Book Jacket

 

rank 5908
word count 32444
date submitted 18.05.2008
date updated 10.02.2009
genres: Fiction, Crime, Thriller
classification: moderate
incomplete

Degrees of Dishonesty

Ian Webb

An international tale of deceit, deception, corruption and murder,where money laundering and the lure of quick profit are all pervading, but in the end disastrous.

 

Begining with a mugging in London, Degrees of Dishonesty tells how no matter from which part of the world or sector of society people come, the temptation to be dishonest is no respecter of anybody. Amongst others in a large and colourful cast, an unfaithful expatriate Hong Kong trader, who has never been entirely honest finds that small personal and professional indiscretions lead to ever larger ones. A pair of dishonest expatriate Hong Kong lawyers are struck off before one of them is murdered and the body dumped in the sea, leaving the other with large illegally obtained funds that need laundering. A swindling Swede, sets about mining sapphires in Laos, but is debunked on his own doorstep. Two British Artful Dodgers, who if not perfect, are the cleanest of them all, whilst there is a Swiss bank, whose outward façade is one of total integrity, but whose practices are not. And finally there is the old established and seemingly totally respectable Austrian gem cutting house with its up and coming clean cut Sales Director, the victim of the London mugging, to whom temptation finally comes visiting, whilst justice, in a vareity of forms, is eventually done.

 
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tags

crime, dishonesty, fraud, international intrigue and travel

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13 comments

 

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Panaxus wrote 1342 days ago

Despite its technical flaws in writing, I'll BACK your book for imagination and the potential it holds. Your over-long sentences, often confusign, leave the reader going back to double-check your exact meaning or descriptions. Since the selection is too short (in typical Authonomy fashion) to allow further comment, c'est tout maintenant.

Stephan Zimmermann (panaxus)
NO RAPTURE

Panaxus wrote 1342 days ago

Despite its technical flaws in writing, I'll BACK your book for imagination and the potential it holds. Your over-long sentences, often confusign, leave the reader going back to double-check your exact meaning or descriptions. Since the selection is too short (in typical Authonomy fashion) to allow further comment, c'est tout maintenant.

Stephan Zimmermann (panaxus)
NO RAPTURE

Nick Poole2 wrote 1521 days ago

ARISE, AUTHONOMY GHOST!

Ease those weary, withered limbs from your coffin. Push away the stone from the mouth of the tomb.

You have one last task to perform. One last, sacred shelf to confer.

Whether you were plugger, spammer, gusher or troll, whether you flirted or fought in the forum or beavered away in the shadows, now is the time for your resurrection.

One last time. Marshall your strength, muster the last vestiges of your power and carry out your final Authonomy act:

Back my book, MIRROR IN THE SKY.

Then, only then, you may rest easy in your Authonomy grave.

Nick Poole2 (formerly known as NickP)

buckman52 wrote 1607 days ago

Ian,
Marvelous story-telling.
I have a few comments: Chapter two, 3rd paragraph. 'that' instead of 'which'
And in dialogs maybe you could use less, 'Andrew, I'm thinking...' and 'Jane, are you sure...'
Small things in a great story. I'll read more tomorrow and comment again. Thanks. Backed.
Could you give my story a read?
Lori Buckman (In Her Own Backyard)

buckman52 wrote 1607 days ago

Ian,
Marvelous story-telling.
I have a few comments: Chapter two, 3rd paragraph. 'that' instead of 'which'
And in dialogs maybe you could use less, 'Andrew, I'm thinking...' and 'Jane, are you sure...'
Small things in a great story. I'll read more tomorrow and comment again. Thanks. Backed.
Could you give my story a read?
Lori Buckman (In Her Own Backyard)

libertyful wrote 2044 days ago

quite an intriguing opening... i felt sometimes that too much info was attempted in certain chunks of dialogue... might be an idea to break it up a bit - but i shall certainly be coming back to read more. well done!

Ian Webb wrote 2050 days ago

Many thanks dking97 for your encouragement - every drop needed!

dking97 wrote 2052 days ago

a slow, deliberate start. Very well written. I've only done chapter 1, but will be back later for more.

Ian Webb wrote 2089 days ago

All comments most gratefully received; the work is complete and I have added some more chapters.

posiejkp wrote 2106 days ago

An interesting, twisting tale with corruption and its consequences...I will follow this one and look forward to reading more.

One or two points I thought you might think about - it's an idea to burst onto the scene in the first chapter, make it exciting and dramatic - dialogue is often the best way to do this.

On several occasions you pack your narrative with facts and a back story, but this can get heavy to wade through for the reader. Don't feel you need to tell the reader everything about a character and his history in one long paragraph. Let the reader find out for himself through the character's word and actions, learning more about him as the story unfolds. Show, don't tell...

You can write, but be wary of long sentences and endless descriptions, especially in an action-packed thriller like you're aiming for. Too many adjectives and superlatives drag the narrative down, and there are some unnecessary details you can afford to dump. A helpful exercise for me was to think of my manuscript as a film script. In film, there is no room for endless description. Thoughts have to be brought to life through actions and speech. Obviously, film is a completely different medium, but sometimes it's a good way to remind yourself and get you back on track with your own writing.

Finally, as a personal preference, I like each chapter to end on a cliffhanger. Tempt me to read on!

All very promising though - I wait for the next installment...



kwasumang wrote 2126 days ago

i don't think you have to change anything here...it is fine

Lexi wrote 2128 days ago

I was attracted by the theme of your novel – truth and lies, and their consequences. I think the start could be improved, made more inviting for a reader. Why not begin with the unexplained assault, or with some dialogue? I had a quick go:

‘So, we’re agreed. Two million dollars’ worth of diamonds, rubies and sapphires?’

‘Every year for five years.’ Joergen held out his hand, grinning. It had taken months to negotiate this deal, and it was the best he’d done since joining Schwartz two years before. He would sleep on it tonight, savouring it, and ring Vienna in the morning and tell his boss. David Seymour looked pleased, too, as he gestured to the waiter for the bill…

I haven’t written more because the first chapter of a book is hard work, and I have my own to struggle with!

Rather than give a potted history of your hero, it works better to drip-feed information about his appearance and background as the story progresses. A wodge of facts is off-putting. Improve the way you tell it, and it should be good, as the plot is interesting. Excellent title, too.

kwasumang wrote 2138 days ago

you have got an interesting story brewing and i certainly will have to follow this to the end. nicely paced. i like it.

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