Book Jacket

 

rank 5847
word count 56514
date submitted 02.02.2009
date updated 26.02.2012
genres: Fiction, Romance, Comedy
classification: moderate
incomplete

Sweet S(e)oul

Peter Anderson

David Black's world changes as he is sent to Seoul on a job he knows nothing about, with no money and no idea.

 

David Black lives a dreary, grind of a life. He has convinced himself that he wants a quiet journey during his time on earth. He's engaged to be married but has a problem - his new job is sending him to Seoul for a month, leaving him two weeks to return and complete preparations for a wedding.

In Seoul he discovers that his boss is a psychopath, the work he's doing may not be technically legal, he's stuck in an armpit of a hotel and his work colleagues are probably out to get him. His fiancee is growing steadily more paranoid, unpredictable and frantic in his absence.

In all of this he meets Hye-Jin, a girl whose family's self-interest has made her abandon her dreams to work in the family business and help pay off her father's gambling debts. She is like no-one David has ever met. He may, however, wish he'd never met her.

Sweet S(e)oul is a funny, twisting romantic comedy set in the heaving cities of Seoul and London. It's a book about about two people who find themselves with plenty to lose but so much more to gain.

 
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tags

comedy, fiction, humour, korea, romantic, seoul

on 8 watchlists

26 comments

 

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CarolinaAl wrote 1022 days ago

You provide us an outstanding romantic comedy with an intelligent plot and fascinating characters. Rich imagery. Polished writing. Backed.

klouholmes wrote 1028 days ago

Hi Peter, A solid terse outset. The scenes in London bring out David's awareness of the panorama other than Ash at first. I liked the similes, Ash being like the Hindenberg. Brian's dialogue is fantastic. Truly a character-driven story and the texture between the narration and dialogue is good. Happy to shelve - Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)

soutexmex wrote 1035 days ago

Peter: wishing you the best on this website. But remember the caveat: you can only get out of it what you put into it. My thoughts are this: both pitches work; I wanted to start turning pages. BACKED!

I can use your comments on my novel when you get a chance. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau Key

missyfleming_22 wrote 1036 days ago

Very well written and full of surprises. You really make Seoul come to life for those of us who haven't been there as well as the culture. The romance is believable and has many obstacles to overcome of course. This is setting up to be a very interesting book. I got involved quickly and it held my attention. Very enjoyable.

Missy

lynn clayton wrote 1036 days ago

You concentrate on what people wear. We all must do that without registering it because it makes the first chapter real and the people particular, far more than telling us what's going on in their head - at this stage, anyway. Jenny waving her thumb through David's hair - how many times have we seen that and not noticed?
David's a lovely man and Ash is not. But he's very clear, with his shirt bursting open, strutting around the place. I've read only the first chapter and don't know if I'll have a chance to read any more. But you're an extremely talented writer and when you're published I'll buy this to read to comfort. Very best for it. Backed. Lynn

andrew skaife wrote 1037 days ago

This is keenly written and done so with wit and a clear perspective of humanity. WOnderful stuff- one suggestion may be to break up chapter one into smaller chunks. Your writing, though, carries it well and with excellent pace.

You have a very direct, even violent style of writing that hits right between the eyes. There is no equivocation in your meaning. The prologue is especially hard hitting.

Your humour, though subtle at times can be very jarring and all the better for it.

"He could have been handsome had he not had a series of overly conservative haircuts on high rotation and a near constant frown." Excellent

One suggestion would be that sometimes metonymy is better placed than description in hard writing as you exhibit- for instance "the bowler hatted brigade" could simply become the Bowler Hats; it leads to the comedy more quickly.

I love the whole idea about Concurment.

BACKED without the faintest shadow of a doubt.

Burgio wrote 1037 days ago

SWEET S(E)OUL
This is an interesting story. The beginning is dramatic. Sets a tone for the story that says, altho David is introduced as an average guy in the first chapter, he’s not going to have average adventures here. If I had a suggestion it would be to get back to Seoul more quickly than you do (save some of the info of his workplace and add it in later on a need to know basis) because once you’ve introduced an exciting scene like the first one, anything that comes after that can feel flat. Either way, you have a good story here. I’m adding this to my shelf. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

name falied moderation wrote 1038 days ago

Dear Peter
Great pitch and great book. Love the way you have woven humor into your book which is so colorful when it comes to your characters.CONGRATS.
BACKED BY ME FOR SURE
I do hope you will review my book, comment and most of all BACK it. but either way the BEST of luck with yours
Denise
The Letter

SusieGulick wrote 1038 days ago

Dear Peter, I love love-triangles - so much intrigue in yours - what a quandry - I know which way I would choose. :) Your pitch is excellent, so set the hook for me to read your book. :) When you use short paragraphs & lots of dialogue, it makes me want to keep reading to find out what's going to happen next. I'm backing your book. :) Could you please take a moment to back my TWO memoir books? Thanks. :) Love, Susie :)

This is information from authonomy (so beware of any other untrue information you may receive that is spam & not quotes of authonomy):
"When you back a book, it only improves the ranking of that book, not yours. However, the author whose book you are backing may decide to back your book also, in which case yes, your ranking would be improved"
"Every time you place a book on your bookshelf, your recommendation pushes the book up the rankings. And while that book sits on your bookshelf, your reputation as a talent spotter increases depending on how well that book performs."

gillyflower wrote 1169 days ago

This is a very funny book with some great characters. David is a delight, someone to like and relate to, sensible, amusing, far too easily pushed around by Jeannie as well as by Brian, clever and in need of a shake up to re-organise his life, which you indicate he's about to get; Ash is likable, eccentric and interesting; and Brian is an original, vivid, larger than life weirdo, very amusing to read about. Your plot flows along nicely, and David's exit to Seoul promises even more in the way of fun. Your satire on the corporate life and, especially language, is excellent. You promise us excitement and mayhem in Seoul, and I'm really looking forward to it. You write really well, in an amusing, colourful, fluent style. Backed.
Gerry McCullough,
Belfast Girls.

Susan Bennett wrote 1175 days ago

I'm sorry to point out that the bold type made this too hard for me to read.

David Fearnhead wrote 1191 days ago

Very nicely penned. You draw your characters well, i really could feel what David was going through and there are some excellent descriptions of Korea. I'll be back to read more.
Backed
David
Bailey of the Saints

zerogeewhiz wrote 1192 days ago

Hi Nick,

More kind words! You're right, this is more about political lobbying, something I don't have the stomach for. I like how people stumble across the book and drop kind, encouraging words. What's even better is that the book is so much better now than what you see here, so I was on the right track!

I may update it shortly with the new material and hopefully give you more to laugh at.

Cheers,

PeterA

Okay there's some nice early touches here, character revealing ones. His shoes only slightly scuffed..."he was still making an effort with his dress". Made me laugh.

Wobbly Ash with his too much revealed flesh.

The huge picture of Brian Bannister. Ego made manifest.

Concurment did stand for irritating nicknames. Ha!

"We're a bit wacky." Beware the person who declares himself wacky. They are straight as telegraph poles, but carry less of a message.

"Chief Energising Officer." Ugh, indeed.

This is packed with gems, isn't it? "This guy was a starer. A weirdy, stalker kind of starer."

Why do I think he just signed a contract with the devil?

"I don't want you gone longer than a month". I sense danger. My spider senses.

This is one hilarious piece of work. Should be rampaging around the upper reaches of the chart. But this place is more like political lobbying, isn't it? Of course, getting you to read mine is the only reason I looked at yours.

But sometimes it pays off when you stumble across fine work.

Nick
"Mirror In the Sky"

Nick Poole2 wrote 1193 days ago

Okay there's some nice early touches here, character revealing ones. His shoes only slightly scuffed..."he was still making an effort with his dress". Made me laugh.

Wobbly Ash with his too much revealed flesh.

The huge picture of Brian Bannister. Ego made manifest.

Concurment did stand for irritating nicknames. Ha!

"We're a bit wacky." Beware the person who declares himself wacky. They are straight as telegraph poles, but carry less of a message.

"Chief Energising Officer." Ugh, indeed.

This is packed with gems, isn't it? "This guy was a starer. A weirdy, stalker kind of starer."

Why do I think he just signed a contract with the devil?

"I don't want you gone longer than a month". I sense danger. My spider senses.

This is one hilarious piece of work. Should be rampaging around the upper reaches of the chart. But this place is more like political lobbying, isn't it? Of course, getting you to read mine is the only reason I looked at yours.

But sometimes it pays off when you stumble across fine work.

Nick
"Mirror In the Sky"

zerogeewhiz wrote 1437 days ago

Thanks so much for your extraordinarily kind words. I'll be updating this soon, I've just had my head deep in the other thing I have on the go at the moment, so poor old Sweet S(e)oul finds it hard to get a look-in. But more will be along soon.

Cheers,

PeterA

Hi Peter,

I stumbled on your work by chance and I'm very pleased I did. I've only read ch1 so far and I think you've begun with a good, rhythmic pace. Looking at some of the previous comments, it seems to me you've done a lot to iron out this chapter. I found the dosage of dialogue (as it currently stands) quite appropriate - you certainly captured the dismal showmanship, to which I was exposed in my brief career wearing a suit. I certainly knew an Ashraf!
Looking forward to reading this!
Best wishes
CO

JoggingCow wrote 1437 days ago

Hi Peter,

I stumbled on your work by chance and I'm very pleased I did. I've only read ch1 so far and I think you've begun with a good, rhythmic pace. Looking at some of the previous comments, it seems to me you've done a lot to iron out this chapter. I found the dosage of dialogue (as it currently stands) quite appropriate - you certainly captured the dismal showmanship, to which I was exposed in my brief career wearing a suit. I certainly knew an Ashraf!
Looking forward to reading this!
Best wishes
CO

Evan Palmer wrote 1463 days ago

Peter, you've hit a chord here with this phony cheery boss you've created. and the feeling of a fish out of water and its benefits, with David. read 3 chapters and the hectic topsy-turvy pace is well-done. all the airy made-up aphorisms and toxic insincerity of a modern company on the skids is here for us to soak up. good luck. this work is very good and has the potential to be super.. evan

ahnuts wrote 1554 days ago

Agree about the comments about the long dialogue in ch 1... also there's mention of 2 hundreds from the boss- its the UK so only £50s here.

Still reading, but like it so far.

Sun

zerogeewhiz wrote 1561 days ago

"Dude, hurry up. He's waiting for you." Could be a good start? Throws you into the action.

Just a thought.

xox Karin.



That's how it used to start. Everyone says Ch 1 is too rushed! :-)

Wide Eyes wrote 1561 days ago

"Dude, hurry up. He's waiting for you." Could be a good start? Throws you into the action.

Just a thought.

xox Karin.

mick weller wrote 1565 days ago

Hi Peter,I didn't get very far with this...
you've been reworking the opening paragraph?
who did he get the text from? (lose: from?)
was well ironed - was wearing (wore)
otherwise seems engaging!
good luck with this,
cheers

zerogeewhiz wrote 1568 days ago

Hi, I have read chapter 1 of this and I like how the characters have been introduced. There is a lot of dialougue though and some of it seems quite rushed, particularly at the start (although in the office with the boss this seems to be completely the right pace due to the bosses character). I got a bit confused at the beginning with what Ash and David were saying so perhaps you need to be a bit more clear on what is happening, maybe even thin it out a bit.
Thought the bit with the girlfriend was kept at a good level, not over done at all. Good start, is on the watchlist until I get further into it.

Luke



I ran through it last night and realised I was getting lost too. I've already made some edits suggested by Andy and will be working on what both you and Clare have said. Thanks so much for investing your time in this, a complete stranger's book.

zerogeewhiz wrote 1568 days ago

I think that I aggree with Andy - maybe some more description rather than dialougue in chapter one may be good. Well written though and interesting characters. Clare



Fantastic, thanks for getting started on it. :-) As Andy pointed out, it actually did start life as a screenplay so I've been transcribing. Sometimes I forget you can't see what I do! Thanks for the feedback, I'll be working on the common thread that's emerging.

luke_t99 wrote 1568 days ago

Hi, I have read chapter 1 of this and I like how the characters have been introduced. There is a lot of dialougue though and some of it seems quite rushed, particularly at the start (although in the office with the boss this seems to be completely the right pace due to the bosses character). I got a bit confused at the beginning with what Ash and David were saying so perhaps you need to be a bit more clear on what is happening, maybe even thin it out a bit.
Thought the bit with the girlfriend was kept at a good level, not over done at all. Good start, is on the watchlist until I get further into it.

Luke

Clare Wiltshire wrote 1568 days ago

I think that I aggree with Andy - maybe some more description rather than dialougue in chapter one may be good. Well written though and interesting characters. Clare

Andy M. Potter wrote 1569 days ago

Hey Peter. Love the setting and the characters. I sense screenplay here, with all the dialog. It's great dialog but can you seed it with some more descriptiv e passages and tighten it, make it shorter (not that I write clean stuff).
Some micro edit thoughts:

Sent 3: end it with David Black (delete from A's right side), then move Sent 5 up? Breaks up the staccato of the dialog, plus we can visualize D and A from the get-go.

"A deftly flicked ..." - maybe just "A flicked ..." as the verb suggests deftness.

"pronounced A without a good reason - perhaps just "pronounced A." reads better.

"of-Middle-Eastern-appearance tones" - maybe just "MIddle Eastern skintone" or "olive skin"

hey, f you want to email the ch i can get into a line edit; the site kinda is clunky for edits. catchya, a
potter_andy@hotmail.com

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