Killer Rumors

Antonello, A fascinating read and certainly not what I was expecting. I can see this doing so well. I can see some small issues with it below and once these are carried out and rectified this will be superb. I liked what you are doing here and find this to be intelligent writing. Nice even flow and a good pace to the premise. Good narration and descriptions throughout. Good luck and score high.
Sean Connolly. British Army on the Rampage. (B.A.O.R) Please consider me for a read or watch list wont you?? Many thanks. Sean

I read up to chapter 12. I had to. I really wanted to know what the passage was in the bible and what it meant. Now I know and understand that the priests were murdered for revenge.
You have your chapters set up perfectly. Really tempting to click on the next chapter. You are very capable of building up the momentum and keeping it up. This reader is certainly enthralled by your story.

Well done.

Alice:)

Hi Alice,
Thank you for the kind comments. I'm glad to hear you were enjoying my story. I've learned so much on how to set up my story and chapters by reading James Patterson and references on how to write a mystery novel. I'm looking forward of writing many more in the future. Wishing you all the best!

Antonello

Read upto Chapter 7. Liked the short punchy sentences initially, but then they got to be less than a page and that seemed a bit odd to me...I think a chapter has to be at least a page long?
Anyway, the story is quite interesting and kept my attention and I will read on when i get time. I'm really sorry i haven't read more before now - I'm in the middle of a house move, decorating to do and so on...so I'm a bit behind on here and it's going to be a few weeks before i get back on track. You're on my WL and I will read on asap. Thank you very much for backing my book. It is really appreciated. Dave

Hi David,
Thank you for the comments- I definitely appreciate them. I would appreciate if you could back my book once you get back on track. Wishing you all the best!

Read upto Chapter 7. Liked the short punchy sentences initially, but then they got to be less than a page and that seemed a bit odd to me...I think a chapter has to be at least a page long?
Anyway, the story is quite interesting and kept my attention and I will read on when i get time. I'm really sorry i haven't read more before now - I'm in the middle of a house move, decorating to do and so on...so I'm a bit behind on here and it's going to be a few weeks before i get back on track. You're on my WL and I will read on asap. Thank you very much for backing my book. It is really appreciated. Dave

I read up to chapter 12. I had to. I really wanted to know what the passage was in the bible and what it meant. Now I know and understand that the priests were murdered for revenge.
You have your chapters set up perfectly. Really tempting to click on the next chapter. You are very capable of building up the momentum and keeping it up. This reader is certainly enthralled by your story.

Well done.

Alice:)

I like the way you get right into the heart of the story with your first chapter. The idea of killing anyone,let alone two priests! To be fair, I was so absorbed I didnt even noticed the writing, and for me that means its a good book; clever writing does not detract the eye form the story. This is very good.
Andrea
The de Amerey Affair

"Shock and anger entered my bloodstream..." I like the beginning sentence of paragraph two in chapter five. And there are little touches like the song by Johhny Cash playing the background. You've teased the reader by stopping at a pivotal point. I do hope you don't keep us in suspense too long. Do you have plans to share chapter 20 soon? I hope? And I know you can't judge a book by its cover, but I have to say that your book cover is striking, definitely eye catching.

Kristi

Killer Rumors short chapters uploaded here begin a police procedural involving the murders of two priests, apparently for revenge and seemingly escalating to the murder of a nun. A defrocked priest seems to be the killer of the priests. He also seems to use a hitman to murder the nun. The hitman is called The Solution, a clever and imaginative touch. A good start . jack hudson

Antonello,

Just wanted to let you know I'm backing your book, Killer Rumors. Hope you'll reciprocate.

Alan

Hi Antonello,
I continued my read from where I was on Chapter 12, and read until 20, all you've posted so far.

Your characters; Lorenzzo, Nathalie, Susan and Frank sound like they're already living. Your characterization is very dynamic, and I liked the short, snappy chapters as usual.

I look forward to seeing where the story goes from here and how things will unfold, so just let me know if you upload more chapters.

6 stars remain and still in my Watch List for the coming chapters ahead.
Best wishes,
Lucette- Ten Deep Footprints

Killer Rumors is an excellent crime drama and thriller, with roots in the headlines of today. We all know about the sex abuse scandals that have plagued the Catholic Church as of late. Here, author Antonello Fiore shows us the flip side of the coin, with a falsely accused priest driven over the edge.

The character of Tom Branchard makes a perfect villain, not really black and white but more shades of grey. He is at once revolting and sympathetic.

The tension in the book is palpable and the pacing is good for a thriller. Beyond that, the author obviously understands a lot of the inner workings of the church, or at least gives us what seems to be a believable portrayal. Thrillers are always best when we are allowed to peek behind the curtain into someone else’s world, and Killer Rumors does that nicely.

I was glued to the pages presented here so far, and I know other readers will be as well. This is definitely a thinking person’s thriller, and its connection to current events combined with good writing should make it quite successful once published.

John Breeden II
Old Number Seven

This is refreshingly different and kicks the trend for the crime/suspense genre for covering the same old done to death themes. Very well constructed and the story is told in an articulate manner. It is well paced and painted, with appealing characterizations, main and sub-plots. At 10,295 it looks like it remains work in progress, but if the author sustains the high level of writing excellence achieved in the early chapters, it will become a riveting read. Highly starred.

Clive Radford
Doghouse Blues

Wow fantastic read. I've only read to the end of chapter six so far but I am completely hooked. Nice work. Oh how I wish I had the time to read all of this. I saw only one small error in the opening I think you should put pray FOR them, other than that no quibbles. Each chapter makes you want to rush to the next. Very well written indeed. Six stars for this one and on my WL until I move about my shelf.
A great job well done.
Brian.

Hi Brian,
Thank you for the comments and a bigger thank you for spotting the error- I definitely appreciate your help and feedback. I will begin reading your book once I get home from work tonight. I will let you know what I think of your novel. Wishing you all the best!

Wow fantastic read. I've only read to the end of chapter six so far but I am completely hooked. Nice work. Oh how I wish I had the time to read all of this. I saw only one small error in the opening I think you should put pray FOR them, other than that no quibbles. Each chapter makes you want to rush to the next. Very well written indeed. Six stars for this one and on my WL until I move about my shelf.
A great job well done.
Brian.

Hi Antonello! I read your book! :-) Was bummed that there wasn't more. :-) You have a great story going. very imaginative. I feel like I become familiar with the author through their writing, and your writing makes me like you very much. :-) don't know if that makes any sense at all, but your values, and your faith, and your thoughtfulness all come through in your writing. :-)
but I told you I am ruthless with these critiques, so are you ready for the "nitty-gritty"? :-)

Present tense-1st person is harder for me to read, but not a bad thing. But you do have to be more careful when you use this type of writing. Its harder to keep the tense parallel, or similar.
For example, in one paragraph you have : "I had known Father . . ":
then "He baptized . . ."
then "he taught me . . "
then He had done so much . . "
In this case, where your hero is going back into the past, you might want to use "had" for each of the sentences. In the current part of the story sometimes you use simple past like "went" and "ran", which we often use when we are talking about something that is happening now. but then sometimes you use simple present, "is, runs, hops" and sometimes another form "started making" , "approaching,' "the office calling" .
more varied verb tense examples: "People began making . . " "officers were making" . . "I made my way"

Just something to think about.

Most of your writing flows well, but there were a couple of complicated scenes that I think would do really well to simplify:
"We continued chatting till the sound that I despise most when visiting with my family was heard and felt on the right side of my jeans-my cell phone vibrating." cute! but too much. sometimes I get so involved in creating fun sentences, that I forget about the story. If it takes away from or slows the story, ya gotta take it out. :-) try just saying how it is : "we continued chatting till I heard the sound that I despise most when visiting with family--my cell phone. That tells me they were talking, and he enjoys talking with family, and he hates it when his cell phone pulls him away from his family.

Same with the next sentence - "The only people who would call me at this time would be either Option A-Nick Lorenzo- my best friend since grade school and partner at the station, or Option B- the station calling even though today was my day off." (another tense conflict here too- "calling" is present and "today was my day off" -past- you need to choose and use the same for both)
(ok, maybe its just this reader- but if you were to simplify- maybe split the thoughts into 2 complete sentences it might flow and read easier. Try reading it out loud and see how it feels to you.

The following are just a few odds and ends that are a little awkward. They just need a better verb, or a little twist to help them make better sense. Dont take this as "bible truth", just look, see what you think, and dump it, if it doesn't work for you. :-)
You wrote, " I was also ignoring the stop signs which were not very wise on my part." sounds like the stop signs were not very wise. Just change the "were" to "was". :-)
You wrote, "Endless number of drivers " needs to be "an endless number of drivers," or "endless numbers of drivers.
You wrote, "At other times I would have . . " just awkward. Try "Any other time, I would have,. . ."
You wrote, "The hot sun started making my shirt stick,. . ." try to stay away from started . .. or began . . . Your action stops instantly with those words. Try "the hot sun made my shirt stick to the sweat running down my back." Okay, not real good, but you get the idea. Use verbs.
You wrote, "I began coming into view the crime scene." (missing "of" (into view of the crime scene" and there's that "began " again. not needed. Try "I came into view of the crime scene." or even better, "the crime scene came into view"

You wrote, "But all that would change once people would hear the devastating news." I know english grammer is awful, but this is a spot where you dont want "would " in both places. "But all that would change once people heard the devastating news." because the "change" that would happen would be in the future while the people hearing the news would be in the past. :-)

Dont give up ! You're doing great! :-) don't hate me for doing this! :-) I wouldn't be writing so much if I didn't think it was worth it. :-)

K- You wrote, "Approaching him with fast moving speed." just weird- less is still more! :-) try approaching him fast!" or use the WORD thesaurus to find a fun word to use for "fast". but keep it simple. how would you say that. How do you talk. Write how you talk. don't try to make it fancy.

you write."I just hope their souls are at peace as opposed to their bodies. " First I have to make the mental shift in the middle of the paragraph because the sentence just before that was about the murderer, and I'm certain you are talking about the victims now. Then the last part of the sentence is just awkward. I would work on this one a bit and see if you cant smooth it out some. Maybe they love these priests so much they don't have to HOPE their souls are at peace, but they can feel peace that these men are ok now, inspite of the condition of their mutilated bodies.

you wrote " He wanted them to know who was responsible for their deaths. Therefore, Tom had removed his skii mask. . ." Try putting these sentences together with the word "so" instead of "therefore" and it might sound more natural.

"veagance would always lead to a bitter-sweet feeling" I don't understand this at all. Is Tom saying that it felt good to kill these men, or not. ??what is the bitter feeling and what is the sweet feeling? and the word "always" makes me think this has been a way of life for him, when the story tells us that it was a one time thing, because of the hatred his holds for these men. Also I thought if you wanted to, you could really dig into this man's soul here. He used to be a priest! His life was ruined by these men, but he is still human. Thoughts and feelings run deep, unless he turned mentally ill. I wonder if a part of him wasn't repulsed by what he had done, even for a moment.

you wrote, " we both kneeled near the bodies and stayed silent," Try "we both knelt near the bodies and shared a moment of silence."

Chapter 12 and 13 picked up my interest when you started to imply more mystery. That is fun in a book. Your book starts out introducing us to the mind of the murderer right away, but its always good to leave some questions unanswered, to keep us wondering. :-)

"slamming the phone door" (I think you meant "slamming the phone down" )???
"the memory was still crystal clear to here" ( did you mean crystal clear to her"?)

You wrote "why do you think she didn't tell us earlier of what she has to tell us now" the words "of what" are kind of messy. you can simplify that sentence. :-)

So there's a good go. :-) Lots to look at. Like I said, just dump what you dont need. I wont be offended. I just love it when I get a good critique, because this is the only way I can learn to write. I cant take any more classes right now, and this is free! :-)
I did learn a ton from this book I found online though, "Self editing for Fiction Writers" by Renni Browne and dave King. It will take your book to a whole new level!!! :-) You have some great stuff here. You have a great mind for writing and I can tell you love it. So dont give up! I'll keep you on my watch list. I cant put you on my shelf right now, but Work on your book. update it, and I'll help you climb up the ladder.

Good luck!!
Jeannette Singleton
Journey to Kalado're

Hello,
I've read the prologue and chapters 1-4. I liked it. The concept was different yet familiar. I like crime solving stuff and the religious aspect tied in makes it unique. If I may make a suggestion about chapters sizes. You might try to make them a bit longer. Aside from that, it's a pretty good read. I will add you to my WL and try to come back soon to read more. Best of luck to you. :)
-Julie Rainey
The Journey Home

An interesting evolving story. A good length for a chapter in my opinion is between 3,000 and 5,000 words, though many like shorter chapters, though still, at least 1,000 words.
To be backed, (within a few days.)

Hi Antonello, I took a look at chapters 4 and 5, (5 & 6 on here). I love the idea of the pitch and story didn't disappoint. It is very sad that this kind of thing happened, I think exploring the circumstances and fictional murders may help real people to be safe and that can only be a good thing. You have a fantastic writing skill and the characters were easy to identify with and follow. I felt like I was watching an episode of of one of those CSI programs. You will certainly find an audience and I expect this will be very successful, well done.

Kindest Regards and Best Wishes
Lenny Banks - Tide and Time: At The Rock.
You are welcome to read, rate and comment on my book, when you have time available.

Hi,
I've read through chapter 3 as listed by the site, your chapter 2, and it's a well crafted piece of work. Revealing the identity and motive of the murderer so early on is a departure from the norm but I can see ways that this can be pulled off, such as making the killer a more central character than usual and going for that angle rather than the more mystery take on things.
Critique wise I don't really have anything as the chapters are short and punchy and as such I feel like I haven't done any more than scratch the surface. A good solid start and the most constructive advice I can give us not related to your story but to your use of the site. If no-one has already pointed this out to respond to a comment hit "send message" not "reply". Replies on these pages go unseen unless the reader returns for more and spots it. Sending a message means the person is far more likely to actually receive and view your response.
Best wishes,
James

Good evening CD,
I want to thank you for accepting my friend request. As well, thank you for putting my book on your watchlist and commenting my book. I look forward hearing from you. Have a great evening!
Antonello

Antonello, that is a tasty pitch you have there. I will put you on my wl and star and comment on you on Killer Rumors. Thank you for the friend request, I appreciate that very much. C D Wooldridge/Disappearing in Elmendorf Texas

Good evening,
Thank you for your comments. I appreciate your feedback. I look forward hearing what you have to say for the rest of the book. Thank you and have a great evening!

I have read your first five chapters. I really like how you relate your main character's back ground history. He seems likable. I am curious as to why you revealed the culprit at the beginning of your book. I found your story interesting and I will be back to read more. :)

I have read your first five chapters. I really like how you relate your main character's back ground history. He seems likable. I am curious as to why you revealed the culprit at the beginning of your book. I found your story interesting and I will be back to read more. :)

Hi Antonello,
I'm continuing my read from where I was, on Chapter 9 and read until 12. I wish I had more time or I had a paperback copy to carry with me at all times.

I'm happy to see that the dynamism of the story is increasing. Your characters are well developed and the dialogues between them are crisp, most importantly - believable.

You have a great story here and once you do the final editing with a fresh pair of eyes, it will shine like gold. This is one of the reasons why I love Authonomy, as it gives us the chance to go over and over until our novels gets polished enough to be published.

I also like the cinematic approach as you manage to reflect visuality. The plot flows well.
6 stars remain and in my WL as always for further comments,
Lucette- Ten Deep Footprints

Dear Antonello, I have finished 10 chapters of your book.
Your protagonist Frank Rinelli is a very human character, that all of us can relate to.
Your way of story-telling,plot, creativity, the way the supporting characters , including Tom,have been sketched-is simply awesome.
The best thing I love about the story is - usually, cops and forensics in criminal investigations tend to be shown as cold and professional;but Rinelli has been shown as a decent man, who, tough on the outside, is a feeling,thinking human inside-and how he feels revolted and sad on seeing the corpses. I also like the way he has faith in love and relationships.
The only thorn in the way of an excellent narrative is the tense. In the first chapter itself, you have confused the tenses a bit. Chap 2 is in present tense, while from 3, you again revert to past tense.

This happens sometimes with me too-while writing the story I tend to get lost and put my tenses wrong;I suggest that, since the narration is in first person, you put everything in past tense. That way, your story won't lose its flow.
A liitle more editing in places...for e.g.- in Ch.1, you may mention Father D'Angelo and Father Bakeman's full name, and in later allusions, use 'Father' before both their names, since 'Father D'Angelo and Bakeman' sounds a little absurd; community was fully aware they were being 'prayed for';seven years 'had' passed, or 'have' passed.
Other than that, you have a brilliant, gripping story and I am sure this book will do well. Will comment again when I read more.Love, Percy
PS: I have a special spot for Frank Rinelli, since I am a huge fan of Italy-its food,culture,rich history and people :) :)-so I like Italian-Americans as well :D
PS: Would love to have your comments and ratings on RAGE.

Thank you for your feedback and comments. It means a lot. It was very nice of you.
In return, I will be reading your story and leaving you comments. Wishing you all the best!

Killer Rumors by Antonello Fiore
Gripping story.
I think you have an amazing piece here. The story is really well developed and crafted.
Each character is well created with unique characteristics that keep them separate.
Clearly you have a talent for developing the plot and the hook points.
There are a few rough places, but the story is really good.
Good Work.

Shelby Z./Driving Winds

P.S. Please read my pirate adventure Driving Winds.

Killer Rumors by Antonello Fiore
Gripping story.
I think you have an amazing piece here. The story is really well developed and crafted.
Each character is well created with unique characteristics that keep them separate.
Clearly you have a talent for developing the plot and the hook points.
There are a few rough places, but the story is really good.
Good Work.

Shelby Z./Driving Winds

P.S. Please read my pirate adventure Driving Winds.

Hello,

Very well written. Normally I skip prologues but I enjoyed yours and read on to ch. 1. So far I think you have a wonderful narractive and great story here. No typos and/or grammer issues so awesome job. 6/6 stars well earned! Can't wait to read what you think of mine.

R Toy-Sintent

Dear Antonello,

I read your first six chapters completely for pleasure. This is a wonderful, gripping story line with authentic, rich characters. I love the way the prologue sets the stage perfectly. You masterfully tell us everything we need to know about Tom. Then, the switch to Rinelli's warm family dinner provides such a stark contrast to what is coming. I especially like the italicized inner thoughts of Rinelli throughout the piece (ie: "You just can't miss a warrior" and "How could a human being do this to two priests?"). You give the reader a real sense of his deepest thoughts. This promotes such an important emotional connection for the reader. The mystery surrounding the crime scene is something right out of CSI...intense, authentic, and mysteriously intriguing. There are so many elements yet to be determined, and the reader feels this every step of the way. I am giving you all six stars and holding on my WL in hopes of giving you some much deserved shelf space if I am able.

All the very best,
Faith Rose
Now To Him

Hi Antonello,
I read the first nine chapters in a heartbeat as I liked the plot and I think that your characterization is superb.

Your first-person voice is crisp and honest. I spotted no typos or grammatical mistakes, and your writing style certainly delivers.

Cinematic descriptions and realistic dialogue -which are the key essentials in a novel- are present at Killer Rumors. I see a lot of potential for the book and I'm sure a lot of people will enjoy your well-executed, punchy chapters.

I gave you 6/6 stars and look forward to reading more,
Best wishes,
Lucette Cohen Fins - Ten Deep Footprints

Thank you for your comments and feedback Bree. It means a lot. Wishing you all the best!

This story is superb, the plotline was very well done and it really pulls you in.
I quite enjoy Rinelli as a character and in total most of your characters were very well written!
The descriptions are well done without being excessive.
I didn't notice too many errors in regards to grammar besides a few missing commas.
I didn't have time to read it all, but I love what I've read so far.
Kudos on your novel, I wish you luck and high stars :)

- Bree

P.S. Your pitch is FANTASTIC.

This story is superb, the plotline was very well done and it really pulls you in.
I quite enjoy Rinelli as a character and in total most of your characters were very well written!
The descriptions are well done without being excessive.
I didn't notice too many errors in regards to grammar besides a few missing commas.
I didn't have time to read it all, but I love what I've read so far.
Kudos on your novel, I wish you luck and high stars :)

- Bree

P.S. Your pitch is FANTASTIC.

Thank you for your honest feedback- it means a lot. You hit the nail on the wall. My intention is to hook my audience into reading more and hopefully be satisfied with the work and passion that I have crafted. Thank you again!

Wow, you have crafted the perfect hook, the prologue. It conjure up an intriguing and explosive story

It doesn't matter if the rest of the book doesn't live up to expectation because its the first page sells a book

well done

Max stars but will continue reading

This reminds of a movie, I think it had Edward Norton in it where a priest was killed at the opening. I like the story. And your writing is good, didn't notice any errors. The chapters are short which is great for on here, but just wondering how they would fare in a book. I think you do a little too much telling, more showing would help. But great story, and really good job.

Abby

Dear Antonello,
What else could I do than to rate your work at most?
You use curiosity of your readers and with all mysteries you keep them reading. Your plot is not only easy to follow. Your characters great and naturaly discribed. I enjoyed your dialogue.
Well done! It is very intelligent book.
Congratulations to an amazing crime novel and best luck with it.
It deserves to be published and I hope it will find its way to many readers.
Thank you for sharing!

This is a very well-written crime novel. The plot reads smoothly, the dialogue is natural and authentic, and the characters are very real. I did read all of your uploaded chapters and want to read the rest of the story to find out who "The Solution" is and to see Tom Branchart caught. Excellent work!

The novel captivates the reader from the very beginning with the murders of Frather D'Angelo and Bakeman as they go on their evening walk from St. Mary's church. The murderer, Tom Branchard, is immediately revealed and the reader thinks he will be responsible for the remaining murders in the book, but that will not be the case.

The story then smoothly takes us to Detective Frank Rinelli having Sunday lunch with his sister, Sandra and her husband, Sam Washborne, and Frank's two nieces: Vanessa and Stephanie when Lieutenant Walter "Warrior" Parson calls Frank to investigate the murders of the priests. (Small typo here. You write, "in my deepest slee: my boss...." I think you meant, "in my deepest sleep: my boss....." )

Frank discovers that the murderer engraved Matthew 5:38-42 on both priests' chests and realizes that this is a murder of revenge. He and his best friend, Nick Lorenzo, later go to talk with Natalie, secretary at the priests' church and hear her arguing with Sister Rosalina and Sister Chloe about Tom.

Later Frank and Nick try to get in touch with Natalie again but are unable to do so. Meantime we see Tom watching Natalie as she goes into her apartment and then Tom sees Natalie followed by a man with a trenchcoat, "The Solution," go into her apartment. Frank and Nick go to Natalie's apartment and find the door open and blood on the floor. What a cliffhanger you left us with! Now, I have to read on!

I love mysteries and, as a psychologist, am interested in criminal behavior, so your book fascinates me! It's written so well that even with a large cast of characters, the plot is still easy to follow. I believe this will become a very popular book when published. Please let me know when it is published as I want a copy. Highly rated and you have my very best wishes for publication and the success of your excellent novel.

Sincerely,
Patricia Laster
"Breaking Free"

Even though this isn’t my usual genre, your pitch interested me. I think your book read very smoothly and easily. The verse and apple and beta symbol and the idea that the nuns knew something, but were keeping quiet, were all mysteries that kept me reading. I'm not sure where your chapters are leading, but do know that in some instances, regardless of denomination, churches can be not what they appear on the surface. I'm thinking that the priests might have a shady side to them and yet, am hoping to see some sort of redemptive value in the end, as no one deserves such revenge. I saw only two typos. Ch. 12 Lorenzzo and I made our way to our office cubicles(,) which don’t (take out ‘not’) have (take out ‘that’) much space; Ch. 16 “Detective, I didn’t tell you the whore (whole) truth…” I think this was interesting and well written. Best wishes,

Kara
A Gate Called Beautiful