Book Jacket

 

rank 5907
word count 23382
date submitted 22.01.2009
date updated 21.10.2010
genres: Romance, Science Fiction
classification: moderate
incomplete

The Kinship

Lisa Paitz Spindler

A spy’s redeeming mission, a revered leader’s desperate journey, and a warring planet’s only hope.

 

Kinship spy Jana Randall yearns for a mission to redeem herself and her career after the suspicious death of her partner. When she’s captured on a black ops mission to distant Ico, Jana is forced to share her mind with the memories of a long-dead queen and redemption seems beyond her grasp.

Once escaped, Jana finds herself thrown between a far-reaching conspiracy to reclaim a lost golden age and a bid to control a narcotic that could enslave or liberate the Iconnu. Jana must team up with religious leader Brannon Bayne to seize command of a particulate matter shield before the planet's periodic variable star flares. A dynastic invading group, a drugs and arms cartel, and a secret cabal all struggle with the Iconnu to control the bloodstar plant, whose super anti-oxidant properties affect all life on Ico at the molecular level and whose life-cycle is tied closely to the solar flare.

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This is a finished manuscript ~95,000 words

 
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tags

action, cyberspace, espionage, future, nanotechnology, science fiction, speculative fiction, transhumanism

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39 comments

 

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Jim Darcy wrote 1272 days ago

Well developed space opera with enough technobabble to set the scene but plenty of focus on the characters which is what really drives sci-fi. Plenty here to please the fan, of which I am one. :)

SusieGulick wrote 1274 days ago

Dear Lisa, I love the adventures of Jana & Brannon & that they are working together to save the ecosystem. :) Your pitch prepared me for all of this & at the end of chapter 8, I like that she told him she would know if he lied to her. :) So, I'm ready for your next chapter. :) In the meantime, I'll write in my mind that they get married & live happily ever after :) - that is, after they complete their quest. :) I've backed your book :) - could you please take just a moment to back my memoirs book? :) Thanks so very much. :) Love, Susie :)

This is information from authonomy (so beware of any other untrue information you may receive that is spam & not quotes of authonomy):
"When you back a book, it only improves the ranking of that book, not yours. However, the author whose book you are backing may decide to back your book also, in which case yes, your ranking would be improved"
"Every time you place a book on your bookshelf, your recommendation pushes the book up the rankings. And while that book sits on your bookshelf, your reputation as a talent spotter increases depending on how well that book performs."

SusieGulick wrote 1275 days ago

:) comment to follow - read & commented on 11 hours later :)

Barry Wenlock wrote 1318 days ago

Hi Lisa, I usually not a great sci-fi fan, so I only read chapter one. I will say you write very well and I thought it was full of imaginative ideas (The sinister Kinship) and interesting language. I liked, 'illegal stim', 'tongue, laced with ginger', 'the poison tip...finishing what the sharp points started', Bloodstar cheroots' and many others.
Your characters are well described and the plot is developing at an appropriate pace.
Backed with pleasure,
Barry
LITTLE KRISNA AND THE BIHAR BOYS

Nick Poole2 wrote 1519 days ago

ARISE, AUTHONOMY GHOST!

Ease those weary, withered limbs from your coffin. Push away the stone from the mouth of the tomb.

You have one last task to perform. One last, sacred shelf to confer.

Whether you were plugger, spammer, gusher or troll, whether you flirted or fought in the forum or beavered away in the shadows, now is the time for your resurrection.

One last time. Marshall your strength, muster the last vestiges of your power and carry out your final Authonomy act:

Back my book, MIRROR IN THE SKY.

Then, only then, you may rest easy in your Authonomy grave.

Nick Poole2 (formerly known as NickP)

Lisa Spindler wrote 1694 days ago

Slick sci-fi elegantly done. I have my reservations about the glossary rather than explaining it within the writing, but I'm on the fence about it for the moment.



I just added that glossary yesterday because I agree with you. However, I had several readers -- mostly those who don't usually read SF -- who were confused with several new words being introduced in the first chapter. While it's pretty de rigeur for SF to have to introduce new concepts early in a story and I think I've done a decent job of avoiding the infodump, overall I agree with you about the glossary.

Other than that, fantastic writing and a story worthy of the big screen.



Thank you!

'Jana clicked the gun's safety off' (This is the first time that the gun has been mentioned, maybe mention her pulling the gun out first?)



Great catch. I'd added that sentence in the other day when trying to edit out a few too many "saids" and didn't realize the continuity issue. Thanks!

andyroo wrote 1694 days ago

Slick sci-fi elegantly done. I have my reservations about the glossary rather than explaining it within the writing, but I'm on the fence about it for the moment. Other than that, fantastic writing and a story worthy of the big screen.

One nit:

'Jana clicked the gun's safety off' (This is the first time that the gun has been mentioned, maybe mention her pulling the gun out first?)

Andrew

Cas P wrote 1694 days ago

Hi Lisa. This is superior sci-fi. Well crafted, deeply imagined, beautifully told. A polished piece.
The contrast between Jana and Rodrik's lives and those of Eshana and Brannon set the scene for a conflict of epic proportions. The old story of struggling for power, for peace, for a world you believe in, is about to be told anew, in a fresh and exciting way. Gripping stuff.


I saw two nits;
'but you didn't I'd leave you in the cold...missing *think*.
She tasted tasted on her tongue...tasted *blood*?

Definitely one to watch, this. Shelving, to boost it on its way to the stars...
Cas.
KING'S ENVOY

Cas P wrote 1694 days ago

Hi Lisa. This is superior sci-fi. Well crafted, deeply imagined, beautifully told. A polished piece.
The contrast between Jana and Rodrik's lives and those of Eshana and Brannon set the scene for a conflict of epic proportions. The old story of struggling for power, for peace, for a world you believe in, is about to be told anew, in a fresh and exciting way. Gripping stuff.


I saw two nits;
'but you didn't I'd leave you in the cold...missing *think*.
She tasted tasted on her tongue...tasted *blood*?

Definitely one to watch, this. Shelving, to boost it on its way to the stars...
Cas.
KING'S ENVOY

Urania wrote 1695 days ago

Hi Lisa, Sci fi isn't at all my genre, but I like your premise and the pitch was intriguing. I think this book has great potential in its target market. However, I did find it a struggle to read. There were so many words with capital letters - for example I threw myself into the second half of chapter two - a lot of telling and not much showing here - and although you are writing sci-fic, it might be that you need to lead your readers a little more gently into the world to which you are taking them. I believe, and agree, according to many agents, that when we enter a novel we are trusting enough to enter this unknown, novel place. We are new to this world, so we must relate to it, however much we can eventually adapt to it, feel the fear in it, or the heat, or the emotion, or the laughter or the warmth, we must have something we can relate to in this 'novel' place. And the first page says it all. I'm not sure I knew what the medtech or the nanomarkers were - perhaps this is sci-fic in-house knowledge? And that bit of latin text as intro of each chapter, well I know a bit, a little bit of latin, but even that has me flummoxed. Perhaps translate it?

I can see you have a fabulous, fantastic imagination, and a wonderful plot is developing with loads of action and promise. Just make the opening a little more accessible and maybe dialogue a little more natural. Shelved to encourage you for your talent and potential.

Cellardoor wrote 1697 days ago

The Kinship,

This is a fascinating idea, Lisa! I love the premise and how the story is unfolding, Jena and Rodrik are interesting characters! I'll be back to comment when I've finished the partial - just want to let you know I'm giving this a spin on my shelf to help your rank!

Melanie.

AnnEnglish wrote 1700 days ago

Kinship - Spindler

Sorry. I kept losing the story. Of the first nine words, I did not understand four. Of the first four sentences, I understood only the second and fourth. The art of storytelling is not to make one's readers grit their teeth and struggle.

Chapter 2 seemed to say what happened in Chapter 1, but in flashback. I suggest simple sentences in correct time order. Avoid adverbs and adjectives. Avoid subordinate clauses.

Don't be discouraged - you've got a good story and there's no reason it shouldn't be told well. One last suggestion (i'm trying to be helpful): I notice that Chapter 1 is made up of sentences and short paragraphs, some of which (numbers 2, 4 6 ...) actually tell a story. The rest don't. Why not leave out Numbers 1, 3, 5 ... and let the story tell itself?

Good luck and best wishes
Ann

Lisa Spindler wrote 1701 days ago

This book good and has a lot of potential. If they had stars, I would give it a 3 1/2 stars.



Thank you! I'm elated over 31/2 stars.

It still needs to fleshed out some more...however, Jana's character could use more details. We don't really know who she is, except that she is a spy. In the first chapter we learn she looses her partner/boyfriend, but the author never really gave us an idea of what she is feeling -- the loss and subsequent feeling of betrayal by the secrets Rodrick kept. Why does she need to redeem herself and why is there such a determination to join "Coil"? Why is she willing to go "off the grid" on this mission, when in the very beginning she did not want to, but did it only to please her partner? In fact Jana's character seems very 2 dimensional.



Do you have a few moments to clarify a few points for me? I have just a few minutes ago uploaded a new version of the opening scene. I think it's much improved and hope it addresses some of your concerns. However, in Jana's scenes with Dreux and Padarn when she returns to the Kinship we get to see that she's been grieving for a while over Rodrik's death and she's also angry about his not telling her about his involvement in the Coil. Also in inner monologue Jana reveals that she sees Padarn as a father figure and that's why she wants to redeem herself. The Kinship has become a replacement family for Jana and she's despairing because her actions have put that relationship in jeopardy. Taking on this new mission is Jana's chance to regain the trust of that family. So, the emotional information you mentioned is there and I'm a little at a loss as to why it's not having the right kind of impact on the reader.

...I could feel myself getting sucked into "The Kinship" universe. So this book is definitely being added to my shelf.



Thank you so much!

Kan1 wrote 1701 days ago

This book good and has a lot of potential. If they had stars, I would give it a 3 1/2 stars. It still needs to fleshed out some more. Brannon Bayne's character is well written; however, Jana's character could use more details. We don't really know who she is, except that she is a spy. In the first chapter we learn she looses her partner/boyfriend, but the author never really gave us an idea of what she is feeling -- the loss and subsequent feeling of betrayal by the secrets Rodrick kept. Why does she need to redeem herself and why is there such a determination to join "Coil"? Why is she willing to go "off the grid" on this mission, when in the very beginning she did not want to, but did it only to please her partner? In fact Jana's character seems very 2 dimensional.

I also think she needs to flesh out some of the secondary characters a little more as well.

All in all, this story was an easy read (although the first chapter was a struggle) and I could feel myself getting sucked into "The Kinship" universe. So this book is definitely being added to my shelf.

bc1yax wrote 1761 days ago

most enjoyable - you have alot going on in this chapter - you do have a very imaginative mind - and some mix of the Matrix to boot - this is real good - I was just going to read the first chapter but then I could not stop reading - write more please so I can read more -

bc1yax

ram_ette23 wrote 1795 days ago

I liked the book once i got into it, the beginning tho almost lost me. Chapter 2 on kept me interested all the way thru. This could become a series i would read! I will put it on my shelf for now. With a little work I can see you becoming a favorite of mine.

Billy Young wrote 1801 days ago

I see that you have been polishing this up and it flows better for it. Though in truth I thought it was fine the way it was you have improved it. Yet at the same time you have managed to retain much of what this story was before the re-editing though somehow changed it through the work you have done.

AnnabelleP wrote 1802 days ago

Hi Lisa,
This is interesting, lots going on here. It's obvious to me you have a great imagination, you have created a whole other world here. Your characters are belivable, the more so I think because your dialogue is particularly good, realistic. You have tension here which makes the story exciting from a reader's POV. I like this and am going to put it on my shelf ;-) This is a clever story, good luck with it!
Bests,
AnnabelleP
(Adelaide Short)

black1990 wrote 1893 days ago

I liked the manuscript and would like to read more. But, there always is one, it needs to be tightened up in some parts. A glossary of words would help. Also, Jana shouldn't feel so bad for herself over Rodril's death because the relationship was never expanded on so I didn't feel her loss or self doubt. Also, maybe a prologue of her home and finding the Kinship, some background, just a few pages. Maybe give a scope of the size of the Commonwealth, the Homeworld background. We need to know have very special the Kinship is and Jana's place in it. Those are my initial thoughts. I really like it and hope to see more.

black1990 wrote 1893 days ago

I liked the manuscript and would like to read more. But, there always is one, it needs to be tightened up in some parts. A glossary of words would help. Also, Jana shouldn't feel so bad for herself over Rodril's death because the relationship was never expanded on so I didn't feel her loss or self doubt. Also, maybe a prologue of her home and finding the Kinship, some background, just a few pages. Maybe give a scope of the size of the Commonwealth, the Homeworld background. We need to know have very special the Kinship is and Jana's place in it. Those are my initial thoughts. I really like it and hope to see more.

Stauna wrote 1895 days ago

Interesting premise and I really like the feeling of authenticity. You have created great tension. It is also very intelligent with great dialogue. I'm going to shelve this for a while.
Best of Luck
Stauna

Jeff Blackmer wrote 1902 days ago

Lisa,
This is a good story. Reminds me a little bit of The Matrix, but that's okay. I like the tension, the sense of a desperate mission that is unfolding. I would have liked a little more information at the beginning of exactly where Jana and Rodrik were, there location, what it looked like. Also, when you said they were going to the boundaries, I wasn't really sure what mode of transportation they were taking. After reading a bit more it becomes obvious they were on foot. But a sentence or two stating how they got from where they started would have been helpful. I like it though, on my bookshelf for a bit. Good luck on this.

Jeff

Lisa Spindler wrote 1904 days ago

Billy-- I'm so going to use that in query letters. Thank you! Also thanks for backing my book.

Lisa Spindler wrote 1904 days ago

Thanks for your interest and support, Gene.

Billy Young wrote 1905 days ago

This is a twisting political drama as much as it is scifi or romance. The characters have the ability to make mistakes like we all do, which endears them to you. You want them to succeed to reach their goal and feel for them when tragedy strikes.

Anna Sugden wrote 1905 days ago

Love what I've read so far - powerful storyline, intriguing characters and a cool world! Great job, Lisa!

C.L. Wilson wrote 1907 days ago

Crisp, clear, vivid writing. Hooks the reader and draws her in. Terrific.

You're backed!

edandsue wrote 1907 days ago

A great story line interwoven with intriguing characters that are interwined in a complex sci-fi tale. The dialogue is expressive, the story is creative. At first the names of the characters, titles, and places were confusing and difficult to follow. But as the plot progresses the characters and the story line become more clearly defined.

A wonderful sci-fi read.

j_maschak wrote 1908 days ago

Good job Cous!!!

I read what I could at work. Fun stuff.
I will read more later.

Lisa Spindler wrote 1908 days ago

Well, this is a keeper. The dialogue is awesome; the world you've constructed seems real. It has history, depth, breadth and texture but at no time seems contrived. There were a couple of "book saidisms" but, upon review of some of my favorite writers' works, I found enough of the same to remove it as a dealbreaker in this case.
I like the characters, not just because they're interesting but because I actually like them.

Fun stuff.

You're backed.



Wow, Geoff. You just made my day. Thank you so much for taking the time to read my partial.

Geoff Thorne wrote 1908 days ago

Well, this is a keeper. The dialogue is awesome; the world you've constructed seems real. It has history, depth, breadth and texture but at no time seems contrived. There were a couple of "book saidisms" but, upon review of some of my favorite writers' works, I found enough of the same to remove it as a dealbreaker in this case.
I like the characters, not just because they're interesting but because I actually like them.

Fun stuff.

You're backed.

Stasio wrote 1908 days ago

Sounds awesome...love the story line!

Tawny Weber wrote 1910 days ago

Great story! I love the plot so far, the characters are intense and the writing is strong and pulls you right in.

Tawny Weber wrote 1910 days ago

Great story! I love the plot so far, the characters are intense and the writing is strong and pulls you right in.

Tawny Weber wrote 1910 days ago

Great story! I love the plot so far, the characters are intense and the writing is strong and pulls you right in.

Geoff Thorne wrote 1910 days ago

Uh. Yeah. This is my kind of party. Watchlisted for later dissection.

Welcome aboard.

Norbert Paitz wrote 1911 days ago

Great Book. The book has everything you want romance, intrigue, and science fiction. What more could anyone want.

S. Paitz

LDicken wrote 1911 days ago

A complex tale that blends futuristic science fiction, old world customs, and romance. Definitely worth reading.

Lindsey Brookes wrote 1911 days ago

Sounds like a great read! Very intricate plot, interesting characters.

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