Book Jacket

 

rank 4568
word count 42250
date submitted 27.07.2013
date updated 20.09.2013
genres: Children's, Comedy
classification: universal
complete

Another Mary's Magic Muffins & More Tales for Children

Brian G Chambers

This is a follow up book to Mary's Magic Muffins & Other Tales for Children it contains a few old characters for your enjoyment .

 

Mary's Magic Muffins & The Queens Jubilee: The follow up story.
Tilly Meets Thomas the Rhymer.
Benny the Blackbird & Sally the Seagull: How two different breeds of birds fall in love.
Tilly & the Tooth-fairy: How the tooth-fairy turns around a family's fortune.
Mr. Smelly Fartsalot: How a man with a windy problem finds true love.
Tilly Giblin and the Goblin: How a girl gets transported to other places with the help of a goblin in her computer.
Brainy Brian at the Circus: Book three in the series.
Brainy Brian and the Cub Scouts: Book four in the series.
Brainy Brian at the Zoo: Book five in the series.
Brainy Brian Saves a Rodent: Book six in the series.
The Pony with Wooden Feet: A word of caution contains some domestic violence.

 
rate the book

to rate this book please Register or Login

 

tags

on 11 watchlists

17 comments

 

To leave comments on this or any book please Register or Login

subscribe to comments for this book
Maevesleibhin wrote 247 days ago

Another Mary's Magic Muffins.
Brian,
I have read to Autho chapter 7.
This is a perfectly charming set of children's stories, aptly silly and conveniently bite sized. As a parent of a recently young child I appreciate the market a little bit and feel the stories work well as bedtime snippets.
I do not have a lot of comments for improvement. These are all feel good, happy ending stories with very little conflict and obviously intended for very young audiences. As a general comment, I will say that most of the ones I have read lack conflict or tension, which would make them more engaging. I enjoyed the longer story with the goblin in the computer more than the others, largely because there was a bit more conflict (in the form of the disappointed mother) and development (in the form of the girl's internal conflict and punishment for having overworked the magic creature). However, I have a feeling that you are purposefully avoiding tension and conflict, and so a comment about this would be missing the point a bit.
I did feel that it was strange in the first story that the victims of the magic spells were not surprised at all at being transported, never wondering what they were doing in their new locations.
I am also not sure if I think the political commentary is appropriate for the genre. Lofty though the concept is, it seems incongruous with the sub genre. I think that if I had read this to my kid some questions would have been asked which would have led to a somewhat heated historical dissertation. Not sure if I think bedtime is the best time for such a chat.
Again, I think you could afford to give some of the stories a bit more tension. You may do this in later stories. Other than that, I think they deliver well.
Best of luck with it,
Maeve

Maevesleibhin wrote 247 days ago

Another Mary's Magic Muffins.
Brian,
I have read to Autho chapter 7.
This is a perfectly charming set of children's stories, aptly silly and conveniently bite sized. As a parent of a recently young child I appreciate the market a little bit and feel the stories work well as bedtime snippets.
I do not have a lot of comments for improvement. These are all feel good, happy ending stories with very little conflict and obviously intended for very young audiences. As a general comment, I will say that most of the ones I have read lack conflict or tension, which would make them more engaging. I enjoyed the longer story with the goblin in the computer more than the others, largely because there was a bit more conflict (in the form of the disappointed mother) and development (in the form of the girl's internal conflict and punishment for having overworked the magic creature). However, I have a feeling that you are purposefully avoiding tension and conflict, and so a comment about this would be missing the point a bit.
I did feel that it was strange in the first story that the victims of the magic spells were not surprised at all at being transported, never wondering what they were doing in their new locations.
I am also not sure if I think the political commentary is appropriate for the genre. Lofty though the concept is, it seems incongruous with the sub genre. I think that if I had read this to my kid some questions would have been asked which would have led to a somewhat heated historical dissertation. Not sure if I think bedtime is the best time for such a chat.
Again, I think you could afford to give some of the stories a bit more tension. You may do this in later stories. Other than that, I think they deliver well.
Best of luck with it,
Maeve

Heneka wrote 289 days ago

Hello Brian,

I have read the first story and quite liked it. My comments about grammar are in keeping with what others have said.

I had a concern about the witch. I believe it could have been introduced at an earlier point in the story and probably have one of the characters aware somehow that their fate was as a result of this witch.

Congrats on your work. I would love if you could critique my few chapters of my first book.

Regards,

Heneka
I am the Boss of Me

skin wrote 301 days ago

Hi Brian
Have read chapter 1- interesting, different.Not what I was expecting for a kid's book. I think adult readers might get as big laugh as the kids. Thrown a bunch of stars at it.
Ian

JCostner wrote 303 days ago

Hi Brian,

I read the book and think it is absolutely wonderful. Being a former teacher I know my kids would have really enjoyed this story very much. I also read your first and Another Mary's Magic Muffins & more compliments it brilliantly as a sequel. High stars sir. I will tell my former co-workers to look into this story for the kids.

Cheers,

Jordan Costner

LEGACY

CMWoods wrote 310 days ago

I am probably not qualified to say much, but I smiled a lot as I read the first story and I could see it being quite entertaining to children. I didn't see the punctuation at all so the story itself was very entertaining to me. I would say proofread to fix any of the punctuation and continue with the fun. i will continue into the other stories as time allows. I might even get the chance to run it by my sisters children and get their reactions.

Burgundy Ink wrote 311 days ago

Hi Brian! I've read the first story, (Mary's Magic Muffins) and found it very accessible and imaginative. There were some very funny moments - such as the dialogue between the royals and ofcourse the farting, and I can see children enjoying this sort of story. But like some of the previous commenters have said, there were quite a few technical issues that distract from the story and interrupt the flow.

There are sentences that could do with more commas and you often have characters ask questions without question marks e.g "Mum, can I make some of my muffins and take them to (t)he Queen's garden party(?)" - Also, the last sentence "I'm sure they'll go down very well with everyone" takes away from the mood- it sounds out of character for an excited seven year old to say this.

The idea of mixing up the words in nursery rhymes is cute and funny, but I found the 'Mary had a little lamb' one a tad disturbing - especially for younger readers, but maybe it's just me :) Also, although I liked the idea of a witch previously owning the sugar pot, I think you could introduce the idea earlier - it felt a little random and rushed to bring it in when Mary was cooking. Maybe hint at the witch's ownership separately beforehand, so when Mary decides to use the sugar to bake muffins for the Queen, the reader puts the pieces together and suspense is added as they anticipate excitement or trouble.

Your idea is really refreshing - very current with clever references, but enjoyable for young readers too. Taking time to check the punctuation (I don't want to be too repetitive as other commenter have pointed out specific issues) would add a real polish to this though!

Thanks for inviting me to read this, and I look forward to your comments on Silver Awakening!
Burgundy Ink.

4everunwritten wrote 313 days ago

You're style is very appropriate for a child's story and the way the words flow together is very soothing and pleasing to the ear when read aloud. With that said, you still have quite a few grammatical fixes to make. For example, in Chapter 1, when Mary thinks to herself it should read, Oh well,(you don't have a comma). Also, when she says sorry God, you need a comma after sorry because she is talking to God. When Mary's name is announced as the winner you do not need a comma before her name because it is a necessary detail because we don't know which student it is without her name. When Mary goes to tell her mother of her good news, I think it would flow better if you had "In the afternoon" to start the sentence than end it. Ultimately it's your decision, it's just a suggestion. When your characters are talking directly to one another, you need a comma the name of the person they are talking to is used. For example, "Mum, can I" or "could, Mary, dear". When there is an article such as the in front of a title such as the Queen or the Duke, the "the" is not capitalized because it is just an adjective, not a proper adjective. Another suggestion for a sentence rewrite "After all, they were very well received at school with your teacher and class, weren't they?" "That'll be great, Mum". There is a missing comma after orange peel in the list of ingredients. When you describe her long, blond, curly hair, I would only have a commas between long and blond, not curly hair or else there are too many commas and it chops up the sentence. When you discuss the witch story, I would suggest maybe combing the sentences "Now, Mary had know way of knowing..and the sentence afterwards. there should be commas surround good or bad.

Chapter 2, Rewrite sentence "It's alright for you, darling, Darling should not be capitalized because it's merely taking the place of his name, but it's not a title or proper adjective. You also need to add commas to the dialogue when they are talking directly to one another and the "the" should not be capitalized.

Throughout the entire story, there are some of the same grammatical issues, so I'm unsure if it's my American English rules that are wrong or what have you. All the comments are just suggestions, and my opinion on such context matters alone should not sway your work, it's yours and yours alone, I just hope that some of these comments may be of some help.

Overall, I think you have quality children story's that will be pleasing to read aloud. My comments are only suggestions, but there are some grammatical and sentence structure issues that need to be addressed. I'm positive that if you take a look over it yourself, you will be able to see easily where it needs a little touched up; however, the quality is undoubtedly good. Good luck! I hope all goes well for you and your stories!

Erika

Loulouster wrote 328 days ago

And still think that you need to contact your LEA if you haven't already - this is dream kid read - and if you can tap into local need for flavour and flair - you really have a place to display this1! Believe me - so many little eager ears wanting to hear this!

CJBowness wrote 337 days ago

I read Chapter 4 and enjoyed the tooth-fairy story. You write in a straightforward and comforting style which I am sure children would enjoy.

I did notice, however, that you have a tendency to put commas in slightly odd places and have missed out a few apostrophes. Sorry to be pedantic, but if one gets these things right the writing looks more professional.

CJ Bowness
The Lost Palace
The Usurper

Jim Riley wrote 345 days ago

Prose with an appropriate tone and lightness that should appeal to a young audience. Gave it solid stars.

Geowonderland wrote 349 days ago

Brian,
I was happy to see a follow up story. You continue to reach kid's imagination.
Chapter 1, I think you meant to say 'started,' "Mary stared to sing nursery rhymes."
Chapter 2, I'm not sure if kids will understand the full meaning of appearances.
Chapter 3 got too crowded with names. I like it simple, introduction of one person or a couple per chapter.
With chapters 4-6, you created variety by introducing people with different backgrounds.
I think this is a great read for kids.
Best wishes,
Aneta

Sheena Macleod wrote 351 days ago

Having read the first volume of Marys Magic Muffins I had to look at this new set of stories.
I selected chapters two and three to read and thought the flow, content an presentation were just perfect for children. I can imagine these being read at school or as bed time stories.
More high stars and good luck with publishing these gems.

Check spacing in first line of chapter three.
Sheena
The Popish Plot

Sarah-Jane wrote 353 days ago

Hi Brian,
Chapter 2
What a delightful story. A love story, an adventure and a happy ending. How lovely for children to be left with the idea that they may see a seagull related to Sally and Benny. Awesome :)
Good luck with this book, I am sure it will do well.
Sarah Jane
Glass Half Full

Sarah-Jane wrote 354 days ago

Hi Brian,
Chapter 1
The setting and idea for this tale is not only topical but a clever use of current affairs in a child's world.
There are some editing issues, in relation to punctuation and spacing, to be addressed, but these are easily remedied.
As an honorary Aussie having lived there for over four year I couldn't help but notice 'Aires Rock' which should be 'Ayres Rock,'
The scene of the Queen and Phillip rolling around in mud and waking with mud on their faces was funny, and although this is a book aimed at children, I did have a little laugh. As I did whilst reading the second to last paragraph, when the fart followed through!!! My husband would love that, I will show him later - he is big kid about farts!!!
A nice follow up to your previous book. I will check out 'Benny the blackbird' tomorrow :)
Best wishes
Sarah Jane
Glass Half Full

Ildrinn wrote 356 days ago

This seems like a nice fun book for small children. The idea of the magic muffins is lovely and the image of the Queen and Prince Philip farting in a muddy field is delightful! I found a few places where you had missed spaces between words, (probably the fault of the computer) but otherwise most enjoyable. I shall try and come back and read some more and have put it on my watchlist.

Rachael
Storm Rising

Kate Steele wrote 357 days ago

I know I would have enjoyed reading this as a small girl! I like the mix of fantasy and cheekiness - reading material for George, perhaps? Bet that's already an old joke. Sorry! A couple of typos and errant apostrophe in chapter one - all I have had time for at present - but a charming with great story line. Good luck!
Kate Steele, Is That All There Is?

1