Taming the Sun

Daniel,

I'm going to have to get my dictionary out to make sure I don't miss out any superlatives. This book is stunning. I am truley staggered.

Apart from absolutely no complaints about the narrative or dialogue so far, the combination of historical fiction and fantastical verse leaves me f****ng breathless, and seething with jealousy. This is going on my shelf without a seconds delay. I'm now going to break open the cider and settle down to a good, superbly written novel. Thanks for this, truely. This is no 'swap' arse-licking, just a beta-male bowing down before an epic writer. This book deserves SO much more attention. And if you don't mind, I'm going to plug in on the forum:

http://www.authonomy.com/Forum/posts.aspx?forumId=4&threadId=23506&pageNumber=1&forum=true#AnchorPostId506888

Brilliant,
Martin.
(My House on the Fjord)

Hi Daniel.

I studied Egyptian art in undergraduate school and have visited Egypt two times. Your first chapter is extremely helpful in allowing one to grasp the complex relationships amoung some of the gods. An excellent set up for the events to come, including the protagonist's considerable thoughts regarding death and the shift of powers expected which could leave the protagonist and his brother vulnerable. As with the culture, you allow the Egyptian artwork and history to create an enormous impression on your characters. You give the bleak opportunity to change one's social status and the significant responsibility of holding a title. I love how the setting constantly plays in the protagonist's mind, constantly influencing his thoughts. Great scare scene in chapter 2, when your protagonist wanders until discovering a statue of his mother, contemplating the inevitable circumstance that one day he will merely exist as a stutue, only to be attacked by whom is supposedly an ally to his father. Excellent forewarning when his brother asks the protagonsit to never leave him. You effectively established which of the two is stronger and that he will leave.

On my shelf. Good luck

Janet Marie - Spirit Prisoners.

First chance I've had in weeks to return to your book. Chapter 5 maintains the high level of your writing and its power grips the reader. Here is a book that deserves to be on every library's shelves

I don't normally read the Ancient Egyptian stories, afraid of finding something within them that counters my own researched knowledge of Egypt and its myths and legends (thereby forcing me to put the book down), but I couldn't help myself in reading this, the pitch sounded so good.

I thoroughly enjoyed this story so far. Each chapter is well-researched, the world of Ancient Egypt brought to life in vivid detail. I enjoy reading it for the history behind the story, for the details of the myths. However, the storyline draws you forward, the characters welcome you in, just as much as the history provides a well-padded background to them.

I take great pleasure in adding this to my bookshelf. Well done!
~Holly

Well written and engrossing.
Shelved wuth enthusiasm mikegilli The Free

This has a poetic feel to it, which I felt lent toward to the emotion and vibe of the story as a whole. It is sad to hear of the children in your story, but this is the kind of thing that "hooks" me as a reader. This kind of blanket judgment being passed. A pleasure to back this. You not only have an intriguing story but it seems already you have a theme to be enjoyed on many levels.

xBeccaX
The Forever Girl

Daniel,

I love your book. Beautifully written. I think your book deserves to be pushed up the rankings again. It's hard this writing business, but you've a gem here. Keep going.
I'm new to the site, so I wanted to let you know I'm backing your book.

Karen (Oi Oi Saveloy)

Hi Daniel, I really enjoyed three chapters and I can tell that this work is very well researched. Great voice and excellent narrative and dialogue.
Backed with best wishes, Barry
Little Krisna and the Bihar Boys

TAMING THE SUN:

From the moment I read the first paragraph I knew this was a book for me. Such competent writing, I couldn't find a thing to change, in fact at times I felt like I was writing it myself so comfortable was I with it. I really wish you well with this. Deservedly backed.]

J&M Jensen
(Graemor)

Nice. I fell into your book and stayed there. Enjoyable read, with good characterisation and tightly written - fluid prose that carry one along nicely. In the end, I got pretty into it. No grammer king, so cannot give any advice on punctuation, spelling etc. (I'm atrocious), but from where I am standing I am impressed. Happy to back this.

BACKED

I love the first person voice you use here. It draws one right into the setting and then helps us experience the marvelous research you have put into this. This is beautifully written without being overly so. I have no trouble backing it and would love to have it in my library. I love Wilbur Smith and this somewhat reminds me of his Egyptian books.

Betty K "The Huguenot's Destiny"

This is absolutely beautiful. Don't change a thing. An interweaving tale of Gods and the people who worship them... just the kind of story I adore written with a deft hand. You should be very proud of this achievement and I sincerely hope this is one of those books that makes it all the way to the Editor's desk and beyond. Best of luck. L.x

Hello Daniel,

You have a well-crafted story on a very interesting premise that is intuitively observed. It is a very enjoyable read with a brilliant plot and memorable characters.Rightly shelved.

All the best.
Janvier (Flash of the Sun)

Edited: Chapter 15, "Enlil's Decision." I'm going to cut Merika's sickness as it slows down the story at this point. It doesn't feature largely in this chapter, but I cut the first paragraph and a few lines that just weren't needed.

Edited: Chapter 20, "The Sun and the Moon" has been added.

Lovely writing, Daniel - a slow start, but one that draws us in with the rhythm of your prose, lulling us into the slower patterns of a simpler world. The style suits the subject matter perfectly :)

One tiny niggle in the opening scene is that there are maybe a few too many commas. The second sentence in paragraph two in particular seems a little too choppy and broken up. Tricky to fix without spoiling the rhythm, but worth some work to make these key opening paragraphs as good as they can possibly be.

Oh, and "it's perfume" should be "its perfume" - but maybe someone has called you out on this one already!

Best of luck with the book. Shelved!

Edited: Chapter 19, "Good and Evil" has been added.

Daniel
HI there. Got roun to reading some of your book. I should say that I do like historical fiction in this era. The pitch and synopsis promised a sage and the book is clearly unfolding that was in to an epic.
The writing is beautiful and poetic and clearly well researched. Edittinga nd grammar is good.

Now my one comment comes from my own experience with my book that there was a certain number of perople who felt that the semi poetic back ground and mythology I had starting it slowed the begining of the story down. I am a little concerned that this might be the case in your book. The other comments are so supportive that I wonder if it is more a flaw in me - ie that I want to get into the story, find out about the characters etc. I felt there was quite a bit of background stuff going on which is great and shows you know your world. I just know that some readers hate slow starts.

I dont say this to have a go at anything but just to maybe give a alternative view that MIGHT be of help. Maybe a lot of the stuff about the background might be fed in over time. This is the comments I too ahve had and I am busy editing mine (stil need a bit more. )

Because the writing is so good and beautiful at times I am happy to back it

Hi Daniel, The more I read, the more absorbed I became. The language evoked Egypt for me and there were touches in the right places, the kilts, leather and linen, the hibiscus plant, the harem info, the leopard skins and their reasons. I liked the repetition of the musk of the desert. Having read Egyptian mythology, I went for this at the first because the boy and priest discussion about the battle of the sun made that more clear to me. I wasn’t sure why you used the other names for Horus, Set, and Osiris – Asir etc. That confused at first because of your synopsis. The story - now that really mounted, the prince problem and the servants all around, the freeing of the condemned girl. I read through Chapter 6 and would like to read more. You’ve got this down and your narration flows better than criticism. On the shelf – Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)

Edited: Chapter 18, "A Sunrise in the West," has been added.

Lovely beginning. That's what you want to feel when you are in such a mystical and enchanting world as ancient egypt. You want to feel the elements and the atmosphere of the dunes and the great cities nestled within them. It immediately sets the tone for the book, filling you in on the background but also getting you into the flow of the story.

I like your style of writing, it is very creative and expressive. I am impressed. Well done.

It will go on my bookshelf.

Great sense of place here, Daniel. Influences everything that's on the page. You achieve depth, quality, as well as realism: this seems natural - believable and from life, despite its extraordinary nature. Gripping, edgy, in the moment. You had me early on, and you kept me engaged throughput. Quite an achievement with me, being of the itchy arse persuasion!

Beautifully written, Daniel. Lyrical, even, again, the strong sense of place makes this a must.

Great stuff. Deserves sucess. On my shelf, and hopefully ion more visible ones too ... Foyles? Borders? Would be nice, huh?

James

Great sensory detail and evocative writing - hope to read more and comment more fully. Have shelved the book - Bek

Daniel,

I'm going to have to get my dictionary out to make sure I don't miss out any superlatives. This book is stunning. I am truley staggered.

Apart from absolutely no complaints about the narrative or dialogue so far, the combination of historical fiction and fantastical verse leaves me f****ng breathless, and seething with jealousy. This is going on my shelf without a seconds delay. I'm now going to break open the cider and settle down to a good, superbly written novel. Thanks for this, truely. This is no 'swap' arse-licking, just a beta-male bowing down before an epic writer. This book deserves SO much more attention. And if you don't mind, I'm going to plug in on the forum:

http://www.authonomy.com/Forum/posts.aspx?forumId=4&threadId=23506&pageNumber=1&forum=true#AnchorPostId506888

Brilliant,
Martin.
(My House on the Fjord)

I think you’ve hit exactly the right note in this novel. There’s a big market for ancient-historical novels, and the market for ancient Egypt novels is a significant sub-category of that. The key, of course, is not just to know your history – that’s indispensable – but to know it so well you actually breathe it out as effortlessly as if you were telling a story about a group of your own contemporaries. You possess this qualification. From the worship of the Sun-god Ra, to the notion of Kemet, to the two rivals Sutekh and Heru, and beyond, this is an education as well as a good read. And of course that’s what your readers will be looking for. You have a strong narrative voice, and, as I’ve said already, you entertain as effectively as you inform. Bookshelved.

I have now read your first 5. I found 4 & 5 most interesting in that things haven't changed much. We still punish the innocent to appease the guilty.
Regretably I am focused on preparing my seminar and kept looking for info on Isis and Osiris, whom I believe were real and later diefied because of the power of their great love, much like Saints are cannonized. Also, in reading "Transcendent Sex" by Dr. Jenny Wade, I learned one of the manifestations of trancendence is when heads and faces of other people and animals appear on the head of one's lover. It is called "tresspaso". Lights came on. This is a possible source of the animal headed, human figures of ancient Egypt!

Edited: Chapter 17, "The Annunaki," has been added.

Edited: Chapter 16, "Alliances and Nightmares" has been added.

Edited: Chapter 15, "Enlil's Decision" has been uploaded.

A note to the reader..... Chapter 14 has some material missing (I was originally going to put it in number 15, but have decided it will work better in the chapter before); hence, there is currently a chunk of the story between 14 and 15 missing. Sorry. But yay for you if you've read that far!

This deserves every support. It is well written, structured and researched. I am a sucker for Ancient Egypt tales and this doesn't disappoint. Can smell the desert, can feel the antiquity.

Every success, Daniel. This should be in print.

Shelved
Elaina
Gathering of Rain

Edited: Chapter 14, "The Shepherd Kings," has been added.

The "millions of years" is taken from the Book of the Dead and various other bits of religious literature that refer to the time when Osiris was king, shortly after creation. The Egyptian word for "millions" was "hehu."

Delightful & captivating. read first 2 chapters. Provides insight into how ancient egyptians saw the world and felt. small comment.. at one point it's stated that the common folk made an observation involving "millions of years".. it's very doubtful that any ancient egyptians had an idea of a figure as large as a million. Already some foreboding in chapter 2. good luck.

Edited: Chapter 13, "The Desert," has been added.

Hi Daniel.
I was impressed by the polish on this and the very distinctive, immediate voice of your narrative. Chapter one was extremely smooth, the imagery clear and exotic. Djedra's POV was immaculate, your writing talent undeniable. My only slight criticism would be your overuse of punctuation. I think a judicious pruning of commas and semi-colons would benefit the ms, as would some slight re-structuring of overlong sentences.
I loved the quote at the beginning of chapter one, it struck a resonant chord with me. I also liked 'soil is her muscle', a terrific line!
I only saw a couple of nitpicks:
'of killing one of his own kind..' *that* of? Or simply, 'killing'.
'befitting of my rank..' cut *of*.
'my father's o entourage..' cut the rogue *o*.
I have no hesitation in shelving this, Daniel, it deserves to be much higher up the rankings.
I hope you still have KING'S ENVOY on your WL, I know it's been a while since we agreed to swap. I'd love to get your opinion.
All the best,
Cas.

You really seem to know your stuff about Egypt, which comes across and makes the story more convincing. I fantasized about being an archaeologist as a kid, so this is fun to read. Djedra shares his surroundings and feelings with the reader poetically and creates a vivid visual. Very well written. I'm enjoying myself with this one. Thanks
Elizabeth

Edited: Chapter 12, "Asir," has been added.

Hi Daniel, what a book, this is extremely well written. I saw a few little typos, that are easily repaired, but the story is gripping. I love both of the brothers for different reasons. My fear is that we'll end up on the desk at the same time. There is so much history here that the six years my book covers has no chance against such an epic tale as this. Good luck just the same. A wonderfuly written story, keep up the good work and write for your life. Kennesaw

Edited: Chapter 11, "A Reunion and a Journey" has been added.

Hi Daniel.

I studied Egyptian art in undergraduate school and have visited Egypt two times. Your first chapter is extremely helpful in allowing one to grasp the complex relationships amoung some of the gods. An excellent set up for the events to come, including the protagonist's considerable thoughts regarding death and the shift of powers expected which could leave the protagonist and his brother vulnerable. As with the culture, you allow the Egyptian artwork and history to create an enormous impression on your characters. You give the bleak opportunity to change one's social status and the significant responsibility of holding a title. I love how the setting constantly plays in the protagonist's mind, constantly influencing his thoughts. Great scare scene in chapter 2, when your protagonist wanders until discovering a statue of his mother, contemplating the inevitable circumstance that one day he will merely exist as a stutue, only to be attacked by whom is supposedly an ally to his father. Excellent forewarning when his brother asks the protagonsit to never leave him. You effectively established which of the two is stronger and that he will leave.

On my shelf. Good luck

Janet Marie - Spirit Prisoners.

I've read the first three chapters

Lovely prose and a compelling story.

Like others, this is not my genre, but it's so well written I could easily see spending a weekend taking in this lovely novel.

Best of luck: it certainly deserves a wider audience.

Tim Woods

Very interesting. You really involve yourself with the times, the culture and the people. And you mix mythology and practicality with story very well.
Kudos.

I believe I can honestly say I've seen very few ancient historical stories that are this finely crafted. The reader is steeped in the sounds, smells, sights and feelings of the period and culture about which you are writing, yet the characters are still so real that you can't help but feel like you're walking with them across the sands of Egypt. My only criticism is that your prose does become somewhat stiff at times, but this also may be what you were intending in the first place. Overall, I love this story and these characters. You've done a masterful job.

First chance I've had in weeks to return to your book. Chapter 5 maintains the high level of your writing and its power grips the reader. Here is a book that deserves to be on every library's shelves

Edited: Chapter 10, "Sutekh's Son" has been added.

Edited: Chapter 9, "Merika," has been added.

Response from the author:

I have tried rewriting sections of this book with a sparser writing style and have made the decision to keep it as it is. My feeling is that, by cutting out the description, it loses a lot of the poetry and a lot of what makes it the book that it is.

I don't spellcheck as I write. The large number of Ancient Egyptian words and names caused Microsoft Word (with spellcheck active) to light up like a Christmas tree, so I turned it off. I will be going through these chapters rigorously to take out the typos that people have noticed so far. Many thanks for bringing them to light.

A final word re the use of the phrase "Oh God." I've been sure to have the characters use both "Oh God" and "Oh gods." It is not a slip into the invocation of a monotheistic Christian deity! The Egyptians themselves frequently wrote hymns and prayers to a single "God" and used "god" in the singular in a lot of their literature. The jury is out as to whether they were referring to a single chief-deity whom they thought out-ranked all others and could thus be addressed in the singular or whether they were "hedging their bets" by not specifying which "god" they were referring to, so that any deity sympathetic to their cause could be invoked. Assume my characters are doing the same!

Hello Daniel

I really loved this! I'm a massive Egyptology, mythology and especially Horus fan and this did't disappoint. You've even got the style spot on - wondrous yet cautiously pacey, a kind of distant story telling appropriate to something out of legends.

It's beautifully written and intriguing. Utterly magical.

Good luck with this!

Billie (A Matter of Life and Death)
XX

A great read! Each chapter draws you into the next. Chapter 8 left me wanting more. The writing is outstanding I would recommend this book to any age.

I don't normally read the Ancient Egyptian stories, afraid of finding something within them that counters my own researched knowledge of Egypt and its myths and legends (thereby forcing me to put the book down), but I couldn't help myself in reading this, the pitch sounded so good.

I thoroughly enjoyed this story so far. Each chapter is well-researched, the world of Ancient Egypt brought to life in vivid detail. I enjoy reading it for the history behind the story, for the details of the myths. However, the storyline draws you forward, the characters welcome you in, just as much as the history provides a well-padded background to them.

I take great pleasure in adding this to my bookshelf. Well done!
~Holly

This isn't usually my type of genre, but based on others comments... I had to see what it's all about! I agree with what is said below.. all of it! Your first paragraphs are flawless and pull the reader right it, Egyptology lover or not! It made me curious and want to read more. Excellent writing and passion you have here.

This isn't usually my type of genre, but based on others comments... I had to see what it's all about! I agree with what is said below.. all of it! Your first paragraphs are flawless and pull the reader right it, Egyptology lover or not! It made me curious and want to read more. Excellent writing and passion you have here.

I'm adding this to my shelf. Your writing is elegant and confident. It's a bit stoic for my taste, but it's so well-written and the concept hooked me right away. Good luck!

I want to see both of your books in print. It's really frustrating to not be able to curl up with a book in my hand. The last two printed books I read were such a disappointment - but these are pure joy!

In chapter 3, para 7, you use the word Usualyy...do you mean usually?

I'm really enjoying this. I can't wait to read your other book too - I'm so torn between the two!!!

This book is one of the first I had placed in my watch list upon joining. I love historical fiction and this is so far living up to what I had expected. Only a few chapters in so far and will be back for more. All the best, Eric