Not something I would read from choice being a conventional soul but there's plenty of zany characterisation in the dialogue if I can call it that, and a well-described world within a world. Could be a hit. backed with best wishes. lynn view book
Each story has its own themes and pre-occupations, subtle but there.Your characters are clear and differentiated, the settings letting us know exactly where we are. The only thing I missed was hearing how your characters speak. Dialogue is not as important in short stories as full-length novels and you can easily get away with these stories as they are. But a little dialogue at significant points would, I think, improve them. For example, in 'Wonder Mom', where she remonstrates with Florence for her wall art, it comes immediately to life. Excellent, though. Backed. Lynn view book
Dorian is haunted by the song and your prologue haunts us.His icy hands , speed of movement , his pallor and the changing colour of his eyes is subtly suggested. At first we're not quite sure what it is about his appearance that's strange to humans, like the people who cross themselves as he passes.But it's all the more eerie for that. Very eerie when he springs into the tree to go hunting. Brilliant narrative. Backed. Lynn view book
There's an ancient feel with the obsession for bricks like the Albigensians who built the first cathedrals . There's also great significance in water and in using the right word so as not to give offence. This gives an ominous feel - people are wary of doing and saying the wrong thing. Will it cause them to be lead in chains to the hierophant?We can even hear the cracking of the crystal lamps. Priests in indigo robes; hierophants in towers; morning-flower tea; the sledge like a swan constructed of bricks; the 'beckoning path' to the Kulla tower, these are few of the exotic and gorgeous images.It's a very strange world but clearly envisaged. Excellent writing. Backed. lynn view book
Neil, your pitch is excellent. I've read the first fours chapters and I think you've got a winner of a book. It's well-written but light, exciting and even - dare I say it - commercial.The plot as it unfolds at the beginning, with Rachel lured under the promise of an audition into a situation where she is almost raped is something which could well happen in Hollywood. It could probably happen in England now, with Equity undermined. At first we're certain that the casting director is the man who's been watching Rachel in the burger bar. Then it turns out that he's the hero of the situation. A clever twist and suspenseful. I'm sure this will do well. All it needs is a dramtic cover. Backed. Lynn view book
This reminded me so much of the start of Jane Eyre, the yearning of a lonely child trying to make her way safely through the stern world of adults.It's so touching, little Sally by herself in the library trying to reach the book about Lincoln. It's the sort of image that stays with you long after you've stopped reading. Very best. Backed. lynn view book
It's strange that Aaron should be so interesting because good people in books aren't supposed to be. I think you might have it wrong about Jesus being boring, though. Considering people have been reading about him for 2,000 years, I think he must be the greatest character in literature. I've read only the first story but it's quite an achievement. Not easy to make someone universally lovable, especially in alcoholic living in squalor. But we see exactly what you mean. Backed. lynn view book
Faux, you write with great intensity, both emotionally and descriptively, but there was a sentence in the second paragraph, at the start of your book, that I wasn't convinced by - '...every mote is a spotlight aimed directly into my eyes.' The dictionary defines 'mote' as 'a tiny speck' which does not seem to be a property of light, especially if you mean motes of dust, which absorb light. Sorry if I'm being pedantic but it didn't ring true for me. It was the only bit that didn't. I only point it out because I think it mars an excellent book. BAcked. Lynn view book
You say Jade is trained to be heartless and there's something about the short, breathless narrative that backs that up. There's something angry about it as with the first person, egotistic yet confiding. There's vulnerability. Something, she doesn't know what, stopped her from killing her target. She has little will of her own outside that of the clan's and admits it. She's a fascinating character who'll probably develop considerably. Backed. Lynn view book
I feel like you about people who have no curiosity to know more and also those who force their beliefs upon us, though most of that comes from atheists, who ironically have none. I'm glad you understand advanced science and can put it in an intelligible form for people like me and then apply it to your beliefs.I intend to read all you've posted. I want proof not faith. Backed. lynn view book
What a fabulous atmosphere of post-war London. We think of it as the good old days, certainly days when people had respect for the police. They've probably got more respect now.There's something about the dialogue that seems right for the period - it's subtle but there, similar to that heard in old British films. Crick's hatred of criminals is understandable, especially since most people are willing to go without through rationing. I've read only the first chapter up to now but i intend to read more. It's so rare a read, I'm sure it will do well. backed. Lynn view book
I'm very impressed that you translated the Kaddish. What you say about engineers carrying things in their top pocket isn't a myth - I used to work in a drawing office and they all had their pockets stuffed with 'useful' items though it never registered with me till you mentioned it. And only an engineer could think the length of a train a useful thing to know.Your writing is so calm and effortless and amusing. I hope more than just those interested in engineering read it. Backed with best wishes, Lynn view book
Very real and very creepy - the sting on Paige's leg in the derelict house, her shadow smiling at her. And what's got into Justin at the end of chapter one?The dialogue and description is excellent and there's foreboding all through - Alec's days are numbered, that we know. Only criticism was the change from past to present tense in the narrative when Justin is getting beaten by Billy at the beginning of ch1.Apart from that, a great atmopheric thriller. Backed. Lynn view book
Laughed when I learned Errol's name is actually Derrick. The anger that you describe at the beginning is the sort that 's led to inner-city shootings nowadays. It's the sort of anger I often feel, but for your protagonist.I would have said this isn't my sort of book but it is. I've read only the first chapter so far and up to now I hate every single one of them but your writing is stirring and eloquent and brilliant. Will read on but back it now. Hope it's published soon. lynn view book
Sorry, but I had to laugh at Ineen bewailing the victory of the English over the Armada. Not much changes, does it?The historical fiction on here is brilliant, but this must be one of my favourites, partly because I know so little of Irish history and none from this era. You write with such ease, especially the dialogue. You don't try to replicate the speech of the time, though I suppose it wasn't all that different. But this is colloquial and vibrant. Have read only the first chapter because it's bedtime, but will continue tomorrow. Backed with best wishes, lynn view book
It's extremely romantic, with the ball and Connie in her pink dress. You capture the self-dramatising of youth, even to Tchaikovsky playing in Douglas' mind. To Connie it seems the worst thing in life is that she might not see this stranger again. Yet we know from your pitch there'll be misfortunes.Excellent dialogue, believable characters and a lovely ambience. backed. Lynn view book
Barely any dialogue in the first chapter (that's as far as I've got), but when the narrator's voice is so strong it's not needed. Ruthless images, even cruel, the characterisation is vivid, their thoughts and feelings and fears are vivid. The tree speaks and it's all part of this extraordinary tale. Brilliant. Backed. Lynn view book
Yes, only someone with a sense of humour would create accordian music. I love this. It reminds me of Lewis Carroll with the mad characters and dialogue that nevertheless makes perfect sense. The Statue of Levity - simply ingenious. I don't know what to gollow is but it sounds right. Backed. Lynn view book
Reading this, even through the beautiful descriptions of the snow and the homely food for New Year, runs tension. You've got it between the lines so that the eventual outburst comes as no surprise. That's not to say it's not terrifying. How telling, the suitcase packed and hidden. Wonderful narrative and atmosphere, along with a compelling portrait of an abuser. Brilliant. Backed. Lynn view book
It's as if you're talking and I could listen to you for hours. Your characters live, far more so than if you'd given them dialogue. 'Gums ablaze'- wonderful. Backed. Lynn view book