Charlie and Camilla Cross the Pond
To Di For
By MICHAEL DICKINSON
And so, our self-proclaimed 'Defender of Faiths', Bummy Prince Charlie sets off across the Pond on an official visit to his ex-colonies with a brand new wife in tow, (or is it the other way round?)
Wales and Cornwall are off for a week in the States, apparently to boost the British tourist industry which has slumped since the July London bombings. The itinerary includes coffee with Koffi at the United Nations, and pudding and pie with Georgie at the Whitehouse.
Officials at Clarence House announced that the royal couple's trip was aimed at "highlighting some of the many links which bind the two countries together and have done for many years".
Since the discovery and conquest of America, the theft of the land, the genocide and subjection of the native inhabitants; the forced kidnap and displacement of natives from Africa to work as slaves; the illegal forced invasion and occupation of other countries. Very linked and bound.
"It will also focus on the vital importance of the economic relationship, and the exceptional range of cultural, environmental and community links between the two nations, a spokesman said.
Yeah, the economic relationship that keeps Charlie and Georgie and their wives and their buddies and their cousins and their aunts in the manner to which they are accustomed, living in the lap of luxury while the rest of us minions keep on at the treadmill, or try our hand at the ladder of success or wait for our numbers to come up.
Cultural links are calculated; environmental damage on course; and as for community on average we've got more blacks in prison than you!
"Sustainability will be another important theme of the tour, in areas such as housing and education, and farming and food sourcing."
Housing? Have you seen the housing estates where the 'working' class lives in Britain? Grim 'aint the word. Concrete zoos which turn people into animals.
Education? Again the zoo schools. Do this! Don't do that! God Save the Queen! Salute the flag! Because I said so!
Food sourcing McDonald's, Starbuck's, Coca-Cola, sugar, meat, carbohydrationstarvation, obesity, cancer.
Charles and Di (woops! I mean Camilla) won't be staying at the White House during their stay. A Clarence House spokesman said: "The Prime Minister doesn't when he goes. It's not normal to stay there."
Exactly. Normal people don't stay there. They've heard about the maniacal laughter that echoes through the corridors there at night. The screams from far below
Whilst in New York the couple will visit Ground Zero - the site of the 2001 terror attacks. Well, they'd have to wouldn't they?
And during the last leg of the tour the 'will meet homeless people in San Francisco.'
"Dear, dear!" says one of the richest men in the world, with a list of addresses as long as his arm.
"I do hope you manage to find a home soon. It might help if you got a job. Me? Of course I have a job. I'm a Prince. And one day I shall be KING!!!"