Book Jacket

 

rank  Editors Pick
word count 29727
date submitted 02.04.2009
date updated 23.01.2012
genres: Fiction, Literary Fiction, Popular ...
classification: universal
incomplete

A Calculated Embellishment

Bradley Wind

Abel Velasco counts the number of times his aunt hits him. Abel counts many things. He can’t help it – he’s a savant.

 

It is 1982. Abel has left foster care to live with his newly found cousin and abusive aunt. His typical teenage struggles are compounded by the complication of his savant talents.
Searching for a challenge, Abel becomes obsessed with the mysterious architecture of an abandoned mansion and strangely numbered bible, launching his journey from suburban New Jersey to Berkeley, California and beyond.

Dr. Darold A. Treffert, author of "Extraordinary People," consultant for the movie "Rainman" and expert on savant syndrome wrote to me: "Savant syndrome typically is present from birth as a part of some developmental disorder, including autism. But there are also cases of what I call "acquired savant" syndrome following head injury. The Acquired Savant raises interesting questions about the little Rain Man that might reside, perhaps, within us all."

A CALCULATED EMBELLISHMENT is a story of developing genius.

The Novel is complete [114K words]
First 6 chapters on Authonomy


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tags

1980s, bible code, descartes, philosophy, savant

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Chapters

3

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CHAPTER THREE

UNLIKELY FRIENDS

 

 

I retrieved Russell’s bike from our secret spot near the blackberry prickers. The bike is silver and has a small transistor radio tied to the back. When I flipped the switch WJLK 94.3 crackled to life with Paul McCartney singing one of my current favorite songs, "Take it Away". It lacks a little John, George and Ringo but it’s a great bike riding song. Static vibrated into the music until the tires hit the smooth macadam of East School Street.

"...may be listening to yaaaaa. Take it away! Take it away! After hours late in the baaaar, by a daaarkened corner seeeeat..." I sang out and popped my front tire up to cross over the sidewalk, navigating to the dirt path to kill my shadow in the long beige weeds of Howe’s field. It was reborn as I cut across the parking lot of Hanson's factory towards the back of Flynn’s Garage located at 479 Livingston Ave. Hank Flynn came around the corner when I entered the side lot. He gave a startled small wave and began talking as I approached, but I yelled, "…hold on, hold on…" and rode past.

Livingston Avenue wasn’t a hotspot of commerce but it had a few locations of note. McGinn’s shop, across from the garage, was the old train station turned dry goods store, one of my three favorite stores to purchase trading cards and candy. Inky’s and the 7-11 were my other two favorites but the 7-11 wasn’t on Livingston. Populating the rest of this section of Livingston were the Yorston’s Savings & Loan, and the closed Soap-N-Spin Laundromat across the street.

The hill towards the old Soap-N-Spin became somewhat steep but Joan Jett urged me on by singing "Crimson & Clover" over and over until I arrived and saw my reflection in the window. I straightened out the hood of my sweat jacket. My hair was blown back and I tried to pull in my protruding lower lip to fit my teenbeat look. Not bad. A little as if Anson Williams (aka Potsy from "Happy Days") was Hispanic and about ten years younger. It was hard to distinguish anything inside because of the reflection but when I pressed my glasses against the window, the veil lifted and a row of modern Easter Island monuments greeted me - mysterious and powerful machines that I had no idea about when or how they’d gotten here. Well, maybe some idea. The unremarkable-hardly-different-from-Pacman Ms.Pacman was right up front, and there was Tempest, Gorf and Centipede, and the last, before the dark made it impossible to read, was a game called Journey. I wished it were open now. Looking at a room of unplugged video games was as disappointing as nudes in National Geographic. Russell would certainly be happy to hear about the posted sign: "Join us for our grand opening October 1st!" I briefly worried about the effects of his financial status and if he’d ever have the money to join me. Would getting there with him be like our always talked about but never done trip to the Pierson mansion? I suppose I could always spot him the quarters.

The railroad signal started chiming just as I turned to ride back down to Flynn’s. I’d always considered it lucky if it went off when I was nearby. I turned and rode closer to the tracks as the long striped arms lowered and the dueling red lights flashed to block traffic. A disappointing nine cars zoomed past. I enjoyed a train at least thirteen cars long or more, but then I’d be happy if every day could have any kind of spectacular train enhancement. The whistles, the rhythm of the wheels, people and product following regular schedules, and the freedom – yes, the potential for freedom that travel offered – were all so attractive.

I coasted down to the open bay door of Flynn’s. Will's head wavered in rhythm to his raised voice as I entered. His back was to me and his hand with the missing fingers shook above his shoulder as he said, "...no way I’m going to be dealt with like some kind of Raggedy Andy."

"If you’d stop sucking down bottles like they were air," Hank retorted.

"Listen, you can’t be throwing folks out of places just because they look like they’ll fight. I hadn’t even started talking to the motherfucker. I hate that racist Speedway, hate it. Don’t know why I go back there. I’m decorated damn it."

"Why don’t you go to that place over on… Hey, hey there Jukebox," Hank said noticing me, patted Will on the arm and shuffled over. "Where’ve you been hiding? We’ve got some serious piles needing your expertise." He put his hand out to welcome me as if I’d been away from home for a long time. It’d only been thirteen days since I visited last. “Whoops, that’s right, no handshaking for Jukebox.”

I avoided touching others as often as possible. "Hello today Hank, and-and-" I started to get stuck in the verbal response. "…and hello. Today you are sixty-three years and thirty-five days old or twenty-three thousand and fifty-five days old or-"

"Or he’s so old he knew Mr. Clean when he had an afro."

"Okay-okay, and-and I’ll accept that, Will, thank you," I responded, a little nervous from the anger I sensed Will still was trying to suppress.

If my skin could be considered an integer of say two, a coffee-with-extra-cream brown, Will’s would be a Hershey bar eight or nine. At six feet one inch tall he looked a little like the boxing champ Cassius Clay aka Muhammad Ali and I often wondered if their resemblance was why he spent so many hours at the gym and in the ring when he wasn’t working. The mathematical equation I generated to represent our relationship was a balanced one, so I wasn’t that scared of him although at times he's given me reason to be. On many occasions, he shared his "hellhole" Nam experiences, which implied he saw me as a friend since mostly he didn’t want to talk about Vietnam. Two fingers on Will's left hand had been shot off but he could still do everything with it, even play guitar, though not anywhere near as good as Jimi Hendrix who he tried to mimic. When Will played, his eyes opened so wide and looked so bright you wondered if they glowed in the dark.

"You just missed Mi. She went to get us something to eat, probably got plenty if you want to join us."

"No thank you, Will. I will have to… eat something my aunt has prepared."

"Oh hey, listen to this. I got this one just for you. Yo aunt’s sooooo fat she’s thirty-six twenty-four thirty-six!" Will laughed, showing me his wrist, "but that’s her forearm neck and thigh!" and he pointed at me with his mouth open and continued laughing.

I stared in horror at the eleven scars on his arm while he laughed. They unnerved me each time I looked at them.

"There’s no way you’re my son. Anyone related to me would know laughing that hard at your own jokes is in poor taste," Hank said and shook his head.

"Does that mean uh, inches or uh, feet?" I asked Will seriously. Both Hank and Will stopped to think about my question and simultaneously burst out laughing.

"There you go, Juke. There you go. Hey so, you been warned, you know how Mi can be when she wants you to eat. She’ll be back anytime now," Will lit a cigarette and took a long drag.

Hank liked to say, "This ole gal has emphysema", when he talked about the garage and you could see what he meant with a quick glance around, stained yellow and smeared with oil. I felt tough standing amongst it all. There’s nothing like the great smell of the garage. Cigarettes, oil and gasoline. Both Hank and Will smoked Pall Mall’s and it surprised me that they hadn’t burnt the place down with how careless they were leaving lit cigarettes about.

The garage consisted of two bays with one for cars and the other for tools, but the whole place really acted as a big theater. The garage doors were always up when they were open for business and when Will raised them in the mornings, he liked to say things like "Let the show begin!" or "Introducing the glorious and world famous, Noooorth Baaah-runswick!" There’s a stoplight a block down the street and the cars and people on the street who’d stop for it were frequently the entertainment or fodder for commentary. Sometimes it seemed a never-ending battle for who could outwit the other, one wisecrack after the next until exhaustion supervened or a customer stopped in.

"Come on over here," Hank said, waving me along with him to where they kept the boxes of small parts. "We’ve got so many piles, it's getting out of hand. When would you like to make a little extra cash if not today?" Hank lifted the cooler open and pulled two bottles of Pabst Blue Ribbon for us from the frosty fog, cracking off the caps with the opener he’d nailed to the counter.

"Thank you," I said, incredibly happy about Hank’s lack of compunction over giving me beer. I took a big gulp and squeezed the remaining bitter fluid quickly down my throat. I sized up the bottle questioning a second swig but decided I’d been waiting too long for a Pabst Blue Ribbon not to drink it now. The next big gulp forced me to belch.

"Hey what’d I tell you about that?" Will shouted over.

"Excuse me for the one burp."

"No not you Juke, that old fool giving kids beer."

"Didn’t hurt you growing up did it? No wait, scratch that, here Jukebox give me that back," Hank said jokingly reaching for my bottle.

I raised it towards him but he waved at me to forget it.

"So dumb he’d take the Pepsi challenge and choose Jif," Will muttered under his breath.

"I heard that, bonehead," Hank said to Will and looked at me. "So when you want to come by and give us a hand?"

As great as Pabst Blue Ribbon was, I’d decided all beer tasted like a bathroom attendant’s sweat sock. The aftertaste in my mouth stewed but I took another swig, belched again and said, "I could come over uh, after school, 3:40 on Wuh-"

"Did you ask Mom about that Abel?" My cousin Shelly stood in the open bay giving us all a shock.

I looked to Hank, to Will and then back to Shelly. "I-I just got here-“

"I know you didn’t ask about coming here or about that beer you’re burpin’ over and if you don’t want me saying anything you’ll come with me, now."

"Hey it’s not nice blackmailing your little brother," Hank said.

"He’s not my brother and who asked you?"

"Whaaho, listen to little Miss thing," Will added.

Shelly put her hands on her hips. "Let’s go or we’ll miss the beginning."

I handed Hank the rest of my beer. "Thank you and I’ll see you Wednesday."

"Alright but don’t let her get you into trouble now."

"Okay-okay Hank." I followed Shelly to her orange Chevy Impala parked up the street.

Hank branded Shelly a troublemaker because earlier that summer when Pigpie sent her looking for me, a box of Chiclets went missing at the station. He said he knew he’d left them on the counter and when she left they weren’t there anymore. He said any woman that’d steal a man’s Chiclets "couldn't be trusted for anything." Hank loved his Chiclets. It was the only brand of gum he’d chew. I liked them too but mainly because they were candy-coated rectangles that reminded me of teeth.

I reluctantly slid onto the black leather front seat of Shelly’s car, moving my satchel into my lap and clicking my seatbelt around my waist. The day was starting to feel more complicated than I’d prefer and my mind raced for an excuse to get back out.

"You should be thanking me. I’m about to do you a big favor. Plus you shouldn’t really be hanging out with those filthy grease monkeys drinking beer. Don't you have any friends your age?" Shelly pushed the cassette tape into the player and turned up the volume.

"I uh, I forgot about Russell’s bike," I said partly to remind her about Russell being my friend.

Shelly had moved back to North Brunswick with Pigpie a year and a half ago. They’d been living in Washington State in another small town called Kelso, zip code 98626. According to Shelly, post-May 18, 1980 there were no tears shed when the police reported her father dead. He wasn’t among the fifty-seven official deaths from the eruption of Mount St. Helens but was crushed in an ash related accident on Interstate 5. Apparently, they amassed enough capital from his life insurance to do anything Pigpie wanted and she decided to traverse the continent to her hometown, back to dreary North Brunswick.

It is Bud and Mount St. Helens I actually blame for my misfortunes.

Shelly taught me a lot about lying. She explained how the stink in her father’s car was from “too many cigarettes.” Cigarettes smell one way, but when she turned on the air conditioner, this kind of ash scent was like nothing else. Though I must say it’s hard to smell anything over her new air freshener.

With her window down she ground the gears, shifting into second and began, "I was just driving around so pissed because they went to see this movie and Tina tells me she takes the guy Mike from the movie who she says is like one of John Travolta’s friends in Grease, and Stacy says she always liked surfers and took some guy Spicoli, and they ask who I’d take because I said I’d seen it Friday. They are such highpitch bitches because I could tell it was all about rubbing in the fact that they’d gone out without me because they’re jealous because I have Tommy." She lovingly touched the cherry air freshener that hung from the mirror.

"I said it wouldn’t be right for me to pick someone when I had Tommy but they said it was just a game and asked if I’d go for Rat or the science teacher guy. I said no way to Rat and if I had to choose I’d go for the science teacher even though he was old. I guessed about him being old because he’s a teacher but they just laughed anyway and said yeah right and I told them I like what I like and they laughed even harder. I told them that Paul Newman’s old and we all said he was hot when we saw Fort Apache, The Bronx. I hate them. So now I have to go see it before we get to school tomorrow and since Tommy won’t, I saw you in there and thought you can go."

Shelly took the shortcut past the Pierson mansion.

"Russell’s bike. I have to leave it in our spot."

She screeched to a stop at the side of the road. "Shall I let you out here or do you want to forget about the bike already. You’re going to the movies for free, my God, can’t you even thank me."

I looked at the boarded windows of the mansion and back at Shelly’s anger-squinted eyelids. "I always put it ba-"

"Out!”

“I always-,” I started again.

“Goddamn it, we’re going to be late. It’s safe with your greasy friends.” She squealed the wheels and sped away from the curb. “Oooh this is my favorite song,” she started singing along, “so free so right…" and banged to the beat in the air. I was now at Shelly's mercy so I pulled my journal out and wrote down a few conversation calculations from the garage. With the windows down and the warm late day air, I could almost imagine the school year hadn't yet begun.

 

Shelly stopped us before we got to the booth. With Pigpie for a mother, Shelly would need many years of private polishing school to make her anything close to cultured. She flipped her long feathered brown hair to make it wing and fluff out, pulled her white shirt collar up straight, flipped her hair again so it’d be outside her collar and breathing out said, "Okay I pretty much know this girl. She said hi to Tina once when I was with her I'm pretty sure but don’t mention that or anything because I’m gonna act like I never saw her before unless she says something. Play it cool and don’t ask her any of your dumb questions." She smoothed out the fabric on her boobs just before we got to the window.

On the marquee, it read An Officer and a Gentleman rated R, The Beastmaster rated PG and Fast Times At Ridgemont High with a lowercase r next to it. Shelly looked tough and could usually get what she wanted through intimidation.

Shelly pushed the fee under the glass and said, "Two for Fast Times.” The girl looked over at me and before she could say anything Shelly added, “He only looks young. What person under seventeen can quote Shakespeare?" Shelly looked at me pleadingly. I wasn’t sure if her eyes said: "don't dare say something dumb like you're only twelve" or "goddamn it, give a quote right now".

The ticket girl looked questioningly at me and I said, "Act one scene four. King Lear. Have more than thou showest, Speak less than thou knowest, Lend less than thou owest, Ride more than thou goest, Learn more than thou trowest, Set less than thou throwest; Leave thy drink and thy whore, And keep in-a-door, And thou shalt have more Than two tens to a score." Judging by her face, I'd impressed her.

I still felt nervous when Shelley gave our tickets to the old man who ripped them and let us through. The darkness of the crowded theater helped ease my discomfort, and as we found our seats Shelly harped, "I know she knows me, bitch didn’t even ask how I’d been. God, did you have to say whore? You’re lucky you’re not waiting in the car." She started applying lip-gloss as the previews began.

The theater delivered an aroma somewhat like the geriatric section of the hospital I visited Mom at in Missouri: piss, ammonia, and stale popcorn. I didn’t have to worry about anyone’s head being in my way so I didn’t care about the smell. I’d only ever been to two other movies in a theater. Uncle Ev took me to see Oh God!, and also my first, Logan’s Run.

Shelly grew incredibly restless after the scene where Mr. Vargas, the science teacher, who had a tiny chance of being a hideous distant cousin to Paul Newman, showed up. After Vargas commented about switching to Sanka she leaned over and asked me if I wanted to leave. Unless Descartes' remains were in a parade outside, nothing could pry me from my seat when I’d gotten this far through the movie. Shelly twitched, sighed, and cracked her knuckles until the ending credits started. I wanted to applaud and stay to read them all but Shelly got up. She marched out of the theater with her arms crossed until she snatched her keys from her pocket to open the car door.

 

The livid steam rising from Shelly's head flowed out the cracked window as we drove. She stayed silent until we arrived home.

"Just let me do the talking," she demanded before we got out.

My watch steadily ticked to 7:04:57 p.m but I didn’t need a watch to know the sunlight had gone. I doubted Shelly mentioned the movie or my going with her. What was I thinking? The thrill I'd felt about seeing an R rated movie quickly left me when I thought of what I faced. The yellow light emanating from the front porch said caution proceed with care so we snuck in through the back. I left my stained sneakers by the laundry machine. The combined smell of Tide and fried chicken filled my mouth with saliva as we walked into the house. I was starving. Edith Bunker's voice rang out from the TV in the other room.

"Hi Mom, I’m home. God, your chicken smells great. When’s dinner going to be ready?" Shelly said playing it cool.

"It was ready two hours ago," Pigpie shouted.

"Oh really? I thought when I left this morning you said we'd eat late tonight?" Shelly continued her unassuming air with great aplomb.

"Now why the hairy hell would I say that? You lie as bad as your father did. Have you seen Abel? He knows he’s supposed to be in by now. Kid can't even read a watch."

"He’s right here with me."

That got her up off the couch and into the kitchen holding her Pringles can. Shelly stood as tall as Pigpie but Shelly’s frame had nothing on Pigpie’s girth.

"Where were you?" she asked, hands planted on her hips.

The answer stuck in my throat.

"I took him to the movies. He never gets to go anywhere and I thought it'd be nice for him."

"The movies, on a Sunday night?" She turned to me "Irregardless of her being nice, you know damn well you’ve got school tomorrow."

I nodded as apologetically as I could and squeezed my satchel tightly in response to the torment her superfluous prefix addition to the word regardless, caused me.

"Shelly, no TV, go to your room and think about the time I wasted cooking your dinner. Abel sit down. There, sit at that chair."

I did as told and she slammed the Pringles next to me.

"But I’m hungry," Shelly whined.

"You’re hungry huh? Okay, okay." Pigpie flung open the refrigerator and took out a lump wrapped in tinfoil. She grabbed a paper plate from the pile on the counter, unwrapped the contents of the tinfoil, dropped it on the plate, and shoved it at Shelly. "Take it and move before I move you!"

"But it’s just the dirty leftover bones." Shelly griped holding the plate as far from her as she could.

"Dirty bones!" Pigpie swelled until she burst. "You think if Carl were alive you'd get away with… You want my sweat? That was dinner!" She smashed the plate to the floor. Shelly ran up the stairs.

I pulled my satchel close to my chest. Pigpie walked over towards the counter by the backdoor and picked up pieces of something. She slammed three sections of the chewed margarine bowl on the table knocking over the Pringles but no chips came out of the tall cylinder.

"What did I tell you about cleaning up that backyard? Next time you’ll come get me before you run off [slapping her thigh] and I’ll inspect and if I find any sign of any kind of crap like this crap [slap]" She swept the chewed bowl pieces onto my chest. "That mutt will be dragging itself around by its front legs because the back ones will be broke. And I even told you. [slap] I said Father Mullens was coming and you embarrass me? I covered for you and for our not going to church this morning but don’t blame me if they come and take you away.” Laughter came from the TV in the other room. She grabbed the Pringles can and started walking towards the TV. “I mean, I could tell he thought I wasn’t doing right by you when he said you were a sign of God’s grace." She halted at the doorway. "Father's trying to make me appreciate you and I even agreed to his bullcrap. You might know stuff but it ain't like you have God's phone number, and I am so nice to you." She turned, walked to my chair, and huffed, glaring at me with something else on her mind." He wanted another freebie but I talked him into going fifty-fifty and I was going to give you some of whatever we made but now you’ll just do it to pay me back for all I do." She kicked at my chair by her feet. "Do you hear me?"

People on the northern border of Russia and China heard her. She never mentioned anything about Father Mullens coming by and it pleased me that I’d missed the smarmy leech but I needed to prove I’d heard her to calm things down.

"Do you hear me?"

"You said-you said, ‘what did I tell you about cleaning up that backyard. Next time you’ll come get me before you run off and I’ll inspect and-‘."

"Oh it's gonna be cute huh? You’re home after sunset, embarrass me, I cook you dinner and-" She grabbed the used tinfoil from the counter. Her piggish huffing talk came full blast. The moisture in her mouth could fill a small fish tank. "For Christ you’ll learn, you can eat the rest. Chew it." She threw the tinfoil at me.

She’d made me do this once before, causing me to vomit, so this time I balled the tinfoil. I put it towards my lips and showed her that it wouldn’t fit in my mouth. She grabbed the ball from me, unraveled it, letting some of the chicken fat drip to the linoleum, ripped off a piece of foil, and shoved it at my mouth.

"Open!" she yelled, and when I did she shoved it in. "Now chew."

I have five silver amalgam fillings in my mouth, lousy thin tooth enamel to match my lousy lip genetics. If you’ve ever rubbed a fork or any metal object against your fillings you’d have a clue what it felt like to chew on Pigpie’s greasy chicken tinfoil. It’s a sensory experience akin to maybe licking a battery. Tears started to fill the edges of my eyes and my gag reflex began.

"Don’t start that bullshit. Don’t you start." She backed up from me and the audience laughter on the TV caught her attention. "Get your ass upstairs before I really lose my shit." She put the rest of the foil on the counter, and started shaking her Pringles can a little to see what remained. She walked away and I ran up the stairs, spitting the foil into my hand on the way, chanting A-hole A-hole A-hole in my head.

 

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HarperCollins Wrote

This novel depicts the life of a teen autistic savant both interestingly and lyrically. It takes on the topic of the brilliant-minded yet socially awkward child in the vein of such novels as The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night Time.

Abel Velasco’s sharp and particular mind shepherds the reader to see – and wonder at – the world and human evolution through a lens of mathematical calculation and invention. As a result we also witness the challenge Abel faces when some aspects of human life are incalculable and irreducible to formulae or algorithms. Abel’s sense of beauty found by bringing natural order to chaos is not always possible. His own domestic situation is an example of this, having had to randomly hop from home to home his whole life, and now that he is ‘settled’ with Pigpie, still not knowing what to expect from one moment to the next.

The accomplished, incisive and original writing in this novel goes a long way to helping Abel’s experience pulse and resonate with the reader. Abel may be a genius, but his curiosity and behaviour still retain innocent and naive qualities and his wading through the everyday debris and confusion is universal. The dialogue is well-written and the characters are well-crafted and for the most part well-rounded. I understand that Pigpie is meant to be deplorable, but I think she does come across as two-dimensional at points. There are slight hints at a possibility of a more pleasant side, but I still think there needs to be a few more, maybe a suggestion of a back story that has made her become such a villain. I really like the idea of Abel trying to connect and makes sense of the world through a motley of characters outside his family home. This aspect and Abel’s idiosyncratic perceptions reminded me of the novel Lullabies for Little Criminals where a young child connects with people in her neighbourhood as a result of her underprivileged family life.

The historical and pop-cultural references help create the atmosphere of the period. They provide a sense of how the contemporary iconic, technological and consumerist culture has evolved. It may be a stretch on my part, but I believe this novel is both celebrating and lamenting mathematical and technological innovation, especially with such stark images as the dysmorphic Six Million Dollar Man. And whether it intentionally attempts this or not it provides an apt and thought-provoking backdrop to Abel’s own investigations.

One criticism I would make is that some Abel’s articulation of facts can sometimes – key word: sometimes – drag on a bit. This could possibly be addressed by recasting some of his facts and calculations in ways that reflect his reading of the unordered human world around him. There are some great examples of this at the beginning and towards the end of the novel, such as when he visits his mother and the incident with Shelly and Pigpie at home. This could draw out a bit more of the emotional and human element of the narrative.

I really enjoyed this novel and believe the narrative voice, writing and characterisation are highly developed. I wanted to pull out some of my favourite lines, but there were way too many. This novel is at quite a polished stage already, and with a few minor tweaks and some minor structural work I could see this having a great chance at being published.

zan wrote 1224 days ago

A Calculated Embellishment
Bradley Wind

Bradley,
We backed each other’s books months ago I think, and I’ve had yours on my WL since, unread. The guilt was taking over so I finally decided to offload it.... Apologies for the undue delay.

I read the first five chapters and was happy to have done so. I read your pitch long ago which led me to back your book then, and I must say your short pitch stuck with me – “Abel Velasco counts the number of times his aunt hits him. Abel counts many things. He can’t help it – he’s a savant.” I must have met a few of these before because I see a few people in Abel – rare really, and this pitch made me think of them, making that personal connection between my own experiences of these rare people, and your book.

To start with just a minor bit of constructive criticism, in the third line of ch 1 I would remove the word “for” after the word “worthy” as it reads a bit odd and since these are your opening lines, I thought it best to tell you in case it feels odd to other more important people reading – I see you are at No.6 in the ranks, so do get another opinion. Also, at the end of ch 2 – last line, last word – you need a full stop after the word punishment which ends the last sentence. Minor, but given your rank I am sure you must be in the process of doing final edits.

I thought ch 1 was a good opening chapter. We are introduced to your narrator, a 12 year old boy whose hero is Descartes. I must admit, this impressed me a lot. Ordinarily, he might be viewed as a “nerd”, because he obviously has a high IQ and reads constantly. I found his thoughts and reasoning about intellectual matters quite stimulating. Yet, you managed to maintain the innocence of boyhood/childhood in him and make him appear just like any other 12 year old, despite his “talent/gift”. His concern for the dog, Mr. Scratch, and then his friend Russell who had a “propensity for producing spittle” appearing on the scene all made him and his life appear normal. The tone here is light, child-like, and I was happy to see you beginning to characterize him as having an inquisitive mind.
In ch 2 Abel’s responsibility for keeping the lawn and cleaning the back yard tidy are presented as excuses for Pigpie to scold him. For a brief moment it reminded me of the fabled days of Huck Finn and Tom Sawyer, with the fence painting and so on. In this chapter we see Pigpie slapping Abel mercilessly, with the potential to reach from his thighs to his head. On the one hand, he is being terribly abused. His domestic situation leaves a lot to be desired, but then he has his books and his heroes and his mind to retreat into where he can enjoy another world – the world of Descartes for instance with his “I think therefore I am” philosophy and Abel’s fascination with such ideas. This too was a well written chapter which suitably developed your plot.
Ch 3 was a real treat. The references to the songs by Joan Jett, the Beatles, and reference to Anson Williams from Happy Days took me so many years back. And I don’t remember the last time I saw or heard the word “pacman”! “Raggedy Andy” was a good substitute for that name we all remember so well, and again you took me back to the days of the jukebox ; Mohammed Ali; chiclets; the old movies such as an Officer and a Gentleman, Fast Times and Ridgemont High and so on. I enjoyed going back in time here. In this chapter too, we meet Shelly so again, your plot is being well developed and we are beginning to appreciate the relationships between your characters. I think you really captured the period here – a record of history in many ways for which you are to be commended. By this time, the savant in Abel really shows – how he can tell age and date down to years, days, minutes etc., his ability to recall minute details and so on, on so many topics were flabbergasting. Yet, Abel is credible. In this chapter you end with Pigpie shoving a balled piece of tinfoil into his mouth and ordering him to chew it. Again, showing the horror of his domestic life at such a young age, and I wondered here how this would affect him in later life.
Ch 4 opens with his thoughts on mathematics – that without it progress would halt and society would collapse. Again we see the savant in him in this chapter. I liked the classroom scene and meeting Dr. Limone who had the “short man’s belief that arrogance could make up for stature”. I thought there was a good ending to this with the “fag tag” incident and the observation of Abel of the good example of libraries being security against ignorance.
Ch 5 opens with Russell and Abel meeting, the tree, the binoculars, the shield of pine trees – here you recreate the sense of adventure that’s often a part of childhood and growing up and again I enjoyed this chapter. Russell might be leading Abel astray, as some of our many “good “friends of childhood have often done (!) but Abel doesn’t mind because he knows that the two library books he’d checked out wouldn’t last all night. The bicycle ride, the creek, the Pierson mansion where legend had it that a father killed himself and his family – all of this was quite interesting and sustained my interest.. And then the end of the chapter closing with Russell asking him to keep his secret and the “calculations” “blocking” Abel for the moment. And here I was convinced that the title of this piece “A Calculated Embellishment” is simply perfect.

Bradley, I thought this was well written, interesting, intelligent and exciting. I found it rich in atmosphere, language, details about so much which might be a recollection for some, and a leaqrning experience for others. The narrative voice is appropriate to establishing and maintaing credibility of your MC because this feels like a personal communication to me, and I suspect to any and everyone who reads this book. You dramatically describe his experiences of abuse and the anguish which goes with that, but you balance that darkness with his search for light, or perhaps his recognition that there is light within him through knowledge, and I think in his natural ability which he has discovered in himself. I think people of every age, young and old, will benefit from reading this piece. I wish I had time to read your full upload. I don’t right now but you can be sure I will come back to it.

On my shelf for another spin, and wishing you every success with this Bradley.
Zan

Niobrara Kardnova wrote 1282 days ago

Bradley,
A Calculated Embellishment is a fascinating story. I once watched a biopic on the "Real Rain Man," Kim Peek, and much of your dialog and descriptions remind me of him--Abel's casually announcing the number of taste buds on a human tongue or dropping minutiae about Robert Fitzsimmons, the lightest heavyweight champion, are fine examples. At other times, Abel was quite different than Kim. For example, I can imagine Kim fixating on the qualities of Pabst Blue Ribbon, his favorite beer, but I imagine he would tell numerous offbeat jokes about Pabst and recount the history of that particular brewery rather than damning and spewing forth details of the rival Budweiser company. Abel is also much more world wise and calculating than Kim--perhaps that played into your choice of title. Anyway, the more I thought about it, the more convinced I became that Abel could be an alternative Kim due to his dysfunctional upbringing. After all, I believe Kim was, and perhaps is still being, raised by a very patient and protective father in Utah. If he'd shared Abel's hard early life, his "savant talents," as you call them, may well have been twisted in this different direction. Whatever the case in reality, the characters in your book are captivating and believable, the plot you describe intriguing. Glad that I read this one and happy to shelve it.
Niobrara Kardnova (The Trouble with Wives)

Ancient Reader wrote 1318 days ago

Dear Bradley,

Wow! What a premise! It's amazing to me that you, a young man who appears to be essentially "normal" himself, can get inside of an autistic savant's intriguingly skewed mind and let us view and live the results with him!

I have read The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night and I Was Born on a Blue Day and thus have negotiated this kind of material before, and I can say without hesitation that you do it very well.

You do a great job of portraying a unigue mind--sounds conjuring up visions first and later sounds creating numbers and the need for calculations. I love the idea that an expanse of lawn is scary to him and numbers start crowding the fringes of his vision unless he can find a distraction, like his favorite--something deposited by a dog.

I found the description offered by Abel for the difference between Russell and him breathtaking in it's perfection.

I love this line: "He falls into Ali Baba level greatness for philosophical larceny."

And this one: " . . .navigating to the dirt path to kill my shadow . . ."

His response to certain words like Infinity seems exactly right for the autistic savant. I have no idea how you have managed to do this, but it's close to phenomenal.

Some more amazing sentences: "Arrogance stands out like nose-relish on a face . . . "

And " . . . and let the Dewey decimal system usher me to the Art section where the big books lived tortured lives on cramped shelves."

And "sitting dorks"

Quite a masterful blending of the throes of puberty from an autistic savant's point of view.

A couple of things presented themselves as needful of changing . As a few of your readers mentioned, they were unable to figure out who was the narrator and at what age. Because of his esoteric knowledge at an early age -- the seven languages he spoke while a young child, for example, it's not always easy to know how old he is and if Abel is referring to current events in his life or not.

Because of this, some tightening needs to be done. Possibly a short Preamble or Introduction or Beginning Word, given by a professional to introduce--very briefly--what the point of view is, would help with clarity so a reader wouldn't founder.

At one point in Chapter six, you switch viewpoints to Russell's. This is confusing, especially later when it's Abel who's waking up with strange faces hovering over him, and the reader is unsure about just who is waking up.

When Will comes and the white couple are so afraid of him, it wasn't clear to me that Will looked any different than usual, until later. I didn't think that looks were very important to Abel and it began to seem that this might turn into something a bit racist.

One sentence bothered me because I couldn't figure out the referrent for the pronoun. It stopped the flow for me while I tried to figure out what was going on. Unfortunately, I loved the sentence; I just couldn't figure it out.

It was in chapter six, "As shadows enveloped me, it's low triumphant howl worked on my spine . . . " Whose howl? I couldn't figure it out.

This is worthy of shelving and I am doing that. I believe that there is a place for this book in today's reading public and it should find a publisher willing to take it on.

Louise Galvin wrote 1367 days ago

This is like a collage that you instinctively know that you love, that petitions your heart and eye, that on some level you know that you understand, but you have to stand in front of it for a long time, alternately frowning and smiling, before you can quite fathom out why.

Your narrator colours a world that is vibrant. You place words with a painter’s application. You express the inscrutable so eloquently. There is something gorgeously oblique and enigmatic about this.

There are elements of this, small observations, that are truly joyous and that made me grin inanely. I inhale my dog too. He smells of innocence and I love him for it.

This is probably the most original writing that I’ve yet read on this site. I could get quite gushy over it, Bradley. Along with Freddie, you’re going to be residing on my shelf for a long while, because I want to read this properly and slowly – not as an Authonomite, looking for nitpicks and something smart to say – but as a fan, reading something joyous and worthwhile that demands to be savoured.

made wrote 223 days ago

Loved it

Debbie Samson wrote 820 days ago

I found the first 9 chapters fascinating and would love to read the remainder of the book!! How do I get the rest of the book??
The author really captivates the soul of a young adolescent while sharing the mind of a savant living in a challenging environment!
Hopefully this book will be seen soon on the shelves of Barnes and Noble!

billy.mcbride wrote 851 days ago

Dear Bradley,

Thank you for helping me to appreciate your novel with its interesting characters. I especially liked all of the memorable facts and goods you write about. Hubba Bubba is my favorite gum, well and Fruit Stripe too.

Have a nice day,

Billy McBride
P.S. If you read any of my books first I hope that you choose How to Win the Lotto. Thanks.

ClaireLouise wrote 904 days ago

Clever, original and very well observed. I also love the title and pitch.One of the best I have read on here so far. Best of luck, Claire

SusieGulick wrote 924 days ago

Dear Bradley, I love that your pitch told about savant syndrome, which I had never heard of, but I love to count everything :) - when I was going to college, I would count how many steps to my classroom & later, how many steps to the library :) - I'm totally fascinated & will have to put it in my search engine if I ever have time :) - I wrote it in my date book at the top of my page. :) I also could climb our Chinaberry tree & the neighbor's maple tree higher than anyone in the neighborhood, which I tell this in my memoirs book. :) You can tell that you triggered a lot of memories, huh? :) I read through chapter 9 & loved all of the adventure of your story. :) I have read, commented on, & put your book on my watchlist to back when space opens on my bookshelf. :) I have also ****** 'd your book :) - could you please ****** & back my memoirs book in return? Thank you from the bottom of my heart. :) Love, Susie :) p.s. every ****** -ing & backing moves our books closer to the editor's desk :)

SusieGulick wrote 925 days ago

:) comment to follow after I've read your book - read & commented on 17 hours later :)

HanyHash wrote 943 days ago

Bradley, I found 'A Calculated Embellishment' a wonderful read. I'm not good at reviewing a book from the eye of an expert - so about how the book make me feel. Your book, I found, a writing and a writer, sensitive with a wonderous sense of the written words, which kept me enthralled and wanting to read on and on. It is a quiet read which me, in a state of reflection after - thinking whether there is a little of Abel in each of us? Whether we are as complete in our honesty about ourselves and our lives? Sometimes, the Abels of the world are better humans than the so called 'normal' people. Thank you Bradley for placing your book here. I loved it. Hanyxxx

Sharon.v.o. wrote 980 days ago

Bradly,
What an incredible book. I really enjoyed reading it. Not be a book review, and certainly not able to offer more than what you already have been told, will simply say let me know when you get your book deal. I will be first in line to buy a copy.
Best regards,
Sharon Van Orman
Eve, an Eden's Exiles novel

Jaye Hill wrote 1000 days ago

So many delights in this that its difficult to pick, brilliantly concise evocation of character (Phil in his ironed designer Jeans), the esoteric bits of information introducing the chapters, the acute observation and the aphorisms (if that is the word: libraries are security against ignorance), believable dialogue. Will back Jaye Hill The Fantasy Trip and Runa Seven

elf_friend wrote 1005 days ago

Hiya,

I remember having a brief look through this a while back and not having time to comment. I enjoyed it just as much the second time and it appears there have been a few edits since then. There's not much I can say since you've heard back from HC - congratulations on making the ED and on the great review.

The start was very compelling - we get an insight into the narrator's thoughts, his surroundings, and a good idea of what his voice will be like.

There seem to be a handful of typos lurking around: Ch. 4 'Flynn's' should probably be 'Flynns', and 'full reign' should be 'full rein' (or 'free rein'). Ch. 6 'When were your born' - 'When were you born'. Ch. 7 'free reign' - 'free rein'.

One aspect of your writing that I particularly enjoyed was the portrayal of the characters. I actually liked the fact that Pigpie might seem two dimensional because it emphasises the fact that we're seeing everything through Abel's eyes, and however observant he is of the people around him, he's not a completely objective narrator. I was also impressed with the way in which you built up the world around Abel and include backstory while maintaining his voice.

I'm sorry I wasn't able to comment sooner, or to give this a backing when you were trying to make the ED.

All the best,
elf_friend

James Apologist wrote 1016 days ago

I am interested in your book and am putting it on my watchlist. I will be reading parts of it as soon as I can. In that it is related to the Bible, it perhaps bears some similarity to my own book, which, if you are a Christian, potential Christian, or a thoughtful and objective skeptic in this regard, you might enjoy. Its title is "Things Are Not as They Seem."

Vanessa Darnleigh wrote 1078 days ago

I can't do any better than the comments that appear below...quite an accolade for the rest of us who aspire to reaching the Ed's desk...great stuff...by the way, how does one go about getting a cover designed by you (?)
Best wishes
Stewart

Elizabeth Wolfe wrote 1121 days ago

Dear Bradley,
I understand that you do covers for many of the titles on this site. I am looking for help with the cover for my book, Memories of Glory. Can you help me?
Sincerely,
Elizabeth Marcus Wolfe

A. Zoomer wrote 1125 days ago

You are my kind of writer. This is what I read for Descartes is a A-hole.
Will you take a look at Going Out in Style and let me know what YOU think.
Thx,
A zoomer- a boomer with zip

Pete M wrote 1132 days ago

superb review, Bradley.

CraigD wrote 1139 days ago

Hi Bradley. Congratulations on climbing up onto the desk. I’ve read through the first chapter of your manuscript, and I see its appeal: the writing is witty and tight, and the characters engaging. I backed you even though it's a moot point.
Please consider looking at my manuscript, “The Job: Based on a True Story (I mean, this is bound to have happened somewhere)” – I hope you’ll find it something fresh and different in the religion genre. I’d certainly appreciate your support, but only if you think it has merit.
Thanks,
Craig Davis
http://www.authonomy.com/ViewBook.aspx?bookid=19440

CraigD wrote 1139 days ago

Hi Bradley. Congratulations on climbing up onto the desk. I’ve read through the first chapter of your manuscript, and I see its appeal: the writing is witty and tight, and the characters engaging. I backed you even though it's a moot point.
Please consider looking at my manuscript, “The Job: Based on a True Story (I mean, this is bound to have happened somewhere)” – I hope you’ll find it something fresh and different in the religion genre. I’d certainly appreciate your support, but only if you think it has merit.
Thanks,
Craig Davis
http://www.authonomy.com/ViewBook.aspx?bookid=19440

Lara wrote 1146 days ago

Ch 8. Still convincving me. Great. I don't quite know how you achieve it = perhaps by having the reader so totally in the skin of the narrator - but the fairly anti social behaviour of the kids still manages to suggest that they'll progress to being decent human beings one day. It's so real, that's what makes it funnier and a page turner. I could really see this on TV and personally hope it goes that way.

All the best,

Rosalind
Good for Him

Lara wrote 1147 days ago

Hi, I'm drawn to this because you write about the same sort of characters and issues as I do, although your style is totally different. I love it and would take it eagerly off any library shelf.

Good Wishes

Rosalind (Lara)

Good for Him

Gunslinger wrote 1165 days ago

Hey, Bradley--
Just had to write something here, since you had 666 comments. Couldn't have any bad mojo lurking around your work, my friend. Congratulations, by the way!
--Dan

Sumarus wrote 1167 days ago

Bradley, I apologise for not replying sooner, but congratulations in making the editors desk, I hope it's constructive.

From what I have managed to read your writing is descriptive, imaginative, realistic and flows well. You have a good story and I struggle to fault the narration or the writing.

All the best with it.

Bobby
Dented Sensation

cheimpo17 wrote 1172 days ago

Hi Bradley,

I finally got around to reading this and all I can say is WOW! Loved everything I read. No wonder you got onto the Ed's desk. Hope someone picks it up. Definitely one of my favs.

Tracy

Snpdrgon wrote 1173 days ago

Congratulations! That star is so pretty.... LOL

I tweaked my cover a bit. I hope it's ok!

Lisa~
Brewer House

DWL wrote 1174 days ago

I read this a while ago but am just now getting around to backing books, and this was the one book that stayed with me. The voice is captivating, the writing fluid. Very much enjoyed it, and I predict that this will be one of the books that people find stays on their minds for long after they read it.

SueAnn Jackson Land wrote 1177 days ago

Bradley,
Where you have written “Last May 19th, 1981...” you captured cascading thought perfectly. I have a fascination with schizophrenia and the research I’ve done to understand it entailed talking with people having those cascading thoughts. They seem to be fixated on the object/subject of which they are speaking and the thoughts attach to it, not to communication or social interaction.

Abel is a very polite boy. Emphasizing that a heavyset person could not fit down the path... my initial reaction was to say, “don’t avoid the word fat”...but the more I read his thoughts, I realized he is not a crass individual. He is observant and almost reverent in his observance.

Russell reminds me of an oaf. Like Harry Potter’s gentle giant or Steinbeck’s Lennie... I wonder what his heart will reveal and how the two will fend for one another in a very cynical and cold world.

You remind me of Roald Dahl in your characterization of the adults. Pigpie and Spyker... my comparison is to tell you that your writing has the echoes of literature. The era you are writing about, too... John Boy Walton. When I was a child, my pretend time was at my electric typewriter at my bedroom window, the narrator speaking kindly and inventing a 1930’s family in the late 70's. Abel is strangely comforting to me.

Now I understand the contempt for adults. Pigpie is befitting for this woman. The avoidance of the slap is perfectly written...I know that.

I genuinely appreciate the laugh out loud writing – when Abel quotes Shakespeare to get into Fast Times at Ridgemont High I think my next door neighbour heard me laughing. The humour is good – it will cushion the thigh slapping reality.

Ok... I have to admit that I *love* the idea of Pigpie using “irregardless”... priceless!

Dolly broke our schnauzer’s hip when she threw Penny down the basement. We had to put her down because even with surgery the vet said she would never walk right again. If Abel survives and doesn’t become a serial killer I’ll be in the front row cheering. Enough for now...more later... this comment is too long already!

BACKED - not in payment, in reverence.
SueAnn (The Truth About Whales)

evwalker wrote 1179 days ago

Bradley,
Congratulations on making the ED. This book certainly deserves it. It's very well-written; I like how you show in chapter two how his obsession with numbers and the large amount of facts he has memorized affect how he thinks. Great job!
-Libby

gerry01 wrote 1181 days ago

Hi Brad, I had the quick look of your book. I'm doing the rounds at the moment. However, I am keeping a note of the better ones to return to and yours is worth another look. I hope the editors are kind to you and offer you a deal. I'd better come back to the book before you decide to sell it. All the Best and thanks again for the artwork

JenniferThorne wrote 1182 days ago

CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!

Butler's Girl wrote 1182 days ago

Congratulations Bradley, you deserve every success, and I wish you all the best!
Fantastic novel.

Alison Butler (The Hanging of Margaret Dickson)

Jesse Hargreave wrote 1182 days ago

Bravo and the best of luck,

Jesse - Savant

ENBISAMUNYU wrote 1182 days ago

Bradley,

Wicked good! I like the 13 year-old character and his appreciation of Mister Scratch! And the arboreal fractions's tale used to cause me as much wonder when I was a teenager. It's true for some trees but not for all of them so Mr Sutkin was certainly exaggerating.

I wish you well with it!

Edward

mmefford wrote 1183 days ago

This is very nice. There is a great eye for detail--small things that really add to the depth of the book. This reminds me a little of Stand by Me by Stephen King (The Body was the short, as I remember). Anyway, it's tha particular ability to remember those little details and convey them that is a gift. Good luck.

Mike Mefford

GuardsMann81 wrote 1183 days ago

Bradley,
I know your book really doesn't need further assistance, but after reading the first two chapters I'm really impressed. Great voice, and the transitions are quite good. The reader doesn't get lost at all. I love how you tie them in a further explain his past through his odd thought process. This is great. Backed. I wish you the best.

If you have time to take a look at mine, I'd appreciate it. An Invisible Dawn hasn't been on the site long, just since the 25'th of February. If you like it, please shelve it and help us to reach the heights of your current acclaim. If not, please let me know what I can do to make it better.

Weston Kincade
An Invisible Dawn

First Floor on Fire wrote 1183 days ago

Bradley, I'm reluctant to comment because praising the writer who's currently #1 here can come across as cravenly sycophantic, but I really did enjoy your first chapter. You have a breezy energy and wit and a knack for recapturing how it felt to be thirteen. And I didn't have a problem with the word "for," though I'm not attacking zan for objecting to it. Nobody is required to agree about anything concerning literature.

Abhyastamita wrote 1183 days ago

Almost every paragraph of this has a description of something familiar that's not like any way I've seen it described before. I was particularly struck by the way Abel uses the graffiti to gauge his climb up the tree and the "if you eat what you smell" part and the description of Pigpie which is mostly all moles and thigh-slaps. Oh, and the propelling clouds around the sky as Abel's looking up at them from the tree house. I could go on a lot longer.

Occasionally the sentences have more information in them than is ideal for smooth reading. But I think if you changed that, Abel's voice wouldn't come through as clearly as it does. I'm very glad to have gotten to read some of this.

huangcck wrote 1184 days ago

sorry but i won't be writing a super long comment like some of the authors did.

very interesting idea, Rain Man meets Davinci Code? hehe.

very nicely written, easy to follow, especially with such abudant use of quotes which divides up the narratives.

only thing missing? your coverart needs a panda hat.

Gordon Long wrote 1184 days ago

Dear Bradley,

This book has wonderful potential. I believe you have created a truly unique main character, who attracts a great deal of empathy.

I can give a couple of ideas that might help you:

1. You need a thorough proof-read. In general, your prose is good, but there are serious lapses.
"A minute passed, but the backdoor didn't open after I thought I'd heard a noise." is either very convoluted prose, or an indication of how this character's mind works. Unfortunately, most people will assume the former, especially when you use the adjective form, "backdoor" when you mean the adjective-noun form, "back door." You make the same mistake with "everyday" in the next chapter.

2. You overuse the "stream of consciousness" spewing of facts. While it is a key facet of your MC's character, that doesn't mean it makes great novel material. Perfect example: the start of Ch 6. This comes at a place in the novel where the reader's interest is starting to flag, because essentially, nothing has happened yet. This is the point where you need to pick up the action, and instead, at the beginning of a chapter, you put in 10 large paragraphs of philosophy.

It's standard procedure, when you have a character trait that is also a reading problem (dialect, for example) to use it strongly at first to establish it, and then back off, and only use it where it works for the rest of the story. In the case of this trait, I can see it being used for comic effect, or to create suspense in a conflict situation.

Which leads us to the last and most obvious problem,

3. Nine chapters before the conflict starts. If you don't see this as a problem, there's not much more I can say.

In any case, I will be backing this story, because I don't think there's enough creativity in the world, and I love the MC.

Gordon Long
"A Sword Called…Kitten?"








scatteredfrost wrote 1184 days ago

Hi Bradley, Calculated Embellishment is a very clever story. What can I say that hasn't been said. Amazing. Checked out your book covers on your site. Wow, didn't realize that many of my favorites here on the site were yours.
backed
Pamela Frost
aka scatteredfrost
Houses of Cards

D.J.Smith wrote 1184 days ago

Hi Bradley
Thanks for your comments on 'Taylor' - Will look to split the long pitch. Just read the first few chapters of 'A calculated Embelleshment' - I like it. I like the way you effortlessly bring in vivd characters - reminded me of reading Stephen KIng. The first person narrative works really well and paints an intriguing picture even without dialogue. I teach kids on the autistic spectrum (although not savants - that I know of!) and so felt an immediate affection for Abel. Hope this one goes all the way.
DJ

lizjrnm wrote 1184 days ago

This is a phenominal book - it is no wonder it got this far! There are so many wonderful comments here so I just say ditto! Good luck - you are so there!

In between signing autographs if you have time to take a peek at The Cheech Room I would love your opinion! ;)

Billiegirl wrote 1184 days ago

Hi Bradley,
This was one of the first books I looked at on this site, and I either forgot to back it or didn't know how. :-) I don't feel qualified to comment in depth, but I will say that it reads like an already published novel, and there is a reason it has the ranking it does!
All the best

A.R. Norris wrote 1185 days ago

Hi Bradley,

I have to say, this probably wouldn't have been a book I'd have picked up. I'm glad Authonomy brought the opportunity to read this. You've done a great job setting a 1980s picture and the characters are well developed. From your pitch I wasn't sure what kind of syndrome to expect as I've never heard of Savant before. The pitch also had me a little worried that the book would be a little depressing. I was very pleasantly surprised and found a mixture of Stand by Me and Beautiful mind (sorry, I couldn't find a better comparible movie/book Id see/read).

You have a very clean writing style and good plot pacing. GOod luck with the Editor's Desk and congratulations for making the top 5.

AR

H Leigh Cornwell wrote 1185 days ago

Excellent job! Really, what more can I add to the impressive comments about your book? I hope the editor's desk is the start of great things for you and your fabulous writing!

H Leigh Cornwell
(Blood Descent)

JenniferThorne wrote 1185 days ago

Good Luck, Bradley. This book deserves to be published. Backed. To the hilt.

Famlavan wrote 1185 days ago

Hey Bradley, I’m fairly sure I backed you before, however I just looked on my watch list and after reading your work had TO make sure I had backed your work, brilliant – good luck.

Famlavan – Museum of Old Beliefs

Vickie Clasby wrote 1186 days ago

Bradley,
This is a wonderful story. Abel is perhaps the most intriguing character I've read. You've done a marvelous job of bringing him to life as a person, not a caricature. He switches from rants on Descartes to Budweiser as if each has equal importance. What I like most is that this is different - defies all labels. When surrounded by sci-fi, fantasy, and vampire/werewolf tales, this is a real breath of fresh air. Entertaining, masterful, and extremely well done.
I think you have a real chance at commercial success, and I wish you the best of luck.

Best regards,
Vickie (Barely a Trace)

Onlee1Chance wrote 1186 days ago

Wow! Great pitch...I also read the first chapter and I have to say... Great Work!!! will be placing on my wl and bookshelf as space comes behavior

Richard P-S wrote 1186 days ago

I don't think we've ever read each other's books, Bradley, but you've sort of been a quiet presence in my online lives for almost a year, and a wise presence here on authonomy. That's why I've felt the need to come over and look at Embelllishment before the month is up. So, please don't feel obligated to read my book.

I have read two chapters, and that's enough, because, in them, you establish a very strong narrative voice, one which remains in your readers' mind even after they have taken their eyes from the page and put down your book. That's a quality only few writers can achieve. You do need to edit for punctuation (sorry, I am known as the Punctuation Police, and it would be wrong not to point it out).

I'm not sure if you do yourself a disservice by mentioning Rainman in your blurb, because you set people's expectations and set yourself up for a comparison (or accusation of copying), especially if you query with that reference.

This deserves a short spin on my rotating shelf, and I wish you much luck with it.

R

Kidd1 wrote 1186 days ago

I read, therefore I know! What a wonderful premise for a story. To be inside an autistic mind is a memorable experience. Genius shines in your protagonist as well as you, his mentor. Shelved.

GeorgiaLondon wrote 1186 days ago

Bradley, your story is fascinating. Abel is such a loveable character, very visceral in the way he narrates the story. I can see why you are at the top. You a do a great job of making the reader hope that Pigpie(great name) suddenly chokes, maybe that is too good for her. Wishing you all the best. Backed