Behind Every Illusion

I was drawn to this having written my own book about a psychic-medium teenager (mine is set in Salem, MA where I grew up). Having said that, your writing has a gentle air to it - perhaps that is the tone of your Tatiana - and it easily brings to mind the subject you write about - the world that hovers beyond our sight. I discovered a book called "The Novel Writer's Toolkit" by Bob Mayer that greatly helped me break down my story and really get the pacing right--which was hard. I've since revised and am much happier with my book. Yours is a great, great start and keep up the good work!! Best...Lynda Styles

An intriguing storyline done with talented writing. Easy to back.

Liz
The Cheech Room
A Fine Pickle

wow. This is an extremely well written book so far from what I've read. Very interesting plotlines indeed.

Your prologue is effective. Really did a good job of pulling me in.
I really think starting a book with the full name of the character is rather boring. YOu could simply twist the first sentence around and have it read: No one believed in the extrodinary when Tatiana Lewis was born. Simply twist and not so obvious right off the bat.
I think you write really well and I find it a shame that you clutter your dialogue with all the directions and tags. They aren't necessary. And often takes away from what is being said.

I enjoy the characters you have drawn, they are engaging and playful. I am thrilled to see how this developes.
The pitch is a hook all in itself but I think it needs a bit more, as in what the hell is she and what her abilities are. For example it is great to be vauge and try to draw a reader in, but you are being too vauge. Just give a snippet. Instead of using "Special Abilities" maybe state what some of them are. Picking this up I had no idea, is she a witch, a were, a vamp, a fay...
Just suggestions. but liked this enough to back it.
T.L Tyson-Seeking Eleanor

I commented 68 days ago

BOREDwith doing SNAP REVIEWS of vampire novels.

This week I plan to re-review.
Update my comments in light of immense improvements.
In return I need comments on later new chapters of The Free

So if you fancy an update.
Let me know

Good idea?.....................All the best.................Mikey

Mikey,

Thanks for reading my first chapters and for all the comments! I'm happy to hear that you liked what you read. I'm also happy (although I really hope you don't take this as arrogance!) that most of your critiques are solved further into the book. In fact, I think it probably shows you are very insightful since you noticed things that needed to change soon! For example, I "break out of the family" just a chapter or two later when Tatiana heads to college and meets someone very unlike her own family. And then there's a LOT more woods and lakes (as that's a VERY important part of the book!). And later on in the book we find Isaac isn't as perfect as he seems at first. :)

Again, thanks for all the advice! I love hearing from people.
Christy

Behind Every Illusion is a captivating and beautifully written read.
Great characterization of the siblings as things get weirder.

Suggestions.
I imagine you break out of the family or someone breaks in...if not
it would be too long just the 3 of them..in my opinion.
If I were you I would use nature a bit more, the lakes the woods.
e.g. her powers are stronger with the wind, moon or whatever.
The strength comes from the precise descriptions, vivid metaphors...keep it up!
Also if it was me I´d make her a little more fallible,
confused, pompous, jealous etc..
or whatever...more like us equals more endearing!
Isaac is a bit goody two shoes
sometimes..
But what will she find out...?.
It´s wide open.
She could find out about any hilarious horror or social scandal you choose!
If that's your line it's better she or she and Isaac keep it a secret.
Best luck with it....................Mikey

Karen -

Thanks for the helpful advice! It's funny with a book sometimes you write things that seem so natural to you and everyone else says "Why on earth would you do that???" So, when Tatiana discovers these abilities, MY automatic tendency was to think she'd hide it and not tell anyone. That's the story I had for her in my head all my life and just finally wrote down this year. It was one of those "well, of COURSE she'd hide it." And - as a brand new author who is VERY inexperienced - I was surprised to find other people questioning the things that just made sense to me. Her secrets being hidden from Isaac was always a question for people and I have struggled with whether to change the story to fit those particular critiques or not. Most of the time, I try to fix things in the book whenever people give me ideas; I'm very happy to receive help. This was one of those times I've not been quite sure. So I stuck with her keeping it a secret because in my mind I knew Tatiana was afraid that Isaac would treat her like a cool science experiment and pay way too much attention to her and she didn't want that.

Thanks again A TON for your helpful advice! I've loved all the comments from people. And to anyone who has written me and then not received a review back, I apologize. I just had a baby two weeks ago, I'm moving out of state in 7 days, and my life is totally chaotic. It's nothing personal!!!

Christina

Hello again,

I've read your third chapter and I thank you for your patience! I believe you have a lot of talent as a writer. I liked your characters, as I told you earlier. Because of these reasons, I've backed your novel.

I do have a little nit pick...Fiona, imo, comes to grips with her 'changes' much too quickly, while at the same time, she is acting bewildered by the emergence of her powers. It also didn't seem realistic that this girl who'd shared so much with her brother, wouldn't IMMEDIATELY tell him--at LEAST him--when she began to hear others' thoughts or run at the speed of light. Perhaps I'm too picky, though. :o) It bothered me, is all... especially after describing a relationship that was so close.

Best of luck to you.

Karen

Christina,

I've read the first two chapters of Behind Every Illusion, and will be back for more. :o) I love the sibling relationship in this story, and you've done a wonderful job creating the intimacy between brother and sisters. I look forward to discovering what Tatiana will become and what challenges she will face.

Best wishes.
Karen

This is a great idea for a story and well written. I will shelve it! Clare

Thanks for the very kind and helpful review! I will read through it carefully again and be sure to take your advice to heart.

Christina,

Great short pitch.

And what an incredible first chapter, you balance narrative and dialogue well, introduce the characters and propel the story along, always holding interest.

You end at the perfect point on Tatiana's interior dialogue (which is also well used throughout the chapter).

In chapter two, you have a paragraph beginning "Reaching the house", in which a line of Tatiana's dialogue is embeded. I'd split that line out to its own paragraph. A minor point but I think it separates Tatiana's action; the dialogue; and Bethany's "overheard" reaction.

Then later Bethany changes the subject - and you write, "Bethany asked, changing the subject when she saw Tatiana getting upset". I don't think you need the explanatory clause, the dialogue is good enough that the reader knows what she's doing and why.

Then after Bethany speaks of Tatiana's interest (or lack thereof) in boys, for a moment you slip into her PoV without indicating that Tatiana is "overhearing" her thoughts.

The way Tatiana starts uncomfortable with her mind reading ability, but soon is using it to try and pry into Isaac's mind is convincingly done.

The brief episode of back story at the beginning of chapter three, showing that Isaac, like Tatiana, is extraordinary (in a literal sense) is well handled.

Then the lengthening fingers, a more visible sign of something out of kilter.

And shortly afterwards it seems perhaps she's having trouble differtiating spoken word from thought.

And that's me at the end of the all too short snippet you've posted.

This is very good and it's getting a spin on my shelf.






Christina,

Great short pitch.

And what an incredible first chapter, you balance narrative and dialogue well, introduce the characters and propel the story along, always holding interest.

You end at the perfect point on Tatiana's interior dialogue (which is also well used throughout the chapter).

In chapter two, you have a paragraph beginning "Reaching the house", in which a line of Tatiana's dialogue is embeded. I'd split that line out to its own paragraph. A minor point but I think it separates Tatiana's action; the dialogue; and Bethany's "overheard" reaction.

Then later Bethany changes the subject - and you write, "Bethany asked, changing the subject when she saw Tatiana getting upset". I don't think you need the explanatory clause, the dialogue is good enough that the reader knows what she's doing and why.

Then after Bethany speaks of Tatiana's interest (or lack thereof) in boys, for a moment you slip into her PoV without indicating that Tatiana is "overhearing" her thoughts.

These are all minor nit-picks and the only things I found in a close reading of the whole posting.

The way Tatiana starts uncomfortable with her mind reading ability, but soon is using it to try and pry into Isaac's mind is convincingly done.

The brief episode of back story at the beginning of chapter three, showing that Isaac, like Tatiana, is extraordinary (in a literal sense) is well handled.

Then the lengthening fingers, a more visible sign of something out of kilter.

And shortly afterwards it seems perhaps she's having trouble differtiating spoken word from thought.

And that's me at the end of the all too short snippet you've posted.

This is very good and it's getting a spin on my shelf.

Dear Christina,

I have read your excerpt. Too bad there isn't more, so I could see where you go with this. You have chosen a very difficult subject, because there are a great many authors, on this site and others, dealing with the same idea: a young person having to cope with new powers. Most of them are quite predictable.

I really like your main character, and find her reactions quite believable. The interaction of the siblings is realistic.

A point: your Prologue serves no purpose. A Prologue is supposed to set the scene, introduce the conflict, spark the themes. There is little in your prologue that isn't restated in the first two paragraphs.

Good luck with this. If you decide to upload more, please let me know.

Christina,

What a wonderful start here. Your story, characters and descriptions are captivating and the reader is left wanting to know more. I do believe that you could tighten up the writing a bit and the flow of the story could run a bit smoother, but overall this is very good.

Lockjaw

I think you could chop some of the sentences at the beginning. For example, the first 3 sentences confused me. No one believes in the extraordinary... yet there is belief in gods and also, Tatiana's mother thinks she's an angel. This seemed at odds with the first sentence. I would tend to either strike the philosophy and get to the story immediately, or explain what you mean about the gods a bit more. You could add that to the prologue, and keep chapter 1 more in the active world.

Thanks for all the great advice! This is my first novel (first anything, really) and I know the beginning is a bit slow. I will work through that philosophy slush and see what I can do to have it make more sense!

Wow, this is an eerie, sad, and possibly very beautiful tale. I like Tatiana. I find her gentle, bewildered, caring and of course perseptive! I also saw the 'one summer, one summer' typo, in addition to this- I think you could chop some of the sentences at the beginning. For example, the first 3 sentences confused me. No one believes in the extraordinary... yet there is belief in gods and also, Tatiana's mother thinks she's an angel. This seemed at odds with the first sentence. I would tend to either strike the philosophy and get to the story immediately, or explain what you mean about the gods a bit more. You could add that to the prologue, and keep chapter 1 more in the active world.
I will back this! Good luck with it!

Well m'dear, I have read some of your lovely story. It is an interesting twist--a slightly grown up fantasy, but still soft and gentle--so far. I think you have something good going here. I think that as you work with this and polish it up it will be a nice story. You have afew typos (for example chapter one you have One summer, ..,...decided to go one summer...). These are little things easily fixed. I am happy to back this and put it on my shelf in hopes to encourage you to write on,
Barbara
The Sea Pillow