Fantastica VOLUME 2 (Unpublished Version)

Fantastica Volume 2 (Unpublished Version)
Again, I'm amazed at your imaginative mind and where you've taken the reader in this second volume. But having said that Victorio, please allow me to give you some guidelines as far as using dialogue is concerned. Dialogue is necessary to keep the body of a story together, just like a skeleton keeps our bodies straight up, or gives us a definite shape, encourages movement (obviously much more involved) Dialogue helps the reader to form a mental picture of the characters, whether he comes to love or hate them is immaterial, because you as a writer would have succeeded in creating a live "person" - character :-) For example in your very imaginative chapter called, "Dope, Redd and One take flight from the great city" you tell us how Joe learned to speak and he tells Redd about it. So we are in a narrative situation. Could you perhaps change it to dialogue? I'm using your words from this piece to keep your original thoughts intact. For example.
"Redd, I'll do my best to explain to you as vividly as I can what happened when my rodent family and I found out how to speak," Joe said to him.
Redd exlaimed, "I just can't believe it!"
"Oh yes," Joe continued, "my uncle Bub also had such a transferance of the Emperor's powers in the beginning."
"Are you serious, Joe?" Redd asked. (In this paragraph you have to use Joe said, or Redd retorted, because Roy and Abby are also there, but if it were only the two of them and you've set the scene description BEFORE their dialogue the reader would know who is speaking).
"Actually, Redd, I obtained that same power to an even higher degree," Joe remarked earnestly.
"I must admit, despite what you have told me about those two birds, Roy and Abby, I'm convinced they're not as articulate as you are."
Before using any further dialogue, you could now continue with a bit of a description of the forest and then while the birds are flying around Redd's head and he has Joe on his shoulder they could speak some more. :-) Further commendation is that in this chapter your paragraphs have become shorter, so if you can "show" , rather than just "tell" or narrate by using active rather than passive verbs your story will become even better. But for what I've read up to now and the imagination of it all I must give you many stars for starters and wish you all the best with your writing during 2013
Maretha
African Adventures of Flame, Family, Furry and Feathered Friends

I began reading this and enjoyed your sense of humor and like the concept,
but the pargraphs are simply too blocky. Not sure if this is an authonomy slip or just your preference of formatting but being entirely honest, reading computer screens in general give me a headache, and your huge paragraphs didn't do much to help.

I like the high vocabulary in this, it odds to the quirky world of your old characters.

I'd love to continue reading this though so please message me if you decide to change the format.

God bless

I love your sense of humor! Your details are vivid and well-drawn. I felt pulled into the bizarre and silly world of Dope, Shit, Redd, and the obese, orange Louie. I've given Fantastica Volume 2 a top star ranking. My only humble suggestion would be to break up your paragraphs into shorter ones because they are quite long. It's easier for the reader to follow long scenes (such as in chapter one) if it's broken down into shorter paragraphs.