Technically Magic

Dear David C Arnold,

Thank you for sharing your story with us. You’ve endeared me to your main character in the first paragraph, and by the time I read “attempted suicide twice by Marlboros” I knew I was in the competent hands of a professional humorist. So many great lines, but “rags to eldritches” tickled me particularly.

I enjoyed your story. “Eyes blasted supernova green”: Bravo! Shelved.

Best wishes,
Alan Marling

David,

I'm so glad you brought Technically Magic to my attention.

It's a wonderful piece of writing and struck a familiar chord with me on many levels. Having my own computer come down with over 1,000 viruses, I sought outside help. I dreaded the image of having to wait in line for a diagnosis. I wanted a house call. I had the gall to try and lure my local UPS guy, who happens to be from India, to my home. At first, he was offended. He said, "Just because I'm from India, doesn't mean I can fix computers." I apologized profusely. I was so embarrassed, but then his next remark was, "When do you want me to come by?"

Your dialogue is genuine. You allow the reader to hack into Simon's mind and see the world from his "geek squad" perspective. You also help the reader to empathize with Simon's world of being part detective, part doctor, part therapist, part priest, where people come to him in humiliation to confess their cyber sins. Talk about an original premise--simply brilliant!!!

You develop Simon's character immediately. Humor also comes through in your writing. A talent I always appreciate in an author.

One suggestion, remove the underlining on certain words. No need to emphasize. Your writing speaks for itself and stands well on its own without the help of underlining.

Backed,
Janine
MY KIND OF CRAZY

For Technically Magic--

I saw you posting in the forums, and decided to see what you had written. Honestly, I didn't think I would like it, but I was SO wrong! It's fantastic! This book is just so fun! It's packed with amusing one liners and has a wonderfully dry sense of humor. I about died laughing when I read about the iPhone dancing a salsa with the alarm clock. Not only is the writing great, but the story is good too. I found myself having to continue reading to find out if the magic is real or not. I only wish I had more time tonight.

You are the master of the funny. Added to my shelf.

This is excellent.
I stopped reading mid-chapter on account of running out of enough awakeness, so this comment won't be up to much either, but I wanted to stop and say 'well done' because I'm rubbish at coming back to books.
You began very effectively by endearing us to your MC, then slid sideways into fantasy without smudging the picture at all. Oh, and funny too.
I'm impressed.

Lindsay
A Priest's Tale

This is going onto my bookshelf because I will be reading chapters from it whenever I need a lift. I've only read the first chapter. I loved the boring setting in the beginning, being at the technical support section, because no other setting could be less likely to have something otherworldly happen. Various things piqued my interest to read more. One of them is the question of what kind of magic does Wisticuffs practice. He hints that he doesn't deal with demons that are constrained by religious magic, so that rules out traditional ceremonial magic (ex -Lesser Key or Armadel).

I also got a big kick out of Simon's bathroom musings. Let's face it, more philosophical thoughts have been pondered on the toilet than any other place. Is it the position or the solitude that does it? Who knows...but it's great that you noticed the occurrence.

As a person in The Society for the Ethical Use of the Letter K, I thank you for not adding the letter to the word "magic." All of this = You are Shelved!

I read the short and long pitches and decided to have a go at reading chapter one, despite the fact that the pitches were clunky and dull. Having read chapter one, all I can say is PLEASE re-write your pitches. The text of the first chapter is hilarious. Nothing in the pitch prepared me for the fact that this book is funny; outrageously so. The world needs to know. Seriously. You present one great one-liner after another. I doubted if you could keep this up so I skipped a few chapters and then dropped in again at a random point. I'm delighted to say that the quality continues. I am definitely going to have to return to this one and read it properly.

Is saying that on the basis of the first chapter I went away to see if it was available for kindle, and promptly downloaded it, comment enough? Some fabulous descriptive writing, my sort of humour, and what looks like fairly light-hearted fantasy, great!

On page 622 of replies to your post on atheists writers, I posted my reply: "I challenge you to read my book, verify the science and prophecies, and remain an atheist. Come on, I'm issuing a direct challenge here. I am also a very intelligent (and highly educated) person, so was Einstein and he also believed in God. I challenge you to read my book and remain an atheist. Peace and (this is usually where I say God bless, but to respect your beliefs, I will punk it this time) and oi!"

Reading the synposis of your book caused me to frown, scrunch my eyebrows, and then grin. It looks quite interesting. It's on my watchlist so I will remember to take a browse through it later. It also reminds me of something else I want to post in the writer's forum, an idea I've been working on. Talk to ya later.

This kind of feels like a slightly redirected version of Harry Potter to me, or at least, that's the impression I get from the pitch. It's pretty well-written, but I think you need some sort of a hook, something to make your book stand out, something unique. I think it's headed in the right direction though.

Best of Luck,
Ian Kraft

I think I would back this for the name Bartleby Wisticuffs alone! I love the slant you have here, with a fantasy-driven novel taking place in modern times with an average-type guy. So many times the lead in a fantasy is some precocious or gifted person. Love that he's a computer repair guy who gets swept into this drama. You have a great voice here, conversational and of course, humorous at times. This is truly quite original. I really enjoyed this, would definitely be interested to see what happens next.

---Mary
The Qualities of Wood

Backed
Splinker
B.D.S.T.

I love pieces like this, witty, biting, sarcastic and more than a little magical. Your descriptive passages add touches of an extra something to the general tone of this piece, and you set the story up masterfully.We're all there, either the tech supporters of those with machines that won't do what they want, and then you throw in Bartleby and we go from the mundane to the fantastic.

Fabulous, and backed with pleasure.

Abi xxx

Dear David, I love your sense of adventure & fantasy - like anything can & does happen. :) You prepared me to read your book with your excellent hook before your story. It is good because you create interest by having short paragraphs & lots of dialogue, which makes me want to keep reading to find out what's going to happen next. I'm backing/commenting on your book to help it advance. Could you please return the favor by taking a moment to back/comment on my TWO books, "He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not" & the unedited version, "Tell Me True Love Stories" which at the end tells my illness now/6th abusive marriage I'm in now. Thanks, Susie :)

As my computer locked up half way through the first chapter, I find your beginning highly plausible. Your humor is great - not the hit you over the head kind, but the subtle intelligent kind that so many fail at miserably. No time to chat - have to run a cleaner and reboot so that I can read more!

Backed,
cookingskewl,
friend of Sons of Apollyon

As my computer locked up half way through the first chapter, I find your beginning highly plausible. Your humor is great - not the hit you over the head kind, but the subtle intelligent kind that so many fail at miserably. No time to chat - have to run a cleaner and reboot so that I can read more!

Backed,
cookingskewl,
friend of Sons of Apollyon

love this really had me giggling, just love the way you describe people, backed

alison

Hi David -- I've really enjoyed chapter one. This is good writing. Highly enjoyable and well worth the spin on my shelf. I'll read more when I've time.
Good luck, Barry

(Little Krisna and the Bihar Boys)

This is a book which asks not to be taken too seriously. Good characters. Funny lines. A touch of fantasy. . . all go together to make this a fun read. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

A computer focused protagonist whose dialogue matches the action making it nearly impossible to click away from reading, because after only reading two chapters, the prospect of a star looms large. The first "hooker" for a reader hits early on with a line, "having failed at suicide by Marlboros at least twice." The remark concerning nude photos at seventy just keeps the eyes rolling over the words. For want of better words, the protagonist's lifestyle is something else. Backed. Chuck (Paperboy Adventures)

The first chapter is great! I look forward to reading more when I have the time. This is a fun book and I am really glad the cover isn't scary - there are some books on my watch list that I can't actually look at! So happy to not be reading another horror story! Backed with enthusiasm, and will recommend this, it is delightful, and I wish you well with this creation.
Judy Adams
The Existence Game

This is a comment about your short pitch. Your second sentence is much stronger than your first. Think about starting your short pitch with it, and deleting/modifying what is currently your first sentence.

Really great opening lines. Love this.

Had to give this a whirl when i saw the cover and then read the pitch - this is fabulous - I love Simon and his geeky ways - he's so adorably described i feel i know him! Then you add in the majic piece and it take off on a journey - I couldn't stop but then had to when my boss walked in my office - but I promise to be back --in meanwhile - BACKED!

Liz
The Cheech Room

Interesting story. Your style is vaguely reminiscent of Terry Prachett. I don't know that I would pick this up in a bookstore (based solely on what I normally read and personal preferences), but I enjoyed reading it.

"I was summoning something." Good line. I can just imagine what that is. Very subtle. Very geeky. Exactly what you promised. Good on ya.

Tim Chambers
Moonbeam Highway: With Apologies to Miguel de Cervantes

The character build in this is astonishing, instant, the storyline is so different, odd, quirky and brilliant, this is very, very good.

Famlavan – Museum of Old Beliefs

A story close to my own heart - Books & Magic, computers and technology, humor, great writing, I really love this story, and am glad I found it. Backed and waiting for hard copy!

I have a computer person who sees me as a Gail Prote, so I'm happy to see Simon taken down a few pegs by an old guy trolling for wizards and an elusive business card. Seriously -- no that word doesn't belong here. You've got a great sense of humor, an eye for the absurd and a story that looks like a real romp. Simon is an engaging character -- knows too much about computers but at least he drinks, although I agree with Bartleby that he could choose classier liquor. Very entertaining. Shelved with much chuckling.

Richard (Zombie Jamboree),
an elder god

doesnt get bogged down with the genre cliches....nice light humorous touch. good work

Some good sardonic humor and thoroughly oddball characters in this.

I backed this outright because I wish to make it safe for you to be honest in commenting on mine.

Tim Chambers
Moonbeam Highway: With Apologies to Miguel de Cervantes.

Hi David, just came here from the Atheist's forum. Glad I did! This is funny! Backed and good luck!

Ben Zaaiman - Person Under Control

Hi David ...

This a very unusual but highly original story. Very good characterisation and exceptional dialogue. Not sure where the plot is leading at the moment, but will try and return later. Perhaps could do with a good proof read as I found one or two misplaced or repeated words. Brilliantly funny and irreverant, backed. All the Best. Regards ... Duncan.

This is a fun story and a truly unique piece of writing. I'm glad to back it.

Richard Bard
BRAINRUSH

David, I've looked at your first chapter. Kept my interest. Funny and engaging. Couldn't find anything to nitpick about.

Backed.

Joffrey (The Silver Spoon Effect)

TECHNICALLY MAGIC:

David,

The passion in your writing is palpable. Your humour is of a professional standard. Fantastic characterisation, and I loved it.

Backed with pleasure,
Sheila (Pinpoint)

I loved the quirky beginning to this chapter and your character is brilliant, also, excellent choice in names David. Well done!
Backed!

Very funny. I love your wizard, and his apprentice (and the first of his computer clients - oh, how I empathise). Good luck Backed.

I thought I'd already read this, but I was wrong and what a treat I've been missing.
I like the whole idea, the mix of ideas and the wonderful characters, its witty and clever and imaginative.

Love it! Backed.

David,

I've been dropping in and out of your aetheist thread for a while now and realised I hadn't read your work. So here I am rectifying that.

Starting with the pitch, the short version has two great sentences, but the linkage between them wasn't strong for me: I felt either would make a strong first sentence, but a second sentence raising a question might make the hook stronger.

The long pitch though is great--and that last sentence is exactly what I mean by a hook: now *that* makes me want to read.

Reading chapter two now and--just quietly--I used to play D&D, damn.

Last line of the chapter, the 'and again' throws me--I'm guessin its supposed to be a second whince, but had me wondering when Simon had previously been unsure what to tell Jennifer.


Some great dialogue in chapter three. I think I know these guys.

Backed.

I really like this so far! I will have to come back and check it out more later. On my shelf, happily! I found you through your atheist thread. I am of the "I don't know so I don't pretend to" opinion on religion, although I have issues with organized religion, which tends to lead to fanaticism and violence. Take care!

Amanda Miller
Busch Lane

Haha. I've had this on my shelf, and had been waiting to comment. Needless to say you have a very, witty, original piece of work here. Your MC narrative is realistic, funny and draws your reader in to no end. I found myself gripped to the story being told here. Its good because it raises questions and ideologies most of us would face in general everyday life - the whole, is this as good as it gets? I just wish my life would thrust me into a fantastical world. Lol. I'll just pretend its Narnia outside with the snow at the moment. Brilliant work.
Backed.

Tifa
[Eliphe Tiny-Wen]

Excellent premise for a story. I am enjoying this one. Shelved.

I have not a great deal of time today. I will puit your book on my watchlist and have a read tomorrow,

Thanks for backing Wurzel and his mates!

All the best

George Fripley

Happy 2010! This is such a witty and fun book. It reads so well and many of the lines are just outstanding. Great reading to kick off the New Year.

L. Anne Carrington, "The Cruiserweight"

ok, with my agent's hat on, and without reading the synopsis, I begin reading...

so, I am half way through your chapter and I am reading because the voice is sharp, the writing tight, it's amusing, wry, but I am wondering, he's seen an old lady and now some guy with an odd name who wants to trade but has been summoning demons, and I am wondering: where are we? He appears to be meeting these people in person, but we have no details of scene or setting - are we in their houses, are they in his office? Have I missed that.

Still, I am still reading

and then he disappears into the crowd - what crowd, where is this? You are losing me. It's too tight, there is no light here, nothing for me to get a hold of.

I think I would pass on this. Probably because I am not the right reader, but it is a bit too self-absorbed, there is so much I have to pause and read again - eg, almost like i'd been slipped a roofie - what does that mean? I feel like I am reading slang that is entirely your own, or which I have never come across, and so there is no space for me to get a hold of what is happening.

I can't say it is bad though, on the contrary, I just think you need to slow down, use a little less smart talking and ground your reader more.

Hope this helps.

Hello,

I was wondering, if you had some time, if you could look at some of my short stories in Revelations. They are not long at all. I would appreciate any feedback. I am not really looking to win the competition, just want some genuine feeback to become a better writer. If not, I understand. Thank you so much for your time.

Best,

TH

This is a great pitch, and I'm backing it on the strength of that pitch alone.

Your very first paragraph -- are these guys talking about Cinderella? I'm confused, but I just started -- literally.

Anyway, I will be back with some more quibbles.

(in the short pitch, should it be 'wizarding' or wizardry?)

=Miles=

This is zany and a little mad but a fun read just the same. The beginning plausible too, my son works in retail and by the end of the day prays for just one sane person to come into the shop!!
It's rather clever too. Humour sometimes falls flat when someone works at it too hard but yours trips off the tongue, who can not smile at such?
Great writing, I need to read more but for now on my shelf. Margaret.

Technically Magic: David Christopher Arnold.
Hi, David. Just read the first chapter of Technically Magic and found it a well written and witty read. Lots of great lines throughout.

There are a few typos here, though. Don’t know if anyone has already mentioned them but here they are anyway.

…nothing more,” she said, “You’ve been amazing.” – ‘You’ doesn’t need a capital Y as it follows a comma.
Even the people that came in to talk… - even the people who came in to talk?
…left the machine on the edge of the circle… - should this be, ‘the edge of the cycle’? or does this mean something else?
..very advanced software”. – full stop should be inside speech marks.

Not many but thought you might want to know: o)

Will make a spot for this on my shelf.

All the best,

Cait ~ Muckers ~

Love the cover; typical Bradley! What a wonderful pice of fantasy writing, brought together well by your pitch and the opening chapters draw you in quickly. You have established some great characters, particularly your MC and the humour is evident right from the start. I love the contrast between your geeky computer technician and your wonderful and quirkly wizard., Backed because its fun, well written and a good story

Dear David C Arnold,

Thank you for sharing your story with us. You’ve endeared me to your main character in the first paragraph, and by the time I read “attempted suicide twice by Marlboros” I knew I was in the competent hands of a professional humorist. So many great lines, but “rags to eldritches” tickled me particularly.

I enjoyed your story. “Eyes blasted supernova green”: Bravo! Shelved.

Best wishes,
Alan Marling

I'm just stopping laughing long enough to say this is backed! I love your humour, your imagery: I started to note them but gave up as there are just so many - “She and her computer were terrified of each other” , “having failed at suicide by Marlboros at least twice” , "if outfits drank energy drinks, this one snorted cocaine"... wonderful stuff. The story itself is engaging and, as someone who teaches the elderly and IT phobics how to use computers, it had an extra interest. Good luck, Carolyn.