Book Jacket

 

rank 1270
word count 93233
date submitted 11.02.2009
date updated 15.01.2010
genres: Fiction, Science Fiction, Fantasy, ...
classification: universal
complete

The Bibble

James Stanford

Could music be the key to the perfect world - and why are comfortable shoes so damned important?

 

‘The Bibble’ is the story of an extra terrestrial road trip during which an extraordinarily average fellow deals with discovering that the fate of Earth and its five sister planets may just rest on his shoulders. Jaunting around the cosmos in a camper van powered by a Bloody Stupid Generator, Thelopius Rumblebutt and his companions discover a plot to end the world, stumble across the most feculent man in known history, do battle with Beelzebub, and drink copious amounts of a cocktail that has been known to start wars.

Could one man be responsible for life on Earth? Is the universe as we know it run by aging alcoholics with a penchant for extended holidays? Can an utterly normal bloke from Swindon save the world as we know it? Does he even know that he has to? And why is that chartered accountant wielding a cudgel? There's only one way to find out...

'The Bibble' is complete at 93,000 words.

 
rate the book

to rate this book please Register or Login

 

tags

alternative world, beelzebub, comedy, comic fantasy, douglas adams, fantasy, good vs evil, jasper fforde, music, outlandish, pop culture, religion, sc...

on 12 watchlists

138 comments

 

Text Size

Text Colour

Chapters

20

report abuse

The Bibble

Chapter Twenty

 

Tel awoke, sat up and rubbed his eyes.  Last nights events were fuzzy and surreal, strange and distant memories that evaporated as soon as he grasped them.  However there was a change within him, a knowledge previously hidden and unused; a purpose he could not understand but knew to be true.

“I’ve got to do something.” He said aloud.

Deciding that it was time for him to take charge, to be a man of action, to stand up and be counted, to live up to his hitherto unknown responsibilities, he leapt energetically out of bed.  At least he was about to, when he realised that it was quite early and he could get another half an hours warm snoozing in.

It was still early and the bungalow was silent and calm when he arose.  He threw on trousers and shirt and padded downstairs, hoping that Bob wouldn’t mind if he helped himself to coffee and cereal.  Even if he did mind, being who Bob was Tel assumed that he would find it easy to turn the other cheek.  Pottering silently about the kitchen Tel considered the events of recent days and the role he obviously had to play.  He soon came to the conclusion that some research was in order to acquaint himself with the main players and events in which he was embroiled.  So, his breakfast made, he carried it through into the study where he had been a couple of nights previously and shut the door behind him.  There he found a notepad and pencil and began to jot down his thoughts.

Soon he had a long, coffee splattered page of notes about the nature of the six Earths, Bob’s creation of them, the Doctors role in running them, Bubb’s role in disrupting them and his own role in protecting them.  On the next page he jotted down those things for which he had no explanation – the Fat Lady who’d sabotaged Old Betsy, the man he’d seen being abducted when they were in the park, and his own strange escape from the police.

He dwelled on the last one a while.  It was obvious to him that subconsciously he had named the Bibble, thinking he was sending that thug of a policeman on a wild goose chase.  Then when Tel and Steve were being released the copper had returned with two innocents in tow.

“Of course” Tel exclaimed aloud, “The bearded guy that the Ghost of Music Present kept showing me! That’s who that stupid copper arrested – he was staring at me in the police station.  That’s Bubb!”

Feeling that he was making progress he jotted this down.  Perhaps he had subconsciously got Bubb arrested to thwart some plan of his.  However he still had no explanation for the Fat Lady or her companion, or for their abduction of the man by the park.  Tel sat back in his chair and began to scan the many titles in the bookcase in front of him.  There were names like ‘Grouchtitters Compendium of Mythic Creatures’, ‘An Encyclopaedia of Satan’s Minions’ and ‘Bob’s Big Book of Monsters’.  He began pulling them down and leafing through them, looking for references to Fat Women or mopeds.  Unsurprisingly there were none in Grouchtitters Compendium and only a passing reference to a Vespa in the Encyclopaedia.  Ignoring Bob’s children’s book of monsters Tel began pulling volumes down from the shelves, suddenly intent that the Fat Lady, her companion and their actions were somehow central to the whole situation; he felt sure that there was more to it that just Bubb.

He pored over ‘The Rough Guide to Hades’, flicked quickly through ‘A Brief History of Tim’(which turned out to be a rather poor biography of a mediocre tennis player), before realising that in his haste he had forgotten that a copy of the Bibble was right in front of him.  Pulling it down, he selected a comfy chair in the corner of the room and began to read.

 

Why smiled peacefully as he sat alone in the bus, a pleasant tune titillating his ear.  He felt that he had gained an upper hand in the situation yesterday, and today he was looking forward to checking up on his latest protégé.  He too had risen early, almost bumping into Tel in the hallway.  However, understanding that Thelopius was likely to be in thoughtful mood today he had opted for discretion and allowed Tel the run of Bob’s kitchen.  Once the study door had softly closed Why had headed out of the door to the bus.

Soon Crawford Why was strolling nonchalantly through suburbia with a whistle on his lips and a jaunt in his step.  He paused to remove a stone from his shoe and the jaunt disappeared; however the happy whistle remained.  Sauntering up the driveway of the Bonaparter residence he rapped smartly on the door three times with the tip of his cane.  There were vague sounds from within, until a young woman in a baggy jumper answered.

“Have you come to interview me?” She asked

“Good morning to you, my dear.  You obviously don’t believe in preamble.”

“I’m sorry, I was expecting the police.  You’re not them then?”

“I’m afraid not – I am me.  What could the police want with a lovely young girl like you?”

“There was a bit of a crime spree a couple of days back at the shop where I work.  The police said they’d come and interview me yesterday.”

“Yesterday?  But it’s today now.”

“I know that and you know that.  The police originally told me that it would be tomorrow.”

“So why were you expecting them today?”

“Well it was a couple of days ago that they said tomorrow, which obviously at the time meant yesterday, but when I rang them yesterday they said they’d be here today but they didn’t turn up.”

“The days not over yet – it’s barely begun.”

“But yesterdays over, and that’s when they said they’d be here today.”

Why was silent as he processed the information.

“What was the nature of the crime?” He changed tack to avoid further brain ache.

“Well it started with a bunch of odd blokes coming into the chemists – most of them were fairly old men with a musty scent to them, but there was one guy who was alright.  He spoke to me quite a lot.”

I think I know the source of this crime spree, thought Why.

“They had some story about Snifflin’ Clive – he’s a regular customer – being kidnapped outside the chemist.  I spoke to the nice bloke for a while, told him what Clive’s like and stuff.  That’s when they must have done it.”

“Done what?” Why tried to hide his concern at what his errant colleagues might have perpetrated.

“Light fingered old gits.  I can’t tell you the amount of stuff that was missing – antiseptics, aerosols, all sorts of stuff.  Normally we have to stop the teenagers from swiping it all.  They even whipped some suppositories.”

What is a bit shy about that particular ailment, Why mused.

“Bunch of harmless looking old geezers like that – I didn’t expect that to be a set-up!”

“Perhaps they meant to harm – I expect they’re mentally unwell.”  Why spoke from experience.

“Well, the funny thing is that apparently they might be right.”

“About what?”

“The kidnap.  I haven’t seen Clive for a few days, and he’s normally in every day.  I told the police and they went round his house – can’t find hide nor hair of him.”

“Are they investigating?”

“Oh yes.  To be honest they seemed more interested in that than the old blokes, although I still think it was a set up.  But the police went after Clive – I got the impression that a kidnap was more exciting.”

“I suppose it is.”

“Guess so.  Sorry, I’ve started going on a bit.  What was it you wanted?”

“I was actually here to see Darren – is he in?”

“I’m afraid not.  He’s gone away for a while.”

“Where to?”

“I’m sorry, who are you?”

Why smiled apologetically.

“Dr Why – please call me Crawford.  I helped to teach Darren the guitar.  I just thought I’d pop in to see how he was getting on.”

Sky smiled at him.

“I’m Sky Bonaparter – no jokes please.  Darren’s my brother you must be the bloke he told me about.  You gave him that book.”

“Yes, yes, that’s me.  How’s he finding it?  Last time I spoke to him he was saying something about a record deal.”

“That’s where he’s gone.  Somebody contacted him about being in a band, him and four other lads.  He’s gone off to practice with them.”

“Somebody is putting a band together?  He’s not started it himself?” Why was perturbed.

“That’s right.  Apparently a producer contacted him – said he was looking for lads ‘of his sort’.”

“Any idea who this person was?”  Why had an inkling that he already did.

“I never spoke to him – Darren said he was a bit slimy, but seemed to know his stuff.  I told him he’s probably some kind of pervert, but off he went anyway.”

“I don’t suppose Darren told you his part in the band?”

“No – just that he reckons they’ll hit big quickly.  That’s what the slimy bloke said any way.”

Why’s fears were all but confirmed.

“I don’t suppose you have an address where Darren can be contacted?”

Sky shook her head.

“He’s pretty independent and does his own thing most of the time.  Mum and Dad are away at the moment – they’ll kill him if they find out he’s shot off like this.”

“No phone number?”

“No… hold on, wait a moment.  Darren wrote down the slimy guys mobile.  I think it’s still on the phone pad.”
 
She ducked back into the house.  Why heard the sounds of rummaging[1] before she returned carrying a slip of paper.

“Here you go.”  She read out the number.

Dr Why made pulled a pen out and pretended to write the number down, although there was really no need – he had this particular telephone number memorised already.

“That’s a great help.  I should get off now – if I get hold of Darren I’ll ask him to call home.”

“That’d be great.”

They exchanged farewells and Dr Why walked off.

“Sly bugger,” he muttered, “I knew he was up to something.  I’ll have him yet!”

 

Tel put the heavy tome down on the desk and sighed.

“Cod in breadcrumbs.  Who would have thought it?”

He looked down at the page of jottings before him.  He had scanned through the Bibble several times, picking up the odd snippet here and there, reading this passage or that one.  He was interested to see a chapter called ‘Palms’ – it seemed finger-painting was a speciality of Bob’s.  However the book had not helped him to identify the Fat Lady or her lunatic companion.  Standing and reaching up he slid the volume back into its place on the shelf and sat down again, his fingers pointed pyramid style beneath his chin, contemplating his copious notes.

Shortly he stood and looked again at the titles on offer, searching for a title that hinted at large ladies with mopeds. Finding nothing, on a whim he grabbed a copy of ‘The Children’s Pop-Up Book of Hades and its Fiendish Minions’.  He sat and idly flicked through it, contemplating his next move as red-faced demons and screaming souls leapt out from the page towards him.  He had heard the rest of the Doctors dragging themselves downstairs amid much muttering and swearing and supposed he would be disturbed before long, but as yet he had not found anything that helped him decide what to do next.  Exasperated at his lack of progress he dropped the book on the desk and decided to go and speak to Why for some advice.  Glancing back at the desk he paused; something in the book he had just dropped had caught his eye.  He looked closer at the page that fallen open; the centre pop out figure was of a large, fat creature with features that would have looked oriental had they not been red, with flames spurting from his nostrils.  Glancing at the text Tel recognised the demons name as one that he had read in the Bibble; he was one of Bubb’s high ranking lieutenants, a particularly nasty piece of work who had devised various liver eating and rock pushing activities for those souls in his care.  Tel glanced around the rest of the page, and his eye fell upon one of the background figures; a large, red, angry but unmistakably female creature with curled horns either side of her head.  The horns were in fact so curled and flattened that they could almost be mistaken for a motorbike helmet.

“Fat bird!” Tel exclaimed.

He pored over the rest of the page for more detail.  He was rewarded with the information that the Fat Lady (for that’s how the book referred to her) was an enforcer, kept to do the bidding of the demon who she worked for.  That demon was the oriental beast whose paper form leapt out at Tel from the middle of the page; his name was listed – somewhat improbably Tel thought – as Li Ping.

Tel read the rest of the text, scanty though it was.  It stated that Li Ping was well known for locating humans with warped minds and using them as aides in his nefarious deeds.  Although it mentioned nothing of Scottish lunatics or mopeds Tel felt sure that this accounted for the Fat Lady’s partner in crime.

Tel spent a while longer re-reading the Bibble for mentions of Li Ping until he felt he had gleaned all the information he could, then decided that it was time to take his information  to Dr Why and discuss a plan of action.  He stepped out of the study with his notepad in his hand and a look of determination on his face.

 

 

 


 

[1] ‘The Sounds Of Rummaging’ - £9.99 in all good record stores.

Chapters

20

report abuse

To leave comments on this or any book please Register or Login

subscribe to comments for this book
Jared wrote 1562 days ago

A very inventive title and strong pitches are great incentives to read this and the opening line is a cracker. I've read ten chapters without pause and would read on if I could. I'm loving this. I see you've included a Douglas Adams tag - inevitable I suppose, but this is the book the great man should have written. It really is that good.
From "utterly normal bloke" onwards, you had a fan here. Very funny, relentlessly manic, a tour de force.
Polish it and send it out to every publisher out there. If this doesn't get into print, there's no hope for anyone.
Backed with admiration.
Jared.

Katrina Twitchett wrote 1878 days ago

James,

If this book were a pudding it would be jam roly poly and custard. And I would cry as I've given pudding up for Lent.

When this is published, pleeeease would you sign a copy for me?

Shelved with a passion. And a dribbly bit of custard.

Kat

Michelle Gadsden wrote 1266 days ago

love it!!! Very funny book. Hurry up and publish!

Joanna Carter wrote 1319 days ago

Backed, when I can stop laughing long enough to hit the button.
Joanna
Fossil Farm

Glenn_Johnstone wrote 1319 days ago

All I can say is - I laughed my ass off as soon as I started reading ... and I kept reading!

Love the story, the characters ... and yes - the humor!

Looking forward to buying this one in the local bookstore - backed with best wishes.

Glenn (Darkling Child)

Glenn_Johnstone wrote 1319 days ago

All I can say is - I laughed my ass off as soon as I started reading ... and I kept reading!

Love the story, the characters ... and yes - the humor!

Looking forward to buying this one in the local bookstore - backed with best wishes.

Glenn (Darkling Child)

Eunice Attwood wrote 1323 days ago

I may have backed this book before, but I love the way you write and your humour, so it's on my shelf for sure. Eunice - The Temple Dancer.

Owen Quinn wrote 1405 days ago

Bizarre, funny, nonstop, wacky, strange, sideways thinking all make this a great read that absorbs easily. Backed with pleasure.

jfredlee wrote 1413 days ago

James -

This is hysterical.

You had me at God saying "Bugger!"

Glad to see the supreme being is human like the rest of us.

Reading your prologue and first chapter, I couldn't help seeing Terry Gilliam, John Cleese and the rest of the cast of Monty Python acting it out.

Still laughing as I back The Bibble.

Best of luck with The Bibble, and I would love it if you could take a look at my book.

-Jeff Lee
THE LADIES TEMPERANCE CLUB'S FAREWELL TOUR

A Knight wrote 1445 days ago

People have said it before, but this is Dogulas Adams-esque (dare I say better than his work) It's tongue-in-cheek intelligent wit at its best, and I was chirtling into my mug of tea. Fantastic from the first moment, and backed with pleasure.

Abi xxx

carlashmore wrote 1459 days ago

I have written a book called 'Bernard and the Bibble'. This could not be more different. It's really quite hilarious. A true Douglas Adamsesque??? slice of surrealist profound fun, I mean it all starts with an absolute corker of an opening line and just carries on. It is clever, insightful and utterly bizarre and it's totally engaging and enjoyable.
BAcked with pleasure.
Carl
The Time hUnters

zan wrote 1459 days ago

The Bibble
James Stanford

James,
This is a clever title you have for your book. When I first came across it, I simply saw "The Bible" because my eyes were trained to make a connection with my brain even though there were two "bbs" in there, which I simply did not notice. I thought it a curious title, after all, what would a "Bible" be doing as a title here? Anyway, I soon spotted the error of my way, and saw the two "bbs" and by this time, naturally I had to read your pitches. I think a good book starts with a good story, obviously, and this is a good one. Behind the questions you ask in your pitches, there's a lot of satire and food for thought. So, I naturally had to dip into the pages and I wasn't disappointed. This reads well and my only regret is that I didn't have the time to read more - but I will come back to it and I am glad you have uploaded the complete book here so I can see how it all ends, although I am not comfortable myself with uploading complete books (because of ideas beings easily transferred and transplanted - perhaps you might want to take down at least your last chapter? No advice here, but simply what I would do.)Anyway, I was happy to have given this a spin on my shelf and wish you success in finding a publisher. I enjoyed this very much.
Best,
Zan

Bamboo Promise wrote 1479 days ago

It is funny! Strong pitch. I love to back your back.

Burgio wrote 1488 days ago

I passed the story over the first time I saw it because I read the title as "The Bible" - and knew I'd already read that. On closer inspection, I realized there was an extra letter in there so opened it. And am glad I did. It's a funny, funny read. Dialogue is good. Descriptions are amusing. An overall good read. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

kenwyn wrote 1493 days ago

I have come to this completely unfamilair with the genre, but kind of familiar with the baggage and expectations if that makes sense?
So what you have here is a book where the reader anticipates the style, the pace and the literary sight gags.

If you don't know the genre, you don't always see them coming, or don't enjoy them to their full if you do. With me so far?

So .. it took a few moments to realise God was less Charlton Heston, more Richard Briers (!?!). Then far too many ideas far too quickly. I know many people love this kind of stuff but for me personally I would have liked you to slow it down a bit. There are some gems in your descriptions, and I hope you keep it up for the entire book, but C1 reads like you had six coffees then sat at the computer. Jeez! I'm tired out and I've just been reading.
Then the conversations. too many, too confusing. Assumes we know the characters already. You might, but we the readers do not. Take a cue from Elvis; a little less converation a little more action please.

Despite how this might read( and I am writing at 11.25pm on Friday night and its been a long week), I can see this has an awful lot going for it. But I have freely admitted in other reviews to other writers here, I am an impatient reader and you have just too much going on, at least in C1 to keep my short attention span. but I wish you luck, and maybe if I read it again in the morning it'll make more sense. Best of luck with it. Cheers. Matt

lizjrnm wrote 1502 days ago

This is very well written and so tongue in cheek _ nkept my interest in the first four chapters and i will come back for more - love it!

BACKED

Liz
The Cheech Room

bobstire wrote 1510 days ago

This makes me seethe with envy. Astonishingly good.

Very best of luck (not that you'll need luck)

John.

inzie wrote 1511 days ago

i'm with Jared here - your writing flows beautifully through your faultless dialogue. I'm a big fan of good dialogue - so much that is written lacks authenticity. Yours doesn't. Nice spiel at the start - and effortlessly imaginative - lovely stuff.

Baked (like I needed to tell you)

cheers and good luck with this

Chris

soutexmex wrote 1512 days ago

BACKING you. I can use your comments on my book if you can spare the time. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau Key

bonalibro wrote 1512 days ago

I backed this, blindly, a while ago, along with dozens of other books, to get myself out of a sticky wicket, and I am sorry that I did - the blind part, not the backing or the extraction from said sticky wicket - because this is definitely my kind of humor. I love anything steeped in irony and irreverence, and God yelling FORE! and sending the earth off into the universe is my idea of a divine madness. Please try mine, you'll enjoy it, too.

Tim Chambers
Moonbeam Highway: With Apologies to Miguel de Cervantes

udasmaan wrote 1513 days ago

There is another book the same as yours and it is doing very well, going up to the chart. i suppose you are doing other things quite often that takes your time from promoting this extraordinary work. i love the subject and it is so close to my heart. If i am not wrong your characters are God and Gabriel. that is facinating and in some parts it made me smile too. I dont have a great knowledge of English, but there are some books that just hook me, yours is the one for sure, backed with pleasure.

shah

MrsCogan wrote 1517 days ago

wonderfully irreverent!

jtgradishar wrote 1517 days ago

Your book has the perfect title: it conveys all the wonderfully irreverent humor to be found inside.

Take cover after you publish this one. For my part, I was laughing out loud at parts of it.

Well done and backed!

Famlavan wrote 1520 days ago

With a tittle like that I couldn’t resist, and I was not disappointed very, very good, fantastic humour.

Bubbity wrote 1521 days ago

James, the Bibble is a great satirical piece, from the title, to the pitch, to the first line - as soon as I read it I was gripped and it kept going at a good old pace. This is one of those exceptions to my usual genres, precisely because of your witty approach and dialogue eg "we need to have that talk about corsetry" (this and many other lines had me laughing out loud).
Happily backed
Kati Jane (Little Guide to Unhip)

George Chittenden wrote 1521 days ago

Sorry to mimic Jared but your opening line is fantastic! When a book has you laughing at the very start it’s a good sign, reading on I wasn't disappointed. Your plot is ridiculous and I mean that as a huge, huge compliment. Backed

George (The Touch of God)

Janine Crowley Haynes wrote 1524 days ago

Hi James,

The title alone, The Bibble, is alluring. What a refreshing, comedic approach to philosophical concepts of God, the universe and how things came to be. Your description of God, liking his balls (planets) and creating a golf club to whack the blue and green ball into space is amusing to say the least. I also love how you've made Gabriel such a likable, lazy glutton with chocolate on his face.

It may be a matter of taste, but I feel your first chapter might be a bit too long--you might want to break it into two parts. I've also noticed a few possessive apostrophes missing. For example, "mans presence" should be man's presence and "fat mans nose" should be fat man's nose.

This is one of the most original conceptual pieces I've read on this site. I'm glad to see you've uploaded the entire book. Wishing you all the best with the entertaining piece.

Backed,
Janine
MY KIND OF CRAZY

bonalibro wrote 1528 days ago

Hi,

I have backed your book because I found it eminently readable
but have to cover 25 books a day just to keep my place on here.
If you would like a more specific comment please return the favor.
Good luck with it.

Tim Chambers
Moonbeam Highway: With Apologies to Miguel de Cervantes.
Moonbeam Highway: With Apologies to Miguel de Cervantes.

Helena wrote 1530 days ago

Hi James, this is brilliant, really funny, I love your sharp sense of humor mixed with an ironic wit. It very english humor and I can never put my finger on what it is exactly but when it's done well its brilliant. I love the characters, the prologue is very funny, poor old god is having a hard time. Then the dialogue between thel and the little fat man is brilliant, I laughed out loud when Thel asked him who he was, you really are a master at dialogue, its really quick and sharp and as I said before extremely funny. On my shelf without a doubt, a mix of monty python and terry pratchett, not bad company! Helena (A Load of Rubbish)

lionel25 wrote 1535 days ago

James, I've looked at your first chapter. I could follow it logically. Good writing. It needs another round of revision, though.

Chapter One, second paragraph, third sentence: "mans presence" should be "man's presence"

Backed for the potential.

Joffrey

writingwildly wrote 1536 days ago

Love this!
The opening line is priceless. Then there were so many more ... "bob...bob...bob ... you look remarkably like a goldfish". This is so funny. And you write it smoothly with terrific descriptions.
definitely backed
Genevieve
Under the Same Sky

AlanMarling wrote 1536 days ago

Dear James Stanford,

Thank you for sharing your story with us. Your opening paragraphs had me grinning immediately. I appreciate your whimsical and iconoclastic sense of humor. The dialog between God and that chocolate-grubbing Gabriel swept me into the narrative.

In my fallible opinion, you could make your long pitch even better by making it shorter. You demonstrate your funny in the first paragraph as well as giving us an idea of a plot, and battling a demon is a sufficient cliffhanger. I suggest cutting the second paragraph, as the series of questions don’t add significantly to the tension you’ve built. If you wished to add more to your long pitch, you could throw in a few sympathy factors for your protagonist.

This small matter aside, I enjoyed your story. Bravo! Backed.

Best wishes,
Alan Marling

S.D. Gillen wrote 1537 days ago

Oh how this made me giggle! Funny! You have a great writing style. There's nothing I'd advise you to fix or change. Good stuff. My kind of story.
This is the kind of story you have to share with others. You know, the kind with quotes, like movies. People are always saying "Movie quote" and then they quote thier favorite line. I could do the same with your book. Over and over!
Book quote! "It's the feet thing, isn't it? It always seems to annoy people, that one." or "I like my balls, and I want to keep them. By which I mean spherical planets."
This is great!!!!

SD Gillen

Bradley Wind wrote 1538 days ago

Jimmy, I bet you are damn funny at a pub.
I'm also betting tons have said K.Vonnegut and D.Adams to you already right? Chalk another check for me on those too. Very well done. You should contact a fellow named Dai Lowe on this site. He's often known to call the Bible the Bibble and your humor seems like he might enjoy...hard to say really (I barely know myself) but I bet if you made a movie of this book Dai would make an excellent Thelopius. Please excuse my ridiculousness.
This is incredibly clever.
This is mad.
Yes, I loved the prizes at the bottom of the box. Could hardly believe it when they started putting them outside of the cereal bag. No more waiting or digging? What fun is that? I'd love an Insectosaurus.
I want some Jumpy Mix.
As Jared says below...it really is that good. minus one O of course.
I hope your beard is bushy.
I want this to succeed.
Best to you.
-=Bradley

Francesco wrote 1541 days ago

Oh so clever and very amusing.
Enjoyable.
Backed.

Rosali Webb wrote 1541 days ago

james
Intriguing little number. Found the dialogue quite amusing as they bantered away. Reminded me of a Monty Python sketch in some parts - hope that's okay me saying that? Anyway, spotlessly written, and a breath of fresh air. Backed. Rosali Webb
Fieldtrip to Mars

CharlieChuck wrote 1544 days ago

This is very, very funny. had me laughing at the start. It's the that makes this type of comedy, the little funny bits that add up to a whole - Elvis & George formby arguing over scrabble, holding on the telephone, too many to list. Had a feel of pratchett as well as the obvious Hitchhikers. You've got a knack of making the characters instantly likeable and funny.
I read chap 1 and bits of 13 & 27 to check it was still funny. And it is.
I've read nearly 400 books on this site and I would buy about 6 of them, this is one of them. Obviously backed. I really hope you get this published.
Charlie

Marvel Gumshoe wrote 1544 days ago

This is very good. I read the first chapter and started the second but now I must work. I think the style is probably closer to DNA's that Eoin Colfer's attempt. The timing is great, the dialogue is spot on. I spotted what looked like one punctuation error and one clunky phrase ' Had he had' but otherwise I can see no reason why this wouldn't be snapped up - based on teh first chapter alone. Have you submitted it around the houses?

One thing though, your pitch seems too close to DNA, try to distinguish yourself as you, as a brilliant sci-fi humourist. Drop the mention of the cocktail - it says 'I've copied the Pangalactic Gargle Blaster.'


Well done.
M.

Jed Oliver wrote 1545 days ago

Wonderfully hilarious! I think this should be required reading in some special school for some special kind of people.
The question about WHAT special kind of people is open for discussion. I suspect that anyone who reads it becomes, in a special way, special. I have specially shelved it, so it will be ready when needed. Especially yours, Jedward (Knut)

JupiterGirl wrote 1545 days ago

Hi James, I didn't know quite what I was expecting when I read this. The word, Insectosaurus, makes me shiver. That aside, this irreverent romp of a read is highly amusing and I'm sure will do well! Shelved. JupiterGirl (Twins of the Astral Plane.)

William Holt wrote 1549 days ago

As we say in Texas, this is a hoot! Snappy dialogue, wonderfully absurd descriptions, plenty of action. This has to be a winner.

Shelved--Bill

B. J. Winters wrote 1549 days ago

I decided to start reading your ending - Chapter 35 was interesting - coming into this cold the names added an intriguing touch of humor and it seemed there were still in jokes to share with the reader (whatever floats your boat) as an example to keep this fresh. I did find though that the sentences were a bit wordy. My main recommendation would be to make sure that each and every word is necessary. For example: "Looking through the doorway Ted could see a number of the drones in a similar state; some were sitting...." Can be just as effective as "Ted could see a number of drones sitting...." We already know where he is in relation to the scene, and you tell me what 'similar state is' with the sitting -- so do I need those other words? Just a thought.

Chapter 36 tidies the story up nicely - I liked the return to the music channel scene. A reader should be able to visualize this easily. Best of luck to you.

JD Revene wrote 1550 days ago

James,

The short pitch struck me as not quite working, but then the long version is a tour de force and shows what you were aiming for in the short. Reading on I'm expecting something in the vein of the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Universe.

Love the prologue--or bit at the start if you prefer.

Have you read the Carpe Trade here, By MrESheep? I think you'd like it. It's very funny--and so's this.

Funny names (Li Ping), ridiculous situations described in a dry down to earth manner, and swipes at things that frustrate us all (call waiting). This is wel put together and easy to read.

I've found little to comment on by way of constructive criticism. You seem to have the voice right for this, and that's the key to this sort of thing, I think. Your story meanders but it's well enough told that I don't mind. I keep finding new reasons to smile.

I'm giving this a spin on my shelf.

meemers wrote 1550 days ago

This writing makes it easy to jump in with both feet and stay. It's got the sparkle and humor that we crave in our lives right now.

backed with pleasure
Sue Sohn

Jonathon_LaMella wrote 1550 days ago

A very well written title and pitch. The first chapter introduces the story well and the dialogue flows nicely. Backed.
Jonathon

A.P. Constantin wrote 1551 days ago

Amidst all this formula genre that takes itself so seriously, it is refreshing to see humour for its own sake. The greats of the field (e.g. Douglas Adams) use satire and sarcasm, you chose bafoonery.

Bafoonery can be effective but you have to watch it. Just go over your text and trim the "jollies" and the "bloodies."

Superlative choice of title!

A.P. Constantin

The Crystal Butterfly Club

Rheagan wrote 1551 days ago

Hello James,
I was browsing the sites of some people I respect and having come across the Bibble, I couldn't resist having a look. I loved it! Suited my sense of humour perfectly. Not only is it hilarious, it's also very well written, smooth and quickly engaging. I would happily buy a copy. Good luck with it, I hope it's successful. Backed with enthusiasm.
Rheagan Greene Unwelcome Reflections.
PS If you’d lkie to read mine, great. If it’s not your thing, don’t worry. No problem.

klouholmes wrote 1551 days ago

Hi James, I enjoyed this for the idea that everyday people might have a more important purpose than it seems - and the whimsical way that this is written. Loved Steve making his call to the beyond and being treated like a forgettable entity. And the bumbling in the shop. The dialogue is delectable, Angus' vernacular coming in with comedy. I can see it will take some fancy plotting to make Thelopius realize his important purpose. Well-written! Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)

nboving wrote 1551 days ago

"The Bibble"
How can you possibly not read a bit of a novel that starts "Bugger," said God. I think what really got me though is the absolutely great dialogue: it's bloody funny, and I defy anyone not to want to keep reading once they start.
Which means me. "FORE," he bellowed. I guess he didn't make a hole in one, but I think you may have.

This is on my watch list until I can make room to back, and then I'm going to read a whole lot more.

Nicholas ("The Warlock") - Horro/Thriller

Sam Fallow wrote 1552 days ago

Hi James, I backed this a few days ago and thought you might like my comments.

Love it! I notice Douglas Adams name in your bio and the influence is clear and the connection is worthy of him.
The only glitch I spotted is in Ch3, 'Thelopius looked supervisors back as it walked away. '
Good luck with this,

SF

p.s. I believe in Bob.

Kolro wrote 1552 days ago

Can't believe I've taken so long to get round to reading this. This is tremendous fun that appeals to my love of all things absolutely barking mad. The dialogue here is great. You've mastered the fine art of snappy back-and-forth chatter (my favourite being the whole '...my left...' thing). This is a hilarious piece of work that deserves to do well. Good show old bean.

jamacleod wrote 1552 days ago

I really enjoy this genre of books. Besides being a fan of Douglas Adams, I love Terry Prachett, and his Good Omens book reminds me of The Bibble. This is a great read. backed

123