Hiya

What you have here is original, fresh, and exciting. I love the fact that you made life just a dream, and there is really more after death. This is well written and doesn't have any things to comment about other than the fact that it has a lot of promise. The only thing I would suggest is to maybe explain what the other language is earlier, for the readers, maybe not the character, but at least so we know what is going on a little bit better.

-Shadowchime view book

Hiya


Congrats on being published. I can clearly see why. This book is very good, it had me wanting to know what happens next! When it comes out I am recommending this to my mother, she loves thrillers/murder case stories.Your characters are great and I immediately connected with Moni. I only read a few chapters however because of the racial injustice. It's perfect and it shows how much Moni has to deal with. But being half black myself, the prejudice was just too close to home and I was often becoming angry and upset because of Sneed. This story is very real and it impacted me greatly. That's the making of a best seller.


-Happy future writing

-Shadowchime view book

Hiya

This is a review on 1-4

So far, this book is everything it needs to be. It's written well, polished, and pretty much perfect. You hooked me right away! I usually can't stand horror but I could read this...and that's something. You have a great story here, one of the few that kept me interested enough to want to come back. Good job Joshua! The story is original and intriguing. I love how you never reveal to much, and keep enough things new to happen to keep the mystery. The flow and pacing is perfect as well. This will definitely go somewhere!

I only have one thing I disliked. The boyfriend-muscles-football guy. He was a little bit to much cliche. I think you should change his persona. Keep him cocky and a jerk, but don't make him the same old jock stereotype. I'm begging you to change this. The girl has blue hair for sake! Make him a rocker, indie, hipster dude or something. She doesn't seem like the type to date a jock. He could be one of those rocker dudes that only cares about performing in his crappy/nonexistant band and getting high. He could be that stereotype, and still annoy Blake. Just tired of seeing jocks in stories like this, with the girl the MC wants. Make him a rocker or something else...please. Jock is too mainstream.


Good luck
Shadowchime view book

Hiya

Your story is original and nicely polished. The characterization is good and it's easy to connect with Tyson. You write clear and it is easy to understand your story. Good opening paragraph. Got me hooked right away. The story was very good from what I read so far. It's interesting and there is never a dull moment. Everything in the story is important or describes the character further. Good luck with this. It will do well in YA.
rates 6 stars

-Shadowchime
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Hiya,
this was for my pitch me post..dont forget to return the favor. =]

So I read 1-3. You are an excellent writer. Your work is very polished. You have an immense knowledge of things, and it shows nicely in your work. I found it to be entertaining even though I can't stand things about politics. I loved the interactions with Brad. The poem was beautiful. But I am really confused as who is Lucy? She wasn't mentioned in the pitch and I've yet to figure out who she was..That was the only part I was confused bc the book starts off with her. I probably would have found out if I had read more but I am behind in my reviews. However the ending of chapter 3 was great and I love how it went with the poem.

This is a promising book so far and I wish you the best of luck with it. Sorry this is short but I usually only write really long reviews if the book needs lots of help. Yours doesn't. =]
-Shadowchime
Far From Normal, More Than Special view book

Hiya,

For Pitch me review. Don't forget to return!

Okay, so this isn't really my kind of story. It's a great idea and you have great characters, so I think this has a good amount of potential, but I just couldn't get into it.

It's of course very original. You write well and I didn't notice any word issues. You have an amazing plot from the pitch.

Only have a few suggestions:

This first chapter is boring. It was hard for me to get through it... I suggest adding a bit more action. It was interesting when she started to dig and find things. The sudden voices was interesting but confusing. The ending didn't hook me.

Chapter two was very interesting, especially when Ana comes along. This is when it picks up. However the story still didn't hook me and I didn't wish to read on. No offense. That's just me, don't take it personally.

Billy stared at her like a drug store Indian - don't know what this means. Seems racist/stereotypical and should be taken out or written differently.

Sorry this review was so short. -_- I honestly believe you have a good story and idea but it just wasn't for me.

-Shadowchime view book

Hiya

1-6

This was a very intriguing read. I loved the characters. Jazz and Bex are easy to connect and relate to and fun to read their conversations. Frank sounds perfect high school crush. I love how he's got more to him then whats on the surface. Alot of novels have the most popular boy in school end up with the main character but you've connected them in a different way..she has powers and she shares it with him...

The only thin about it s that maybe he accepts it too quickly? or is there more to him then he's letting on?

The twins were interesting and I almost immediately felt worried about them when bill stepped outside. You have a way with words that is drawing and compelling. Easy to feel the fear they felt and want to save them, even though they had only just spoke in that one chapter. That's amazing.

Auroch is scary but at the same time you can tell he cares for Jazz which makes him less intimidating.

I love the idea, her power is unique because it has many levels to it and it has many potential abilities you can play with in your writing.

So far from what I've read I've liked it. I hope this goes far! Will be back to continue when I can

Best wishes,
Shadowchime view book

Funny, brilliant, and insulting. I actually read the whole thing on your website, opened the book, and hey it's basically the website in book form! Great job. I think you should shorten your website though so that it's not the same exact thing, and that way you can sell your book by saying..hey did you like that bit i posted on the web...then buy the rest! or in this case...get on authonomy, read the rest , then back it!

6 stars

-Shadowchime view book

Hiya.

So far the story you have is interesting. I believe it is a good idea, and you write very well.

The only thoughts I have are,

How does Jake know automatically that it was his friend that was hurt? If their are other mermaids, as mentioned at the end of chapter 3, how is he sure it is her? Also how does he know there are others?

I think you should draw out Jake and Melissa's time together. Make it 2 chapters maybe, with more detail and them getting to know eachother. Then finish off with the part about him offending her.
I found his feelings for her very provocative and real. It makes us want to know what he's going to do about how he feels, and this needs to be built up a bit more.
If you draw out their time together, the readers will feel more connected to the situation and be truly upset when she gets her, but once again, he needs to have a better way of figuring out that it was actually Melissa that was captured.
A little more emotion should be shown when he thinks she is dead.

Otherwise it was easy to read, pleasantly written, and has a lot of promise.

5 Stars
-Shadowchime


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After reading chapter one, here is my opinion so far.
Pitch= Your pitch is confusing. I think you should write it in more simpler terms.

Beginning: Love the idea of the Prophecy. I believe you should just stick with the short names at first for the characters. Later you can explain what their real names are. The flow gets cut a bit with the long names even though they are interesting.
It is a bit hard to follow at first.
The language is beautiful, but a bit too wordy.

I can tell you have a good original world created with detail. Maybe you could make the language a bit more modern so readers could understand it better. It would make it a bit more universal. I enjoy stories like this, and I love how Tallid has visions with the ink stirring and how he has younger students.

You have a great character there…Gregyn. Your characterization is good and you should focus on that with him. I honestly began to enjoy the story a lot better when his point of view began. I had trouble understanding what was going on until then.



I became hooked once the relationship between Gregyn and the others were established. His hatred for them, and the brief mention and what was done to him when he was little, made me curious as to what happened and what he was going to do next.

-I will be back with chapter 2 evaluations later
Shadowchime
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Jim,

The world that you've created is very original and interesting. It is a shame not to share it with the rest of the world. There are very few original ideas in this day and age. You have a great way with words and talent. The characters are real. Your setting is unique, you took a risk and chose a setting most people are afraid to write about because they've never experienced it.
Self publish?

-Shadowchime view book

Your story is so face paced, and your chapters are short, so I easily read 10 chapters in a few minutes.
I found it exceedingly interesting and your characters are good/real. I love the afterworld you created. The idea of being able to still go around the world and do what you want with the people you used to know...is incredible. However I began to be confused around chapter 6. You hit us with way too many facts at once. But it kept me interested. And By chapter 10 I was confused about the world. Why are alive people able to be talked to by dead people and vice versa? They can change events too...which opened up many more complications. I had too many questions that wanted to be answered... and when that happens I have to take a break from reading. However the characters interested me enough to want to return

Well done and Good Luck.
-Shadowchime
5 stars! view book

Hiya.

This is a short comment, but eh.

I think this story is pretty wonderful. I was interested to see what happens next. I can see someone like Disney making this into a tv show or animated movie. Why? Because it's brilliant. I can easily imagine this as a movie in my head while I am reading, and I usually can't do that with most stories. You should raise the age to 7 or 8 to 13. This story has a lot going for it. I loved stories about magic when I was little and this is something anyone would enjoy.

I saw some of your comments on other books and was going to ask you to take a look at mine. Then I saw this and thought what the heck I should read it. Only read a couple chapters but I can tell it's something special.

-Miss.Chievous
Far From Normal, More Than Special. view book

This is a cute story. Easy to read. Can four year olds whistle???I didn't learn how until I was 13. >.<
MAJA!

-Miss.Chievous
Far From Normal, More Than Special view book

Hiya.

I have read your first chapter and since it is long, I decided I would comment already. Bear in mind I'm certainly not an expert and these are just suggestions.
So here goes.
I love they way you write. It draws attention to your story. I enjoy a lot of detail and information and you gave just that. Magic stories are my cup of tea. I will def end up backing.

Separate your paragraphs a bit more.. You have some ones that are very long and because of this I was tempted to skip to the next one.

I think your story would be much better if you switched around the way you opened up.
I'm thinking:

Start off with the paragraph about his grandfather. Maybe start off with him in the current state remembering his grandpa and then go into info about him. But mostly I was thinking you should start with the part about his grandpa-then parents-then gemma. You gave a large amount of information on his childhood and left behind the current time, so I think it would be better if you had this at the start.

Then after you finish off his history before the school, go into the part about him sitting at the ink stained desk. Maybe include his age now to show how much time has passed because I couldn't tell how old he was.

Explain why he has the bird and why it can talk to him a bit sooner..I was confused for a while about the first italics.

When the seer comes up(the first one you mention), there is a part where her speech is interrupted and Xavier wakes up. Then she continues talking and he wakes up again. What happened here? Was she talking to him,making him fall asleep and when he wakes up she is still there, talking only to finish when he wakes up again? I doubt you meant it to be like that and maybe you had two different ideas on how you wanted him to wake up after the visit from the seer? Pick one that you like the most. =]

This story has promise and I will def be back to read more. I would love it if you returned a read.

Best wishes,
Shadowchime view book

Meaghan,
I found your book easy to read, so it didn't take long to read the three chapters you have posted. The story and characters are interesting, though some things don't seem overly original.
I know you've been told about the mixing of past and present tense, but I'll say it again anyway. There were also a few typos that can be easily fixed.
If you post more I'll keep reading, and I hope you spend some time editing what you have already. It's worth the effort.

Cora

Thanks Cora. I'll take your advice. Also I've changed the plot and I am looking forward to your input on the next few chapters. =] I think then you will find it more original. view book

Thank you for your input Susan! I'll keep that in mind when I write the next few chapters. view book

Thank you so much J.C.
I didn't realize I was writing like that! Actually I meant to write completely in past tense. However when she dreams I meant to keep it in present. I think I am going to fix everything so that it is in past tense. Thanks for the editing tips.
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