Dear Spilota

I am sorry that we have not been better aquainted these months past, for your writing is sensuous and delightful, brimming with promise and intriguing possibility. I love the way you write about your characters, with care and a light touch which still manages to be convincing.

There is a tiny hint of Mills and Boon, though, so watch that. I doubt that even the most saintly king would allow his new wife to speak of treason and hatred and remain unmoved. Perhaps, though, he might sense the need for silence so that he may discover all the details, waiting until the story is finished, much as a spy master might, who does not want to leap in too soon and miss the end of the story.....

I am not entirely convinced, either that dear Richard would be quite so candid about the fate of his nephews, nor that he would spill the story of their fate all at once. Diplomacy and tact would caution him against that, I suspect. You have perhaps missed an opportunity here, too, to add drama. Why not have the news come out slowly, at all the worst times, so that Richard is tested....there is scope then, to play him and his family, and his new wife, against him, until he manages to convince them he is (a) not truly guilty and (b) that he has truly repented...true love winning out in the end, if you see what I mean.

Beware of rushing. You do not have to give us the whole background in the first two paragraphs. You can thread it through the conversation more slowly, more cautiously....

"Allow it to be done properly - and legally" does not ring true. He would be legally within his rights to kill such a treasonous adversary. Perhaps you might say ... with dignity. And, "I beg of you" is just a bit too much of a cliche, which reminds me of over acting. You might try something like, I pri'thee...."

A delightful read around a very interesting "What If" which I have not encountered before. You manage to say something a bit different, which given the tidal wave of Tudor themed literature, is a considerable and admirable achievement, sire.

High marks and on my WL in perpetuity.

Bless you

Fran xx :) view book

Dear Judith

I just popped in to take a quick look at your latest offering, "Regularly Scheduled Program" and have read the first two and a half chapters. I have popped this on my WL and rated it for now, so that I can come back and read some more soon.

Meantime, some comments? This is very dynamic, with a great story line, good pacing and interesting characters with plenty of room for development. I like the setup.

Remember, though, to stay in character. Would Tracy use the expression "cerebral palsy" about a baby brother she has just met, and is struggling to cope with? Somehow, I think she would be more likely to confess to John, "He has something wrong with his legs and his head flops all over the place...." rather than say, "He has cerebral palsy...." which is a strange, difficult to spell expression that means so many different things, and which most people don't actually understand at all.

Also, "rust coloured eyes" sounds, I dunno, not very flattering.

Read aloud to check for places where a full stop would do better than a comma; and beware of making too many assumptions about what your readers will understand. In the miltary context, you can take quite a bit for granted, but some of the lingo is a little too loose to be easily understood. Reading aloud will help you to slow it down just enough to make it an easier read. The eye sometimes needs time to catch up, if you know what I mean.

I like this, though, so please keep going with it. I plan to come back and read a bit more soon. Meantime, best of luck, and thanks for posting this!

Fran xx :) view book

Dear Ben

I have had a look at your first four chapters and have enjoyed your strong character, his clear voice and clever, ironic turn of phrase. There is sadness buried there, but not showing its face. What a lot goes on inside Bryan's head.

You have worked hard on this, I can tell. It works very well altogether, and there is a creeping suspense that pulls the reader in, even in phrases such as "polyurethane's like rubber, it can be stretched and moulded into shape without breaking." I love the double meanings, the subtle menace in your writing. Really well considered.

I have only a couple of suggestions to offer, and these you can take or leave as you wish. Firstly, if you read the first chapter aloud, you may find there are areas of snagging, repeats you don't need. (There will be repeats that you want to keep, and others that maybe impede the flow of the writing.) I know that your MC is feeling a bit at sea, but, you can leave that impression intact, while working on the flow of the writing. so that the eye travels more easily....

Secondly, very occasionally, you use a phrase or expression that Bryan simply would not, even though he obviously loves words and is very fond of reading. He is only a teenager, and his language and style are very much those of his generation, so beware of using expressions that he wouldn't know. For example, a phrase in chapter 1 ..."save for the steady glow of street lights...." "save" is a bit too old fashioned for him. Again, reading aloud would help with that, as it strengthens the voice. Since the MC's voice is the only voice here, your challenge is to keep the narrator's voice out of Bryan's head.

This stays on my WL. High stars. Your writing just gets better all the time, hon! xx :) view book

Dear Lizzie

I have read a bit of your offering "Primark and Prejudice" which I see is taking Autho by storm. And like Jane Keenan who commented earlier, I am swithering too.

I love Jane Austen's P&P, have read the book umpteen times, and watched Colin Firth getting wet. I also seen the film with Keira Knightley......I would rather read the original P&P and find myself rather vexed that you even went so far as to use their original names, the same starting point, the same points of view. You have even given Lydia a large chest, which is Julia Sawalha all over again. Pity.

There is another offering on Autho that doesn't mind making references to the original and taking liberties,"Pemberley Polluted" by Emma Arnold. Emma has succeeded in creating something original and amusing because she resists the urge to start at the beginning, and has no qualms about looking at things differently. As a spoof, it works well because, despite being obviously derived from the original, has a different point of view and feels like something new. Perhaps the parallels you offer here are just too obvious for my taste.

I know I am in the minority here, maybe because I have read sooooo many books. Sorry if you are disappointed, and best of luck!

Fran :-)

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Dear Jane

It is a pleasure to be the first to comment on your new offering, "I Don't Want to Be Here". I can really sympathise with your MC, and with what she has to go through each day. Your writing is competent, careful and thoughtful, and there is no doubt that you have here the makings of something good.

However, I found it rather difficult to stay involved, perhaps because I felt that, although you were, understandibly, sketching the first chapters so that you could get to the main story, you could slow down and fill in a bit more detail, make more of the characters' early lives together. At the moment, especially in the first chapter, the text feels a bit disjointed, making sympathy for your MC that bit harder to hang on to. Nor am I entirely convinced by your use of italics to differentiate the time periods. The feeling I come away with is not that your MC is hard working and thoughtful, but that she is resentful and a bit insensitive. If that is not the impression you want to create, relaxing your text and telling us a bit more - maybe making two chapters out of the first and doing away with the italics - would help to add more context and depth (imvho).

You say at one point that Ann is now 53. Is this to signal passing time? I found that a bit confusing......? Again, if you might write a bit more around this, that would help to explain.

There is a lot of illness and dying here, too. I feel that you could easily afford to linger a bit, add more, so that we really can understand the pain that goes with these experiences. Each character has their own story to tell, which you can afford to sketch in lightly, even if they are just in the background. At the moment, what happens to them feels just a bit too incidental, as if you are in a hurry to get on.....said that, now, what's next?

I hope what I have suggested is helpful. Your story will do very well, given a bit more work and time. Beware of rushing, or of leaving too much unsaid. We are a bit dull sometimes, and need a few things spelled out.

All the best, always

Fran xx :) view book

Dear Grace

I have read the first seven upload chapters of "Sorry" just now. You write very well indeed of your suffering, and though perhaps your word count looks daunting, I have to say that it doesn't feel like that when I am reading your story. There are repetitions, too, but again, this is how it was for you, and repetition was and is part of the pattern, so it is there in the unfolding, in the telling.

I am struck by the deliberate cruelty of your parents - getting you pets and then just taking them away, because they could, as if to say, "what could we do that would really hurt her?" The sense of your own lack of worth permeates your whole thoughts, your reactions, all your understandings. And it is sad to see all the familiar coping strategies, the perfectionism, the working hard, and how even then, it was turned against you.

But you are coming out of that now, and people here can read about your struggles. What a gift you have given us. There is nothing wrong with your MS, and you don't really need to worry about that, anyway. The voice is clear and convincing, the details all relevant and powerful. Thank you for writing this. Top marks, and on my WL until I find room for a space on my shelf, which is the least I can do.

Fran :)

PS - have you started doing submissions yet? You could, quite easily. Just ask Spirit to help you. xx view book

Dear Frances

I don't know why this isn't published. Of course, I don't want to hurry you, Frances, and I am sure you have a lot to do, but this is very, very, very good. A bit gothic, which isn't necessarily to my taste - I prefer light and airy fairy. If I had been to a school like this one, I would probably have jumped off a parapet or something - is it really so bad? My school days feel like a picnic compared to this.

Anyway. Go girl, and find a(nother?) publisher.

Fran XX :-)) view book

Dear Sean

I have just read most of chapter 1 of "British Army On The Rampage". Your voice is very clear, engaging and quite funny at times. You do throw a lot of light on your life in the army, which is very interesting. There is a lot we can learn from your experiences.

Your chapters are very long, which is a bit hard when reading on the screen. You could easily split them up into shorter chapters. And your text could easily be edited down, since 169K is a big word count! Not quite "War and Peace", but getting there! Almost as if you could have two books.

That said, I do find your story a bit of an eye opener, well paced and thought provoking. I do hope you keep up with the writing. On my WL and rated.

Fran xx :) view book

Dear Catherine

I have just read the first three chapters of "A Painted Smile" which gives glimpses of your unstable and volatile childhood. I admire anyone who can so clearly convey the unhappiness at the heart of a family.

This is interesting reading, worthwile on a number of levels. Your story exposes how easliy we can become habituated to destructive behaviour and is a timely reminder that around children, we need to be careful to act gently and consistently, so that they can learn to trust us.

All the best with your writing!

Fran xx :)

Good luck w view book

Oooh, this is spooky, and I just read the first three chapters straight off. I haven't done that in a very long time.

I thought I would take a peek and see what all the fuss has been about, and I am so glad - so very glad! - not to have been disappointed. This is a carefully considered, well described piece of writing. Spooky, interesting and picturesque, I am sure that the rest will continue to be.

If I have any suggestions.....hmmm, not really.....I would perhaps tone down all the early talk of premonitions, been here before, deja vu; you don't need to emphasise this, as your readers will pick it up from the flow of the story, and there is nothing wrong in showing it, as the story unfolds. The familiarity could be picked up in the way she knows her way around, a resonance with parts of the house, or her uncanny knowledge of the layout, for example.

Your writing style is confident and careful, interesting and well paced. I wish you very well with this, though I cannot help thinking that on a postage stamp sized image, your cover design does not do your justice. Can hardly see it. Just a thought.

On my WL and five stars just now. May upgrade when I have a minute to read some more. Hope that is soon. I am impatient already.

All the best

Fran Macilvey xx :) view book

I have just read the first four chapters of "Ten Deep Footprints" and most of chapter 20.

I love the scope of your story, and its exciting, cosmopolitan feel. It feels sophisticated and grown up, which is quite hard to do. You carry that off well, and there is much wit in your writing, too.

It also moves forward, well paced and filled with details that bring your characters to life. There is a lot to love here, in your clever, well crafted writing!

I had a few thoughts which you can take or leave and which I shall send to your message page.

Meantime this is staying on my WL and is highly rated! All the best for the ed's desk. view book

Another fast paced thriller from the pen of Enos Russell. I'm pleased to see this here. An interesting theory is played out in real time, with plenty of action, and even a little bit of love interest. The full package, which I am happy to rate high. I hope that all your writing endeavours are successful. They deserve to be.

On my WL.

Fran xx :) view book

Hey, Lil

This is just lovely! I have been grinning as I read the first few chapters and I thank you, most sincerely, for cheering me up this morning. You seem to have been editing too? The flow feels better than it did. All the parts fit together well.

And, I have it in mind to work on my sex scenes...

Still on my WL with an updated rating and hopefully a shelfie before too long.

XX :) view book

Dear Percy

I had a look at the first two chapters of "Rage" today. Your enthusiasm for story writing comes across clearly, and you have a good plot, which I would find the most difficult to organise in any story.

However, there are things you can do to make your story easier to read and more convincing. Two things are most obvious to me: more depth and more clarity with the text. If you would take more time over your descriptions, you could add more flavour. Then I, as the reader, would not feel "and then this happened, and then that happened" feeling...which gives your narrative a shallow, impatient flavour.

Secondly, you could clean up the presentation. Your chapter headings are confusing - you have a Giant "First" in the second chapter, and then you have nothing. ....your text could be tidied for grammar nits and for lots of annoying - hyphens - which are there to add drama - not to give a kind of writer's shorthand (which sends the signal that the writer can't be bothered to explain....)

Again, this suggests that more depth would be very helpful to you. Slow down, sometimes, and imagine yourself in the heroine's shoes. If she had sprained her ankle, would she be able to walk away from her interview, and would she be able to wear her new pink Jimmy Choo shoes with heels? I doubt it, but more time taken to explain that, might persuade me.

Best of luck with your writing!

Fran xx :) view book

Dear Clive

I am so glad to see you have published "The Holy Innocents" again. I have it on my WL to shelve soon, and top marks!

All the best!

Fran xxx :) view book

Dear Ruko

I've been reading some more of your yummy book. There is nothing in it that a little editing wouldn't fix - you have a lovely style, a great story to tell, which I sincerely hope gets published.

Oh, I do love your sense of humour and the way you can paint a portrait with just a few words. Delicious! xxx :) view book

Dear Jack

This is very good. Your voice is confident and quite convincing, with the hint of derring do that fits the period well. I have read only the first two chapters for now, but the strangeness is unfolding nicely. This is another book I would love to settle down with and read a lot more of, though that will have to wait just now.

There is a lot to admire in your fluent and well considered writing, and in your believable. slightly off kilter scenario. The mix of fact and fiction is immensely attractive, though I find myself a little uncertain about your use of a "transgender" aspect: I am sure it's purpose will become clearer as the story unfolds.

I shall come to this again. Meantime, it gains high marks and keeps its place on my WL for the forseeable future. Excellent stuff.

Fran Macilvey, "Happiness Matters" and "Making Miracles" :-)) view book

Dear Ruko

I have read the first three chapters of "From Congo With Love" and am alternately amused, touched and depressed by what you write. The situation feels like hell well hidden in heaven. What you write about is slightly familiar to me: my father had postings in both the Congo and in Rwanda, before the genocide when one million people were murdered in three months. It still makes me very sad to think of it.

However, your writing is fresh and your style is funny, irreverant and chatty. I could just sit and read what you have written, all day. Your descriptions are vivid and so clearly set to the page, that I can feel myself at the scene; your discourse on different problems and tensions is enlightening. You have asked for suggestions for cuts, and I have to say, none so far.

I suggest you leave the question of cuts to an editor. Meantime, your narrative only wants the usual checking for smoothness and the occasional typo. Your immensely readable account is carefullly considered and wonderfully exposes the mind boggling complexities and absurdities of life as a peacekeeper in the DRC. The message is clear, that the ongoing civil wars are a complete waste of talent, resources and opportunities.

I hope that everyone reads your book. I intend to read more as soon as I can. Meantime, I give this top marks and a spot on my WL, until I can work out how to promote it to a shelf space.

Fran Macilvey, "Happiness Matters" / "Making Miracles" xxx :) view book

Dear Janet and Helen

I left a comment earlier, but I have been reading some more - your book is like that. I find that I just can't stop reading about you, Janet. The house is cold, and I really should go and put the tea on. But, well, your blow by blow account is really absorbing and gripping, and sad, and very well taken apart. So that I understand you.

This book is a truly momentous achievement, which makes me wonder how many other women in prison and making a mess of life have been raped and traumatised, left to pick up the pieces and some bits of dignity and just soldier on. You really make me wonder about that.

I can understand why your introduction is hesitant and rather too careful. And why you start your story slowly. Please, don't change it, even though you may decide to tighten it up a bit at the beginning. You have worked hard to get it here, and your story reads well. I hope you get this published and that lots of people read about you and your bravery.

Bless you, and good luck! Six stars and on my shelf ASAP.

Fran xxx :-))
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Dear Janet and Helen

I have read the first eight chapters of "The Stranger in My Life" as well as the last three chapters - if a book is exciting, I like to know what happens.

Your style is easy on the eye and very evocative: your narrative has a good flow. I enjoyed reading about farm life, which feels familiar: the taciturn farmer with poor hygiene and the hint of menace.....it all feels right, and is conveyed well to the page.

Suggestions? Not many. I had a think about your intro and first chapter, uploads 1 and 2. I feel that there is almost enough in the story for you to just begin with Janet as a child and go on from there. You drop hints of what is to come, which keep me reading, so the fact that Fred Handford disappeared and Janet lost four days, could simply be two surprises to unfold, on the way to the reader's final discoveries.... how dramatic they would be.

I do like your "other side of the story" though, Janet's modern day visits to the psychologist. That story is very well considered and adds another interesting dimension.

So, may I perhaps suggest that you trim down your intro and chapter 1 as much as possible, so that you don't give away any secrets that would help to drive forward the story and keep your readers guessing? That Janet lives in a caravan with five dogs is intriguing enough, and we certainly want to know how she came to this pass. But keep your tinder as dry as possible, so that you don't reveal too much too soon? Just a suggestion.

Other than that, your MS only needs a small comb for syntax, for commas used where a full stop might be better. You have a few very long sentences which could easily be divided.

The best of luck with this. It has all the right ingredients, and is well written and easy to read.

Fran Macilvey, "Happiness Matters"
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