Coming up (until tomorrow part 3)

My favorite parts were where someone changed the Welcome sign and the comparsion of a woman to death. It teases you. Great. Wow, fifteen-year-old kids involved in organized crime. Damn kids these days. Ha. Intriguing premise and smooth prose.

strong plot, fast-paced, no-nonsense characters with depth

themes which overarch into all the seamy aspects of modern life

language which evokes scotland and the people caught within their fates, murders, Apocalypse

shelved for ambitious vision, strong unfancy language, a powerful read.

i am backing this now and wish you well with it.

freddie

("honour")

Hi David! The strengths of your wiring are the sense of place and the dialogue. It's nice to read a book that takes place somewhere rather than in some generic, no-name setting. Well done! Reading a book taking place in Scotland is a treat. Also, your dialogue, although difficult at times for me since I don't often hear/read Scottish accents, really gives the story authenticity. I could hear your characters speak as I read. My only quibbles involve the para about the man watching teh train. Is the man Psyke? It was confusing to me. Also, the text from the news report was strange. Wouldn't it be more "active" if it was a videotape of the report and the visuals could be described? Also, there are some mighty long paragraphs that could be broken up a bit into smaller, more readable bits. All in all, this is an interesting book that deserves to rise higher in the rankings. Good luck with this and your writing.

Michael
The Last Coming Out Story

David,
You've got a conflict going, a gritty real life drama happening here that's just about the same location and 1600 years later than the story in my own book. Things don't change much, do they? We're still fighting, and still fighting to stop the fighting. Just the names and reasons are just a bit different. Good story with a hard edge to it.
Shelved.
Jeff

I enjoyed this, although I do think you need to take another look at your pitch (bloody pitches: I’ve looked at mine five or six times since coming on Authonomy).

The trouble with pitches is that we write our novels then we go to upload them onto the website and we’re faced with this quite arbitrary demand for a 200 word pitch. So we just type in whatever comes to mind. I know I did. Anyway, yours needs a few more commas, and maybe a full-stop or two. For example,

“Set in the Highlands of Scotland where everyone knows everyone else and following a brutal gangwar Seamus and his Crew overthrow the local criminal boss to put an end to the bloodshed, now they are heroes and the new power in town.”

Might be better as:

“Set in the Highlands of Scotland, where everyone knows everyone else, and following a brutal gang war, Seamus and his Crew overthrow the local criminal boss to put an end to the bloodshed. Now they are heroes and the new power in town.”

But as so often the case where I found the pitch off-putting, I liked the novel itself.

“The only thing worse than that are the American businessmen (Nearly all of whom it seemed were salesmen) tracing their roots and loudly proclaiming that they too were ‘Scotch’. Arseholes! Wandering around in their kilts and Tam O’ Shanters. They see this as Utopia, whereas most of the ‘gen-u-ine Scotch’ people want the fuck out of this Utopia.”

Hey, easy, cool it, buddy!

Now this is the first time I’ve ever said this on the basis of a single paragraph, but: bookshelved.

Bren Verrill
The Weird Problem of Good.

Thank you. I think it is very flattering. I've been afraid to let anyone read it for awhile. I am glad it has awoken senses. That means it has done more than i could wish.

thank you.

take care.

David.

This is so very well written, awakening the senses on all levels. It really is that good and that is not flattery, it is the truth.

I wish you all the best.

Wow. Thank you. I do random well. As for excelling I don't think so. I probably am not cut out to be a writer to be honest. I have never rewritten anything and i know that is a bad thing. My other book is better but is unfinished and although this is one personal (if my family read it i would be disowned) the other is more so. I think the town that it is based upon is what makes the novel. I hate the place like only someone who calls it home can. :-S
If you liked it then that is all that matters and that makes it all worthwhile.

thank you for making it worthwhile.

David.

I love this (with a name like Morag it doesn't take a genius to figure that one out). It's got irony, drama. love, underlining despair, your descriptions are magnificent. The accents perfect. I laughed out loud at SCOTCH (yeah!) I like the fear, you do it well yet intersperse it with random snippets. Happy Sigh. Do you excel this well at everything you do? Shelved.

Poppet

Hi David,
I have put your book on my shelf ;-)
I have a lot of Scot in me so this appealed immediately. This is a compelling read, touching on a very important subject. Your descriptions are vivid, you have created a gritty atmosphere with what I feel is a sense of paranoia in your MC as he sees everyone as an enemy. He is a complex character, very fitting for the nature of your story. This is pacy and, well, quite scary in some ways as you show the extent to which humanity will go. A very good read, took me to a whole other place, good luck with it.
Bests,
AnnabelleP
(Adelaide Short)