Dark Reflection: Haunted Happyending

What a beautiful poem at the start. Filled with longing, and hope. I like where this story is going. The fantasy genre is not my first love but it is popular here on the site and very popular on the outside. I love words and I will read any material. I got caught up in this story. The dialogue is excellent.

I'm not going to be much help to you, I think, because I could not find any error in your work. Your writing appears flawless.

My favourite tree in the whole wide world is the weeping willow tree. I'm not sure why. All trees grow naturally toward the light but the willow is different. It grows and then it bends downwards. It renages on nature. It doesn't reach skyward. Instead, it caresses the ground and hugs the earth.

Nice description of Alice.

Just as well the bush caught fire with the hungry wolf around.

"I'm deep in debt from drinking and gambling. If I don't pay it back, I'm a dead man. I'm just a victim. I have no choice.......Lovely words....Almost feel sorry for him.

Continued success with this piece. Will read more tomorrow when time allows. High stars from me.

Alice.

I started reading the first chapter and found it not a chapter at all, but a series of chapters. I think this is not how the stories were to be posted. The rules were that each chapter would be listed separately. I read to chapter 5 which was posted within one chapter that seemed to go on and on. This made the story boring and a chore. There was plenty of details included, but I wonder where the story was going. I assume that the evil witch would take the princess.

The story is well written, but the structure is wanting. Break the story down into smaller chapters to make it easier for the reader to relate to it. Chapters that go on and on can bore people and stress them out having no end in sight.

Don R. Budd

If you like this sort of story, you may be interested in my story "Demon War," which shows the dangers of getting involved in the paranormal. Click on my name "DoninMich" and you will be taken to the list of stories. I have three stories for your reading pleasure.

This IS very Different.
I'm not into this sort of story, but I have to say you Write very well. Your pictures are very vivid and eerie.
I think you bring things to life to the imagination of the reader.
Good job!
Best wishes.

Shelby Z./Driving Winds

P.S. Please take a look at my pirate adventure Driving Winds.

This should get you too 160. I don't understand why your on authonomy?

Review by Lexi Engler:

It takes a lot to keep me interested in a book, but I couldn't put this one down! Never in my life have I found a book that I could relate to 100%, until now. The author of this book brilliantly captures the reader's mind, and opens the spiritual realm! I have heard of kingdoms and good vs. evil. I have seen many things in my life, but after reading Dark Reflection, I see clearer than ever. Because of that, I feel amazingly transformed! This book is amazing! See for yourself!

I don't really get what you're trying to do here, but let me help you get your comment count up.
Review by Lexi Engler:

It takes a lot to keep me interested in a book, but I couldn't put this one down! Never in my life have I found a book that I could relate to 100%, until now. The author of this book brilliantly captures the reader's mind, and opens the spiritual realm! I have heard of kingdoms and good vs. evil. I have seen many things in my life, but after reading Dark Reflection, I see clearer than ever. Because of that, I feel amazingly transformed! This book is amazing! See for yourself!

Need another review?

Review by Lexi Engler:

It takes a lot to keep me interested in a book, but I couldn't put this one down! Never in my life have I found a book that I could relate to 100%, until now. The author of this book brilliantly captures the reader's mind, and opens the spiritual realm! I have heard of kingdoms and good vs. evil. I have seen many things in my life, but after reading Dark Reflection, I see clearer than ever. Because of that, I feel amazingly transformed! This book is amazing! See for yourself!

Sounds like redition of Snow White. Or a spin off of Naria. It sounds interesting. But maybe your only interested in your own reviews.

Review by Lexi Engler:

It takes a lot to keep me interested in a book, but I couldn't put this one down! Never in my life have I found a book that I could relate to 100%, until now. The author of this book brilliantly captures the reader's mind, and opens the spiritual realm! I have heard of kingdoms and good vs. evil. I have seen many things in my life, but after reading Dark Reflection, I see clearer than ever. Because of that, I feel amazingly transformed! This book is amazing! See for yourself!

I love this book. It's definitely rated "R" for reality. Prince Alice finds a mirror that brings about her darker side. Very interesting. The author of this book brilliantly captures the reader's mind, and opens the spiritual realm! I have heard of kingdoms and good vs. evil. I have seen many things in my life, but after reading Dark Reflection, I see clearer than ever. Because of that, I feel amazingly transformed! This book is amazing! See for yourself!

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Review by Lexi Engler:

It takes a lot to keep me interested in a book, but I couldn't put this one down! Never in my life have I found a book that I could relate to 100%, until now. The author of this book brilliantly captures the reader's mind, and opens the spiritual realm! I have heard of kingdoms and good vs. evil. I have seen many things in my life, but after reading Dark Reflection, I see clearer than ever. Because of that, I feel amazingly transformed! This book is amazing! See for yourself!

Review by Lexi Engler:

It takes a lot to keep me interested in a book, but I couldn't put this one down! Never in my life have I found a book that I could relate to 100%, until now. The author of this book brilliantly captures the reader's mind, and opens the spiritual realm! I have heard of kingdoms and good vs. evil. I have seen many things in my life, but after reading Dark Reflection, I see clearer than ever. Because of that, I feel amazingly transformed! This book is amazing! See for yourself!

Review by Lexi Engler:

It takes a lot to keep me interested in a book, but I couldn't put this one down! Never in my life have I found a book that I could relate to 100%, until now. The author of this book brilliantly captures the reader's mind, and opens the spiritual realm! I have heard of kingdoms and good vs. evil. I have seen many things in my life, but after reading Dark Reflection, I see clearer than ever. Because of that, I feel amazingly transformed! This book is amazing! See for yourself!

Review by Lexi Engler:

It takes a lot to keep me interested in a book, but I couldn't put this one down! Never in my life have I found a book that I could relate to 100%, until now. The author of this book brilliantly captures the reader's mind, and opens the spiritual realm! I have heard of kingdoms and good vs. evil. I have seen many things in my life, but after reading Dark Reflection, I see clearer than ever. Because of that, I feel amazingly transformed! This book is amazing! See for yourself!

Review by Lexi Engler:

It takes a lot to keep me interested in a book, but I couldn't put this one down! Never in my life have I found a book that I could relate to 100%, until now. The author of this book brilliantly captures the reader's mind, and opens the spiritual realm! I have heard of kingdoms and good vs. evil. I have seen many things in my life, but after reading Dark Reflection, I see clearer than ever. Because of that, I feel amazingly transformed! This book is amazing! See for yourself!

Daniel,

Compelling premise and well written! I especially enjoyed the intensity of the birth scene in the first chapter and you description really pulls me in and makes me feel a part of your world. Thanks again for another enjoying read! I enjoyed the poetry and had to check out your other book. I'll be back soon for more!

Have a fantastic day!

- Scott, The Ark of Humanity

A wonderfully imaginative fairy story. At times it can be wonderfully and darkly descriptive.

J.S.Watts
A Darker Moon

This is really good, I love it! I rate it six stars and will back your story ASAP.

Charmain

Daniel, .the writing is stellar and the story amazing. Your writing style is interesting and I found that your strengths lie in your descriptive writing. The story has an intense creepiness and I loved every moment of it. You have developed a very appealing story.
I wish you the best
Scott
The Esrevinu Chronicles/Secrets of the Elephant Rocks

I really like your poem "Dancing in the Darkness." It is well done and a great way to start your story. "Prologue Introduction" sets the tone for your book well and is also a good use of foreshadowing. You build the character of Alice solidly and your use of crisp dialogue and short paragraphs keeps your book flowing at a good pace. All of this coupled with your imaginative writing ensures that your fantasy will appeal to the YA audience. Backed.

Andrew Burans
The Reluctant Warrior: The Beginning

Disney fairytale quality that stands out with all its vivid imagery and sense of otherworldliness. Backed with pleasure.

This has the sound and feel of a classic fairy tale, very good for your target audience. The writing is solid and serves the genre well. I'm happy to back this for you, and hope it does well here.
Craig
The Job

I’ve added your book to my watchlist. Best of luck with it!

Hi, Daniel -- I am of course not your target YA reader, but as a former Children's Area Supervisor for a major chain bookstore, I've read many YA books. Your first chapter shows great promise, drawing young readers in with your straightforward prose and characterization. Thank you for sharing your work! J and B, The Long Black Veil

Dark Reflection feels haunting yet thoroughly compelling.. the synopsis is what made me want to read this story, and I'm very glad to have had a chance to start it.. Backed and best wishes
Diane
Good Blood

Hi Daniel, I agree with Lionel on this one. This was not my usual read and I'm not the target audience but it semed quite straightforward. I was surprised to find the christian themes but I still thought it was well worth a backing.
Best wishes, Barry
Little Krisna and the Bihar Boys

Daniel, I read Part I (1, 2, 3). This is a good use of a creative imagination. A smooth, enjoyable read.

Backed with pleasure.

Joffrey (The Silver Spoon Effect)

You've created an interesting fantasy world for Princess Alice to be born into (I'm not sure I'd make her birth so painful (merciless pan, shrieked with pain, etc). The majority of your audience is going to be girls and you don't want to scare them from ever having children. Aside from that, this is a good read. Burgio (Grain of Salt).

Your story is interesting and shows a lot of promise, but it jumps around a bit too abruptly. Only your most dedicated YA readers are going to want to stick with it. I strongly recommend working on your transitions - both within paragraphs and between them.
The pseudo-religious overtones are also a bit jarring, since nothing in your pitch suggests that there's a religious allegory going on. When I got to the part about the "prince of peace" in your poem, and when Prince/Prophet Paladin fed the crowd with an obvious Jesus-theme, I felt like I'd picked up the wrong book!
If those are necessary parts to your novel, and not just thrown in for a whim, you'll want to work them in more gradually so they don't shock readers who come to it.
A caveat: I only read through chapter 2. While the story is enjoyable, the abruptness and lack of transitions just got too jarring for me. Please let me know if/when you revise, and I'll make another attempt!
In the meantime, Backed.

Good luck!
~Karilyn
Garden of Souls