

SW

I've come back and re-read this with my kids and they were divided. Here's the stuff they agreed on:

The pace was really good - their attention never wandered.
The scenes were really well set - they could picture everything.
It was pretty darned (I'm trying to write in American) exciting - especially the whole swinging-off-the-rope bit. That was truly gripping.

The divisive issue was... character. Neither of them warmed to Alex. They didn't really like any of them - not Alex, not his friends, not the girls, certainly not the teacher whose name now escapes me. I think they were hoping Alex was going to get mauled when he fell off the rope. I suspect that's a bit of slightly younger British kids intimidated by the tough, slightly unsympathetic American character (the sense of place comes over really well, by the way). They were waiting for him to get his just deserts. Which helped keep their interest, but I'm not entirely sure it's the kind of reaction that'll carry the average reader through the story.

Me, I like the kid. I'm putting the book on the shelf!

SW

John,

Chapter 2 comments here.
There is good action and tension in this chapter and you leave us with a good hook, better, in fact, than the previous chapter.
I feel you could trim a bit. Some of the descriptions of the action later in the chapter were a bit elaborate for my liking. I alsway feel that action scenes are best kept simple. If you start to describe the character's every step, an action scene gets bogged in description and becomes hard to understand. I'd look over those scenes and try to trim as much as you can.
Sometimes I still think Alex's view of the world is too mature. I very much doubt that he would think of the man who interrupts him eating the food as 'middle aged'. I don't think a kid Alex's age would know what 'middle-aged' is anyway. To them, anyone over 16 is old.

John,

Chapter 1 comments:
I found the writing here smoother than in the prologue, probably because there is action and dialogue.
I really like the idea for this novel.
I think you could stay closer in Alex's POV. In this chapter, he has a number of thoughts, about his own appearance, about the pimples on his friend's face, that just don't seem to be written from the POV of a boy like him. Instead, we find the narrative taking a step back and seeing Alex and his friends through an objectively coloured lens, almost in omniscient POV. I'm saying this because I feel it detracts from the 'voice' of the writing, which is really important in all books, but even more so in books for younger readers. You either decide to tell the story as an omniscient narrator, or you tell the story from the character's viewpoint in the character's voice, but it doesn't work for me if you alternate.
I liked it how Alex enjoyed the play, but seeing your blurb, I was wondering if you've gone far enough in this chapter? I read there are meant to be ghosts in this story and I think the play, or at any rate before the end of chapter 1, is the place to let the reader know that something weird is going on. Without this clear indication, I'm feeling that chapter 1 ends a little too tame.

John,

Comments on the prologue here.
You set a good scene. I love the feel of ominous threat. I love the gargoyles.
Writing could be tidied up. The last sentence of the first paragraph makes no logical sense. It readsplain clunky to me. You use 'that' twice, and although I can glean the meaning of the sentence from the previous sentences, I just don't know what it means.
Second paragraph: 'the stone bodies' - whose bodies? Do you mean the gargoyles?
Third paragraph: 'had got in' is rather clunky. Had got in what? Into the city? Into the church? The previous paragraphs gave no indication of a threat ever having existed. I presume the gargoyles were standing guard, as they traditionally do. But this is a kids book, and kids don't know what gargoyles are for. I'd be a little bit more clear about their function.
'No one left.... that' - No one is a person. That is for things - who is for people. There was no one left who... Even if you change that, the sentence sounds elaborate to me. A suggestion? People could no longer hear a gargoyle's scream of alarm. A re-wronding like this would also hget rid of the There was/ There is repetition in the last two sentences.

Well, this is excellent. Very polished. Makes me wonder why it's here, as it's clearly been published already - but hey, it puts a high bar up for everyone else to try to clear. Superb pace, intriguingly accessible characters and just a good, fast read. Highly entertaining.

Hi John. A cheerful suspense. Superb. You do well to italicize the slang since the narrative is a little older than the characters. The older narrative adds to the mysteriuos mood and is a good choice. the dialogue fits the age perfectly and adds to plot development without slowing down the story. The spooky reputation of the theatre creates a plesant contrast wtih the carefree children's play. An outstanding children's story. Your writing smoothly whips the reader up. You spring the reader full speed into a mystery with well developed subplots right off the bat. It's alive. I placed you on my shelf and good luck. Janet Marie

Hi John,

I just read chapter one and never once thought about stopping. :-)

Very funny how you start out with the boys having to bear a Cinderella play, and then Alex turns out to live like Cinderella with his evil step-mother and step-sisters. Very clever.

You wash over the crucial moment though in Alex's character development. We know he has a troubled home life and has turned into a loud, rough kid, able to stare down his friends and enemies. So far the three hooligans have been fairly harmless bullies, but when Carl picks on Will and Tyrone pushes him, things change. Alex joins in and gives him the "stare" of contempt. How does he feel that moment? Does it give him a sense of power and importance to humiliate a weaker boy? Does he have an evil streak or is he just a boy who seeks attention because he doesn't get any at home?

I'd drop the parantheses around "annoying", breaks the flow.

You slip out of Alex's and into the "ancient man's" pov: Instead of being
startled by the boy's rudeness, the old man gave him a strange look, seizing
him up."

Loved how Alex got stuck between the people he most liked and then even got
mesmerized by the Godfairy. Lovely. Great ending hook with Celeste watching
him and trouble ahead.

Very well done, goes on my book shelf!

Cheers,
Edith

Hi John,
Wonderful prologue. The living gargoyles remind of Terry Pratchett, but the tone of your story is very different. I'll watchlist your book and come back for more.
Edith (Found Guilty)

Lovely beginning. I especially liked how you transitioned Alex's discomfort to his real appreciation of the play, how as an audience member you suddenly forget where you are and who is sitting next to you. I remember this happening to me when seeing "The Importance of Being Ernest" for the first time.

John, I just took a peek at HIDDEN STAGE. I love the book cover. I wondered if this is targeted to a young adult audience.

Read this from start to finish and enjoyed every moment of the journey. Felt sorry when I reached the end, for I didn't want to say farewell to all those likable characters.

Dang! What a great book! Loved every second. It's been a while since I've been on the edge of my seat.

Kudos, and I will add this to my watchlist...soon to be bookshelf!

Great

John, Excellent read. From the moment I opened the first page I was hooked! Well written, captivating and compelling. I read it in 2 days (would have kept with it, but had to sleep at some point:)! I read a lot of tween books ( Artemis Fowl, The Lightening Thief, InkHeart, Harry Potter etc..) for fun and this certainly tops my list of favs! Solid Character development, descriptive, great imagination and a topic that is intriguing.

I loved the ending. Here is what I took from it and hope that every teenager who reads this take from it as well -- we are only held to the imaginary bonds that we place on ourselves in life and in death, what a concept.

"Remember, all the world's a stage."

-- Thank you for taking the time to write this.

John,
Loved the prologue (and I nearly always skip those). Read nearly the entire book in one sitting. Your book has the proper amount of intrigue and character development to build very vivid pictures without going overboard. I completely agree with others that I could practically see the characters and playhouse. Great blend of detail suitable for adult enjoyment while keeping your target audience engaged. Said another way, in the age of 'attention deficit and video games', I believe you nailed it, keeping the pages turning for your target age group :). But why take my word for it. So, I handed the book to a friends 11 year old daughter (who coincidentally had just tried out for a play at the theatre a few days prior). She told me she is enjoying the book and "...read 100 pages in only TWO DAYS!!". She astounded herself and it apparently was not a painful read (like most books she is forced to read for school). I'll let you know what she thought when she finishes. She seems to be really captivated so far. For me, after each page I just kept wanting to find out what happens to Alex. But more than that, I appreciated the blend of life lessons, choices facing teens and the fact that the lessons/situations (although common to many teens) were not obvious in their delivery. As a side note, when finished reading (excellent ending btw) I felt the need to go catch a show at the local theatre house in town. Its been a long time. Nice work.

Fabulous book!!! I could hardly put it down. Great ending. I'm going to send it to my grandchildren. The story is one that will capture the imagination of "tween" readers. But the most important thing for this age group will be the way they will relate to the struggles Alex had with his identity at that age, and I believe they can learn a lot from his choices.

The younger reader would probably find this as inspiriting as I did and know it to be genuine. The characters sustain and the neat detail adds to the scenes.

This really is excellent, John, the writing, the plot, the character of Alex. As it's already a published book I didn't look for things to tweak, only for things that caught my attention, e.g. 'Perhaps it was only a trick of the light that made them seem to move'. 'the back of the bus was their throne room'. 'Celeste's monstrous hair hedged him in'. 'the blackness of two hollow eye sockets'.

From reading the first 3 chapters, the book deserves every success. I'll pop it on my shelf for a short while in the hope it gets even more noticed :o)

John,
I continue to read....

Still a really good story :-)
no dull moments yet.

Gina

Hi John,
Nice sense of unease set up by the prologue - what is there to be feared in the theatre?
Ch 2 Alex's unwilling conversion to the play was well done, especially his smirk to try and make sure that no-one realised his interest, and his annoyance at the end realising that Celeste could blow the gaff on him.
Definite school kid voices here - slight problem for a Brit. audience in knowing what age these kids are, so useful to have Alex's age given.
A few glitches - in my opinion. - Celeste's voice nearly breaking the back window - seemed a wee bit ott, as did the 'big white exclamation mark' . And all of the conductor's batons that I've ever seen would have snapped under the force of a body, not skewered it - so that was to me unbelievable. Problem with details that jar, is that they distance a reader from the story and damage writer's credibility.
Otherwise though, there is a lot of potential here and Alex's internal conflict should make for a good story.
Good luck with it,
Margaret (Munro's Choice)

Hello John,
This is good. It keeps you on your seat and makes you want to keep reading on. I read the first 3 chapters but enjoyed them so much I want to come back for more!
You have created the 7th graders well. They are convincing. Alex is a fascinating main character. He's flawed, defensive and aggressive but he's also very endearing (although I'm sure he'd hate me saying this! LOL)
I felt myself being transported to the theater. I remember being above, in those catwalks, watching shows when I worked as a stage manager! The feelings that exist in empty parts of theatres, the haunting, being-watched feeling, you've captured well.
I am enjoying this so much that I will place it on my bookshelf and I wish you the very best with it.
Take care,
Annia ;-)

John,
Sometimes I WORRY with prologues because I have been told they are unnecessary and often get skipped anyway. YOURS is very good! Clever, unusual and attention getting!

You certainly have a way with words!!! Very vivid descriptions! WOW. I am really liking this book :) From the raspberries on his face to the paper-wad missiles, to the curtain rippling like and ocean! You paint a fun and realistic picture. I can so see this bunch of kids. No different than any fieldtrip I have been on!
>>Clean writing too. Only have one suggestion in that regard…>>“something had got in…” – I think it should be “something had gotten in.
Love love love the last line in chapter 1!!!!
** great suspense building in chapter 2… terrific how you weave Alex through this theater into mysterious places. I would love to do that like at the Lyric Opera House in Baltimore- would be fun!
WOW is all I can say. I was riveted with the ghost thing and poor Alex landing on the stage. Definite shelf material!
AND AGAIN you come up with a terrific punishment! And a way to tell us a story in this theater with Alex… brilliant!

Be back for more!
Gina

Just got this review on Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Hidden-Stage-John-Wolpert/dp/1439221448/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1232562645&sr=8-1

5.0 out of 5 stars A Wonderful Surprise, January 20, 2009
By CJ Julisch "CJ" (Zurich, Switzerland)

I simply love this book. From the first chapter to the end, I did not want to put it down because I wanted to know what happens next. On one level, the book draws you in with its imagery of the theatre. As you read the theatre comes alive, it takes you back to all the visits that you have made to the theatre and it makes you anticipate going again.

Yet the book is much more than a story of a boy's adventure in his hometown theatre. As you read, you know this is a journey rather than a simple adventure for Alex because it is the pivotal moment in his life. The unasked question is; what type of man will this boy grow up to be? Will he grow up to be the emotionally dwarfed jock that picks on others or will he evolve into a more holistic human being. As Alex's character grows and changes and he makes decisions based on his own motives, he begins to understand the Shakespearean quote from his friend Cyril... "To be or not be" which as his father explains, is, "a question of choice."

I wholeheartedly recommend this book and as soon as I had finished reading it; I immediately ordered a copy for a twelve year old. I believe she will love it.

Chapter 3. Great action sequence. I really like how you keep the tension going. I am very intrigues now as to how this is going to play out. I think your writing is very fluid and smooth. I actually pictured myself back stage. I do not have much for you as far as critique, I think it is great so far!

Great opening. I like the parallel you hint at with Alex and his step-sisters and his class is going to see Cinderella. You draw us in during the play and give great details without overwhelming the reader or making it so boring you want to stop reading.

The dialogue is good and very believable. I am excited to read more!

This book is so well written I just sat back and went along for the ride. I love the tight plot and vivid details. I'm very impressed and look forward to coming back for more.

The website is very cool as well--love the animation!

I'm really interested in reactions not only to the book but to the website: www.thehiddenstage.com.

Thanks TJ. Gotta say that is a new one. Appreciate the comment though. Everything is useful.

hi,
just read p&c1
quite liked it, without it really gripping me.
i think the prologue confused me a little. not sure whether the gargoyles are alive or not. would have grabbed my interest far more if i knew they were.
"followed the bus with their stone eyes. They had not moved an inch."
if they don't move i think you need seemingly before followed.
if they are alive, then don't confuse by saying they hadn't moved.
read it three times, but sorry i'm still unsure.
will be back later. tim

Those are terrific comments, Zenup! Thanks! Yeah, I wrote for the past five years involving readers in the age group (9-15). That really helps with getting the voice right. I always loved the title because of the mystery of it, but valid point in any event. Thanks for that. My FAVORITE response is exactly what you said about starting with a page or two and finding yourself suddenly at chapter 10! That is exactly what I want, and I hope you read through to the end. The last chapter is my favorite, and a cliffhanger. Regarding ghosts - yeah, I hope readers are able to quickly discover that this is not a "ghost" story but more of a story where ghosts are characters...like Harry Potter's ghosts (some good, some bad, but all accessible - almost 'normal') rather than a campfire ghost story.
What do you think of the web site: http://www.thehiddenstage.com

I enjoyed this & read up to Ch 10 in one sitting. I liked the prologue (ie gargoyles!). Loved the set up, Alex's predicament (Chs 2 & 3 are wonderful) and, though I normally steer clear of ghost stories, I was keen to see what happened to Alex. Well written, fun to read. Have you tried this out on your target (childrens) audience?
I wonder if the title, The Hidden Stage, does full justice to your creation. To me, it sounds a bit too abstract/adult. One reader's reaction, here.