Bill,

I've said it before, and I'll say it again. You are a prolific writer. The skill you've displayed in writing your story is quite impressive. Your novel just keeps getting better and better.

R.A. Battles view book

Joshua,

As I visualize myself in a bookstore or on Amazon.com reading pitches and deciding how I want to spent my month’s allowance on books, your work is a stand out. Not only have you sold your work with your sharply written pitches, you deliver the goods with your stellar writing and your storytelling skills.

I’m happy to back this fine piece of work.

R.Battles
view book

Ted,

After reading your pitches and perusing your chapters, I'm happy to place your work onto my shelf.

R.A. Battles view book

Nick,

Based on your pitches and the strength of your writing, I'm happy to back Where She Lies without expecting anything in return.

R.A. Battles view book

Peter,

I like your pitches. Your writing kept me reading your chapters. Your wit and humor forced me to place this entertaining piece of work on my shelf. Laughter ain't milk, but it does a body just as good.

R.A. Battles
view book

E.M.


One Wrong Turn has been on my shelf for a few weeks now, and I’m happy to keep it there. Writing is a skill that can be learned over time. Storytelling, on the other hand, is an innate talent that only a few writers ever master. You’ve clearly proven that you know how to tell a story that keeps readers turning the pages.

Your short pitch is money in the bank, but it should be writen in the present tense.

[It's hard to imagine Phillip Murphy's life can be spiraling out of control like it is. All he does is make one wrong turn.]

You’ve done a good job of synopsizing the key plot points of the story in your full pitch; however, I think it could be tweaked and tightened up just a little to give it a little more “wow.” In my opinion, Slick’s name should be mentioned since he is a key character in the beginning of the story. Pitches for contemporary ficion should always be written in the present tense. Here are my thoughts.

Following a divorce, two jobless years spent living in his parent's basement and playing all the video games he can stand, things are improving for Phil. After landing a great paying job on the other side of the country, Phil stops in Atlanta to see Slick, an old friend he hasn't seen in ten years.

Slick receives a call from Phil to get directions, but the next time Slick sees his friend, Phil’s face is plastered all over the news. Vehicular homicide is a pretty serious charge in the southern metropolis around election time, especially when it is committed by a dope smoking outsider from Denver, Colorado in a sports car. The fact that Phil insists he is innocent is ignored. It seems he’s good fortune has been short-lived and he doesn’t have any idea what is in store for him next. Within a week, he’ll be accused of killing again; this time however, in cold blood.

Rodney
view book

Here's to a great title, great pitches, and some damn good writing. You are a prolific writer.

Rodney B. view book

Bill,

I think I was the first member to back the Doctor of Summitville 796 days ago. I’m happy to see that not only have you persevered here; you’ve continued to write, rewrite, edit and earn the support of members with just hard work.

I’ve looked at my original comments this morning and read five of your current chapters. Although the story has not changed, the current version of your novel is pretty stellar. The short pitch provides a nice hook that makes a reader want to read the full pitch. The full pitch is simply brilliant! Without wasting words, you introduce the reader to Dr. Martin and provide a little insight into his persona. More importantly, you make the reader aware of the doctor’s goals and desires then you clearly present the conflict and obstacles he faces.

Your chapters are well-written and demonstrate your grasp of what I call the Big 4: voice, character development, good storytelling (plot), and craft. I’m happy to place this compelling and suspenseful novel on my shelf again.

One suggestion, if you don’t mind. If you do a FIND or a SEARCH for “ly” (without the quotation marks) in your chapters, you’ll find there are still a lot of adverbs that end with “ly.” If you can eliminate as many of the “ly” adverbs as you can and replace them with words that show instead of tell, readers will be even more likely to keep turning the pages.

I’d like to give you kudos for the work you’ve done on your novel. It deserves to reach the editors’ desk.

Rodney
view book

Al,

This is a compelling piece of work and a book that I would be happy to purchase for my bookshelf. view book

Al,

You epitomize the real value of what members here like to see from our peers. Thank you kindly for your critique and your thoughtful comments on my work.

Here’s hoping that my backing for Savannah Fire will get your work noticed and published.

Rodney B.
view book

Stephen,

After reading your pitches and the first five chapters, I'm happy to place Thinking Like A Wildebeest on my shelf. Here are my comments.

First, and above everything else, you’ve demonstrated a unique ability to write dialogue without using dialogue tags. This alone distinguishes you as a unique writer. I love the way you use words to paint images of people, places, and things in a reader’s mind.

Just a few nits. I hope you find them helpful.

Based on your short pitch, a man (who we come to know as Matt Fish) is obsessed with a woman named Deirdre Barlow. The full pitch takes some weird turns by mentioning a couple of characters who seem to be secondary. I think readers will need to better understand the real conflict of the story. Is it between Matt and Deirdre, Matt and Anna, or Matt and Joseph? Why is Mary mentioned in the full pitch? Her character doesn’t appear to be critical to the synopsis.

Chapter 1

The half a dozen gamblers milling about froze instantly, and stared. (The comma is not needed.)

The assistant’s jaw fell open, and then the comments started. I’d tweak this just a little to read . . . The assistant’s jaw fell open and the comments started.

“Bloody hell, that’s even less likely than Henman winning Wimbledon!” I’d tweak this to read . . . “Bloody hell! That’s even less likely than Henman winning Wimbledon.”

A GENERAL NOTE: Try to use exclamation points sparingly. They are important to convey a character’s emotions, but used too often, they can be distracting.

Sven’s England had released the Genie from the bottle.

The World Cup kicked off in Germany in six days time. The gamble would remain a closely guarded secret until he collected his winnings. (These three sentences threw me off a bit and don’t seem congruent with the information you’ve conveyed to readers in sentences that precede and follow them. Maybe it’s just me.)

Just a little note on song titles, CD titles, and movie and book titles. Unless they are used in dialogue, song titles should be bracketed with quotation marks. CD, movie, and book titles should be italicized.

These small nits aside, I think this novel has tremendous potential. Your work deserves all the praise it’s receiving here.

Rodney
view book

Jennifer,

I've just finished reading the first four chapters of your novel. I like your pitches, and your writing kept me scrolling and wanting to what happens next. You have crafted a nice piece of work, which I'm happy to back.

Rodney B. view book

Susie,

Although you have amassed in impressive number of backings, you haven’t received a lot of constructive critiques. I know you’ve edited your memoir innumerable times, but before your work is reviewed by an HC editor, there are four technical errors in your writing that you might want to take look at.

OVERUSED WORD

The first sentence in your first chapter reads: “I don’t want my babies to be born in a rowboat, Byron!” Mama wailed, as her labor pains got harder.

The first sentence in your next paragraph reads: Chilled to the bone, as they sat on the icy water, her family of five was shivering, and NOT happy.

The word “as” is one of the most overused words in writing. You’ve not only used this word countless times throughout your memoir, you’ve preceded it with a comma in most cases, which technically is incorrect.

EXCLAMATION POINTS

The often overused exclamation point can add punch to a sentence when used judiciously. Exclamation points should be used in dialogue where there IS NO dialogue tag. For example: "I can't believe you did that!"

The fourth paragraph in your first chapter reads: Shut up, Jenny! You’re scaring the fish!” Daddy threatened, as he shook his fist at her and lit up another Camel.

Daddy threatened is a dialogue tag, therefore this sentence should read: “Shut up, Jenny. You’re scaring the fish,” Daddy threatened as he shook his fist at her and lit up another Camel.

ALL CAPS

The second paragraph in your first chapter reads: Chilled to the bone, as they sat on the icy water, her family of five was shivering, and NOT happy. This is just one example where you’ve used all caps

The word “not” should be italicized for emphasis, not capitalized. Writing in all caps is like shouting.

QUOTATION MARKS

The primary purpose of quotation marks is to frame a piece of dialogue. You’ve used quotation marks to designate things or actions that would read just fine without the quotation marks.

Examples:

Mama tried to “breathe,” to ease her labor pains.

He called her “Tony.”

Mama could hardly walk, as she endeavored to “breathe” to slow her labor pains and to keep her “kidlets” in tow.

You’ve worked hard to get to the editors’ desk. I hope you will take these comments in the spirit in which they are given. Your work should not just sparkle, it should shine.

Rodney B.
view book

Joel,

Happy to re-back your novel. Good luck in your quest to reach the editors' desk.

Rodney B. view book

Marita,

Behind The Hood is a brilliant piece of work. In my opinion, it has the three key elements that get editors’ and agents’ attention: story, voice, and craft.

You’ve fleshed out your characters in a way that allows readers to easily connect to them and the casual dialogue is written the way people really talk. GREAT JOB!

I like everything about this novel. Technically, the writing is spot on. The pitches and the story are compelling, the characters and their plights really stand out, and there’s just the right amount and mix of humor, conflict, and suspense to keep readers turning the pages. You’ve evoked all of the senses and many of the sixty-nine human emotions. The harsh language and scenes have been tastefully injected to give this story the right amount of flavor.

Good luck with this well-crafted crime story. It deserves to be published. Backed with pleasure.

Rodney Battles

view book

Amanda,

Happy to place your book on my shelf. A few suggestions for you to consider:

Your short pitch is a little too generic and needs a little more of a hook. I don’t think any woman wants to ruin her figure if she is happy with it.

A little more background on Amanda is needed in your full pitch. How old is she. Does she work? Is she married?

Your full pitch is partially written in the present tense and partially in the past tense. I’d suggest you write the pitch in one tense or the other, but not both. You also need to break your full pitch into 3-4 paragraphs with a line of "white space" between eachparagraph.

The ups and downs and her raw emotions are written in detail, (the comma should be a period. See how she copes/coped should be a new sentence.

In your chapters, you might want to eliminate as many of the words that are in all caps as you can and use italics for emphasis. I also think the use of multiple dots is distracting. A three-dot ellipsis is a suitable form of punctuation and is usually used in a piece of dialogue in which the character who is speaking stops talking before they finish a sentence.

Lastly, there are several places in your pitch and your chapters where numbers need to be spelled out.

Hope these comments are helpful.

Rodney Battles
view book

I've shelved NOT A MAN because I believe in supporting writers whose skills and talent are obvious to the most casual observers.

Rodney B. view book

Hi Jane,

I hope you'll forgive me for being one of the late saints of "Samael" who has finally come marching in to support this fascinating and compelling piece of work.

Rodney B. view book

Mary,

Although I backed Qualities Of Wood in its earlier days here, I've revisited it and am happy to back it again.

Rodney B. view book

Happy to back your work.

Rodney B. view book