Moon Racer

This is gold. A gripping exposé of a time and place that is ill-recorded and unjustly forgotten. There was a lot happening in Honduras, Nicaragua and El Salvador in the day and it played a lot bigger role in the ultimate demise of the global proliferation of communism than most recognize. Insurgents that the soviets trained and then left high and dry after their withdraw still roam the hills and wreak havoc. The "delincuentes", as they are called, have been slow to give up their job skills and the waft of coca in the background gives them cause not too.

Fantastic job Raymond. This is a story that should be told.

MOON RACER:

Raymond,

I was drawn by your title. Everything about the moon fascinates me. That it turns out to be a yacht was even better news. And being a thriller writer myself, I'm always curious to see how other people do it. This one is very different from mine, and it's one of the joys of the Authonomy site - you get to read outside your comfort zone and realise that there a zillion ways to write thrillers.

I particularly like thrillers written in the first person because of the immediacy it lends to the story. But after reading two chapters I wasn't quite sure whether I'd be happy with the chatting to the reader bits. I suppose I'd get used to it, and you must have a good reason for doing it this way. But writing is such a strange phenomenon; it has a mind of its own and sometimes takes us down unknown paths. And this of course is what we call "flair", and you have it in chunks.

I like the dry humour that seems to roll off your pen with such ease. I also like the English/Spanish mix - very colourful and realistic. The premise promises a roller-coaster of a story and the narrator is surely going to be put through it in no uncertain terms.

Backed, with my best wishes.

Sheila (Pinpoint)

As somebody who would not know how to begin to write a thriller, I think this is excellent stuff. You drew me in from your first paragraph. I love the MC's voice, so easy to identify with, and it flows beautifully. I especially like books written in the first person - the immediacy is so compelling - and the chatty style you command effortlessly works well. I also like the change in time, which adds to the mystery. I've read to chapter five and will be back for more.
Unusual, intriguing and backed, of course.
Best Wishes
Anna (Black Damask)

Moon Racer

Hi Raymond,

Why is this not higher in the charts? It must be down to you not having enough time to read and review to drum up the interest. This is an explosively written thriller, I love the emotionally engagement of the first line and how that continues into the next few chapters. Stream of consciousness stuff where we are experiencing his thoughts first hand and having to work out ourselves what is going on. I like the time-slip thing, Day Six back to Day One, it adds to the intrigue. This is a classy piece of thriller writing, different enough from what's already out there to be interesting and it deserves to do well. Don't be surprised if you see me in the forums promoting this one. I will come back to read more when there is time, I actually want to find out what happens - backed.

I would welcome your views on my book if you have the time.

Best wishes and good luck
Andrew W.
(Sanctuary's Loss)

I have only read 2 chapters so far but this is gripping stuff. High stars and on my watch list. I will be back. yours Bea

Bart Driscoll is a hugely endearing character for all his cynicism and bad-boy behaviour. And you write some of the wittiest dialogue that I’ve read in a long while. There are too many examples to select from but in particular I thought that as a put-down this one was hard to beat: ‘Hello, Javier. I thought the next time I’d see you would be in the Obits.’
I don’t generally like a narrator talking directly to the reader either and when I read a thriller I like to see the thrill element kick in during the first few pages. Yet you defy the conventions and make it look easy. Respect.
When is this going to be available from Amazon? In time for the November election, I hope. I think that the history according to Bart Driscoll of US foreign policy in Central America should be compulsory in all schools, including ours in the UK. Maybe, just maybe that might help when it comes to the ballot-box. Although I suspect that in Bart Driscoll’s world, whichever side gets in, it will be back to the same-old same-old.

Thanks for giving me the opportunity to read your writing, Raymond.

Alison (Lambert Nagle)
Revolution Earth

CH 2. Just finished. Thanks for the free read.
Cheers Norton

Started getting really sticky for me when Riley comes in around Washington DC. First Chapter took me a half hour to read. My opinion for what it is worth is shorter chapters on-line. If you had a bookmark you could bail out and come back easy but as it is if you come back days later you have to start all over. As to your story and writing it is top drawer stuff. If everything that follows is as well set up as CH1 I would buy this. Great title as well. There is no discernible difference between this book and stuff I have paid money for. It is as good as anything I have read here. Like a few other books I have backed I think it is simply publishing fashion that sees some printed and others not. I am putting this on my shelf because it deserves to be there. In a day or two I will remember the writing style Moon Racer reminds me of. It is nagging at me. Great work.

easy to read, enjoyable read; the main character is likable, making this all the better,,,on my watchlist...
read SEASONS...

A real thriller set in central america during the cold war turned hot, great setting. i'm not always a fan of first person but you have pulled it off well. Backed.

Your highly descriptive writing style coupled with your use of the first person narrative makes your finely crafted novel a pleasure to read. You have created a perfect anti-hero in Brad. Your work is well paced, I especially like your use of short paragraphs, it is well written and your character development is solid. Backed with pleasure.

Cheers,
Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

This is gold. A gripping exposé of a time and place that is ill-recorded and unjustly forgotten. There was a lot happening in Honduras, Nicaragua and El Salvador in the day and it played a lot bigger role in the ultimate demise of the global proliferation of communism than most recognize. Insurgents that the soviets trained and then left high and dry after their withdraw still roam the hills and wreak havoc. The "delincuentes", as they are called, have been slow to give up their job skills and the waft of coca in the background gives them cause not too.

Fantastic job Raymond. This is a story that should be told.

Hi Raymond and how are you? Well, from what I have read so far, I have to sat that I loved it. Good voice, good humour and obviously, a great story. I think, in time, people will catch on and this book, and will undoubtidly, rev up the charts.

Congratulations on this Raymond and I want to back it.

Hope you get the chance to take a little pek at The Russian Hat

BACKED

Sincerly
Brendan Doherty
The Russian Hat

Thanks for recommending Moon Racer. Yes this presses a lot of buttons for me. Reminds me of my first trips to Guatemala and El Salvador.

As a reader of a lot of spy novels and I find it immensely refreshing to get more than a cameo portrayal of the battle wizened cold warrior. Ludlum was good at this sort of thing – as in the Bourne Identity. You get a lot of depth into your MC up front. And that’s what makes us identify, that’s what makes us root for our hero, and that’s what gratifies us as readers. Great attitude, great spunk – we've all got a little Driscoll inside and there’s nothing greater than a little vicarious living.

Your writing style deepens the experience – painting and pacing scenes with realistic thoughts, sharp, witty metaphors, handles and analogies.

Thanks for recommending Moon Racer. Yes this presses a lot of buttons for me. Reminds me of my first trips to Guatemala and El Salvador.

As a reader of a lot of spy novels and I find it immensely refreshing to get more than a cameo portrayal of the battle wizened cold warrior. Ludlum was good at this sort of thing – as in the Bourne Identity. You get a lot of depth into your MC up front. And that’s what makes us identify, that’s what makes us root for our hero, and that’s what gratifies us as readers. Great attitude, great spunk – we've all got a little Driscoll inside and there’s nothing greater than a little vicarious living.

Your writing style deepens the experience – paining and pacing scenes with realistic thoughts, sharp, witty metaphors, handles and analogies.

Dear Raymond, I love your footnotes - they really accent your story. :) Hope you write some more stories. :) Before I began to read your book, I was prepared by your recap/pitch,which was very well done. :) Your story is good because you create interest by having short paragraphs & lots of dialogue, which makes me want to keep reading to find out what's going to happen next. I'm "backing" your book: When you back a book, it only improves the ranking of that book, not yours. However, the author whose book you are backing may decide to back your book also, in which case yes, your ranking would be improved...authonomy. :) Please "back" my TWO memoir books, "He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not" & my completed memoir unedited version? "Tell Me True Love Stories," which tells at the end, my illness now & 6th abusive marriage." Thanks, Susie :)
p.s. Remember: Every time you place a book on your bookshelf, your recommendation pushes the book up the rankings. And while that book sits on your bookshelf, your reputation as a talent spotter increases depending on how well that book performs. :)

Raymond, I will admit to this not being my sort of read, but I was attracted to the point you made about refusing to play the game. Same with me, as I am far more interested in critiques. Reading other genres has introduced me to excellent work and excellent writing, so I focused on this as I read yours. This is the case with yours. Well written, starts off slow but builds momentum, and just enough detail to make it all seem like a true story. I usually shy away from first person accounts simply because it’s so hard to pull off, but you are certainly successful.
Wish I could somehow offer helpful critique, but your writing is far superior to mine.
Backed.
Paul (www.pauldaytonscifi.com)

We’ve Seen the Enemy

hi Raymond, this is highly entertaining and humorous. You are a master at creating situational atmosphere. The I-character brims with individuality and the scenes are well drawn. I just loved the 'to me' description of the badtempered official. The first chapter created plenty of suspense, the reading experience is pleasurable and I want to know what happens next. On shelf.

Congratulations for moon racer !

Raymond: like your long pitch. The short pitch is too generic; give me something more specific. Perfecting your pitches is how you climb in ranking to gather more exposure and comments to better your novel. With that said you can edit your pitches and make them better. But the writing is good so I am SHELVING you.

Though I have been a very active member for over a year, I can still use your comments on my book when you get the chance. Every little bit helps. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau Key

This is a good story. You have a good character in Drito scoll. He has his problems but he's both feisty and likable. Makes a reader want to follow his adventure to see how this all turns out. Your writing style is a good one for thrillers; you describe just enough background a reader always knows where he/she is; not so much you bog down the flow of the story. Makes this a good read. I'm adding this to my shelf. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

This would make a great audio book. The droll way you have your MC talk, the asides and observations would while away the longest car journey. Only had chance to read a couple of chapters but the build up captures the interest. The bits of Spanish had me quizzing my other half, who speaks a bit - donde es le burro? etc. but the gist is clear enough. Your cover caught my eye at first, then your pitch made me want to read some more and I'm glad I did. Made for an interesting coffee break read, thanks for sharing it. Jim Darcy The Firelord's Crown

Thank you Mark, in the eleven point three minutes since I again updated this and made it public you have read all fifty nine thousand words and been able to comment. I thank for your consideration and your insight...RT

Reading a novel is like being in a car and taking a journey. The narrator is driving. And whether he drives fast and cruises the curves or whether he’s pedestrian and pokes through the plot - he’s in control.

Now in a thriller - the author is pushing that pedal and speeding through the plot and the reader must know that the narrator is in compete control so that the reader can relax and feel thrilled. A poor writer insists that the reader provides a map. A competent writer handles the steering wheel and takes the reader from start to finish. A competent writer doesn’t force the reader to whiplash through the plot points. Well, which reader wants to close the book and have a headache?

Yet a great writer maneuvers the reader through an intricate plot with twists and thrills and terror traps and leaves the reader with a thumping heartbeat and sweaty palms and a grin that reaches lobe to lobe. And a great writer does that by remaining an authoritarian. He uses declarative sentences and makes assertions and reminds the reader that he’s gripping the wheel and masterfully twirling that steering wheel.

A passive narrative voice makes the reader stop and pull out a map to follow the writer. Thrillers need a narrator with a swagger and a fully grown pair and the confidence to smile and slur, "get in the car" as he slides the keys out of his pocket. A thriller deserves a cocky chauffeur.

Lose all the coulda/shoulda/probably/mighta words. And then you’ll have what you want this to be.

Mark R. Trost
“Post Marked”

As somebody who would not know how to begin to write a thriller, I think this is excellent stuff. You drew me in from your first paragraph. I love the MC's voice, so easy to identify with, and it flows beautifully. I especially like books written in the first person - the immediacy is so compelling - and the chatty style you command effortlessly works well. I also like the change in time, which adds to the mystery. I've read to chapter five and will be back for more.
Unusual, intriguing and backed, of course.
Best Wishes
Anna (Black Damask)

MOON RACER:

Raymond,

I was drawn by your title. Everything about the moon fascinates me. That it turns out to be a yacht was even better news. And being a thriller writer myself, I'm always curious to see how other people do it. This one is very different from mine, and it's one of the joys of the Authonomy site - you get to read outside your comfort zone and realise that there a zillion ways to write thrillers.

I particularly like thrillers written in the first person because of the immediacy it lends to the story. But after reading two chapters I wasn't quite sure whether I'd be happy with the chatting to the reader bits. I suppose I'd get used to it, and you must have a good reason for doing it this way. But writing is such a strange phenomenon; it has a mind of its own and sometimes takes us down unknown paths. And this of course is what we call "flair", and you have it in chunks.

I like the dry humour that seems to roll off your pen with such ease. I also like the English/Spanish mix - very colourful and realistic. The premise promises a roller-coaster of a story and the narrator is surely going to be put through it in no uncertain terms.

Backed, with my best wishes.

Sheila (Pinpoint)

As a whole very good writing. Enjoyed your characterisations and the way the story progressed with great timing.

BACKED

Intriguing. I love the title & cover + the teaser (the 'mantra') is a great hook. Also, I like the MC's voice, not quite Chandler-noir but cynical enough for my tastes. My major problem is I have no idea where this Cuyamas is (geography not my strong suit). Did I miss something? IMO you over-capitalise, eg Lobby, Tarmac, Crap etc. but this story feels unusual, a big plus in the thriller field. Backed.

To begin, I think you meant to say, "This is the enf OF the line...." and not "This is the end OFF the line..." The rest of the book is simply a good read. I cobfess that this isn't my usual genre to pick up, but I think you make Bart a strangely likable character...and for me, that's what really sells the book.

Lockjaw

This rolled up on the home page and the pitch was interesting, so I came by for a read. I have to admit that the opening and the time shifting was difficult for me -- particularly the day 6/day 2 jump. I probably would have been ok with a hint of intrigue and a linear jump but the back and forth made me wonder as a reader where were were going and what was so important that you had to tell me now. There wasnt anything in the initial day 6 blurb that ultimately held meaning in my opinion so I think you could cut it.

That said, I went on through chapter 2 and here you really held my attention. I love the spattering of spanish and how you kept the definition largely in context (the footnotes were equally welcome). Here I really got a flavor for the scene and the characters. The plot started to unfold. The last line of the chapter is satisfying (in that I could pause if I wished in a true chapter break) but leaves enough of a hint to get you to turn the page. Nice work. Best of luck.

You clearly have a talent for writing judging by the vivid descriptions you have used. I did find the leaping from days, backwards, forwards, backwards etc, some getting used to. The reader must be persistent and persevere because the storyline itself is full of intrigue which keeps you thinking. It will be interesting to see how later chapters pan out.
Frank

Let's be frank here - I don't read a lot of all-out thrillers so am floundering in the mud a little as I don't have a firm grip on the conventions. So ignore this is it is way out of line! Also I am no editor and can only comment on how it feels to me as a reader.
You can clearly write a storm and have a sharp clear voice. You can summon up a mood or a place with a few words which is a real art. Dialogue feels absolutely real too. Loved 'Es importante to me.'

I guess my problem with this falls into two main areas. Firstly I am not a huge fan of the narrator chatting to the reader - and that is purely a personal prejudice so not an issue probably. To my mind, it takes us slightly out of the action and also reassures us that everything is going to be okay (and really, to my mind, we don't want to know that in a thriller - we want to think the MC might end up in a pool of blood or at least horribly scarred!).
Secondly, I had a real problem with the jumping time frame. At first I thought I liked it but then I got a bit dizzy. I know this is dead boring but I liked the way the narrative kicked off on Day One.....
Sooo, see what I mean? I love the writing but am probably just too thick to handle thriller genre (I'm one of those annoying people who watch thrillers and at the end turn round and say, 'but what was it all about?' !).

I'll happily back this as it's great writing - just not my game.
Jane
WALKER

Moon Racer

Hi Raymond,

Why is this not higher in the charts? It must be down to you not having enough time to read and review to drum up the interest. This is an explosively written thriller, I love the emotionally engagement of the first line and how that continues into the next few chapters. Stream of consciousness stuff where we are experiencing his thoughts first hand and having to work out ourselves what is going on. I like the time-slip thing, Day Six back to Day One, it adds to the intrigue. This is a classy piece of thriller writing, different enough from what's already out there to be interesting and it deserves to do well. Don't be surprised if you see me in the forums promoting this one. I will come back to read more when there is time, I actually want to find out what happens - backed.

I would welcome your views on my book if you have the time.

Best wishes and good luck
Andrew W.
(Sanctuary's Loss)

Hi Raymond,
just stopping by as promised last month, with a few random comments:
The pitch: I'd take out the words in brackets: a (semi-fictional) country (called) / the same place (where) he was... / Driscoll (, who) would like... / then write 'But then he begins to....' / When (he is) called in to visit (with) a man... / and remove the last sentence - don't give us too much!
ch 1: after 'At least that's what they told me, ... then' I'd put DAY 6, to make it clear we're jumping about.
Intriguing opening, lots of hints about what has gone on between day 2 and day 6.
The Spanish is pretty good, just change these to: 'Tengo vuestros pasaportes' / 'vosotros' to 'vuestros' again (good point on the difference between Spain and Central America) / no es importante / you'll need to replace a few n's with ñ's - maybe you can cut and paste from here: señor, mañana, baños.
Hope that helps, Raymond.
Cheers,
Simon

I like what I've read so far, and you have chosen a good title. My main criticism at this point would be some of the sentence structure. I think some of your sentences could be broken up into several shorter ones to give them more impact. They seem to ramble on a bit at times. I like the story, though.

You are right! There is a conflict here in Driscoll. He is uncomfortable with life other than the narrow defile into which he has placed himself and he rambles attempting to understand his role. As memories flood back due to the oddity of his current assignment he attempts to revive the old Bart Driscoll but he has forgotten so much that as a defense, he retreats behind the 'asshole' character he finds apposite to the situation.

In later chapters Driscoll emerges as more of a person when we see him as he once was, confronting the evil of the 'Contra' operation he once embraced. When Driscoll, as did 'Lord Jim', realizes that consequences must be accepted for the actions of Fate, in spite of his best efforts to will things differently, he surfaces as the hero he always wanted to be.

This book is very nearly finished, with a word count approaching 77000,(not yet completely uploaded) although I have done no editing at this point. While everything here is, as written, there must be the the shortening that you refer to as I have a tendency to string things together.

Thank you for your comments and be assured I will be looking at 'Minotaur' in the near future. RT

I like what I've read so far, and you have chosen a good title. My main criticism at this point would be some of the sentence structure. I think some of your sentences could be broken up into several shorter ones to give them more impact. They seem to ramble on a bit at times. I like the story, though.