Book Jacket

 

rank  Editors Pick
word count 29727
date submitted 02.04.2009
date updated 23.01.2012
genres: Fiction, Literary Fiction, Popular ...
classification: universal
incomplete

A Calculated Embellishment

Bradley Wind

Abel Velasco counts the number of times his aunt hits him. Abel counts many things. He can’t help it – he’s a savant.

 

It is 1982. Abel has left foster care to live with his newly found cousin and abusive aunt. His typical teenage struggles are compounded by the complication of his savant talents.
Searching for a challenge, Abel becomes obsessed with the mysterious architecture of an abandoned mansion and strangely numbered bible, launching his journey from suburban New Jersey to Berkeley, California and beyond.

Dr. Darold A. Treffert, author of "Extraordinary People," consultant for the movie "Rainman" and expert on savant syndrome wrote to me: "Savant syndrome typically is present from birth as a part of some developmental disorder, including autism. But there are also cases of what I call "acquired savant" syndrome following head injury. The Acquired Savant raises interesting questions about the little Rain Man that might reside, perhaps, within us all."

A CALCULATED EMBELLISHMENT is a story of developing genius.

The Novel is complete [114K words]
First 6 chapters on Authonomy


Thanks for helping me make the desk with this!

 
rate the book

to rate this book please Register or Login

 

tags

1980s, bible code, descartes, philosophy, savant

on 153 watchlists

635 comments

 

Text Size

Text Colour

Chapters

7

report abuse

Chapter SEVEN

Records broken and spun

 

 

Mister Scratch had found some paper plates in the trash to rip up and they'd migrated to the side of our yard. Pigpie might consider them as still being in Mr. Sutkin's yard but I couldn’t chance it so I cleaned the shredded bits before I left. I pulverized an aluminum can, many dried leaves, and a Baby Ruth wrapper into the sidewalk as the liquid crystal seconds of my watch demanded more speed. They spat 3:52:07 p.m. at me when I passed under the Flynn’s Garage sign. Twelve minutes seven seconds late. I tapped crossly at the face of my watch.

Hank was polishing a shiny new vending machine in the front office. The gold knobs and silver trim gleamed.

"Juke, just in time, just in time. Com’ere. Won’t take you but a second, not even, but count ‘em. Four kinds." He tapped on each area of the glass in front of the peppermint, spearmint, cinnamon and fruit flavored Chiclets boxes. After popping some change in the slot, he pulled the plastic knob which sent a box of the peppermint shooting down to the dark retrieval area.

"Easy as that." Hank shook the box at me with a grin ready to chew. He took a couple for himself then handed me the box. "That’s a gift and don’t worry it's not coming out of your pay." I preferred fruit flavored but didn’t mention it.

He polished the knob he’d just pulled.

"Won’t have to go back to that Horace racist Inky Davis’s anymore now, will I? You couldn’t pay me to step in there and I don’t even like pool," Hank announced to the machine, giving the window a little extra polish before he tucked away his rag.

I remember on my second day in town, Pigpie showed me places she hadn’t been since she left for Washington. Inky’s, she explained, would be a treat. As we climbed the steps into the old brick building, she told me how Inky's had been around forever and that she spent many hours there when she was Shelly’s age. The place had a grand glass display case in front, loaded much like the candy store in the Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory movie shown on TV around Easter.

I stood at the section of the glass where packs of trading cards were stacked in boxes and listened to the other kids ordering penny candy while Pigpie talked with some of the men playing pool. Before we left, she came over and said hello to yellowing-teeth, yellowing-undershirt, yellowing-from-nicotine-fingertips Inky. Probably more for Inky than for me she offered to buy me something. As they smoked and chatted while I made my decision, I overheard Inky ask Pigpie if she could still "whoop like Betty boop." I looked up just in time to see Pigpie blush and comment on how those days were ancient history then gesture in my direction. Inky continued anyway about some guy named Bill who used to really make her whoop, how sad it was he gave Pigpie the heave-ho and about how no one would touch her after that. Pigpie changed the topic by reminiscing how Inky served her candy when she was my age and nudged me to hurry up. Inky chuckled and lecherously said he still could.

His character rather sickened me but Inky's candy selection was beyond reproach. BB Bats, Saf-T-Pops, Rootbeer Barrels, Licorice Pipes, Caramel Creams, Big League Chew, Abba Zabas, Bubble Tape, Jelly Bellies, Starburst, Whistle Pops, Ring Pops, Spree Rolls, Red Licorice laces, Swedish fish, Tangy Taffy, Cherryheads, Lemonheads, Dots, Blo Pops, Mamba Bars, Razzles, Black Taffys, Hubba Bubba, Bubblicious, BubbleYum, Freshen Up spearmint gum, Hot Dog gum, Beemans Gum, Mary Janes, Lifesavers, Nerds, Candy lipstick, Bazooka Joe, Atomic Fireballs, Sugar Daddies, Charleston Chews, Boston Baked Beans, Sugarbabies, Bottle caps, Candy Cigarettes, Candy Necklaces, Chick-o-sticks, Wax lips, Fun Dip, Gobstoppers, Now & Laters, Pixy sticks, Smarties giant, Zero bars, Bit-o-honey, Dubble Bubble, Tootsie rolls, spearmint leaves, and gumdrops, but I’m sure he added and others I never saw.

The choice was torturous and although I really wanted a pack of Star Wars cards I decided not to be too greedy and instead chose what some of the others had. I politely requested ten of the “niggerbabies,” which were little sugar coated black licorice men with top hats. Inky chuckled at me and started to bag them, but Pigpie slapped me hard on the ear and dragged me out of the place while the men by the pool table laughed. I barely knew her at that point but learned most of what I needed to know by the end of that day. On the street, she yelled about my embarrassing choice of words. Something did feel wrong when I said it. I knew that one shouldn't use ‘nigger’ regularly but I assumed that when used in reference to candy it meant something else and was not derogatory. I’d heard people call other people "motherfuckers" but I’d also heard people say, "That’s fucking great" and they meant it as "That's really good." Plus, yellow Inky, who was a white man, didn’t chuckle or seem shocked when the other boys ordered them using the term. I wondered now if Inky had a special name for Chiclets too.

As Hank turned to me, I became filled with the desire for him to be my real father. If my real father could be anything like Hank, and he found me one day and bought me a box of Chiclets, well, that'd be something nice.

Mom and Uncle Evert never talked about my biological father. It was an off-limits topic and I gave up asking by the time I was six. When the foster system located information on my dad's sister, my aunt Pigpie, it was such a shock. Hank was probably better than my real father anyway.

As a smart marketing ploy, Hank made a sign that read: "Have a treat while you wait" with an arrow pointing to the machine and placed it on the counter where people paid for services. Yelling came from the apartment upstairs but I tried to ignore it. Hank led me to the plethora of boxed nuts and bolts. He said he sold some, but I had a hard time believing the market was that hot for the excessive stock stored along the far wall. At least nine new boxes rested among the multitude of rows since the last time I counted.

Will’s record player sat on the workbench, down from their apartment, along with a couple of crates of albums. The eighth track of Stevie Wonder’s Music of My Mind repeatedly asked why I keep on running from his love.

"This album is great from rim to hole, right?" The song was one of Will’s favorites - a member of the large group he used to avoid working. Hank liked it a great deal as well.

"Oh hey, that’s right. What year was this put out again?" he asked feigning ignorance and lit a Pall Mall.

"1972, and- and seven months later the same year he put out Talking Book, which is known by you but not by Will to be a far superior album. Superstition went to number one on the charts."

"Damn straight it’s superior. ‘Superstition’, ‘Blame It On The Sun’. Can’t beat em," Hank stopped to listen and took a long drag off his cigarette. "I’ll get you a soda but you can go ahead." He waved at the boxes. "Will should be right back if Mi hasn’t killed him."

Hank seemed excited to have me around. As soon as he disappeared, Will’s large boots thudded down the stairs from the apartment. I pulled down one of the full, unmarked boxes and grabbed an empty from the floor.

"No I didn’t." Will yelled from the stairway. He reached the bottom and looked over at me, Mi yelled something else at him and he yelled back "Everything dies." Whenever I saw them they were either arguing or busy making up. I preferred the making up visits. "Whattaya say, Jukebox? When’d you get here?"

"’Keep On Running’. ‘Music Of My Mind’, it’s your favorite."

"That’s right Juke, you know he played all the instruments on this one right? Listen to that." Will immediately calmed down and bobbed his head to the rhythm. "I’ve missed most of-"

"This stink bad. It no stay you wrong." Mi wandered down the steps, pouting angrily as she held a fish bowl half full of water and with a goldfish floating dead on the surface. As she walked to Will with defiant purpose the water sloshed onto the floor but the fish stayed inside.

Will looked at Mi holding up the bowl and said, "Smells like your cookin’. Get that out of my face and throw ‘em out already." He turns to me. "So stupid she’d sell her car for gas money." Then he smiled and put his hand out for me to slap him five, which I’d learned would anger him if you didn’t. I pretended to smack his palm and managed not to touch but I had to turn mine over.  He slapped mine as Mi mumbled something in Vietnamese and angrily stomped away.

"You ready to get back to work yet, Will?" Hank asked returning with a Dr Pepper.

"Quit rushin' me, old man."

I grabbed a handful of the bolts and dropped them in one of the white trays, making a lot of noise when I did it. Hank and Will don’t exhibit the same interest in my counting the bolts as they once did. It took a few recounts for them to believe my accuracy at first but that ended long ago. They loved the thought that I’m able to count the bolts in a glance, but without the noise, it doesn’t seem to impress.

Hank left the Dr Pepper on the counter near me and pulled the dolly towards a green Mustang. It appeared effortless when he dropped to his back and rolled under the car. "Damn it. Can you get me that three quarter Will, I grabbed the bad one."

Will slid a socket wrench beside Hank and dug around in his pocket as he walked over to me.

"Now let’s see, so many good ones," He fanned himself with the dollar he found.

I let a big handful of bolts clink into the tray. Will crab-clawed my shirt by the pocket, stuffed the dollar in and patted it to my chest.

"Let’s go with Richard Pryor, how ‘bout, ‘Is It Something I Said’ track, oh saaay, whatever, track three."

"Track three of the 1975 album ‘Is It Something I Said’, would be titled ‘New Niggers’" I said the word a little cautiously.

"That’s right that’s the one. Good. Go ahead." Will leaned against the counter waiting for me.

I made a little ‘swishle-crackle (pause) crackle (pause) crackle’ as the album did in between tracks two and three and in my best impression of Richard Pryor, I began, "White folks tired of our ass too. They gettin’ them some new niggas, the Vietnamese." If the audience clapped, I clapped, if the audience laughed, I paused but didn’t try to imitate their laughing because usually Will and Hank would be. I clapped briefly. With a white man’s accent (which I did by trying to sound like a robot) I said, “Bring ‘em over, bring a lot of ‘em over. Niggers won’t mind…” RP accent again (which I did by deepening my voice)… “They didn’t ask us shit…"

"That’s right, that's right Rich," Will said.

I continued, "Heh, we the mothafuckas gotta give the jobs up for ‘em…" (more brief clapping) "…motherfuckas, I know why they like those motherfuckas too. Cause they got the kind of music they can dance to. Ging gong gang gung gung ging gung gung gung gung. Heh heh heh. They try to dance to Bad Luck--"

Hank waved a wrench at me, "Nah, he needs to lighten up like he does on some other tracks. Move on to that Mudbone story. The one with the witch, and hey you, you been eating magnets again or is there some other reason your ass is stuck to the counter and not over here workin’?"

"Just ‘cause he mentions Vietnam, what you got against us Nam vets anyway? It’s every damn time with you. I can’t get a word out about it, but bring up Korea and we can talk all day right?"

"You must be some serious kind of chowderhead." Hank rolled out from under the car and sat up. "Did you hear the same thing I just did? You've heard it before right? Knew I should’ve sent you back to kindergarten when you needed a tutor to learn how to scribble."

"Man, that’s so stale. I have some clippers for that ear hair. Maybe we should put on the real thing so you can hear the audience getting it."

"Just keep kickin’ mud why don’t you. He was talkin’ about your wife you know. You should be insulted but you clappin’ and laughin’ along like a seagull chokin’ on Alka-Seltzer."

Will shook his head in disgust. "Oh, oh you off today, besides, you see her pulling in any green cause I don’t. Only job she’s good for is dumpin’ dead fish and nobody’s competing with her for that."

"Respect boy. Find it. And you’re not gettin’ paid to stand around. Move."

Mi walked in carrying the empty fish bowl on her hip and walked up to me, "Ohhhh good good, Ah-bel, you stay for food okay. So good you look. Han-some." When she stood next me me we were shoulder to shoulder. She looked at Will. "You should take a look at Ah-bel. This a real man. Know how to treat a woman good. No listen to him Ah-bel. I get you food okay."

"We just ate lunch like an hour ago, Juke’s not hungry, get him some pie or something."

"Pie for dessert, no this time, this time good food, healthy."

"You heard me."

Mi walked up near him defiantly, huffed and left.

Will took a long drink from his soda.

"Go ahead then Juke give me that Mudbone would you? Will, put another quarter in his pocket already."

"He’s good from the last, he didn’t even finish." Will went into his pocket again and dropped a coin in my pocket. "Go on Juke, old man likes old man Mudbone, can’t help it."

Hank loved listening to Richard Pryor do his Mudbone, which was a heavy accented character that I had a hard time imitating. I delivered it word for word with the same pacing and pausing, same act but no accent.

The story was about a voodoo woman who Mudbone took his friend to for help with his hexed swollen feet. Towards the end, she shrinks them much smaller than he wanted with her own pee. This had Will and Hank laughing so hard they could barely breathe. I didn't fully understand why they found it so funny since they'd heard it many times. The punch-lines really only made me smile some now. Mi walked in the room holding a tray with a brown bowl and listened to me finish.

"Nigga snatched the monkey foot off her neck, swallowed that. Well he shouldn’ta done that cause they came and got his ass and took him to the zoo and you can see him if you go down there, he’s the polar bear, with little tiny feets," I finished.

"Now see, that was pretty good until the end. Even when Rich tells it, I never got the polar bear part of it. A monkey or a gorilla, he coulda turned into those, but a polar bear? A polar bear makes no sense," Will said.

"Next time you get off stage with your stand up act you can ask Rich what he was doin’, alright? Until then maybe you think he was sayin' that turnin’ into a whitey animal with tiny feet in a zoo wouldn’t be ideal. Them’s great guns you got for killin' jokes." Hank shook his head and ducked back under the car again.

"This a snack for Ah-bel. Quick here. Healthy for you." Mi held the bowl in the air, waving me closer.

"Where’s that pie?" Will asked.

"We no have pie, only salted snack." She put the tray down on the table and smiled at me.

"Beans? Man, no one eats this shit. I’ve had it with you today," Will complained, walking over and trying to grab the bowl.

Mi moved the tray away before he could. "Ah-bel eats it. He likes everything, not like you. So pickypickypicky."

Will gave her a sharp smack on her face and looked directly over at me as if he faulted me for watching. It was an anomaly in our normal formula for arguments. Usually, in argument, all were given free reign to say what they liked with only a verbal retort as part of the likely product. They played what they called “the dozens” which I thought highly inaccurate because they rarely went past three or four of the individual “snaps” but I read that term came from the sale of slaves that had been beaten until they could only sell them cheaply, by the dozen.

Will looked down at the beans and I thought for sure he'd throw them or pound them with his fist but he picked up a little with his fingers and ate it. He made a big show of smacking the food against the roof of his mouth.

"Mmm, these are pretty good. Give 'em a try Juke, if you’re hungry." there was an odd tone in his voice and also in the pacing in his walk back to the engine, casual but not his normal stride..

The dish contained heavily salted lima beans. I’ve always hated lima beans. Their size and shape makes me think of testicles and once you start thinking like that, you can’t turn back. I scooped up a few like Will did and quickly swallowed them down and smiled at Mi but Mi wasn’t looking at me because her head hung towards the garage floor.

"It is a fact, in 1979 Norma McCoy of Hubert North Carolina grew a Lima bean pod that was fourteen inches in length," I said after I took a huge swig of Dr Pepper.

Mi slowly rubbed at her cheek and stayed composed.

I belched. "Same year Martin Moore in Brighton England ate 2,380 cold beans one by one with a cocktail stick in a half hour."

"Is that so Juke? Some folks’ll do anything to keep their cars on the road, I guess."

Hank's joke at another time might have had us all laughing but Mi continued to rub her cheek. She didn’t lift her gaze from the floor while delivering the bowl. When it rested at my counter the curve of her smile grew warm and its meek slope did not compare to what it normally averaged. Mi walked casually to the steps but once near she dashed up them and I thought I could hear crying above the click of her little heels.

Everyone returned to the work for a while, even Will, until Hank interrupted the tool's clatter by starting an Art Blakey album. We listened to the drumming without comment for the next half hour when Hank asked me to tell them something about the music. I didn’t know much about Art Blakey besides him being a jazz drummer and the title of the album "Moanin." It’d been stored in the Miles Davis’s "Miles Smiles" album cover so I never got the chance to read the “Moanin” cover for any information it might have.

"The slaves who were originally brought to the U.S. from West Africa were the creators of jazz. During their breaks from working, they would make music. It was a reminder of their home; full of syncopation and special rhythmic complexity." I’d read it in a Time magazine article on Miles Davis.

"Hear that Junior, listen up you’ll learn something about where our jazz music comes from."

"I don’t need to be schooled today now, do I? Who’s the musician here? Listen, you won’t have to worry about any lessons when I move west."

"So there’ll be more room in the apartment but, hey, where you going now?" Hank said as Will wiped his hands on a rag. "Won’t be affording that move by not working."

"I’ll be making my money at the match Friday night." He stomped away and a minute later we heard his car speed out of the lot.

"Well, Juke. It's me and you again. Put on what you like over there."

As it spun to the end I lifted the needle and started it over. We didn’t say much for a while as I wrote the counts on the last of the four boxes I finished.

Hank started cleaning the tool he worked with. "Did Will ever tell you how he and Mi met?"

"They met during the Vietnam war."

"Yeah, yeah that’s the bones of it, but…" Hank tilted his head thinking. "There’s lots more nerve and meat to that story." He wiped his hands on his coveralls and retrieved two bottles of Pabst before taking a seat in one of the chairs he liked to sit in looking out on the street. He waved me over. I could smell a little B.O. coming from him when I sat down and he handed me a bottle.

"Not my place maybe but I’d rather you didn’t think badly of Will. It’s been tough on him moving back here with me. He’s still trying to find his bearings, and that anger, don’t let it fool you. He’s a boy with a big heart.” Hank put the wrench on the ground next to us as a car pulled to a stop at the stoplight. “Vietnam, mhm, Vietnam had lots of men living inside themselves, you know, living everyday with the fear of death. Will was no different, not one bit. He sought out women to keep sane like so many of them boys." Hank lifted his bottle and drank. "As I heard it, there were many women like Mi, trying to find a way to survive by taking care of soldiers. Same women I found in Korea. But Will didn’t do like the others, you gotta believe me. His mother and I brought him up to respect women. There were plenty of soldiers there that’d tell a woman who was just tryin’ to survive that, sure, they’d come back for her, and take care of her, if she’d only give him some lovin’ that night, but they never did."

The slight yellow tint of his eyes emanated warmth, sending it out along the long fluttering lashes. He swallowed a third of his bottle and released a slow muffled burp. "If April only lived until he got home, but- but see, no sir, Will Flynn wasn’t that kind of man. When he told Mi he’d be back for her he meant it. When he finished his tours, he had her come back to the States with him. I never raised a hand to April, never once. Will saw plenty of our fights. I’ve learned see. You gotta look the other way if he gets that way with her because I wasn’t in Vietnam and you can’t understand a man’s actions that’s been through what went on over there. The man gave his hand. I guess he should be able to use it for what he wants now."

We sat and listened to traffic pass and belched while drinking our beer. I thought about how they’d both treated me since my first visit. On top of what they paid me for the counting, every time I’d come Hank or Will would put extra in my pocket for any little thing I did. They always laughed and laughed and sometimes they’d stick other things in my pocket besides money, like used tissues and bottle caps but I’d keep reciting stand-up even if that’s all they ever stuck in there. These were the types of guys you care for as if they’re your relatives because they’re better than the ones you see on TV, and at least as good as my uncle. As long as Will wasn’t slapping me and as long as Mi still showed how much she loved Will the next day, then I figured it’s okay to go on loving them too.

"Will’s moving. So that means, it means you are moving too."

"I been here thirty-seven years. I’ll probably be here when you move away and probably until the big guy comes and takes me away, but I may be living over there in Tri-Pyramid’s by then."

We both looked over and saw a group of elderly people moving slowly on the grounds.

"It is a fact, the Seven Wonders of the Ancient World were the Great Pyramid of Cheops, The Hanging Gardens of Babylon, The Statue of Zeus at Olympia, The Temple of Diana at Ephesus, The Tomb of King Mausolus at Halicarnassus, The Colossus of Rhodes on the Isle of Rhodes and the Lighthouse on the Isle of Pharos. The Great Pyramid of Cheops located on the Giza plateau is the only one still in existence. It was built in less than thirty years. Memphis Tennessee is named after Memphis, the necropolis, or burial city where Giza lives. There has been speculation that the Pyramid was built by aliens or perhaps Atlantians. Many people don’t think of Egypt being part of Africa but the pyramids were built by a proud group of intensely hard working Africans. … You know- you know I’m of African descent too Hank."

Hank had been looking at me with wonder then smiled wide exposing his dark gums. "Is that right? Well, you got color I’ll give you that."

"We all are. Because of the fact of the earliest woman, Lucy, she was from Africa. We all must have some of her blood in us."

"I imagine you’re right, that is, unless we came from aliens," he continued with his wide grin.

"Or the Atlantians, but I should be going home now."

"Already? Well, come by again when you can. Don’t want me counting them bolts, I’d be all week at it." Hank pulled a small roll of bills from his pocket and tucked a five in with the Chiclets.

"Okay bye," I said and tried handing him the Chiclets.

He took my quarter drunk bottle instead. "See you later, Juke."

 

The automobile Hank most resembles is a Volkswagen Beetle. I say this not because he’s a fat squat man with bug eyes, although he sort of is, I say it because blue whales have hearts the same size as Volkswagen Beetles. Maybe it’d be better to say that Hank has the heart of a blue whale but that’d be a frightening physical impossibility.

Chapters

7

report abuse

To leave comments on this or any book please Register or Login

subscribe to comments for this book
HarperCollins Wrote

This novel depicts the life of a teen autistic savant both interestingly and lyrically. It takes on the topic of the brilliant-minded yet socially awkward child in the vein of such novels as The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night Time.

Abel Velasco’s sharp and particular mind shepherds the reader to see – and wonder at – the world and human evolution through a lens of mathematical calculation and invention. As a result we also witness the challenge Abel faces when some aspects of human life are incalculable and irreducible to formulae or algorithms. Abel’s sense of beauty found by bringing natural order to chaos is not always possible. His own domestic situation is an example of this, having had to randomly hop from home to home his whole life, and now that he is ‘settled’ with Pigpie, still not knowing what to expect from one moment to the next.

The accomplished, incisive and original writing in this novel goes a long way to helping Abel’s experience pulse and resonate with the reader. Abel may be a genius, but his curiosity and behaviour still retain innocent and naive qualities and his wading through the everyday debris and confusion is universal. The dialogue is well-written and the characters are well-crafted and for the most part well-rounded. I understand that Pigpie is meant to be deplorable, but I think she does come across as two-dimensional at points. There are slight hints at a possibility of a more pleasant side, but I still think there needs to be a few more, maybe a suggestion of a back story that has made her become such a villain. I really like the idea of Abel trying to connect and makes sense of the world through a motley of characters outside his family home. This aspect and Abel’s idiosyncratic perceptions reminded me of the novel Lullabies for Little Criminals where a young child connects with people in her neighbourhood as a result of her underprivileged family life.

The historical and pop-cultural references help create the atmosphere of the period. They provide a sense of how the contemporary iconic, technological and consumerist culture has evolved. It may be a stretch on my part, but I believe this novel is both celebrating and lamenting mathematical and technological innovation, especially with such stark images as the dysmorphic Six Million Dollar Man. And whether it intentionally attempts this or not it provides an apt and thought-provoking backdrop to Abel’s own investigations.

One criticism I would make is that some Abel’s articulation of facts can sometimes – key word: sometimes – drag on a bit. This could possibly be addressed by recasting some of his facts and calculations in ways that reflect his reading of the unordered human world around him. There are some great examples of this at the beginning and towards the end of the novel, such as when he visits his mother and the incident with Shelly and Pigpie at home. This could draw out a bit more of the emotional and human element of the narrative.

I really enjoyed this novel and believe the narrative voice, writing and characterisation are highly developed. I wanted to pull out some of my favourite lines, but there were way too many. This novel is at quite a polished stage already, and with a few minor tweaks and some minor structural work I could see this having a great chance at being published.

zan wrote 1223 days ago

A Calculated Embellishment
Bradley Wind

Bradley,
We backed each other’s books months ago I think, and I’ve had yours on my WL since, unread. The guilt was taking over so I finally decided to offload it.... Apologies for the undue delay.

I read the first five chapters and was happy to have done so. I read your pitch long ago which led me to back your book then, and I must say your short pitch stuck with me – “Abel Velasco counts the number of times his aunt hits him. Abel counts many things. He can’t help it – he’s a savant.” I must have met a few of these before because I see a few people in Abel – rare really, and this pitch made me think of them, making that personal connection between my own experiences of these rare people, and your book.

To start with just a minor bit of constructive criticism, in the third line of ch 1 I would remove the word “for” after the word “worthy” as it reads a bit odd and since these are your opening lines, I thought it best to tell you in case it feels odd to other more important people reading – I see you are at No.6 in the ranks, so do get another opinion. Also, at the end of ch 2 – last line, last word – you need a full stop after the word punishment which ends the last sentence. Minor, but given your rank I am sure you must be in the process of doing final edits.

I thought ch 1 was a good opening chapter. We are introduced to your narrator, a 12 year old boy whose hero is Descartes. I must admit, this impressed me a lot. Ordinarily, he might be viewed as a “nerd”, because he obviously has a high IQ and reads constantly. I found his thoughts and reasoning about intellectual matters quite stimulating. Yet, you managed to maintain the innocence of boyhood/childhood in him and make him appear just like any other 12 year old, despite his “talent/gift”. His concern for the dog, Mr. Scratch, and then his friend Russell who had a “propensity for producing spittle” appearing on the scene all made him and his life appear normal. The tone here is light, child-like, and I was happy to see you beginning to characterize him as having an inquisitive mind.
In ch 2 Abel’s responsibility for keeping the lawn and cleaning the back yard tidy are presented as excuses for Pigpie to scold him. For a brief moment it reminded me of the fabled days of Huck Finn and Tom Sawyer, with the fence painting and so on. In this chapter we see Pigpie slapping Abel mercilessly, with the potential to reach from his thighs to his head. On the one hand, he is being terribly abused. His domestic situation leaves a lot to be desired, but then he has his books and his heroes and his mind to retreat into where he can enjoy another world – the world of Descartes for instance with his “I think therefore I am” philosophy and Abel’s fascination with such ideas. This too was a well written chapter which suitably developed your plot.
Ch 3 was a real treat. The references to the songs by Joan Jett, the Beatles, and reference to Anson Williams from Happy Days took me so many years back. And I don’t remember the last time I saw or heard the word “pacman”! “Raggedy Andy” was a good substitute for that name we all remember so well, and again you took me back to the days of the jukebox ; Mohammed Ali; chiclets; the old movies such as an Officer and a Gentleman, Fast Times and Ridgemont High and so on. I enjoyed going back in time here. In this chapter too, we meet Shelly so again, your plot is being well developed and we are beginning to appreciate the relationships between your characters. I think you really captured the period here – a record of history in many ways for which you are to be commended. By this time, the savant in Abel really shows – how he can tell age and date down to years, days, minutes etc., his ability to recall minute details and so on, on so many topics were flabbergasting. Yet, Abel is credible. In this chapter you end with Pigpie shoving a balled piece of tinfoil into his mouth and ordering him to chew it. Again, showing the horror of his domestic life at such a young age, and I wondered here how this would affect him in later life.
Ch 4 opens with his thoughts on mathematics – that without it progress would halt and society would collapse. Again we see the savant in him in this chapter. I liked the classroom scene and meeting Dr. Limone who had the “short man’s belief that arrogance could make up for stature”. I thought there was a good ending to this with the “fag tag” incident and the observation of Abel of the good example of libraries being security against ignorance.
Ch 5 opens with Russell and Abel meeting, the tree, the binoculars, the shield of pine trees – here you recreate the sense of adventure that’s often a part of childhood and growing up and again I enjoyed this chapter. Russell might be leading Abel astray, as some of our many “good “friends of childhood have often done (!) but Abel doesn’t mind because he knows that the two library books he’d checked out wouldn’t last all night. The bicycle ride, the creek, the Pierson mansion where legend had it that a father killed himself and his family – all of this was quite interesting and sustained my interest.. And then the end of the chapter closing with Russell asking him to keep his secret and the “calculations” “blocking” Abel for the moment. And here I was convinced that the title of this piece “A Calculated Embellishment” is simply perfect.

Bradley, I thought this was well written, interesting, intelligent and exciting. I found it rich in atmosphere, language, details about so much which might be a recollection for some, and a leaqrning experience for others. The narrative voice is appropriate to establishing and maintaing credibility of your MC because this feels like a personal communication to me, and I suspect to any and everyone who reads this book. You dramatically describe his experiences of abuse and the anguish which goes with that, but you balance that darkness with his search for light, or perhaps his recognition that there is light within him through knowledge, and I think in his natural ability which he has discovered in himself. I think people of every age, young and old, will benefit from reading this piece. I wish I had time to read your full upload. I don’t right now but you can be sure I will come back to it.

On my shelf for another spin, and wishing you every success with this Bradley.
Zan

Niobrara Kardnova wrote 1281 days ago

Bradley,
A Calculated Embellishment is a fascinating story. I once watched a biopic on the "Real Rain Man," Kim Peek, and much of your dialog and descriptions remind me of him--Abel's casually announcing the number of taste buds on a human tongue or dropping minutiae about Robert Fitzsimmons, the lightest heavyweight champion, are fine examples. At other times, Abel was quite different than Kim. For example, I can imagine Kim fixating on the qualities of Pabst Blue Ribbon, his favorite beer, but I imagine he would tell numerous offbeat jokes about Pabst and recount the history of that particular brewery rather than damning and spewing forth details of the rival Budweiser company. Abel is also much more world wise and calculating than Kim--perhaps that played into your choice of title. Anyway, the more I thought about it, the more convinced I became that Abel could be an alternative Kim due to his dysfunctional upbringing. After all, I believe Kim was, and perhaps is still being, raised by a very patient and protective father in Utah. If he'd shared Abel's hard early life, his "savant talents," as you call them, may well have been twisted in this different direction. Whatever the case in reality, the characters in your book are captivating and believable, the plot you describe intriguing. Glad that I read this one and happy to shelve it.
Niobrara Kardnova (The Trouble with Wives)

Ancient Reader wrote 1317 days ago

Dear Bradley,

Wow! What a premise! It's amazing to me that you, a young man who appears to be essentially "normal" himself, can get inside of an autistic savant's intriguingly skewed mind and let us view and live the results with him!

I have read The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night and I Was Born on a Blue Day and thus have negotiated this kind of material before, and I can say without hesitation that you do it very well.

You do a great job of portraying a unigue mind--sounds conjuring up visions first and later sounds creating numbers and the need for calculations. I love the idea that an expanse of lawn is scary to him and numbers start crowding the fringes of his vision unless he can find a distraction, like his favorite--something deposited by a dog.

I found the description offered by Abel for the difference between Russell and him breathtaking in it's perfection.

I love this line: "He falls into Ali Baba level greatness for philosophical larceny."

And this one: " . . .navigating to the dirt path to kill my shadow . . ."

His response to certain words like Infinity seems exactly right for the autistic savant. I have no idea how you have managed to do this, but it's close to phenomenal.

Some more amazing sentences: "Arrogance stands out like nose-relish on a face . . . "

And " . . . and let the Dewey decimal system usher me to the Art section where the big books lived tortured lives on cramped shelves."

And "sitting dorks"

Quite a masterful blending of the throes of puberty from an autistic savant's point of view.

A couple of things presented themselves as needful of changing . As a few of your readers mentioned, they were unable to figure out who was the narrator and at what age. Because of his esoteric knowledge at an early age -- the seven languages he spoke while a young child, for example, it's not always easy to know how old he is and if Abel is referring to current events in his life or not.

Because of this, some tightening needs to be done. Possibly a short Preamble or Introduction or Beginning Word, given by a professional to introduce--very briefly--what the point of view is, would help with clarity so a reader wouldn't founder.

At one point in Chapter six, you switch viewpoints to Russell's. This is confusing, especially later when it's Abel who's waking up with strange faces hovering over him, and the reader is unsure about just who is waking up.

When Will comes and the white couple are so afraid of him, it wasn't clear to me that Will looked any different than usual, until later. I didn't think that looks were very important to Abel and it began to seem that this might turn into something a bit racist.

One sentence bothered me because I couldn't figure out the referrent for the pronoun. It stopped the flow for me while I tried to figure out what was going on. Unfortunately, I loved the sentence; I just couldn't figure it out.

It was in chapter six, "As shadows enveloped me, it's low triumphant howl worked on my spine . . . " Whose howl? I couldn't figure it out.

This is worthy of shelving and I am doing that. I believe that there is a place for this book in today's reading public and it should find a publisher willing to take it on.

Louise Galvin wrote 1366 days ago

This is like a collage that you instinctively know that you love, that petitions your heart and eye, that on some level you know that you understand, but you have to stand in front of it for a long time, alternately frowning and smiling, before you can quite fathom out why.

Your narrator colours a world that is vibrant. You place words with a painter’s application. You express the inscrutable so eloquently. There is something gorgeously oblique and enigmatic about this.

There are elements of this, small observations, that are truly joyous and that made me grin inanely. I inhale my dog too. He smells of innocence and I love him for it.

This is probably the most original writing that I’ve yet read on this site. I could get quite gushy over it, Bradley. Along with Freddie, you’re going to be residing on my shelf for a long while, because I want to read this properly and slowly – not as an Authonomite, looking for nitpicks and something smart to say – but as a fan, reading something joyous and worthwhile that demands to be savoured.

made wrote 222 days ago

Loved it

Debbie Samson wrote 819 days ago

I found the first 9 chapters fascinating and would love to read the remainder of the book!! How do I get the rest of the book??
The author really captivates the soul of a young adolescent while sharing the mind of a savant living in a challenging environment!
Hopefully this book will be seen soon on the shelves of Barnes and Noble!

billy.mcbride wrote 850 days ago

Dear Bradley,

Thank you for helping me to appreciate your novel with its interesting characters. I especially liked all of the memorable facts and goods you write about. Hubba Bubba is my favorite gum, well and Fruit Stripe too.

Have a nice day,

Billy McBride
P.S. If you read any of my books first I hope that you choose How to Win the Lotto. Thanks.

ClaireLouise wrote 903 days ago

Clever, original and very well observed. I also love the title and pitch.One of the best I have read on here so far. Best of luck, Claire

SusieGulick wrote 923 days ago

Dear Bradley, I love that your pitch told about savant syndrome, which I had never heard of, but I love to count everything :) - when I was going to college, I would count how many steps to my classroom & later, how many steps to the library :) - I'm totally fascinated & will have to put it in my search engine if I ever have time :) - I wrote it in my date book at the top of my page. :) I also could climb our Chinaberry tree & the neighbor's maple tree higher than anyone in the neighborhood, which I tell this in my memoirs book. :) You can tell that you triggered a lot of memories, huh? :) I read through chapter 9 & loved all of the adventure of your story. :) I have read, commented on, & put your book on my watchlist to back when space opens on my bookshelf. :) I have also ****** 'd your book :) - could you please ****** & back my memoirs book in return? Thank you from the bottom of my heart. :) Love, Susie :) p.s. every ****** -ing & backing moves our books closer to the editor's desk :)

SusieGulick wrote 923 days ago

:) comment to follow after I've read your book - read & commented on 17 hours later :)

HanyHash wrote 942 days ago

Bradley, I found 'A Calculated Embellishment' a wonderful read. I'm not good at reviewing a book from the eye of an expert - so about how the book make me feel. Your book, I found, a writing and a writer, sensitive with a wonderous sense of the written words, which kept me enthralled and wanting to read on and on. It is a quiet read which me, in a state of reflection after - thinking whether there is a little of Abel in each of us? Whether we are as complete in our honesty about ourselves and our lives? Sometimes, the Abels of the world are better humans than the so called 'normal' people. Thank you Bradley for placing your book here. I loved it. Hanyxxx

Sharon.v.o. wrote 979 days ago

Bradly,
What an incredible book. I really enjoyed reading it. Not be a book review, and certainly not able to offer more than what you already have been told, will simply say let me know when you get your book deal. I will be first in line to buy a copy.
Best regards,
Sharon Van Orman
Eve, an Eden's Exiles novel

Jaye Hill wrote 999 days ago

So many delights in this that its difficult to pick, brilliantly concise evocation of character (Phil in his ironed designer Jeans), the esoteric bits of information introducing the chapters, the acute observation and the aphorisms (if that is the word: libraries are security against ignorance), believable dialogue. Will back Jaye Hill The Fantasy Trip and Runa Seven

elf_friend wrote 1004 days ago

Hiya,

I remember having a brief look through this a while back and not having time to comment. I enjoyed it just as much the second time and it appears there have been a few edits since then. There's not much I can say since you've heard back from HC - congratulations on making the ED and on the great review.

The start was very compelling - we get an insight into the narrator's thoughts, his surroundings, and a good idea of what his voice will be like.

There seem to be a handful of typos lurking around: Ch. 4 'Flynn's' should probably be 'Flynns', and 'full reign' should be 'full rein' (or 'free rein'). Ch. 6 'When were your born' - 'When were you born'. Ch. 7 'free reign' - 'free rein'.

One aspect of your writing that I particularly enjoyed was the portrayal of the characters. I actually liked the fact that Pigpie might seem two dimensional because it emphasises the fact that we're seeing everything through Abel's eyes, and however observant he is of the people around him, he's not a completely objective narrator. I was also impressed with the way in which you built up the world around Abel and include backstory while maintaining his voice.

I'm sorry I wasn't able to comment sooner, or to give this a backing when you were trying to make the ED.

All the best,
elf_friend

James Apologist wrote 1015 days ago

I am interested in your book and am putting it on my watchlist. I will be reading parts of it as soon as I can. In that it is related to the Bible, it perhaps bears some similarity to my own book, which, if you are a Christian, potential Christian, or a thoughtful and objective skeptic in this regard, you might enjoy. Its title is "Things Are Not as They Seem."

Vanessa Darnleigh wrote 1077 days ago

I can't do any better than the comments that appear below...quite an accolade for the rest of us who aspire to reaching the Ed's desk...great stuff...by the way, how does one go about getting a cover designed by you (?)
Best wishes
Stewart

Elizabeth Wolfe wrote 1119 days ago

Dear Bradley,
I understand that you do covers for many of the titles on this site. I am looking for help with the cover for my book, Memories of Glory. Can you help me?
Sincerely,
Elizabeth Marcus Wolfe

A. Zoomer wrote 1123 days ago

You are my kind of writer. This is what I read for Descartes is a A-hole.
Will you take a look at Going Out in Style and let me know what YOU think.
Thx,
A zoomer- a boomer with zip

Pete M wrote 1131 days ago

superb review, Bradley.

CraigD wrote 1138 days ago

Hi Bradley. Congratulations on climbing up onto the desk. I’ve read through the first chapter of your manuscript, and I see its appeal: the writing is witty and tight, and the characters engaging. I backed you even though it's a moot point.
Please consider looking at my manuscript, “The Job: Based on a True Story (I mean, this is bound to have happened somewhere)” – I hope you’ll find it something fresh and different in the religion genre. I’d certainly appreciate your support, but only if you think it has merit.
Thanks,
Craig Davis
http://www.authonomy.com/ViewBook.aspx?bookid=19440

CraigD wrote 1138 days ago

Hi Bradley. Congratulations on climbing up onto the desk. I’ve read through the first chapter of your manuscript, and I see its appeal: the writing is witty and tight, and the characters engaging. I backed you even though it's a moot point.
Please consider looking at my manuscript, “The Job: Based on a True Story (I mean, this is bound to have happened somewhere)” – I hope you’ll find it something fresh and different in the religion genre. I’d certainly appreciate your support, but only if you think it has merit.
Thanks,
Craig Davis
http://www.authonomy.com/ViewBook.aspx?bookid=19440

Lara wrote 1144 days ago

Ch 8. Still convincving me. Great. I don't quite know how you achieve it = perhaps by having the reader so totally in the skin of the narrator - but the fairly anti social behaviour of the kids still manages to suggest that they'll progress to being decent human beings one day. It's so real, that's what makes it funnier and a page turner. I could really see this on TV and personally hope it goes that way.

All the best,

Rosalind
Good for Him

Lara wrote 1146 days ago

Hi, I'm drawn to this because you write about the same sort of characters and issues as I do, although your style is totally different. I love it and would take it eagerly off any library shelf.

Good Wishes

Rosalind (Lara)

Good for Him

Gunslinger wrote 1163 days ago

Hey, Bradley--
Just had to write something here, since you had 666 comments. Couldn't have any bad mojo lurking around your work, my friend. Congratulations, by the way!
--Dan

Sumarus wrote 1166 days ago

Bradley, I apologise for not replying sooner, but congratulations in making the editors desk, I hope it's constructive.

From what I have managed to read your writing is descriptive, imaginative, realistic and flows well. You have a good story and I struggle to fault the narration or the writing.

All the best with it.

Bobby
Dented Sensation

cheimpo17 wrote 1171 days ago

Hi Bradley,

I finally got around to reading this and all I can say is WOW! Loved everything I read. No wonder you got onto the Ed's desk. Hope someone picks it up. Definitely one of my favs.

Tracy

Snpdrgon wrote 1171 days ago

Congratulations! That star is so pretty.... LOL

I tweaked my cover a bit. I hope it's ok!

Lisa~
Brewer House

DWL wrote 1173 days ago

I read this a while ago but am just now getting around to backing books, and this was the one book that stayed with me. The voice is captivating, the writing fluid. Very much enjoyed it, and I predict that this will be one of the books that people find stays on their minds for long after they read it.

SueAnn Jackson Land wrote 1176 days ago

Bradley,
Where you have written “Last May 19th, 1981...” you captured cascading thought perfectly. I have a fascination with schizophrenia and the research I’ve done to understand it entailed talking with people having those cascading thoughts. They seem to be fixated on the object/subject of which they are speaking and the thoughts attach to it, not to communication or social interaction.

Abel is a very polite boy. Emphasizing that a heavyset person could not fit down the path... my initial reaction was to say, “don’t avoid the word fat”...but the more I read his thoughts, I realized he is not a crass individual. He is observant and almost reverent in his observance.

Russell reminds me of an oaf. Like Harry Potter’s gentle giant or Steinbeck’s Lennie... I wonder what his heart will reveal and how the two will fend for one another in a very cynical and cold world.

You remind me of Roald Dahl in your characterization of the adults. Pigpie and Spyker... my comparison is to tell you that your writing has the echoes of literature. The era you are writing about, too... John Boy Walton. When I was a child, my pretend time was at my electric typewriter at my bedroom window, the narrator speaking kindly and inventing a 1930’s family in the late 70's. Abel is strangely comforting to me.

Now I understand the contempt for adults. Pigpie is befitting for this woman. The avoidance of the slap is perfectly written...I know that.

I genuinely appreciate the laugh out loud writing – when Abel quotes Shakespeare to get into Fast Times at Ridgemont High I think my next door neighbour heard me laughing. The humour is good – it will cushion the thigh slapping reality.

Ok... I have to admit that I *love* the idea of Pigpie using “irregardless”... priceless!

Dolly broke our schnauzer’s hip when she threw Penny down the basement. We had to put her down because even with surgery the vet said she would never walk right again. If Abel survives and doesn’t become a serial killer I’ll be in the front row cheering. Enough for now...more later... this comment is too long already!

BACKED - not in payment, in reverence.
SueAnn (The Truth About Whales)

evwalker wrote 1178 days ago

Bradley,
Congratulations on making the ED. This book certainly deserves it. It's very well-written; I like how you show in chapter two how his obsession with numbers and the large amount of facts he has memorized affect how he thinks. Great job!
-Libby

gerry01 wrote 1179 days ago

Hi Brad, I had the quick look of your book. I'm doing the rounds at the moment. However, I am keeping a note of the better ones to return to and yours is worth another look. I hope the editors are kind to you and offer you a deal. I'd better come back to the book before you decide to sell it. All the Best and thanks again for the artwork

JenniferThorne wrote 1181 days ago

CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!

Butler's Girl wrote 1181 days ago

Congratulations Bradley, you deserve every success, and I wish you all the best!
Fantastic novel.

Alison Butler (The Hanging of Margaret Dickson)

Jesse Hargreave wrote 1181 days ago

Bravo and the best of luck,

Jesse - Savant

ENBISAMUNYU wrote 1181 days ago

Bradley,

Wicked good! I like the 13 year-old character and his appreciation of Mister Scratch! And the arboreal fractions's tale used to cause me as much wonder when I was a teenager. It's true for some trees but not for all of them so Mr Sutkin was certainly exaggerating.

I wish you well with it!

Edward

mmefford wrote 1182 days ago

This is very nice. There is a great eye for detail--small things that really add to the depth of the book. This reminds me a little of Stand by Me by Stephen King (The Body was the short, as I remember). Anyway, it's tha particular ability to remember those little details and convey them that is a gift. Good luck.

Mike Mefford

GuardsMann81 wrote 1182 days ago

Bradley,
I know your book really doesn't need further assistance, but after reading the first two chapters I'm really impressed. Great voice, and the transitions are quite good. The reader doesn't get lost at all. I love how you tie them in a further explain his past through his odd thought process. This is great. Backed. I wish you the best.

If you have time to take a look at mine, I'd appreciate it. An Invisible Dawn hasn't been on the site long, just since the 25'th of February. If you like it, please shelve it and help us to reach the heights of your current acclaim. If not, please let me know what I can do to make it better.

Weston Kincade
An Invisible Dawn

First Floor on Fire wrote 1182 days ago

Bradley, I'm reluctant to comment because praising the writer who's currently #1 here can come across as cravenly sycophantic, but I really did enjoy your first chapter. You have a breezy energy and wit and a knack for recapturing how it felt to be thirteen. And I didn't have a problem with the word "for," though I'm not attacking zan for objecting to it. Nobody is required to agree about anything concerning literature.

Abhyastamita wrote 1182 days ago

Almost every paragraph of this has a description of something familiar that's not like any way I've seen it described before. I was particularly struck by the way Abel uses the graffiti to gauge his climb up the tree and the "if you eat what you smell" part and the description of Pigpie which is mostly all moles and thigh-slaps. Oh, and the propelling clouds around the sky as Abel's looking up at them from the tree house. I could go on a lot longer.

Occasionally the sentences have more information in them than is ideal for smooth reading. But I think if you changed that, Abel's voice wouldn't come through as clearly as it does. I'm very glad to have gotten to read some of this.

huangcck wrote 1182 days ago

sorry but i won't be writing a super long comment like some of the authors did.

very interesting idea, Rain Man meets Davinci Code? hehe.

very nicely written, easy to follow, especially with such abudant use of quotes which divides up the narratives.

only thing missing? your coverart needs a panda hat.

Gordon Long wrote 1183 days ago

Dear Bradley,

This book has wonderful potential. I believe you have created a truly unique main character, who attracts a great deal of empathy.

I can give a couple of ideas that might help you:

1. You need a thorough proof-read. In general, your prose is good, but there are serious lapses.
"A minute passed, but the backdoor didn't open after I thought I'd heard a noise." is either very convoluted prose, or an indication of how this character's mind works. Unfortunately, most people will assume the former, especially when you use the adjective form, "backdoor" when you mean the adjective-noun form, "back door." You make the same mistake with "everyday" in the next chapter.

2. You overuse the "stream of consciousness" spewing of facts. While it is a key facet of your MC's character, that doesn't mean it makes great novel material. Perfect example: the start of Ch 6. This comes at a place in the novel where the reader's interest is starting to flag, because essentially, nothing has happened yet. This is the point where you need to pick up the action, and instead, at the beginning of a chapter, you put in 10 large paragraphs of philosophy.

It's standard procedure, when you have a character trait that is also a reading problem (dialect, for example) to use it strongly at first to establish it, and then back off, and only use it where it works for the rest of the story. In the case of this trait, I can see it being used for comic effect, or to create suspense in a conflict situation.

Which leads us to the last and most obvious problem,

3. Nine chapters before the conflict starts. If you don't see this as a problem, there's not much more I can say.

In any case, I will be backing this story, because I don't think there's enough creativity in the world, and I love the MC.

Gordon Long
"A Sword Called…Kitten?"








scatteredfrost wrote 1183 days ago

Hi Bradley, Calculated Embellishment is a very clever story. What can I say that hasn't been said. Amazing. Checked out your book covers on your site. Wow, didn't realize that many of my favorites here on the site were yours.
backed
Pamela Frost
aka scatteredfrost
Houses of Cards

D.J.Smith wrote 1183 days ago

Hi Bradley
Thanks for your comments on 'Taylor' - Will look to split the long pitch. Just read the first few chapters of 'A calculated Embelleshment' - I like it. I like the way you effortlessly bring in vivd characters - reminded me of reading Stephen KIng. The first person narrative works really well and paints an intriguing picture even without dialogue. I teach kids on the autistic spectrum (although not savants - that I know of!) and so felt an immediate affection for Abel. Hope this one goes all the way.
DJ

lizjrnm wrote 1183 days ago

This is a phenominal book - it is no wonder it got this far! There are so many wonderful comments here so I just say ditto! Good luck - you are so there!

In between signing autographs if you have time to take a peek at The Cheech Room I would love your opinion! ;)

Billiegirl wrote 1183 days ago

Hi Bradley,
This was one of the first books I looked at on this site, and I either forgot to back it or didn't know how. :-) I don't feel qualified to comment in depth, but I will say that it reads like an already published novel, and there is a reason it has the ranking it does!
All the best

A.R. Norris wrote 1183 days ago

Hi Bradley,

I have to say, this probably wouldn't have been a book I'd have picked up. I'm glad Authonomy brought the opportunity to read this. You've done a great job setting a 1980s picture and the characters are well developed. From your pitch I wasn't sure what kind of syndrome to expect as I've never heard of Savant before. The pitch also had me a little worried that the book would be a little depressing. I was very pleasantly surprised and found a mixture of Stand by Me and Beautiful mind (sorry, I couldn't find a better comparible movie/book Id see/read).

You have a very clean writing style and good plot pacing. GOod luck with the Editor's Desk and congratulations for making the top 5.

AR

H Leigh Cornwell wrote 1184 days ago

Excellent job! Really, what more can I add to the impressive comments about your book? I hope the editor's desk is the start of great things for you and your fabulous writing!

H Leigh Cornwell
(Blood Descent)

JenniferThorne wrote 1184 days ago

Good Luck, Bradley. This book deserves to be published. Backed. To the hilt.

Famlavan wrote 1184 days ago

Hey Bradley, I’m fairly sure I backed you before, however I just looked on my watch list and after reading your work had TO make sure I had backed your work, brilliant – good luck.

Famlavan – Museum of Old Beliefs

Vickie Clasby wrote 1184 days ago

Bradley,
This is a wonderful story. Abel is perhaps the most intriguing character I've read. You've done a marvelous job of bringing him to life as a person, not a caricature. He switches from rants on Descartes to Budweiser as if each has equal importance. What I like most is that this is different - defies all labels. When surrounded by sci-fi, fantasy, and vampire/werewolf tales, this is a real breath of fresh air. Entertaining, masterful, and extremely well done.
I think you have a real chance at commercial success, and I wish you the best of luck.

Best regards,
Vickie (Barely a Trace)

Onlee1Chance wrote 1185 days ago

Wow! Great pitch...I also read the first chapter and I have to say... Great Work!!! will be placing on my wl and bookshelf as space comes behavior

Richard P-S wrote 1185 days ago

I don't think we've ever read each other's books, Bradley, but you've sort of been a quiet presence in my online lives for almost a year, and a wise presence here on authonomy. That's why I've felt the need to come over and look at Embelllishment before the month is up. So, please don't feel obligated to read my book.

I have read two chapters, and that's enough, because, in them, you establish a very strong narrative voice, one which remains in your readers' mind even after they have taken their eyes from the page and put down your book. That's a quality only few writers can achieve. You do need to edit for punctuation (sorry, I am known as the Punctuation Police, and it would be wrong not to point it out).

I'm not sure if you do yourself a disservice by mentioning Rainman in your blurb, because you set people's expectations and set yourself up for a comparison (or accusation of copying), especially if you query with that reference.

This deserves a short spin on my rotating shelf, and I wish you much luck with it.

R

Kidd1 wrote 1185 days ago

I read, therefore I know! What a wonderful premise for a story. To be inside an autistic mind is a memorable experience. Genius shines in your protagonist as well as you, his mentor. Shelved.

GeorgiaLondon wrote 1185 days ago

Bradley, your story is fascinating. Abel is such a loveable character, very visceral in the way he narrates the story. I can see why you are at the top. You a do a great job of making the reader hope that Pigpie(great name) suddenly chokes, maybe that is too good for her. Wishing you all the best. Backed