Six Days

Hello Ankur, I believe you are a genius. Your understanding of policy, politics, and reality are profound and awe inspiring. This is a work that needs to be seen by the entire world. If only they would all be able to comprehend what you are saying. Your expressions of analogy and sense of parable is uncanny. I have enjoyed so much reading what I think and feel expressed in a manner that in a million years I would be unable to do myself. It is indeed an enviable ability, one that I myself find unattainable, to be able to speak with such clarity in so few and well chosen and parsed words. Thank you for this, and please continue.,

L:ynne Heffner Ferrante
An Untenable Fragrance of Violets.

An amusing, descriptive, and well-written book, your writing style is very impressive. dialogue is realistic with vivid characahters and the narrative is at a great pace, highly rated

Hi Ankur,
Continuing my comments from Chapter 3. SIX DAYS is not a common read for everyone and one needs to be very open-minded to comprehend the truth you're sharing with us. Again, the style of your narrative prose is originally unique, and I sense a lot of dark humor in between the lines...something very hard to achieve and needs a lot of observing and research on life, itself.

So they were doing God's bidding.
The war was for their own greed.
I liked these sentences, and the idea of a computer that can predict our stock market, although I totally agree with you on the main ideology behind.
I'll come back with more comments and I'm curious to know more of your thoughts and what's going to happen upfront.
Best wishes,
Lucette- Ten Deep Footprints

This is very unique, not something I'd normally read, but I have to say I loved it!

It's so thought provoking and well written, it flows amazingly well.
Also I really enjoyed this " earth is inundated with…humans." Haha.
This is a really good read, I look forward to reading more if you put more up!

High stars :)

- Bree

Hello Ankur,
How wonderful to meet an intelligent writer again!
Your work is amazing, your work is unique. I think it is the best compliment I can give you.
I hope this will be the same success like with your first book I really wish you the best luck with it.
6/6 stars!
Thank you for sharing I really enjoyed.

I like the description of an inner battle between angels and demons. I’ve heard the anecdote about sloths before, but with monkeys. This thought-provoking tale is written more like a screenplay than a novel. I’m not sure if that was your intention, but it’s interesting.

MiriamNConde
The Immortality Experiment

Hi Ankur,

This is so intriguing as well as exciting. It`s got an immense depth that calls for the reader`s total discernment. You have a style of writing that I have never seen before. This is a well written book, so descriptive, and very impressive. The way you set the dialogues, makes it sound so real. You`ve shared wisdom there, yet done it in parable sort of. Congratulations for a wonderful read. I definitely would give it high stars.

Ben
‘Run for your pencil’

Hi, very gripping pitch...and fascinating dialogue in the beginning! "the one who won was better fed and was given more time and attention" absolutely true. You have wonderful ideas and imagination and you express it in a very unique way. Congratulations on all your success and I think there's more for you on the way..you deserve it!
Good luck,
R.d (words)

Very clever. Unique and well written, I truly enjoyed reading this-- and I'm not generally a fan of screenplays. Great job.

Lily Collins
Miles to Go

I loved the last sentence of your pitch. I have read through chapter 3. You are a brave soul, and I agree with Lynne: you are a genius. I've played with the idea of adapting a story into a screenplay, but had no idea what I was doing. I found this website though: www.screenwriting.info/, but that's as far as I got. I'll look forward to reading on.

Kristi

I feel like i'm reading parables written thousands of years ago. I commend you on the great insight and highly recommend your work. great work and highly starred. kerry.

First of all, let me say I know nothing of screenplays, so my review is probably not going to be appropriate for this type of lit

I have read your first chapter, and I can already tell that SIX DAYS is a thinker. There will no doubt be several more of these moments throughout. Your first chapter as a play was genius. There were however just a couple times that I was confused as to what was happening, but that was probably because this is the first screenplay I have ever read and I have NO idea how to read them:P

So far, great job. Very interesting and thought-provoking story.

I also would appreciate your thoughts on my book Divide, as well :)

Ankur, what an unusual concept, to have the opening chapter set as a stage play. Very well-written, and the twists and turns had mind working overtime, especially the part where the Professor has no wounds...a Messianic piece, I think. Highly starred.
M.J
The Magpie King

I read the first chapter, so very well written. I love the part about the sloth and how he thought he was trapped because he would not let go. Setting it as a stage play is definately unique. The cover is well suited and fabulous.
I have given it high stars. Best of Luck
MC

Oh my goodness, an irresistible book added to my watchlist. Trouble is, I seem to spend more time responding to comments and messages than I do reading the amazing stories.

I took a look at yours in response to your friend request, which I am honoured to accept. I look forward to getting to know you.

With respect
Grace Lyssett
SORRY

Very clever, well written and unique in idea. I will watch list and read til the end! :)

Hi Ankur,
Very happy to see a genius of writing by fellow Indian(I am not trying to ask favors by saying Indian.LOL). Your book is a visual feast.period. I noticed 'He' in chapter 6 is highlighted in yellow. You are absolutely right in saying 'six days has to be written' .
Highly starred and in my W/L.

Venkatarama

YARG review

ok i have no idea how to review a screenplay... so i read the first 'chapter' (as uploaded on authonomy) and i enjoyed it. What an interesting way to end it... the impact of the bullet only effecting the professor's words... cool. definitely makes me want to read on.

having said that, i wasn't really fond of the pitch. nothing really grabbed me except "David only had six days" - this is clever.

my one suggestion, though i don't know if this is accurate as i don't know how scripts work, but i'd suggest not having one person speak back to back, unless there is an action in between. It screws up the flow when reading, especially if the dialogue is between two people, as the reader, i expect it to go back and forth between the two, so having one person speak twice in a row, makes me do a double take

eg:

"Kid: the priest said, we all have angels...."
"Kid: And they play tug of war in there..."

there is no action in between... not even a "brief pause" - why not join the two sentences in one line?

just a thought

thank you for the new read though, i enjoyed the YA script :)

cheers for now
Jaclyn x
It Never Happened

Hello Ankur -

I am not used to reading screenplays but found yours very enjoyable - liked the doubt cage. Highly starred.

Cheers

Jimmy

Sorry for the delay in backing you; I only come onto the website once a month - good luck! No need to back my book as I have made the editor's desk but if you leave a constructive comment, that would be appreciated.

Cheers!
JCC

This is wonderful. Im not used to reading scripts on here. Is it a stage play or a screen play? Either way I would love to watch it.

Hi. I've just read a part of your work. A bit confusing at first, disjointed, but so unique it felt okay. The language is poetic, the sentiments beautifully described through clever 'plays.' I feel this is not an airport book but aiming at the highest prize. Good luck

Hi Ankur, I wasn't too sure on the first page, but read on and became hooked. You deal with age-old themes in an original and at times amusing manner. I can see this book achieving cult status amongst the disillusioned. I'm adding you to my booklist.
Jackie Chiknas
The Communicator

Six Days is an interesting idea, Ankur. Such originality appeals to me as I like writing which is quirky and different. It is a complex subject matter and therefore, perhaps not always easy to follow. Yes, there are typos and some quotes which are confusing - perhaps that is because they contain grammatical mistakes or typos. It is, however, certainly a project worth pursuing and I shall rate it highly, but I feel a professional edit would be a wise move. Meanwhile, I do wish you every success with this script! Best wishes, Natalie (the Diary of John Crow)

anomy, anomia or anomie, all three are okay i guess

Isn't it spelt anomie?

Isn't it spelt anomie?

Hi Ankur,

I was only able to give the time for one "chapter", but I have to say you've developed several interesting stories on these first few pages that I'm very curious how they all intersect.
I'm tossing you onto my watchlist and will come back to check out more as time permits.
Have a great one.

Six Days
Ankur Surendra

Suspense from the beginning/ You have a well-written story and a great unique idea!
Sara Stinson
Finger Bones

This is a deep work that operates on a lot of levels. The screenplay format is original. Best of luck with this and your journey as a writer.

I'm afraid that I find your format difficult to follow and cannot seem to find any real connection between each scene. I did enjoy the bit about the sloth cage. I found it clever. :)

Scene 1: you mention that English isn't your first language so I hope you don't think I am patronizing when I correct some grammar. Its just some little things. Like the openign scene, Bernard's line: You are pretty immpressed with yourself David, should have a comma between yourself and David.
But I can already say that I quite like the language already. it has good rhythm. Though I will be quite frank with you, there were so many quotes at the beginning that I got a bit bored and skipped over them. You might want to consider shortening that. I understand that, if this was to be a play, it might work. But if it was a movie, I still think it would be too much. I can just imagine myself sitting in a dark movie theatre waiting for the movie to get on with it and start already, Strange the different standards we hold for theatre and film...
Scene2: the doubt cage. Just a little spelling error. thru should be through. But I will say, I love your use of the language. It's quick and to the point and I really quite like it. I really like the old man's explanation of how to make your angel stronger and the idea of the sloth cage. Really brilliant. Just another grammar note, at the end of this scene, you have the president saying I will to that for you son. There should be a comma between should and son.


Having read your first page, I can say that I think you have a way with words and being able to make them poetic and attention catching. At the same time, this might just be me, but your ideas and scenes seem to be rather spastic in nature. For example, that grave stone scene. Why was it there? Is it explained later and I'm just being impatient? It just seemed rather random. same with the scene after. Apparently David just appears and then they talk about possible reasons why the world might end...? I am rather confused at this point, which instead of making me want to read on, I am kind of turned off by it...

still, I think you have a good thing here. Maybe I am just not the type of reading who can be compatible with this type of writing. I just found it rather confusing at times and yet at the same time, I did quite like your way of writing the dialogue for the characters.

anyway, thanks for the suggestion to read this. Maybe a little later on, I will come back to try and read some more... Good luck with it!

- Pamela

Hi Ankur,
I continue my read from the 4th Chapter, and here are my comments.

The opening paragraph of 'What's your plan?' is a very strong one in terms of concept and writing style. It certainly delivers.

On the other hand, the dialogue between Rick and Old Lady is my cup of tea...full of wisdom and philosophy. I question these values very often, so your book has a huge potential for like-minded readers.

The world is full of voters , we have no citizens. (I loved it.)

Seems I'm gonna leave my son...(Seems like I'm gonna leave my son...may sound better if you include 'like')

He, he, indeed he needed to hear that. (I understand what you mean, but an editor may ask you to get rid of a he, used twice.)

6/6 stars again from me and look forward to reading more. You're a deep thinker.
Best wishes,
Lucette- Ten Deep Footprints

Hello Ankur,

I would first like to apologize for taking so long to respond to your original request. My only excuse is that i work two jobs and that I am presently writing two books and editing two more. I'm exhausted most of the time. Enough about me, I had the opportunity to read the first three Chapters of your play. For me its really the first time that i have read a play. In school i wasnt as fortunate as to have taken part in such. I can tell by the layout, that you have done this many times before, And I would be interested in finding out how you get started and how do you keep all the characters in a sense of order as you write the script. I was also wondering if you might find a moment to review a few chapters of my book The Buena Fortuna. You may enjoy the interaction of yhe main characters.

I wish you the best for today

The Raven

Good dialogue and very discriptive. I just like that you have common dialogue with highly philosophical content infused in it somehow. I think I can tell when you switch time by the language you use. I'm going to keep reading!

Hi Ankur, coming through on our agreement.

Very original and intriguing script! The constant dialogue is very morish... However, maybe only to me, the format is slightly discomforting; perhaps go have a look at this website to see the conventional script formats: http://www.imsdb.com/ . I hope it helps!
Hope you will look into my own work too.

Regards,

Hi Ankur, I took a look at chapter 3. I liked the pitch, its refreshing to have something current. I liked the dialogue passages you seem to have a skill for this and the book certtainly made some valid points. I liked it but I am not sure it will achieve it's potential without a little bit of work, I may have missed something but there appeared to be passages that were not connected. I guess the best advice is to read through the whole thing and you will notice passages where you stall and have to go back over what you have already read. This will indicate a piece that needs a little attention, I only picked up at chapter 3 so I may have missed something. Good Work and Good Luck

Kindest Regards and Best Wishes
Lenny Banks - Tide and Time: At The Rock.

Six Days.
By Ankur Surendra Verma.


I’ve looked at this in a constructional sort of way. In my opinion it would be better expanded into a film where its true potential would be appreciated.
As a play it has many difficult hurdles to climb regarding scene changes and use of props.
This could be achieved with more lengthy scenes to afford time for prop changes behind the back curtain, but some scenes are short with big changes afterwards—nigh impossible to give a true effect to the story without cutting down on detail.
This is very well written and thought out and I could well visualise the different scenes.
A film on the other hand would rescue the story from any problems that would normally arise in a play form...I would go in that direction, but it is after all my own opinion.
A very thought provoking read, I must say...most enjoyable.
High star-rating for your talented writing.

Very best wishes,

Neville. The Secrets of the Forest – Cosmos 501.

Very good dialogue, Ankur! Impressed and intrigued.

The first chapter has really drawn me in! I can already tell it's a brilliant work. I'll be back for more when my little girl's in bed. Can't wait to read!

Karen Davis Nimmo
A Spirit Mission

Ankur,
Your work is studded with so many gems that what I'm seeing overall is a treasure-trove. Why you drifted away after your first literary success is beyond me, but then that's another book, I'm sure. My mind is brimming at the moment with images of a sloth trapped in a hole by a lump of salt in its hand, of mad people being smart or dead, of riches as tectonic faults, of two families self-destructing over apricots they inherited. Your script is clearcut though the sentences tend to be lengthy, maybe chopped up for easier memorization? Thank you so much for the uplifting read.

Kenneth Edward Lim
The North Korean

I have no experience at all in these matters so I am unable to give any opinion on just how well this will translate from manuscript to stage. For this same reason I found it quite a difficult read at first but I soon got used to the format and I began to enjoy myself.
It needs a bit ( not much at all) of cleaning up with regard to the grammar (Tenses, plurals, consistant use of quotation marks etc.) and a few spelling mistakes but this is not enough to detract at all from what is a highly readable and very intelligent manuscript written by an obviously highly intelligent individual with a profound message to deliver. I look forward to reading the rest of it. Well done!!

Reading Six Days was wonderful. It's awfully unique, I felt like I was intruding on policy meetings and deep thoughts by just reading it. The story is awfully prophetic and almost eerie in its tonal verbage, and I love it!

Watching this one for sure.

I have written screenplays and conventional plays, so I understand the format well. This will make for a tough read for many casual visitors to Authonomy, but once the format is understood, then it will become easier.

I have a problem, though. There are too many inconsistencies to make a pleasurable read. I understand 'thru', but it is sloppy in a manuscript. Your use and non-use of the quote marks are also all over the place.

Without a cast list and a reference to that at the beginning of each new character's line, it becomes impossible to follow the action for me. However unconventional the material might be, the format of the play has to be in a readable format.

This feels like an early draft and although your ideas are sound and original, I found it hard to follow.

You have also uploaded an incomplete script. As a rule I can only back a complete work because I need to see if a writer can follow through to the work's conclusion.

This is, of course, my humble opinion. I can see value here, but I would have to pass in this present form.

Cas

As many other have said already, I really like what you have. There are some typos (like leaving off an "r" on the end of your every now and then) that are easily corrected. This definitely isn't for everyone, but it's very intelligently written and after I pick up on the pace and the rhythm of what was going on, I really enjoyed reading through it. I wasn't able to finish it yet, but I'll definitely come back and read more soon. Good job!

Hi Ankur,
I just read some of your manuscript. I'd say that it looks like you've done a very skillful job of writing a play. My only concern with it is that for me at least, as someone not accustomed to reading in this kind of format, it is kind of hard to follow. I'm probably not qualified to give proper feedback on this kind of writing, but at least I can say that it appears skillful, and I will make time to read some more of it and hopefully give some better feedback later.
Troy

Ankur, i am glad that I had the chance to read your material. In addition to your excellent writing I also detected some underlying dark humor. The reading was thought provoking and interesting and anyone with an open mind should give this a read. I look forward to reading more of your work. Good luck Brian

Hi Ankur,

I've taken a read of the first part of your play. I'm afraid that I am not accustomed to reading This type of material and found it very difficult to grasp.

Of what I did read, you had some very thought provoking lines. I was particularly taken with the picture of the angel/demon tug of war, and the concept of the winner being the one better fed.

I have starred the play.

Tara
(Wife to Brett: Dark Matter)

Thanks a lot buddy.

An amusing, descriptive, and well-written book, your writing style is very impressive. dialogue is realistic with vivid characahters and the narrative is at a great pace, highly rated

Hi Ankur. A very thought-provoking, original piece. I only managed to read first two chapter, but I will read.more when I can. Best wishes. Alison

AF McKeating
Tje.Accidental Career of Hilary Darke

SIX DAYS
I don’t read many plays, so this was an interesting read. I love the short, crisp dialogue; will keep your audience’s head up out of that popcorn and focused on the stage. For a play format, tho, don’t you have to name who is saying which dialogue? And give some stage directions as you go (character picks up vase; character looks puzzled, etc)? As I said, I don’t read many plays but I’ve read a lot of movie scripts and they all include those things. Either way, the dialogue alone makes this a good read. I’m starring this and adding it to my shelf. Mark/Wanttobeawriter: Who Killed the President?

Hi Ankur,
I've just had the chance to read Chapter 1 and up to Scene 6 in Chapter 2. For me, your views on the state of politics, economics, religion, and human nature are mostly spot on.
However, I felt the writing needed a great deal of editing for typos, grammar, syntax and, especially, dramatic tension. If your intention is to have this book presented as a stage play then the ideas, descriptions and bits of dialogue are really the notes to be used for writing the play.
Overall, I can see that you have a keen sense of observation, and a healthy intolerance for hypocrites and liars, and your heart and mind are in the right place.
I wish you great success,
Harris
Irina's Eye
http://authonomy.com/books/46331/irina-s-eye/

An amusing, descriptive, and well-written book, your writing style is very impressive. dialogue is realistic with vivid characahters and the narrative is at a great pace, highly rated

Hello Ankur,
How wonderful to meet an intelligent writer again!
Your work is amazing, your work is unique. I think it is the best compliment I can give you.
I hope this will be the same success like with your first book I really wish you the best luck with it.
6/6 stars!
Thank you for sharing I really enjoyed.

Your piece is very thought provoking. It rings true. I especially liked the description of morons and the people who surround us. It fit nicely with the dog chasing his tail metaphor. But in the first and third type, which is the head and which is the tail? The morons are the body. Your revelation about the justice system not being able to regulate itself but only those of us who it's designed to regulate; was good. And you point out, the system does not give us justice but a gluttony of injustice because of the way the system has grown unfettered. I like your writing and your message. I had a little trouble following it sometimes. I put that down to editing and translation. Good luck. I will read more and am putting you on my bookshelf, if I can figure out how to do it.

I would like to invite you to read The OrKey. It is a light read, certainly not in the category of your serious piece.

Hello Ankur, I read the first chapter (all I had time for-sorry, but will continue!) I love the first line in Scene 4-so appropriate for these times. I also agree wholeheartedly with Lynne, in her comment below. High stars.