Thando

Wow, I was really blown away by this story. I was only able to read up to chapter one so far, because of christmas. But, I can honestly tell you, if I had picked it up in the bookstore, your short/long pitch would get me to open it. Then reading through the first 5 or so paragraphs would have hooked me into buying it.

I have absolutely no suggestions based on ch. 1. And believe me, I don't hesitate to make suggestions if I see the need. I don't just tell a person it's great so they will reciprocate. I am very honest with my comments (in a nice way, of course) because that is what I want from others. ;-)

You set the scene so well I feel like I'm there. Some parts are difficult to read, uncomfortable and heartbreaking. They say your bookshelf is the place for books you would buy, so that's where your book is going. Also, on my WL of course, so I can keep reading at my leisure. Great job. =D

Joseph,

This reminds me of a contemporary Graham Green - beautifully yet brutally written. Would love to read more.

Keith Gilbey
Peppermint

This is gripping ... no really, it is.

We got ourselves a writah! Congratulations Joseph, this is a fantastic piece of writing. Well, I've only read two chapters so far but what chapters... I only noticed one mistake in English: had he'd counted. My Italian is fairly ropey but I think you have a couple of plurals where there should be singulars in inglesi and consiglieri and the language names should not be capitalised.

I expect to see this race up the charts.

This is simply brilliant: a novel written by an artist with a rare gift of writing. While I am giving this six stars, it is actually too good to be on this site. It should be published and in libraries. This is a classic.

I have absolutely no suggestions (that would be like me making suggestions to Rembrandt on how to paint!) The brutality revealed in the novel is almost beyond belief yet written about in such a way that the reader is mesmerized, horrified, disgusted, and totally absorbed. The imagery is disturbing, distressing, and enlightening. I simply can't say enough: brilliant!

This is also very complicated. I had to read some parts several times and take notes to follow the story. It was not quite what I expected: a childhood story of two lost boys and an elephant to later be replaced with their grown selves. Instead it is the tale of the horrors and beastiality of the civil war in Zimbabwe. The characters are larger than life and the novel focuses on the story of Father Wyse, the 'hard' priest; the Gukurahundi - their brutality, rape, torture of men, women, and children; Vincent, the white war correspondent assigned to his home in Zimbawee; Mfazo; Chipembere; and Dr. Pain, Taurai Pfume and others. Occasionally, the author provides a lovely flashback to two young boys (Vincent and Gift) playing with a baby elephant (Thando) which only makes the present day with Vincent even more horrible.

While you have my best wishes for quickly rising to the desk on this site, I truly wish that this were already accepted for publication by a major publisher. This is simply too good to languish in the background of books waiting to be published. This is the work of a genius when it comes to writing and I would like to have your autograph on one of the first copies published. Magnificent!

Patricia Laster
"Breaking Free"

I have read the first 4 chapter and it is amazingly well written. I like phrases like± death is visiting smalll children. Also how you discribe rthe cruelty of war. Also the way you change the scenery from Africa to Italy, gives a break from the constant warhappenings. Well done. succes, I have rated very good and backed.
Karel Koninkrijk from AFRICAN DIARY

Joseph, This is some story. I wasnt expecting that. Well done. You tell a good story with a fine pace to it. I think this will do very well if you get on this site and push it. The way you have built the story up is really clever and you use this alone to keep the reader hooked into the book. I wish you luck and score this high.
Sean Connolly. British Army on the Rampage. (B.A.O.R) please consider me for a read or watch list wont you?? Many thanks. Sean

Your work is of professional quality. The vivid settings, and the descriptions of horrific acts, successfully hooked me, as did the 'kaleidoscopic' mental anguish of your protagonist, and the promise of his transcendence (by way of Thando). Poetic; metaphoric; this is the kind of novel for which I would happily pay good money in Barnes & Noble (and I wouldn't be surprised to find it there some day). The story is gripping and the prose Hemingway-esque at times. I appreciate the obvious commitment you have made to polishing your craft. 6 stars and backed.

When I read your pitch I knew if I clicked on 'read the book', I would delve into something exceptional. You hooked me into going to a place, where as a human being, I would rather not go. I'm glad you did, because, Joseph, this is beyond exceptional. It is disturbing, thought provoking, brutal, amazing and one of the most wonderful reads I have encountered on authonomy.
I cannot give a critique, there is nothing someone like me can advise to improve a masterpiece.
I cannot place Thando on my shelf at the moment, but I assure you, it will be there as soon as I can.
Lin

I was held; rapt and appalled. The story was full of love and heartbreak and the writing is deceptively simple story-telling rich in imagery. This deserves to be published and should be read by everyone.
Andrea
The de Amerley Affair

Wow, I was really blown away by this story. I was only able to read up to chapter one so far, because of christmas. But, I can honestly tell you, if I had picked it up in the bookstore, your short/long pitch would get me to open it. Then reading through the first 5 or so paragraphs would have hooked me into buying it.

I have absolutely no suggestions based on ch. 1. And believe me, I don't hesitate to make suggestions if I see the need. I don't just tell a person it's great so they will reciprocate. I am very honest with my comments (in a nice way, of course) because that is what I want from others. ;-)

You set the scene so well I feel like I'm there. Some parts are difficult to read, uncomfortable and heartbreaking. They say your bookshelf is the place for books you would buy, so that's where your book is going. Also, on my WL of course, so I can keep reading at my leisure. Great job. =D

wonderful poetic descriptive writing, good sense of place, and presence of people. I must admit that I found the first chapter rather painful, but again written in an almost poetic way. The story is well informed and has held my attention so far, will read on. Small crits, I think in Chapter 2 or three you used had he'd, and further on rendezvoused, also stepping into the rear of a waiting armoured saloon, I think the word back would be less awkward. All minor, but nonetheless a great read. Best of luck Cynthia ( Imagemaker)

Hi Joseph.
You describe the atrocities really well; giving us the fear that these people face.
I thought the nightmare scene was also written well conveying Vincent's disturbance. I began the story last week and was taken away from it as it was locked for editing. When I came back to it I was a bit confused at first as to how my memory seemed to be different from where I thought I was. I'll put it down to the fact that you edited away some of what I'd read and it wasn't my mind playing tricks with me. I do prefer the second version of page two. You've done a good job with it.
The prologue gives us a good insight to the history and the background of the story.
The way you jump back and forth from present to Vincent's memories was easily understood, unlike other books I've read, that just make it confusing.
I did have to really concentrate on the place and people's names. I am not familiar with them. I have the same trouble with fantasy books with made up places and names.
Once into the story it all began fitting into place perfectly and it had my full attention. It's a real page turner.
Where you left me, at chapter eight, was a good point to stop; leaving the reader desperate to know more.
I did expect more elephant in it. I got a glimpse in the original page two.
I didn't find any edits or awkward sentences. This book is well written and paced.
I will shelve it very soon. I have read a lot of good stories this week. I'm sorry you're a bit behind on the list, it's only because it locked on me last week and I wanted to read it all.
Best wishes Jesamine.

THANDO
This is an interesting story. I like the way you begin this with the description of the war and the horror that created. Sets a good background for the story and a good contrast to the gentleness your main characters show each other. A strong point in addition to detailed way you describe everything is your dialogue. It’s a real skill to add foreign words the way you do – just enough to make the dialogue feel authentic; not so much a reader is puzzled about what was said. I think you’ll find a ready audience for this. I’m starring it and adding it to my shelf. Mark/Wanttobeawriter: Who Killed the President?

Joseph,
Why is this book on Authonomy? It should be on the shelves of every book store out there. For now, it's definetely on mine. :)
Cheers,
Maria x

wow

Dear Joseph,
Congratulations to your excellent book!
Instead of comment long I say woooooooooooooooooooooooow!
And I really mean it!
Thank you fo sharing your wor and let me give you 6 stars please!

Joseph,
You started with the essence of what lay ahead, an elephant frolicking with children before their demise, well segued into Vincent's awakening to a hot-blooded Italian woman who satisfied his need for female company. Ever the cynic, he misread her motives and offered her cash, thus insulting her. The irony in your book is its salient point, driven home by vivid narrative and brilliant dialogue. Thank you so much for sharing.

Kenneth Edward Lim
The North Korean

brilliant! Highly rated, will add to WL and back as soon as space. Sue 'It's a Dog's Life'

This is gripping ... no really, it is.

We got ourselves a writah! Congratulations Joseph, this is a fantastic piece of writing. Well, I've only read two chapters so far but what chapters... I only noticed one mistake in English: had he'd counted. My Italian is fairly ropey but I think you have a couple of plurals where there should be singulars in inglesi and consiglieri and the language names should not be capitalised.

I expect to see this race up the charts.

Thando by Joseph Polizzi
You have an amazing talent for words. They flow so easily off the page as the story is told.
The settings are written in such a vivid way and the characters come to life off the page through the reader's mind.
I saw a few places where there are errors but I forgot where they were.
The pitch is crafted well as is the cover and title.
Good work.

Shelby Z./Driving Winds

P.S. Please read my pirate adventure Driving Winds.

Joseph,

This reminds me of a contemporary Graham Green - beautifully yet brutally written. Would love to read more.

Keith Gilbey
Peppermint

This is simply brilliant: a novel written by an artist with a rare gift of writing. While I am giving this six stars, it is actually too good to be on this site. It should be published and in libraries. This is a classic.

I have absolutely no suggestions (that would be like me making suggestions to Rembrandt on how to paint!) The brutality revealed in the novel is almost beyond belief yet written about in such a way that the reader is mesmerized, horrified, disgusted, and totally absorbed. The imagery is disturbing, distressing, and enlightening. I simply can't say enough: brilliant!

This is also very complicated. I had to read some parts several times and take notes to follow the story. It was not quite what I expected: a childhood story of two lost boys and an elephant to later be replaced with their grown selves. Instead it is the tale of the horrors and beastiality of the civil war in Zimbabwe. The characters are larger than life and the novel focuses on the story of Father Wyse, the 'hard' priest; the Gukurahundi - their brutality, rape, torture of men, women, and children; Vincent, the white war correspondent assigned to his home in Zimbawee; Mfazo; Chipembere; and Dr. Pain, Taurai Pfume and others. Occasionally, the author provides a lovely flashback to two young boys (Vincent and Gift) playing with a baby elephant (Thando) which only makes the present day with Vincent even more horrible.

While you have my best wishes for quickly rising to the desk on this site, I truly wish that this were already accepted for publication by a major publisher. This is simply too good to languish in the background of books waiting to be published. This is the work of a genius when it comes to writing and I would like to have your autograph on one of the first copies published. Magnificent!

Patricia Laster
"Breaking Free"

Hi Joseph,
The name of your book and the pitch is really strong. I usually read the first two chapters to have an overall feel of a novel, and I'll definitely come back to read more chapters. You have an original, authentic sound, pace, voice and style...all the four elements together to make a good story great.

He closes his eyes and lightning slashes through his mind like a machete. I liked that expression.

Vincent, Father Wyse, Francesca and Gianluca are promptly introduced and fused in the story in a timely manner.
I will come back with more comments, and I wish you all the best here on Authonomy!
Lucette-LCF QUARTET
Ten Deep Footprints

Hi Joseph, I read chapter 2, (3 on here). This is a fantastic story. The wriiting is clear, easy to read and easy to follow. It has the feel of someone telling you the story around a camp fire, I am imagining the images as I am reading them. It reads as an account of real events, and introduces the reader to Africa in a wonder ful way description of the flora and fauna and the heat of the ground. The people seem real I could expect to get off a plane and meet them. The dialogue is spot on and it was a very enjoyable read. Good Luck with this I am sure it will do very well.

Kindest Regards and Best Wishes
Lenny Banks - Tide and Time: At The Rock

The opening sentence has a feel to it of the start of a legend or saga - the repetition has a poetic feel which is reminiscent of a storytelling style. Already we're set up with a hint of epic to come. And this tone is maintained with a sure touch. Gripping, publishable, deft in its tone and treatment. I trust that this book will relieve the recognition it deserves. A very welcome addition to the works on Authonomy.

Zane Stumpo - Schrödinger's Caterpillar.

Wow, this is powerful writing! Your professionalism shines through here, as does your passion for the subject. Very chilling and effective. Your descriptions are evocative, and of course the tale you tell is searing.
Best of luck with this!
My work is in a much different vein, but if you're interested in reading a middle grade adventure novel, you are invited to look over the the Lost Wink.
Thanks!
Tod
http://authonomy.com/books/40646/the-lost-wink/