Acres of Diamonds

Dear Kay,

I wish there was more here to read, as Anna and Lance head off down the river to find their fortune, their share of God’s mother lode seen in the Northern Lights. I’ve got a feeling that, as far as actually finding literal gold, they’re chasing an illusion. Yet the hostile environment of the Yukon may be more hospitable to them than any alternative, and they may be strong and resourceful enough to thrive in it. Now that they are married in both Apache and Christian ceremonies, we might look forward to their starting a family. I’m thinking about the scene in the last chapter, with the Gypsy violins playing outside the tent. Very romantic, and beautifully written. I hesitate to point out any one particular scene, because there are so many good ones, a mother lode of shining nuggets. I wish I had taken more notes, and since I can’t have the full text in front of me, I’ll have to rely mostly on memory.

Up to about ch. 10 is somewhat fuzzy in my memory. As I remember, you established the relationship between two very good, realistic, believable, and sympathetic characters. I particularly like Anna’s reactions when she confronts things she hasn’t seen before, and that long knife she carries, the way she instinctively reaches for it when threatened. The characters of the soldiers and their wives, and also the members of Anna’s family, are portrayed with skill, all very well researched and believable. They are for the most part likable people, but we see their prejudices displayed in subtle ways. As much as I enjoyed reading this story throughout, I have an unclear sense that something is impinging on the story in these early chapters. There are a lot of characters, and I couldn’t keep them all straight. Also, there was a lot of coming and going, and I didn’t have a clear picture of the settings, including the fort and its various living quarters, and Anna’s family home. There were a number of small things that confused me. For instance, I didn’t know whether Anna was going to travel with Lance to visit his parents, or if she was going to stay behind. Rather than reread, I just kept on reading until they set off on their trip. I had to keep going back and rereading things. Perhaps I wanted more sense of where the story was headed, that I didn’t feel it building as much thrust as I wanted, or not enough focus. I’d have to read the first nine chapters again to know for sure, and it may well be that if I read them again, I’d come away with an entirely different impression.

There certainly was enough in the early chapters to engage and hold my interest. Anna’s appealing character, and your talent for description, backed with well researched historical details, carried me along. But then, when Anna and Lance arrived in Los Angeles, I was swept away. The people and scenes they encountered between Los Angeles and the Yukon(?) River are fascinating, especially when seen through Anna’s eyes. She hasn’t seen any of these things before, and her speculative interpretations, her joy and her trepidation, all makes for wonderful reading. I loved the description of the fiesta in LA with its crowd of Mexicans whom Anna feared might be enemies of the Apace, the colors and sounds, the Irishman who ran the café, and the waitress. Then there was the luxury boat trip where they met the showgirls, whom I think from reading your pitch they may meet up with again. Also, I think we have not seen the last of the politician’s family, who perhaps will have a score to settle with Lance. I really don’t think he should have punched the guy. I suppose he was defending Anna’s honor, but I thought Lance was too much of a hothead.

The people and places are so colorful and vibrant, just as Anna sees them. Their room in San Francisco’s Chinatown, above the opium den, mysterious and grungy, yet so homey, is memorable. I hated to see them leave that apartment. If not for the gold rush, they might have stayed a while in the company of Lady Yanmei and MuWu the cat.

The Yukon and Alaskan gold rush was a fascinating historical event, and there’s just so much that could be told about it, but you had to be selective. You captured a good bit of the frenzy, squalor, danger, agony, hope, courage and cowardice, and some of the characters who either died, went crazy, turned back, or persevered.

It was unclear to me what was going on with the Golden Stairs. I’ve seen pictures of the long line of pack-laden people trudging up in the snow, but I it took me a while to figure out what the deal was with the Mounties and why everybody had to go up and down carrying other peoples’ stuff. How far is it they have to climb? How many feet distance and altitude gain? Are they neat steps carved into the ice, and are they the size of regular steps? I wanted a clearer picture, to understand it better. Also, I didn’t understand why everybody was so mad at the guy who shot the bear. All I can think of is that maybe there’s some frontier code that says you’re not supposed to shoot a bear when it’s hibernating, or maybe everybody had already eaten so many fish from when the preacher shot the hole in the ice, and they weren’t hungry for bear meat. Nobody’d had any problem when Anna shot the poor moose. It just didn’t seem fair to me. I’m glad the bear recovered, though.

Anna’s baptism was a fun scene with the preacher shooting a hole in the ice, though I suspect that might not quite work with one bullet against four feet of ice. I’ve done some shooting and also some ice fishing, and I’m skeptical. I’ve never combined the two, so I don’t know for sure, and I want to believe it, because of the characters and the way you’ve written it. Lovely scene. Normally I don't care too much for preachers, but I liked that guy.

So much to like here, and I could go on, but the bottom line is, once I got into the story I couldn’t put it down. I’m left wanting to read on to find out what happens next, and I’m wishing the best for Lance and Anna. Your writing skills are top notch, and you have an affinity for characters and scenes, such that I sense you really like people and places. My best wishes to you and also your story. I’d like to read more, and hope to see it in its published form. I think it might make a good movie.

Kevin

While it's rare I open a piece of historical fiction, I found this to be a well-told, polished story. The writing is phenomenal and without fault. The prose carries the reader along and is never far from Annacara's thoughts, giving us a good sense of who she is early, which is no easy task considering the separation in time and culture. The tension between Lance and Annacara as he watches her is written perfectly, and her thoughts thereafter are genuine and well thought out.

When we shift to Lance's perspective in chapter two, the transition is smooth, and I actually found myself excited to see the conflicting perspectives come into play. A white soldier and a Native American woman placed into close quarters? A possible romance? The possibilities with a story like this are endless. I can't wait to see where this takes us.

Usually I take notes as I read, but I was too caught up in your beautiful writing and the well-weaved story to stop and write anything down. Besides, I didn't find a single thing I would change. This is an outstanding book.

Kaychristina,

I’m finally made it back to revisit Annacara. I was once again swept away into southwest America in the fast changing late nineteenth century where mixed marriages were not quickly accepted. It is authors like you, who make history so very interesting and relevant. Annacara’s story is like dream that I can’t help fear may turn into something less than that.

The first paragraph in chapter nine only serves to build the anxiety in me. You wrote so beautifully, “To Annacara, her own country was becoming a stranger to her, just as she felt she was becoming a stranger to her people.” Then the face to face meeting with the yellow-faced woman seems to widen the chasm and accentuate the changes taking place within Annacara.

I was so relieved when Annacara was finally free from the threatening presence of Nathan Star and the Mexicali whiskey men. When she reached the safety of Fort Hauchuca where her husband was assigned, I was hoping to see a more emotional and joyful reunion. I wanted to see how strong their love for one another was.

But now here they are together at last, traveling to San Francisco. On the way, we experience a lively Mexican fiesta and dance to the tune of a Mexican hat dance. The scene you portray is like a sense-around movie. Amazing. I wish I could give Annacara six more stars. But I’ll keep it on my shelf to the top! I’ll be back to read more.

Dianna Lanser
Nothing But The Blood

Kaychristina,

As an ametuer historian, lover of good writing and author, I love this writing. You possess a unique ability to portray thought in words. The structure of this story is amazing. (Please see my bio page to see I have placed your book on my permanent recommended list)

As KC Hart suggests, the love in your words simply flow. I am apprehensive to simply quote what someone has said but it described perfectly my opinion. I too, was shocked at your depiction of Apache culture and am anxious to learn more.

I felt compeled to fall in love with Annacarra. You've done such a wonderful job in bringing her to literary life, one of the absolute finest ways of having done so that I have personally ever read. My dear, you are a gifted writer and with all due respect, do not need this website or any other to promote your work on its way to publication. You're ready right now. I would not only purchase this book, but put it on every form of media I participate in, buy it in multiple for friends as presents and tell every reader I encounter that it is mandatory reading.

My very best to you and I feel I cannot close without saying, "Thank You."

Sincerely,

Emmett
(E M Delaney)
-THE VIRUS

Coming Soon:
MIRACLE IN THE SWAMP

PS - When I put it up, I would love it, and be quite honored in fact, if you would review MIRACLE IN THE SWAMP. I think YOU will enjoy this story.

There are two types of historical fiction. There is the type that simply takes a setting, say The American Civil War, and crafts a tale set in that era. Something like The Guns of the South would be an example. While sometimes enjoyable, a better type is one where vivid characters are painted out, given real life and then brought through actual historical events. Love in the Time of Cholera is an example. This requires a lot of research by the author, almost as much as when penning a non-fiction story. It’s clear that author KC Fenton has taken the latter approach with Waystation to Prosperity Street, and I couldn’t stop reading it.

The character of Annacarra isn’t a cardboard cutout. She’s a real girl with real concerns, and we as readers can’t help but follow her along and root for her. The dialog is exact and true to period, and the events that Annacarra and the other characters face are real and true. Held up to the light, you would be hard pressed not to believe that Waystation to Prosperity Street is a true story, which makes it a masterpiece of historical fiction.

Of all the novels I've read on Authonomy, and I've gone over many, many of them, Waystation to Prosperity Street is the most deserving for consideration by the desk editors. When published, it will be successful and treat its readers to an engaging story. It could even become a literary classic. It's that good.

John Breeden II
Old Number Seven

I'm not a big fan of historical fiction, but this really is a great read. The story of musically talented Annacara, whose deadly Apache gaze can make people faint (!) and her handsome trooper lover Larne, is one that leaps off the pages and into our hearts. I don't know why, but this reminds me of some of those classic John Ford movies like 'She Wore a Yellow Ribbon' and 'My Darling Clementine'. Such Wild West romances ARE something I am a big fan of, and this is right up there with the best. Six stars, will be reading on.

Joe Kovacs
A Marriage made in Chemical Heaven

p.s. this is edited to a very high standard, dear Kay, I couldn't find one typo. My only suggest, for what it's worth, would be to head up each chapter with a 'title'. Might give the reader a bit of a 'hook' as to what's to come?

So far so good. I'll be reading more.

I only read chapter 1 but thought it very well written with a distictive 'voice'. The sentences are packed with information but it is never difficult to follow the meaning. I very soon wished for a happy outcome for the talented Apache girl but at the same time I feared for her and that gave the story considerable tension. I wish this book sucess and am happy to back it.
David

After three chapters, I'm impressed with the authenticity of your details, at least they seem so to me! You've captured the undercurrents of this particular time in history quite well. The dialogue with all its character differences and nuances flows nicely too. Well done! And I'm still reading!
Jane Catherine - The Celestial Proposal

Hey Kay! Revisiting your work. Still fresh, fun to read. :-)

Hope and pray this note finds you well!
jim

Hi Kay
Your book was recommended to me by Jenny Wren. I'm glad she pointed it out to me as I like historical fiction very much. Your writing flows beautifully there is nothing I could critique at all. Though I wouldn't say I'm a fan of romance it fits in really well with your story and has not put me off at all, far from it. I want to discover if they fall for each other or not, as I didn't read your pitch. I prefer to march right into the story to see what unfolds and to see whether it holds my interest. I'm happy to say it does. So high stars from me and on my WL.
Brian.

Kay, This has to be one of the most enticing premises I have come across, it really does read like the publicity for a movie. I've read four chapters and this is clearly an epic story unfolding before my eyes, very well told indeed. Starting a little over a year after the lady became a lady your back story begins. Highly evocative, your descriptive powers place me firmly in the Old West of those days, certainly, as I would imagine them to be, and against that, a developing attraction, which seems destined to be ill fated. I was impressed with how you concluded the conflict and the prejudices of chapter four, the ending leaving me in no doubt that I want to read more…and I will as soon as I have the time. Well deserving of your high ranking I endorse your story, and star it highly.

Max China
The Sister

Kay,
It's books like yours that remind me why I love historical fiction. For me, there is nothing better than to be transported to a time and a place where people once lived and loved and given a little glimpse into their lives and the world surrounding them. And I really appreciate a strong female MC. Annacara is wonderful. I'm only 7 chapters in and I am really enjoying her story. And I love all the details about her life at the fort. My one complaint is that there wasn't more about the lives and customs of Annacara and her family as they struggled, not only to hide her mother's secret, but continue to maintain their traditional way of life despite the bigotry of their suppressors. But that's just my inner research nerd rearing its bespectacled head. Your story is wonderful and deserves and will be given highest stars. I'll be back to read the rest and will eagerly await the day when it's published. Great work!
Kathy

Superb writing. It felt so crisp, sharp and correct, if that makes sense. It left me not having to work anything out which allowed me to go onto the next paragraph. I would never ever read anything like this until now. If it is written as good as this I wouldnt hesitate to read it. There is a flow to it that I dont see much of as it melts into the words of the story I dont even think about it. I cant stress how good this is. Well done. I loved this so much.
Sean Connolly. British Army on the Rampage. (B.A.O.R) Please consider me for a read or watch list wont you?? Many thanks. Sean

Kay,
You've touched a special place in my heart with your book. It is the place where seeds were sown nearly fifty years ago by James Fenimore Cooper and Louis l'Amour. Stories of Native Americans and stories of the old west.
You quickly create tension in your story by using juxtaposition: the woman on the train vs the begger woman; Annacara and Larne.
Your use of descriptive language is flawless and your book is so well edited that it's almost impossible to find any mistakes.
I hope the remainder of your book is done as well as what you have posted here. I'm placing you on my WL and will move you to my bookshelf in a week or so.
Of course I would appreciate a return read when you have the time.
- David Johnson, "Tucker's Way"

Kay:
I just finished all you have uploaded. I really don't know where to begin. This is a beautiful story and the time you must have spent researching this staggers me. From the beginning to the end you take the reader on a wonderful, emotional adventure. We love your MC from the start and cry with her when she is hurt and laugh with her when she is happy. I learned much from reading this and you take the reader all the way with details and imagery in the settings. The shock when Annie is picked up so to speak and taken into an alien world and the pain of Larnes parents refusal to accept her into the family. She is a brave girl to leave her home and scared I am sure but nothing can keep her from her Larne. Everything is new to her, yet she adapts. I was struck at the constant harshness that never seemed to let up. I was appalled at the scene on the boat and elated when she played the piano.When they get to the "stairs", she is so used to deprivation that she can bear it better than Larne really. I absolutely love the beauty of your writing and the knowledge of the times you share with the reader. Only one typo jumped out at me in chapter nine, I think when Larne is called Lance.(about halfway through the chapter) and he is called Lance in a comment or two. Congratulations on a lovely story. I had already read some of it and gave you six stars and I promise you I will back this soon. A wonderful read!
Shirley Grace

Kay:
This is beautiful writing. The cover is as well and although I have just started reading it I wanted to give you some feedback. I saw few errors and love your descriptions. You have researched well and there is a lot of character to this work. It is obvious where this is going for now but I suspect the plot will throw us some curves. Larne is in awe of Annacara and it promises a great love story. I continue to read.
ShirleyGrace
The Devil's Stepchild

I have come back to this several times, I love your descriptive writing. You have a gift of painting pictures with words. eg. In the last chapter "ribbon string of humanity," when describing the "golden stairs," so sad yet beautifully written. I wish you the very best with your work, high stars and on my watch list, Olive.

Kay, I've read the first three chapters and will come back for more. It is absolutely absorbing and enchanting. You have an ability to bring the reader inside Annacara's head, share her thoughts and what she sees. Your attention to fine detail brings this world alive. I am sure this will make the desk and HC will be mad if they don't snap it up. If they don't want it I can suggest publishers who would read a submission direct from an author. Your careful research has been transformed into living, breathing, rounded characters. Six stars and a shelving soon. Frances K

It's interesting watching the author weave the story and then pull the threads together. Backed.

This is truly well thought out and written book. My brother lives in the Yukon and has told me stories about the gold rush. I could relate to the book with colorful pictures in my mind. Well done. I have given it well deserved rating.
Cheers, Red
Illusions of Comfort

I have read some of your book before and am compelled to read on. It's a fantastic story and set in a time and place that I am very interested in. I think you will do very well with this and it deserves to be in print.

I have read enough to like the writing, admire it. I don't know about the story and hope it is worthy. Personally, I do not care for stories in which people behave stupidly, which must mean humanity has made some progress after all. But passages like-- "if Mrs. Carman melted inside, she did not show it, but an unmistakable twinkle in those steely eyes of hers found him following Judd outside with modest acceptance written on his handsome face" are worth backing. January 2013. (p.s., I don't think sergeants are saluted in any army.)

The Ragged Yellow Ribbon.
By Kay-Christina Fenton.

One of the best written books on this site, compelling from the very start.
A wealth of description pour out from the pages as they are turned…a remarkable book.
You have a great ability to describe scenes with perfection—not easy, but you have a gift in that department, believe me.
Some fantastic characters, Annacara Maria Sera, what a wonderful name only to be looked down upon for being an Apache.
Saying that, Lance Bolster can only see a beautiful woman from where he stands – I’m pleased!
I can see a lovely romance breaking through the racial barriers, but with many pitfalls along the way.
This is a most excellent story, a story that most women will become engrossed in—speaking from a male perspective, why not? Such a beautiful storyline.
For me, it’s a brilliant read, written with great skill and fore thought.
I can well see it going all the way to the book shops given the chance.
I wish you success in your efforts to get published—It won’t be long before someone out there realises that this could well be a top seller, that’s a fact.
I’d like to give more stars but being limited to six—you have them all.
On my shelf for the duration!

Best regards,

Neville. The Secrets of the Forest – Cosmos 501.

You have quite a gift at creating visuals with your words. From the time and place...the characters and relationships....all of it is vivid in my mind. I can see why you're so close to the desk and am tickled to think my six stars will boost ya there quicker!
Linda
Daniel Simmons Journey
and
Children Walking with Jesus

Hi Kay,

Sorry for the belated comments - I've been away in Ireland and have only just got around to reading The Ragged Yello Ribbon, and I must say, it's very impressive. I don't have any doubts that this work will do well.
The relationship between Annacara and Lance is spun superbly. You depict gripping and intimate moments between the couple with great skill and I think you pace the relationship well. It was believable to me. Annacara’s character is a tragic one, and I really felt akin to her. Your description of her and her family, Luz and Ricardo, living on ‘the dampened-dirt floor of their shack’ is wildly vivid. Your descriptions of the animals and country about is beautiful. I love the stark wilderness that contrasts with the mahogany filled rooms of Mrs Carman’s . You can tell you researched the period. I enjoyed the narrative weave as the couple’s journey takes them from the Apache wildnerness to LA and the goldrush – the Mexican fiesta was especially enjoyable. And this continual narrative really kept me hooked. It reminded me of a McCarthy novel at times; this attempt by the characters to find themselves in such a harsh time and landscape.
Your dialogue was very impressive. It’s something I often struggle with at times. It was clear and succint, and read very much like a script. The story would make a great film. There were only a few occasions where I thought the characters said too much. I think some of the dialogue between the Kit and Lance can be trimmed, but that’s just my own opinion.
Though I have a few chapters to go, I still want to read on, and that’s always a good sign. I can tell that you've plotted the scenes well.

One of the best books on here. High stars.

Miles

Wow: Character and scene are impecable. The opening scene builds a unique tension that compels the readers forward and you keep doing that at each chapter level. I am adding you to my zinger list in the forum where we recommend books.

Well done. JK

Dear Kay,

I wish there was more here to read, as Anna and Lance head off down the river to find their fortune, their share of God’s mother lode seen in the Northern Lights. I’ve got a feeling that, as far as actually finding literal gold, they’re chasing an illusion. Yet the hostile environment of the Yukon may be more hospitable to them than any alternative, and they may be strong and resourceful enough to thrive in it. Now that they are married in both Apache and Christian ceremonies, we might look forward to their starting a family. I’m thinking about the scene in the last chapter, with the Gypsy violins playing outside the tent. Very romantic, and beautifully written. I hesitate to point out any one particular scene, because there are so many good ones, a mother lode of shining nuggets. I wish I had taken more notes, and since I can’t have the full text in front of me, I’ll have to rely mostly on memory.

Up to about ch. 10 is somewhat fuzzy in my memory. As I remember, you established the relationship between two very good, realistic, believable, and sympathetic characters. I particularly like Anna’s reactions when she confronts things she hasn’t seen before, and that long knife she carries, the way she instinctively reaches for it when threatened. The characters of the soldiers and their wives, and also the members of Anna’s family, are portrayed with skill, all very well researched and believable. They are for the most part likable people, but we see their prejudices displayed in subtle ways. As much as I enjoyed reading this story throughout, I have an unclear sense that something is impinging on the story in these early chapters. There are a lot of characters, and I couldn’t keep them all straight. Also, there was a lot of coming and going, and I didn’t have a clear picture of the settings, including the fort and its various living quarters, and Anna’s family home. There were a number of small things that confused me. For instance, I didn’t know whether Anna was going to travel with Lance to visit his parents, or if she was going to stay behind. Rather than reread, I just kept on reading until they set off on their trip. I had to keep going back and rereading things. Perhaps I wanted more sense of where the story was headed, that I didn’t feel it building as much thrust as I wanted, or not enough focus. I’d have to read the first nine chapters again to know for sure, and it may well be that if I read them again, I’d come away with an entirely different impression.

There certainly was enough in the early chapters to engage and hold my interest. Anna’s appealing character, and your talent for description, backed with well researched historical details, carried me along. But then, when Anna and Lance arrived in Los Angeles, I was swept away. The people and scenes they encountered between Los Angeles and the Yukon(?) River are fascinating, especially when seen through Anna’s eyes. She hasn’t seen any of these things before, and her speculative interpretations, her joy and her trepidation, all makes for wonderful reading. I loved the description of the fiesta in LA with its crowd of Mexicans whom Anna feared might be enemies of the Apace, the colors and sounds, the Irishman who ran the café, and the waitress. Then there was the luxury boat trip where they met the showgirls, whom I think from reading your pitch they may meet up with again. Also, I think we have not seen the last of the politician’s family, who perhaps will have a score to settle with Lance. I really don’t think he should have punched the guy. I suppose he was defending Anna’s honor, but I thought Lance was too much of a hothead.

The people and places are so colorful and vibrant, just as Anna sees them. Their room in San Francisco’s Chinatown, above the opium den, mysterious and grungy, yet so homey, is memorable. I hated to see them leave that apartment. If not for the gold rush, they might have stayed a while in the company of Lady Yanmei and MuWu the cat.

The Yukon and Alaskan gold rush was a fascinating historical event, and there’s just so much that could be told about it, but you had to be selective. You captured a good bit of the frenzy, squalor, danger, agony, hope, courage and cowardice, and some of the characters who either died, went crazy, turned back, or persevered.

It was unclear to me what was going on with the Golden Stairs. I’ve seen pictures of the long line of pack-laden people trudging up in the snow, but I it took me a while to figure out what the deal was with the Mounties and why everybody had to go up and down carrying other peoples’ stuff. How far is it they have to climb? How many feet distance and altitude gain? Are they neat steps carved into the ice, and are they the size of regular steps? I wanted a clearer picture, to understand it better. Also, I didn’t understand why everybody was so mad at the guy who shot the bear. All I can think of is that maybe there’s some frontier code that says you’re not supposed to shoot a bear when it’s hibernating, or maybe everybody had already eaten so many fish from when the preacher shot the hole in the ice, and they weren’t hungry for bear meat. Nobody’d had any problem when Anna shot the poor moose. It just didn’t seem fair to me. I’m glad the bear recovered, though.

Anna’s baptism was a fun scene with the preacher shooting a hole in the ice, though I suspect that might not quite work with one bullet against four feet of ice. I’ve done some shooting and also some ice fishing, and I’m skeptical. I’ve never combined the two, so I don’t know for sure, and I want to believe it, because of the characters and the way you’ve written it. Lovely scene. Normally I don't care too much for preachers, but I liked that guy.

So much to like here, and I could go on, but the bottom line is, once I got into the story I couldn’t put it down. I’m left wanting to read on to find out what happens next, and I’m wishing the best for Lance and Anna. Your writing skills are top notch, and you have an affinity for characters and scenes, such that I sense you really like people and places. My best wishes to you and also your story. I’d like to read more, and hope to see it in its published form. I think it might make a good movie.

Kevin

Hi Kay,

Annacara and Lance - what a love story. A really charming tale beautifully told and I'm really enjoying it.

Amber Andrews - 'The Lovers'

You do an astonishingly good job of breathing life to both your characters and the era. Right from the start, a piano-prodigy bad girl Apache is such a refreshing image, with multiple dimensions, free from trite stereotyping. You plant the seeds of romance early and patiently, so nothing feels forced. Critique-wise, I'm not seeing anything to pick on at all! Fantastic job! Six stars and eventually shelf space for sure!
Best of luck with this. And if you have any interest in children's literature, please do come take a peek at the Lost Wink.
Thanks,
Tod
http://authonomy.com/books/40646/the-lost-wink/

Your first clause in the opening of your book is the first clause of a song by Sam Cooke. "A Change is Gonna Come." Don't know if that was intentional but of course it stuck in my hand and I couldn't concentrate on the story because I kept singing it. I found it odd that she didn't have that pang when she first saw the yellowed-haired man (which is even odd for her to say as she has lived around, and worked for, white people more than half her life and should know that it's "blond") standing when the dust died down instead of "can't take my eyes off" the second time she saw him.

I think that the writing is good. It has a pretty good flow.

Abby

I added you to my watchlist. I have only had time to read the first 6 paragraphs, but I am already hooked.
JagoBella

This is such a well-written work of historical fiction. And Annacara is a fantastic MC, whom I've come to care about. Proud to display The Ragged Yellow Ribbon on my shelf again. It's quality. My best to you, Kay Christina Fenton.
Best,
Bea

Kaychristina,

You write with great poetry and authority. I would not normally be drawn to such a genre - but your ability to paint scenes is unique. The tension between Lance and the girl is wonderful. Only up to chapter 10 - so please forgive he lack of detailed critique.

Keith
Peppermint

I am honoured to have this book on my shelf for a stint. Excellent.
JBC

RAGGED YELLOW RIBBON
This is an interesting story. You have good characters in both Annacara and Lance. I like the way you show the contrast between the two of them right from the start. I think you’ve captured the milieu of the 1800s well; the dialogue describing Apaches as vicious warriors is well done. The assurance that Annacara lives on the reservation, not the house, was a good way to accent how strong the prejudice against American Indians was at that time. A revealing story both about panning for gold and the Calvary who tried to protect settlers, I’m starring this highly and adding it to my shelf. Wanttobeawriter: Who Killed the President?

Hi Kay, happily rebacking.
so when do I get to make movies with you? :-)
jim

Hello, Kay, I've finally got round to reading your book; sorry for the delay! First off, brilliant opening to chapter one. It sets the scene perfectly and draws the reader straight into Annacara's world. You paint a lovely picture with words and your descriptions and smooth and vivid. Believable characterisation, good dialogue and a great MC.

You mentioned that you are still tweaking the first chapter so before I read on, I'll point out a few nit picks, although they are just my opinion:

Her tutor reveled...
Revealed? Revelled?

It was what she heard an officer say to his daughter...
This line stumped me a little. Should this be, what 'she'd' heard...? Was it a comment about being every inch a grown woman?

She heard the solidiers always saying this place...
This line should be in the past tense. Maybe: she'd often heard the soldiers say that this place...

...as she heard it was often the case.
...as she'd heard was often the case?

I really enjoyed this and could actually see it as a film. You've captured the time period brilliantly and have clearly done your research. I'll keep reading and will comment again if I think I can be of help.

Top stars and a place on my shelf at the next shuffle. All the best, well done.

I've liked this story for over two years. It just doesn't grab the aussies and the brits, I guess, but it is an authentic American story about the frission between natives and Anglos.

It said the first chapter of a book determine sales. You have done enough to get volume off the shelves. Indeed, your opening paragraph pulled me in to the end of the chapter

Wonderfully written as the love songs singing upon your heart strings.
Still think it would make a terrific movie!

jim

One word and that is-Sweeping. This has a majestic feel to it, completely assured voice, and statesman-like authority. Clearly impeccably researched and pitched as authentically as it could be whilst underlaced with narrative charm, tension and oh-my romance. And all starting on St Patrick's Day!
Because the setting is so distracting-in a good way- and immersive you are thoroughly primed for the sweet anticipation of the Indian girl/white soldier tale. The reader can easily trust this writer early on not to fail when handling such a wrought topic.
I can see why it's so high up the rankings.
On WL and 6stars.
Thank you,
John
Dropping Babies

Hi Kay,
a return read. Thanks again for reading mine.
This is utterly beautiful writing, set in an interesting time and place. The tension is built beautifully throughout and you give a good sense of the mores of the day so that we understand what they are letting themselves in for. The premise and pitch are fascinating. The title is perfect.
The army scenes all seem believeable and authentic, we trust your research about the period and place.
I loved it when you used the piano to echo what was happening emotionally to the characters. This is fine sensitive writing.
What are you waiting for? Get the first few chapters edited up and send them out to agents and publishers ASAP. It's fabulous and should be published. I can't see it being rejected. It would be very popular amongst the book group circuit as there is plenty to discuss, it's immensely readable and sounds devastatingly romantic.
6 stars from me and a backing when I next reshuffle.
All the best,
Sharda.

Kay-christina,

It has been too long - but I have returned to read chapter fourteen through nineteen. Like the few lucky prospector’s in your story, I feel I have struck it rich by discovering this priceless chronicle of American history.

Told with such remarkable detail, this story takes the reader on the adventure of a lifetime. Teamed up with a beautiful Native American woman and her handsome Cavalryman, the reader learns of loyalty, sacrifice, and determination - the very essence of what it means to be American. On my shelf once again!

Dianna Lanser
Nothing But The Blood

Hope you're doing well!

jim

This is very striking - a lovely rich tone to your writing and Annacara is very appealing. There were a couple of times I had to re-read sentences and maybe some telling you could cut. Examples would be 'the lady said somewhat unnecessarily' or 'continued an unconcerned Judd' and I wondered if there was a typo in the sentence 'and unsheathed saber' Should it be an?
What you do brilliantly though, for me, is the moment, the immediate connection between Lance and Annacara. That makes me feel like I'm in capable hands and want to read on. Highly starred!
Kate

I came back to read this book again. I checked when it was,1007 days ago, good god. Why did I come to read it again? because it is the best book on authonomy, and it still held me in awe while reading all 19 chapters. I can say no more. 6******

Portraits Of A Small Peasant.

This book is simply stunning.
The scope and its epic nature make it a story one should spend time over and savour.
Real 'Gone with the Wind' stuff.
On my shelf, whenever I can find a spot.
Destined for the desk!

The Ragged Yellow Ribbon
The first chapter engages the reader immediately with direct, simple, language that sets the scene psychologically & socially for Annacara, in first two paragraphs. We know right away what kind of person she is, saves soap, hates boots given by condescending 'officer's lady', with whom she has a painful relationship, works hard of necessity. Then Lance, the other main character, is introduced right away and the coming conflicts and dangers foreshadowed in a few words.

The dialogue between the soldiers, here is a bit stilted, too much information (e.g. re the music and the duty-roster)--could this be suggested or conveyed less baldly, e.g. w. more dialogue? Also, "his eyes met hers" verges on cliché--noticeable because the writing is otherwise quite free of cliché.

In Chapter 2, the dialogue between the soldiers is realistic, and it's a relief to have the likeable Meade introduced. This continues in Chap. 3, where the tension, and impending disaster, is vividly conveyed; the reader almost doesn't want to read on--but has to find out what happens. One concern, wouldn't anyone in the army have known of prejudices against Native Americans and of oppressive army policies against Apache people? Perhaps I missed something explaining Lance's naive approach.

Little nitpicks, maybe a typo or cut-and-paste miss, Luz says something to Annacara, "as Lance approached and seeing his eyes . . ." (who's seeing whose eyes?) did you mean to delete "and" or make two sentences? Also, why is Mrs. Carman waving a saber? Is this meant to be officer Judd?

Otherwise an exciting story, well-told and obviously well-researched.
Anne.

This is one of the first books I read here. I read the entire upload - it is one awesome story.
Liz

this is a good read, with fine detail given to relive a rich part of american history. so much was on the horizon in california during this era. i like the bittersweet tale and how you have built these characters. the long pitch is good, but it is lacking something, maybe a faster pace...a larger than life feeling...you have had a long crawl on authonomy, and you are nearing the finish. i hope you reach the desk soon!
j
what every woman should know

For G.M. Atwater, and anyone who reads her *comment*... Yes, I AM sure about the name *Lance*. Not only was it a name given in the old West - in various forms such as *Larne, Lant (which is my own short-form here), as well as Lance and even Lancelot, but... it was my own Great-great and Great grandfathers' name, thank-you. One was in England, the other two in the States - Union Cavalry officers. This story is of my ancestors.

Kay-Christina Fenton

Just dropping by to give your book a glance in consideration for my WL, and upon reading your pitch, (tantalizing, btw,) one question pops instantly to mind.

Are you sure about using the name "Lance" for a man of the late 1800's?

I've done a lot of genealogy and historical reading, and I've never seen the name used for that time period. I'm of the impression it actually didn't come into use until the 1930's or 1940's. So ... given the marvelous scope of your story, might you reconsider trying a more period-correct name, so as to avoid even this small anachronism? I'd hate to see a fine story tarnished even a little by slipping into an incorrect romantic fancy.

Anyhow, this is simply my reaction and you may of course make of it what you will. :)

Best wishes,

GM Atwater

Just dropping by to give your book a glance in consideration for my WL, and upon reading your pitch, (tantalizing, btw,) one question pops instantly to mind.

Are you sure about using the name "Lance" for a man of the late 1800's?

I've done a lot of genealogy and historical reading, and I've never seen the name used for that time period. I'm of the impression it actually didn't come into use until the 1930's or 1940's. So ... given the marvelous scope of your story, might you reconsider trying a more period-correct name, so as to avoid even this small anachronism? I'd hate to see a fine story tarnished even a little by slipping into an incorrect romantic fancy.

Anyhow, this is simply my reaction and you may of course make of it what you will. :)

Best wishes,

GM Atwater

This is great!

Fascinating, different and very well written. Backed
Lara
A RELATIVE INVASIN