Book Jacket

 

rank 1275
word count 93233
date submitted 11.02.2009
date updated 15.01.2010
genres: Fiction, Science Fiction, Fantasy, ...
classification: universal
complete

The Bibble

James Stanford

Could music be the key to the perfect world - and why are comfortable shoes so damned important?

 

‘The Bibble’ is the story of an extra terrestrial road trip during which an extraordinarily average fellow deals with discovering that the fate of Earth and its five sister planets may just rest on his shoulders. Jaunting around the cosmos in a camper van powered by a Bloody Stupid Generator, Thelopius Rumblebutt and his companions discover a plot to end the world, stumble across the most feculent man in known history, do battle with Beelzebub, and drink copious amounts of a cocktail that has been known to start wars.

Could one man be responsible for life on Earth? Is the universe as we know it run by aging alcoholics with a penchant for extended holidays? Can an utterly normal bloke from Swindon save the world as we know it? Does he even know that he has to? And why is that chartered accountant wielding a cudgel? There's only one way to find out...

'The Bibble' is complete at 93,000 words.

 
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tags

alternative world, beelzebub, comedy, comic fantasy, douglas adams, fantasy, good vs evil, jasper fforde, music, outlandish, pop culture, religion, sc...

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138 comments

 

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Chapters

31

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Chapter Thirty One

 

Tel sat up and moved both hands to his aching head, clenching at his temples in a bid to rid himself of the incessant buzzing.  He had been barely conscious of being dragged out of the van, briefly inspected by an oversized smug white blob and then bundled into another room.   He rubbed his chest where the electrodes had implanted themselves.

“Stop playing with your nipples.”

“Sky!  You’re okay.”

“Not exactly – I got the electric shock therapy too.  Now I know why you advised me to bring spare undies.  You could lose all control with that thing firing into you.”

“No permanent damage though?”

“My hair might take a while to calm down, but apart from that no.”

“Darren, are you okay?”

“I’ve been better.  Do you really know what you’re doing?”

“Not entirely, but I’m trying my hardest.”

Tel took stock of his surroundings, which transpired to be a small room, decorated with nothing but a radiator and with only a little grill in the heavy door by way of a window.  A dishevelled looking Sky was sitting on the floor opposite him, with her equally dishevelled looking brother next to her.  A fourth cell mate was sat behind them, grinning nervously.

“Meet Clive,” Said Sky, “It seems that he sniffles no longer.”

“Your cure worked a treat.” Said Clive.

“Clive,” Said Tel, “I saw you being kidnapped outside the chemist. What happened?  Who kidnapped you?  Where are we?”

“Wish I knew.  This fat bird and her skinny little gimp jumped me and brought me here.  I think it’s some kind of factory – lots of geezers in white outfits mincing about the place.  They showed me to this fat Chinese bloke – Li something they called him.”

“Li Ping – the demon!” Exclaimed Tel.

“Some kind of bastard more like.  He made me run my arse off on a treadmill, do star jumps and all sorts of silly buggering about.  Then at the end of it all he complained about my feculence!  I don’t know what that is, but it sounded quite offensive.”

“It’s nothing to do with sounding offensive – it’s about smelling offensive.  He wanted you for your…special olfactory qualities.”

“What?”

“But because of Sky’s cure, you’d lost them. So he tried to get them back.”

“You mean my ailments?  Sky got rid of the lot – housemaids knee, lice of the lower regions, dropsy, itchy particulars.  All gone.  If he wanted my diseases then this place must be a laboratory or something.” 

“Or Something I think.”

“Anyway, after deciding that my feculence wasn’t up to snuff he chucked me in here.  That was days ago, and I’ve been here ever since.  I get some food shoved through the door a couple of times a day by one of the white coats but apart from that I’ve not seen a soul until you arrived.”

“What about escape?”

“Solid walls, concrete floor, heavy locked door with a tiny barred window.  There’s one way in and one way out – and a couple of white coats are permanently stationed beyond that door.”

Sky stood up and stretched.

“Sod escape for now,” She said, “I want to know what’s going on.  There’s obviously more to this than music promotion, and I want some answers.”

“I’ve told you what I can,” Pleaded Tel, “It’s complex.”

“Piffle.  It looks like we’re stuck in here for a while, so you’ve got the time to explain.”

Tel looked at the three innocents imprisoned with him, and knew that they deserved to know the truth.  However, this in no way persuaded him to tell it to them. He quickly prepared a diluted version.

“Okay then, here goes.  I don’t fully understand it, but music is more important than charts and record sales.  It’s a fundamental need of this planet.  Without it, the world will fail.  There are forces at work fighting to control music, forces stronger than you can imagine – stronger than armies, more powerful than nations.  Bubb, and I suppose our captors here, are working to destroy it.  They are instigating bland, soulless music that floods the world and stifles all that is good.  Doctor Why and Bob, and I suppose myself, we stand in the way of that.  We fight the good fight, try and keep their bland drivel from infecting too many ears.”

Sky looked at him intently.

“There’s more to it than that.  Spill it.”

“No,” said Darren, shaking his head, “Think about it.  A conspiracy theory – powerful agencies in secret battles.  Stronger than governments or armies!  It must be true!”

“I admit that all we’ve been told by TV and the media over the years points at a conspiracy.  But what has Clive got to do with music?”  Asked a sceptical Sky.

“That’s the bit I still don’t understand.  We need to get out of here quick – I don’t think we have much time before something big is going to happen.”

 

Cerberus poked at the door and it swung open without resistance.  He stepped inside the house and then paused, listening for the sounds of inhabitants.  Confident that no-one and nothing was moving around the property, he beckoned to Bubb.

“Not a soul, Boss.”

“Where are they?  There’s no sign of anyone breaking in here,” Bubb paused to stroke his chin, “So they had a key, so it must be Thelopius’ house.  Why would they abandon the van here and leave the place open?”

Bubb walked through the house, rifling through papers, checking behind chairs and under tables.

Cerberus watched this for a moment.  He then proceeded to follow Bubb around, ripping up papers, smashing chairs and overturning tables.

“Cerberus!  What are you doing?”

“Copying you, boss.”

“I was checking for clues as to their whereabouts.”

Oh.  I was just busting stuff up.”

“Well, stop it.  We might miss something”

They had progressed to the kitchen and Bubb looked around.

“Three cups and three bowls on the draining board.  They’ve definitely been here.”

“Maybe they’ll come back soon.  They might have gone for a walk.”

“No.  The door was ajar – they left in a hurry.  But where to?”

He looked back out into the hallway and jumped back in shock.

“Er, hello.” Said the little old woman who stood there.

“Who are you?” Demanded Bubb.

“I’m Ethel Shrub.  I live next door.”

“Well why don’t you go back there, dearie.”

“How rude!  I came to tell you about it.”

“About what?”

“The three people.  But I don’t know if I should now.  You’re obviously very busy.”

Bubb put on his most charming face.

“So sorry, my dear.  I’m just worried you see – the door was open, no-one was here.  I fear the worst for my friends.  Come, sit down and we’ll make you a cup of tea.”

Ethel Shrub stamped into the room and plonked herself down upon a kitchen chair.

“White, exactly half a teaspoon of sugar, and some biscuits.  Not chocolate though, they give me the runs.”

Bubb motioned to Cerberus with his hand. 

“Hello, boss.” Said Cerberus, waving back.

“I meant make the tea.”  Sighed the Lord of Hades.

Cerberus busied himself while Bubb took a seat beside Ethel.

“So, Mrs Shrub – or may I call you Ethel.”

“You can call me Ms Shrub.  I’m an independent woman.”

“I can see that you are.  What about these three people you saw?”

“They were in a van.”

“Yes, a camper van.”

“No, a yellow one.  It left.”

“No, a camper van.  It’s outside.”

“No, a yellow one.  It left.”

Bubb began to think that his visitor was not quite all there.

“Are you not quite all there?” She asked him.

“What?”

“The yellow van. It came and took them away.  The camper van’s been sitting out there all the time, it hasn’t gone anywhere.”

“I see,” Said Bubb as the light dawned, “They took another van.”

“No.”

Bubb frowned as Cerberus handed Ms Shrub her tea.

“What do you mean no?  You said they left in a yellow van.”

“Too much sugar, not enough milk, but it’ll do,” She said, “And no I didn’t.  I said that they were taken away in another van.”

“Who by.”

“A funny little fellow with one of those tosser guns.”

“Pardon?”

“You know – all electrodes and wires and making folk wobble.”

“A taser gun?”

“That’s what I said.  They were taken away by a bloke who had one.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.  I’ve got one in my handbag.  Do you want to see it?”

“No thanks.”  Bubb waved his hand nervously.

“It’s really powerful.  Mr Chunky was never the same again.”

“Mr Chunky?”

“My cat.  He’s buried by the aspidistra.”

“Oh.  I’d rather not know. What happened to the three people?”

“The little fellow shot them with the gun, and they fell over and wriggled about a bit.  He got them into the back of his van, and drove away.”

“What did you do?”

“I watched.”

“I mean afterwards – did you call anyone.”

“Yes, my friend Annie.  She said it sounded quite exciting.”

“Anyone else?”

“Yes.  I called Mabel, and Bet, and Mr. Benson who went a bit funny since his wife had that incident but we tolerate him because he’s lonely, although last week he went to the Butchers without his trousers and we….”

“What about the police,” Interrupted Bubb, “Did you call them?”

“No, of course not – I mean, it’s none of my business, is it.”

She sipped her tea and dipped a digestive into it.

“Where did you watch all this from?”

“My spare bedroom.  I’ve got a chair by the window.”

Bubb stared at Ms Shrub.

“You didn’t call the police or do anything when you saw these three people electrocuted?

“As I said, none of my business.  I’m not a nosy person by nature.”

“Just by practice.”

“What?”

“Nothing.  Can you describe the van?”

“Bright yellow.”

“Anything else.”

“Very van like.”

“So I gather.  What about the make or model?”

“Didn’t notice.”

“Did it have any writing on the side?”

“Didn’t see any.”

“Distinguishing marks or dents?”

“Not really.  I see it around Swindon a lot, always whizzing about the place.”

“Local then.”

“I suppose so.  Though why you’d drive a silly little van with three wheels I don’t know.”

“It’s a bright yellow three wheeler?”

“Oh yes.  Didn’t I mention that?”

 

“They’re not flinching,” Said Tel, “It’s as if they can’t even hear me.”

He gave a few more raps on the little window before giving up and pressing his eye to the glass.  The two sentinels were standing exactly as they had been throughout Tel’s ten minutes of knocking, banging and shouting. Staring at the back of their heads revealed nothing but the wire running from a little radio receiver lodged in their ears.

“Give it up,” Said Darren, “It’s not worth the effort.”

As he spoke Darren rapped out a little ditty on a radiator pipe with his knuckles.

“He’s right,” Said Clive, “They won’t respond.”

Clive slapped his thigh in time with Darren’s beat.

“Sit down and wait like the rest of us.” Said Sky.

Stretched out in a corner, Sky opened her mouth and flicked at her cheek to produce a popping sound.

“Ba-da-da-da.” Said Clive unexpectedly.

“Ba-da-da-da.” Responded Sky with a little smile.

Darren’s beat had picked up and now included a little melody strummed out from the radiator grill.

“Ba-da.”

Ba-da.”

“Ba-da-da-da.”

“Bloody hell,” Said Tel, “They’re moving.”

“Bit early for lunch.” Said Clive, ceasing his slapping as Darren continued his tune.

“Maybe it’s a shift change.” Said Sky.

“Wait a minute,” Said Tel, “They’ve stopped again.”

He stared at the immobile figures outside the door.

“Pick it up, Darren.”

Darren complied, making his tune more complex with his whirring fingers.

“Clive, slap it.”

A puzzled Clive did as he was bid and used both hands to slap out a rhythm on his thighs.

“It’s the music,” Exclaimed Tel, “They’re responding to it!  Take it away, Sky.”

“Ba-da-da-da.” She sang, clicking her fingers.

“Ba-da-da-da.” Responded Clive.

“Ba-da.” Tel joined in.

Ba-da.”

“Ba-da-da-da.”

The tune picked up and soon all four prisoners were slapping, popping or clicking and singing.

“It’s working – they’re turning.” Called Tel at the window, before stepping back to perform a complex fill by flicking his teeth.

The cell door suddenly swung open and the doorway was filled by one of the drones in white coats.  His dull eyes flickered occasionally as he stared into the room, and one of his feet trembled as if a dance was waiting to burst forth.  His colleague stood behind him in similar fashion, drooling slightly.

“Take it to the top!” Shouted Tel.

The rhythm speeded up once more.  Darren’s fingers whirred across the radiator grill to pluck out a maddening melody, Sky and Clive harmonised as they slapped and clapped, and Tel continued his dental riffing.

The two drones plodded into the cell, and without breaking the beat Tel strode behind them.  Segueing to a single hand incisor solo Tel reached down and pulled the keys from the outside lock then swung the door shut with his foot.

“Jump them!” He called.

“Ske-bob-a-do-bop-a-scoobididoobidy-doo-bop-a-lula-baby!”

Clive gyrated wildly round the cell, slapping the walls, the doors and even the white coats of the two new arrivals.  He came to his senses as his hand landed on a part of Sky that he had no right to touch.

“Sorry.”

Sky rubbed furiously.

“You will be you perv…”

“BLOODY JUMP THEM!”

Tel leapt on the foremost guard as he began to shake off the effects of the tune and reach dumbly for the taser gun lodged in his belt.  With a parting glance at Clive Sky joined him, while Darren and Clive pulled the other down.  The two white coats were strangely unresisting and were easily overpowered, and in a few moments their white outfits were being pulled from them.

“Me and Sky will take the disguises, and escort you two around – we’ll keep out of sight where we can, and this gear should fool any more of these slack jawed yokels who spot us.”

Within minutes Tel and Sky were disguised, and Clive was vibrating slightly where Sky had taken revenge with a taser gun.

“What’s the plan?” She asked Tel.

“A recce first of all.  We need to find out what this place is.”

 

 

Chapters

31

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Jared wrote 1566 days ago

A very inventive title and strong pitches are great incentives to read this and the opening line is a cracker. I've read ten chapters without pause and would read on if I could. I'm loving this. I see you've included a Douglas Adams tag - inevitable I suppose, but this is the book the great man should have written. It really is that good.
From "utterly normal bloke" onwards, you had a fan here. Very funny, relentlessly manic, a tour de force.
Polish it and send it out to every publisher out there. If this doesn't get into print, there's no hope for anyone.
Backed with admiration.
Jared.

Katrina Twitchett wrote 1882 days ago

James,

If this book were a pudding it would be jam roly poly and custard. And I would cry as I've given pudding up for Lent.

When this is published, pleeeease would you sign a copy for me?

Shelved with a passion. And a dribbly bit of custard.

Kat

Michelle Gadsden wrote 1271 days ago

love it!!! Very funny book. Hurry up and publish!

Joanna Carter wrote 1324 days ago

Backed, when I can stop laughing long enough to hit the button.
Joanna
Fossil Farm

Glenn_Johnstone wrote 1324 days ago

All I can say is - I laughed my ass off as soon as I started reading ... and I kept reading!

Love the story, the characters ... and yes - the humor!

Looking forward to buying this one in the local bookstore - backed with best wishes.

Glenn (Darkling Child)

Glenn_Johnstone wrote 1324 days ago

All I can say is - I laughed my ass off as soon as I started reading ... and I kept reading!

Love the story, the characters ... and yes - the humor!

Looking forward to buying this one in the local bookstore - backed with best wishes.

Glenn (Darkling Child)

Eunice Attwood wrote 1327 days ago

I may have backed this book before, but I love the way you write and your humour, so it's on my shelf for sure. Eunice - The Temple Dancer.

Owen Quinn wrote 1410 days ago

Bizarre, funny, nonstop, wacky, strange, sideways thinking all make this a great read that absorbs easily. Backed with pleasure.

jfredlee wrote 1418 days ago

James -

This is hysterical.

You had me at God saying "Bugger!"

Glad to see the supreme being is human like the rest of us.

Reading your prologue and first chapter, I couldn't help seeing Terry Gilliam, John Cleese and the rest of the cast of Monty Python acting it out.

Still laughing as I back The Bibble.

Best of luck with The Bibble, and I would love it if you could take a look at my book.

-Jeff Lee
THE LADIES TEMPERANCE CLUB'S FAREWELL TOUR

A Knight wrote 1449 days ago

People have said it before, but this is Dogulas Adams-esque (dare I say better than his work) It's tongue-in-cheek intelligent wit at its best, and I was chirtling into my mug of tea. Fantastic from the first moment, and backed with pleasure.

Abi xxx

carlashmore wrote 1464 days ago

I have written a book called 'Bernard and the Bibble'. This could not be more different. It's really quite hilarious. A true Douglas Adamsesque??? slice of surrealist profound fun, I mean it all starts with an absolute corker of an opening line and just carries on. It is clever, insightful and utterly bizarre and it's totally engaging and enjoyable.
BAcked with pleasure.
Carl
The Time hUnters

zan wrote 1464 days ago

The Bibble
James Stanford

James,
This is a clever title you have for your book. When I first came across it, I simply saw "The Bible" because my eyes were trained to make a connection with my brain even though there were two "bbs" in there, which I simply did not notice. I thought it a curious title, after all, what would a "Bible" be doing as a title here? Anyway, I soon spotted the error of my way, and saw the two "bbs" and by this time, naturally I had to read your pitches. I think a good book starts with a good story, obviously, and this is a good one. Behind the questions you ask in your pitches, there's a lot of satire and food for thought. So, I naturally had to dip into the pages and I wasn't disappointed. This reads well and my only regret is that I didn't have the time to read more - but I will come back to it and I am glad you have uploaded the complete book here so I can see how it all ends, although I am not comfortable myself with uploading complete books (because of ideas beings easily transferred and transplanted - perhaps you might want to take down at least your last chapter? No advice here, but simply what I would do.)Anyway, I was happy to have given this a spin on my shelf and wish you success in finding a publisher. I enjoyed this very much.
Best,
Zan

Bamboo Promise wrote 1483 days ago

It is funny! Strong pitch. I love to back your back.

Burgio wrote 1493 days ago

I passed the story over the first time I saw it because I read the title as "The Bible" - and knew I'd already read that. On closer inspection, I realized there was an extra letter in there so opened it. And am glad I did. It's a funny, funny read. Dialogue is good. Descriptions are amusing. An overall good read. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

kenwyn wrote 1497 days ago

I have come to this completely unfamilair with the genre, but kind of familiar with the baggage and expectations if that makes sense?
So what you have here is a book where the reader anticipates the style, the pace and the literary sight gags.

If you don't know the genre, you don't always see them coming, or don't enjoy them to their full if you do. With me so far?

So .. it took a few moments to realise God was less Charlton Heston, more Richard Briers (!?!). Then far too many ideas far too quickly. I know many people love this kind of stuff but for me personally I would have liked you to slow it down a bit. There are some gems in your descriptions, and I hope you keep it up for the entire book, but C1 reads like you had six coffees then sat at the computer. Jeez! I'm tired out and I've just been reading.
Then the conversations. too many, too confusing. Assumes we know the characters already. You might, but we the readers do not. Take a cue from Elvis; a little less converation a little more action please.

Despite how this might read( and I am writing at 11.25pm on Friday night and its been a long week), I can see this has an awful lot going for it. But I have freely admitted in other reviews to other writers here, I am an impatient reader and you have just too much going on, at least in C1 to keep my short attention span. but I wish you luck, and maybe if I read it again in the morning it'll make more sense. Best of luck with it. Cheers. Matt

lizjrnm wrote 1506 days ago

This is very well written and so tongue in cheek _ nkept my interest in the first four chapters and i will come back for more - love it!

BACKED

Liz
The Cheech Room

bobstire wrote 1514 days ago

This makes me seethe with envy. Astonishingly good.

Very best of luck (not that you'll need luck)

John.

inzie wrote 1515 days ago

i'm with Jared here - your writing flows beautifully through your faultless dialogue. I'm a big fan of good dialogue - so much that is written lacks authenticity. Yours doesn't. Nice spiel at the start - and effortlessly imaginative - lovely stuff.

Baked (like I needed to tell you)

cheers and good luck with this

Chris

soutexmex wrote 1517 days ago

BACKING you. I can use your comments on my book if you can spare the time. Cheers!

JC
The Obergemau Key

bonalibro wrote 1517 days ago

I backed this, blindly, a while ago, along with dozens of other books, to get myself out of a sticky wicket, and I am sorry that I did - the blind part, not the backing or the extraction from said sticky wicket - because this is definitely my kind of humor. I love anything steeped in irony and irreverence, and God yelling FORE! and sending the earth off into the universe is my idea of a divine madness. Please try mine, you'll enjoy it, too.

Tim Chambers
Moonbeam Highway: With Apologies to Miguel de Cervantes

udasmaan wrote 1518 days ago

There is another book the same as yours and it is doing very well, going up to the chart. i suppose you are doing other things quite often that takes your time from promoting this extraordinary work. i love the subject and it is so close to my heart. If i am not wrong your characters are God and Gabriel. that is facinating and in some parts it made me smile too. I dont have a great knowledge of English, but there are some books that just hook me, yours is the one for sure, backed with pleasure.

shah

MrsCogan wrote 1522 days ago

wonderfully irreverent!

jtgradishar wrote 1522 days ago

Your book has the perfect title: it conveys all the wonderfully irreverent humor to be found inside.

Take cover after you publish this one. For my part, I was laughing out loud at parts of it.

Well done and backed!

Famlavan wrote 1524 days ago

With a tittle like that I couldn’t resist, and I was not disappointed very, very good, fantastic humour.

Bubbity wrote 1526 days ago

James, the Bibble is a great satirical piece, from the title, to the pitch, to the first line - as soon as I read it I was gripped and it kept going at a good old pace. This is one of those exceptions to my usual genres, precisely because of your witty approach and dialogue eg "we need to have that talk about corsetry" (this and many other lines had me laughing out loud).
Happily backed
Kati Jane (Little Guide to Unhip)

George Chittenden wrote 1526 days ago

Sorry to mimic Jared but your opening line is fantastic! When a book has you laughing at the very start it’s a good sign, reading on I wasn't disappointed. Your plot is ridiculous and I mean that as a huge, huge compliment. Backed

George (The Touch of God)

Janine Crowley Haynes wrote 1529 days ago

Hi James,

The title alone, The Bibble, is alluring. What a refreshing, comedic approach to philosophical concepts of God, the universe and how things came to be. Your description of God, liking his balls (planets) and creating a golf club to whack the blue and green ball into space is amusing to say the least. I also love how you've made Gabriel such a likable, lazy glutton with chocolate on his face.

It may be a matter of taste, but I feel your first chapter might be a bit too long--you might want to break it into two parts. I've also noticed a few possessive apostrophes missing. For example, "mans presence" should be man's presence and "fat mans nose" should be fat man's nose.

This is one of the most original conceptual pieces I've read on this site. I'm glad to see you've uploaded the entire book. Wishing you all the best with the entertaining piece.

Backed,
Janine
MY KIND OF CRAZY

bonalibro wrote 1532 days ago

Hi,

I have backed your book because I found it eminently readable
but have to cover 25 books a day just to keep my place on here.
If you would like a more specific comment please return the favor.
Good luck with it.

Tim Chambers
Moonbeam Highway: With Apologies to Miguel de Cervantes.
Moonbeam Highway: With Apologies to Miguel de Cervantes.

Helena wrote 1535 days ago

Hi James, this is brilliant, really funny, I love your sharp sense of humor mixed with an ironic wit. It very english humor and I can never put my finger on what it is exactly but when it's done well its brilliant. I love the characters, the prologue is very funny, poor old god is having a hard time. Then the dialogue between thel and the little fat man is brilliant, I laughed out loud when Thel asked him who he was, you really are a master at dialogue, its really quick and sharp and as I said before extremely funny. On my shelf without a doubt, a mix of monty python and terry pratchett, not bad company! Helena (A Load of Rubbish)

lionel25 wrote 1540 days ago

James, I've looked at your first chapter. I could follow it logically. Good writing. It needs another round of revision, though.

Chapter One, second paragraph, third sentence: "mans presence" should be "man's presence"

Backed for the potential.

Joffrey

writingwildly wrote 1540 days ago

Love this!
The opening line is priceless. Then there were so many more ... "bob...bob...bob ... you look remarkably like a goldfish". This is so funny. And you write it smoothly with terrific descriptions.
definitely backed
Genevieve
Under the Same Sky

AlanMarling wrote 1540 days ago

Dear James Stanford,

Thank you for sharing your story with us. Your opening paragraphs had me grinning immediately. I appreciate your whimsical and iconoclastic sense of humor. The dialog between God and that chocolate-grubbing Gabriel swept me into the narrative.

In my fallible opinion, you could make your long pitch even better by making it shorter. You demonstrate your funny in the first paragraph as well as giving us an idea of a plot, and battling a demon is a sufficient cliffhanger. I suggest cutting the second paragraph, as the series of questions don’t add significantly to the tension you’ve built. If you wished to add more to your long pitch, you could throw in a few sympathy factors for your protagonist.

This small matter aside, I enjoyed your story. Bravo! Backed.

Best wishes,
Alan Marling

S.D. Gillen wrote 1542 days ago

Oh how this made me giggle! Funny! You have a great writing style. There's nothing I'd advise you to fix or change. Good stuff. My kind of story.
This is the kind of story you have to share with others. You know, the kind with quotes, like movies. People are always saying "Movie quote" and then they quote thier favorite line. I could do the same with your book. Over and over!
Book quote! "It's the feet thing, isn't it? It always seems to annoy people, that one." or "I like my balls, and I want to keep them. By which I mean spherical planets."
This is great!!!!

SD Gillen

Bradley Wind wrote 1542 days ago

Jimmy, I bet you are damn funny at a pub.
I'm also betting tons have said K.Vonnegut and D.Adams to you already right? Chalk another check for me on those too. Very well done. You should contact a fellow named Dai Lowe on this site. He's often known to call the Bible the Bibble and your humor seems like he might enjoy...hard to say really (I barely know myself) but I bet if you made a movie of this book Dai would make an excellent Thelopius. Please excuse my ridiculousness.
This is incredibly clever.
This is mad.
Yes, I loved the prizes at the bottom of the box. Could hardly believe it when they started putting them outside of the cereal bag. No more waiting or digging? What fun is that? I'd love an Insectosaurus.
I want some Jumpy Mix.
As Jared says below...it really is that good. minus one O of course.
I hope your beard is bushy.
I want this to succeed.
Best to you.
-=Bradley

Francesco wrote 1545 days ago

Oh so clever and very amusing.
Enjoyable.
Backed.

Rosali Webb wrote 1545 days ago

james
Intriguing little number. Found the dialogue quite amusing as they bantered away. Reminded me of a Monty Python sketch in some parts - hope that's okay me saying that? Anyway, spotlessly written, and a breath of fresh air. Backed. Rosali Webb
Fieldtrip to Mars

CharlieChuck wrote 1548 days ago

This is very, very funny. had me laughing at the start. It's the that makes this type of comedy, the little funny bits that add up to a whole - Elvis & George formby arguing over scrabble, holding on the telephone, too many to list. Had a feel of pratchett as well as the obvious Hitchhikers. You've got a knack of making the characters instantly likeable and funny.
I read chap 1 and bits of 13 & 27 to check it was still funny. And it is.
I've read nearly 400 books on this site and I would buy about 6 of them, this is one of them. Obviously backed. I really hope you get this published.
Charlie

Marvel Gumshoe wrote 1548 days ago

This is very good. I read the first chapter and started the second but now I must work. I think the style is probably closer to DNA's that Eoin Colfer's attempt. The timing is great, the dialogue is spot on. I spotted what looked like one punctuation error and one clunky phrase ' Had he had' but otherwise I can see no reason why this wouldn't be snapped up - based on teh first chapter alone. Have you submitted it around the houses?

One thing though, your pitch seems too close to DNA, try to distinguish yourself as you, as a brilliant sci-fi humourist. Drop the mention of the cocktail - it says 'I've copied the Pangalactic Gargle Blaster.'


Well done.
M.

Jed Oliver wrote 1549 days ago

Wonderfully hilarious! I think this should be required reading in some special school for some special kind of people.
The question about WHAT special kind of people is open for discussion. I suspect that anyone who reads it becomes, in a special way, special. I have specially shelved it, so it will be ready when needed. Especially yours, Jedward (Knut)

JupiterGirl wrote 1550 days ago

Hi James, I didn't know quite what I was expecting when I read this. The word, Insectosaurus, makes me shiver. That aside, this irreverent romp of a read is highly amusing and I'm sure will do well! Shelved. JupiterGirl (Twins of the Astral Plane.)

William Holt wrote 1553 days ago

As we say in Texas, this is a hoot! Snappy dialogue, wonderfully absurd descriptions, plenty of action. This has to be a winner.

Shelved--Bill

B. J. Winters wrote 1554 days ago

I decided to start reading your ending - Chapter 35 was interesting - coming into this cold the names added an intriguing touch of humor and it seemed there were still in jokes to share with the reader (whatever floats your boat) as an example to keep this fresh. I did find though that the sentences were a bit wordy. My main recommendation would be to make sure that each and every word is necessary. For example: "Looking through the doorway Ted could see a number of the drones in a similar state; some were sitting...." Can be just as effective as "Ted could see a number of drones sitting...." We already know where he is in relation to the scene, and you tell me what 'similar state is' with the sitting -- so do I need those other words? Just a thought.

Chapter 36 tidies the story up nicely - I liked the return to the music channel scene. A reader should be able to visualize this easily. Best of luck to you.

JD Revene wrote 1554 days ago

James,

The short pitch struck me as not quite working, but then the long version is a tour de force and shows what you were aiming for in the short. Reading on I'm expecting something in the vein of the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Universe.

Love the prologue--or bit at the start if you prefer.

Have you read the Carpe Trade here, By MrESheep? I think you'd like it. It's very funny--and so's this.

Funny names (Li Ping), ridiculous situations described in a dry down to earth manner, and swipes at things that frustrate us all (call waiting). This is wel put together and easy to read.

I've found little to comment on by way of constructive criticism. You seem to have the voice right for this, and that's the key to this sort of thing, I think. Your story meanders but it's well enough told that I don't mind. I keep finding new reasons to smile.

I'm giving this a spin on my shelf.

meemers wrote 1554 days ago

This writing makes it easy to jump in with both feet and stay. It's got the sparkle and humor that we crave in our lives right now.

backed with pleasure
Sue Sohn

Jonathon_LaMella wrote 1554 days ago

A very well written title and pitch. The first chapter introduces the story well and the dialogue flows nicely. Backed.
Jonathon

A.P. Constantin wrote 1555 days ago

Amidst all this formula genre that takes itself so seriously, it is refreshing to see humour for its own sake. The greats of the field (e.g. Douglas Adams) use satire and sarcasm, you chose bafoonery.

Bafoonery can be effective but you have to watch it. Just go over your text and trim the "jollies" and the "bloodies."

Superlative choice of title!

A.P. Constantin

The Crystal Butterfly Club

Rheagan wrote 1555 days ago

Hello James,
I was browsing the sites of some people I respect and having come across the Bibble, I couldn't resist having a look. I loved it! Suited my sense of humour perfectly. Not only is it hilarious, it's also very well written, smooth and quickly engaging. I would happily buy a copy. Good luck with it, I hope it's successful. Backed with enthusiasm.
Rheagan Greene Unwelcome Reflections.
PS If you’d lkie to read mine, great. If it’s not your thing, don’t worry. No problem.

klouholmes wrote 1556 days ago

Hi James, I enjoyed this for the idea that everyday people might have a more important purpose than it seems - and the whimsical way that this is written. Loved Steve making his call to the beyond and being treated like a forgettable entity. And the bumbling in the shop. The dialogue is delectable, Angus' vernacular coming in with comedy. I can see it will take some fancy plotting to make Thelopius realize his important purpose. Well-written! Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)

nboving wrote 1556 days ago

"The Bibble"
How can you possibly not read a bit of a novel that starts "Bugger," said God. I think what really got me though is the absolutely great dialogue: it's bloody funny, and I defy anyone not to want to keep reading once they start.
Which means me. "FORE," he bellowed. I guess he didn't make a hole in one, but I think you may have.

This is on my watch list until I can make room to back, and then I'm going to read a whole lot more.

Nicholas ("The Warlock") - Horro/Thriller

Sam Fallow wrote 1557 days ago

Hi James, I backed this a few days ago and thought you might like my comments.

Love it! I notice Douglas Adams name in your bio and the influence is clear and the connection is worthy of him.
The only glitch I spotted is in Ch3, 'Thelopius looked supervisors back as it walked away. '
Good luck with this,

SF

p.s. I believe in Bob.

Kolro wrote 1557 days ago

Can't believe I've taken so long to get round to reading this. This is tremendous fun that appeals to my love of all things absolutely barking mad. The dialogue here is great. You've mastered the fine art of snappy back-and-forth chatter (my favourite being the whole '...my left...' thing). This is a hilarious piece of work that deserves to do well. Good show old bean.

jamacleod wrote 1557 days ago

I really enjoy this genre of books. Besides being a fan of Douglas Adams, I love Terry Prachett, and his Good Omens book reminds me of The Bibble. This is a great read. backed

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