Brother Rabbit: The Road to Constantinople

This is hard to read on a screen- this should be savoured slowly in order for the words to sink in. Scrolling up and down to clarify a point just isn't right. I would love to see this in print. There is a really old feel to your ms, as if it was uncovered from older times and translated for this day and age. I like that- it transports one, akin to time travel! As for your writing- no nitpicks (I don't feel qualified, ha ha!). Your subject matter is wonderful. I have often thought the 11th century has the most to tell!

Onto my revolving shelf.
All the best
Elaina
Gathering of Rain

I have backed this, because it is so different and unlike anything I have read on Authonomy.

This information you give is interesting to me.

And it delights me!

I do need to read on--most gladly, but do pause to shelf you.

Best to you,

Debbie

I just love Historical novels. My own novel isn’t one, but that’s only because I’m so utterly in awe of those who can pull it off that I wouldn’t dare court their company. Brother Rabbit is an outstanding example of the genre, and that’s saying something, because I’ve been continually astonished by just how high the standard is on Authonomy. From MM Bennetts to BR Stateham, the bar’s high.

The First Crusade is an excellent subject for a novel because after 9/11 and with all the present-day problems between Israel and the Palestinians, it’s as relevant a time-period as any in the past, and probably the most relevant of all episodes in Medieval history.

I was so impressed by the erudition in this I went to look at your profile. Ah! Yes, that makes sense. A degree in medieval history.

Now I know I’m in safe hands. Bookshelved without hesitation.

Bren Verrill
The Weird Problem of Good.

Hi, Brenna -

This is light years from my usual read, but the writing is superb.

I'm delighted to back Brother Rabbit and wish him and you the best of luck here.

And, I'd love you read your comments on my book.

Thanks.


-Jeff Lee
THE LADIES TEMPERANCE CLUB'S FAREWELL TOUR

Very well wrtten and quite captivating. Just check for typos eg "had turned the family business a small fortune". Easily fixed. Cnicht is an unusual alternative for knight, I almost thought it was another typo. I kind of like it.

Not much I can add to your plethora of comments. Very strong character and voice and tone. Best wishes with this.

Hi Brenna, Very convincing in its time. It kept me there throughout and the characters met, the thoughts of the narrator about them, made the scenes vivid yet quaint. I liked many of his ideas, journeys being like dreams, and then the theology of his time swaying him. I can see how establishing that will make for an interesting plot to the contemporary reader – because of the selection of events. The smooth style with so many particulars made this pleasant reading. Shelved – Katherine (The Swan Bonnet)

I love historical fiction, and I'm fascinated by this time period. You are obviously well versed in your history and writing, and once I got to the action (where the dialogue starts) I got sucked right into your characters. Your dialogue is very good, and I love the visual feel of the stable scene. Once things started moving, the pace really picked up, and I would love to sit and read, and see where you take me.

I do have to admit, however, that I skipped through about half of your narrative. Taken in parts, it's all very interesting (and well written), but as a whole, I had a hard time making my way through it. I'm just wondering how much of it is pertinent info for understanding your character/the rest of the story. There were parts I would have liked to see more clearly, and parts I felt were excessive. Just my opinion, and again, it may all be neccessary - I haven't read far enough to know what I've missed.

Regardless, I appreciate your talent, and I'm also impressed by your critique - I know you're a professional, but still. I would love to have you take a look at my book if you get a chance!

Nen,
The Maid of Kersii

Wow. This is really beautifully and captivatingly written. I'm coming back for more when I can devote some real time to it. Till then! Val-Rae

Its rare to find a roman MC Portrayed as other than a soldier or a politician. This has a very elegant voice and is above my head to crit.
Reads like peoetry.

This in some ways reminds me of the start of The Winter King series, where the protagonist flashes from his old age to his earlier life. The language used sits the reader well in the period and I found the MS very readable. I am a fan of historical fiction, so this style appealed to me. My only nitpick would be that for general consumption, people might find the pace a little slow.

Having said that, I am thoproughly enjoying the read and will continue. Shelved.

Cheers

Rayo

Hello Brenna,

The first three chapters left me with the conclusion that you have a well written work that has the potential of being a page-turner all the way to the end. The opening chapter caught my interest right away and the characters came in handy to bring the story alive. Frater Cuniculus' narrative is poignant, and takes one into that page of history that is so rich.The other characters introduced up to chapter three merely confirm the good job you did at characterization.

The unfolding plot seems to promise much is the later chapters, the setting is rich and pacing is right for the story. This is a story worthy of a place on my shelf.

All the best.

Janvier (FLASH OF THE SUN)

I have backed this, because it is so different and unlike anything I have read on Authonomy.

This information you give is interesting to me.

And it delights me!

I do need to read on--most gladly, but do pause to shelf you.

Best to you,

Debbie

Brenna, I've been dying to get to this, so here I am. I'll make a few notes as I go.
What!? He's dying and it's only the second paragraph? What happened? - Yes, you've definitely lured me in.
Perhaps instead of saying, As I mentioned, You could start this paragraph with soemthing like, The gallant cnicht, that I met in my youth, that great man..." it just makes the assumpiton that the reader knows and allows you to move forward instead of retracing your steps.
Perhaps, "I have now decided to translate..."
Your first paragraph is two sentences. It could be cut into three to give it a little more strength simply by making it, "...as I lived them. Indeed, for the most part..."
I'd actually like to see a little more description of the even in the Battle of Hastings. Perhaps a small story to colour the narrative.
Ah, I see you have. Perhaps instead of introducing it, go straight to it and end by telling us how that is how he earned the pension. In other words, I think the paragraph that begins, 'After the battle of Hastings', is superfluous and holds the story up. Just my opinion.
Brenna, I've read most of the first chapter, but you lost me. Now, it could be because I have a very short attention span, but I think you need to spice up some of the events earlier on to make the reader really feel like this is something different that's happening and that's how the story came about. Your narrative is excellent and you've obviously done your homework because you paint such a fantastic picture of life in these times, so I'd love to see just a little more going on so the reader will feel is exceptional not just for the history and the narrative, but for the interesting story.
I love these kinds of books, one of my very favourites being The Confident Hope of a Miracle by Neal Hanson. That, of course, was a non-fiction story of the Spanish Armada, but between Ellis Peters and that, I grew a real love of history and historic stories. I wish you the very best with this and I'll give it some shelf space.
Cealarenne

My favorite genre, if I had to chose, would be Historical Fiction. This reminds me of Umberto Eco. Wish I had time to read the entire book. I love your narrator already.

I find it was an altogether agreeable read, transporting me to another time.

Shelved.

Janet

I just love Historical novels. My own novel isn’t one, but that’s only because I’m so utterly in awe of those who can pull it off that I wouldn’t dare court their company. Brother Rabbit is an outstanding example of the genre, and that’s saying something, because I’ve been continually astonished by just how high the standard is on Authonomy. From MM Bennetts to BR Stateham, the bar’s high.

The First Crusade is an excellent subject for a novel because after 9/11 and with all the present-day problems between Israel and the Palestinians, it’s as relevant a time-period as any in the past, and probably the most relevant of all episodes in Medieval history.

I was so impressed by the erudition in this I went to look at your profile. Ah! Yes, that makes sense. A degree in medieval history.

Now I know I’m in safe hands. Bookshelved without hesitation.

Bren Verrill
The Weird Problem of Good.

Hey Brenna,
This is a very well written, conceptually strong book. Brother Rabbit-great name-hehe.
Two things i did notice though, many of your paragraphs are of similar length, i always try and avoid that as it becomes tedious for the reader, and also you should up the font size for us readers with bad eyes.
Your ms feels authentic though, and that's what's important.
Shelved.

Regards,

Mark H

Brenna, this is a marvelous book. Read 2 chapters and the transport to an olden time and place was complete. It is authentic and interesting. A skillful steady drawing of a medieval world and its viewpoints. Vivid descriptions. small aside: why do folk at the Archbishop's palace at Mainz speak English? (unless it says they spoke in german and I missed it.. there is a comment something like that re: speaking French) Well-written and conceived. The reader looks forward to learning more. Evan

I am enjoying reading Brother Rabbit very much--the tone and use of words relates the setting and the narrator--a self-confessed book fiend--very well. I do agree with Rachel that this first section could be broken up into shorter chapters, but that's likely an issue more of formatting than writing, as there are plenty of natural places for breaks if you wanted to do this.

I particularly liked the sections of dialogue, as well, and perhaps you could consider working one in even earlier--they provided a wonderful addition to the flow of the work, and it was refreshing to hear new voices after living inside Brother Rabbit's head. I especially like how, though you can't show us the dialect differences in their original incarnations, they are shown with grammar and word choice in your characters. Very clever :)

My only concern with the beginning was the prologue...I think my insecurity with it came partially because the most important piece, for me, was that it was his personal recollection written in his old age, which could very easily be placed at the beginning of the narrative. The teaser bits could have been a bit more "teasy" if the prologue is meant to draw us in, though the line about once loving a woman more than his God was brilliant and did make me very curious. These are just my opinions, and certainly didn't stop me from reading...I just wonder if perhaps you could reassess what you want the prologue to do for you, and make it work a little harder (prologues can get lazy sometimes :) ).

The promise of a great story unfolding aside (and I will certainly drop in from time to time to get an update about my new friend Rabbit!), the writing is superb. The tone is executed wonderfully. Shelved :)

Very impressive. Medieval mercifully and convincingly spun for today's reader, love it. And an introductory quote from Boethius to boot! Happy to back this.

This is hard to read on a screen- this should be savoured slowly in order for the words to sink in. Scrolling up and down to clarify a point just isn't right. I would love to see this in print. There is a really old feel to your ms, as if it was uncovered from older times and translated for this day and age. I like that- it transports one, akin to time travel! As for your writing- no nitpicks (I don't feel qualified, ha ha!). Your subject matter is wonderful. I have often thought the 11th century has the most to tell!

Onto my revolving shelf.
All the best
Elaina
Gathering of Rain

I was determined not to like this, it is just not my thing but despite that I was drawn in to the authenticity of this novel. It reads like something that has been dug up in an ancient ruin. Quite excellent. Shelved.
Paul S ('Poppy Skiffles...' and 'Standalone farm')

RachelMay, in answer to your comments:

At the part Caput Unus, your first sentence is a fragment. You wrote: I must confess to you now, dear reader, that some of the ( following passages I write from my memory of those days. ) It just reads uncompleted. Like if it were me, I’d write: I must confess to you now, dear reader, that some (okay some? wouldn’t all of it be by memory?) of the following passages are told with the patina of my memory, some sweeter than others, some darker, some now merely blurs in my mind. Does this make sense? What I’ve written isn’t right, but it just reads clunky and I think with a little finessing you can smooth it out.

To put it another way, BR is saying, "I write some of the following passages from my memories of those days." I thought about using "I have written", but in my mind he is thinking about what he wants to write and then writing it down in the present (well, in HIS present back in the 12th century). "Some of the following passages" indicates that not all the following passages are memories; some passages that he is about to write are his current reflections on remembered events.
Brenna

This doesn't read like a modern novel - and I mean that as a compliment. The tone you set in your writing makes it sound more authentic. You have a smooth style that seems very professional as you take your time with your story. There are many things that interest me - like that I've been to Burges, the thoughts of Jews, and Jesus. I enjoyed the infirmary scene - well, I wouldn't want to be in one if I was hurt. And I like the monks / brothers - the dialogue rings true for me. Not sure if apologies are necessary at the beginning. On my shelf.

Hi,
This reminds me a bit of Rathbone's 'Last English KIng'. It is true that for many readers it is too expository (sp?) at the start and the archaeic English and Latin may seem a bit overdone, but I think you write well and have a good story. You have clearly edited it well with few typos.
Well done!
Backed,
Best,
Fred

I love the explanation of his name and how it caused him some embarrassment.

The first sentence of your second paragraph you are missing a comma. Should read: I am an old man now(,) but in those days of my youth….

The mention of how he loved a woman more so than God that too is a very telling thing to say about a man of the cloth. So I read this an instantly I, as a reader, start to wonder what was so special about Brother Rabbit and this woman and also what were the adventures he had with the Italian Lord. I mention these to you as praise because right away you have estabilished to strong and subtle hooks in your prose and story.

The poems are an excellent touch. And I like that you have both the language they were written in and the translations. It feels authentic that way. Real. If that makes any sense?

At the part Caput Unus, your first sentence is a fragment. You wrote: I must confess to you now, dear reader, that some of the ( following passages I write from my memory of those days. ) It just reads uncompleted. Like if it were me, I’d write: I must confess to you now, dear reader, that some (okay some? wouldn’t all of it be by memory?) of the following passages are told with the patina of my memory, some sweeter than others, some darker, some now merely blurs in my mind. Does this make sense? What I’ve written isn’t right, but it just reads clunky and I think with a little finessing you can smooth it out.

I like how you write about how Rabbit’s grandfather had accidentally found the king’s nephew.

I feel that this chapter in general is a bit too long and could be divided into possibly two chapters. Especially because people are reading it on this site, I think it would entice readers to read more if you broke it up. Currently they feel really long. But the writing is exquisite so don’t change that.

It’s also telling how you describe how he wouldn’t have been satisfied with his lot in life had he followed in his father’s footsteps to become a clerk in the wool trade. And I could see him at 14 complaining to his father.

And then later in chapter 1 when we finally see that his father’s business did help him in a way, getting on that train for Koln.

I would rephrase this sentence to read: Our cautious caravan was complete with an escort of hired mercenary soldiers . . . I think it reads better than to have had as an escort. The “had” makes it passive. Sometimes having a passive voice is fitting. Here, since mercenaries by trade are not passive the passive voice there doesn’t seem to fit. Does that make sense?

The paragraph starting with: Journeys are strange events. . . . I love this part. The thing is that paragraph is three in one. Cut it into more digestible chunks. You’ll see, it will be easier to read and less intimidating to your reader.

I also love the way you’ve described the cathedral. Wonderful. Really. How each stone was fit together to perfection, mortarless.

When Rabbit anticipates meeting the Master of the Palace, I too am feeling my heart beat a little faster, wondering about what the meeting will bring. And that is another good hook.

I love this: pools of burning sulphur. Wonderfully evocative and very visual.

I also really like: pile of clandestine dung. That actually sort of made me chuckle.

The scene where he’s ravenous for food is also wonderfully written. Shelved.

Rachel May
Going Twice

Hello Brenna,
I found the prologue quite moving and I feel it set the tone well for what comes next.
I read this with interest but did feel that perhaps it would be better broken up a little more. Otherwise there begins to be a vague resemblence to a text book. One, I must say that I would learn well from. But some sort of dialogue more frequently would enhance this, I'm sure. However, it is your creation and you must write freely the way you see it. So only my thoughts. On my shelf because I feel there is potential in this skillfull writing. Margaret (Candles in the Garden)

BROTHER RABBIT (Brenna Pearce)
I am drawn to this book by a similarity to my own writings (not on Authonomy); my character is the son of a mercer at the time of the second crusade and he also becomes educated.
I'm in a position to offer some of the criticisms I have received.
First, you cannot overestimate the public's ignorance. Whereas anyone interested in the period will know the occasional Latin and Anglo-Saxon words you use to embellish your work, many will not and will be put off by them. If you stop to consider it, they really are not necessary, and can be interpreted as "I know something you don't know."
One must also be cautious with "tone," avoiding anything that could be considered supercilious or sarcastic.
Despite the hundreds, or thousands, of books on the crusades they're still selling and this could do very well. Perhaps Dan Browne has helped!
Good luck with it.
Shelved
mch

Good prologue. You throw in a snippet about a woman he once loved - very enticing.

I think you should cut out 'Dear Reader' it grates. Love the family history, it sounds authentic, as does the description of his early years. Your description of the man who answeres the bell is so visual. 'Two withered grapes embedded in globes of yellow grease.' Wonderful.

My only critism is that there are huge blocks of prose, which untill quite a way down are unrelieved by dialogue.
When your dialogue does begin, it's very natural.

Excellent and atmospheric writing.

On my watch list.

Joanna

Hi Brenna,
I really enjoyed what I have read so far, I hope you will add further chapters as and when.
I have only two comments
Do so – I did not diligently begin to do so until Lord Bohemond commanded me to do so …
Try – I did not diligently begin to do so until Lord Bohemond commanded me, although ….
Comers,,, - It is extremely difficult to keep a reader attention with so much block information. Some of your sentences are extremely long; have another look and see if you can break them down with comers’ or semi-colons.

This facility adjoined the main palace building and could only be entered, from within the cathedral, through a separate external gate. Unlike the palace gate – that depended upon the good will of Julius, the Archbishop’s steward, for entry – this gate was left open throughout the day; it was only closed up at night for the sake of privacy and the safety of patients, who were forced, by their infirmities, to dwell within, until recovery or death took them away.
This is excessive, but I hope you get the idea.

I will book shelf this, and keep it on my watch list.
D. Franklin Thomas – Troodo.
The Rose of Gildvadane.