Book Jacket

 

rank 3274
word count 14470
date submitted 24.02.2009
date updated 12.07.2010
genres: Fiction, Thriller, Popular Culture,...
classification: moderate
incomplete

seductive amoebae

andrew foley jones

A dark and biting satire, seductiveamoebae follows psychopathic anti-hero, Thomas Paul, as he embarks on a campaign of natural retribution against a morally defunct society.

 

Set in an anonymous modern day city, Seductive Amoebae follows the demise of Thomas Paul, handsome, wealthy and successful, indulging in the excesses that engulf and suffocate him. Paul’s wife takes part in a pilot study for a new fertility drug. She dies giving birth to a horribly disfigured child. The drug is introduced in a media whirl, despite warnings that it isn’t yet ready for public consumption. Embarking on what he perceives to be a campaign of natural retribution against Filodade and ultimately against society, the paths of Paul, his daughter and the creator of the drug, Edward Mansfield, inadvertently cross and entangle, culminating in a chaotic, violent and disturbing finale.

 
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tags

beauty, billboard, bleak, broadcast, dark, decapitation.tongue, disintergration, fame, hallucinogenic, kaleidoscopic, love, obsessed, parody, psycholo...

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196 comments

 

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Adam Thurstman wrote 666 days ago

Dear How to Fail Supporter,

Here at the How to Fail support team we have been greatly encouraged by the developing lack in failure of our book’s progress, thanks to the ongoing support of all our members. You’re support too has not gone unnoticed. Please let us make you fully aware of our gratitude and thanks for all your kind efforts and everything you have done in continuing to partner with us.

It’s is our hope, dream and wish that soon everyone will be able to know how to fail, in a way that they have never known before; so that others will only be able to look on in awe at what a complete mess they have made of their lives.

Yours faithfully,
The team

A.P. Sweet wrote 1196 days ago

Great first chapter. The bathroom is my favorite place to be and I love taking a long piss. Can't wait to read more.

Jonny Sambuca wrote 1273 days ago

Great title! Well written from the first person perspective. While I haven't read the whole book, I could see it being something that would sit nicely on my bookself. It certainly has appeal - David Cronenberg meets Brett Eston Ellis. Great looking cover btw! All the best with seductive amoebae.
Jonny Sambuca
No Exit ta Bleak City

Lenore wrote 1286 days ago

Of course, it's a male thing, but thoroughly enjoyable, all the same. The wall signs? well, I needed to get into the groove. Once there, thoroughly entertaining. I wonder about the tense in the chapter 1: I AM saying, instead of I say. Chaper 2: way too much gray- that's one thing you learn early in journalism - break it up so you don't lose the readers. Even with the best of prose, readers get tired of going line to line without a break. Stream of consciousness works to a point, but I would mix it up a bit and get down to business. Parker's Spencer likes to ruminate, but he gets the job done. Good luck to you.

Eunice Attwood wrote 1287 days ago

You are a natural wit. Brilliantly constructed book. I may have laready backed you, but what the heck. Eunice - The Temple Dancer.

SPW wrote 1319 days ago

What a great way to start a book! laughed out loud as i read this!
The streams of consciousness are great, bizzare at times - but i like that!
Backed.
Simon.
Yuko Zen is Somewhere Else

Tom B wrote 1326 days ago

I really liked Chapter 1, but with Chapter 2 the stream of consciousness without a break I found difficult to follow. Apparently writing without paragraph breaks is harder to read on a computer.

I'm not really sure where the story starts and you may lose people before you get going but see what other people think before you change anything.

rab14 wrote 1328 days ago

You have a confident style of writing which allows you to take a few liberties with each chapter- a difficult concept but one which you have managed well. Although recognising the fluency of your writing in chapter two I wasn't sure if I liked the format- but that's just me. CHapters 3 and four made up for it though. GOod Luck K.J>

CarolinaAl wrote 1331 days ago

"I hear you may be leaving us young Samuel." Comma after 'us.' When you address someone in dialogue, offset their name or title with commas. There are more cases of this type of problem. Other than that, this is an intriguing thriller with well rounded, complex characters. Vivid imagery. Powerful dialogue. Intense narrative. Clever satire. Brilliant writing. An entertaining read. Backed.

Colin Normanshaw wrote 1336 days ago

This is a really good page turner with excellent irreverent dialogue. The MC is well described and, in spite of his faults and bullish approach, the reader has empathy with him. Backed. Colin

Christian Piatt wrote 1340 days ago

Andrew:
This reminds me in some ways of Huxley's "Brave New World." I wonder if that was an inspiration in any way? Regardless, this is an engrossing and creatively presented concept. You're defying formulaic writing and taking on very timely issues here with a sophisticated mix of emotional qualities.
Best of luck with your book. Backed.
Peace,
Christian Piatt
PULLING THE GOALIE

DMR wrote 1346 days ago

Hypnotic writing and a character that breathes off the page - this is thoroughly interesting stuff, love the comedy rushing through each veiny sentence - well done - Backed !
Diane
Good Blood

Duncan Watt wrote 1347 days ago

Hi Andrew ...

This has great potentential with a good plot and stromg characters that interact well. Dialogue is good and believable. I would suggest you cut the use of 'I am', it becomes intrusive at times: 'I am standing next to him and I am pissing on the pale blue disinfectant cubes'. I would rewrite: 'Standing next to him and pissing on the pale blue disinfecant cubes'. But in any case, contractions can be used in 'first person singular'.

The problem is, publishers like every thing pared to the bone, if they can cut twenty pages from a book they will it makes for more profit. I apologise for my oickiness, Backed. Regards ... Duncan.

John Warren-Anderson wrote 1350 days ago

A truly great begining. Original and right away we know we are in the hands of a rare talent. Good music to urinate to: yes I can agree with that. What is it about Irish pop-singers? One hit and they think they are the Messiah.
This is original and should be promoted to the desk.

richard thurston wrote 1351 days ago

Lovely stuff,great observation that rattles along like the flying scotsman and delivers with wit in abundance. Right up my cubicle and difficult to put down.
Best wishes

Richard

homewriter wrote 1353 days ago

Indeed, what a seductive title. A very fertile imagination has worked on this amazing plot. Brilliant. Backed. Gordon - The Harpist of Madrid

GK Stritch wrote 1356 days ago

Dear Andrew Foley Jones,

Seductive and I am absolutely SEDUCED by Seductive Amoebae. Andrew, scream about this from rooftops. YES, indeed, a morally defunct society.

Publishers are sold books on the pitch alone, yours certainly does that, but the writing is superb.

Backed.

GK Stritch
CBGB Was My High School

delhui wrote 1358 days ago

Dear Andrew --

The sort of formed (with punctuation anyway) stream-of-consciousness you employ in Seductive Amoebae is used fairly well, capturing a culture that is moving so fast it's no longer really connected to itself beyond buzz words and familiar songs and ubiquitous advertisements/messages. Your MC is the mad representative of this disjointed world, and just when we wearied of him, you gave us a corner of his pain: "I am longing for something..." We're guessing from the header numbers that do not correspond to the site's numbering that you've uploaded this nonlinearly, which is slightly disappointing for a reader, but we understand that part of the story's power is the ability to dip in at different points and discover another facet of this man and his world. This is not our usual sort of adventure, but your writing is such that we had to keep reading. BACKED. -- Delhui, The Long Black Veil

philip john wrote 1359 days ago

From the pitches alone a very interesting premise. The book itself is superbly written, with some very vivid passages. We have to wait now to see where it all ends up. I, for one, will be interested to see.

Best wishes Philip John

Eric Laing wrote 1359 days ago

Nothing says madness like munching on urinal cakes. ;)

You do a great job of letting us into this mad man's head. On one side I was thinking, why would there be graffiti on a law firm's bathroom walls...and flies? But just as quickly I'm realizing who the hell knows what the real world is when it comes to this fellow. We truly are seeing things through a psycho's eyes. Hell, the other guy, Samuel, probably isn't even there. You definitely hooked me. I'll be back for more. Very well done. Engaging.

ebeth wrote 1365 days ago

Hi ya, thanks for the nice comment about my Manc book. I just glanced at this and it seems miles better than other stuff I've been begged to read on here.... the very distinct voice of your character reminds me of American Psycho... I don't have much time to spend reading as I am always writing and working but when I get the chance I may have another look!

andrew skaife wrote 1371 days ago

I like this very much, probably one of the best I have read on this site of any genre. Your writing style is certainly distinct and very much unique.

Analysing the toilet wall when he is having a piss screams psycho! The detail that you offer is excellently drawn for this type of narrative.

The inner monologue is written brilliantly; expressing the mania within of a calm interrogation of his environment . It is fantastic.

Sorry to say that chapter two would not load up for me despite a few tries so I moved on to chapter three. The style remained excellent throughout.

I love the solidified rigidity of the narrative.

BACKED easily.

teremoto wrote 1371 days ago

I found this a very enjoyable read taking, actually, very little getting used to as the marathon flood and flow of thoughts, both real and surreal, reasonable and unreasonable, were vividly presented and chewy like a hard hitting Dennis Miller rant not to mention the pitch which is by the way quite an intriguing hook.

A Knight wrote 1373 days ago

Flow of conciousness pieces are hard to do - maintaining clarity is often a challenge, but you seem to have managed it in the chapter which I have read. Surreal and gritty, this is definitely the kind of piece that sticks in the mind, and the unique premise and style alone is worth a backing.

I did notice you're missing commas before direct address "I hear you're leaving us[,] young Samuel." but that's very minor, and can be fixed with ease.

Abi xxx
Relic

Rakhi wrote 1373 days ago

Very intriguing and absolutely different. I admire your guts to follow and be consistent with this very unusual but highly exciting style.
Backed earlier.
Rakhi (Sir William...)

Lisa Scullard wrote 1374 days ago

This premise promises to be a "Falling Down" (movie - Michael Douglas) only with more incentive behind it, and reads like the classic 'American Psycho' (novel).

A killer combination. Hope I have the time to enjoy more than the two chapters I've visited so far.

Best wishes, Lisa (Death And The City)

makeshift-lobotomy wrote 1376 days ago

I love it when writers have the ability to invite their readers into the minds of their MCs and make them feel right at home. This is, in an odd and sort of twisted way, exactly what you're doing here.

Well done sir,
Tay Tay

Wilma1 wrote 1377 days ago

Phew! I stuck with this to chapter 4 and still didnt know what I was reading. Where was the story in the pitch? Chapter 2 was a nighmare to read with no white space for relief. This appers to be list upon list of snippets of thoughs sights and smells which is quite clever. Is this sanity or insanity? I was looking forward to reading this and I'm sure you worked damned hard to produce it but a lot went over my head. Perhaps its my personal confusion as other crits have understood it. I think I'm just dim.
Wilma1
Knowing Liam Riley

Cherry G. wrote 1378 days ago

This is one intense flow of consciousness: Virginia Wolfe seems a ligtweight compared with you!
So your MC feels superior to Samuel because he's wearing soft leather boots and has wider pin stripes on his trousers! He's got a major insecurity problem, hasn't he?
He appears to know the difference between what's happening in his mind and what is happening in reality but I'm not so sure he can always distinguish the two. Those red-letter words "We are all dead" is constantly repeated throughout your chapters and the flies appear too, yet he sees them as part of the outside world.
The Geisha Girl looks anxious when he starts to shout in the restraurant,. She is looking at her watch and eventually leaves.This is one of Thomas' rare interactions with another individual, and her response was anxiery and getting away as quickly as possible..I think that says a lot! . He is getting angrier and angrier and less in control..
In Chapter 3, Thomas is thinking about a visit to his psychiatrist and the discussion of colour. He does seem very aware of colours and he is also obsessed with the number 33. He's also thinking about psychatric hospital and a frightened man, Darius, being locked in a room and clawing at the plaster walls. It's hard to tell, but was this vision from Thomas's own experience in hospital?
He doesn't seem to have any close relationships, though he does think about love, which he associates with loss. He sometimes has "a feeling of euphoric hate" and in Chapter 5, thinks " I am surrounded by scum." and "I despise everything around me." He is somehow holding his job down at this stage, goodness knows how he is doing that. However, he is starting to feel inferior to his colleagues (in contrast to how he felt in Chapter One) He is viciously jealous of the man with softer leather shoes and matching ring and cufflinks. Does this represent his worsening emotional/ mental state or show how he's no longer coping with his work.? Will he act on his violent thoughts soon or will he be able to control them? These are the questions I am thinking of at the end of chapter 10.
You've created a strong, unigue voice for your main character and although it is difficult reading at times and often hard to know what is going on, it is strangely compelling,
But I'm not sure how this fits into the longer pitch. I can see how Thomas could easily go on a rampage, but where is his wife, the new fertility drug, the deformed child or the media campaign? There doesn't appear to be a hint of any of them. yet. Or have I missed the point entirely?
Typos: your speech marks are a little erratic in Chapter one. Your end of dialogue speech marks sometimes jump a line so instead of finishing speech, they are there at the start of a non-dialogue line.
Also, just my opinion, I think you overuse colons in the first chapter. They get everywhere!
Not an easy book to write, but you do it well. I am backing this.
Cherry G.
The Girl From Ithaca

nsllee wrote 1379 days ago

Hi Andrew

I have to be honest - this is not my cup of tea. But I can see that it is well done, for its genre, and I admire your commitment to your vision. Backed.

Nicole (Chosen)

Owen Quinn wrote 1379 days ago

This is bizarre bit brilliant. Your execution is flawless and the central core of the story sound. There's something Douglas Addams and Philip K dick about this . This deserves to go to the top 5

Katinia wrote 1379 days ago

youre book is insane. i can only assume its because youre welsh. its almost painful to read but i love it. the constant streams of conciousness, interspersed with some moments of sanity left me gasping for breath but what really impressed me was your grasp of colour, the colour of the urinal cubes, the colours of the sky, the colours and of other sensations also, the taste of the cocktails, textures, smells, i reckon its the kind of book a brain would write. well done man. well done.
Katie

Kidd1 wrote 1380 days ago

Well done. Your words are smooth as glass as you set up the rise and fall. I will come back to read more later, but in the mean time, Backed.

I hope you will give mine a read and back it if you like it.
Best,
Robert
Golden Conspiracy

carlashmore wrote 1380 days ago

What a great read this is. In some ways it reminded me of American Psycho and the movie 'Falling Down'. However, that is really where the comparisons to other texts stops. This is a fiercely original piece of work and your prose is both incredibly insightful and very accessible. I have never read a chapter almost entirely devoted to urinating. The fact is, this is a very smooth adult read, that by chapters four and five really play with form and structure. Very interesting. Well done.
Carl
The Time Hunters

Innumerate wrote 1382 days ago

My sort of book. will recommend to others
Rick
Some Time Before theMassacre

Innumerate wrote 1382 days ago

My sort of book. will recommend to others
Rick
Some Time Before theMassacre

Silent Storm wrote 1383 days ago

Andrew Foley Jones:

This appears to be satirical in nature. Certainly some would argue that planet earth has gotten itself into a mess; needs someone to help straighten it out; especially in light of our recent oil spill, the plight of global warming, and greed that seems so pervasive in today's society.

Ida L. (Silent Storm)

greeneyes1660 wrote 1383 days ago

Andrew, It is clear that you are a extremely talented writer. This is not my thing but I can appreciate talent when I see it.. I am sure this will o very well in it's genre. Backed.... Patricia aka Columbia Layers of the Heart

Johanna Kern wrote 1384 days ago

A powerful story, and such a fascinating narration!

And a great mirror - of many human lives and minds :)

My highest complements on your superb writing skills!

Backed with pleasure.

Johanna Kern
Master and the Green-Eyed Hope

Jim Darcy wrote 1385 days ago

Chapter 10. The thought patterns of your MC become quite mesemrising and it is almost like we are seeing things in real time. The poetry and vivid imagery is totally engaging and the intrigue keeps the reader guessing. Only problem for me for me is the format. The immense paragraphs mean that, as a shortsighted old bat, I lose my place very easily and then flounder trying to recapture it, thus losing the flow of your tale. Also, I have a tendency to read aloud and that is just not possible with your lengthy sentences. Consider the poor bugger who may have to read this for an audio book! If all the matter in the universe was condensed it would be the size of a sugarcube - apparantly. It is the spaces between things that define them.
Just a few thoughts.
Jim Darcy
The Firelord's Crown

Ben Hardy wrote 1385 days ago

Bubbity recommended this book to me and I have read chapters 1 and 8. Very unusual, in an entirely good way. You have captured the narrator's voice, which is unique and unsettling. You are brave putting this in the present active tense, but it works, and is all the more exciting because of it. This is not a comfortable read, but I suspect you were not aiming for comfortable. There is something hellish about this man's perceptions, and I found myself both thorougly engrossed and wanting to run away. Ben

Scott Foley wrote 1385 days ago

A real head trip, I like your style of narration the randomness and the feeling of superiority in your main character/narrator, the mind games he starts playing. The repetitive use of 'I am' and 'he is' works to a point but I would personally drop a few to avoid them feeling overused and getting in the way of the story flow. As some others spotted a few formatting glitches there with speech marks but that's nothing you can't sort out.

I am happy to back this, and I am giving this a spin on my shelf ;-)

Scott Foley (Warlords of The Dreaming God)

Summer D'Vine wrote 1386 days ago

Seductive Amoebae - I don't know if anyone has said this yet, but you're book is a real trip. "Trampled by some stiletto - a face made up of purple and blue and some yellow. Red petals swirling against a wall: dancing to a beautiful tune played by an orchestra of screams." I've read through ch 4. This story is backed for fantastic prose and a truly psychodelic experience.

All the best,
:-) Summer D'Vine
ps... please pardon all drug references above, I'm not here to offend

Mark Mane wrote 1387 days ago

I have started reading your book. I am excited by the concept. I have backed it after only a single chapter and will read more this evening.

Mark Mane Kidnapped The President's Family and other titles.

Despinas1 wrote 1388 days ago

Andrew your pitch is outstanding, and promises a well written story, a thriller of with an edge. I have backed it with pleasure, and will return with further comments.
All the best of luck
Helen
The Last Dream

klouholmes wrote 1390 days ago

Hi Andrew, Thomas Paul’s character comes out early on, his pleasure in counseling the man who's leaving and his egotism in showing off. The cubes start a technological issue from the synopsis and he seems oblivious of any side effects. The writing is complicated but draws in – a fascinating interior with that obliviousness again of how he’s coming off. An unusually outset with a timely plot. Easily shelved – Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)

KW wrote 1390 days ago

" . . . and doesn't life just, whizz by." It sure does. I loved your first chapter with the pissing and the dissing of a colleague. Good luck before I rip your guts out. "WELL DONE BOYS" and backed for now.

Rusty Bernard wrote 1391 days ago

Hi Andrew,

I have backed your book because I was hooked by the pitch, loved the introduction and read on. I love the "what if?" factor in any story and your book is a fine example of how this can be used to great effect.

How much more I read depends on time and commitment.

Enjoy everything and good luck.

Rusty Bernard
Psychiatric Evaluation

EsmeCarpenter wrote 1391 days ago

This is really great, gripping stuff - random in the greatest sense of random, and funny because it's so true to life the weird thoughts you have when (for example) in the toilet, or at a restaraunt, or even staring out of the window.

And also a little unnerving, in an American Physco kind of way. I like it.

Gritty and wonderful. Well done.

Esme C
'The Summoner'

Mr. Nom de Plume wrote 1391 days ago

One of the best opening paragraphs that I have ever read. Thriller lovers have got a winner with this one. I will wish you good luck, but you really don't need much luck to get this work published. Very good. Chuck--Backed