Book Jacket

 

rank  Editors Pick
word count 155356
date submitted 06.05.2009
date updated 02.03.2014
genres: Fiction, Literary Fiction, Thriller...
classification: universal
complete

The Öbergemau Key

Jose Carlos Cavazos

One pissed-off Jewish American financial fraud investigator takes on a neo-Nazi and Islamic conspiracy to save Her Majesty's life



 

Former United States Army sniper Jonathan Templemann investigates fraud for an upscale accounting outfit. Traversing the globe from London in the firm’s private jet, the forensic accountant circulates amongst Britain’s wealthy and celebrity elite, recovering their embezzled funds.

An enemy from Jonathan’s military past seeks revenge for a tragic incident that occurred during the Iraq War. This neo-Nazi criminal mastermind now coordinates a multi-national conspiracy, code-named Öbergemau, and has positioned Jonathan to be the patsy in a diabolical plan involving simultaneous worldwide terrorist attacks that will divert attention from the real crime: the United Kingdom’s greatest electronic monies theft ever.

As Jonathan works his firm’s most notorious and feared case, he uncovers the right-wing nationalist and Islamic partnership to assassinate Her Majesty by using Jonathan’s girlfriend, Lady Lesley, as an unknowing weapon carrier. The Queen’s demise will initiate Öbergemau, creating mass casualties on a global scale.

Time is running out.

Inspired by my Persian Gulf War combat experience, Corporate America assignments, and vast international travels, this page-turning story crackles with energy and verve, surprising twists and turns.

HarperCollins’ editors described The Öbergemau Key as “a swiftly paced, action-packed international thriller that invites comparison to Robert Ludlum and Ian Fleming.”

 
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tags

angkor wat, auschwitz, bangkok, belfast, born again, bosnian croats, british national party, buddhism, cambodia, christian, crucifixion, death camps, ...

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1451 comments

 

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Daniel J W wrote 83 days ago

I just read the first few chapters and found it very compelling. I really like your writing style, it feels rapid but drawn out... If that makes any sense? Some other comments said they were pleonastic but I disagree, I think that in this piece it works really well, I really feel a sense of rhythm and momentum, which for a thriller is certainly what you should be aiming for. The switch in tenses threw me off at first, but once you get it, any problems dissolve away. This is not my genre and I'm no expert on it, but I can see why this got to the editors desk and I wish you a lot of luck with it in the future.

Andreea Daia wrote 106 days ago

After reading the first couple of chapters I can say with confidence WONDERFUL WRITING! I would be interested in how HC received your writing voice, since I'm also the type who doesn't shy away from adjectives and metaphors. Anyhow, you clearly have your own distinctive style (which is so rare nowadays) and I hope you kept trying to publish this story through a different house.

About the context, the switch between past and present took me a little unprepared, but not in a bad way--you managed very well to cross the time bridge without a "formal" break in your text. This is clearly not your run-of-the-mill thriller and once again I hope you didn't give up on trying to publish it through one of the classic outlets. I think you should contact one of the more experimental publishers--maybe Random House. In the past they had a handful of rather unusual books, so it's worth a try.

Wishing you best of luck!
Andreea

(Duplicity)

Johanna Nield wrote 360 days ago

Congratulations on reaching the desk, Jose :)
I've read chapters one and two, which I found very engaging. Despite some very lengthy sentences and a superfluous use of adjectives, I like your writing style. This isn't a genre I'd normally read, so I don't feel qualified to comment on the plot, etc., but I wish you every success.
All the best
Johanna Nield

Lyn4ny wrote 415 days ago

Jose,

It already has done well I see. Great Job!!

-Lyn

Lyn4ny wrote 415 days ago

Hey Jose,

Great storyline here with wonderful characters. It has a great creative nature to it and flows nicely. I think its well-written and thought out. I think it will do well. Not my genre but I did like it. High Stars from me.

-Lyn
Forty-Four Footprints Following Me

Tarzan For Real wrote 421 days ago

Jose you write like the test tube son of Lee Child and the late Michael Critchon with a splash of Ludlum.

Forensic accounting mathematics aside, this is great edge-of-your-seat work. You really could catch a heart attack from the suspense, plot twists, and pace. I ought to know about the latter in my day job--remote international paramedic.

So, compelling characters, great descriptions of the international settings, and a great story.

High praise, highly starred, and I'd have backed this before you rocketed to the top spot.--JL "The Devil Of Black Bayou", "The Wings of the Seraph", & "Shadow Ghosts of the Moonlight"

Software wrote 467 days ago

I do like this fast moving drama with its military theme and sense of impending doom. Jose has created a very compelling and often thought provoking literary fiction with a well crafted theme, bright and interesting characters and a fast moving plot. Easy to see why it reached the ed's desk. Great stuff.

Clive Radford
Doghouse Blues

authordonna wrote 470 days ago

Wow! Great imagery. You have almost combined poetry with this story telling. Excellent writing.

Torkuda wrote 512 days ago


After taking a very long time to read this story, and still not being able after all this time to really enjoy it, I have to stop. By all accounts this is a very good story, however I don’t feel I can do it justice as it’s clearly outside my interests. I often get lost in some of the jargon and loose usage of foreign languages and I have to admit I really don’t understand what exactly the job of the main character is, so I don’t get what he’s trying to accomplish. Thus I feel inadequate to do a full review, even though you did back my book for a while. Sorry. I’ll write what I can.

1.Spelling/Grammar
Score: ¾
I’m pretty sure there are a number of grammatical errors in the story, however nothing really seemed to represent a pattern of misunderstanding to me. One or two more proofreads should take care of this.

2.Interesting Plot
Score: ~
Ultimately I found the plot confusing, and that’s probably because, again, this is way outside my genre. I would highly recommend this story to a mystery enthusiast who has traveled abroad, maybe even a military buff, however the only place I’ve been to outside of the states was Korea, which has very little in common with the areas where this story was set. I think less usage of local dialects would have helped me, but ultimately would have detracted from the genuine feel of the story, which even I could catch onto.

3.Good Direction
Score: 1/2
To be honest, the direction of this story seemed like it would be confusing no matter if I liked the genre or not. Flash backs seemed a little unpredictable and I wasn’t always sure why I was reading the history of a character rather than continuing to follow his adventures in the present. I’m used to flash backs that occur immediately to explain something in the story that was just brought up. I’ve seen stories that did not really interlace flashbacks like that, heck even the first Sherlock Holmes novel put a huge flash back at the end of the story that wasn’t triggered by anything, I didn’t like it, but I finished that part anyway. I’m not saying it’s wrong not to make direct ties, but some people may find it confusing.

4.Author Interest
Score: 1
Even now that the story is on the editors desk, the author continues to advertise it. He certainly has a heart for his story.

5.Believable Main Characters
Score: 3/4
With genuine accents, usage of jargon and native tongues, I did get the feeling that your characters were acting like real people. I will mention a slight confusion at the main character’s career choice if he hates violence or at least killing, but he wouldn’t be the first soldier to hate violence. I think maybe he promise to never kill again might be over doing it though. Kinda like B.A. Baracus on the A-team, swearing off killing, and then using automatic fire arms to blow up vehicles with passengers. However I will note that it is the mark of a good writer if he can make you believe that the impractical is practical. While reading, I somehow did believe that a man could swear off killing entirely, and yet still employ Bugsy and Spyder to guard his back with machine guns. Ridiculous yes, but you somehow sold me on it while I was reading it.
If you’re going for realism, I might tone down his aversion to violence to something more general, especially not swearing not to kill whilst using automatic weapons.

6.Likable Main Characters
Score: ½
I’m going low on this because while I didn’t hate Jonathan, I didn’t really find much to like. Clearly from some of his flashbacks, Jonathan had positive experiences in his life, he was just very rarely happy. He wasn’t particularly grumpy or sad either. He felt like he was just any fraud investigator, with a particular determination. His determination was a good trait that stood out, however I didn’t get much else. I wanted to see him joke back with Spyder and Bugsy for instance, but he usually just tries to shut them up. Truth is I tend to like exaggerated characters, so maybe my dislike of Jonathan was personal preference, but I would think about livening him up a bit.

7.Likable Side Characters
Score: 1
On the other hand you nailed many of your side characters. Bugsy and Spyder were great jokers and always having fun. I didn’t have to agree with their sense of humor to see they were having fun, which meant I had fun with them. Lesley was also painted very well as a patient and inviting woman, and even the mentor felt like a near father figure to Jonathan. (I can’t remember the mentor’s name at the moment. He was Jonathan’s handler, but he seemed like a mentor character to me.)

8.Good Scene Descriptions
Score: 1
Actually your descriptions in this story are vivid and detailed. Maybe that’s one of the reasons why when Bugsy and Spyder opened fire down a stair case with a pair of SAWs and killed no one, I didn’t see it as odd, as the scene was described so well I saw it in my mind’s eye perfectly.

9.Targeting
Score: 1
This story is well targeted at well-traveled mystery readers. Best I can tell they will definitely appreciate the realistic way events are handled, right down to people’s accents sounding genuine. International spy novels are a big niche, so this is a good target.

10.Broad Appeal
Score: ½
If my own personal experience is any indication, over specializing for a certain crowd will kill the interests of those outside. There’s nothing you can do about that save dumbing it down for a more general audience, which I actually don’t recommend.

I’m not going to officially score this story as I feel insufficient to give it a good judgment. Keep my comments in mind, perhaps, but realize this isn’t my cup of tea if you think I’m way off.

R. Dango wrote 524 days ago

This is a real enjoyable thriller. I am not surprised that it has made it to ED. I am a big fan of spy novels and I found this one as captivating as some of the best-sellers.

My only suggestion is, if it's not too late, to change the title to something easy for anyone to remember. I think most spy novels usually come with very easy titles - Our Game, Gold Finger, etc. What do you say?

R

Wussyboy wrote 557 days ago

I can generally tell within two pages whether I would buy a book or not, and this one had me reaching for my cash at para one. Tight, gritty and explosive, "The Obergemau Key" opens with a bang - quite literally - and just keeps powering on. One of the best first chapters I've ever read and a masterclass in 1st person narrative storytelling. Niiiiice!

Joe Kovacs
He ain't Heavy, He's my Buddha

Lynne Heffner Ferrante wrote 611 days ago

Is there any reason to review this book anymore or to back it? But I cannot resist. Aside from being my favorite genre, it is so well written and compelling that I am unable to put it down. Congratulations for a job so well done and such an entertaining and thought provoking book.

Lynne Heffner Ferrante
AN Untenable Fragrance of Violets

junetee wrote 674 days ago

THE OBERGEMAU KEY.

Exciting pitch.
This is a fast-paced, thriller. Its excellently written and I can see why it made it to the ed desk.
It is interesting, mysterious and even has a touch of humour to this thrilling story.
The beginning really took my interest, and then I couldn't stop reading. There's so much detail - and written so well.
You have done a great job!
Overall, an interesting and thrilling book. A great read. Highly starred.
junetee
FOUR CORNERS.book one.The Rock Star.

Numbness wrote 697 days ago

just wondering why this is still drawing interest, even after ED'ing?

fictionguy wrote 738 days ago

This was a new way to start a novel, almostr like a screenplay, but you flit in and out of it, so it seems to work for this book and made me read on. It had a nice touch of humor in some spots that was needed. I have no doubt you will publish this. Let me know when it cones out. Good luck with this. You did a good job.

Dianna Lanser wrote 801 days ago

Jose,

I'm finally checking out your book. Sorry for the delay and now this system is on the clinker only allowing me to make short comments. I read the first three chapters. Wow... I'm really impressed with your writing and knowledge or your subject. So far the story is great - fast-paced, exciting, and very interesting. There's a bit of mystery that moves the reader forward. So I'm supposed to be written about the Christian girl in your story. So far there was just a quick reference to her and what you wrote was spot on about the Christian's call to forgive.

I'm going to give you six stars for your ability to create a thrilling beginning to what I suspect just gets even better. I'll be back to read more.

Dianna Lanser
Nothing But The Blood

J. T. Carroll wrote 815 days ago

I enjoyed reading this first chapter, it definitely pulled me in and made me want to read more. It's my favored style of writing, crisp, yet rich. I hope you won't mind me explaining which pieces made me pull up and took away from my enjoyment:

1) The opening short phrases provide a great opening, but once you get into the first paragraph, I want to know from whose viewpoint this is written. A simple addition of "My" to the first sentence in the second paragraph would do that.

2) "the breath fast exhales" doesn't read smoothly, nor is it consistent with "a twisting in "my" side. IAgain, I think that you need another pronoun in this sentence. Perhaps something like "I can't re-gain my expelled breath"

3) "a twisting in my side that gathers strength" doesn't flow or fit with the previous way you've been describing things. Perhaps something like "the twisting in my side increasing as if I'd been stabbed and an unseen hand was twisting the knife."

4) The last sentence in this first paragraph was a real stopper for me. It doesn't flow. Perhaps something like
"At below freezing, the shiver of my lips spreads through my body, as if to hasten my transition to a corpse.

5) Fourth paragraph, end first sentence after trigger. Remove and, start the next sentence with "Instead, I". At the end of this sentence "weighs heavier in my mind than the (add gun) in my hand.

I'll stop here, but if you appreciate this type of comment and would like more, contact me. As I said, I think this could be really good, after only reading the first chapter. But, you have a lot of missing pronouns, and some rough sentence structures. I'd be glad to help with.

johnpatrick wrote 816 days ago

Great read man.
I can see why it was so successfull. Just flew through the first 3 chapters. How a thriller is supposd to read. Plenty to learn from here.
Every success with it!
John
Dropping Babies.

serenalynn wrote 820 days ago

congrats. one could say I have a twisted sense of humor and even if you didnt mean to, it matched me well. the story is very well written and was a page turner.
thank you for the entertainment and congratulations again
Serena

NatashaM wrote 821 days ago

First of all, congratulations on making the Editor's Desk, and so rightly deserved! I have only read chapter one so far, but I love it. I'm a sucker for a good thriller. I like how you set the location right from the start. It invokes the imagination. The description of place and character is very well told too. I definately will be reading more.

ScottTrimas wrote 821 days ago

Loved the opening to the book. Tons of detail and very interesting. I hope to read more later on.

Eric Laing wrote 821 days ago

Simply excellent. Excellent prose told with confidence and rightly so. Near masterful unfolding of narrative...something very difficult in this genre, or so I have experienced in reading others' such offerings on autho.

Only one extremely small nit. A few word choices for the MC conflicted with his being American. 'Cheeky' and 'knackered' come to mind. Perhaps this is to show how European he has become, but, even so, I found it undermined the cedibility. If that's the case, maybe have him with more distinctive traits that wouldn't be suspect as possible authorial mistakes. Something like the manner of his cigarette smoking,choice of diet or the such.... Just a thought.

I've no doubt this will do extremely well. All the best with its and your success. Six stars...you don't need the backing.

E

AuroraNemesis wrote 821 days ago

A delicious read, with a very strong opening.
You’re writing flows well and you seem at ease with your writing style.
Our characters are first rate and add colour and dimension to your scenes.
A colourful dialogue with a staccato feel, that draws the writing on.
Good ending on your chapters lead you on to reading the next chapter
I enjoyed reading and would recommend.
Well done.

DerekTobin wrote 822 days ago

Hi Jose
This is a hell of a first chapter and I think you nailed it. Conflict and some gut renching emotion in there - I care for Jonathon your protagonist right from the off and that's an accomlishment in its self. Its easy to see how you got to the desk with this work. I particularly liked the flashbacks or images of Lesley and his heartfelt regret - I think you cooked that just right and such stuff can be difficult to balance. The writing flows and no clunky sections slowing it down. I thought this one line:
"years' of love's inadequacy" doesnt need the possesive on years'- just - years of love's inadequacy
It occured to me that if he promised not to kill - could he not have just shot to wound or incapacitate him rather than a kill shot? Just a thought and Im sure it would depend on his character and skill with a gun - which you obviously know better than me. I get hints at his character being honourable and gentlemanly through his thoughts and this gives him more depth. Overall not many crits I know but I felt it was a great start to the story with a brilliant hook. I will def be reading more and commenting further as things occur to me. Well done Jose.
Derek

Milorossi wrote 823 days ago

Interesting, shit!
But Let's hope I don't a chrismtas morning like that

ella's heartstrings wrote 1078 days ago

I see the book isn't getting much activity. I'm back on the site, a bit Contrary as always, will try to give the book another look after I've finished more edits. We Texans need to stick together. And this comment should hit your email inbox, will remove after I hear back from you and you read my message. PS -- could you send a little rain down south in my direction?

Mary

Freya Pickard wrote 1134 days ago

Explosive start. I like the stuccato present tense. It drew me into the action and I felt I knew the narrator well, almost immediately. Your powers of description are excellent - not too much but harsh and vivid enough to paint a truly real picture. This isn't my normal type of read but it held my attention.

Saint wrote 1254 days ago

Dear Jose
Wow, what a beginning chapter! Well done. In chapter one I see you prose and hear your voice. The action starts right away and each sentence is packed with punch and description and we learn so much so soon. You capture the reader as your protag lays almost breathless. We want to breathe for him. I see why this book is ranked...or was ranked...I'm not sure how this all works yet. I hope to get back to chapter two soon.

Of course we want to read on because we need to know what happens. The only thing I thought was strange was how Jaya texts him and he knows it. If he was chasing someone wouldn't his phone be on silent? If so, how would he know that a text came through?

Have a great day!
Michelle (WILLOW)

Jessica L Degarmo wrote 1256 days ago

I wanted to pop in and let you know that I read the first chapter. I'll say that it is quite good, and most certainly action-filled, but I also wanted to give you some of my impressions as I read to help you polish this further:

In this line: "He would solve the puzzle we have been chasing this whole time but now I will never know for the blood is collecting in the back of my throat, tasting it fully as if I’m dining on my own self.", it's a little confusing when you get the the part where the character is tasting the blood. The way it's written, that little section doesn't follow the same pattern as the rest of the sentence. You are relying on the I there (I will never know) but it doesn't work. I'd split up the sentence there and say, "I'm tasting it fully as if I'm dining on my own self." or say and 'I'm tasting it fully, as if I'm dining on myself."

In this line, "The pain cinches on itself making grunt out from the exquisite pain turning on itself", it reads a little awkward. Is the pain paking him grunt? Did you miss a 'me' there?

I think that there are a few instances when you are describing something, you use the instead of his or my. It almost distances the reader, I think, and jars, just a tad.

Overall, I think you are to be commended. I'm not sure if this was accidental or not, but the way some of the sentences were slightly disjointed and fragmented, it actually gave credence to the character's pain and suffering and was very atmospheric. After all, a man who's bleeding out probably isn't going to have the fortitude or ability to think completely clearly at all times.
I also wanted to say that the first few paragraphs reminded me of a WWII or WWI book with Germany, war, etc. It was not what I expected when you mentioned an Iphone! Kind of made me smile. Your work is evocative of that, but I guess some things never change, and war, murder, etc., no matter what the tools and weapons, is one of them.
So, my hats off to you and your review! I hope that you go far with this work.
Regards,
Jessica L. Degarmo

SChamblee wrote 1280 days ago

Hi,

You asked me to look at your book and consider how you handled Christianity in it.

First off, I thought you were respectful and rather honest and realistic in how you handled everyone and their differences.

There's a few things I think you might consider, though. I'm not sure that the Church of England would call it 'born again'....though I must admit I don't know that for sure.

Usually 'born again' is a term used by the very conservative. It was rather vague how the Lady Lesley came to her beliefs. I didn't get that, and don't know if you want to be a little more specific about it?
One big *big* thing I was concerned about - a born again Christian would not have slept with her boyfriend so casually. It is still very much considered wrong to do that outside of marriage. Of course, this would be mitigated some if she was not taught much about her Christian faith. I'm not saying it could never happen - just that if it did happen with a dedicated born again Christian, she'd have great, deep conflict about it. I understand that your book partially hinges on this....it's just something I noticed in regards to her being a Christian.

I'm wondering too - if a Christian asks a Jew about Jesus Christ - doesn't that offend the Jewish person? I know we're very careful in this regard, because most Jews consider it extremely offensive. Of course, I'm not sure I got how dedicated your MC is to Judaism, so that point could be moot.

I did get the sense that the fact she was a Christian was almost like an afterthought - except when it came to her making him promise not to kill people. This was the only time I ever saw her being passionate about her beliefs. That and the first time they meet and her asking him about Jesus is mentioned almost in passing.

I guess to me if she's a dedicated Christian she wouldn't be dating a man who isn't also a dedicated Christian. But I see that you really can't change that part - it can and does happen. But if it does there are more discussions on religion, or at least a discussion about agreeing to disagree - purposely steering clear of it.

Sorry about the ramble through my thoughts - I hope you don't mind. I thought you handled all the religions in your book respectfully.

Any of the things I mentioned you could just explain away with the fact that when people decide to do something they're usually going to just do it. Sometimes they don't follow all the tenets of their religion, etc.

:)
Sherry

HannahWar wrote 1288 days ago

Congratulations, indeed excellently written, beautiful details, elegant sentences, poised word choice, so completely on top of your writing. The only difficulty I have with this first chapter is that a heavily wounded man does not think in beautifully crafted sentences and clear images. It asks for unfinished, chaotic thoughts and interrupted images which usually demand a more unpolished style with wild, staccato sentences. But then again, perhaps I didn't read enough and you wanted to portray a thoroughbred gentleman even when he's at the point of death. The best of luck! Hannah

NMott wrote 1312 days ago

Hi, read you were after feedback.
Couple of tips. This is told in the 1st person so you don't need to put his unspoken words in italics - it's self evident to the reader it's him.
Secondly try to cut down on the number of words ending in '-ing' that you've used at the start of your sentences. It bugs the agents.
Good luck,
NaomiM

David Hough wrote 1319 days ago

A great thriller, Jose. It captures your imagination from the start. I must stop here, so I've watch listed it so that I can enjoy the rest later.
Good luck with this one.
David Hough
The Ghost on Warlock Hill

Stark Silvercoin wrote 1322 days ago

The Öbergemau Key has one of the best openings I’ve read so far on Authonomy. Author Jose Carlos Cavazos wastes no time in bringing readers right to the heart of the mystery. I found myself caring for the main character as he lay dying, even though I never met him before. I was glad when this didn’t turn out to be one of those books where the lead is dead and then there are a bunch of flashbacks. The opening is really cleverly done. Reading onward, it seems that Cavazos is a great mystery writer as well. This book moves between being a thriller (again, one of the best I’ve seen here) and a mystery that is both complex and realistic. In short, it’s a great read. My only comment beyond that is that I never figured out the significance of the Arabic symbols at the top of each chapter.

Terry Murphy wrote 1322 days ago

Dear Jose,

Great title, great cover and clever use of language. Intriguing opening too.

Bravo on reaching the 'Desk' and good luck with your HC review.

Terry
Weekend in Weighton

lj reads wrote 1326 days ago

You've obviously worked really hard on this book. Whew! I'm impressed!

La Marmonie wrote 1327 days ago

This is my first time on authonomy, so I just read two chapters. Very nice prose in Chapter One. I really like it, apart from the cliche in the first paragraph, "hurts like hell."

Looking forward to reading more.

Good luck.

Marilyn Rodwell

Shieldmaiden wrote 1327 days ago

Sorry it took so long to get to reading the book. But congrats on making it to the editors desk! I read the first two chapters and I thought they were excellent. I especially like the two bodyguards. They're charming. :D The whole narrative of the story was very well written, and I hope you make it into publishing. I wish you all the best.

--Shieldmaiden

Daniel Escurel Occeno wrote 1328 days ago

Congratulation!

Daniel Escurel Occeno – danielocceno@ymail.com (Pen Name: Enrique Gubat)

silver-gypsy wrote 1329 days ago

Wow... powerful first chapter. I couldn't stop. I liked the use of the german... it's interesting because I'm taking German this semester and I could actually read and understand it. :)

There are a couple of typos, but nothing really bad. Altogether, a solid read. Backed.

Nichole

TMNAGARAJAN wrote 1329 days ago

Congratulations
TMN
"NEVER LOSE..."

RJEK wrote 1329 days ago

Congrats man! Good luck to you.

Randeep wrote 1330 days ago

Congrats and best of luck!!

naveennayar wrote 1330 days ago

Congratulations, God Bless You:)-Naveen.

SingingOwl wrote 1330 days ago

Congratulations!

ccb1 wrote 1330 days ago

Jose, Congratulation!
CC Brown
Dark Side

rumbot wrote 1330 days ago

This is a neat concept. I think it could play well in various venues. It might need some editing, but that is fine.

Tom Balderston wrote 1330 days ago

Congratulations on your Selection. May it bring you to the masses.
Tom Balderston
The Wonder of Terra

John Meeks wrote 1332 days ago

It's difficult to comment with confidence since you've had to take down so much of the book. I understand that necessity but it leaves me a bit in the dark. I only have a couple of questions:1. Why wouldn't Lady Lesley tell everyone that there was no risk in storming the cabin at the end? 2. Sometimes your first person exposition sounds a bit forced. There are things that must be explained but perhaps you could do it with dialogue occasionally or try to make it sound more naturally part of the hero's musings.
The plot sounds involved but interesting and I wish I had been able to read more of material related to the world views. I am sure that adds a lot of texture and depth to the action.
You clearly deserve your high ranking. I back the book for sure.
John Meeks, Bogey's Final Gift

Karina_Evans wrote 1333 days ago

It's a shame I can't read at least the first chapter, as this would help with becoming accustomed to style etc. I've backed this book, as I very much like the detailed way that you write, although due to time constraints, I read only a few pages. With regards to punctuation, it's a personal thing, I probably over-punctuate and some people use it sparingly. Whichever, whatever, I don't think it's anything to worry about. I hope it all works out for you.

PS. I would much rather a spam message than a spam comment, just for future info.